I have found it
difficult
to talk to you.
Lifton-Robert-Jay-Thought-Reform-and-the-Psychology-of-Totalism
They can give them what they need.
If conditions get better they'll make things better for the ordinary people.
.
.
.
I am trying to see both sides.
Maybe people have more trouble in a free sys- tem.
Maybe it is easier in the Communist system.
.
.
.
I am sure I am doing the right thing.
I couldn't fit in so I got out.
.
.
.
I gave up.
But I am wondering about all of the others who are still there.
.
.
.
When you think of things like that you just can't get an answer.
Too much is involved.
Her troubles in Hong Kong continued. She felt that as a northerner, she was discriminated against by the Cantonese who made up the bulk of the Chinese population. She sometimes wondered if a stranger standing near the house where she lived was a Communist agent sent to spy on her. And in addition, an old fear of the spirit world entered into her immediate living arrange- ments. She and others who lived in her boarding house began to hear strange sounds at night, including the sound of snoring, which seemed to come from the garden outside. One girl reported that she had seen the offending ghost, and Grace, along with most of
? GRACE WU: MUSIC AND REFORM 351 the others, decided to move from that house. She explained her
point of view with unintentional humor:
In China, if you are born of a nature called "the killing nature," you cannot hear a ghost. My roommate was of this nature. She had been to a fortune teller who told her this. . . . A person of this nature is harmful to his family. . . . And she had not married for fear something would happen to her husband or her family. . . . She seemed to have some- thing go wrong with every man she met. . . . I do not possess the kill- ing nature. . . . I was told this by a fortune teller whom I went to with my mother in Tientsin. . . . So it is possible for me to hear a ghost, although I have never seen one. . . . It is a sign of bad luck to hear or see a ghost. . . . If one appears, harm will come to the family. . . . The landlady and the minister say that we are Christians and should not believe in ghosts. . . . I do not believe in ghosts because I am a Christian, but I cannot help it if I hear them.
For a while she could not even find relief in her music, in the past her means of "forgetting everything. " She had great difficulty in locating a piano for regular practice; and even after she did, her anxiety interfered with her musical expression: "I couldn't control my hands. . . . I couldn't get hold of them. "
During the latter stages of our work together, Grace expressed some of her broad emotional conflicts in her descriptions of her dreams, and in her associations to these dreams. The first dream was related to her general fears, to family conflicts and to her residual doubts about having left the mainland and come to Hong Kong.
I dreamed that I was back on the mainland with my family. I talked again to my father. I was scared. I couldn't tell him what happened. Then I got afraid. I couldn't get an exit visa out again this time. I don't know whether I went to help the family or not. I woke up upset. I didn't know what the dream meant.
In her associations to this dream, Grace expressed her appre- hension about her situation in Hong Kong: "Sometimes I think the Communists will come here. . . . I cannot feel secure. " She went on to speak at length of her feelings of helplessness and guilt at being unable to arrange for her parents and for a close girl friend to join her in Hong Kong.
Concerning her parents, there was no clear need for her to do anything, but she was troubled all the same.
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My parents would like to come here, but it would be hard for my father to start all over in Hong Kong. . . . I feel very uneasy. I received a letter from them saying I shouldn't write much until I'm settled and have more time. . . . I feel duty towards them . . . not because I owe them anything . . . but I thought I could help.
Her feelings about her girl friend were equally strong, and en- meshed in more complicated external arrangements. Grace had been trying to set up a scheme to get her out of China similar to the one through which she herself had come to Hong Kong, involving a young man's writing romantic letters from Hong Kong to her friend in China. The contrived correspondence seemed to be work- ing well until Grace and the correspondent in Hong Kong came into conflict.
At first I wrote the letters and he copied them. She sent the answers to him. . . . At first he promised to do what I said. He thought it was romantic and exciting. I thought it was business. Then he felt he was being pushed by me. He wanted to be on his own or else quit. I said he could not write love letters himself, as he wouldn't know how to word it for the Communists. He wrote a letter to her saying that I was unreason- able and he had had enough of me and would do things by himself. . . . She wrote me that something was wrong. I told her to drop the corre- spondence. . . . I had an argument with the boy and he said to me, "You came out cold-hearted and half-dead, I am still human/' Maybe people think that Communism does this to people. . . . I have become more calculating, but this does me good. Sooner or later one must be practical. But people here say it comes to me too early.
These two themes--her guilty involvement with her girl friend, and her anxiety over her own conflict with the boy--were brought out in her further associations. She and the girl had been room- mates at college, and Grace had advised her about many problems and had influenced her regarding her approach to the Communists. She felt responsible for the girl, and was distressed that her argu- ment with this boy had brought about an end to the attempted arrangements. It also came out that part of the diEculty was Grace's "disgust" toward the boy when he began to make romantic over- tures toward her as well as to her friend in China.
Her second dream was primarily a plea for help, partly directed at me; but at the same time it was also an attempt at reconstructing her life and her sense of self:
? GRACE WU; MUSIC AND REFORM 353
Last night I dreamed I met a pianist from my home town. She had al- ways been a great success, and had studied in the States with Schnabel. . . . SolastnightIdreamedofher. . . . Imetheronthetrainand was so glad to see her. . . I asked her many things but I don't remem- ber what she said. I was asking from a musical point of view. Shall I take other work than music if I am offered it? Should I try to get a piano? Should I go to a teacher? . . . I even asked her what books I should read. . . . But 1 don't remember what she told me. . . . It's funny I didn't get any answers from her.
As she talked more about this dream, it became evident that both the girl and the girl's father had played a very important inspira- tional role in Grace's past.
She is twelve or thirteen years older than I am. When I was very young I was influenced by her. I knew everything she played by heart. . . . I called her Elder Sister. . . . After I left college and returned home, I went to see her father and he gave me books and advice in literature and history. He said to me, "You must read as well as play. " He talked to my parents to help them understand.
She went on to talk of her immediate life situation, and con- trasted its tenuousness with the more secure sense of personal growth during her earlier days: "Now if the weather is cold, I am cold. . . . I feel almost transparent, so tiny, so little, that I don't exist. " Yet she still expressed affirmation in her expectation of a solution from within: "I must get answers from myself, though it takes a long time. "
Although she valued her new freedom to engage in such a search, she felt that her past had not prepared her for this self-concern. She expressed this in relationship to our interviews.
I have found it difficult to talk to you. It is nothing personal, just that I have never before had the chance to express myself. All of these years I was told not to think of myself or my own ideas--and it faded out. Now I don't feel embarrassed. I feel better to talk and to reach scientific con- clusions.
She compared her suppressed personal past to the demands of the Communist regime.
Under the Communists, because of the outside pressure, you think less about yourself. . . . I tried to think less of myself because it becomes
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too complicated if you don't. . . . It becomes a habit not to think too much about your own feelings.
She vividly described the pleasure and pain of her new self- expression.
It was like being shut in a tight room and suffocated. Then you are thrown open into a desert. You can have free air but it has its disad- vantages. . . . Thinking brings more confusion. In China it is simple just being against things. But when you come to the real world, you find everything is not like that. . . . Freedom makes things more compli- cated.
During the six months in which I knew Grace in Hong Kong, she periodically lapsed into psychosomatic illness, usually diarrhea. After such bouts, she appeared to be more calm and composed. Once, following a week of bed rest, she expressed to me both the type of guilty conflict which contributed so much to her illnesses, and the secondary gain--that is, the satisfying respite--which the illness provided.
I keep thinking, am I asking or wanting too much for myself, and is this what makes me feel so bad? . . . When I was young I always expected too much--so now I expect the worst. . . . I am glad I got sick. I had time, and didn't have to rush.
She wondered how much any residual effects of thought reform might be contributing to her problems; at the same time she thought she had survived and gone beyond thought reform.
The more I tried to explain all of these things, the more complicated it gets. . . . I feel a person is hurt by a Communist education. But we have a saying in China that a lotus is grown from the mud, yet is still pure.
She recognized, however, that elements of reform were still with her, and that at times she could not avoid judging herself by Com- munist standards.
Sometimes I feel subconscious influences from the Communists. If I make a decision I think that I shouldn't go through with it because they would disagree. . . . Or I think back and feel that one or two of their theories are right.
? GRACE WU: MUSIC AND REFORM 355
But despite this stormy course, her adjustment in Hong Kong gradually improved. She was greatly helped by an older woman she met through friends ("a mother more or less") who began to take a great personal interest in her, accepted her as one of her own family, encouraged her to play the piano at her home, and also served as an understanding confidante. First she helped Grace find young pupils as a means of support, and then helped her make arrangements to continue her musical studies in Europe.
Three themes dominate Grace Wu's life story, from early child- hood through thought reform and her Hong Kong experiences: her Westernization, her musicianship, and her illnesses.
She encountered Westernizing influences far stronger than those met by George Chen. Her treaty port background, her father's oc- cupation, and her mother's staunch Christianity all placed the family in a special Chinese subculture, removed from a good deal of Chi- nese life. This subculture had its particular heritage of identity strengths and weaknesses. Its strengths lay in its sense of being mod- ern and progressive, and in its relationship to Christian ideological supports; its weaknesses in its partial severance from Chinese roots, in the often shallow, imported middle-class ethos (the Communists did not entirely make this up) which Grace herself condemned, and in the intensified susceptibilities to guilt created by the super- imposed Christian conscience. It is true that when under great duress, Grace reverted to pre-Christian ghosts (and it was her Christian mother who took her to the fortune teller); but her sense of being the Westernized Christian girl was nonetheless very basic to her character.
Grace became the dedicated musician early in life. This also was an identity closely tied to her relationship with her mother, but it was a good deal more. Rather than developing generalized artistic sensibilities, as George Chen did, she possessed a focused talent which became one of the main centers of her existence. To be a dedicated musician meant, for her, to have a form of self-expression which could not be denied, a refuge from emotional blows, and a sense of being a unique human being. This kind of identity can survive almost anything, even if it must be temporarily modified or subdued.
Closely associated with Grace's musicianship, however, were
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feelings of evil, of selfishness, of hating and being hateful--all of which went into her negative identity. To be sure, these feelings must have originated in Grace's early sense of being emotionally deprived and frustrated. But they were also related to her quest for artistic expression--to the artist's need to ignore ordinary ameni- ties of life and to selfishly insist on the opportunity to develop talent, even at the expense of others7 sacrifices. Her negative identity was enhanced by her father's deprecation of her musical interest (an attitude which was undoubtedly shared by many others around her), and by her awareness that in the difficult family circumstances such an interest could be considered something of a luxury.
An outgrowth of her negative identity was her pattern of escape from emotional problems through illness. She carried with her-- always ready for use--the identity of the invalid. The psychological sequence involved, first, a sense of being denied her wishes, along with an unusually strong need to obtain what she was after; then a feeling of anger and frustration; a sense of guilt over both her de- mands and her anger; the illness itself; and the combination of attention, sympathy, and relief which it afforded her.
Of central importance was the dilemma of a girl endowed with unusually strong passions who felt the need to repress and deny these passions almost entirely. Hence her "disgust" (a word which she used constantly) over sexualityand her use of Christian ideology as an aid in the struggle against her passions. As a musician, she became aware that she could hardly dispense with strong feelings of love and hate, feelings which she could justify in herself only as a musician. Her music-versus-Christianity conflict was essen- tially an expression of this same inner struggle. It is true, of course, that Christianity, and perhaps especially her polite form of Chinese Christianity, has long recommended the taming of sexual and of hateful impulses; but she could have--had she felt the need-- just as well found Christian support for her artistic passions in the music of Bach or the paintings of El Greco.
Her adolescent identity crisis therefore took the form of illness. With the intensificationof passions characteristic for that stage of life, her problem became not only what to be--how much the musician, the journalist, the Christian, the Chinese, and the woman --but what she could safely permit herself to feel.
Taking a journalism course was submission to her parents; at
? GRACE WU: MUSIC AND REFORM 357
the same time, her emergence as the "progressive" journalist allowed an alternative form of self-expression, one by which she could avoid the emotional conflicts which surrounded her music. This identity compromise, however, could not work: not only was music too basic a part of her to be long denied, but, as it turned out, being a journalist in Communist China involved her in a new set of passions (or rather, an arduous reshaping of the old ones). Re- turning to the identity of the dedicated artist could not protect her from these passions, but it could at least permit her to meet them with her strongest weapons.
Grace's constellation of identities gave her encounter with thought reform an unusual emotional coloring. As a Westernized Christian girl, she was immediately identified (and not entirely inaccurately) as one of the opposition. Studying in a missionary-established "castle of reaction," she was in this respect by no means alone. But she was particularly vulnerable because of her close relationship with an American teacher--an artist-disciple bond, in which, pro- tected by barriers of culture and status, she could experience a form of love. This does not however account for the extreme emotional pain she suffered during thought reform; her inner stress was greater than any of my other Chinese subjects, with the possible exception of Hu. The explanation lies partly in her long-standing attitude toward any form of strong emotion: suddenly confronted with mass frenzy, with the exaggerated passions unleashed by the Com- munists, it is not surprising that she became terrified. And when she was urged to join in with these passions, to denounce her revered teacher, she was overwhelmed by fear and by guilt--guilt both over refusing and thereby resisting the authorities, and over tendencies within her to comply and make the denunciation. Simi- larly, the denunciation of her university president by his daughter revived her own complicated feelings of guilt and resentment to- ward her parents. The hateful emotions so central to thought re- form were precisely the kind she had been warding off all her life.
These emotional patterns led her to distort sexual matters. It is true that in the Communist environment politics came first and love often was mechanical; but other students reported an atmos- phere more puritanical than the uninhibited one Grace described. As can occur in any moment of crisis, Grace's fears about sex and hostility became confused. Thus, all of her anxieties came to a head
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in her response to the germ warfare inoculation, and she experienced the injection as an assault upon her entire person. In making her exit from thought reform through illness, she brought a tremendous histrionic force to the old identity of the invalid, which was also in keeping with her previous use of hysterical mechanisms. Grace's negative identity was therefore an important factor in both her pain and her escape.
It would be wrong, however, to stress only this side of her char- acter. In her resistance to thought reform, she also gave evidence of the surprising strength inherent in her sense of being the Western Christian girl and the dedicated musician. Her previous exposure to W estern liberalism and her absorption with W estern classical music supported her in her belief that "the world could not be like this" (or at least that it need not be like this). These two identities, and perhaps especially the one of the dedicated artist, gave Grace extraordinary staying power. Not only did they help her survive thought reform pressures, they also served as important sources of stability during her tribulations in Hong Kong.
There she had to face--at first in lonely isolation--both the con- fusing aftereffects of thought reform, and an external environment which was unusually provocative for someone like her. So great was her identity diffusion that she reverted to every pattern of self- destructive emotional behavior, and every level of sexual and family conflict she had known since early childhood, to the point where she felt her sense of existence almost entirely fading away. Yet on her own emotional terms her movement toward renewal of identity was active from the first. In her dreams, in her relationships in Hong Kong, and in her attitudes toward me, she was searching for help, but she insisted on being the arbiter of her own life. Among my Chinese subjects, she was unusual in her ability to face and to talk about both the difficulties of freedom and the extent of residual
Communist influences. Her return to a mildly Christian, firmly Westernized, and profoundly artistic way of life (as well as extreme good fortune) led her to her new "mother," and to the promise of a creative personal future. Her old emotional patterns were of course still very much with her, as was also some of the message of thought reform; but equipped with a newly-integrated adult self and a clear sense of direction, she would probably manage to live with them.
? CHAPTER 19
CULTURAL PERSPECTIVES:
THE FATE OF FILIAL PIETY
Each of the four Chinese subjects I have described
experienced first an immersion into thought re- form--the beginnings of a personal change--and then a recoil from its demands. What brought about this recoil, which contrasted with the continued enthusiasms of more successfully reformed Chi- nese intellectuals? Without a comparative study of the latter group, no certain answer can be given to this question. But from the evi- dence at hand, we can say that some features of personal character and identity were consistently important in resistance to thought reform, not only for these four people, but for the remainder of my subjects as well. These are: tendencies toward rebelliousness and fear of domination (especially marked in Hu); strong need for in- dividual self-expression (George Chen and Grace Wu); binding family ties (George Chen); previous patterns of anomie and of emotional escape (Robert Chao, Grace Wu, and H u ) ; and a significant degree of Westernization, whether Christian or other- wise (Robert Chao, Grace Wu, and George Chen). These tend- encies are not simply rallying points of resistance; the conflicts exist- ing around them can also create specific susceptibilities to thought reform.
Even more important, these are themes which have long been at 359
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the very center of the personal struggles of most Chinese intel- lectuals. Tension about rebelliousness, self-expression, family loy- alties, alienation, and Westernization have particular significance for Chinese at this point in their history--as they must for the intellectual vanguard of any society whose traditional patterns are being replaced. In other words, these four case histories have intro- duced a set of conflicts relating to identity and ideology which no Chinese intellectual, in facing thought reform, could really avoid.
The roots of such tensions lie in the interplay of individual emo- tions with cultural and historical influences. I have chosen, as the title of this chapter suggests, to group all of these psychological factors around the concept of filial piety, a basic theme of Chinese culture, and one which has specific bearing upon the tensions just enumerated. And the historical vicissitudes of filialism, or rather of Chinese intellectuals (or literati) in relation to filialism, have spe- cial psychological importance for thought reform itself.
The individual lives we have been studying in many ways mir- ror the history of China itself: early years of filial identities derived from traditional Chinese culture; attraction during adolescence and young adulthood to more modern and Western influences; and finally, a third phase of Communism or thought reform. It seems that each Chinese intellectual has had to recapitulate personally the larger experiences of his culture in a psychocultural counterpart of the biological tenet that ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.
Filial influences are part of the entire history of China's tradi- tional culture, going back to the Han dynasty (206 B. C. -22O A. D. ) and before, and extending through the Ch'ing Dynasty (1644 A. D. - 1911 A. D. )to the revolution of 1911. "Modern" (I am using the term in a more restrictive sense than the way it is employed by historians) Chinese identities emerged during a transitional period which can be roughly located in the first half of the twentieth cen- tury, although it had its beginnings about fifty years before that. The third phase, of course, began with the Communist takeover of 1948-49.
For each of these historical stages a distinct pattern of Chinese cultural identity, based on shared individual experiences, can be delineated. To be sure, we must discuss ideal types, in some ways over-simplified, and by no means completely inclusive. But these can enable us to place both thought reform and the people under-
? THE FATE OF FILIAL PIETY 361
going it in a perspective which, for being historical, is all the more psychological. 1
Traditional Filialism and the Filial Son
In traditional Chinese culture (I refer here most specifically to the period of the Ch'ing Dynasty), one was expected to be filial if nothing else. For the son or daughter of a gentry-literati family, the principle of hsiao or filial piety was at the very center of personal, family, and social existence. Its mystique was so powerful and so pervasive that Fung Yu-lan, a leading contemporary Chinese philos- opher, has called it "the ideological basis of traditional [Chinese] society. " 2
Whether he was seven or seventy, a son's attitude toward his parents was expected to be one of reverence, obedience, and loy- alty. Nor was this to be a token response, since if it did not stem naturally from his inner being, he was not being truly filial. He learned how to be a filial son from his parents and his older brothers and sisters, through the unconscious transmission of cultural forms as well as through their conscious elaboration. And the indoctrina- tion began early: when only three or four, a child might be told stones (in a culture very fond of storytelling) of the famous 'Twenty-four Examples of Filial Piety. " These included such tales as that of the eight-year-old boy who allowed mosquitoes to "feed without restraint upon his blood until they were satisfied" in order to prevent them from biting his parents; of the seventy-year-old man who dressed himself in gaily-colored garments and played like a child "in order to amuse his parents"; and the most impressive story of all, entitled "On Account Of His Mother He Buried His Child," which is worth quoting in full:
During the Han dynasty, Ko Keu, whose family was very poor, had a child three years old. Keu's mother usually took some of her food and gave to the child. One day he spoke to his wife about it, saying, "We are so poor that we cannot even support mother. Moreover, the little one shares mother's food, Why not bury this child? We may have an- other; but if mother should die, we cannot obtain her again. "
His wife did not dare to oppose. Keu, when he had dug a hole more than two feet deep, suddenly saw a vase of gold. On the top of the vase was an inscription, saying, "Heaven bestows this gold on Ko Keu7 the dutiful son. The officers shall not seize it, nor shall the people take it. " 3
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The father-son relationship was most important, the ultimate model for almost all other relationships in Chinese society. It com- bined love and respect and a certain distance, the last created both by family ritual and by the limited role which the father played in the child's early upbringing. A child was to feel similar emotions to- ward his mother, although here the barriers were down a bit and there was room for more indulgence; but, as Ko Keu's story sug- gests, there was no lessresponsibility.
The filial principle extended into all important family and social ties. Of the "Five Most Important Human Relationships" described by Confucius (between Sovereign and Subject, Father and Son, Husband and Wife, Elder and Younger Brothers, and Friend and Friend) three were within the family, and the other two were based upon specific family models.
One of these, the relationship between Sovereign and Subject, has special importance for us. It was conceived as an extension of the relationship between father and son: "From the way in which one serves one's father, one learns how to serve one's sovereign. The respect shown to them is the same. " 4 At the same time, it differed by being a "social or moral" relationship rather than a "natural"
(or blood) tie. Therefore, one felt respect but not love for one's sovereign. This attitude was compared to that between man and wife, in which respect and duty were also emphasized more than love. The analogy was especially important for the government official (the standard career of the literati class), since he was con- sidered "married" to the sovereign. He was expected to emulate the bride who transfers her loyalties from her family to her husband and his family: "Before marriage she was the daughter of her parents; after it, she became the wife of her husband"; in becoming "married" to the royal family, a man was expected to experience a similar "transformation of filial piety into loyalty to the sovereign. " But here too there was a distinction, for in this transformation "the filial son does not cease to be a filial son"; in fact, in his new situa- tion, this transformation "is the only way in which he can continue to be a filial son. " The point is that loyalty to one's sovereign should be part of, rather than conflict with, one's sense of being a filial son. 5
There was thus in the filial identity a strong sense of personal continuity, continuity between family and society, and in fact in the entire life cycle. The male infant was made much of because,
? THE FATE OF FILIAL PIETY 363
as one of his most important filial duties, he would continue the family line. From the first stories casually (or not so casually) told to him, through a period of childhood and youth devoted largely to a-study of the classics (The Book of Filial Piety, The Book of Rites, the Confucian Analects, The Great Learning, The Doctrine of the Mean, The Spring and Autumn Annals, The Work of Mencius), his education was to a great degree an uninterrupted in- doctrination for this identity. As his first exercises in reading and writing, he began to memorize filial principles long before he could understand what they meant. Most of his education was under his family's control; sometimes his tutor was directly employed by his family, sometimes he was taught in a clan or village school. Ad- vanced institutions for the study of Confucianism did exist in large cities; but a gentry youth need not attend one of these to pursue his studies of the classics in preparation for state examinations, nor did these schools appear to provide the opportunity for youthful self- expression that we associate with European and American universi- ties.
In traditional China, there was no institutionalized youth culture or youth rebellion. 6 There was a group of ch'ing-nien jen (young peo- ple, or literally, "green-years men")--male youths between sixteen and thirty not yet married--who did to some extent associate with each other, but not to the extent of developing a collective voice or an organized group life. And since marriages took place early-- bridegrooms were often in their late teens and brides even younger --a youth was not likely to remain in this category for long. Even more important in preventing youthful rebellion was the ethos that youth was to serve age: whether indulged during early childhood, strictly disciplined during later childhood, or allowed a modicum of personal freedom during his teens, one's importance lay, not in the youth he was, but in the man he would become, and mainly in relationship to his family and his society. A Chinese youth became a man not by casting off his father's influence and control, but rather by adapting himself to them, by becoming like him, by identifying with him in attitude and belief, as generations before had done with their fathers. 7 A recent sociological observer has claimed that "for hundreds and thousands of years there was no conflict of generations in China. "8 This statement is surely ex- travagant, especially since it ignores inner conflict; but it does in-
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dicate the ideal of father-son continuity which held sway in China for so long.
To marry and have children of one's own were in themselves filial tasks; as Mencius pointed out, "there are three unfilial acts, and of these lack of posterity is the greatest. " And as a mature man and a father himself, the filial son reinforced his filialism by teach- ing its principles to others. At the same time his responsibility for the care of his own parents increased, and still included the most personal form of attention--a responsibility he could never shirk no matter where in the empire he served, or how high in the bureaucracy he rose. When his parents died, the filial son was expected not only to arrange a proper burial, but subsequently to "love what they loved77 and "revere what they reverenced.
Her troubles in Hong Kong continued. She felt that as a northerner, she was discriminated against by the Cantonese who made up the bulk of the Chinese population. She sometimes wondered if a stranger standing near the house where she lived was a Communist agent sent to spy on her. And in addition, an old fear of the spirit world entered into her immediate living arrange- ments. She and others who lived in her boarding house began to hear strange sounds at night, including the sound of snoring, which seemed to come from the garden outside. One girl reported that she had seen the offending ghost, and Grace, along with most of
? GRACE WU: MUSIC AND REFORM 351 the others, decided to move from that house. She explained her
point of view with unintentional humor:
In China, if you are born of a nature called "the killing nature," you cannot hear a ghost. My roommate was of this nature. She had been to a fortune teller who told her this. . . . A person of this nature is harmful to his family. . . . And she had not married for fear something would happen to her husband or her family. . . . She seemed to have some- thing go wrong with every man she met. . . . I do not possess the kill- ing nature. . . . I was told this by a fortune teller whom I went to with my mother in Tientsin. . . . So it is possible for me to hear a ghost, although I have never seen one. . . . It is a sign of bad luck to hear or see a ghost. . . . If one appears, harm will come to the family. . . . The landlady and the minister say that we are Christians and should not believe in ghosts. . . . I do not believe in ghosts because I am a Christian, but I cannot help it if I hear them.
For a while she could not even find relief in her music, in the past her means of "forgetting everything. " She had great difficulty in locating a piano for regular practice; and even after she did, her anxiety interfered with her musical expression: "I couldn't control my hands. . . . I couldn't get hold of them. "
During the latter stages of our work together, Grace expressed some of her broad emotional conflicts in her descriptions of her dreams, and in her associations to these dreams. The first dream was related to her general fears, to family conflicts and to her residual doubts about having left the mainland and come to Hong Kong.
I dreamed that I was back on the mainland with my family. I talked again to my father. I was scared. I couldn't tell him what happened. Then I got afraid. I couldn't get an exit visa out again this time. I don't know whether I went to help the family or not. I woke up upset. I didn't know what the dream meant.
In her associations to this dream, Grace expressed her appre- hension about her situation in Hong Kong: "Sometimes I think the Communists will come here. . . . I cannot feel secure. " She went on to speak at length of her feelings of helplessness and guilt at being unable to arrange for her parents and for a close girl friend to join her in Hong Kong.
Concerning her parents, there was no clear need for her to do anything, but she was troubled all the same.
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My parents would like to come here, but it would be hard for my father to start all over in Hong Kong. . . . I feel very uneasy. I received a letter from them saying I shouldn't write much until I'm settled and have more time. . . . I feel duty towards them . . . not because I owe them anything . . . but I thought I could help.
Her feelings about her girl friend were equally strong, and en- meshed in more complicated external arrangements. Grace had been trying to set up a scheme to get her out of China similar to the one through which she herself had come to Hong Kong, involving a young man's writing romantic letters from Hong Kong to her friend in China. The contrived correspondence seemed to be work- ing well until Grace and the correspondent in Hong Kong came into conflict.
At first I wrote the letters and he copied them. She sent the answers to him. . . . At first he promised to do what I said. He thought it was romantic and exciting. I thought it was business. Then he felt he was being pushed by me. He wanted to be on his own or else quit. I said he could not write love letters himself, as he wouldn't know how to word it for the Communists. He wrote a letter to her saying that I was unreason- able and he had had enough of me and would do things by himself. . . . She wrote me that something was wrong. I told her to drop the corre- spondence. . . . I had an argument with the boy and he said to me, "You came out cold-hearted and half-dead, I am still human/' Maybe people think that Communism does this to people. . . . I have become more calculating, but this does me good. Sooner or later one must be practical. But people here say it comes to me too early.
These two themes--her guilty involvement with her girl friend, and her anxiety over her own conflict with the boy--were brought out in her further associations. She and the girl had been room- mates at college, and Grace had advised her about many problems and had influenced her regarding her approach to the Communists. She felt responsible for the girl, and was distressed that her argu- ment with this boy had brought about an end to the attempted arrangements. It also came out that part of the diEculty was Grace's "disgust" toward the boy when he began to make romantic over- tures toward her as well as to her friend in China.
Her second dream was primarily a plea for help, partly directed at me; but at the same time it was also an attempt at reconstructing her life and her sense of self:
? GRACE WU; MUSIC AND REFORM 353
Last night I dreamed I met a pianist from my home town. She had al- ways been a great success, and had studied in the States with Schnabel. . . . SolastnightIdreamedofher. . . . Imetheronthetrainand was so glad to see her. . . I asked her many things but I don't remem- ber what she said. I was asking from a musical point of view. Shall I take other work than music if I am offered it? Should I try to get a piano? Should I go to a teacher? . . . I even asked her what books I should read. . . . But 1 don't remember what she told me. . . . It's funny I didn't get any answers from her.
As she talked more about this dream, it became evident that both the girl and the girl's father had played a very important inspira- tional role in Grace's past.
She is twelve or thirteen years older than I am. When I was very young I was influenced by her. I knew everything she played by heart. . . . I called her Elder Sister. . . . After I left college and returned home, I went to see her father and he gave me books and advice in literature and history. He said to me, "You must read as well as play. " He talked to my parents to help them understand.
She went on to talk of her immediate life situation, and con- trasted its tenuousness with the more secure sense of personal growth during her earlier days: "Now if the weather is cold, I am cold. . . . I feel almost transparent, so tiny, so little, that I don't exist. " Yet she still expressed affirmation in her expectation of a solution from within: "I must get answers from myself, though it takes a long time. "
Although she valued her new freedom to engage in such a search, she felt that her past had not prepared her for this self-concern. She expressed this in relationship to our interviews.
I have found it difficult to talk to you. It is nothing personal, just that I have never before had the chance to express myself. All of these years I was told not to think of myself or my own ideas--and it faded out. Now I don't feel embarrassed. I feel better to talk and to reach scientific con- clusions.
She compared her suppressed personal past to the demands of the Communist regime.
Under the Communists, because of the outside pressure, you think less about yourself. . . . I tried to think less of myself because it becomes
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too complicated if you don't. . . . It becomes a habit not to think too much about your own feelings.
She vividly described the pleasure and pain of her new self- expression.
It was like being shut in a tight room and suffocated. Then you are thrown open into a desert. You can have free air but it has its disad- vantages. . . . Thinking brings more confusion. In China it is simple just being against things. But when you come to the real world, you find everything is not like that. . . . Freedom makes things more compli- cated.
During the six months in which I knew Grace in Hong Kong, she periodically lapsed into psychosomatic illness, usually diarrhea. After such bouts, she appeared to be more calm and composed. Once, following a week of bed rest, she expressed to me both the type of guilty conflict which contributed so much to her illnesses, and the secondary gain--that is, the satisfying respite--which the illness provided.
I keep thinking, am I asking or wanting too much for myself, and is this what makes me feel so bad? . . . When I was young I always expected too much--so now I expect the worst. . . . I am glad I got sick. I had time, and didn't have to rush.
She wondered how much any residual effects of thought reform might be contributing to her problems; at the same time she thought she had survived and gone beyond thought reform.
The more I tried to explain all of these things, the more complicated it gets. . . . I feel a person is hurt by a Communist education. But we have a saying in China that a lotus is grown from the mud, yet is still pure.
She recognized, however, that elements of reform were still with her, and that at times she could not avoid judging herself by Com- munist standards.
Sometimes I feel subconscious influences from the Communists. If I make a decision I think that I shouldn't go through with it because they would disagree. . . . Or I think back and feel that one or two of their theories are right.
? GRACE WU: MUSIC AND REFORM 355
But despite this stormy course, her adjustment in Hong Kong gradually improved. She was greatly helped by an older woman she met through friends ("a mother more or less") who began to take a great personal interest in her, accepted her as one of her own family, encouraged her to play the piano at her home, and also served as an understanding confidante. First she helped Grace find young pupils as a means of support, and then helped her make arrangements to continue her musical studies in Europe.
Three themes dominate Grace Wu's life story, from early child- hood through thought reform and her Hong Kong experiences: her Westernization, her musicianship, and her illnesses.
She encountered Westernizing influences far stronger than those met by George Chen. Her treaty port background, her father's oc- cupation, and her mother's staunch Christianity all placed the family in a special Chinese subculture, removed from a good deal of Chi- nese life. This subculture had its particular heritage of identity strengths and weaknesses. Its strengths lay in its sense of being mod- ern and progressive, and in its relationship to Christian ideological supports; its weaknesses in its partial severance from Chinese roots, in the often shallow, imported middle-class ethos (the Communists did not entirely make this up) which Grace herself condemned, and in the intensified susceptibilities to guilt created by the super- imposed Christian conscience. It is true that when under great duress, Grace reverted to pre-Christian ghosts (and it was her Christian mother who took her to the fortune teller); but her sense of being the Westernized Christian girl was nonetheless very basic to her character.
Grace became the dedicated musician early in life. This also was an identity closely tied to her relationship with her mother, but it was a good deal more. Rather than developing generalized artistic sensibilities, as George Chen did, she possessed a focused talent which became one of the main centers of her existence. To be a dedicated musician meant, for her, to have a form of self-expression which could not be denied, a refuge from emotional blows, and a sense of being a unique human being. This kind of identity can survive almost anything, even if it must be temporarily modified or subdued.
Closely associated with Grace's musicianship, however, were
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feelings of evil, of selfishness, of hating and being hateful--all of which went into her negative identity. To be sure, these feelings must have originated in Grace's early sense of being emotionally deprived and frustrated. But they were also related to her quest for artistic expression--to the artist's need to ignore ordinary ameni- ties of life and to selfishly insist on the opportunity to develop talent, even at the expense of others7 sacrifices. Her negative identity was enhanced by her father's deprecation of her musical interest (an attitude which was undoubtedly shared by many others around her), and by her awareness that in the difficult family circumstances such an interest could be considered something of a luxury.
An outgrowth of her negative identity was her pattern of escape from emotional problems through illness. She carried with her-- always ready for use--the identity of the invalid. The psychological sequence involved, first, a sense of being denied her wishes, along with an unusually strong need to obtain what she was after; then a feeling of anger and frustration; a sense of guilt over both her de- mands and her anger; the illness itself; and the combination of attention, sympathy, and relief which it afforded her.
Of central importance was the dilemma of a girl endowed with unusually strong passions who felt the need to repress and deny these passions almost entirely. Hence her "disgust" (a word which she used constantly) over sexualityand her use of Christian ideology as an aid in the struggle against her passions. As a musician, she became aware that she could hardly dispense with strong feelings of love and hate, feelings which she could justify in herself only as a musician. Her music-versus-Christianity conflict was essen- tially an expression of this same inner struggle. It is true, of course, that Christianity, and perhaps especially her polite form of Chinese Christianity, has long recommended the taming of sexual and of hateful impulses; but she could have--had she felt the need-- just as well found Christian support for her artistic passions in the music of Bach or the paintings of El Greco.
Her adolescent identity crisis therefore took the form of illness. With the intensificationof passions characteristic for that stage of life, her problem became not only what to be--how much the musician, the journalist, the Christian, the Chinese, and the woman --but what she could safely permit herself to feel.
Taking a journalism course was submission to her parents; at
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the same time, her emergence as the "progressive" journalist allowed an alternative form of self-expression, one by which she could avoid the emotional conflicts which surrounded her music. This identity compromise, however, could not work: not only was music too basic a part of her to be long denied, but, as it turned out, being a journalist in Communist China involved her in a new set of passions (or rather, an arduous reshaping of the old ones). Re- turning to the identity of the dedicated artist could not protect her from these passions, but it could at least permit her to meet them with her strongest weapons.
Grace's constellation of identities gave her encounter with thought reform an unusual emotional coloring. As a Westernized Christian girl, she was immediately identified (and not entirely inaccurately) as one of the opposition. Studying in a missionary-established "castle of reaction," she was in this respect by no means alone. But she was particularly vulnerable because of her close relationship with an American teacher--an artist-disciple bond, in which, pro- tected by barriers of culture and status, she could experience a form of love. This does not however account for the extreme emotional pain she suffered during thought reform; her inner stress was greater than any of my other Chinese subjects, with the possible exception of Hu. The explanation lies partly in her long-standing attitude toward any form of strong emotion: suddenly confronted with mass frenzy, with the exaggerated passions unleashed by the Com- munists, it is not surprising that she became terrified. And when she was urged to join in with these passions, to denounce her revered teacher, she was overwhelmed by fear and by guilt--guilt both over refusing and thereby resisting the authorities, and over tendencies within her to comply and make the denunciation. Simi- larly, the denunciation of her university president by his daughter revived her own complicated feelings of guilt and resentment to- ward her parents. The hateful emotions so central to thought re- form were precisely the kind she had been warding off all her life.
These emotional patterns led her to distort sexual matters. It is true that in the Communist environment politics came first and love often was mechanical; but other students reported an atmos- phere more puritanical than the uninhibited one Grace described. As can occur in any moment of crisis, Grace's fears about sex and hostility became confused. Thus, all of her anxieties came to a head
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in her response to the germ warfare inoculation, and she experienced the injection as an assault upon her entire person. In making her exit from thought reform through illness, she brought a tremendous histrionic force to the old identity of the invalid, which was also in keeping with her previous use of hysterical mechanisms. Grace's negative identity was therefore an important factor in both her pain and her escape.
It would be wrong, however, to stress only this side of her char- acter. In her resistance to thought reform, she also gave evidence of the surprising strength inherent in her sense of being the Western Christian girl and the dedicated musician. Her previous exposure to W estern liberalism and her absorption with W estern classical music supported her in her belief that "the world could not be like this" (or at least that it need not be like this). These two identities, and perhaps especially the one of the dedicated artist, gave Grace extraordinary staying power. Not only did they help her survive thought reform pressures, they also served as important sources of stability during her tribulations in Hong Kong.
There she had to face--at first in lonely isolation--both the con- fusing aftereffects of thought reform, and an external environment which was unusually provocative for someone like her. So great was her identity diffusion that she reverted to every pattern of self- destructive emotional behavior, and every level of sexual and family conflict she had known since early childhood, to the point where she felt her sense of existence almost entirely fading away. Yet on her own emotional terms her movement toward renewal of identity was active from the first. In her dreams, in her relationships in Hong Kong, and in her attitudes toward me, she was searching for help, but she insisted on being the arbiter of her own life. Among my Chinese subjects, she was unusual in her ability to face and to talk about both the difficulties of freedom and the extent of residual
Communist influences. Her return to a mildly Christian, firmly Westernized, and profoundly artistic way of life (as well as extreme good fortune) led her to her new "mother," and to the promise of a creative personal future. Her old emotional patterns were of course still very much with her, as was also some of the message of thought reform; but equipped with a newly-integrated adult self and a clear sense of direction, she would probably manage to live with them.
? CHAPTER 19
CULTURAL PERSPECTIVES:
THE FATE OF FILIAL PIETY
Each of the four Chinese subjects I have described
experienced first an immersion into thought re- form--the beginnings of a personal change--and then a recoil from its demands. What brought about this recoil, which contrasted with the continued enthusiasms of more successfully reformed Chi- nese intellectuals? Without a comparative study of the latter group, no certain answer can be given to this question. But from the evi- dence at hand, we can say that some features of personal character and identity were consistently important in resistance to thought reform, not only for these four people, but for the remainder of my subjects as well. These are: tendencies toward rebelliousness and fear of domination (especially marked in Hu); strong need for in- dividual self-expression (George Chen and Grace Wu); binding family ties (George Chen); previous patterns of anomie and of emotional escape (Robert Chao, Grace Wu, and H u ) ; and a significant degree of Westernization, whether Christian or other- wise (Robert Chao, Grace Wu, and George Chen). These tend- encies are not simply rallying points of resistance; the conflicts exist- ing around them can also create specific susceptibilities to thought reform.
Even more important, these are themes which have long been at 359
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the very center of the personal struggles of most Chinese intel- lectuals. Tension about rebelliousness, self-expression, family loy- alties, alienation, and Westernization have particular significance for Chinese at this point in their history--as they must for the intellectual vanguard of any society whose traditional patterns are being replaced. In other words, these four case histories have intro- duced a set of conflicts relating to identity and ideology which no Chinese intellectual, in facing thought reform, could really avoid.
The roots of such tensions lie in the interplay of individual emo- tions with cultural and historical influences. I have chosen, as the title of this chapter suggests, to group all of these psychological factors around the concept of filial piety, a basic theme of Chinese culture, and one which has specific bearing upon the tensions just enumerated. And the historical vicissitudes of filialism, or rather of Chinese intellectuals (or literati) in relation to filialism, have spe- cial psychological importance for thought reform itself.
The individual lives we have been studying in many ways mir- ror the history of China itself: early years of filial identities derived from traditional Chinese culture; attraction during adolescence and young adulthood to more modern and Western influences; and finally, a third phase of Communism or thought reform. It seems that each Chinese intellectual has had to recapitulate personally the larger experiences of his culture in a psychocultural counterpart of the biological tenet that ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.
Filial influences are part of the entire history of China's tradi- tional culture, going back to the Han dynasty (206 B. C. -22O A. D. ) and before, and extending through the Ch'ing Dynasty (1644 A. D. - 1911 A. D. )to the revolution of 1911. "Modern" (I am using the term in a more restrictive sense than the way it is employed by historians) Chinese identities emerged during a transitional period which can be roughly located in the first half of the twentieth cen- tury, although it had its beginnings about fifty years before that. The third phase, of course, began with the Communist takeover of 1948-49.
For each of these historical stages a distinct pattern of Chinese cultural identity, based on shared individual experiences, can be delineated. To be sure, we must discuss ideal types, in some ways over-simplified, and by no means completely inclusive. But these can enable us to place both thought reform and the people under-
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going it in a perspective which, for being historical, is all the more psychological. 1
Traditional Filialism and the Filial Son
In traditional Chinese culture (I refer here most specifically to the period of the Ch'ing Dynasty), one was expected to be filial if nothing else. For the son or daughter of a gentry-literati family, the principle of hsiao or filial piety was at the very center of personal, family, and social existence. Its mystique was so powerful and so pervasive that Fung Yu-lan, a leading contemporary Chinese philos- opher, has called it "the ideological basis of traditional [Chinese] society. " 2
Whether he was seven or seventy, a son's attitude toward his parents was expected to be one of reverence, obedience, and loy- alty. Nor was this to be a token response, since if it did not stem naturally from his inner being, he was not being truly filial. He learned how to be a filial son from his parents and his older brothers and sisters, through the unconscious transmission of cultural forms as well as through their conscious elaboration. And the indoctrina- tion began early: when only three or four, a child might be told stones (in a culture very fond of storytelling) of the famous 'Twenty-four Examples of Filial Piety. " These included such tales as that of the eight-year-old boy who allowed mosquitoes to "feed without restraint upon his blood until they were satisfied" in order to prevent them from biting his parents; of the seventy-year-old man who dressed himself in gaily-colored garments and played like a child "in order to amuse his parents"; and the most impressive story of all, entitled "On Account Of His Mother He Buried His Child," which is worth quoting in full:
During the Han dynasty, Ko Keu, whose family was very poor, had a child three years old. Keu's mother usually took some of her food and gave to the child. One day he spoke to his wife about it, saying, "We are so poor that we cannot even support mother. Moreover, the little one shares mother's food, Why not bury this child? We may have an- other; but if mother should die, we cannot obtain her again. "
His wife did not dare to oppose. Keu, when he had dug a hole more than two feet deep, suddenly saw a vase of gold. On the top of the vase was an inscription, saying, "Heaven bestows this gold on Ko Keu7 the dutiful son. The officers shall not seize it, nor shall the people take it. " 3
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The father-son relationship was most important, the ultimate model for almost all other relationships in Chinese society. It com- bined love and respect and a certain distance, the last created both by family ritual and by the limited role which the father played in the child's early upbringing. A child was to feel similar emotions to- ward his mother, although here the barriers were down a bit and there was room for more indulgence; but, as Ko Keu's story sug- gests, there was no lessresponsibility.
The filial principle extended into all important family and social ties. Of the "Five Most Important Human Relationships" described by Confucius (between Sovereign and Subject, Father and Son, Husband and Wife, Elder and Younger Brothers, and Friend and Friend) three were within the family, and the other two were based upon specific family models.
One of these, the relationship between Sovereign and Subject, has special importance for us. It was conceived as an extension of the relationship between father and son: "From the way in which one serves one's father, one learns how to serve one's sovereign. The respect shown to them is the same. " 4 At the same time, it differed by being a "social or moral" relationship rather than a "natural"
(or blood) tie. Therefore, one felt respect but not love for one's sovereign. This attitude was compared to that between man and wife, in which respect and duty were also emphasized more than love. The analogy was especially important for the government official (the standard career of the literati class), since he was con- sidered "married" to the sovereign. He was expected to emulate the bride who transfers her loyalties from her family to her husband and his family: "Before marriage she was the daughter of her parents; after it, she became the wife of her husband"; in becoming "married" to the royal family, a man was expected to experience a similar "transformation of filial piety into loyalty to the sovereign. " But here too there was a distinction, for in this transformation "the filial son does not cease to be a filial son"; in fact, in his new situa- tion, this transformation "is the only way in which he can continue to be a filial son. " The point is that loyalty to one's sovereign should be part of, rather than conflict with, one's sense of being a filial son. 5
There was thus in the filial identity a strong sense of personal continuity, continuity between family and society, and in fact in the entire life cycle. The male infant was made much of because,
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as one of his most important filial duties, he would continue the family line. From the first stories casually (or not so casually) told to him, through a period of childhood and youth devoted largely to a-study of the classics (The Book of Filial Piety, The Book of Rites, the Confucian Analects, The Great Learning, The Doctrine of the Mean, The Spring and Autumn Annals, The Work of Mencius), his education was to a great degree an uninterrupted in- doctrination for this identity. As his first exercises in reading and writing, he began to memorize filial principles long before he could understand what they meant. Most of his education was under his family's control; sometimes his tutor was directly employed by his family, sometimes he was taught in a clan or village school. Ad- vanced institutions for the study of Confucianism did exist in large cities; but a gentry youth need not attend one of these to pursue his studies of the classics in preparation for state examinations, nor did these schools appear to provide the opportunity for youthful self- expression that we associate with European and American universi- ties.
In traditional China, there was no institutionalized youth culture or youth rebellion. 6 There was a group of ch'ing-nien jen (young peo- ple, or literally, "green-years men")--male youths between sixteen and thirty not yet married--who did to some extent associate with each other, but not to the extent of developing a collective voice or an organized group life. And since marriages took place early-- bridegrooms were often in their late teens and brides even younger --a youth was not likely to remain in this category for long. Even more important in preventing youthful rebellion was the ethos that youth was to serve age: whether indulged during early childhood, strictly disciplined during later childhood, or allowed a modicum of personal freedom during his teens, one's importance lay, not in the youth he was, but in the man he would become, and mainly in relationship to his family and his society. A Chinese youth became a man not by casting off his father's influence and control, but rather by adapting himself to them, by becoming like him, by identifying with him in attitude and belief, as generations before had done with their fathers. 7 A recent sociological observer has claimed that "for hundreds and thousands of years there was no conflict of generations in China. "8 This statement is surely ex- travagant, especially since it ignores inner conflict; but it does in-
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dicate the ideal of father-son continuity which held sway in China for so long.
To marry and have children of one's own were in themselves filial tasks; as Mencius pointed out, "there are three unfilial acts, and of these lack of posterity is the greatest. " And as a mature man and a father himself, the filial son reinforced his filialism by teach- ing its principles to others. At the same time his responsibility for the care of his own parents increased, and still included the most personal form of attention--a responsibility he could never shirk no matter where in the empire he served, or how high in the bureaucracy he rose. When his parents died, the filial son was expected not only to arrange a proper burial, but subsequently to "love what they loved77 and "revere what they reverenced.
