No More Learning

C. Master, thou'rt a dunce. It is Te D'eum. A very. ,
of both words and matter very undigested, unseemly, and even unsound? That is, whether they wou'd have a goad form, or a badonsi since form it must'be. As, whe
ther they shou'd fing well, or ill will have.
?
finging they,
good -hymn in English, tho' it be popery in Latin.
O. Nay, if we're come to Latin too — I'll tell theefl
we call'd it Teddum at the private academy, where I was Jbalf-bred SX Stepney,, . ' . Jl^i-
high-
The REHEARSAL.
4* "Besides, this going to PouPs is call'd a procestion.
"Which is a plain popish word ; and carefully avoided by all us faints. It is the very mark of the beast, O popery. ' popery! we may see whither we are a going.
Didst thou never hear of the
? care not what are. But I'll tell thee
C. I
I din'd that
thanksgiving. I got in at t>r—rs Hall. And there
day.
I lik'd that the best
part
of the . I
popish-procestions
they where
met with a great disappointment. For I expected, after dinner, the healths usual on these As
first I
and then my Lord Duke of Marlborough, again and a- gain, then Sir George Rook, with their further good suc
wou'd be the Queens, the thought then Prince,
cess, by land and sea, Sec. till I should have got my
Jkinfull of good claret,
better than the October at which
great solemnities.
tIhou and I us'd to swill. But master, dee'l a bit cou'd
one There was not one of their healths, nor
get drop.
any notice taken at all of the victory. Was not that
strange ? mnster.
O. No. Not at all. Thou know'st we have many
friends in that company. And it was so with several others. Do'st think we're mad? to be sounding out the praises of a church-man, except a little for popularity,
when we cannot help it. Many of the chief of our nvhigs had no illuminations that night.
C. Ay, master, and he's a high-church-man too. Is'nt his name Church-hill t And is'nt a church upon a hill a high-church ?
O. I have been upon the bones ofsome-body, and his wise too, as well as Sir George Rook, and all the rest of the church ministry, ever since this reign.
C. That thou hast, master, and bravely, even since their late victories both by land and sea. We have made a dog of Rook, and nam'd him plainly, in our Ob- servators, Views, Re-views, Mercuries, and all the rest
of our scandalous club ; we have done it more since his taking of Gibraltar than before, lest he shou'd get any reputation by and so get above our malice, as another
seems to have done. But he's mistaken he think so. For
if
it,
4a The REHEARS At. .
For tho' we cannot name him downright, at present ; yet^ we can point — and our friends know what we mean. Thou told'st us a pretty slory, in thy ObJ'ervator of last Sept. 2. The day of the fire of London. I'll rehearse
some of it. . Thus faid'st thou I me Some are so has
dare
tily and highly promoted, that assure thee rather
of their fall than of their lives, and firm standing. We have already seen many, at whose promotion we wonder'd,- and as much marvelled at their sudden fall. We have
seen Cincius Fulvius in one year made consul, his children tribunes, his wife matron to the virgins, and alfa, keepress of the Capitol ; and after that, not in one year i but the fame day, we have seen Cincius. beheaded in the
place, his children drowned in the Tyber, his wife ba nish' his house rased to the ground, and alihis goods conr
takes but one fingle person into hit bosom
he takes a large family into his court
of a prince that goes in leading-strings
of a crafty knave, deserves no better title than a tool, in government. He's a meer trisle, a gew-gaw, H.
pageant sovereignty -^-He's a prince in a nursery, and
tnust demean himself according to the prescription his keeper. And to conclude the character of the favourite you mean, you turn him to woman, and call him ve- nefica a witch. And then pass sentence of depofition upon the prince for employing of such- And call him
that honest trusselol Canterbury who. virTUTE OFFICII,
pronomcedsentence
depofition against him, H. John, for his. - favou-.
to :
fiscate to the common treasury. And all this, mafi. cr, the* faid'st since the great news of the viStory,
But before vissfine clad*itictof,,3,%f\ riding in triumph- only over his queen. Cincius w'as then no soldier at all. And thou faid'st last January, Vol. II. N. 82. Since those times we have seen honour and wealth conferred on soldiers and no soldiers; and such as have done the least service the common-wealth, have reaped the greatest advantage-
from the publick. And, as said before, no men are more
dangerous to a state, than favourite men mate a monopoly royal favour
war — who-
A prince doing that, The great boy
but
under the guidance
of
of
of
aI
;
of
of by
. •
it
s,;
'd,
THe REHEARSAL.
4^
favourites-. And speak particularly of those whom the
prince raises from a meanfortune. This is thy grievance. And thou know'st some or other in England, who, by
i/irtue of their office, may depose the King , for having such a favourite. And call'st him an honest sellow, who for this fhou'd depose his King.
Rare doctrine
themfelves, except they please thee and me, master !
! Let look to
master. favourites
Ay,
and their master too. We'll serve 'em all alike !
O, 'tis
a brave thing, to be pulling down, andsetting up Kings !
To make them and their favourites tremble under us ! But I've heard fay, master, That it was never known In the world, that no history can give an instance, where
fauch a saucy varies as my master was sufFer'd to arraign the government, to lampoon, bespatter and. abuse the whole ministry; with threats of deposttion even to the
crown. And that publickly and in print, to go out twici
a aveek as news; wherein the parliament, council, bi shops, judges, and all inserior officers, with generals, ad mirals, Sec. are put into your list of knaves. And that
while you are under the prosecution of the lavj, for writ
ing these fame Observators. But you still write on, en-
crease in your insolence, and fay, that none dare toucli
you
Will this be belicv'd in other countries, or in after-
!
eges ! what a notion will it give them of our constitution ! which cannot afford proteclion to the government from
die meanest scoundrel I while he sets up his liberty and property, to attack the government, and all that are in potoer, openly, and above board ! and can carry it oft,
The following Advertisement was sent to me by penny - post. From whom I know not. Put it in, master, and
we'll talk more of this another time.
'pHERE will— be a book, which shortly publish'd may
be intitled Traps for Vermin in the State : Be ing a discourse on slander and sedition, suggesting fair and proper remedies against the present prevailing di stemper of the government, by the pernicious licence
withflyingcolours t
The REHEARSAL'
of;calumnies, libels, and the like malicious
contriv'd and propagated by guilty and ambitious knaves, to deceive and impose on the credulity of in nocent and easy fools, publish'd and spread by such- im
plements of iniquity, z%Obsewators, and other the like scurrilous and Grub-fireet writers, who by venomous
pamphlets insect the unwary people, audaciously attack ing the government in every part of the administra-> tion, defaming ministers and officers in highest trust la
the state, army, navy, £sfc. on which argument it will be shewn out of history, and from our own and others the best authorities, the mischiess incident to the pub- lick, by not timely animadverting on such ofsences. Reserence also will be had to such laws as the Romans and other wise and polite nations provided against such- offenders, according to the nature and' quality of the crime and the criminal, punishing by death, banishment, sine, imprisonment, mutilation, stigmatizing, &c. To,
which will be added a moral admonition to those whom- it may concern (leaving it to their consciences respec
tively to reflect at whose door the guilt will chiefly lie, if by their cowardice or connivance, cif c. the laws being struck dumb, and the executive power thereby made impotent, whereby such wretches act their villanies with impunity) if persons of honour and spirit shall by such fatal neglect become driven (as the last remedy) to carve out their own justice, and redress themselves oa such barking mungrels who are suborn'd and kept in pay to worry their reputation in so vile a manner. The conclusion of which discourse shall contain the character of a state hypocrite, wherein such men must be content to sit for their pictures, who shall be found at any time- in any government under the mask of patriots, to cover most guilty projects against the peace and stability of the
4*
forgeries
their methods, aims, and ends; With an Ephemeris or prognostick of the several kinds
©f weather in the state, which such practices may pro duce respectively. To be sold by the booksellers of London and Wejlminster.
government, explaining
The REHEARSAL:
From &at. Sept. 16 to J&at. Sept. 23, 1 704. N° 8.
The Observator's present treatment of the lord duke os'Marl- borough. Os Sir George Rook. And os the lord high admiral, the design os deflraying the credit os the London Gazette, and all papers publish'd by authority.
\J
Coun. /^\ Thou dog in a doublet ! my oaken-towel itches
to be at thee. I shall not leave a whole bone in thy/kin, ifthou acquit not thy self to my fatisfaction.
O. Dear country-man be patient. Thou frights me out of my little units. Thou look'st as fierce as an
lion. What is the matter ?
C. Matter! is the devil in thee ? Thou'It make us odi ous and detested to all the nation. Can'st thou not leave
off abufing the duke of Marlborough in every one of thy Observators, since his late glorious victory f Have I not told thee of this over and over ? and all cannot cure thy rancor.
0. Why ! hast not thou rancor as well as me ?
C. Rancor! I cou'd eat him without/s//. And so wou'd we all. But I am not such an errant dunce, a booby,
a bays, to spoil all my own plots, and let every body know what we mean.
In thine of last Aug. 23. Vol. 3. No. 44. thou mad'st both him and his dutches to be Jacohites, that that we thought them so. Which (fay you) lessen them both in the esteem many honest people. Meaning our selves. And
giv'st this as an excuse for all the vile things thou had'st laid of them both before. An excuse Quotha! Was this an excuse Why, was ten times worse than all thou had'st spew'd out against them before. The devil has
scoop out thy brains, and ■ in thy skull.
O. did it, that others might think them so. And was not that the efsectual way to ruin them For yop.
know, that to be suspected and guilty much the /ame
thing with mob. And. Reputation Hastest, not fd . easily
is
? is
d
is,
Id
?
of it
46
The
REHEARS AX.
easily fodder' d again. And it might serve us another day,
that it had been once said, and in print too. Besides, do
but observe my cunning ! Ij>ut the proas' upon the Jact- . hins, and' fay',' that they faid lo. " AnI ffereidre, that w* did believe it.
C. Thy cunning ! it was perlaus indeed ! Should we believe because the Jacohites said so? If they had thought so, they would not have told- thee. But didst thou ever hear any of them say Do'st thou converse with them
O. No, hang them they won't converse with me. But have thee for my evidence, will iegf, that thou hast heard themfay so.
C. Then thou'lt tell a dainn'd lie. Tor never heard ■one of them fay so in my lise, or any thing like it.
O. What signisies that? Can'st thou not fay that thou •did'st hear them fay so How wouM'st thou venture thy
neck for the cause, when thou grudgest the labour ofspeak ing three words
C. sind our cause cannot be serv'd, while we have one grain of conscience or common hones left behind.
But we should have little policy, not to let our
to all the world. That ■which has enragd me, to see thee and the rest of our
godly, shew their resentments when they should have con cealed them. What needed that over-tenderness of confei- ,ence, or over-running of the spleen, that in our publick halls (as told thee in my last) upon the day of thanks giving for the victory of the duke of Marlborough, we shou'd rather drop the queens health (which part of
thesolemnity at such times) than be oblig'd to drink that of the duke of Marlborough, which must have follow'd, and Sir George Rook too, with wishing farther success to their arms, &c.
O. They did not well. What do'st think we have no conscience, to offer even wet-prayer for what we ab hor, and dread above all things in the world Success to
them ruin to our cause. And the spirits of our friends are to be kept up, by as publick notices as we can give
knavery appear bare-sac'
is 3
I I
I
?
?
is a
a
!
I I
so i
i
da
y
?
? !
it is
it,
The REHEARSAL.
47
them, not to run in to the rejoicings for church-victories.
Therefore it was, that many of us had no Lights in their windows that night. Nor since, upon the victory of Sir George Rook at sea. And while their successes were
founded from the fewer by their cannon, and from all the bells in the town, we lat and dumpish to let the sober ^arty know, that these were no •victories for us ! And to call them togroaning andgrunting in the inward, that the
r£«r£v& ministry, under an episcopal queen, was like to carry all before them.
Pursuant to this, we take all occasions to shew dis-re- spc8 to the duke of Marlborough, and to lessen the fame of
his -victories.
C. How can you do that? What a pox, you cannot
deny the victories.
O. No. But we can transfer them in great part to
ttbers. And you know that takes so much from him. Didn'stthou take notice what I faid in my Observator of last Saturday, Sept. 1 6. when I told thee, that we must not hearken to the acclamations of a party ; that when brave actions are magnify 'd to such a degree, they are lessen d in the eyes of understanding men. It's a strange cafe, that where so many brave men were engag'd, that the whole success stmid be attributed to one person. Those that know the ac- tounts of that fight, otherwise than by the publick prints,
honour ofthe victory.
C. And do'st thou think this will bringthee off? Here
thou mak'st a full discovery. That we are not the party which magnisy the duke of Marlborough, but endeavour to hfsen him. In the next place, thou giv'st to understand, as if we had some secret accounts of that fight, less to the duke's honour, than what is given in the publick accounts.
And we know how far that innuendo will go.
O. How far?
C. Thou hast explain'd master, in thy last Obferva-
tor of Sept. 20th to help those who may be dull as not to apprehend it. Where thou put'st the case thus, Am bound to believt dl the newt that publish authority
And
willtellyou, that prince Eugene had a goodshare of the
it, is
'd by
so
? 1
#8
The REHEARS A12
And resolv'st in the pretty story thou tell'st of Sir WlU . liam umcr, that we are not to believe the kings Gazette,
tho\ as thou fay'st simply, it readseveral times in coun cil before printed. And thou giv'st reason why we should not believe a paper, that has such authority, and the royal imprimatur because, fay'st thou, we
how much a party there in must confider . we make the these relations. So that
government party (only) against us. And then thou know'st, we are a party against the government.
And which will prevail, now the question. Towards which there one thing we have too long forgot. And now teel the smart of it. That is, having suffer'd the
London Gazettes and other papers publish'd by authority, to retain any credit amongst the people. For these, their victories are proclaim and we have not the full berty to fay and turn things as we please. Therefore
neceflary that this fort of the enemies be attach, ob structs our lines of communication. Therefore rejoice to see the trenches open'd, and our batteries begin to play concert. The very day before thy last Observator came out, that is, on Tuesday the 9th of this September, our Review, Num. 57. gave the sirst on-set, to prepare the way for thee, who was to march up with the main body the
next day, and give the general assault. The Review begins his attack with long Canterbury story of mayor, who
having provided splendid entertainment for the late thanksgiving-day, with two hogsheads ofstrong beer for the soldiers, for which he quotes the London Gazette; and adds
(whether true orfalse know not) that the mayor dy'd the
day before the thanksgiving. Then how could he treat,
or give the beer Yet they might cat and drink tho' he
were dead. And he provided for them, was his
treat still. Master, this very fimple story. But upon this, he attacks the credit of the London Gazette, and con
cludes thus respectfully to a paper of authority, that the London Gazette, and the London Post lwillsoon
papers equal reputation. know his anger at the Gazette was for telling of the publick rejoycings on the thanksgiv ing-day. And perhaps Mr. Webb the mayor of Canterbury,
whom
of
it is
I
it
is a
1 is
be
in
it li
is a
? a if I a
;
it
by it
a
I
is
.
'd,
in
is
of
it,
a
is
T
The REHEARSAL.
49
whom he makes dead, may be yet alive. But 'tis no mat ter for that ! here's an attack made upon the London Ga- œtte f And my master follows next day, with equal force !
and the day following, Thursday Sept. zi . the Master Mer cury, Num. 14. brings up the rear, in ascornful invetUve
upon the London Gazette, and Sir George Rook, and in. justification of the Paris Gazette. Thus qui cannon play 'd
upon the fame point three days fucceifively.
And the truth on't is, master, we shall make little pro
gress, if om party will believe any thing but what we tell them. For want of this method, in time, these late vic
tories have set us hard. We must now bestir our selves, or we're lost for ever. Therefore all pains must be takes to Jink the growing reputation of this duke of Marlborough.
And that is to be done, by the way thou hast taken, first to throw out innuendoes against the publick news, that the matter is not so much to his advantage, as is reported.
And then, to transfer as much of theglory as we can upoa prince Eugene, tho' he be a papist? . It is not the sirst time that we have made good use ofpapishes, to balaixe
the church of England. .
Ill tell thee, master, I was in company soon after the first news of the victoty at Hochstet, with one of our noble lords (I mean of ours ) and when the duke of Marlborough' s health was begun, by a tantivy-man in the company, his lordjhip faid, the duke had a good hit. But it was well
for him that prince Eugene was there. And then turn'd the health and faid, Come, here's little Eugene's health. He's the man. And since that, in a large club of our
considerable whigs. m the city, I faw the duke of Marl- borough's health refus'd, and prince Eugene's drank iu the stead of it. And this que is generally given through the party. But I would not fay a word of it to thee, master, thy Observator about prince Eugene came out, lest it might put thee upon thy guard ; and to try thy mettle,
, whether thou durst publish it to the world. I
(before thou wou'dst have it. As rather theught deny'd we now begin,
to do our calves-head-feasts, after they have been fully provd upon US.
Vol. I. D But
I
5o
The REHEARSAL.
But how shall we get off now from Sir George Rook ? whom thou, and the whole set of us have bespattered in the vilest manner, these several years together. Now we see be dare fight. Pox take these church-men. They make us lyars by their actions. They have the luck on't.
O. We must be the more insolent for that. And stand to our tackle. We know who will believe us. We must row take part with the Paris Gazette, and run down
I did before the taking Gibraltar, because it was done by Sir George Rook. If he had burnt and sunk the whole French sleet, he had been the fame Sir George Rook to us still. For we are ir-reconcileable ! We fay now that he had not sought this time, but that he was ShoveWd into it. We have a Eugene for him too. Do'st observe how lessen this engagement in my last, and compare it to
that of London. And ridicule this great action at sea, as
I
seaHogue, where we had the ene thefight at. lA fourteen os
mies three deckt Jhips destroy d by our brave tars ?
C. A rope take thee for naming of that. For besides
the great superiority of our sleet to the French at that time, not like this last engagement ; we are told in the life pf our glorious king William, the second edit, printed 1703. p. 334. that it was this fame Sit George Rook, then vice-admiral, who did that execution upon the French
sleet, and burnt their ships.
O. But ;t was admiral Russel that commanded in chief. C. But suppose the church-men shou'd make an Eugene
of Rook.
O. Never sear it. They can do no business at all.
They are ty'd up with rules of conscience, and honour, and good manners. They can give just praises to one, with out derogation to any other. They act only upon die de
And can these ever do any good ? especially
fenfive.
when they have to do with us !
C. But Sir George Ro, k commanded in chief, and was actor too, when he was sent to the Baltick with asect, t o compose the difference betwixt the two northern croivns, which he perform'd with great conduct, and was of mighty importance at that time.
And
The REHEARS AL.
5t And when he took and burnt 1 8 men os war, twofri
gates and asire-ship, with 17 galleons at Vigo. For which we had the sirst solemn thank/giving in this reign. And he received the most honourable thanks cou'd be given to a
subjeH. But he is the fame Sir George Rook to us still ! let him do what he will. As one of us faid in a coffee-house, speaking of this last engagement ; if the French had shut off Sir George Rook's head, all had been well.
O. I'll tell thee, countryman, it is not Rook nor Marl- borough neither, if we had them bothsacrific'd, wou'd da our business. Thou know'st what we wou'd be at. We must higher, and wound others through their sides. ' Thou hast before rehears'd to me my charges against the
lord high admiral, and how still stand to and wilL not abate an inch. And we must not let the clamour lie
still. Our friends memories must be refresh'd.
fore my last Wednesday Observator, fall upon the lord high admiral again. And giving the reason why our privateers take no more French ships, fay, an Exgli/h privateer takes a skip, and brings her into port— they must come up to London, and get her condemned in the
admiralty court. And after they have paid the perquifites the lord high admiral, and the charge condemnation, they had at good have staid at home. Then tell how the
mint de Thoulouse, lord high admiral 'France, bar
quitted his perquifites. And fay, why don't we do the like
How do'st thou know, that the count de Thoulouse
has quitted his perquifites?
0. How shou'd know an be hang'd to thee. But
who'll examine that Will not run among the mob, and prejudice them against our lord high admirals For what
other end, think'st thou, faid
C. But did not my queen, in herspeech to the parlia
ment, tell of the good success of our privateers, and that the prizes were so well manag'd, as to add considerably to the expences of the war.
0. Wilt thou take thy queens word before mine espe
cially where her husband concern'd And hersels too most
There
is
I
it ?
s
I
it D?
%
?
?
?
I
us C. ?
in
of I of
if
I
it,
I
fly
5z The REHEARSAL.
most especially ? For I have often told thee, where the
must end. And to what end
ery of male administrations they are raised.
Any minister may be accus'd of male-administration, in a legal way, and before proper judges. - But no g•rverri- ment is publickly lampoon d and in print, where the design is not to over-throw it. And when the author is known, and still suffer'd to go on, tho' it may be clemency in the government, it may be constru'd impotency by its enemies, and encourage them in their attempts upon it. This is the
use, countryman, I have made of it. And still resolve to continue, with the help of legion.
Prom &at. Sept. 23, to &at. Sept. 30, 1704. N° 9.
The ObservatorV civil address to a madam he calls Pro serpina. Of the ladies neck-laces. His Shovelling of Sir George Rook. With right done to Sir Cloudefly.
Csun TT jAST Saturday, master, in our Rehearsal, we I did valiantly ! we gave a brave broad-fide to the church party, high and low. How smartly did'it
thou Thoulouse the prince our lord high admiral ? Thou Eugerfd the duke of Marlborough, and ShoveWd Sir Georg)
Rook.
The two sirst I rehearsed out of thy Ohservator, word
for word.
But the last I only faid was the word that
run among our party. And if thou hadst given me the
lyt, thou woud'st have putten me upon my proofs. But
thy Observator which came out the lame day, even last Saturday, came plum upon the point, and great part of it was taken up in directly Shovelling of this Rook. Tell
' me, master, is it true, after all, that thou play'st boo ty, and writes in concert with the Rehearsal, to make good
all the scandalous things he tells of thee, and of our par ty ? or, is it that the roguehsa a plaguy guess with him ?
or, has he aspy among us ?
O, No, no, countryman, it is none of these things.
Why,
all we have left to do.
The REHEARSAL.
5g
Why, a buxszard may see that we write only for a party. That our business is only to run down the church, anft the monarchy, and get them both into our own clutches. In order to which, we would have none but true-blue- whigs in the ministry, or in any command either by sea or land. How easy then is for any to tell before-hand,
whom We will praise or dispraise whose actions we will lessen, or transfer the honour to others and
we will magnify up to the jkies And though trie church-men tell us of this, and complain of and expose- us for over, and over yet we can not, we ««/?
nubofe
not help it. Our whole cause depends upon it.
If we suffer church-men to run away with the glory of victories by land andsca, what
will become of us
Therefore as tnoa didst remind me, fn thy Rehearsal
7. Did not even since the glorious victory at Hochstet, make some body Cincius Fulirius, mind him of his fuddeff rifinf, and threaten him with as sudden fall,
with the of his wift kc. whom call venefica *iAiftb; and {Vol. K. 45, last Aug. 26.