Aye, wretch indeed, what
troubles
have I not got into now!
Aristophanes
There!
tit for tat!
(_They exchange blows.
_)
THIRD WOMAN. Hold my cloak, Philista!
MNESILOCHUS. Come on then, and by Demeter . . .
THIRD WOMAN. Well! what?
MNESILOCHUS. . . . I'll make you disgorge the sesame-cake you have
eaten. [595]
CHORUS. Cease wrangling! I see a woman[596] running here in hot haste.
Keep silent, so that we may hear the better what she has to say.
CLISTHENES. Friends, whom I copy in all things, my hairless chin
sufficiently evidences how dear you are to me; I am women-mad and make
myself their champion wherever I am. Just now on the market-place I heard
mention of a thing that is of the greatest importance to you; I come to
tell it you, to let you know it, so that you may watch carefully and be
on your guard against the danger which threatens you.
CHORUS. What is it, my child? I can well call you child, for you have so
smooth a skin.
CLISTHENES. 'Tis said that Euripides has sent an old man here to-day, one
of his relations . . .
CHORUS. With what object? What is his purpose?
CLISTHENES. . . . so that he may hear your speeches and inform him of your
deliberations and intentions.
CHORUS. But how would a man fail to be recognized amongst women?
CLISTHENES. Euripides singed and depilated him and disguised him as a
woman.
MNESILOCHUS. This is pure invention! What man is fool enough to let
himself be depilated? As for myself, I don't believe a word of it.
CLISTHENES. Are you mad? I should not have come here to tell you, if I
did not know it on indisputable authority.
CHORUS. Great gods! what is it you tell us! Come, women, let us not lose
a moment; let us search and rummage everywhere! Where can this man have
hidden himself escape our notice? Help us to look, Clisthenes; we shall
thus owe you double thanks, dear friend.
CLISTHENES (_to a fourth woman_). Well then! let us see. To begin with
you; who are you?
MNESILOCHUS (_aside_). Wherever am I to stow myself?
CLISTHENES. Each and every one must pass the scrutiny.
MNESILOCHUS (_aside_). Oh! great gods!
FOURTH WOMAN. You ask me who I am? I am the wife of Cleonymus. [597]
CLISTHENES. Do you know this woman?
CHORUS. Yes, yes, pass on to the rest.
CLISTHENES. And she who carries the child?
MNESILOCHUS (_aside_). I'm a dead man. (_He runs off. _)
CLISTHENES (_to Mnesilochus_). Hi! you there! where are you off to? Stop
there. What are you running away for?
MNESILOCHUS. I want to relieve myself.
CLISTHENES. The shameless thing! Come, hurry yourself; I will wait here
for you.
CHORUS. Wait for her and examine her closely; 'tis the only one we do
not know.
CLISTHENES. You are a long time about your business.
MNESILOCHUS. Aye, my god, yes; 'tis because I am unwell, for I ate cress
yesterday. [598]
CLISTHENES. What are you chattering about cress? Come here and be quick.
MNESILOCHUS. Oh! don't pull a poor sick woman about like that.
CLISTHENES. Tell me, who is your husband?
MNESILOCHUS. My husband? Do you know a certain individual at
Cothocidae[599]. . . ?
CLISTHENES. Whom do you mean? Give his name.
MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis an individual to whom the son of a certain individual
one day. . . .
CLISTHENES. You are drivelling! Let's see, have you ever been here
before?
MNESILOCHUS. Why certainly, every year.
CLISTHENES. Who is your tent companion? [600]
MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis a certain. . . . Oh! my god!
CLISTHENES. You don't answer.
FIFTH WOMAN. Withdraw, all of you; I am going to examine her thoroughly
about last year's mysteries. But move away, Clisthenes, for no man may
hear what is going to be said. Now answer my questions! What was done
first?
MNESILOCHUS. Let's see then. What was done first? Oh! we drank.
FIFTH WOMAN. And then?
MNESILOCHUS. We drank to our healths.
FIFTH WOMAN. You will have heard that from someone. And then?
MNESILOCHUS. Xenylla relieved herself in a cup, for there was no other
vessel.
FIFTH WOMAN. You trifle. Here, Clisthenes, here! This is the man of whom
you spoke.
CLISTHENES. What is to be done then?
FIFTH WOMAN. Take off his clothes, I can get nothing out of him.
MNESILOCHUS. What! are you going to strip a mother of nine children
naked?
CLISTHENES. Come, undo your girdle, you shameless thing.
FIFTH WOMAN. Ah! what a sturdy frame! but she has no breasts like we
have.
MNESILOCHUS. That's because I'm barren. I never had any children.
FIFTH WOMAN. Oh! indeed! just now you were the mother of nine.
CLISTHENES. Stand up straight. Hullo! what do I see there? Why, a penis
sticking out behind.
FIFTH WOMAN. There's no mistaking it; you can see it projecting, and a
fine red it is.
CLISTHENES. Where has it gone to now?
FIFTH WOMAN. To the front.
CLISTHENES. No.
FIFTH WOMAN. Ah! 'tis behind now.
CLISTHENES. Why, friend, 'tis for all the world like the Isthmus; you
keep pulling your tool backwards and forwards just as the Corinthians do
their ships. [601]
FIFTH WOMAN. Ah! the wretch! this is why he insulted us and defended
Euripides.
MNESILOCHUS.
Aye, wretch indeed, what troubles have I not got into now!
FIFTH WOMAN. What shall we do?
CLISTHENES. Watch him closely, so that he does not escape. As for me, I
go to report the matter to the magistrates, the Prytanes.
CHORUS. Let us kindle our lamps; let us go firmly to work and with
courage, let us take off our cloaks and search whether some other man has
not come here too; let us pass round the whole Pnyx,[602] examine the
tents and the passages. [603] Come, be quick, let us start off on a light
toe[604] and rummage all round in silence. Let us hasten, let us finish
our round as soon as possible. Look quickly for the traces that might
show you a man hidden here, let your glance fall on every side; look well
to the right and to the left. If we seize some impious fellow, woe to
him! He will know how we punish the outrage, the crime, the sacrilege.
The criminal will then acknowledge at last that gods exist; his fate will
teach all men that the deities must be revered, that justice must be
observed and that they must submit to the sacred laws. If not, then woe
to them! Heaven itself will punish sacrilege; being aflame with fury and
mad with frenzy, all their deeds will prove to mortals, both men and
women, that the deity punishes injustice and impiety, and that she is not
slow to strike. But I think I have now searched everywhere and that no
other man is hidden among us.
SIXTH WOMAN. Where is he flying to? Stop him! stop him! Ah! miserable
woman that I am, he has torn my child from my breast and has disappeared
with it.
MNESILOCHUS. Scream as loud as you will, but he shall never suck your
bosom more. If you do not let me go this very instant, I am going to cut
open the veins of his thighs with this cutlass and his blood shall flow
over the altar.
SIXTH WOMAN. Oh! great gods! oh! friends, help me! terrify him with your
shrieks, triumph over this monster, permit him not to rob me of my only
child.
CHORUS. Oh! oh! venerable Parcae, what fresh attack is this? 'Tis the
crowning act of audacity and shamelessness! What has he done now,
friends, what has he done?
MNESILOCHUS. Ah! this insolence passes all bounds, but I shall know how
to curb it.
CHORUS. What a shameful deed! the measure of his iniquities is full!
SIXTH WOMAN. Aye, 'tis shameful that he should have robbed me of my
child.
CHORUS. 'Tis past belief to be so criminal and so impudent!
MNESILOCHUS. Ah! you're not near the end of it yet.
SIXTH WOMAN. Little I care whence you come; you shall not return to boast
of having acted so odiously with impunity, for you shall be punished.
MNESILOCHUS. You won't do it, by the gods!
CHORUS. And what immortal would protect you for your crime?
MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis in vain you talk! I shall not let go the child.
CHORUS. By the goddesses, you will not laugh presently over your crime
and your impious speech. For with impiety, as 'tis meet, shall we reply
to your impiety. Soon fortune will turn round and overwhelm you. Come!
bring wood along. Let us burn the wretch, let us roast him as quickly as
possible.
SIXTH WOMAN. Bring faggots, Mania! (_To Mnesilochus. _) You will be mere
charcoal soon.
CHORUS. Grill away, roast me, but you, my child, take off this Cretan
robe and blame no one but your mother for your death. But what does this
mean? The little girl is nothing but a skin filled with wine and shod
with Persian slippers. [605] Oh! you wanton, you tippling woman, who think
of nothing but wine; you are a fortune to the drinking-shops and are our
ruin; for the sake of drink, you neglect both your household and your
shuttle!
SIXTH WOMAN. Faggots, Mania, plenty of them.
MNESILOCHUS. Bring as many as you like. But answer me; are you the mother
of this brat?
SIXTH WOMAN. I carried it ten months. [606]
MNESILOCHUS. You carried it?
SIXTH WOMAN. I swear it by Artemis.
MNESILOCHUS. How much does it hold? Three cotylae? [607] Tell me.
SIXTH WOMAN. Oh! what have you done? You have stripped the poor child
quite naked, and it is so small, so small.
MNESILOCHUS. So small?
SIXTH WOMAN. Yes, quite small, to be sure.
MNESILOCHUS. How old is it? Has it seen the feast of cups thrice or four
times?
SIXTH WOMAN. It was born about the time of the last Dionysia. [608] But
give it back to me.
MNESILOCHUS. No, may Apollo bear me witness.
SIXTH WOMAN. Well, then we are going to burn him.
MNESILOCHUS. Burn me, but then I shall rip this open instantly.
SIXTH WOMAN. No, no, I adjure you, don't; do anything you like to me
rather than that.
MNESILOCHUS. What a tender mother you are; but nevertheless I shall rip
it open. (_Tears open the wine-skin_. )
SIXTH WOMAN. Oh, my beloved daughter! Mania, hand me the sacred cup, that
I may at least catch the blood of my child.
MNESILOCHUS. Hold it below; 'tis the sole favour I grant you.
SIXTH WOMAN. Out upon you, you pitiless monster!
MNESILOCHUS. This robe belongs to the priestess. [609]
SIXTH WOMAN. What belongs to the priestess?
MNESILOCHUS. Here, take it. (_Throws her the Cretan robe. _)
SEVENTH WOMAN. Ah! unfortunate Mica! who has robbed you of your daughter,
your beloved child?
SIXTH WOMAN. That wretch. But as you are here, watch him well, while I go
with Clisthenes to the Prytanes and denounce him for his crimes.
MNESILOCHUS. Ah! how can I secure safety? what device can I hit on? what
can I think of? He whose fault it is, he who hurried me into this
trouble, will not come to my rescue. Let me see, whom could I best send
to him? Ha! I know a means taken from Palamedes; like him, I will write
my misfortune on some oars, which I will cast into the sea. But there are
no oars here. Where might I find some? [610] Where indeed? Bah! what if I
took these statues[611] instead of oars, wrote upon them and then threw
them towards this side and that. 'Tis the best thing to do. Besides, like
oars they are of wood. Oh! my hands, keep up your courage, for my safety
is at stake. Come, my beautiful tablets, receive the traces of my stylus
and be the messengers of my sorry fate. Oh! oh! this B looks miserable
enough! Where is it running to then? Come, off with you in all
directions, to the right and to the left; and hurry yourselves, for
there's much need indeed!
CHORUS. Let us address ourselves to the spectators to sing our praises,
despite the fact that each one says much ill of women. If the men are to
be believed, we are a plague to them; through us come all their troubles,
quarrels, disputes, sedition, griefs and wars. But if we are truly such a
pest, why marry us? Why forbid us to go out or show ourselves at the
window? You want to keep this pest, and take a thousand cares to do it.
If your wife goes out and you meet her away from the house, you fly into
a fury. Ought you not rather to rejoice and give thanks to the gods? for
if the pest has disappeared, you will no longer find it at home. If we
fall asleep at friends' houses from the fatigue of playing and sporting,
each of you comes prowling round the bed to contemplate the features of
this pest. If we seat ourselves at the window, each one wants to see the
pest, and if we withdraw through modesty, each wants all the more to see
the pest perch herself there again. It is thus clear that we are better
than you, and the proof of this is easy. Let us find out which is worse
of the two sexes. We say, "'Tis you," while you aver, 'tis we. Come, let
us compare them in detail, each individual man with a woman. Charminus is
not equal to Nausimache,[612] that's certain. Cleophon[613] is in every
respect inferior to Salabaccho. [614] 'Tis long now since any of you has
dared to contest the prize with Aristomache, the heroine of Marathon, or
with Stratonice. [615]
Among the last year's Senators, who have just yielded their office to
other citizens, is there one who equals Eubule? [616] Therefore we
maintain that men are greatly our inferiors. You see no woman who has
robbed the State of fifty talents rushing about the city in a magnificent
chariot; our greatest peculations are a measure of corn, which we steal
from our husbands, and even then we return it them the very same day. But
we could name many amongst you who do quite as much, and who are, even
more than ourselves, gluttons, parasites, cheats and kidnappers of
slaves. We know how to keep our property better than you. We still have
our cylinders, our beams,[617] our baskets and our sunshades; whereas
many among you have lost the wood of your spears as well as the iron, and
many others have cast away their bucklers on the battlefield.
There are many reproaches we have the right to bring against men. The
most serious is this, that the woman, who has given birth to a useful
citizen, whether taxiarch or strategus[618] should receive some
distinction; a place of honour should be reserved for her at the Sthenia,
the Scirophoria,[619] and the other festivals that we keep. On the other
hand, she of whom a coward was born or a worthless man, a bad
trierarch[620] or an unskilful pilot, should sit with shaven head, behind
her sister who had borne a brave man. Oh! citizens! is it just, that the
mother of Hyperbolus should sit dressed in white and with loosened
tresses beside that of Lamachus[621] and lend out money on usury? He, who
may have done a deal of this nature with her, so far from paying her
interest, should not even repay the capital, saying, "What, pay you
interest? after you have given us this delightful son? "
MNESILOCHUS. I have contracted quite a squint by looking round for him,
and yet Euripides does not come. Who is keeping him? No doubt he is
ashamed of his cold Palamedes. [622] What will attract him? Let us see! By
which of his pieces does he set most store?
THIRD WOMAN. Hold my cloak, Philista!
MNESILOCHUS. Come on then, and by Demeter . . .
THIRD WOMAN. Well! what?
MNESILOCHUS. . . . I'll make you disgorge the sesame-cake you have
eaten. [595]
CHORUS. Cease wrangling! I see a woman[596] running here in hot haste.
Keep silent, so that we may hear the better what she has to say.
CLISTHENES. Friends, whom I copy in all things, my hairless chin
sufficiently evidences how dear you are to me; I am women-mad and make
myself their champion wherever I am. Just now on the market-place I heard
mention of a thing that is of the greatest importance to you; I come to
tell it you, to let you know it, so that you may watch carefully and be
on your guard against the danger which threatens you.
CHORUS. What is it, my child? I can well call you child, for you have so
smooth a skin.
CLISTHENES. 'Tis said that Euripides has sent an old man here to-day, one
of his relations . . .
CHORUS. With what object? What is his purpose?
CLISTHENES. . . . so that he may hear your speeches and inform him of your
deliberations and intentions.
CHORUS. But how would a man fail to be recognized amongst women?
CLISTHENES. Euripides singed and depilated him and disguised him as a
woman.
MNESILOCHUS. This is pure invention! What man is fool enough to let
himself be depilated? As for myself, I don't believe a word of it.
CLISTHENES. Are you mad? I should not have come here to tell you, if I
did not know it on indisputable authority.
CHORUS. Great gods! what is it you tell us! Come, women, let us not lose
a moment; let us search and rummage everywhere! Where can this man have
hidden himself escape our notice? Help us to look, Clisthenes; we shall
thus owe you double thanks, dear friend.
CLISTHENES (_to a fourth woman_). Well then! let us see. To begin with
you; who are you?
MNESILOCHUS (_aside_). Wherever am I to stow myself?
CLISTHENES. Each and every one must pass the scrutiny.
MNESILOCHUS (_aside_). Oh! great gods!
FOURTH WOMAN. You ask me who I am? I am the wife of Cleonymus. [597]
CLISTHENES. Do you know this woman?
CHORUS. Yes, yes, pass on to the rest.
CLISTHENES. And she who carries the child?
MNESILOCHUS (_aside_). I'm a dead man. (_He runs off. _)
CLISTHENES (_to Mnesilochus_). Hi! you there! where are you off to? Stop
there. What are you running away for?
MNESILOCHUS. I want to relieve myself.
CLISTHENES. The shameless thing! Come, hurry yourself; I will wait here
for you.
CHORUS. Wait for her and examine her closely; 'tis the only one we do
not know.
CLISTHENES. You are a long time about your business.
MNESILOCHUS. Aye, my god, yes; 'tis because I am unwell, for I ate cress
yesterday. [598]
CLISTHENES. What are you chattering about cress? Come here and be quick.
MNESILOCHUS. Oh! don't pull a poor sick woman about like that.
CLISTHENES. Tell me, who is your husband?
MNESILOCHUS. My husband? Do you know a certain individual at
Cothocidae[599]. . . ?
CLISTHENES. Whom do you mean? Give his name.
MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis an individual to whom the son of a certain individual
one day. . . .
CLISTHENES. You are drivelling! Let's see, have you ever been here
before?
MNESILOCHUS. Why certainly, every year.
CLISTHENES. Who is your tent companion? [600]
MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis a certain. . . . Oh! my god!
CLISTHENES. You don't answer.
FIFTH WOMAN. Withdraw, all of you; I am going to examine her thoroughly
about last year's mysteries. But move away, Clisthenes, for no man may
hear what is going to be said. Now answer my questions! What was done
first?
MNESILOCHUS. Let's see then. What was done first? Oh! we drank.
FIFTH WOMAN. And then?
MNESILOCHUS. We drank to our healths.
FIFTH WOMAN. You will have heard that from someone. And then?
MNESILOCHUS. Xenylla relieved herself in a cup, for there was no other
vessel.
FIFTH WOMAN. You trifle. Here, Clisthenes, here! This is the man of whom
you spoke.
CLISTHENES. What is to be done then?
FIFTH WOMAN. Take off his clothes, I can get nothing out of him.
MNESILOCHUS. What! are you going to strip a mother of nine children
naked?
CLISTHENES. Come, undo your girdle, you shameless thing.
FIFTH WOMAN. Ah! what a sturdy frame! but she has no breasts like we
have.
MNESILOCHUS. That's because I'm barren. I never had any children.
FIFTH WOMAN. Oh! indeed! just now you were the mother of nine.
CLISTHENES. Stand up straight. Hullo! what do I see there? Why, a penis
sticking out behind.
FIFTH WOMAN. There's no mistaking it; you can see it projecting, and a
fine red it is.
CLISTHENES. Where has it gone to now?
FIFTH WOMAN. To the front.
CLISTHENES. No.
FIFTH WOMAN. Ah! 'tis behind now.
CLISTHENES. Why, friend, 'tis for all the world like the Isthmus; you
keep pulling your tool backwards and forwards just as the Corinthians do
their ships. [601]
FIFTH WOMAN. Ah! the wretch! this is why he insulted us and defended
Euripides.
MNESILOCHUS.
Aye, wretch indeed, what troubles have I not got into now!
FIFTH WOMAN. What shall we do?
CLISTHENES. Watch him closely, so that he does not escape. As for me, I
go to report the matter to the magistrates, the Prytanes.
CHORUS. Let us kindle our lamps; let us go firmly to work and with
courage, let us take off our cloaks and search whether some other man has
not come here too; let us pass round the whole Pnyx,[602] examine the
tents and the passages. [603] Come, be quick, let us start off on a light
toe[604] and rummage all round in silence. Let us hasten, let us finish
our round as soon as possible. Look quickly for the traces that might
show you a man hidden here, let your glance fall on every side; look well
to the right and to the left. If we seize some impious fellow, woe to
him! He will know how we punish the outrage, the crime, the sacrilege.
The criminal will then acknowledge at last that gods exist; his fate will
teach all men that the deities must be revered, that justice must be
observed and that they must submit to the sacred laws. If not, then woe
to them! Heaven itself will punish sacrilege; being aflame with fury and
mad with frenzy, all their deeds will prove to mortals, both men and
women, that the deity punishes injustice and impiety, and that she is not
slow to strike. But I think I have now searched everywhere and that no
other man is hidden among us.
SIXTH WOMAN. Where is he flying to? Stop him! stop him! Ah! miserable
woman that I am, he has torn my child from my breast and has disappeared
with it.
MNESILOCHUS. Scream as loud as you will, but he shall never suck your
bosom more. If you do not let me go this very instant, I am going to cut
open the veins of his thighs with this cutlass and his blood shall flow
over the altar.
SIXTH WOMAN. Oh! great gods! oh! friends, help me! terrify him with your
shrieks, triumph over this monster, permit him not to rob me of my only
child.
CHORUS. Oh! oh! venerable Parcae, what fresh attack is this? 'Tis the
crowning act of audacity and shamelessness! What has he done now,
friends, what has he done?
MNESILOCHUS. Ah! this insolence passes all bounds, but I shall know how
to curb it.
CHORUS. What a shameful deed! the measure of his iniquities is full!
SIXTH WOMAN. Aye, 'tis shameful that he should have robbed me of my
child.
CHORUS. 'Tis past belief to be so criminal and so impudent!
MNESILOCHUS. Ah! you're not near the end of it yet.
SIXTH WOMAN. Little I care whence you come; you shall not return to boast
of having acted so odiously with impunity, for you shall be punished.
MNESILOCHUS. You won't do it, by the gods!
CHORUS. And what immortal would protect you for your crime?
MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis in vain you talk! I shall not let go the child.
CHORUS. By the goddesses, you will not laugh presently over your crime
and your impious speech. For with impiety, as 'tis meet, shall we reply
to your impiety. Soon fortune will turn round and overwhelm you. Come!
bring wood along. Let us burn the wretch, let us roast him as quickly as
possible.
SIXTH WOMAN. Bring faggots, Mania! (_To Mnesilochus. _) You will be mere
charcoal soon.
CHORUS. Grill away, roast me, but you, my child, take off this Cretan
robe and blame no one but your mother for your death. But what does this
mean? The little girl is nothing but a skin filled with wine and shod
with Persian slippers. [605] Oh! you wanton, you tippling woman, who think
of nothing but wine; you are a fortune to the drinking-shops and are our
ruin; for the sake of drink, you neglect both your household and your
shuttle!
SIXTH WOMAN. Faggots, Mania, plenty of them.
MNESILOCHUS. Bring as many as you like. But answer me; are you the mother
of this brat?
SIXTH WOMAN. I carried it ten months. [606]
MNESILOCHUS. You carried it?
SIXTH WOMAN. I swear it by Artemis.
MNESILOCHUS. How much does it hold? Three cotylae? [607] Tell me.
SIXTH WOMAN. Oh! what have you done? You have stripped the poor child
quite naked, and it is so small, so small.
MNESILOCHUS. So small?
SIXTH WOMAN. Yes, quite small, to be sure.
MNESILOCHUS. How old is it? Has it seen the feast of cups thrice or four
times?
SIXTH WOMAN. It was born about the time of the last Dionysia. [608] But
give it back to me.
MNESILOCHUS. No, may Apollo bear me witness.
SIXTH WOMAN. Well, then we are going to burn him.
MNESILOCHUS. Burn me, but then I shall rip this open instantly.
SIXTH WOMAN. No, no, I adjure you, don't; do anything you like to me
rather than that.
MNESILOCHUS. What a tender mother you are; but nevertheless I shall rip
it open. (_Tears open the wine-skin_. )
SIXTH WOMAN. Oh, my beloved daughter! Mania, hand me the sacred cup, that
I may at least catch the blood of my child.
MNESILOCHUS. Hold it below; 'tis the sole favour I grant you.
SIXTH WOMAN. Out upon you, you pitiless monster!
MNESILOCHUS. This robe belongs to the priestess. [609]
SIXTH WOMAN. What belongs to the priestess?
MNESILOCHUS. Here, take it. (_Throws her the Cretan robe. _)
SEVENTH WOMAN. Ah! unfortunate Mica! who has robbed you of your daughter,
your beloved child?
SIXTH WOMAN. That wretch. But as you are here, watch him well, while I go
with Clisthenes to the Prytanes and denounce him for his crimes.
MNESILOCHUS. Ah! how can I secure safety? what device can I hit on? what
can I think of? He whose fault it is, he who hurried me into this
trouble, will not come to my rescue. Let me see, whom could I best send
to him? Ha! I know a means taken from Palamedes; like him, I will write
my misfortune on some oars, which I will cast into the sea. But there are
no oars here. Where might I find some? [610] Where indeed? Bah! what if I
took these statues[611] instead of oars, wrote upon them and then threw
them towards this side and that. 'Tis the best thing to do. Besides, like
oars they are of wood. Oh! my hands, keep up your courage, for my safety
is at stake. Come, my beautiful tablets, receive the traces of my stylus
and be the messengers of my sorry fate. Oh! oh! this B looks miserable
enough! Where is it running to then? Come, off with you in all
directions, to the right and to the left; and hurry yourselves, for
there's much need indeed!
CHORUS. Let us address ourselves to the spectators to sing our praises,
despite the fact that each one says much ill of women. If the men are to
be believed, we are a plague to them; through us come all their troubles,
quarrels, disputes, sedition, griefs and wars. But if we are truly such a
pest, why marry us? Why forbid us to go out or show ourselves at the
window? You want to keep this pest, and take a thousand cares to do it.
If your wife goes out and you meet her away from the house, you fly into
a fury. Ought you not rather to rejoice and give thanks to the gods? for
if the pest has disappeared, you will no longer find it at home. If we
fall asleep at friends' houses from the fatigue of playing and sporting,
each of you comes prowling round the bed to contemplate the features of
this pest. If we seat ourselves at the window, each one wants to see the
pest, and if we withdraw through modesty, each wants all the more to see
the pest perch herself there again. It is thus clear that we are better
than you, and the proof of this is easy. Let us find out which is worse
of the two sexes. We say, "'Tis you," while you aver, 'tis we. Come, let
us compare them in detail, each individual man with a woman. Charminus is
not equal to Nausimache,[612] that's certain. Cleophon[613] is in every
respect inferior to Salabaccho. [614] 'Tis long now since any of you has
dared to contest the prize with Aristomache, the heroine of Marathon, or
with Stratonice. [615]
Among the last year's Senators, who have just yielded their office to
other citizens, is there one who equals Eubule? [616] Therefore we
maintain that men are greatly our inferiors. You see no woman who has
robbed the State of fifty talents rushing about the city in a magnificent
chariot; our greatest peculations are a measure of corn, which we steal
from our husbands, and even then we return it them the very same day. But
we could name many amongst you who do quite as much, and who are, even
more than ourselves, gluttons, parasites, cheats and kidnappers of
slaves. We know how to keep our property better than you. We still have
our cylinders, our beams,[617] our baskets and our sunshades; whereas
many among you have lost the wood of your spears as well as the iron, and
many others have cast away their bucklers on the battlefield.
There are many reproaches we have the right to bring against men. The
most serious is this, that the woman, who has given birth to a useful
citizen, whether taxiarch or strategus[618] should receive some
distinction; a place of honour should be reserved for her at the Sthenia,
the Scirophoria,[619] and the other festivals that we keep. On the other
hand, she of whom a coward was born or a worthless man, a bad
trierarch[620] or an unskilful pilot, should sit with shaven head, behind
her sister who had borne a brave man. Oh! citizens! is it just, that the
mother of Hyperbolus should sit dressed in white and with loosened
tresses beside that of Lamachus[621] and lend out money on usury? He, who
may have done a deal of this nature with her, so far from paying her
interest, should not even repay the capital, saying, "What, pay you
interest? after you have given us this delightful son? "
MNESILOCHUS. I have contracted quite a squint by looking round for him,
and yet Euripides does not come. Who is keeping him? No doubt he is
ashamed of his cold Palamedes. [622] What will attract him? Let us see! By
which of his pieces does he set most store?
