No More Learning

Why be the parents' joys turned aside by feigned tears, which they shed
copiously amid the lights of the nuptial chamber? Untrue are their groans,
by the gods I swear! This did my queen teach me by her many lamentings,
when her bridegroom set out for stern warfare. Yet thou didst not mourn the
widowhood of desolate couch, but the tearful separation from a dear
brother? How care made sad inroads in thy very marrow! In so much that
thine whole bosom being agitated, and thy senses being snatched from thee,
thy mind wandered! But in truth I have known thee great of heart ever since
thou wast a little maiden. Hast thou forgotten that noble deed, by which
thou didst gain a regal wedlock, than which none dared other deeds bolder?
Yet what grieving words didst thou speak when bidding thy bridegroom
farewell! Jupiter! as with sad hand often thine eyes thou didst dry! What
mighty god changed thee? Was it that lovers are unwilling to be long absent
from their dear one's body? Then didst thou devote me to the whole of the
gods on thy sweet consort's behalf, not without blood of bullocks, should
he be granted safe return. In no long time he added captive Asia to the
Egyptian boundaries. Wherefore for these reasons I, bestowed 'midst the
celestial host, by a new gift fulfil thine ancient promise. With grief, O
queen, did I quit thy brow, with grief: I swear to thee and to thine head;
fit ill befall whosoever shall swear lightly: but who may bear himself peer
with steel? Even that mountain was swept away, the greatest on earth, over
which Thia's illustrious progeny passed, when the Medes created a new sea,
and the barbarian youth sailed its fleet through the middle of Athos. What
can locks of hair do, when such things yield to iron? Jupiter! may the
whole race of the Chalybes perish, and whoever first questing the veins
'neath the earth harassed its hardness, breaking it through with iron. Just
before severance my sister locks were mourning my fate, when Ethiop
Memnon's brother, the winged steed, beating the air with fluttering
pennons, appeared before Locrian Arsinoe, and this one bearing me up, flies
through aethereal shadows and lays me in the chaste bosom of Venus. Him
Zephyritis herself had dispatched as her servant, a Grecian settler on the
Canopian shores. For 'twas the wish of many gods that not alone in heaven's
light should the golden coronet from Ariadne's temples stay fixed, but that
we also should gleam, the spoils devote from thy golden-yellow head; when
humid with weeping I entered the temples of the gods, the Goddess placed
me, a new star, amongst the ancient ones. For a-touching the Virgin's and
the fierce Lion's gleams, hard by Callisto of Lycaon, I turn westwards
fore-guiding the slow-moving Bootes who sinks unwillingly and late into the
vasty ocean. But although the footsteps of the gods o'erpress me in the
night-tide, and the daytime restoreth me to the white-haired Tethys, (grant
me thy grace to speak thus, O Rhamnusian virgin, for I will not hide the
truth through any fear, even if the stars revile me with ill words yet I
will unfold the pent-up feelings from truthful breast) I am not so much
rejoiced at these things as I am tortured by being for ever parted, parted
from my lady's head, with whom I (though whilst a virgin she was free from
all such cares) drank many a thousand of Syrian scents.

Now do you, whom the gladsome light of the wedding torches hath joined,
yield not your bodies to your desiring husbands nor throw aside your
vestments and bare your bosom's nipples, before your onyx cup brings me
jocund gifts, your onyx, ye who seek the dues of chaste marriage-bed. But
she who giveth herself to foul adultery, may the light-lying dust
responselessly drink her vile gifts, for I seek no offerings from folk that
do ill. But rather, O brides, may concord always be yours, and constant
love ever dwell in your homes. But when thou, O queen, whilst gazing at the
stars, shalt propitiate the goddess Venus with festal torch-lights, let not
me, thine own, be left lacking of unguent, but rather gladden me with large
gifts. Stars fall in confusion! So that I become a royal tress, Orion might
gleam in Aquarius' company.

LXVII.

O dulci iocunda viro, iocunda parenti,
Salve, teque bona Iuppiter auctet ope,
Ianua, quam Balbo dicunt servisse benigne
Olim, cum sedes ipse senex tenuit,
Quamque ferunt rursus voto servisse maligno, 5
Postquam es porrecto facta marita sene.
Dic agedum nobis, quare mutata feraris
In dominum veterem deseruisse fidem.
'Non (ita Caecilio placeam, cui tradita nunc sum)
Culpa meast, quamquam dicitur esse mea, 10
Nec peccatum a me quisquam pote dicere quicquam:
Verum istud populi fabula, Quinte, facit,
Qui, quacumque aliquid reperitur non bene factum,
Ad me omnes clamant: ianua, culpa tuast. '
Non istuc satis est uno te dicere verbo, 15
Sed facere ut quivis sentiat et videat.
'Qui possum? nemo quaerit nec scire laborat. '
Nos volumus: nobis dicere ne dubita.
'Primum igitur, virgo quod fertur tradita nobis,
Falsumst. non illam vir prior attigerit, 20
Languidior tenera cui pendens sicula beta
Numquam se mediam sustulit ad tunicam:
Sed pater illius gnati violasse cubile
Dicitur et miseram conscelerasse domum,
Sive quod inpia mens caeco flagrabat amore, 25
Seu quod iners sterili semine natus erat,
Et quaerendus is unde foret nervosius illud,
Quod posset zonam solvere virgineam. '
Egregium narras mira pietate parentem,
Qui ipse sui gnati minxerit in gremium. 30
Atqui non solum hoc se dicit cognitum habere
Brixia Cycneae supposita speculae,
Flavos quam molli percurrit flumine Mella,
Brixia Veronae mater amata meae.
'Et de Postumio et Corneli narrat amore, 35
Cum quibus illa malum fecit adulterium. '
Dixerit hic aliquis: qui tu isthaec, ianua, nosti?
Cui numquam domini limine abesse licet,
Nec populum auscultare, sed heic suffixa tigillo
Tantum operire soles aut aperire domum? 40
'Saepe illam audivi furtiva voce loquentem
Solam cum ancillis haec sua flagitia,
Nomine dicentem quos diximus, ut pote quae mi
Speraret nec linguam esse nec auriculam.
Praeterea addebat quendam, quem dicere nolo 45
Nomine, ne tollat rubra supercilia.
Longus homost, magnas quoi lites intulit olim
Falsum mendaci ventre puerperium. '

LXVII.

DIALOGUE CONCERNING CATULLUS AT A HARLOT'S DOOR.

_Quintus_.

O to the gentle spouse right dear, right dear to his parent,
Hail, and with increase fair Jupiter lend thee his aid,
Door, 'tis said wast fain kind service render to Balbus
Erst while, long as the house by her old owner was held;
Yet wast rumoured again to serve a purpose malignant, 5
After the elder was stretched, thou being oped for a bride.
Come, then, tell us the why in thee such change be reported
That to thy lord hast abjured faithfulness owed of old?

_Door_.

Never (so chance I to please Caecilius owning me now-a-days! )
Is it my own default, how so they say it be mine; 10
Nor can any declare aught sin by me was committed.
Yet it is so declared (Quintus! ) by fable of folk;
Who, whenever they find things done no better than should be,
Come to me outcrying all:--"Door, the default is thine own! "

_Quintus_.

This be never enough for thee one-worded to utter, 15
But in such way to deal, each and all sense it and see.

_Door_.

What shall I do? None asks, while nobody troubles to know.

_Quintus_.

Willing are we? unto us stay not thy saying to say.

_Door_.

First let me note that the maid to us committed (assert they)
Was but a fraud: her mate never a touch of her had, 20
* * * *
* * * *
But that a father durst dishonour the bed of his firstborn,
Folk all swear, and the house hapless with incest bewray;
Or that his impious mind was blunt with fiery passion 25
Or that his impotent son sprang from incapable seed.
And to be sought was one with nerve more nervous endowed,
Who could better avail zone of the virgin to loose.

_Quintus_.

'Sooth, of egregious sire for piety wondrous, thou tellest,
Who in the heart of his son lief was ----! 30
Yet professed herself not only this to be knowing,
Brixia-town that lies under the Cycnean cliff,
Traversed by Mella-stream's soft-flowing yellow-hued current,
Brixia, Verona's mother, I love for my home.

_Door_.

Eke of Posthumius' loves and Cornelius too there be tattle, 35
With whom dared the dame evil advowtry commit.

_Quintus_.

Here might somebody ask:--"How, Door, hast mastered such matter?
Thou that canst never avail threshold of owner to quit,
Neither canst listen to folk since here fast fixt to the side-posts
Only one office thou hast, shutting or opening the house. " 40

_Door_.

Oft have I heard our dame in furtive murmurs o'er telling,
When with her handmaids alone, these her flagitious deeds,
Citing fore-cited names for that she never could fancy
Ever a Door was endow'd either with earlet or tongue.
Further she noted a wight whose name in public to mention 45
Nill I, lest he upraise eyebrows of carroty hue;
Long is the loon and large the law-suit brought they against him
Touching a child-bed false, claim of a belly that lied.

_Catullus_.

O dear in thought to the sweet husband, dear in thought to his sire, hail!
and may Jove augment his good grace to thee, Door! which of old, men say,
didst serve Balbus benignly, whilst the oldster held his home here; and
which contrariwise, so 'tis said, didst serve with grudging service after
the old man was stretched stark, thou doing service to the bride. Come,
tell us why thou art reported to be changed and to have renounced thine
ancient faithfulness to thy lord?

_Door_.

No, (so may I please Caecilius to whom I am now made over! ) it is not my
fault, although 'tis said so to be, nor may anyone impute any crime to me;
albeit the fabling tongues of folk make it so, who, whene'er aught is found
not well done, all clamour at me: "Door, thine is the blame! "

_Catullus_.

It is not enough for thee to say this by words merely, but so to act that
everyone may feel it and see it.

_Door_.

In what way can I? No one questions or troubles to know.

_Catullus_.

We are wishful: be not doubtful to tell us.

_Door_.

First then, the virgin (so they called her! ) who was handed to us was
spurious. Her husband was not the first to touch her, he whose little
dagger, hanging more limply than the tender beet, never raised itself to
the middle of his tunic: but his father is said to have violated his son's
bed and to have polluted the unhappy house, either because his lewd mind
blazed with blind lust, or because his impotent son was sprung from sterile
seed, and therefore one greater of nerve than he was needed, who could
unloose the virgin's zone.

_Catullus_.

Thou tellest of an excellent parent marvellous in piety, who himself urined
in the womb of his son!

_Door_.

But not this alone is Brixia said to have knowledge of, placed 'neath the
Cycnean peak, through which the golden-hued Mella flows with its gentle
current, Brixia, beloved mother of my Verona. For it talks of the loves of
Postumius and of Cornelius, with whom she committed foul adultery.

_Catullus_.

Folk might say here: "How knowest thou these things, O door? thou who art
never allowed absence from thy lord's threshold, nor mayst hear the folk's
gossip, but fixed to this beam art wont only to open or to shut the house! "

_Door_.

Often have I heard her talking with hushed voice, when alone with her
handmaids, about her iniquities, quoting by name those whom we have spoken
of, for she did not expect me to be gifted with either tongue or ear.
Moreover she added a certain one whose name I'm unwilling to speak, lest he
uplift his red eyebrows. A lanky fellow, against whom some time ago was
brought a grave law-suit anent the spurious child-birth of a lying belly.

LXVIII.

Quod mihi fortuna casuque oppressus acerbo
Conscriptum hoc lacrimis mittis epistolium,
Naufragum ut eiectum spumantibus aequoris undis
Sublevem et a mortis limine restituam,
Quem neque sancta Venus molli requiescere somno 5
Desertum in lecto caelibe perpetitur,
Nec veterum dulci scriptorum carmine Musae
Oblectant, cum mens anxia pervigilat,
Id gratumst mihi, me quoniam tibi dicis amicum,
Muneraque et Musarum hinc petis et Veneris: 10
Sed tibi ne mea sint ignota incommoda, Mani,
Neu me odisse putes hospitis officium,
Accipe, quis merser fortunae fluctibus ipse,
Ne amplius a misero dona beata petas.
Tempore quo primum vestis mihi tradita purast, 15
Iocundum cum aetas florida ver ageret,
Multa satis lusi: non est dea nescia nostri,
Quae dulcem curis miscet amaritiem:
Sed totum hoc studium luctu fraterna mihi mors
Abstulit. o misero frater adempte mihi, 20
Tu mea tu moriens fregisti commoda, frater,
Tecum una totast nostra sepulta domus,
Omnia tecum una perierunt gaudia nostra,
Quae tuos in vita dulcis alebat amor.
Cuius ego interitu tota de mente fugavi 25
Haec studia atque omnis delicias animi.
Quare, quod scribis Veronae turpe Catullo
Esse, quod hic quivis de meliore nota
Frigida deserto tepefactet membra cubili,
Id, Mani, non est turpe, magis miserumst. 30
Ignosces igitur, si, quae mihi luctus ademit,
Haec tibi non tribuo munera, cum nequeo.
Nam, quod scriptorum non magnast copia apud me,
Hoc fit, quod Romae vivimus: illa domus,
Illa mihi sedes, illic mea carpitur aetas: 35
Huc una ex multis capsula me sequitur.
Quod cum ita sit, nolim statuas nos mente maligna
Id facere aut animo non satis ingenuo,
Quod tibi non utriusque petenti copia factast:
Vltro ego deferrem, copia siqua foret. 40
Non possum reticere, deae, qua me Allius in re
Iuverit aut quantis iuverit officiis:
Nec fugiens saeclis obliviscentibus aetas
Illius hoc caeca nocte tegat studium:
Sed dicam vobis, vos porro dicite multis 45
Milibus et facite haec charta loquatur anus
* * * *
Notescatque magis mortuos atque magis,
Nec tenuem texens sublimis aranea telam
In deserto Alli nomine opus faciat. 50
Nam, mihi quam dederit duplex Amathusia curam,
Scitis, et in quo me corruerit genere,
Cum tantum arderem quantum Trinacria rupes
Lymphaque in Oetaeis Malia Thermopylis,
Maesta neque adsiduo tabescere lumina fletu 55
Cessarent tristique imbre madere genae.
Qualis in aerii perlucens vertice montis
Rivos muscoso prosilit e lapide,
Qui cum de prona praeceps est valle volutus,
Per medium sensim transit iter populi, 60
Dulci viatori lasso in sudore levamen,
Cum gravis exustos aestus hiulcat agros:
Hic, velut in nigro iactatis turbine nautis
Lenius aspirans aura secunda venit
Iam prece Pollucis, iam Castoris inplorata, 65
Tale fuit nobis Manius auxilium.
Is clusum lato patefecit limite campum,
Isque domum nobis isque dedit dominam,
Ad quam communes exerceremus amores.
Quo mea se molli candida diva pede 70
Intulit et trito fulgentem in limine plantam
Innixa arguta constituit solea,
Coniugis ut quondam flagrans advenit amore
Protesilaeam Laudamia domum
Inceptam frustra, nondum cum sanguine sacro 75
Hostia caelestis pacificasset eros.
Nil mihi tam valde placeat, Rhamnusia virgo,
Quod temere invitis suscipiatur eris.
Quam ieiuna pium desideret ara cruorem,
Doctast amisso Laudamia viro, 80
Coniugis ante coacta novi dimittere collum,
Quam veniens una atque altera rursus hiemps
Noctibus in longis avidum saturasset amorem,
Posset ut abrupto vivere coniugio,
Quod scirant Parcae non longo tempore adesse, 85
Si miles muros isset ad Iliacos:
Nam tum Helenae raptu primores Argivorum
Coeperat ad sese Troia ciere viros,
Troia (nefas) commune sepulcrum Asiae Europaeque,
Troia virum et virtutum omnium acerba cinis, 90
Quaene etiam nostro letum miserabile fratri
Attulit. ei misero frater adempte mihi,
Ei misero fratri iocundum lumen ademptum,
Tecum una totast nostra sepulta domus,
Omnia tecum una perierunt gaudia nostra, 95
Quae tuos in vita dulcis alebat amor.
Quem nunc tam longe non inter nota sepulcra
Nec prope cognatos conpositum cineres,
Sed Troia obscaena, Troia infelice sepultum
Detinet extremo terra aliena solo. 100
Ad quam tum properans fertur _simul_ undique pubes
Graeca penetrales deseruisse focos,
Ne Paris abducta gavisus libera moecha
Otia pacato degeret in thalamo.
Quo tibi tum casu, pulcherrima Laudamia, 105
Ereptumst vita dulcius atque anima
Coniugium: tanto te absorbens vertice amoris
Aestus in abruptum detulerat barathrum,
Quale ferunt Grai Pheneum prope Cylleneum
Siccare emulsa pingue palude solum, 110
Quod quondam caesis montis fodisse medullis
Audit falsiparens Amphitryoniades,
Tempore quo certa Stymphalia monstra sagitta
Perculit imperio deterioris eri,
Pluribus ut caeli tereretur ianua divis, 115
Hebe nec longa virginitate foret.
Sed tuos altus amor barathro fuit altior illo,
Qui durum domitam ferre iugum docuit:
Nam nec tam carum confecto aetate parenti
Vna caput seri nata nepotis alit, 120
Qui, cum divitiis vix tandem inventus avitis
Nomen testatas intulit in tabulas,
Inpia derisi gentilis gaudia tollens
Suscitat a cano volturium capiti:
Nec tantum niveo gavisast ulla columbo 125
Conpar, quae multo dicitur inprobius
Oscula mordenti semper decerpere rostro,
Quam quae praecipue multivolast mulier.
Sed tu horum magnos vicisti sola furores,
Vt semel es flavo conciliata viro. 130
Aut nihil aut paulo cui tum concedere digna
Lux mea se nostrum contulit in gremium,
Quam circumcursans hinc illinc saepe Cupido
Fulgebat crocina candidus in tunica.
Quae tamen etsi uno non est contenta Catullo, 135
Rara verecundae furta feremus erae,
Ne nimium simus stultorum more molesti.
Saepe etiam Iuno, maxima caelicolum,
Coniugis in culpa flagrantem conquoquit iram,
Noscens omnivoli plurima furta Iovis. 140
Atquei nec divis homines conponier aequomst,
* * * *
* * * *
Ingratum tremuli tolle parentis onus.
Nec tamen illa mihi dextra deducta paterna
Fragrantem Assyrio venit odore domum,
Sed furtiva dedit muta munuscula nocte, 145
Ipsius ex ipso dempta viri gremio.
Quare illud satis est, si nobis is datur unis,
Quem lapide illa diem candidiore notat.
Hoc tibi, qua potui, confectum carmine munus
Pro multis, Alli, redditur officiis, 150
Ne vostrum scabra tangat rubigine nomen
Haec atque illa dies atque alia atque alia.
Huc addent divi quam plurima, quae Themis olim
Antiquis solitast munera ferre piis:
Sitis felices et tu simul et tua vita 155
Et domus, ipsi in qua lusimus et domina,
Et qui principio nobis te tradidit Anser,
A quo sunt primo mi omnia nata bona.
Et longe ante omnes mihi quae me carior ipsost,
Lux mea, qua viva vivere dulce mihist. 160

LXVIII.

TO MANIUS ON VARIOUS MATTERS.

When to me sore opprest by bitter chance of misfortune
This thy letter thou send'st written wi' blotting of tears,
So might I save thee flung by spuming billows of ocean,
Shipwreckt, rescuing life snatcht from the threshold of death;
Eke neither Venus the Holy to rest in slumber's refreshment 5
Grants thee her grace on couch lying deserted and lone,
Nor can the Muses avail with dulcet song of old writers
Ever delight thy mind sleepless in anxious care;
Grateful be this to my thought since thus thy friend I'm entitled,
Hence of me seekest thou gifts Muses and Venus can give: 10
But that bide not unknown to thee my sorrows (O Manius! )
And lest office of host I should be holden to hate,
Learn how in Fortune's deeps I chance myself to be drowned,
Nor fro' the poor rich boons furthermore prithee require.
What while first to myself the pure-white garment was given, 15
Whenas my flowery years flowed in fruition of spring,
Much I disported enow, nor 'bode I a stranger to Goddess
Who with our cares is lief sweetness of bitter to mix:
Yet did a brother's death pursuits like these to my sorrow
Bid for me cease: Oh, snatcht brother! from wretchedest me. 20
Then, yea, thou by thy dying hast broke my comfort, O brother;
Buried together wi' thee lieth the whole of our house;
Perisht along wi' thyself all gauds and joys of our life-tide,
Douce love fostered by thee during the term of our days.
After thy doom of death fro' mind I banished wholly 25
Studies like these, and all lending a solace to soul;
Wherefore as to thy writ:--"Verona's home for Catullus
Bringeth him shame, for there men of superior mark
Must on a deserted couch fain chafe their refrigerate limbs:"
Such be no shame (Manius! ): rather 'tis matter of ruth. 30
Pardon me, then, wilt thou an gifts bereft me by grieving
These I send not to thee since I avail not present.
For, that I own not here abundant treasure of writings
Has for its cause, in Rome dwell I; and there am I homed,
There be my seat, and there my years are gathered to harvest; 35
Out of book-cases galore here am I followed by one.
This being thus, nill I thou deem 'tis spirit malignant
Acts in such wise or mind lacking of liberal mood
That to thy prayer both gifts be not in plenty supplied:
Willingly both had I sent, had I the needed supply. 40
Nor can I (Goddesses! ) hide in what things Allius sent me
Aid, forbear to declare what was the aidance he deigned:
Neither shall fugitive Time from centuries ever oblivious
Veil in the blinds of night friendship he lavisht on me.
But will I say unto you what you shall say to the many 45
Thousands in turn, and make paper, old crone, to proclaim
* * * *
And in his death become noted the more and the more,
Nor let spider on high that weaves her delicate webbing
Practise such labours o'er Allius' obsolete name. 50
For that ye weet right well what care Amathusia two-faced
Gave me, and how she dasht every hope to the ground,
Whenas I burnt so hot as burn Trinacria's rocks or
Mallia stream that feeds Oetean Thermopylae;
Nor did these saddened eyes to be dimmed by assiduous weeping 55
Cease, and my cheeks with showers ever in sadness be wet.
E'en as from aery heights of mountain springeth a springlet
Limpidest leaping forth from rocking felted with moss,
Then having headlong rolled the prone-laid valley downpouring,
Populous region amid wendeth his gradual way, 60
Sweetest solace of all to the sweltering traveller wayworn,
Whenas the heavy heat fissures the fiery fields;
Or, as to seamen lost in night of whirlwind a-glooming
Gentle of breath there comes fairest and favouring breeze,
Pollux anon being prayed, nor less vows offered to Castor:-- 65
Such was the aidance to us Manius pleased to afford.
He to my narrow domains far wider limits laid open,
He too gave me the house, also he gave me the dame,
She upon whom both might exert them, partners in love deeds.
Thither graceful of gait pacing my goddess white-hued 70
Came and with gleaming foot on the worn sole of the threshold
Stood she and prest its slab creaking her sandals the while;
E'en so with love enflamed in olden days to her helpmate,
Laodamia the home Protesilean besought,
Sought, but in vain, for ne'er wi' sacrificial bloodshed 75
Victims appeased the Lords ruling Celestial seats:
Never may I so joy in aught (Rhamnusian Virgin! )
That I engage in deed maugre the will of the Lords.
How starved altar can crave for gore in piety poured,
Laodamia learnt taught by the loss of her man, 80
Driven perforce to loose the neck of new-wedded help-mate,
Whenas a winter had gone, nor other winter had come,
Ere in the long dark nights her greeding love was so sated
That she had power to live maugre a marriage broke off,
Which, as the Parcae knew, too soon was fated to happen 85
Should he a soldier sail bound for those Ilian walls.
For that by Helena's rape, the Champion-leaders of Argives
Unto herself to incite Troy had already begun,
Troy (ah, curst be the name) common tomb of Asia and Europe,
Troy to sad ashes that turned valour and valorous men! 90
Eke to our brother beloved, destruction ever lamented
Brought she: O Brother for aye lost unto wretchedmost me,
Oh, to thy wretchedmost brother lost the light of his life-tide,
Buried together wi' thee lieth the whole of our house:
Perisht along wi' thyself forthright all joys we enjoyed, 95
Douce joys fed by thy love during the term of our days;
Whom now art tombed so far nor 'mid familiar pavestones
Nor wi' thine ashes stored near to thy kith and thy kin,
But in that Troy obscene, that Troy of ill-omen, entombed
Holds thee, an alien earth-buried in uttermost bourne. 100
Thither in haste so hot ('tis said) from allwhere the Youth-hood
Grecian, fared in hosts forth of their hearths and their homes,
Lest with a stolen punk with fullest of pleasure should Paris
Fairly at leisure and ease sleep in the pacific bed.
Such was the hapless chance, most beautiful Laodamia, 105
Tare fro' thee dearer than life, dearer than spirit itself,
Him, that husband, whose love in so mighty a whirlpool of passion
Whelmed thee absorbed and plunged deep in its gulfy abyss,
E'en as the Grecians tell hard by Pheneus of Cyllene
Drained was the marish and dried, forming the fattest of soils, 110
Whenas in days long done to delve through marrow of mountains
Dared, falsing his sire, Amphtryoniades;
What time sure of his shafts he smote Stymphalian monsters
Slaying their host at the hest dealt by a lord of less worth,
So might the gateway of Heaven be trodden by more of the godheads, 115
Nor might Hebe abide longer to maidenhood doomed.
Yet was the depth of thy love far deeper than deepest of marish
Which the hard mistress's yoke taught him so tamely to bear;
Never was head so dear to a grandsire wasted by life-tide
Whenas one daughter alone a grandson so tardy had reared, 120
Who being found against hope to inherit riches of forbears
In the well-witnessed Will haply by name did appear,
And 'spite impious hopes of baffled claimant to kinship
Startles the Vulturine grip clutching the frost-bitten poll.
Nor with such rapture e'er joyed his mate of snowy-hued plumage 125
Dove-mate, albeit aye wont in her immoderate heat
Said be the bird to snatch hot kisses with beak ever billing,
As diddest thou:--yet is Woman multivolent still.
But thou 'vailedest alone all these to conquer in love-lowe,
When conjoined once more unto thy yellow-haired spouse. 130
Worthy of yielding to her in naught or ever so little
Came to the bosom of us she, the fair light of my life,
Round whom fluttering oft the Love-God hither and thither
Shone with a candid sheen robed in his safflower dress.
She though never she bide with one Catullus contented, 135
Yet will I bear with the rare thefts of my dame the discreet,
Lest over-irk I give which still of fools is the fashion.
Often did Juno eke Queen of the Heavenly host
Boil wi' the rabidest rage at dire default of a husband
Learning the manifold thefts of her omnivolent Jove, 140
Yet with the Gods mankind 'tis nowise righteous to liken,
* * * *
* * * *
Rid me of graceless task fit for a tremulous sire.
Yet was she never to me by hand paternal committed
Whenas she came to my house reeking Assyrian scents;
Nay, in the darkness of night her furtive favours she deigned me, 145
Self-willed taking herself from very mate's very breast.
Wherefore I hold it enough since given to us and us only
Boon of that day with Stone whiter than wont she denotes.
This to thee--all that I can--this offering couched in verses
(Allius! ) as my return give I for service galore; 150
So wi' the seabriny rust your name may never be sullied
This day and that nor yet other and other again.
Hereto add may the Gods all good gifts, which Themis erewhiles
Wont on the pious of old from her full store to bestow:
Blest be the times of the twain, thyself and she who thy life is, 155
Also the home wherein dallied we, no less the Dame,
Anser to boot who first of mortals brought us together,
Whence from beginning all good Fortunes that blest us were born.
Lastly than every else one dearer than self and far dearer,
Light of my life who alive living to me can endear. 160

That when, opprest by fortune and in grievous case, thou didst send me this
epistle o'erwrit with tears, that I might bear up shipwrecked thee tossed
by the foaming waves of the sea, and restore thee from the threshold of
death; thou whom neither sacred Venus suffers to repose in soft slumber,
desolate on a a lonely couch, nor do the Muses divert with the sweet song
of ancient poets, whilst thy anxious mind keeps vigil:--this is grateful to
me, since thou dost call me thy friend, and dost seek hither the gifts of
the Muses and of Venus. But that my troubles may not be unknown to thee, O
Manius, nor thou deem I shun the office of host, hear how I am whelmed in
the waves of that same fortune, nor further seek joyful gifts from a
wretched one. In that time when the white vestment was first handed to me,
and my florid age was passing in jocund spring, much did I sport enow: nor
was the goddess unknown to us who mixes bitter-sweet with our cares. But my
brother's death plunged all this pursuit into mourning. O brother, taken
from my unhappy self; thou by thy dying hast broken my ease, O brother; all
our house is buried with thee; with thee have perished the whole of our
joys, which thy sweet love nourished in thy lifetime. Thou lost, I have
dismissed wholly from mind these studies and every delight of mind.
Wherefore, as to what thou writest, "'Tis shameful for Catullus to be at
Verona, for there anyone of utmost note must chafe his frigid limbs on a
desolate couch;" that, Manius, is not shameful; rather 'tis a pity.
Therefore, do thou forgive, if what grief has snatched from me, these
gifts, I do not bestow on thee, because I am unable. For, that there is no
great store of writings with me arises from this, that we live at Rome:
there is my home, there is my hall, thither my time is passed; hither but
one of my book-cases follows me. As 'tis thus, I would not that thou deem
we act so from ill-will or from a mind not sufficiently ingenuous, that
ample store is not forthcoming to either of thy desires: both would I
grant, had I the wherewithal. Nor can I conceal, goddesses, in what way
Allius has aided me, or with how many good offices he has assisted me; nor
shall fleeting time with its forgetful centuries cover with night's
blindness this care of his. But I tell it to you, and do ye declare it to
many thousands, and make this paper, grown old, speak of it * * * * And let
him be more and more noted when dead, nor let the spider aloft, weaving her
thin-drawn web, carry on her work over the neglected name of Allius. For
you know what anxiety of mind wily Amathusia gave me, and in what manner
she overthrew me, when I was burning like the Trinacrian rocks, or the
Malian fount in Oetaean Thermopylae; nor did my piteous eyes cease to
dissolve with continual weeping, nor my cheeks with sad showers to be
bedewed. As the pellucid stream gushes forth from the moss-grown rock on
the aerial crest of the mountain, which when it has rolled headlong prone
down the valley, softly wends its way through the midst of the populous
parts, sweet solace to the wayfarer sweating with weariness, when the
oppressive heat cracks the burnt-up fields agape: or, as to sailors
tempest-tossed in black whirlpool, there cometh a favourable and a
gently-moving breeze, Pollux having been prayed anon, and Castor alike
implored: of such kind was Manius' help to us. He with a wider limit laid
open my closed field; he gave us a home and its mistress, on whom we both
might exercise our loves in common. Thither with gracious gait my
bright-hued goddess betook herself, and pressed her shining sole on the
worn threshold with creaking of sandal; as once came Laodamia, flaming with
love for her consort, to the home of Protesilaus,--a beginning of naught!
for not yet with sacred blood had a victim made propitiate the lords of the
heavens. May nothing please me so greatly, Rhamnusian virgin, that I should
act thus heedlessly against the will of those lords! How the thirsty altar
craves for sacrificial blood Laodamia was taught by the loss of her
husband, being compelled to abandon the neck of her new spouse when one
winter was past, before another winter had come, in whose long nights she
might so glut her greedy love, that she could have lived despite her broken
marriage-yoke, which the Parcae knew would not be long distant, if her
husband as soldier should fare to the Ilian walls.
For by Helena's rape
Troy had begun to put the Argive Chiefs in the field; Troy accurst, the
common grave of Asia and of Europe, Troy, the sad ashes of heroes and of
every noble deed, that also lamentably brought death to our brother. O
brother taken from unhappy me! O jocund light taken from thy unhappy
brother! in thy one grave lies all our house, in thy one grave have
perished all our joys, which thy sweet love did nurture during life. Whom
now is laid so far away, not amongst familiar tombs nor near the ashes of
his kindred, but obscene Troy, malign Troy, an alien earth, holds thee
entombed in its remote soil. Thither, 'tis said, hastening together from
all parts, the Grecian manhood forsook their hearths and homes, lest Paris
enjoy his abducted trollop with freedom and leisure in a peaceful bed. Such
then was thy case, loveliest Laodamia, to be bereft of husband sweeter than
life, and than soul; thou being sucked in so great a whirlpool of love, its
eddy submerged thee in its steep abyss, like (so folk say) to the Graian
gulph near Pheneus of Cyllene with its fat swamp's soil drained and dried,
which aforetime the falsely-born Amphitryoniades dared to hew through the
marrow of cleft mountains, at the time when he smote down the Stymphalian
monsters with sure shafts by the command of his inferior lord, so that the
heavenly portal might be pressed by a greater number of deities, nor Hebe
longer remain in her virginity. But deeper than that abyss was thy deep
love which taught [thy husband] to bear his lady's forceful yoke. For not
so dear to the spent age of the grandsire is the late born grandchild an
only daughter rears, who, long-wished-for, at length inherits the ancestral
wealth, his name duly set down in the attested tablets; and casting afar
the impious hopes of the baffled next-of-kin, scares away the vulture from
the whitened head; nor so much does any dove-mate rejoice in her snow-white
consort (though, 'tis averred, more shameless than most in continually
plucking kisses with nibbling beak) as thou dost, though woman is
especially inconstant. But thou alone didst surpass the great frenzies of
these, when thou wast once united to thy yellow-haired husband. Worthy to
yield to whom in naught or in little, my light brought herself to my bosom,
round whom Cupid, often running hither thither, gleamed lustrous-white in
saffron-tinted tunic. Still although she is not content with Catullus
alone, we will suffer the rare frailties of our coy lady, lest we may be
too greatly unbearable, after the manner of fools. Often even Juno,
greatest of heaven-dwellers, boiled with flaring wrath at her husband's
default, wotting the host of frailties of all-wishful Jove. Yet 'tis not
meet to match men with the gods, * * * * bear up the ungrateful burden of a
tremulous parent. Yet she was not handed to me by a father's right hand
when she came to my house fragrant with Assyrian odour, but she gave me her
stealthy favours in the mute night, withdrawing of her own will from the
bosom of her spouse. Wherefore that is enough if to us alone she gives that
day which she marks with a whiter stone. This gift to thee, all that I can,
of verse completed, is requital, Allius, for many offices, so that this day
and that, and other and other of days may not tarnish your name with
scabrous rust. Hither may the gods add gifts full many, which Themis
aforetimes was wont to bear to the pious of old. May ye be happy, both thou
and thy life's-love together, and thy home in which we have sported, and
its mistress, and Anser who in the beginning brought thee to us, from whom
all my good fortunes were first born, and lastly she whose very self is
dearer to me than all these,--my light, whom living, 'tis sweet to me to
live.

LXVIIII.

Noli admirari, quare tibi femina nulla,
Rufe, velit tenerum supposuisse femur,
Non si illam rarae labefactes munere vestis
Aut perluciduli deliciis lapidis.
Laedit te quaedam mala fabula, qua tibi fertur 5
Valle sub alarum trux habitare caper.
Hunc metuunt omnes. neque mirum: nam mala valdest
Bestia, nec quicum bella puella cubet.
Quare aut crudelem nasorum interfice pestem,
Aut admirari desine cur fugiunt. 10

LXVIIII.

TO RUFUS THE FETID.

Wonder not blatantly why no woman shall ever be willing
(Rufus! ) her tender thigh under thyself to bestow,
Not an thou tempt her full by bribes of the rarest garments,
Or by the dear delights gems the pellucidest deal.
Harms thee an ugly tale wherein of thee is recorded 5
Horrible stench of the goat under thine arm-pits be lodged.
All are in dread thereof; nor wonder this, for 'tis evil
Beastie, nor damsel fair ever thereto shall succumb.
So do thou either kill that cruel pest o' their noses,
Or at their reason of flight blatantly wondering cease. 10

Be unwilling to wonder wherefore no woman, O Rufus, is wishful to place her
tender thigh 'neath thee, not even if thou dost tempt her by the gift of a
rare robe or by the delights of a crystal-clear gem. A certain ill tale
injures thee, that thou bearest housed in the valley of thine armpits a
grim goat. Hence everyone's fear. Nor be marvel: for 'tis an exceeding ill
beast, with whom no fair girl will sleep. Wherefore, either murder that
cruel plague of their noses, or cease to marvel why they fly?

LXX.

Nulli se dicit mulier mea nubere malle
Quam mihi, non si se Iuppiter ipse petat.
Dicit: sed mulier cupido quod dicit amanti,
In vento et rapida scribere oportet aqua.

LXX.

ON WOMAN'S INCONSTANCY.

Never, my woman oft says, with any of men will she mate be,
Save wi' my own very self, ask her though Jupiter deign!
Says she: but womanly words that are spoken to desireful lover
Ought to be written on wind or upon water that runs.

No one, saith my lady, would she rather wed than myself, not even if
Jupiter's self crave her. Thus she saith! but what a woman tells an ardent
amourist ought fitly to be graven on the breezes and in running waters.

LXXI.

Siquoi iure bono sacer alarum obstitit hircus,
Aut siquem merito tarda podagra secat,
Aemulus iste tuos, qui vostrum exercet amorem,
Mirificost fato nactus utrumque malum,
Nam quotiens futuit, totiens ulciscitur ambos: 5
Illam adfligit odore, ipse perit podagra.

LXXI.

TO VERRO.

An of a goat-stink damned from armpits fusty one suffer,
Or if a crippling gout worthily any one rack,
'Tis that rival o' thine who lief in loves of you meddles,
And, by a wondrous fate, gains him the twain of such ills.
For that, oft as he ----, so oft that penance be two-fold; 5
Stifles her stench of goat, he too is kilt by his gout.

If ever anyone was deservedly cursed with an atrocious goat-stench from
armpits, or if limping gout did justly gnaw one, 'tis thy rival, who
occupies himself with your love, and who has stumbled by the marvel of fate
on both these ills. For as oft as he swives, so oft is he taken vengeance
on by both; she he prostrates by his stink, he is slain by his gout.

LXXII.

Dicebas quondam solum te nosse Catullum,
Lesbia, nec prae me velle tenere Iovem.
Dilexi tum te non tantum ut volgus amicam,
Sed pater ut gnatos diligit et generos.
Nunc te cognovi: quare etsi inpensius uror, 5
Multo mi tamen es vilior et levior.
Qui potisest? inquis. quod amantem iniuria talis
Cogit amare magis, sed bene velle minus.

LXXII.

TO LESBIA THE FALSE.

Wont thou to vaunt whilome of knowing only Catullus
(Lesbia! ) nor to prefer Jupiter's self to myself.
Then, too, I loved thee well, not as vulgar wretch his mistress
But as a father his sons loves and his sons by the law.
Now have I learnt thee aright; wherefor though burn I the hotter, 5
Lighter and viler by far thou unto me hast become.
"How can this be? " dost ask: 'tis that such injury ever
Forces the hotter to love, also the less well to will.

Once thou didst profess to know but Catullus, Lesbia, nor wouldst hold Jove
before me. I loved thee then, not only as a churl his mistress, but as a
father loves his own sons and sons-in-law. Now I do know thee: wherefore if
more strongly I burn, thou art nevertheless to me far viler and of lighter
thought. How may this be? thou askest. Because such wrongs drive a lover to
greater passion, but to less wishes of welfare.

LXXIII.

Desine de quoquam quicquam bene velle mereri
Aut aliquem fieri posse putare pium.
Omnia sunt ingrata, nihil fecisse benigne
_Prodest_, immo etiam taedet obestque magis
Vt mihi, quem nemo gravius nec acerbius urget, 5
Quam modo qui me unum atque unicum amicum habuit.

LXXIII.

OF AN INGRATE.

Cease thou of any to hope desired boon of well-willing,
Or deem any shall prove pious and true to his dues.
Waxes the world ingrate, no deed benevolent profits,
Nay full oft it irks even offending the more:
Such is my case whom none maltreats more grievously bitter, 5
Than does the man that me held one and only to friend.

Cease thou to wish to merit well from anyone in aught, or to think any can
become honourable. All are ingrate, naught benign doth avail to aught, but
rather it doth irk and prove the greater ill: so with me, whom none doth
o'erpress more heavily nor more bitterly than he who a little while ago
held me his one and only friend.

LXXIIII.

Gellius audierat patruom obiurgare solere,
Siquis delicias diceret aut faceret.
Hoc ne ipsi accideret, patrui perdepsuit ipsam
Vxorem et patruom reddidit Harpocratem.
Quod voluit fecit: nam, quamvis inrumet ipsum 5
Nunc patruom, verbum non faciet patruos.

LXXIIII.

OF GELLIUS.

Wont was Gellius hear his uncle rich in reproaches,
When any ventured aught wanton in word or in deed.
Lest to him chance such befall, his uncle's consort seduced he,
And of his uncle himself fashioned an Harpocrates.
Whatso he willed did he; and nowdays albe his uncle 5
---- he, no word ever that uncle shall speak.

Gellius had heard that his uncle was wont to be wroth, if any spake of or
practised love-sportings. That this should not happen to him, he kneaded up
his uncle's wife herself, and made of his uncle a god of silence. Whatever
he wished, he did; for now, even if he irrumate his uncle's self, not a
word will that uncle murmur.

LXXVII.

Rufe mihi frustra ac nequiquam credite amico
(Frustra? immo magno cum pretio atque malo),
Sicine subrepsti mei, atque intestina perurens
Ei misero eripuisti omnia nostra bona?
Eripuisti, heu heu nostrae crudele venenum 5
Vitae, heu heu nostrae pestis amicitiae.
Sed nunc id doleo, quod purae pura puellae
Savia conminxit spurca saliva tua.
Verum id non inpune feres: nam te omnia saecla
Noscent, et qui sis fama loquetur anus. 10

LXXVII.

TO RUFUS, THE TRAITOR FRIEND.

Rufus, trusted as friend by me, so fruitlessly, vainly,
(Vainly? nay to my bane and at a ruinous price! )
Hast thou cajoled me thus, and enfiring innermost vitals,
Ravished the whole of our good own'd by wretchedest me?
Ravished; (alas and alas! ) of our life thou cruellest cruel 5
Venom, (alas and alas! ) plague of our friendship and pest.
Yet must I now lament that lips so pure of the purest
Damsel, thy slaver foul soiled with filthiest kiss.
But ne'er hope to escape scot free; for thee shall all ages
Know, and what thing thou be, Fame, the old crone, shall declare. 10

O Rufus, credited by me as a friend, wrongly and for naught, (wrongly? nay,
at an ill and grievous price) hast thou thus stolen upon me, and a-burning
my innermost bowels, snatched from wretched me all our good? Thou hast
snatched it, alas, alas, thou cruel venom of our life! alas, alas, thou
plague of our amity. But now 'tis grief, that thy swinish slaver has soiled
the pure love-kisses of our pure girl. But in truth thou shalt not come off
with impunity; for every age shall know thee, and Fame the aged, shall
denounce what thou art.

LXXVIII.

Gallus habet fratres, quorumst lepidissima coniunx
Alterius, lepidus filius alterius.
Gallus homost bellus: nam dulces iungit amores,
Cum puero ut bello bella puella cubet.
Gallus homost stultus nec se videt esse maritum, 5
Qui patruos patrui monstret adulterium.

LXXVIII.

OF GALLUS.

Gallus hath brothers in pair, this owning most beautiful consort,
While unto that is given also a beautiful son.
Gallus is charming as man; for sweet loves ever conjoins he,
So that the charming lad sleep wi' the charmer his lass.
Gallus is foolish wight, nor self regards he as husband, 5
When being uncle how nuncle to cuckold he show.

Gallus has brothers, one of whom has a most charming spouse, the other a
charming son. Gallus is a nice fellow! for pandering to their sweet loves,
he beds together the nice lad and the nice aunt. Gallus is a foolish fellow
not to see that he is himself a husband who as an uncle shews how to
cuckold an uncle.

LXXVIIII.

Lesbius est pulcher: quid ni? quem Lesbia malit
Quam te cum tota gente, Catulle, tua.
Sed tamen hic pulcher vendat cum gente Catullum,
Si tria notorum savia reppererit.

LXXVIIII.

OF LESBIUS.

Lesbius is beauty-man: why not? when Lesbia wills him
Better, Catullus, than thee backed by the whole of thy clan.
Yet may that beauty-man sell all his clan with Catullus,
An of three noted names greeting salute he can gain.

Lesbius is handsome: why not so? when Lesbia prefers him to thee, Catullus,
and to thy whole tribe. Yet this handsome one may sell Catullus and his
tribe if from three men of note he can gain kisses of salute.

LXXX.

Quid dicam, Gelli, quare rosea ista labella
Hiberna fiant candidiora nive,
Mane domo cum exis et cum te octava quiete
E molli longo suscitat hora die?
Nescioquid certest: an vere fama susurrat 5
Grandia te medii tenta vorare viri?
Sic certest: clamant Victoris rupta miselli
Ilia, et emulso labra notata sero.

LXXX.

TO GELLIUS.

How shall I (Gellius! ) tell what way lips rosy as thine are
Come to be bleached and blanched whiter than wintry snow,
Whenas thou quittest the house a-morn, and at two after noon-tide
Roused from quiet repose, wakest for length of the day?
Certes sure am I not an Rumour rightfully whisper 5
* * * *
* * * *
* * * *

What shall I say, Gellius, wherefore those lips, erstwhile rosy-red, have
become whiter than wintery snow, thou leaving home at morn and when the
noontide hour arouses thee from soothing slumber to face the longsome day?
I know not forsure! but is Rumour gone astray with her whisper that thou
devourest the well-grown tenseness of a man's middle? So forsure it must
be! the ruptured guts of wretched Virro cry it aloud, and thy lips marked
with lately-drained [Greek: semen] publish the fact.

LXXXI.

Nemone in tanto potuit populo esse, Iuventi,
Bellus homo, quem tu diligere inciperes,
Praeterquam iste tuus moribunda a sede Pisauri
Hospes inaurata pallidior statua,
Qui tibi nunc cordist, quem tu praeponere nobis 5
Audes, et nescis quod facinus facias.

LXXXI.

TO JUVENTIUS.

Could there never be found in folk so thronging (Juventius! )
Any one charming thee whom thou couldst fancy to love,
Save and except that host from deadliest site of Pisaurum,
Wight than a statue gilt wanner and yellower-hued,
Whom to thy heart thou takest and whom thou darest before us 5
Choose? But villain what deed doest thou little canst wot!

Could there be no one in so great a crowd, Juventius, no gallant whom thou
couldst fall to admiring, beyond him, the guest of thy hearth from moribund
Pisaurum, wanner than a gilded statue? Who now is in thine heart, whom thou
darest to place above us, and knowest not what crime thou dost commit.

LXXXII.

Quinti, si tibi vis oculos debere Catullum
Aut aliud siquid carius est oculis,
Eripere ei noli, multo quod carius illi
Est oculis seu quid carius est oculis.

LXXXII.

TO QUINTIUS.

Quintius! an thou wish that Catullus should owe thee his eyes
Or aught further if aught dearer can be than his eyes,
Thou wilt not ravish from him what deems he dearer and nearer
E'en than his eyes if aught dearer there be than his eyes.

Quintius, if thou dost wish Catullus to owe his eyes to thee, or aught, if
such may be, dearer than his eyes, be unwilling to snatch from him what is
much dearer to him than his eyes, or than aught which itself may be dearer
to him than his eyes.

LXXXIII.

Lesbia mi praesente viro mala plurima dicit:
Haec illi fatuo maxima laetitiast.
Mule, nihil sentis. si nostri oblita taceret,
Sana esset: nunc quod gannit et obloquitur,
Non solum meminit, sed quae multo acrior est res 5
Iratast. Hoc est, uritur et coquitur.

LXXXIII.

OF LESBIA'S HUSBAND.

Lesbia heaps upon me foul words her mate being present;
Which to that simple soul causes the fullest delight.
Mule! naught sensest thou: did she forget us in silence,
Whole she had been; but now whatso she rails and she snarls,
Not only dwells in her thought, but worse and even more risky, 5
Wrathful she bides. Which means, she is afire and she fumes.

Lesbia in her lord's presence says the utmost ill about me: this gives the
greatest pleasure to that ninny. Ass, thou hast no sense! if through
forgetfulness she were silent about us, it would be well: now that she
snarls and scolds, not only does she remember, but what is a far bitterer
thing, she is enraged. That is, she inflames herself and ripens her
passion.

LXXXIIII.

Chommoda dicebat, si quando commoda vellet
Dicere, et insidias Arrius hinsidias,
Et tum mirifice sperabat se esse locutum,
Cum quantum poterat dixerat hinsidias.
Credo, sic mater, sic Liber avonculus eius, 5
Sic maternus avos dixerat atque avia.
Hoc misso in Syriam requierant omnibus aures:
Audibant eadem haec leniter et leviter,
Nec sibi postilla metuebant talia verba,
Cum subito adfertur nuntius horribilis, 10
Ionios fluctus, postquam illuc Arrius isset,
Iam non Ionios esse, sed Hionios.

LXXXIIII.

ON ARRIUS, A ROMAN 'ARRY.

Wont is Arrius say "Chommodious" whenas "commodious"
Means he, and "Insidious" aspirate "Hinsidious,"
What time flattering self he speaks with marvellous purity,
Clamouring "Hinsidious" loudly as ever he can.
Deem I thus did his dame and thus-wise Liber his uncle 5
Speak, and on spindle-side grandsire and grandmother too.
Restful reposed all ears when he was sent into Syria,
Hearing the self-same words softly and smoothly pronounced,
Nor any feared to hear such harshness uttered thereafter,
Whenas a sudden came message of horrible news, 10
Namely th' Ionian waves when Arrius thither had wended,
Were "Ionian" no more--they had "Hionian" become.

_Chommodious_ did Arrius say, whenever he had need to say commodious, and
for insidious _hinsidious_, and felt confident he spoke with accent
wondrous fine, when aspirating _hinsidious_ to the full of his lungs. I
understand that his mother, his uncle Liber, his maternal grand-parents all
spoke thus. He being sent into Syria, everyone's ears were rested, hearing
these words spoken smoothly and slightly, nor after that did folk fear such
words from him, when on a sudden is brought the nauseous news that th'
Ionian waves, after Arrius' arrival thither, no longer are Ionian hight,
but are now the _Hionian Hocean_.

LXXXV.