No More Learning

I abhor the slimy kiss,
Which to me most loathsome is.
Those lips please me which are placed
Close, but not too strictly laced:
Yielding I would have them; yet
Not a wimbling tongue admit:
What should poking-sticks make there,
When the ruffe is set elswhere?


881. UPON REAPE.

Reape's eyes so raw are that, it seems, the flies
Mistake the flesh, and fly-blow both his eyes;
So that an angler, for a day's expense,
May bait his hook with maggots taken thence.


882. UPON TEAGE.

Teage has told lies so long that when Teage tells
Truth, yet Teage's truths are untruths, nothing else.


884. UPON TRUGGIN.

Truggin a footman was; but now, grown lame,
Truggin now lives but to belie his name.


886. UPON SPENKE.

Spenke has a strong breath, yet short prayers saith;
Not out of want of breath, but want of faith.


888. UPON LULLS.

Lulls swears he is all heart; but you'll suppose
By his proboscis that he is all nose.


897. SURFEITS.

Bad are all surfeits; but physicians call
That surfeit took by bread the worst of all.


898. UPON NIS.

Nis he makes verses; but the lines he writes
Serve but for matter to make paper kites.


905. UPON PRICKLES. EPIG.

Prickles is waspish, and puts forth his sting
For bread, drink, butter, cheese; for everything
That Prickles buys puts Prickles out of frame;
How well his nature's fitted to his name!


945. UPON BLISSE.

Blisse, last night drunk, did kiss his mother's knee;
Where will he kiss, next drunk, conjecture ye.


946. UPON BURR.

Burr is a smell-feast, and a man alone,
That, where meat is, will be a hanger on.


947. UPON MEG.

Meg yesterday was troubled with a pose,
Which, this night harden'd, sodders up her nose.

_Pose_, rheum, cold in the head.


961. UPON RALPH.

Ralph pares his nails, his warts, his corns, and Ralph
In sev'rall tills and boxes, keeps 'em safe;
Instead of hartshorn, if he speaks the troth,
To make a lusty-jelly for his broth.


966. UPON VINEGAR.

Vinegar is no other, I define,
Than the dead corps, or carcase of the wine.


967. UPON MUDGE.

Mudge every morning to the postern comes,
His teeth all out, to rinse and wash his gums.


971. UPON LUPES.

Lupes for the outside of his suit has paid;
But for his heart, he cannot have it made;
The reason is, his credit cannot get
The inward garbage for his clothes as yet.


972. RAGS.

What are our patches, tatters, rags, and rents,
But the base dregs and lees of vestiments?


974. UPON TUBBS.

For thirty years Tubbs has been proud and poor;
'Tis now his habit, which he can't give o'er.


984. UPON SPOKES.

Spokes, when he sees a roasted pig, he swears
Nothing he loves on't but the chaps and ears:
But carve to him the fat flanks, and he shall
Rid these, and those, and part by part eat all.


988. UPON FAUNUS.

We read how Faunus, he the shepherds' god,
His wife to death whipped with a myrtle rod.
The rod, perhaps, was better'd by the name;
But had it been of birch, the death's the same.


989. THE QUINTELL.

Up with the quintell, that the rout,
May fart for joy, as well as shout:
Either's welcome, stink or civit,
If we take it, as they give it.


999. UPON PENNY.

Brown bread Tom Penny eats, and must of right,
Because his stock will not hold out for white.


1013. UPON BUGGINS.

Buggins is drunk all night, all day he sleeps;
This is the level-coil that Buggins keeps.


1027. UPON BOREMAN. EPIG.

Boreman takes toll, cheats, natters, lies; yet Boreman,
For all the devil helps, will be a poor man.


1068. UPON GORGONIUS.

Unto Pastillus rank Gorgonius came
To have a tooth twitched out of's native frame;
Drawn was his tooth, but stank so, that some say,
The barber stopped his nose, and ran away.


1079. UPON GRUBS.

Grubs loves his wife and children, while that they
Can live by love, or else grow fat by play;
But when they call or cry on Grubs for meat,
Instead of bread Grubs gives them stones to eat.
He raves, he rends, and while he thus doth tear,
His wife and children fast to death for fear.


1080. UPON DOLL.

No question but Doll's cheeks would soon roast dry,
Were they not basted by her either eye.


1081. UPON HOG.

Hog has a place i' the' kitchen, and his share,
The flimsy livers and blue gizzards are.


1087. UPON GUT.

Science puffs up, says Gut, when either pease
Make him thus swell, or windy cabbages.


1101. UPON SPUR.

Spur jingles now, and swears by no mean oaths,
He's double honour'd, since he's got gay clothes:
Most like his suit, and all commend the trim;
And thus they praise the sumpter, but not him:
As to the goddess, people did confer
Worship, and not to th' ass that carried her.


1108. UPON RUMP.

Rump is a turn-broach, yet he seldom can
Steal a swoln sop out of a dripping-pan.


1109. UPON SHOPTER.

Old Widow Shopter, whensoe'er she cries,
Lets drip a certain gravy from her eyes.


1110. UPON DEB.

If felt and heard, unseen, thou dost me please;
If seen, thou lik'st me, Deb, in none of these.


1112. UPON CROOT.

One silver spoon shines in the house of Croot;
Who cannot buy or steal a second to't.


1114. UPON FLOOD OR A THANKFUL MAN.

Flood, if he has for him and his a bit,
He says his fore and after grace for it:
If meat he wants, then grace he says to see
His hungry belly borne on legs jail-free.
Thus have, or have not, all alike is good
To this our poor yet ever patient Flood.


1115. UPON PIMP.

When Pimp's feet sweat, as they do often use,
There springs a soap-like lather in his shoes.


1116. UPON LUSK.

In Den'shire Kersey Lusk, when he was dead,
Would shrouded be and therewith buried.
When his assigns asked him the reason why,
He said, because he got his wealth thereby.


1117. FOOLISHNESS.

In's Tusc'lans, Tully doth confess,
No plague there's like to foolishness.


1118. UPON RUSH.

Rush saves his shoes in wet and snowy weather;
And fears in summer to wear out the leather;
This is strong thrift that wary Rush doth use
Summer and winter still to save his shoes.


1124. THE HAG.

The staff is now greas'd;
And very well pleas'd,
She cocks out her arse at the parting,
To an old ram goat
That rattles i' th' throat,
Half-choked with the stink of her farting.

In a dirty hair-lace
She leads on a brace
Of black boar-cats to attend her:
Who scratch at the moon,
And threaten at noon
Of night from heaven for to rend her.

A-hunting she goes,
A cracked horn she blows,
At which the hounds fall a-bounding;
While th' moon in her sphere
Peeps trembling for fear,
And night's afraid of the sounding.

_Lace_, leash.
_Boar-cat_, tom-cat.




NOTES TO APPENDIX.


64. _To him that has, etc. _ The quotation is not from the Bible, but
from Martial, v. 81:--

"Semper pauper eris, si pauper es, Aemiliane.
Dantur opes nulli nunc nisi divitibus. "

Cp. also Davison's Poet. Rhap. , i. 95. Ed. Bullen.

126. _Upon Scobble. _ Dr. Grosart quotes an Ellis Scobble [_i. e. _,
Scobell], baptised at Dean Priory in 1632, and Jeffery Scobble buried in
1654.

200. _Upon Gubbs. _ Printed in _Witts Recreations_, 1650, without
alteration. To save repetition we may give here a list of the other
Epigrams in this Appendix which are printed in _Witt's Recreations_,
reserving variations of reading for special notes:--206, _Upon Bounce_;
239, _Upon Guess_; 311, _Upon Sneap_; 357, _Long and Lazy_; 379, _Upon
Doll_; 380, _Upon Screw_; 381, _Upon Linnit_; 400, _Upon Rasp_; 410,
_Upon Skinns_; 429, _Upon Craw_; 435, _Jack and Jill_; 574, _Upon
Umber_; 639, _Upon Lungs_; 650, _Upon Cob_; 652, _Upon Skoles_; 668,
_Upon Zelot_; 705, _Upon Trigg_; 797, _Upon Bice_; 798, _Upon
Trencherman_; 834, _Upon Punchin_; 888, _Upon Lulls_; 1027, _Upon
Boreman_; 1087, _Upon Gut_; 1108, _Upon Rump_.

305. _Fearing to break the king's commandement. _ In 1608 there was
issued a proclamation containing "Orders conceived by the Lords of his
Maiestie's Privie Counsell and by his Highnesse speciall direction,
commanded to be put in execution for the restraint of killing and eating
of flesh the next Lent". This was re-issued ten years later (there is no
intermediate issue at the British Museum), and from 1619 onwards became
annual under James and Charles in the form of "A proclamation for
restraint of killing, dressing, and eating of Flesh in Lent, or on Fish
dayes, appointed by the Law, to be hereafter strictly observed by all
sorts of people".

420. _Upon Bridget_. Loss of teeth is the occasion of more than one of
Martial's epigrams.

456. _The tun of Heidelberg_: in the cellar under the castle at
Heidelberg is a great cask supposed to be able to hold 50,000 gallons.

574. _As Umber states_: "as Umber _swears_". --W. R.

639. _His breath does fly-blow_: "doth" for "does". --W. R.

652. _One blast_: "and" for "one". --W. R.

668. _Yet! see_: "ye see". --W. R.

670. _Tradescant's curious shells_: John Tradescant was a Dutchman,
born towards the close of the sixteenth century. He was appointed
gardener to Charles II. in 1629, and he and his son naturalised many
rare plants in England. Besides botanical specimens he collected all
sorts of curiosities, and opened a museum which he called "Tradescant's
Ark". In 1656, four years after his death, his son published a catalogue
of the collection under the title, "Museum Tradescantianum: or, a
collection of rarities preserved at South Lambeth, near London, by John
Tradescant". After the son's death the collection passed into the hands
of Ashmole, and became the nucleus of the present Ashmolean Museum at
Oxford.

802. _Any way for Wealth. _ A variation on Horace's theme: "Rem facias,
rem, si possis, recte, si non quocunque modo, rem". 1 Epist. i. 66.

_The Portrait of a Woman_: I subjoin here the four passages found in
manuscript versions of this poem, alluded to in the previous note. As
said before, they do not improve the poem. After l. 45, "Bearing aloft
this rich round world of wonder," we have these four lines:

In which the veins implanted seem to lie
Like loving vines hid under ivory,
So full of claret, that whoso pricks this vine
May see it spout forth streams like muscadine.

Twelve lines later, after "Riphean snow," comes a longer passage:

Or else that she in that white waxen hill
Hath seal'd the primrose of her utmost skill.
But now my muse hath spied a dark descent
From this so precious, pearly, permanent,
A milky highway that direction yields
Unto the port-mouth of the Elysian fields:
A place desired of all, but got by these
Whom love admits to the Hesperides;
Here's golden fruit, that doth exceed all price,
Growing in this love-guarded paradise;
Above the entrance there is written this:
This is the portal to the bower of bliss,
Through midst whereof a crystal stream there flows
Passing the sweet sweet of a musky rose.
With plump, soft flesh, of metal pure and fine,
Resembling shields, both pure and crystalline.
Hence rise those two ambitious hills that look
Into th' middle, sweet, sight-stealing crook,
Which for the better beautifying shrouds
Its humble self 'twixt two aspiring clouds

The third addition is four lines from the end, after "with a pearly
shell":

Richer than that fair, precious, virtuous horn
That arms the forehead of the unicorn.
The last four lines are joined on at the end of all:

Unto the idol of the work divine
I consecrate this loving life of mine,
Bowing my lips unto that stately root
Where beauty springs; and thus I kiss her foot.




INDEX OF FIRST LINES.


An old, old widow, Greedy needs would wed, 383.


Bad are all surfeits; but physicians call, 403.

Bar close as you can, and bolt fast too your door, 380.

Batt he gets children, not for love to rear 'em, 379.

Bice laughs, when no man speaks; and doth protest, 399.

Blanch swears her husband's lovely; when a scald, 376.

Blisse, last night drunk, did kiss his mother's knee, 404.

Boreman takes toll, cheats, flatters, lies! yet Boreman, 406.

Broomsted a lameness got by cold and beer, 392.

Brown bread Tom Pennie eats, and must of right, 406.

Buggins is drunk all night, all day he sleeps, 406.

Bungy does fast; looks pale; puts sackcloth on, 382.

Burr is a smell-feast, and a man alone, 404.


Center is known weak sighted, and he sells, 386.

Cob clouts his shoes, and as the story tells, 396.

Cock calls his wife his hen; when cock goes to 't, 395.

Comely acts well; and when he speaks his part, 399.

Craw cracks in sirrop; and does stinking say, 388.

Crooked you are, but that dislikes not me, 381.

Cuffe comes to church much; but he keeps his bed, 377.

Curse not the mice, no grist of thine they eat, 384.


Dunridge his issue hath; but is not styl'd, 392.

Doll, she so soon began the wanton trade, 385.


E'en all religious courses to be rich, 399.

Eeles winds and turns, and cheats and steals; yet Eeles, 386.


Feacie, some say, doth wash her clothes i' th' lie, 390.

Fie, quoth my lady, what a stink is here, 395.

First, Jolly's wife is lame; then next loose-hip'd, 378.

Flood, if he has for him and his a bit, 409.

Fone says, those mighty whiskers he does wear, 377.

For ropes of pearl, first Madam Ursly shows, 397.

For second course, last night a custard came, 378.

For thirty years Tubbs has been proud and poor, 405.

Franck ne'er wore silk she swears; but I reply, 394.

Franck would go scour her teeth; and setting to 't, 398.


Give me a reason why men call, 401.

Goes the world now, it will with thee go hard, 376.

Glasco had none, but now some teeth has got, 377.

Glass, out of deep, and out of desp'rate want, 386.

Groynes, for his fleshly burglary of late, 381.

Grubs loves his wife and children, while that they, 407.

Grudgings turns bread to stones, when to the poor, 395.

Gryll eats, but ne'er says grace: to speak the truth, 378.

Gubbs calls his children kitlings: and would bound, 380.

Guess cuts his shoes, and limping, goes about, 381.


Hanch, since he lately did inter his wife, 402.

Hog has a place i' th' kitchen, and his share, 407.

Horne sells to others teeth; but has not one, 394.

How could Luke Smeaton wear a shoe or boot, 398.

Huncks has no money, he does swear or say, 390.


I abhor the slimy kiss, 402.

I dream't this mortal part of mine, 375.

If felt and heard, unseen, thou dost me please, 408.

If thou dislik'st the piece thou light'st on first, 375.

If wounds in clothes, Cuts calls his rags, 'tis clear, 385.

I have seen many maidens to have hair, 393.

In Den'shire Kersey Lusk when he was dead, 409.

In's Tusc'lans, Tully doth confess, 409.

Is Zelot pure? he is: yet, see he wears, 397.


Jone is a wench that's painted, 396.

Joan would go tell her hairs; and well she might, 392.

Jolly and Jilly bite and scratch all day, 387.


Kissing and bussing differ both in this, 391.


Last night thou didst invite me home to eat, 388.

Letcher was carted first about the streets, 392.

Linnet plays rarely on the lute, we know, 385.

Long locks of late our zealot Peason wears, 402.

Leech boasts he has a pill, that can alone, 383.

Luggs, by the condemnation of the bench, 378.

Lulls swears he is all heart; but you'll suppose, 403.

Lungs, as some say, ne'er sets him down to eat, 396.

Lupes for the outside of his suit has paid, 405.


Maggot frequents those houses of good cheer, 391.

Mease brags of pullets which he eats; but Mease, 384.

Meg yesterday was troubled with a pose, 404.

Money thou ow'st me; prethee fix a day, 380.

Moon is a usurer, whose gain, 384.

Much-more provides and hoards up like an ant, 379.

Mudge every morning to the postern comes, 405.


Nis he makes verses; but the lines he writes, 403.

No question but Doll's cheeks would soon roast dry, 407.

Now Patrick with his footmanship has done, 387.


Of flanks and chines of beef doth Gorrell boast, 380.

Of four teeth only Bridget was possest, 387.

Of pushes Spalt has such a knotty race, 394.

Old Parson Beanes hunts six days of the week, 389.

Old Widow Prouse, to do her neighbours evil, 400.

Old Widow Shopter, whensoe'er she cries, 408.

Once on a Lord Mayor's day, in Cheapside, when, 392.

One silver spoon shines in the house of Croot, 408.


Pagget, a schoolboy, got a sword, and then, 378.

Parrat protests, 'tis he, and only he, 401.

Paske, though his debt be one upon the day, 384.

Paul's hands do give; what give they, bread or meat, 398.

Peapes, he does strut, and pick his teeth, as if, 401.

Pievish doth boast that he's the very first, 387.

Prickles is waspish, and puts forth his sting, 404.

Prigg, when he comes to houses oft doth use, 384.

Prig now drinks water, who before drank beer, 379.

Putrefaction is the end, 388.


Ralph pares his nails, his warts, his corns, and Ralph, 404.

Rasp plays at nine-holes; and 'tis known he gets, 386.

Reape's eyes so raw are that, it seems, the flies, 402.

Rook he sells feathers, yet he still doth cry, 389.

Root's had no money; yet he went o' the score, 388.

Rump is a turn-broach, yet he seldom can, 408.

Rush saves his shoes in wet and snowy weather, 409.


Science puffs up, says Gut, when either pease, 407.

Scobble for whoredom whips his wife and cries, 377.

Seal'd up with night-gum Loach, each morning lies, 400.

Shark when he goes to any public feast, 382.

Shift now has cast his clothes: got all things new, 385.

Sibb, when she saw her face how hard it was, 398.

Since Gander did his pretty youngling wed, 396.

Since Jack and Jill both wicked be, 389.

Skinns, he dined well to-day; how do you think, 386.

Skoles stinks so deadly, that his breeches loath, 396.

Skrew lives by shifts; yet swears by no small oaths, 385.

Skurf by his nine-bones swears, and well he may, 390.

Slouch he packs up, and goes to several fairs, 399.

Snare, ten i' th' hundred calls his wife; and why? 395.

Sneape has a face so brittle that it breaks, 383.

Spenke has a strong breath, yet short prayers saith, 403.

Spokes, when he sees a roasted pig, he swears, 405.

Spunge makes his boasts that he's the only man, 389.

Spur jingles now, and swears by no mean oaths, 408.

Strutt, once a foreman of a shop we knew, 378.

Sudds launders bands in piss, and starches them, 381.


Tap, better known than trusted as we hear, 401.

Teage has told lies so long that when Teage tells, 403.

That was the proverb. Let my mistress be, 383.

The eggs of pheasants wry-nosed Tooly sells, 393.

The staff is now greas'd, 410.

This lady's short, that mistress she is tall, 389.

To cleanse his eyes, Tom Brock makes much ado, 382.

To loose the button is no less, 398.

To paint the fiend, Pink would the devil see, 381.

Thou writes in prose how sweet all virgins be, 400.

Tom Blinks his nose is full of weals, and these, 401.

Tom shifts the trenchers; yet he never can, 399.

Trigg, having turn'd his suit, he struts in state, 397.

Truggin a footman was; but now, grown lame, 403.


Umber was painting of a lion fierce, 393.

Unto Pastillus rank Gorgonius came, 407.

Up with the quintell, that the rout, 406.

Urles had the gout so, that he could not stand, 394.


Vinegar is no other, I define, 405.


We read how Faunus, he the shepherds' god, 406.

Were there not a matter known, 388.

What are our patches, tatters, rags, and rents, 405.

What is the reason Coone so dully smells, 394.

What made that mirth last night, the neighbours say, 395.

When Jill complains to Jack for want of meat, 391.

When others gain much by the present cast, 385.

When Pimp's feet sweat, as they do often use, 409.

Wherever Nodes does in the summer come, 400.

Who to the north, or south, doth set, 388.

Who with thy leaves shall wipe, at need, 375.

Why walks Nick Flimsey like a malcontent! 387.

Wither'd with years, bed-rid Mamma lies, 380.

With paste of almonds, Syb her hands doth scour, 393.


Y'ave laughed enough, sweet, vary now your text, 382.

You say, you love me; that I thus must prove, 383.

You say you're young; but when your teeth are told, 390.

You say you'll kiss me, and I thank you for it, 394.




Transcriber's Endnotes


Numeration Errors in the Hesperides:

Without an obvious solution to a discrepancy the numbers remain as
originally printed, however the following alterations have been made
to ensure any details in the NOTES section apply to the relevant
poem.

Page 290. Note to 923. "924" changed to _923_.
"923. _Revenge_. Tacitus, _Hist_. iv. "

Page 295. Note to 967. "726" changed to _724_.
"967. _Upon his spaniel, Tracy. _ Cp. _supra_, 724. "

Page 297. Note to 1035. "664" changed to _662_.
". . . writing to Endymion Porter (662), and earlier . . . "

Page 298. Note to 1045. "406" changed to _405_.
". .