No More Learning

Hic futuit multas et se facit esse venustum,
Et non pistrino traditur atque asino? 10
Quem siqua attingit, non illam posse putemus
Aegroti culum lingere carnificis?

LXXXXVII.

ON AEMILIUS THE FOUL.

Never (so love me the Gods! ) deemed I 'twas preference matter
Or AEmilius' mouth choose I to smell or his ----
Nothing is this more clean, uncleaner nothing that other,
Yet I ajudge ---- cleaner and nicer to be;
For while this one lacks teeth, that one has cubit-long tushes, 5
Set in their battered gums favouring a muddy old box,
Not to say aught of gape like wide-cleft gap of a she-mule
Whenas in summer-heat wont peradventure to stale.
Yet has he many a motte and holds himself to be handsome--
Why wi' the baker's ass is he not bound to the mill? 10
Him if a damsel kiss we fain must think she be ready
With her fair lips ----

Nay (may the Gods thus love me) have I thought there to be aught of choice
whether I might smell thy mouth or thy buttocks, O Aemilius. Nothing could
the one be cleaner, nothing the other more filthy; nay in truth thy
backside is the cleaner and better,--for it is toothless. Thy mouth hath
teeth full half a yard in length, gums of a verity like to an old
waggon-box, behind which its gape is such as hath the vulva of a she-mule
cleft apart by the summer's heat, always a-staling. This object swives
girls enow, and fancies himself a handsome fellow, and is not condemned to
the mill as an ass? Whatso girl would touch thee, we think her capable of
licking the breech of a leprous hangman.

LXXXXVIII.

In te, si in quemquam, dici pote, putide Victi,
Id quod verbosis dicitur et fatuis.
Ista cum lingua, si usus veniat tibi, possis
Culos et crepidas lingere carpatinas.
Si nos omnino vis omnes perdere, Victi, 5
Hiscas: omnino quod cupis efficies.

LXXXXVIII.

TO VICTIUS THE STINKARD.

Rightly of thee may be said, an of any, (thou stinkingest Victius! )
Whatso wont we to say touching the praters and prigs.
Thou wi' that tongue o' thine own, if granted occasion availest
Brogues of the cowherds to kiss, also their ----
Wouldst thou undo us all with a thorough undoing (O Victius! ) 5
Open thy gape:--thereby all shall be wholly undone.

To thee, if to anyone, may I say, foul-mouthed Victius, that which is said
to wind bags and fatuities. For with that tongue, if need arrive, thou
couldst lick clodhoppers' shoes, clogs, and buttocks. If thou wishest to
destroy us all entirely, Victius, thou need'st but gape: thou wilt
accomplish what thou wishest entirely.

LXXXXVIIII.

Surripui tibi, dum ludis, mellite Iuventi,
Suaviolum dulci dulcius ambrosia.
Verum id non inpune tuli: namque amplius horam
Suffixum in summa me memini esse cruce,
Dum tibi me purgo nec possum fletibus ullis 5
Tantillum vostrae demere saevitiae.
Nam simul id factumst, multis diluta labella
Abstersti guttis omnibus articulis,
Ne quicquam nostro contractum ex ore maneret,
Tamquam conmictae spurca saliva lupae. 10
Praeterea infesto miserum me tradere Amori
Non cessasti omnique excruciare modo,
Vt mi ex ambrosia mutatum iam foret illud
Suaviolum tristi tristius helleboro.
Quam quoniam poenam misero proponis amori, 15
Numquam iam posthac basia surripiam.

LXXXXVIIII.

TO JUVENTIUS.

E'en as thou played'st, from thee snatched I (O honied Juventius! )
Kisslet of savour so sweet sweetest Ambrosia unknows.
Yet was the theft nowise scot-free, for more than an hour I
Clearly remember me fixt hanging from crest of the Cross,
Whatwhile I purged my sin unto thee nor with any weeping 5
Tittle of cruel despite such as be thine could I 'bate.
For that no sooner done thou washed thy liplets with many
Drops which thy fingers did wipe, using their every joint,
Lest of our mouths conjoined remain there aught by the contact
Like unto slaver foul shed by the buttered bun. 10
Further, wretchedmost me betrayed to unfriendliest Love-god
Never thou ceased'st to pain hurting with every harm,
So that my taste be turned and kisses ambrosial erstwhile
Even than hellebore-juice bitterest bitterer grow.
Seeing such pangs as these prepared for unfortunate lover, 15
After this never again kiss will I venture to snatch.

I snatched from thee, whilst thou wast sporting, O honied Juventius, a kiss
sweeter than sweet ambrosia. But I bore it off not unpunished; for more
than an hour do I remember myself hung on the summit of the cross, whilst I
purged myself [for my crime] to thee, nor could any tears in the least
remove your anger. For instantly it was done, thou didst bathe thy lips
with many drops, and didst cleanse them with every finger-joint, lest
anything remained from the conjoining of our mouths, as though it were the
obscene slaver of a fetid fricatrice. Nay, more, thou hast handed wretched
me over to despiteful Love, nor hast thou ceased to agonize me in every
way, so that for me that kiss is now changed from ambrosia to be harsher
than harsh hellebore. Since thou dost award such punishment to wretched
amourist, never more after this will I steal kisses.

C.

Caelius Aufilenum et Quintius Aufilenam
Flos Veronensum depereunt iuvenum,
Hic fratrem, ille sororem. hoc est, quod dicitur, illud
Fraternum vere dulce sodalitium.
Cui faveam potius? Caeli, tibi: nam tua nobis 5
Per facta exhibitast unica amicitia,
Cum vesana meas torreret flamma medullas.
Sis felix, Caeli, sis in amore potens.

C.

ON CAELIUS AND QUINTIUS.

Caelius Aufilenus and Quintius Aufilena,
Love to the death, both swains bloom of the youth Veronese,
This woo'd brother and that sue'd sister: so might the matter
Claim to be titled wi' sooth fairest fraternalest tie.
Whom shall I favour the first? Thee (Caelius! ) for thou hast proved 5
Singular friendship to us shown by the deeds it has done,
Whenas the flames insane had madded me, firing my marrow:
Caelius! happy be thou; ever be lusty in love.

Caelius, Aufilenus; and Quintius, Aufilena;--flower of the Veronese
youth,--love desperately: this, the brother; that, the sister. This is, as
one would say, true brotherhood and sweet friendship. To whom shall I
incline the more? Caelius, to thee; for thy single devotion to us was shewn
by its deeds, when the raging flame scorched my marrow. Be happy, O
Caelius, be potent in love.

CI.

Multas per gentes et multa per aequora vectus
Advenio has miseras, frater, ad inferias,
Vt te postremo donarem munere mortis
Et mutam nequiquam adloquerer cinerem,
Quandoquidem fortuna mihi tete abstulit ipsum, 5
Heu miser indigne frater adempte mihi.
* * * *
Nunc tamen interea haec prisco quae more parentum
Tradita sunt tristes munera ad inferias,
Accipe fraterno multum manantia fletu,
Atque in perpetuom, frater, ave atque vale. 10

CI.

ON THE BURIAL OF HIS BROTHER.

Faring thro' many a folk and plowing many a sea-plain
These sad funeral-rites (Brother! ) to deal thee I come,
So wi' the latest boons to the dead bestowed I may gift thee,
And I may vainly address ashes that answer have none,
Sithence of thee, very thee, to deprive me Fortune behested, 5
Woe for thee, Brother forlore! Cruelly severed fro' me.
* * * *
Yet in the meanwhile now what olden usage of forbears
Brings as the boons that befit mournfullest funeral rites,
Thine be these gifts which flow with tear-flood shed by thy brother,
And, for ever and aye (Brother! ) all hail and farewell. 10

Through many a folk and through many waters borne, I am come, brother, to
thy sad grave, that I may give the last gifts to the dead, and may vainly
speak to thy mute ashes, since fortune hath borne from me thyself. Ah,
hapless brother, heavily snatched from me. * * * But now these gifts, which
of yore, in manner ancestral handed down, are the sad gifts to the grave,
accept thou, drenched with a brother's tears, and for ever, brother, hail!
for ever, adieu!

CII.

Si quicquam tacito conmissumst fido ab amico,
Cuius sit penitus nota fides animi,
Meque esse invenies illorum iure sacratum,
Corneli, et factum me esse puta Harpocratem.

CII.

TO CORNELIUS.

If by confiding friend aught e'er be trusted in silence,
Unto a man whose mind known is for worthiest trust,
Me shalt thou find no less than such to secrecy oathbound,
(Cornelius! ) and now hold me an Harpocrates.

If aught be committed to secret faith from a friend to one whose inner
faith of soul is known, thou wilt find me to be of that sacred faith, O
Cornelius, and may'st deem me become an Harpocrates.

CIII.

Aut, sodes, mihi redde decem sestertia, Silo,
Deinde esto quamvis saevus et indomitus:
Aut, si te nummi delectant, desine quaeso
Leno esse atque idem saevus et indomitus.

CIII.

TO SILO.

Or, d'ye hear, refund those ten sestertia (Silo! )
Then be thou e'en at thy will surly and savage o' mood:
Or, an thou love o'er-well those moneys, prithee no longer
Prove thee a pimp and withal surly and savage o' mood.

Prithee, either return me my ten thousand sesterces, Silo; then be to thy
content surly and boorish: or, if the money allure thee, desist I pray thee
from being a pander and likewise surly and boorish.

CIIII.

Credis me potuisse meae maledicere vitae,
Ambobus mihi quae carior est oculis?
Non potui, nec si possem tam perdite amarem:
Sed tu cum Tappone omnia monstra facis.

CIIII.

CONCERNING LESBIA.

Canst thou credit that I could avail to revile my life-love,
She who be dearer to me even than either my eyes?
Ne'er could I, nor an I could, should I so losingly love her:
But with Tappo thou dost design every monstrous deed.

Dost deem me capable of speaking ill of my life, she who is dearer to me
than are both mine eyes? I could not, nor if I could, would my love be so
desperate: but thou with Tappo dost frame everything heinous.

CV.

Mentula conatur Pipleum scandere montem:
Musae furcillis praecipitem eiciunt.

CV.

ON MAMURRA.

Mentula fain would ascend Piplean mountain up-mounting:
Pitch him the Muses down headlong wi' forklets a-hurled.

Mentula presumes the Pimplean mount to scale: the Muses with their
pitchforks chuck him headlong down.

CVI.

Cum puero bello praeconem qui videt esse,
Quid credat, nisi se vendere discupere?

CVI.

THE AUCTIONEER AND THE FAIR BOY.

When with a pretty-faced boy we see one playing the Crier,
What can we wot except longs he for selling the same?

When with a comely lad a crier is seen to be, what may be thought save that
he longs to sell himself.

CVII.

Siquoi quid cupido optantique obtigit umquam
Insperanti, hoc est gratum animo proprie.
Quare hoc est gratum nobisque est carius auro,
Quod te restituis, Lesbia, mi cupido,
Restituis cupido atque insperanti ipsa refers te. 5
Nobis o lucem candidiore nota!
Quis me uno vivit felicior, aut magis hac res
Optandas vita dicere quis poterit?

CVII.

TO LESBIA RECONCILED.

An to one ever accrue any boon he lusted and longed for
Any time after despair, grateful it comes to his soul.
Thus 'tis grateful to us nor gold was ever so goodly,
When thou restorest thyself (Lesbia! ) to lovingmost me,
Self thou restorest unhoped, and after despair thou returnest. 5
Oh the fair light of a Day noted with notabler white!
Where lives a happier man than myself or--this being won me--
Who shall e'er boast that his life brought him more coveted lot?

If what one desires and covets is ever obtained unhoped for, this is
specially grateful to the soul. Wherefore is it grateful to us and far
dearer than gold, that thou com'st again, Lesbia, to longing me; com'st yet
again, long-looked for and unhoped, thou restorest thyself. O day of whiter
note for us! who lives more happily than I, sole I, or who can say what
greater thing than this could be hoped for in life?

CVIII.

Si, Comini, populi arbitrio tua cana senectus
Spurcata inpuris moribus intereat,
Non equidem dubito quin primum inimica bonorum
Lingua execta avido sit data volturio,
Effossos oculos voret atro gutture corvos, 5
Intestina canes, cetera membra lupi.

CVIII.

ON COMINIUS.

If by the verdict o' folk thy hoary old age (O Cominius! )
Filthy with fulsomest lust ever be doomed to the death,
Make I no manner of doubt but first thy tongue to the worthy
Ever a foe, cut out, ravening Vulture shall feed;
Gulp shall the Crow's black gorge those eye-balls dug from their sockets,
5
Guts of thee go to the dogs, all that remains to the wolves.

If, O Cominius, by the people's vote thy hoary age made filthy by unclean
practices shall perish, forsure I doubt not but that first thy tongue,
hostile to goodness, cut out, shall be given to the greedy vulture-brood,
thine eyes, gouged out, shall the crows gorge down with sable maw, thine
entrails [shall be flung] to the dogs, the members still remaining to the
wolf.

CVIIII.

Iocundum, mea vita, mihi proponis amorem
Hunc nostrum internos perpetuomque fore.
Di magni, facite ut vere promittere possit,
Atque id sincere dicat et ex animo,
Vt liceat nobis tota producere vita 5
Alternum hoc sanctae foedus amicitae.

CVIIII.

TO LESBIA ON HER VOW OF CONSTANCY.

Gladsome to me, O my life, this love whose offer thou deignest
Between us twain lively and lusty to last soothfast.
(Great Gods! ) grant ye the boon that prove her promises loyal,
Saying her say in truth spoken with spirit sincere;
So be it lawful for us to protract through length of our life-tide 5
Mutual pact of our love, pledges of holy good will!

My joy, my life, thou declarest to me that this love of ours shall last
ever between us. Great Gods! grant that she may promise truly, and say this
in sincerity and from her soul, and that through all our lives we may be
allowed to prolong together this bond of holy friendship.

CX.

Aufilena, bonae semper laudantur amicae:
Accipiunt pretium, quae facere instituunt.
Tu quod promisti, mihi quod mentita inimica's,
Quod nec das et fers saepe, facis facinus.
Aut facere ingenuaest, aut non promisse pudicae, 5
Aufilena, fuit: sed data corripere
Fraudando + efficit plus quom meretricis avarae,
Quae sese tota corpore prostituit.

CX.

TO AUFILENA.

Aufilena! for aye good lasses are lauded as loyal:
Price of themselves they accept when they intend to perform.
All thou promised'st me in belying proves thee unfriendly,
For never giving and oft taking is deed illy done.
Either as honest to grant, or modest as never to promise, 5
Aufilena! were fair, but at the gifties to clutch
Fraudfully, viler seems than greed of greediest harlot
Who with her every limb maketh a whore of herself.

Aufilena, honest harlots are always praised: they accept the price of what
they intend to do. Thou didst promise that to me, which, being a feigned
promise, proves thee unfriendly; not giving that, and often accepting, thou
dost wrongfully. Either to do it frankly, or not to promise from modesty,
Aufilena, was becoming thee: but to snatch the gift and bilk, proves thee
worse than the greedy strumpet who prostitutes herself with every part of
her body.

CXI.

Aufilena, viro contentam vivere solo,
Nuptarum laus e laudibus eximiis:
Sed cuivis quamvis potius succumbere par est,
Quam matrem fratres _efficere_ ex patruo.

CXI.

TO THE SAME.

Aufilena! to live content with only one husband,
Praise is and truest of praise ever bestowed upon wife.
Yet were it liefer to lie any wise with any for lover,
Than to be breeder of boys uncle as cousins begat.

Aufilena, to be content to live with single mate, in married dame is praise
of praises most excelling: but 'tis preferable to lie beneath any lover
thou mayest choose, rather than to make thyself mother to thy cousins out
of thy uncle.

CXII.

Multus homo es Naso, neque tecum multus homost qui
Descendit: Naso, multus es et pathicus.

CXII.

ON NASO.

Great th'art (Naso! ) as man, nor like thee many in greatness
Lower themselves (Naso! ): great be thou, pathic to boot.

A mighty man thou art, Naso, yet is a man not mighty who doth stoop like
thee: Naso thou art mighty--and pathic.

CXIII.

Consule Pompeio primum duo, Cinna, solebant
Mucillam: facto consule nunc iterum
Manserunt duo, sed creverunt milia in unum
Singula. fecundum semen adulterio.

CXIII.

TO CINNA.

Pompey first being chosen to Consul, twofold (O Cinna! )
Men for amours were famed: also when chosen again
Two they remained; but now is each one grown to a thousand
Gallants:--fecundate aye springeth adultery's seed.

In the first consulate of Pompey, two, Cinna, were wont to frequent
Mucilla: now again made consul, the two remain, but thousands may be added
to each unit. The seed of adultery is fecund.

CXIIII.

Firmano saltu non falso Mentula dives
Fertur, qui tot res in se habet egregias,
Aucupium, omne genus piscis, prata, arva ferasque.
Nequiquam: fructibus sumptibus exuperat.
Quare concedo sit dives, dum omnia desint. 5
Saltum laudemus, dum modo _eo_ ipse egeat.

CXIIII.

ON MAMURRA'S SQUANDERING.

For yon Firmian domain not falsely Mentula hight is
Richard, owning for self so many excellent things--
Fish, fur, feather, all kinds, with prairie, corn-land, and ferals.
All no good: for th' outgoing, income immensely exceeds.
Therefore his grounds be rich own I, while he's but a pauper. 5
Laud we thy land while thou lackest joyance thereof.

With Firmian demesne not falsely is Mentula deemed rich, who has everything
in it of such excellence, game preserves of every kind, fish, meadows,
arable land and ferals. In vain: the yield is o'ercome by the expense.
Wherefore I admit the wealth, whilst everything is wanting. We may praise
the demesne, but its owner is a needy man.

CXV.
Mentula habes instar triginta iugera prati,
Quadraginta arvi: cetera sunt maria.
Cur non divitiis Croesum superare potissit
Vno qui in saltu totmoda possideat,
Prata, arva, ingentes silvas saltusque paludesque 5
Vsque ad Hyperboreos et mare ad Oceanum?
Omnia magna haec sunt, tamen ipse's maximus ultro,
Non homo, sed vero mentula magna minax.

CXV.

OF THE SAME.

Mentula! masterest thou some thirty acres of grass-land
Full told, forty of field soil; others are sized as the sea.
Why may he not surpass in his riches any a Croesus
Who in his one domain owns such abundance of good,
Grass-lands, arable fields, vast woods and forest and marish 5
Yonder to Boreal-bounds trenching on Ocean tide?
Great are indeed all these, but thou by far be the greatest,
Never a man, but a great Mentula of menacing might.

Mentula has something like thirty acres of meadow land, forty under
cultivation: the rest are as the sea. Why might he not o'erpass Croesus in
wealth, he who in one demesne possesses so much? Meadow, arable land,
immense woods, and demesnes, and morasses, e'en to the uttermost north and
to the ocean's tide! All things great are here, yet is the owner most great
beyond all; not a man, but in truth a Mentule mighty, menacing!

CXVI.

Saepe tibi studioso animo venante requirens
Carmina uti possem mittere Battiadae,
Qui te lenirem nobis, neu conarere
Telis infestis icere mi usque caput,
Hunc video mihi nunc frustra sumptus esse laborem, 5
Gelli, nec nostras his valuisse preces.
Contra nos tela ista tua evitamus amictu:
At fixus nostris tu dabi' supplicium.

CXVI.

TO GELLIUS THE CRITIC.

Seeking often in mind with spirit eager of study
How I could send thee songs chaunted of Battiades,
So thou be softened to us, nor any attempting thou venture
Shot of thy hostile shaft piercing me high as its head,--
Now do I ken this toil with vainest purpose was taken, 5
(Gellius! ) nor herein aught have our prayers availed.
Therefore we'll parry with cloak what shafts thou shootest against us;
And by our bolts transfixt, penalty due thou shalt pay.

Oft with studious mind brought close, enquiring how I might send thee the
poems of Battiades for use, that I might soften thee towards us, nor thou
continually attempt to sting my head with troublesome barbs--this I see now
to have been trouble and labour in vain, O Gellius, nor were our prayers to
this end of any avail. Thy weapons against us we will ward off with our
cloak; but, transfixed with ours, thou shalt suffer punishment.