No More Learning

"Don't! " said Mrs. Mallowe, feebly. "You make my head ache. I'm
miserable today. Stay me with fondants, comfort me with chocolates, for
I am--Did you bring anything from Peliti's? "

"Questions to begin with. You shall have the sweets when you have
answered them. Who and what is the creature? There were at least half
a dozen men round her, and she appeared to be going to sleep in their
midst. "

"Delville," said Mrs. Mallowe, "'Shady' Delville, to distinguish her
from Mrs. Jim of that ilk. She dances as untidily as she dresses, I
believe, and her husband is somewhere in Madras. Go and call, if you are
so interested. "

"What have I to do with Shigramitish women? She merely caught my
attention for a minute, and I wondered at the attraction that a dowd
has for a certain type of man. I expected to see her walk out of her
clothes--until I looked at her eyes. "

"Hooks and eyes, surely," drawled Mrs. Mallowe.

"Don't be clever, Polly. You make my head ache. And round this hayrick
stood a crowd of men--a positive crowd! "

"Perhaps they also expected"--

"Polly, don't be Rabelaisian! "

Mrs. Mallowe curled herself up comfortably on the sofa, and turned her
attention to the sweets. She and Mrs. Hauksbee shared the same house
at Simla; and these things befell two seasons after the matter of Otis
Yeere, which has been already recorded.

Mrs. Hauksbee stepped into the veranda and looked down upon the Mall,
her forehead puckered with thought.

"Hah! " said Mrs. Hauksbee, shortly. "Indeed! "

"What is it? " said Mrs. Mallowe, sleepily.

"That dowd and The Dancing Master--to whom I object. "

"Why to The Dancing Master? He is a middle-aged gentleman, of reprobate
and romantic tendencies, and tries to be a friend of mine. "

"Then make up your mind to lose him. Dowds cling by nature, and I should
imagine that this animal--how terrible her bonnet looks from above! --is
specially clingsome. "

"She is welcome to The Dancing Master so far as I am concerned. I never
could take an interest in a monotonous liar. The frustrated aim of his
life is to persuade people that he is a bachelor. "

"0--oh! I think I've met that sort of man before. And isn't he? "

"No. He confided that to me a few days ago. Ugh! Some men ought to Be
killed. "

"What happened then? "

"He posed as the horror of horrors--a misunderstood man. Heaven knows
the femme incomprise is sad enough and had enough--but the other thing! "

"And so fat too! I should have laughed in his face. Men seldom confide
in me. How is it they come to you? "

"For the sake of impressing me with their careers in the past. Protect
me from men with confidences! "

"And yet you encourage them? "

"What can I do? They talk. I listen, and they vow that I am sympathetic.
I know I always profess astonishment even when the plot is--of the most
old possible. "

"Yes. Men are so unblushingly explicit if they are once allowed to talk,
whereas women's confidences are full of reservations and fibs, except"--

"When they go mad and babble of the Unutterabilities after a week's
acquaintance. Really, if you come to consider, we know a great deal more
of men than of our own sex. "

"And the extraordinary thing is that men will never believe it. They say
we are trying to hide something. "

"They are generally doing that on their own account. Alas! These
chocolates pall upon me, and I haven't eaten more than a dozen. I think
I shall go to sleep. "

"Then you'll get fat dear. If you took more exercise and a more
intelligent interest in your neighbors you would--"

"Be as much loved as Mrs. Hauksbee. You're a darling in many ways and I
like you--you are not a woman's woman--but why do you trouble yourself
about mere human beings? "

"Because in the absence of angels, who I am sure would be horribly dull,
men and women are the most fascinating things in the whole wide world,
lazy one. I am interested in The Dowd--I am interested in The Dancing
Master--I am interested in the Hawley Boy--and I am interested in you. "

"Why couple me with the Hawley Boy? He is your property. "

"Yes, and in his own guileless speech, I'm making a good thing out
of him. When he is slightly more reformed, and has passed his Higher
Standard, or whatever the authorities think fit to exact from him, I
shall select a pretty little girl, the Holt girl, I think, and"--here
she waved her hands airily--"'whom Mrs. Hauksbee hath joined together
let no man put asunder. ' That's all. "

"And when you have yoked May Holt with the most notorious detrimental
in Simla, and earned the undying hatred of Mamma Holt, what will you do
with me, Dispenser of the Destinies of the Universe? "

Mrs. Hauksbee dropped into a low chair in front of the fire, and, chin
in band, gazed long and steadfastly at Mrs. Mallowe.

"I do not know," she said, shaking her head, "what I shall do with you,
dear. It's obviously impossible to marry you to some one else--your
husband would object and the experiment might not be successful
after all. I think I shall begin by preventing you from--what is
it? --'sleeping on ale-house benches and snoring in the sun. '"

"Don't! I don't like your quotations. They are so rude. Go to the
Library and bring me new books. "

"While you sleep? No! If you don't come with me, I shall spread your
newest frock on my 'rickshaw-bow, and when any one asks me what I am
doing, I shall say that I am going to Phelps's to get it let out. I
shall take care that Mrs. MacNamara sees me. Put your things on, there's
a good girl. "

Mrs. Mallowe groaned and obeyed, and the two went off to the Library,
where they found Mrs. Delville and the man who went by the nickname of
The Dancing Master. By that time Mrs Mallowe was awake and eloquent.

"That is the Creature! " said Mrs Hauksbee, with the air of one pointing
out a slug in the road.

"No," said Mrs. Mallowe. "The man is the Creature. Ugh! Good-evening,
Mr. Bent. I thought you were coming to tea this evening. "

"Surely it was for tomorrow, was it not? " answered The Dancing Master.
"I understood. . . I fancied. . . I'm so sorry. . . How very unfortunate! . . . "

But Mrs. Mallowe had passed on.

"For the practiced equivocator you said he was," murmured Mrs. Hauksbee,
"he strikes me as a failure. Now wherefore should he have preferred a
walk with The Dowd to tea with us? Elective affinities, I suppose--both
grubby. Polly, I'd never forgive that woman as long as the world rolls. "

"I forgive every woman everything," said Mrs. Mallowe. "He will be a
sufficient punishment for her. What a common voice she has! "

Mrs. Delville's voice was not pretty, her carriage was even less lovely,
and her raiment was strikingly neglected. All these things Mrs. Mallowe
noticed over the top of a magazine.

"Now what is there in her? " said Mrs. Hauksbee. "Do you see what I meant
about the clothes falling off? If I were a man I would perish sooner
than be seen with that rag-bag. And yet, she has good eyes, but--oh! "

"What is it? "

"She doesn't know how to use them! On my Honor, she does not. Look! Oh
look! Untidiness I can endure, but ignorance never! The woman's a fool. "

"H'sh! She'll hear you. "

"All the women in Simla are fools. She'll think I mean some one else.
Now she's going out. What a thoroughly objectionable couple she and The
Dancing Master make! Which reminds me. Do you suppose they'll ever dance
together? "

"Wait and see. I don't envy her the conversation of The Dancing
Master--loathly man. His wife ought to be up here before long. "

"Do you know anything about him? "

"Only what he told me. It may be all a fiction. He married a girl bred
in the country, I think, and, being an honorable, chivalrous soul, told
me that he repented his bargain and sent her to her mother as often as
possible--a person who has lived in the Doon since the memory of man
and goes to Mussoorie when other people go Home. The wife is with her at
present. So he says. "

'Babies? '

"One only, but he talks of his wife in a revolting way. I hated him for
it. He thought he was being epigrammatic and brilliant. "

"That is a vice peculiar to men. I dislike him because he is generally
in the wake of some girl, disappointing the Eligibles. He will persecute
May Holt no more, unless I am much mistaken. "

"No. I think Mrs. Delville may occupy his attention for a while. "

"Do you suppose she knows that he is the head of a family? "

"Not from his lips. He swore me to eternal secrecy. Wherefore I tell
you. Don't you know that type of man? "

"Not intimately, thank goodness! As a general rule, when a man begins to
abuse his wife to me, I find that the Lord gives me wherewith to answer
him according to his folly; and we part with a coolness between us. I
laugh. "

"I'm different. I've no sense of humor. "

"Cultivate it, then.
It has been my mainstay for more years than I care
to think about. A well-educated sense of Humor will save a woman when
Religion, Training, and Home influences fail; and we may all need
salvation sometimes. "

"Do you suppose that the Delville woman has humor? "

"Her dress betrays her. How can a Thing who wears her supple'ment under
her left arm have any notion of the fitness of things--much less their
folly? If she discards The Dancing Master after having once seen him
dance, I may respect her, Otherwise--

"But are we not both assuming a great deal too much, dear? You saw
the woman at Peliti's--half an hour later you saw her walking with The
Dancing Master--an hour later you met her here at the Library. "

"Still with The Dancing Master, remember. "

"Still with The Dancing Master, I admit, but why on the strength of that
should you imagine"--

"I imagine nothing. I have no imagination. I am only convinced that The
Dancing Master is attracted to The Dowd because he is objectionable
in every way and she in every other. If I know the man as you have
described him, he holds his wife in slavery at present. "

"She is twenty years younger than he. "

"Poor wretch! And, in the end, after he has posed and swaggered and
lied--he has a mouth under that ragged moustache simply made for
lies--he will be rewarded according to his merits. "

"I wonder what those really are," said Mrs. Mallowe.

But Mrs. Hauksbee, her face close to the shelf of the new books, was
humming softly: "What shall he have who killed the Deer! " She was a lady
of unfettered speech.

One month later, she announced her intention of calling upon Mrs.
Delville. Both Mrs. Hauksbee and Mrs. Mallowe were in morning wrappers,
and there was a great peace in the land.

"I should go as I was," said Mrs. Mallowe. "It would be a delicate
compliment to her style. "

Mrs. Hauksbee studied herself in the glass.

"Assuming for a moment that she ever darkened these doors, I should put
on this robe, after all the others, to show her what a morning
wrapper ought to be. It might enliven her. As it is, I shall go in the
dove-colored--sweet emblem of youth and innocence--and shall put on my
new gloves. "

"If you really are going, dirty tan would be too good; and you know that
dove--color spots with the rain. "

"I care not. I may make her envious. At least I shall try, though one
cannot expect very much from a woman who puts a lace tucker into her
habit. "

"Just Heavens! When did she do that? "

"Yesterday--riding with The Dancing Master. I met them at the back of
Jakko, and the rain had made the lace lie down. To complete the effect,
she was wearing an unclean terai with the elastic under her chin. I felt
almost too well content to take the trouble to despise her. "

"The Hawley Boy was riding with you. What did he think? "

"Does a boy ever notice these things? Should I like him if he did?
He stared in the rudest way, and just when I thought he had seen the
elastic, he said, 'There's something very taking about that face. ' I
rebuked him on the spot. I don't approve of boys being taken by faces. "

"Other than your own. I shouldn't be in the least surprised if the
Hawley Boy immediately went to call. "

"I forbade him. Let her be satisfied with The Dancing Master, and his
wife when she comes up. I'm rather curious to see Mrs. Bent and the
Delville woman together. "

Mrs. Hauksbee departed and, at the end of an hour, returned slightly
flushed.

"There is no limit to the treachery of youth! I ordered the Hawley
Boy, as he valued my patronage, not to call. The first person I stumble
over--literally stumble over--in her poky, dark, little drawing-room
is, of course, the Hawley Boy. She kept us waiting ten minutes, and then
emerged as though he had been tipped out of the dirty-clothes
basket. You know my way, dear, when I am all put out. I was Superior,
crrrushingly Superior! 'Lifted my eyes to Heaven, and had heard
of nothing--'dropped my eyes on the carpet and 'really didn't
know'--'played with my cardcase and 'supposed so. ' The Hawley Boy
giggled like a girl, and I had to freeze him with scowls between the
sentences. "

"And she? "

"She sat in a heap on the edge of a couch, and managed to convey the
impression that she was suffering from stomach-ache, at the very least.
It was all I could do not to ask after her symptoms. When I rose she
grunted just like a buffalo in the water--too lazy to move. "

"Are you certain? "--

"Am I blind, Polly? Laziness, sheer laziness, nothing else--or her
garments were only constructed for sitting down in. I stayed for a
quarter of an hour trying to penetrate the gloom, to guess what her
surroundings were like, while she stuck out her tongue. "

"Lu--cy! "

"Well--I'll withdraw the tongue, though I'm sure if she didn't do it
when I was in the room, she did the minute I was outside. At any rate,
she lay in a lump and grunted. Ask the Hawley Boy, dear. I believe the
grunts were meant for sentences, but she spoke so indistinctly that I
can't swear to it. "

"You are incorrigible, simply. "

"I am not! Treat me civilly, give me peace with honor, don't put the
only available seat facing the window, and a child may eat jam in my
lap before Church. But I resent being grunted at. Wouldn't you? Do you
suppose that she communicates her views on life and love to The Dancing
Master in a set of modulated 'Grmphs'? "

"You attach too much importance to The Dancing Master. "

"He came as we went, and The Dowd grew almost cordial at the sight of
him. He smiled greasily, and moved about that darkened dog-kennel in a
suspiciously familiar way. "

"Don't be uncharitable. Any sin but that I'll forgive. "

"Listen to the voice of History. I am only describing what I saw. He
entered, the heap on the sofa revived slightly, and the Hawley Boy and
I came away together. He is disillusioned, but I felt it my duty to
lecture him severely for going there. And that's all. "

"Now for Pity's sake leave the wretched creature and The Dancing Master
alone. They never did you any harm. "

"No harm? To dress as an example and a stumbling-block for half Simla,
and then to find this Person who is dressed by the hand of God--not that
I wish to disparage Him for a moment, but you know the tikka-dhurzie
way He attires those lilies of the field--this Person draws the eyes of
men--and some of them nice men? It's almost enough to make one discard
clothing. I told the Hawley Boy so. "

"And what did that sweet youth do? "

"Turned shell-pink and looked across the far blue hills like a
distressed cherub. Am I talking wildly, Polly? Let me say my say, and
I shall be calm. Otherwise I may go abroad and disturb Simla with a few
original reflections. Excepting always your own sweet self, there isn't
a single woman in the land who understands me when I am--what's the
word? "

"Tete-Fele'e," suggested Mrs. Mallowe.

"Exactly! And now let us have tiffin. The demands of Society are
exhausting, and as Mrs. Delville says"--Here Mrs. Hauksbee, to the
horror of the khitmatgars, lapsed into a series of grunts, while Mrs.
Mallowe stared in lazy surprise.

"'God gie us a gude conceit of oorselves,'" said Mrs. Hauksbee, piously,
returning to her natural speech. "Now, in any other woman that would
have been vulgar. I am consumed with curiosity to see Mrs. Bent. I
expect complications. "

"Woman of one idea," said Mrs. Mallowe, shortly; "all complications are
as old as the hills! I have lived through or near all--all--ALL! "

"And yet do not understand that men and women never behave twice alike.
I am old who was young--if ever I put my head in your lap, you dear, big
sceptic, you will learn that my parting is gauze--but never, no never
have I lost my interest in men and women. Polly, I shall see this
business Out to the bitter end. "

"I am going to sleep," said Mrs. Mallowe, calmly. "I never interfere
with men or women unless I am compelled," and she retired with dignity
to her own room.

Mrs. Hauksbee's curiosity was not long left ungratified, for Mrs. Bent
came up to Simla a few days after the conversation faithfully reported
above, and pervaded the Mall by her husband's side.

"Behold! " said Mrs. Hauksbee, thoughtfully rubbing her nose. "That is
the last link of the chain, if we omit the husband of the Delville,
whoever he may be. Let me consider. The Bents and the Delvilles inhabit
the same hotel; and the Delville is detested by the Waddy--do you know
the Waddy? --who is almost as big a dowd. The Waddy also abominates the
male Bent, for which, if her other sins do not weigh too heavily, she
will eventually be caught up to Heaven. "

"Don't be irreverent," said Mrs. Mallowe. "I like Mrs. Bent's face. "

"I am discussing the Waddy," returned Mrs. Hauksbee, loftily. "The Waddy
will take the female Bent apart, after having borrowed--yes! --everything
that she can, from hairpins to babies' bottles. Such, my dear, is life
in a hotel. The Waddy will tell the female Bent facts and fictions about
The Dancing Master and The Dowd. "

"Lucy, I should like you better if you were not always looking into
people's back bedrooms. "

"Anybody can look into their front drawing-rooms; and remember whatever
I do, and whatever I look, I never talk--as the Waddy will. Let us hope
that The Dancing Master's greasy smile and manner of the pedagogue will
soften the heart of that cow, his wife. If mouths speak truth, I should
think that little Mrs. Bent could get very angry on occasion.

"But what reason has she for being angry? "

"What reason! The Dancing Master in himself is a reason. How does it go?
'If in his life some trivial errors fall, Look in his face and you'll
believe them all. ' I am prepared to credit any evil of The Dancing
Master, because I hate him so. And The Dowd is so disgustingly badly
dressed"--

"That she, too, is capable of every iniquity? I always prefer to believe
the best of everybody. It saves so much trouble. "

"Very good. I prefer to believe the worst. It saves useless expenditure
of sympathy. And you may be quite certain that the Waddy believes with
me. "

Mrs. Mallowe sighed and made no answer.

The conversation was holden after dinner while Mrs. Hauksbee was
dressing for a dance.

"I am too tired to go," pleaded Mrs. Mallowe, and Mrs. Hauksbee left
her in peace till two in the morning, when she was aware of emphatic
knocking at her door.

"Don't be very angry, dear," said Mrs. Hauksbee. "My idiot of an ayah
has gone home, and, as I hope to sleep tonight, there isn't a soul in
the place to unlace me. "

"Oh, this is too bad! " said Mrs. Mallowe sulkily.

"'Can't help it. I'm a lone, lorn grass-widow, dear, but I will not
sleep in my stays. And such news, too! Oh, do unlace me, there's a
darling! The Dowd--The Dancing Master--I and the Hawley Boy--You know
the North veranda? "

"How can I do anything if you spin round like this? " protested Mrs.
Mallowe, fumbling with the knot of the laces.

"Oh, I forget. I must tell my tale without the aid of your eyes. Do you
know you've lovely eyes, dear? Well to begin with, I took the Hawley Boy
to a kala juggah. "

"Did he want much taking? "

"Lots! There was an arrangement of loose-boxes in kanats, and she was in
the next one talking to him. "

"Which? How? Explain. "

"You know what I mean--The Dowd and The Dancing Master.