No More Learning

[501] _Thersites. _ Hom. , Il. , ii. , 212.

[502] _Asylo. _ Cf. Liv. , i. , 8.


SATIRE IX.

I should like to know, Nævolus,[503] why you so often meet me with
clouded brow forlorn, like Marsyas after his defeat. What have you to
do with such a face as Ravola had when detected with his Rhodope? [504]
We give a slave a box on the ear, if he licks the pastry. Why!
Crepereius Pollio[505] had not a more woe-begone face than yours;
he that went about ready to pay three times the ordinary interest,
and could find none fools enough to trust him. Where do so many
wrinkles come from all of a sudden? Why, surely before, contented with
little, you used to live like a gentleman's gentleman[506]--a witty
boon-companion with your biting jest, and sharp at repartees that savor
of town-life!

Now all is the reverse; your looks are dejected; your tangled hair
bristles like a thicket;[507] there is none of that sleekness over your
whole skin, such as the Bruttian plaster of hot pitch used to give you;
but your legs are neglected and rank with a shrubbery of hair. What
means this emaciated form, like that of some old invalid parched this
many a day with quartan ague and fever that has made his limbs its
home? You may detect[508] the anguish of the mind that lurks in the
sickly body--and discover its joys also. For the face, the index of
the mind, takes its complexion from each. You seem, therefore, to have
changed your course of life, and to run counter to your former habits.
For, but lately, as I well remember, you used to haunt the temple of
Isis,[509] and the statue of Ganymede in the temple of Peace,[510]
and the secret palaces of the imported mother[511] of the gods; ay,
and Ceres too (for what temple is there in which you may not find a
woman)--a more notorious adulterer even than Aufidius, and under the
rose, not confining your attentions to the wives!

"Yes: even this way of life is profitable to many. But I never made
it worth my while: we do occasionally get greasy cloaks, that serve
to save our toga, of coarse texture and indifferent dye, the clumsy
workmanship of some French weaver's lay; or a small piece of silver of
inferior metal. [512] The Fates control the destinies of men: nay, there
is fate even in those very parts which the lap of the toga conceals
from view. For if the stars are unpropitious, your manly powers,
remaining unknown, will profit you nothing, even though the liquorish
Virro has seen you stripped, and seductive billets-doux, closely
following each other, are forever assailing you: for such a fellow as
he even entices others to sin. Yet, what monster can be worse, than
one miserly as well as effeminate? "[513] "I gave you so much, then so
much, and then soon after you had more! " He reckons up and still acts
the wanton. "Let us settle our accounts! Send for the slaves with my
account-book! Reckon up five thousand sesterces in all! Then count up
your services! " Are then my duties so light, and so little against the
grain? Far less wretched will be the poor slave that digs the great
man's land! But you, forsooth, thought yourself delicate, and young,
and beautiful! fit to be a cup-bearer in heaven!

Will you ever bestow favors on a humble dependent, or be generous to
one that pays you court, when you grudge even the money you spend on
your unnatural[514] gratifications? See the fellow! to whom you are
to send a present of a green parasol and large amber[515] bowls, as
often as his birthday comes round, or rainy spring begins; or pillowed
on his cushioned sofa, he fingers presents set apart for the female
Kalends! [516]

Tell me, you sparrow, for whom it is you are keeping so many hills, so
many Apulian[517] farms, so many kites wearied in flying across your
pastures? Your Trifoline estate[518] enriches you with its fruitful
vines; and the hill that looks down[519] on Cumæ, and caverned Gaurus.
Who seals up more[520] casks of wine that will bear long keeping? How
great a matter would it be to present the loins of your client, worn
out in your service, with a few acres? Would yon rustic child, with
his mother, and her hovel,[521] and his playmate cur, more justly
become the inheritance of your cymbal-beating friend? "You are a most
importunate beggar! " he says: But _Rent_ cries out to me "Beg! " My only
slave calls on me to beg! loudly as Polyphemus[522] with his one broad
eye, by which the crafty Ulysses made his escape. I shall be compelled
to buy a second, for this one is not enough for me; both must be fed.
What shall I do in mid-winter? When the chill north wind whistles in
December,[523] what shall I say, pray, to my poor slaves' naked feet
and shoulders? "Courage,[524] my boys! and wait for the grasshoppers? "
But however you may dissemble and pass by all other matters, at how
much do you estimate it, that had I not been your devoted client your
wife would still remain a maid? At all events, you know all about those
services, how hard you begged, how much you promised! Often when your
young wife was eloping, I caught her in my embrace. She had actually
torn[525] the marriage contract, and was on the point of signing a new
one. It was with difficulty that I set this matter right by a whole
night's work, while you stood whimpering outside the door. I appeal to
the bed as my witness! nay, to yourself, who heard the noise, and the
lady's cries! In many a house, when the marriage bonds were growing
feeble and beginning to give way, and were almost severed, an adulterer
has set all matters right. However you may shift your ground, whatever
services you may reckon first or last, is it indeed no obligation,
ungrateful and perfidious man! is it none, that you have an infant son
or daughter born to you through me? For you bring them up as yours! and
plume yourself on inserting at intervals in the public registers[526]
these evidences of your virility! Hang garlands[527] on your doors!
You are now a father! I have given you what you may cast in slander's
teeth! You have a father's privileges; through me you may inherit
a legacy, yes, the whole sum[528] left to you, not to mention some
pleasant windfall! [529] Besides, many other advantages will be added to
these windfalls, if I make the number complete and add a third! "

"Your ground of complaint is just indeed, Nævolus; what does he allege
in answer? "

"He casts me off, and looks out for some other two-legged ass to serve
his turn! But remember that these secrets are intrusted to you alone;
keep them to yourself, therefore, buried in the silence of your own
breast; for one of these pumice-smoothed[530] fellows is a deadly thing
if he becomes your enemy. He that intrusted his secret to me but the
other day, now is furious, and detests me just as though I had divulged
all I know. He does not hesitate to use his dagger, to break my skull
with a bludgeon, or place a firebrand at my doors:[531] and deem it
no light or contemptible matter that to men of his wealth the price
of poison is never too costly. Therefore you must keep my secrets as
religiously as the court of Mars at Athens. "

"Oh! Corydon,[532] poor simple Corydon! Do you think aught that a
rich man does can be secret? Even though his slaves should hold their
tongues, his cattle will tell the tale; and his dogs, and door-posts,
and marble statues! Close the shutters, cover all the chinks with
tapestry, fasten the doors, remove every light from the chamber,[533]
let each one keep his counsel, let not a soul lie near. Yet what he
does at the second cock-crow,[534] the next tavern-keeper will know
before dawn of day; and will hear as well all the fabrications of his
steward, cooks, and carvers. [535] For what charge do they scruple to
concoct against their masters, as often as they revenge themselves for
their strappings[536] by the lies they forge? Nor will there be wanting
one to hunt you out against your will in the public thoroughfares,
and pour his drunken tale into your miserable ears. Therefore ask
them what you just now begged of me! They hold their tongues! Why
they would rather blaze abroad a secret than drink as much Falernian
(all the sweeter because stolen) as Saufeia[537] used to drink, when
sacrificing[538] for the people!

"One should lead an upright life for very many reasons; but especially
for this--that you may be able to despise your servants' tongues. For
bad as your slave may be, his tongue is the worst part about him.
Yet far worse still is he that places himself in the power of those
whose body and soul he keeps together with his own bread and his own
money. [539]

"Well, the advice you have just given me to enable me to laugh to
scorn my servants' tongues is very good, but too general. Now, what
do you advise in my particular case, after the loss of my time and
the disappointment of my hopes? For the short-lived bloom[540] and
contracted span of a brief and wretched life is fast fleeting away!
While we are drinking,[541] and calling for garlands, and perfumes, and
women, old age steals on us unperceived! Do not be alarmed! So long
as these seven hills stand fast you will never lack a pathic friend.
Those effeminates, who scratch their heads with one finger,[542] will
flock from all quarters to these hills, in carriages and ships. You
have still another and a better hope in store. All you have to do is
to chew eringo vigorously. " "Tell this to luckier wights! My Clotho
and Lachesis are well content, if I can earn a subsistence by my vile
labors. Oh! ye small Lares,[543] that call me master, whom I supplicate
with a fragment of frankincense, or meal, and a poor garland, when
shall I secure[544] a sum that may insure my old age against the
beggar's mat and crutch? Twenty thousand sesterces as interest, with
good security for the principal; some small vessels of silver not
enchased, but such as Fabricius,[545] if censor, would condemn; and
two sturdy Mœsian slaves,[546] who, bearing me on their shoulders,
might bid me stand without inconvenience in the noisy circus! Let me
have besides an engraver stooping[547] over his work, and another who
may with all speed paint[548] me a row of portraits. This is quite
enough--since poor I ever shall be. A poor, wretched wish indeed! and
yet I have no hope even of this! For when dame Fortune[549] is invoked
for me, she stops her ears with wax fetched from that ship which
escaped the Sirens' songs with its deaf rower. "

FOOTNOTES:

[503] _Nævolus_ is mentioned repeatedly by Martial, and seems to have
been a lawyer, i. , Ep. 98; iii. , Ep. 71 and 95; iv. , Ep. 84: hence
perhaps the allusion to Marsyas, whose statue stood in the Forum,
opposite the Rostra, as a warning to the litigious. Cf. Hor. , i. , Sat.
vi. , 120. Xen. , Anab. , I. , ii. , 8.

[504] _Rhodope. _ Some well-known courtesan named after Æsop's
fellow-slave in the house of Iadmon the Samian, afterward so well known
in Egypt. Herod. , ii. , 134. Cf. Ælian. , V. H. , xiii. , 33.

[505] _Pollio. _ Cf. xi. , 43, "digito mendicat Pollio nudo. "

[506] _Vernam equitem. _ The slaves born in the house were generally
spoiled by indulgence; and they frequently got the nickname of Equites,
out of petulant familiarity or fondness.

[507] _Sylva. _

"And every limb, once smooth'd with nicest care,
Rank with neglect, a shrubbery of hair. " Gifford.

[508] _Deprendas. _

"Sorrow nor joy can be disguised by art,
Our foreheads blab the secrets of our heart. " Dryden.

[509] _Isis. _ Cf. vi. , 489, "Aut apud Isiacæ potius sacraria lenæ. "

[510] _Pacis. _ Vespasian built the splendid temple of Peace near the
Forum, A. D. 76. Dio. , lxvi. , 15. Suet. , Vesp. 9. In it, or near it,
stood the statue of Ganymede. Others think that Ganymedes is put for
the temple of Jupiter.

[511] _Advectæ Matris_, i. e. , Cybele, called also Parens Idæa, and
Numen Idæum, because her worship was introduced into Rome from Phrygia,
A. U. C. 548, after the Sibylline books had been consulted as to the
means of averting certain prodigies. The rude and shapeless mass which
represented the goddess was lodged in the house of P. Corn. Scipio
Nasica, as the most virtuous man in Rome. Cf. Sat. iii. , 137. Liv. ,
xxix. , 10. A temple was afterward erected for her on the Palatine Hill:
hence _palatia_. _Secreta_ alludes to the abominable orgies performed
in her honor.

[512] _Venæque secundæ. _ "Silver adulterated with brass below the
standard; in short, base metal. "

[513] _Mollis avarus. _

"But oh! this wretch, this prodigy behold!
A slave at once to lechery and gold. " Dryden.

[514] _Morbo. _ Cf. Hor. , i. , Sat. vi.
, 30, "Ut si qui ægrotet quo morbo
Barrus. "

[515] _Succina. _ Cf. ad vi. , 573. The old Schol. explains this by
"Gemmata Dextrocheria. " Grangæus thinks that it means "presents of
amber," which the Roman ladies used to rub in their hands. So Badham:

"For whom the cup of amber must be found,
Oft as the birth or festal day comes round. "

[516] _Fœmineis Kalendis. _ On the 1st of March were celebrated the
Matronalia in honor of the women who put an end to the Sabine war
(bellum dirimente Sabina, vi. , 154). Cf. Ov. , Fast. , iii. , 229. On this
festival, as well as their birthdays, the Roman ladies sat up in state
to receive presents from their husbands, lovers, and acquaintances
(vid. Suet. , Vesp. , 19), in return for what they had given to the men
on the Saturnalia. Cf. Mart. , v. , Ep. lxxxiv. , 10, "Scis certè puto
vestra jam venire Saturnalia Martias Kalendas. " Hor. , iii. , Od. viii. ,
1, "Martiis cælebs quid agam Kalendis. "

[517] _Appula. _ Cf. iv. , 27. _Milvos. _

"Regions which such a tract of land embrace,
That kites are tired within the unmeasured space. " Gifford.

[518] _Trifolinus ager. _ Cf. Mart. , xiii. , Ep. 114, "Non sum de primo
fateor, Trifolina, Lyæo; inter vina tamen septima vitis ero. " Trifoline
wines were so called from being fit to drink at the third appearance of
the leaf, "quæ tertio anno ad bibendum tempestiva forent. " Plin. , xiv. ,
6. Facc. takes it from Trifolium, a mountain in Campania, perhaps near
Capua. Plin. , iv. , 6.

[519] _Suspectumque jugum. _ Either Mons Misenus (cf. Virg. , Æn. , vi. ,
234), only three miles from Cumæ, or Vesuvius, which was famous for its
wines. Mart. , iv. , Ep. 44. Virg. , Georg. , ii. , 224. Gaurus, now Monte
Barbaro, is full of volcanic caverns. It is also called "Gierro. "

[520] _Plura. _

"Though none drinks less, yet none more vessels fills! " Dryden.

[521] _Casulis. _ Cf. xi. , 153, "notos desiderat hædos. "

"Sure yonder female with the child she bred,
The dog their playmate, and their little shed,
Had with more justice been conferr'd on me,
Than on a cymbal-beating debauchee. " Gifford.

[522] _Polyphemi. _ For the loudness of his roar, vid. Virg. , Æn. , iii. ,
672. The meaning seems to be, "I am as badly off with but one slave as
Polyphemus was with only one eye: had he had _two_ Ulysses would not
have escaped him. " Badham takes it of the slave calling for food.

"My hungry rascal must at home be fed,
Or else, like Polypheme, he'll roar for bread! "

[523] _Decembri_, used here adjectively.

[524] _Durate. _ A parody on Virg. , Æn. , i. , 207, "Durate, et vosmet
rebus servate secundis. " Cf. Suet. , Cal. , 45.

"Cold! never mind! a month or two, and then
The grasshoppers, my lads, will come again! " Badham.

[525] _Ruperat. _ Cf. Tac. , Ann. , xi. , 30, "At is redderet uxorem,
rumperetque tabulas nuptiales. " There was an express clause in the
marriage contract, "liberorum procreandorum gratiâ uxorem duci. "

[526] _Libris actorum. _ Cf. Tac. , Ann. , iii. , 3. Sat. ii. , 136,
"cupient et in acta referri. " These acta were public registers, in
which parents were obliged to insert the names of their children a few
days after their birth. They contained, besides, records of marriages,
divorces, deaths, and other occurrences of the year, and were therefore
of great service to historians, who as some think employed persons to
read them up for them. (Cf. acta legenti vii. , 104. ) Servius Tullius
instituted this custom. The records were kept in the temple of Saturn.

[527] _Suspende coronas. _ This was customary on all festive occasions,
as here, on the birth of a child; at marriages (vi. , 51, "Necte coronam
postibus, et densos per limina tende corymbos"), the return of friends
(cf. xii. , 91, "Longos erexit janua ramos"), or any public rejoicing
(as x. , 65, on the death of Sejanus, "Pone domi lauros"). So, when
advocates gained a cause, their clients adorned the entrance of their
houses with palm branches. Cf. vii. , 118, "virides scalarum gloria
palmæ. " Mart. , vii. , Ep. xxviii. , 6, "excolat et geminas plurima palma
fores. "

[528] _Legatum omne. _ One of the provisions of the Lex Papia Poppæa
(introduced, at the desire of Augustus, to extend the Lex Julia de
maritandis ordinibus) was, that if a married person had no child, a
tenth, and in some cases a larger proportion, of what was bequeathed
him, should fall to the exchequer. Cf. vi. , 38. It conferred also
certain privileges and immunities on those who in Rome had three
children (hence jus trium liberorum) born in wedlock. Cf. Ruperti and
Lips. ad Tac. , Ann. , iii. , 25. Cf. Ann. , xv. , 19. Mart. , ii. , Ep. xci. ,
6; ix. , lxvii.

[529] _Caducum_, probably a legacy contingent upon the condition of
having children.

[530] _Pumice. _ Cf. viii. , 16, "tenerum attritus Catanensi pumice
lumbum. "

[531] _Valvis. _ Cf. xiii. , 145, _seq. _

[532] _Corydon. _ Cf. Virg. , Ecl. , ii. , 69, "Ah, Corydon, Corydon, quæ
te dementia cepit! " and 56, "Rusticus es, Corydon! "

[533] _Claude fenestras. _

"Bolt every door, stop every cranny tight,
Close every window, put out every light;
Let not a whisper reach the listening ear,
No noise, no motion--let no soul be near. " Gifford.

[534] _Gallicinium_ was the technical name for the second military
watch, Vid. Facc.

[535] _Carptores_, Grangæus explains by "Escuiers trenchants. " Facc. by
δαιτρός and structor.

[536] _Baltea. _

"For countless scourgings will the rogues be slack
In slanderous villainies to pay thee back? " Badham.

[537] _Saufeia_, or Laufella, is supposed to be the "conjux Fusci,"
mentioned xii. , 45, and Mart. , iii. , Ep. 72; and whose other
debaucheries are mentioned vi. , 320. Cicero, knowing the propensity of
his countrywomen to wine-bibbing, would exclude them from officiating
at any sacred rites (at which wine was always used) after nightfall.
The festival of the Bona Dea is the only exception he would make.
"Nocturna mulierum sacrificia ne sunto, præter olla quæ pro populo rite
fiant. "

[538] _Faciens_; so _operatur_, xii. , 92. Virg.