No More Learning

Sometimes they
heard church bells ringing and made detours to avoid the churchgoers. They began to
pass through straggling villages on whose outskirts pseudo-Tudor villas stood sniffishly
apart, amid their garages, their laurel shrubberies and their raw-looking lawns. And
Gordon had some fun railing against the villas and the godless civilization of which they
were part — a civilization of stockbrokers and their lip-sticked wives, of golf, whisky,
ouija-boards, and Aberdeen terriers called Jock. So they walked another four miles or so,
talking and frequently quarrelling. A few gauzy clouds were drifting across the sky, but
there was hardly a breath of wind.

They were growing rather footsore and more and more hungry. Of its own accord the
conversation began to turn upon food. Neither of them had a watch, but when they passed
through a village they saw that the pubs were open, so that it must be after twelve
o’clock. They hesitated outside a rather low-looking pub called the Bird in Hand. Gordon
was for going in; privately he reflected that in a pub like that your bread and cheese and
beer would cost you a bob at the very most. But Rosemary said that it was a nasty-
looking place, which indeed it was, and they went on, hoping to find a pleasanter pub at
the other end of the village. They had visions of a cosy bar-parlour, with an oak settle and
perhaps a stuffed pike in a glass case on the wall.



But there were no more pubs in the village, and presently they were in open country
again, with no houses in sight and not even any signposts. Gordon and Rosemary began
to be alarmed. At two the pubs would shut, and then there would be no food to be had,
except perhaps a packet of biscuits from some village sweetshop. At this thought a
ravening hunger took possession of them. They toiled exhaustedly up an enonnous hill,
hoping to find a village on the other side. There was no village, but far below a dark
green river wound, with what seemed quite like a large town scattered along its edge and
a grey bridge crossing it. They did not even know what river it was — it was the Thames,
of course.

‘Thank God! ’ said Gordon. ‘There must be plenty of pubs down there. We’d better take
the first one we can find. ’

‘Yes, do let’s. I’m starving. ’

But when they neared the town it seemed strangely quiet. Gordon wondered whether the
people were all at church or eating their Sunday dinners, until he realized that the place
was quite deserted. It was Crickham-on-Thames, one of those riverside towns which live
for the boating season and go into hibernation for the rest of the year. It straggled along
the bank for a mile or more, and it consisted entirely of boat-houses and bungalows, all of
them shut up and empty. There were no signs of life anywhere. At last, however, they
came upon a fat, aloof, red-nosed man, with a ragged moustache, sitting on a camp-stool
beside a jar of beer on the towpath. He was fishing with a twenty-foot roach pole, while
on the smooth green water two swans circled about his float, trying to steal his bait as
often as he pulled it up.

‘Can you tell us where we can get something to eat? ’ said Gordon.

The fat man seemed to have been expecting this question and to derive a sort of private
pleasure from it. He answered without looking at Gordon.

‘YOU won’t get nothing to eat. Not here you won’t,’ he said.


‘But dash it! Do you mean to say there isn’t a pub in the whole place? We’ve walked all
the way from Famham Common. ’



The fat man sniffed and seemed to reflect, still keeping his eye on the float. ‘I dessay you
might try the Ravenscroft Hotel,’ he said. ‘About half a mile along, that is. I dessay
they’d give you something; that is, they would if they was open. ’

‘But ARE they open? ’

‘They might be and they might not,’ said the fat man comfortably.

‘And can you tell us what time it is? ’ said Rosemary.

‘It’s jest gone ten parse one. ’

The two swans followed Gordon and Rosemary a little way along the towpath, evidently
expecting to be fed. There did not seem much hope that the Ravenscroft Hotel would be
open. The whole place had that desolate flyblown air of pleasure resorts in the off-season.
The woodwork of the bungalows was cracking, the white paint was peeling off, the dusty
windows showed bare interiors. Even the slot machines that were dotted along the bank
were out of order. There seemed to be another bridge at the other end of the town.
Gordon swore heartily.

‘What bloody fools we were not to go in that pub when we had the chance! ’

‘Oh, dear! I’m simply STARVING. Had we better turn back, do you think? ’

‘It’s no use, there were no pubs the way we came. We must keep on. I suppose the
Ravenscroft Hotel’s on the other side of that bridge. If that’s a main road there’s just a
chance it’ll be open. Otherwise we’re su nk . ’

They dragged their way as far as the bridge. They were thoroughly footsore now. But
behold! here at last was what they wanted, for just beyond the bridge, down a sort of
private road, stood a biggish, smartish hotel, its back lawns running down to the river. It
was obviously open. Gordon and Rosemary started eagerly towards it, and then paused,
daunted.


‘It looks frightfully expensive,’ said Rosemary.



It did look expensive. It was a vulgar pretentious place, all gilt and white paint — one of
those hotels which have overcharging and bad service written on every brick. Beside the
drive, commanding the road, a snobbish board announced in gilt lettering:

THE RAVENSCROFT HOTEL

OPEN TO NON-RESIDENTS

LUNCHEONS-TEAS-DINNERS

DANCE HALL AND TENNIS COURTS

PARTIES CATERED FOR

Two gleaming two-seater cars were parked in the drive. Gordon quailed. The money in
his pocket seemed to shrink to nothing, this was the very opposite to the cosy pub they
had been looking for. But he was very hungry. Rosemary tweaked at his ann.

‘It looks a beastly place. I vote we go on. ’

‘But we’ve got to get some food. It’s our last chance. We shan’t find another pub. ’

‘The food’s always so disgusting in these places. Beastly cold beef that tastes as if it had
been saved up from last year. And they charge you the earth for it. ’

‘Oh, well, we’ll just order bread and cheese and beer. It always costs about the same. ’

‘But they hate you doing that. They’ll try to bully us into having a proper lunch, you’ll
see. We must be firm and just say bread and cheese. ’

‘All right, we’ll be firm. Come on. ’

They went in, resolved to be firm. But there was an expensive smell in the draughty
hallway — a smell of chintz, dead flowers, Thames water, and the rinsings of wine bottles.
It was the characteristic smell of a riverside hotel. Gordon’s heart sank lower. He knew
the type of place this was. It was one of those desolate hotels which exist all along the
motor roads and are frequented by stockbrokers airing their whores on Sunday



afternoons. In such places you are insulted and overcharged almost as a matter of course.
Rosemary shrank nearer to him. She too was intimidated. They saw a door marked
‘Saloon’ and pushed it open, thinking it must be the bar. It was not a bar, however, but a
large, smart, chilly room with corduroy-upholstered chairs and settees. You could have
mistaken it for an ordinary drawing-room except that all the ashtrays advertised White
Horse whisky. And round one of the tables the people from the cars outside — two blond,
flat-headed, fattish men, over-youthfully dressed, and two disagreeable elegant young
women — were sitting, having evidently just finished lunch. A waiter, bending over their
table, was serving them with liqueurs.

Gordon and Rosemary had halted in the doorway. The people at the table were already
eyeing them with offensive upper-middle-class eyes. Gordon and Rosemary looked tired
and dirty, and they knew it. The notion of ordering bread and cheese and beer had almost
vanished from their minds. In such a place as this you couldn’t possibly say ‘Bread and
cheese and beer’; ‘Lunch’ was the only thing you could say. There was nothing for it but
‘Lunch’ or flight. The waiter was almost openly contemptuous. He had summed them up
at a glance as having no money; but also he had divined that it was in their minds to fly
and was determined to stop them before they could escape.

‘Sare? ’ he demanded, lifting his tray off the table.

Now for it! Say ‘Bread and cheese and beer’, and damn the consequences! Alas! his
courage was gone. ‘Lunch’ it would have to be. With a seeming-careless gesture he thrust
his hand into his pocket. He was feeling his money to make sure that it was still there.
Seven and elevenpence left, he knew. The waiter’s eye followed the movement; Gordon
had a hateful feeling that the man could actually see through the cloth and count the
money in his pocket. In a tone as lordly as he could make it, he remarked:

‘Can we have some lunch, please? ’

‘Luncheon, sare? Yes, sare. Zees way. ’

The waiter was a black-haired young man with a very smooth, well-featured, sallow face.
His dress clothes were excellently cut and yet unclean-looking, as though he seldom took
them off. He looked like a Russian prince; probably he was an Englishman and had



assumed a foreign accent because this was proper in a waiter. Defeated, Rosemary and
Gordon followed him to the dining-room, which was at the back, giving on to the lawn. It
was exactly like an aquarium. It was built entirely of greenish glass, and it was so damp
and chilly that you could almost have fancied yourself under water. You could both see
and smell the river outside. In the middle of each of the small round tables there was a
bowl of paper flowers, but at one side, to complete the aquarium effect, there was a
whole florist’s stand of evergreens, palms, and aspidistras and so forth, like dreary water-
plants. In summer such a room might be pleasant enough; at present, when the sun had
gone behind a cloud, it was merely dank and miserable. Rosemary was almost as much
afraid of the waiter as Gordon was. As they sat down and he turned away for a moment
she made a face at his back.

‘I’m going to pay for my own lunch,’ she whispered to Gordon, across the table.

‘No, you’re not. ’

‘What a horrible place! The food’s sure to be filthy. I do wish we hadn’t come. ’

‘Sh! ’

The waiter had come back with a flyblown printed menu. He handed it to Gordon and
stood over him with the menacing air of a waiter who knows that you have not much
money in your pocket. Gordon’s heart pounded. If it was a table d’hote lunch at three and
sixpence or even half a crown, they were sunk. He set his teeth and looked at the menu.
Thank God! It was a la carte. The cheapest thing on the list was cold beef and salad for
one and sixpence. He said, or rather mumbled:

‘We’ll have some cold beef, please. ’

The waiter’s delicate eyebrows lifted. He feigned surprise.

‘ONLY ze cold beef, sare? ’

‘Yes that’ll do to go on with, anyway. ’


‘But you will not have ANYSING else, sare? ’



‘Oh, well. Bring us some bread, of course. And butter. ’


‘But no soup to start wiz, sare? ’

‘No. No soup. ’

‘Nor any fish, sare? Only ze cold beef? ’

‘Do we want any fish, Rosemary? I don’t think we do. No. No fish. ’

‘Nor any sweet to follow, sare? ONLY ze cold beef? ’

Gordon had difficulty in controlling his features. He thought he had never hated anyone
so much as he hated this waiter.

‘We’ll tell you afterwards if we want anything else,’ he said.

‘And you will drink sare? ’

Gordon had meant to ask for beer, but he hadn’t the courage now. He had got to win back
his prestige after this affair of the cold beef.

‘Bring me the wine list,’ he said flatly.

Another flyblown list was produced. All the wines looked impossibly expensive.
However, at the very top of the list there was some nameless table claret at two and nine
a bottle. Gordon made hurried calculations. He could just manage two and nine. He
indicated the wine with his thumbnail.

‘Bring us a bottle of this,’ he said.

The waiter’s eyebrows rose again. He essayed a stroke of irony.

‘You will have ze WHOLE bottle, sare? You would not prefare ze half bottle? ’


‘A whole bottle,’ said Gordon coldly.



All in a single delicate movement of contempt the waiter inclined his head, shrugged his
left shoulder, and turned away. Gordon could not stand it. He caught Rosemary’s eye
across the table. Somehow or other they had got to put that waiter in his place!
In a
moment the waiter came back, carrying the bottle of cheap wine by the neck, and half
concealing it behind his coat tails, as though it were something a little indecent or
unclean. Gordon had thought of a way to avenge himself. As the waiter displayed the
bottle he put out a hand, felt it, and frowned.

‘That’s not the way to serve red wine,’ he said.

Just for a moment the waiter was taken aback. ‘Sare? ’ he said.

‘It’s stone cold. Take the bottle away and wann it. ’

‘Very good, sare. ’

But it was not really a victory. The waiter did not look abashed. Was the wine worth
wanning? his raised eyebrow said. He bore the bottle away with easy disdain, making it
quite clear to Rosemary and Gordon that it was bad enough to order the cheapest wine on
the list without making this fuss about it afterwards.

The beef and salad were corpse-cold and did not seem like real food at all. They tasted
like water. The rolls, also, though stale, were damp. The reedy Thames water seemed to
have got into everything. It was no surprise that when the wine was opened it tasted like
mud. But it was alcoholic, that was the great thing. It was quite a surprise to find how
stimulating it was, once you had got it past your gullet and into your stomach. After
drinking a glass and a half Gordon felt very much better. The waiter stood by the door,
ironically patient, his napkin over his arm, trying to make Gordon and Rosemary
uncomfortable by his presence. At first he succeeded, but Gordon’s back was towards
him, and he disregarded him and presently almost forgot him. By degrees their courage
returned. They began to talk more easily and in louder voices.

‘Look,’ said Gordon. ‘Those swans have followed us all the way up here. ’

Sure enough, there were the two swans sailing vaguely to and fro over the dark green
water. And at this moment the sun burst out again and the dreary aquarium of a dining-



room was flooded with pleasant greenish light. Gordon and Rosemary felt suddenly
wann and happy. They began chattering about nothing, almost as though the waiter had
not been there, and Gordon took up the bottle and poured out two more glasses of wine.
Over their glasses their eyes met. She was looking at him with a sort of yielding irony.
‘I’m your mistress,’ her eyes said; ‘what a joke! ’ Their knees were touching under the
small table; momentarily she squeezed his knee between her own. Something leapt inside
him; a warm wave of sensuality and tenderness crept up his body. He had remembered!
She was his girl, his mistress. Presently, when they were alone, in some hidden place in
the warm, windless air, he would have her naked body all for his own at last. True, all the
morning he had known this, but somehow the knowledge had been unreal. It was only
now that he grasped it. Without words said, with a sort of bodily certainty, he knew that
within an hour she would be in his arms, naked. As they sat there in the warm light, their
knees touching, their eyes meeting, they felt as though already everything had been
accomplished. There was deep intimacy between them. They could have sat there for
hours, just looking at one another and talking of trivial things that had meanings for them
and for nobody else. They did sit there for twenty minutes or more. Gordon had forgotten
the waiter — had even forgotten, momentarily, the disaster of being let in for this wretched
lunch that was going to strip him of every penny he had. But presently the sun went in,
the room grew grey again, and they realized that it was time to go.

‘The bill,’ said Gordon, turning half round.

The waiter made a final effort to be offensive.

‘Ze bill, sare? But you do not wish any coffee, sare? ’

‘No, no coffee. The bill. ’

The waiter retired and came back with a folded slip on a salver. Gordon opened it. Six
and threepence — and he had exactly seven and elevenpence in the world! Of course he
had known approximately what the bill must be, and yet it was a shock now that it came.
He stood up, felt in his pocket, and took out all his money. The sallow young waiter, his
salver on his arm, eyed the handful of money; plainly he divined that it was all Gordon
had. Rosemary also had got up and come round the table. She pinched Gordon’s elbow;
this was a signal that she would like to pay her share. Gordon pretended not to notice. He



paid the six and threepence, and, as he turned away, dropped another shilling on to the
salver. The waiter balanced it for a moment on his hand, flicked it over, and then slipped
it into his waistcoat pocket with the air of covering up something unmentionable.

As they went down the passage, Gordon felt dismayed, helpless — dazed, almost. All his
money gone at a single swoop! It was a ghastly thing to happen. If only they had not
come to this accursed place! The whole day was ruined now — and all for the sake of a
couple of plates of cold beef and a bottle of muddy wine! Presently there would be tea to
think about, and he had only six cigarettes left, and there were the bus fares back to
Slough and God knew what else; and he had just eightpence to pay for the lot! They got
outside the hotel feeling as if they had been kicked out and the door slammed behind
them. All the wann intimacy of a moment ago was gone. Everything seemed different
now that they were outside. Their blood seemed to grow suddenly cooler in the open air.
Rosemary walked ahead of him, rather nervous, not speaking. She was half frightened
now by the thing she had resolved to do. He watched her strong delicate limbs moving.
There was her body that he had wanted so long; but now when the time had come it only
daunted him. He wanted her to be his, he wanted to HAVE HAD her, but he wished it
were over and done with. It was an effort — a thing he had got to screw himself up to. It
was strange that that beastly business of the hotel bill could have upset him so
completely. The easy carefree mood of the morning was shattered; in its place there had
come back the hateful, harassing, familiar thing — worry about money. In a minute he
would have to own up that he had only eightpence left; he would have to borrow money
off her to get them home; it would be squalid and shameful. Only the wine inside him
kept up his courage. The wannth of the wine, and the hateful feeling of having only
eightpence left, warred together in his body, neither getting the better of the other.

They walked rather slowly, but soon they were away from the river and on higher ground
again. Each searched desperately for something to say and could think of nothing. He
came level with her, took her hand, and wound her fingers within his own. Like that they
felt better. But his heart beat painfully, his entrails were constricted. He wondered
whether she felt the same.


‘There doesn’t seem to be a soul about,’ she said at last.



‘It’s Sunday afternoon. They’re all asleep under the aspidistra, after roast beef and
Yorkshire. ’


There was another silence. They walked on fifty yards or so. With difficulty mastering
his voice, he managed to say:

‘It’s extraordinarily wann. We might sit down for a bit if we can find a place. ’

‘Yes, all right. If you like. ’

Presently they came to a small copse on the left of the road. It looked dead and empty,
nothing growing under the naked trees. But at the corner of the copse, on the far side,
there was a great tangled patch of sloe or blackthorn bushes. He put his arm round her
without saying anything and turned her in that direction. There was a gap in the hedge
with some barbed wire strung across it. He held the wire up for her and she slipped
nimbly under it. His heart leapt again. How supple and strong she was! But as he climbed
over the wire to follow her, the eightpence — a sixpence and two pennies — clinked in his
pocket, daunting him anew.

When they got to the bushes they found a natural alcove. On three sides were beds of
thorns, leafless but impenetrable, and on the other side you looked downhill over a sweep
of naked ploughed fields. At the bottom of the hill stood a low-roofed cottage, tiny as a
child’s toy, its chimneys smokeless. Not a creature was stirring anywhere. You could not
have been more alone than in such a place. The grass was the fine mossy stuff that grows
under trees.

‘We ought to have brought a mackintosh,’ he said. He had knelt down.

‘It doesn’t matter. The ground’s fairly dry. ’

He pulled her to the ground beside him, kissed her, pulled off the flat felt hat, lay upon
her breast to breast, kissed her face all over. She lay under him, yielding rather than
responding. She did not resist when his hand sought her breasts. But in her heart she was
still frightened. She would do it — oh, yes! she would keep her implied promise, she
would not draw back; but all the same she was frightened. And at heart he too was half
reluctant. It dismayed him to find how little, at this moment, he really wanted her. The



money-business still unnerved him. How can you make love when you have only
eightpence in your pocket and are thinking about it all the time? Yet in a way he wanted
her. Indeed, he could not do without her. His life would be a different thing when once
they were really lovers. For a long time he lay on her breast, her head turned sideways,
his face against her neck and hair, attempting nothing further.

Then the sun came out again. It was getting low in the sky now. The warm light poured
over them as though a membrane across the sky had broken. It had been a little cold on
the grass, really, with the sun behind the clouds; but now once again it was almost as
warm as summer. Both of them sat up to exclaim at it.

‘Oh, Gordon, look! Look how the sun’s lighting everything up! ’

As the clouds melted away a widening yellow beam slid swiftly across the valley, gilding
everything in its path. Grass that had been dull green shone suddenly emerald. The empty
cottage below sprang out into wann colours, purply-blue of tiles, cherry-red of brick.
Only the fact that no birds were singing reminded you that it was winter. Gordon put his
ann round Rosemary and pulled her hard against him. They sat cheek to cheek, looking
down the hill. He turned her round and kissed her.

‘You do like me, don’t you? ’

‘Adore you, silly. ’

‘And you’re going to be nice to me, aren’t you? ’

‘Nice to you? ’

‘Let me do what I want with you? ’

‘Yes, I expect so. ’

‘Anything? ’


‘Yes, all right. Anything. ’



He pressed her back upon the grass. It was quite different now. The wannth of the sun
seemed to have got into their bones. ‘Take your clothes off, there’s a dear,’ he whispered.
She did it readily enough. She had no shame before him. Besides, it was so warm and the
place was so solitary that it did not matter how many clothes you took off. They spread
her clothes out and made a sort of bed for her to he on. Naked, she lay back, her hands
behind her head, her eyes shut, smiling slightly, as though she had considered everything
and were at peace in her mind. For a long time he knelt and gazed at her body. Its beauty
startled him. She looked much younger naked than with her clothes on. Her face, thrown
back, with eyes shut, looked almost childish. He moved closer to her. Once again the
coins clinked in his pocket. Only eightpence left! Trouble coming presently. But he
wouldn’t think of it now. Get on with it, that’s the great thing, get on with it and damn the
future! He put an arm beneath her and laid his body to hers.


‘May I? — now? ’

‘Yes. All right. ’

‘You’re not frightened? ’

‘No. ’

‘I ’ll be as gentle as I can with you. ’

‘It doesn’t matter. ’

A moment later:

‘Oh, Gordon, no! No, no, no! ’

‘What? What is it? ’

‘No, Gordon, no! You mustn’t! NO! ’

She put her hands against him and pushed him violently back. Her face looked remote,
frightened, almost hostile. It was terrible to feel her push him away at such a moment. It



was as though cold water had been dashed all over him. He fell back from her, dismayed,
hurriedly rearranging his clothes.

‘What is it? What’s the matter?