[197] It was of no avail therefore to
the wretched man, that as a naked huntsman in the amphitheatre of Alba,
he fought hand to hand with Numidian bears.
the wretched man, that as a naked huntsman in the amphitheatre of Alba,
he fought hand to hand with Numidian bears.
Satires
Sat.
i.
, 2, "rauci Theseide _Codri_.
"
[152] _Horrida. _ In all public misfortunes, the Roman matrons took
their part in the common mourning, by appearing without ornaments, in
weeds, and with disheveled hair. Cf. viii. , 267. Liv. , ii. , 7. Luc. ,
Phars. , ii. , 28, _seq. _
[153] _Candida. _ Cf. Plin. , xxxiv. , 5. The Parian marble was the
whitest, hence Virg. , Æn. , iii. , 126, "Niveamque Paron. "
[154] _Polycletus. _ Cf. viii. , 103. His master-piece was the Persian
body-guard (cf. Ælian. , V. H. , xiv. , 8), called the "Canon. " Vid.
Müller's Archæol. of Art, § 120. Euphranor the painter belonged, like
Polycletus, to the Sicyonic school.
[155] _Foruli_ or _plutei_, cases for holding MSS. Cf. ii. , 7. Suet. ,
Aug. , xxxi.
[156] Cf. Mart. , iii. , Ep. 52.
[157] _Circus. _ Cf. x. , 81, duas tantum res anxius optat Panem et
Circenses.
[158] Cf. Milton.
"And add to these retired leisure,
That in trim gardens takes his pleasure. "
[159] i. e. , "Only the very rich can afford to buy 'Insulæ,' in the
quiet part of the city, where their rest will not be broken by the
noise of their neighbors, or the street. "
[160] _Mandra_; properly "a pen for pigs or cattle," then "a team or
drove of cattle, mules," etc. ; as Martial, v. , Ep. xxii. , 7, "Mulorum
vincere mandras. " Here "the drovers" themselves are meant.
[161] _Drusum. _ Cf. Suet. , Claud. , v. , "super veterem segnitiæ notam. "
Seals are proverbially sluggish. Cf. Plin. , ix. , 13. Virg. , Georg. ,
iv. , 432.
[162] _Officium_; attendance on the levees of the great.
[163] Cf. i. , 64; v. , 83; vi. , 477, 351. Plin. , Pan. , 24.
[164] i. e. , of a litter. Cf. vii. , 132.
[165] _Culina_, "a double-celled chafing-dish, with a fire below, to
keep the 'dole' warm. " The custom is still retained in Italy.
[166] Domitius Corbulo, a man of uncommon strength, appointed by Nero
to command in Armenia. Vid. Tac. , Ann. , xiii. , 8.
[167] "The pace creates the draught. "
[168] _Sedet_; because, being unburied, he must wait a hundred years.
Cf. Virg. , Æn. , vi. , 313-330.
[169] Hom. , Il. , xxiv. , 12, "ἄλλοτε δ' αὖτε ὕπτιος ἄλλοτε δὲ πρηνής. "
[170] _Deducere_; "the technical word for the clients' attendance on
their patrons;" so "forum attingere; in forum deduci. "
[171]
"He only cudgels, and I only bear. " Dryden.
[172] _Sectile_, or the inferior kind of leek; the better sort being
called "capitatum. " Plin. , xx. , 6. Cf. Sat. xiv. , 133, sectivi porri.
[173] The order is "Pater, avus, proavus, abavus, atavas, tritavus. " He
means, therefore, eight generations back at least.
[174] Ancus Martius built the prison. Liv. , i. , 33. The dungeon was
added by Servius Tullius, and called from him Tullianum. The next was
built by Ap. Claudius the decemvir.
[175] _Ceres_ was worshiped under this epithet at Aquinum. Its origin
is variously given.
[176] _Caligatus_ may mean, "with rustic boots," so that you may not be
reminded of Rome; or "with soldier's boots," as armed for our campaign
against the vices of the city.
SATIRE IV.
Once more behold Crispinus! [177] and often shall I have to call him
on the stage. A monster! without one virtue to redeem his vices--of
feeble powers, save only in his lust. It is only a widow's charms this
adulterer scorns.
What matters it then in what large porticoes he wearies out his
steeds--through what vast shady groves his rides extend[178]--how many
acres close to the forum, or what palaces he has bought? No bad man is
ever happy. Least of all he that has added incest to his adultery, and
lately seduced the filleted priestess,[179] that with her life-blood
still warm must descend into the earth.
But now we have to deal with more venial acts. Yet if any other man
had committed the same, he would have come under the sentence of our
imperial censor. [180] For what would be infamous in men of worth, a
Titius or Seius, was becoming to Crispinus. What can you do when no
crime can be so foul and loathsome as the perpetrator himself? He gave
six sestertia for a mullet. [181] A thousand sesterces, forsooth! for
every pound of weight, as they allege, who exaggerate stories already
beyond belief. I should commend the act as a master-stroke of policy,
if by so noble a present he had got himself named chief heir[182]
in the will of some childless old man. A better plea still would be
that he had sent it to some mistress of rank, that rides in her close
chair with its wide glasses. Nothing of the sort! He bought it for
himself! We see many things which even Apicius[183] (mean and thrifty
compared with him) never was guilty of. Did you do this in days of
yore, Crispinus, when girt about with your native papyrus? [184] What!
pay this price for fish-scales? Perchance you might have bought the
fisherman cheaper than the fish! You might have bought a whole estate
for the money in some of our provinces. In Apulia, a still larger
one. [185] What kind of luxuries, then, may we suppose were gorged by
the emperor himself, when so many sestertia, that furnished forth but
a small portion, a mere side-dish of a very ordinary dinner, were
devoured by this court buffoon, now clothed in purple. Chief of the
equestrian order now is he who was wont to hawk about the streets shads
from the same borough[186] with himself.
Begin, Calliope! here may we take our seats! This is no poetic fiction;
we are dealing with _facts_! Relate it, Pierian maids! and grant me
grace for having called you _maids_.
When the last of the Flavii was mangling the world, lying at its last
gasp, and Rome was enslaved by a Nero,[187] ay, and a _bald_ one too,
an Adriatic turbot of wonderful size fell into the net, and filled its
ample folds, off the temple of Venus which Doric Ancona[188] sustains.
No less in bulk was it than those which the ice of the Mæotis incloses,
and when melted at length by the sun's rays, discharges at the outlets
of the sluggish Euxine, unwieldly from their long sloth, and fattened
by the long-protracted cold.
This prodigy of a fish the owner of the boat and nets designs for the
chief pontiff. For who would dare to put up such a fish to sale, or to
buy it? Since the shores too would be crowded with informers; these
inspectors of sea-weed, prowling in every nook, would straightway
contest the point[189] with the naked fisherman, and would not scruple
to allege that the fish was a "stray," and that having made its escape
from the emperor's ponds, where it had long reveled in plenty, ought
of course to revert to its ancient lord. If we place any faith in
Palfurius or Armillatus, whatever is pre-eminently fine in the whole
sea, is the property of the exchequer, wherever it swims. So, that
it may not be utterly lost, it will be made a present of, though now
sickly autumn was giving place to winter, and sick men were already
expecting[190] their fits of ague, though the rude tempest whistled
and kept the fish fresh, yet the fisherman hurries on as though a
mild south wind were blowing. And when the lakes were near at hand,
where, though in ruins, Alba[191] still preserves the Trojan fire, and
her Lesser Vesta,[192] the wondering crowd for a short space impeded
his entrance; as they made way for him, the folding-doors flew open
on ready-turning hinge. The senators, shut out themselves, watch the
dainty admitted. He stands in the royal presence. Then he of Picenum
begins, "Deign to accept what is too great for any private kitchen: let
this day be celebrated as the festival of your genius, haste to relieve
your stomach of its burden, and devour a turbot reserved to honor your
reign. [193] It insisted on being caught. " What could be more fulsome?
and yet the great man's crest rose. What flattery is there that it is
not prepared to believe, when power is praised as equal to the gods.
But there was no dish of sufficient size for the fish. Therefore the
senators are summoned to a council--men whom he hated! men on whose
faces sat the paleness engendered by the wretched friendship with the
great! At the loud summons of the Liburnian slave, "Run! the emperor
is already seated! " the first to snatch up his cloak and hurry to the
place was Pegasus, lately set as bailiff over the amazed city;[194]
for what else were the præfects of Rome in those days? of whom he was
the best and most conscientious dispenser of the laws, though in
those days of terror he thought all things ought to be administered by
justice unarmed. Crispus[195] came too, that facetious old man, with
high character equal to his eloquence and mild disposition. Who could
have been a more serviceable minister to one that ruled seas, and
lands, and peoples, if, under that bane and pest of mankind, he had
been allowed to reprobate his savage nature and give honest advice?
But what is more ticklish than a tyrant's ear, with whom the life even
of a favorite was at stake, though he might be talking of showers
or heat, or a rainy spring? He, therefore, never attempted to swim
against the stream, nor was he a citizen who dared give vent to the
free sentiments of his soul, and devote his life to the cause of truth:
and so it was that he saw many winters and eighty summers; safe, by
such weapons, even in a court like that. Next to him hurried Acilius,
a man of the same time of life; with a youth[196] that ill deserved
so cruel a death as that which awaited him, so prematurely inflicted
by the tyrant's swords; but nobility coupled with old age, has long
since been a miracle. Consequently, for myself, I should prefer being
a younger brother of the giants.
[197] It was of no avail therefore to
the wretched man, that as a naked huntsman in the amphitheatre of Alba,
he fought hand to hand with Numidian bears. For who, in our days, is
not up to the artifices of the patricians? Who would now admire that
primitive cunning of thine, Brutus? It is an easy thing to impose on a
king that wears a beard! [198]. Then came Rubrius not a whit less pale,
though he was no noble, one accused of an ancient and nameless crime,
and yet more lost to shame than the pathic satirist. [199] There too
is to be seen Montanus' paunch, unwieldy from its size, and Crispus
reeking with unguent though so early in the day, more than enough to
furnish forth two funerals; and Pompeius, still more ruthless even
than he at cutting men's throats by his insinuating whisper; and he
that kept his entrails only to fatten the Dacian vultures, Fuscus,
that studied the art of war in his marble palace; and the shrewd
Veiento with the deadly Catullus,[200] who raged with lust for a girl
he could not see, a monster and prodigy of guilt even in our days,
the blind flatterer, a common bridge-beggar[201] invested with this
hateful power, whose worthiest fate would be to run begging by the
carriages on the road to Aricia, and blow his fawning kisses to the
chariot as it descends the hill. No one showed more astonishment at the
turbot, for he was profuse in his wonder, turning toward the left, but
unfortunately the fish lay on the other side. This was just the way
he used to praise the combat and fencing of the Cilician gladiator,
and the stage machinery, and the boys caught up by it to the awning.
Veiento is not to be outdone by him; but, like one inspired by the
maddening influence of Bellona, begins to divine. "A mighty omen this
you have received of some great and noble triumph. Some captive king
you'll take, or Arviragus will be hurled from his British car. For the
monster is a foreign one. Do you see the sharp fins bristling on his
back like spears? " In one point only Fabricius was at fault, he could
not tell the turbot's country or age. "What then is your opinion? Is
it to be cut up? " "Heaven forefend so great dishonor to the noble
fish! " says Montanus. "Let a deep dish be provided, whose thin sides
may inclose its huge circumference. Some cunning Prometheus to act on
this sudden emergency is required. Quick with the clay and potter's
wheel! But henceforth, Cæsar, let potters always attend your armies! "
This opinion, worthy of the author, carried the day. He was well versed
in the old luxury of the imperial court, and Nero's nights,[202] and a
second appetite when the stomach was fired with the Falernian. [203] No
one in my day was a greater connoisseur in good eating; he could detect
at the first bite whether the oysters were natives from Circeii, or
the Lucrine rocks, or whether they came from the Rutupian beds, and
told the shore an Echinus came from at the first glance.
They rise; and the cabinet being dismissed, the great chief bids the
nobles depart whom he had dragged to the Alban height, amazed and
forced to hurry, as though he were about to announce some tidings of
the Catti and fierce Sicambri; as though from diverse parts of the
world some alarming express had arrived on hurried wing. And would
that he had devoted to such trifles as these those days of horror
and cruelty, in which he removed from the city those glorious and
illustrious spirits, with none to punish or avenge the deed! But he
perished as soon as he began to be an object of alarm to cobblers. This
was what proved fatal to one that was reeking with the blood of the
Lamiæ!
FOOTNOTES:
[177] _Iterum. _ Cf. i. , 27, "Pars Niliacæ plebis, verna Canopi,
Crispinus. "
[178] Cf. vii. , 179.
[179] The vestal escaped her punishment, through Crispinus' interest
with Domitian.
[180] Cf. Sat. ii. , 29. Suet. , Domit. , c. 8. Plin. , iv. , Epist xi.
[181] _Sex millibus_, about £44 7_s. _ 6_d. _ of English money. The value
of the sestertium was reduced after the reign of Augustus. A mullet
even of three pounds' weight was esteemed a great rarity. Vid. Hor. ,
Sat. , II. , ii. , 33, "Mullum laudas trilibrem. "
[182] The chief heir was named in the second line of the first table.
Cf. Horace, ii. , Sat. v. , 53. Suet. , Cæs. , 83; Nero, 17.
[183] Cf. Sat. xi. , 3.
[184] _Papyrus. _ Garments were made of papyrus even in Anacreon's days.
iv. , Od. 4. It is still used for the same purpose.
[185] Land would be probably cheap in Apulia, from its barrenness, and
bad air, and the prevalence of the wind Atabulus. Cf. Hor. , i. , Sat.
v. , Montes Apulia notos quos torret Atabulus.
[186] i. e. , Alexandria. Of the various readings of this line, "pactâ
mercede" seems to be the best. Even the fish Crispinus sold were not
his own, he was only hired to sell them for others.
[187] _Nero_, i. e. , Domitian, who was as much disgusted at his own
baldness as Cæsar.
[188] Founded by a colony of Syracusans, who fled from the tyranny of
Dionysius.
[189] _Agerunt cum_; perhaps, "be ready to go to law with. "
[190] _Sperare_ sometimes means to _fear_. Cf. Virg. , Æn. , iv. , 419.
[191] Alba was Domitian's favorite residence. Vid. Suet. , Dom. ,
iv. , 19. Plin. , iv. , Ep. xi. , "Non in regiam sed in Albanam villam
convocavit. "
[192] The "Lesser" Vesta, compared with the splendor of her "Cultus" at
Rome, which had been established by Numa. The temples were spared at
the time of the destruction of Alba by Tullus Hostilius. Vid. Liv. , i.
[193] "Sæculum" is repeatedly used in this sense by Pliny, and other
writers of this age.
[194] As though Rome had now so far lost her privileges and her
liberty, as to be no better than a country vicus, to be governed by a
bailiff.
[195] Vibius Crispus Placentinus, the author of the witticism about
"Domitian and the flies. " Vid. Suet. , Dom. , 3.
[196] _Juvene. _ Probably a son of this M. Acilius Glabrio, who was
murdered by Domitian out of envy at the applause he received when
fighting in the arena at the emperor's own command.
[197] i. e. , "Terræ filius," Pers. , vi. , 57, one of the meanest origin.
[198] It was 444 years before barbers were introduced into the city
from Sicily.
[199] Alluding to Nero's satire on Quintianus. Vid. Tac. , Ann. , xv. ,
49. Quintianus mollitie corporis infamis, et a Nerone probroso carmine
diffamatus.
[200] _Catullus Messalinus. _ Vid. Plin. , Ep. , iv. , 22. Fabricius
Veiento wrote some satirical pieces, for which Nero banished him,
and ordered his books to be burnt. Vid. Tac. , Ann. , xiv. , 50. He was
probably the husband of Hippia, mentioned in the 6th Satire, l. 82.
[201] "Pons. " Cf. Sat. v. , 8; xiv. , 134.
[202] Cf. Suet. , Nero, 27.
[203] Cf. vi. , 430.
SATIRE V.
If you are not yet ashamed of your course of life,[204] and your
feeling is still the same, that you consider living at another man's
table to be the chief good; if you can put up with such things as not
even Sarmentus or Galba, contemptible as he was, would have submitted
to even at the unequal[205] board of Cæsar himself; I should be afraid
to believe your evidence though you were on oath. I know nothing
more easily satisfied than the cravings of nature. Yet even suppose
this little that is needed to be wanting, is there no quay vacant?
is there no where a bridge, and a piece of mat, somewhat less than
half, to beg upon? Is the loss of a supper so great a matter? is your
craving so fierce? when, in faith, it were much more reputable[206]
to shiver there, and munch mouldy fragments of dog-biscuit. In the
first place, bear in mind, that when invited to dinner, you receive
payment in full of your long-standing account of service. The sole
result of your friendship with the great man is--a meal! This your
patron sets down to your account, and, rare though it be, still takes
it into the calculation. Therefore, if after the lapse of two months
he deigns to send for his long-neglected client, only that the third
place may not be unoccupied in one couch of his triclinium[207]--"Let
us sup together," he says; the very summit of your wishes! What more
can you desire? Trebius has that for which he ought to break his rest,
and hurry away with latchet all untied, in his alarm lest the whole
crowd at his patron's levee shall have already gone their round of
compliments, when the stars are fading, or at the hour when the chill
wain of sluggish Bootes wheels slowly round. [208]
But what sort of a supper is it after all? Wine, such as wool just
shorn would not imbibe. [209] You will see the guests become frantic
as the priests of Cybele. Wranglings are the prelude of the fray: but
soon you begin to hurl cups as well in retaliation; and wipe your
wounds with your napkin stained with blood; as often as a pitched
battle, begun with pitchers of Saguntine ware, rages between you and
the regiment of freedmen. The great man himself drinks wine racked from
the wood under some consul with long hair,[210] and sips[211] the juice
of the grape pressed in the Social war; never likely, however, to send
even a small glass to a friend, though sick at heart. To-morrow, he
will drink the produce of the mountains of Alba or Setia,[212] whose
country and date age has obliterated by the accumulated mould on the
ancient amphora; such wine as, with chaplets on their heads, Thrasea
and Helvidius used to drink on the birthdays of the Bruti and Cassius.
Virro himself holds capacious cups formed of the tears of the
Heliades[213] and phialæ incrusted with beryl. You are not trusted
with gold: or even if it is ever handed to you, a servant is set as
a guard over you at the same time, to count the gems and watch your
sharp nails. Forgive the precaution: the jasper so much admired there
is indeed a noble one: for, like many others, Virro transfers to his
cups the gems from off his fingers, which the youth, preferred to the
jealous Hiarbas,[214] used to set on the front of his scabbard. You
will drain a cup with four noses, that bears the name of the cobbler of
Beneventum,[215] already cracked, and fit to be exchanged, as broken
glass, for brimstone. [216]
If your patron's stomach is overheated with wine and food, he calls for
water cooled by being boiled and then iced in Scythian snow. [217] Did
I complain just now that the wine set before you was not the same as
Virro's? Why, the very water you drink is different. Your cups will be
handed you by a running footman from Gætulia, or the bony hand of some
Moor, so black that you would rather not meet him at midnight, while
riding through the tombs on the steep Latin way. Before Virro himself
stands the flower of Asia, purchased at a greater sum than formed the
whole revenue of the warlike Tullus, or Ancus--and, not to detain you,
the whole fortunes[218] of all the kings of Rome. And so, when you
are thirsty, look behind you for your black Ganymede that comes from
Africa. A boy that costs so many thousands deigns not to mix wine for
the poor. Nay, his very beauty and bloom of youth justify his sneer.
When does he come near you? When would he come, even if you called him,
to serve you with hot or cold water?
[152] _Horrida. _ In all public misfortunes, the Roman matrons took
their part in the common mourning, by appearing without ornaments, in
weeds, and with disheveled hair. Cf. viii. , 267. Liv. , ii. , 7. Luc. ,
Phars. , ii. , 28, _seq. _
[153] _Candida. _ Cf. Plin. , xxxiv. , 5. The Parian marble was the
whitest, hence Virg. , Æn. , iii. , 126, "Niveamque Paron. "
[154] _Polycletus. _ Cf. viii. , 103. His master-piece was the Persian
body-guard (cf. Ælian. , V. H. , xiv. , 8), called the "Canon. " Vid.
Müller's Archæol. of Art, § 120. Euphranor the painter belonged, like
Polycletus, to the Sicyonic school.
[155] _Foruli_ or _plutei_, cases for holding MSS. Cf. ii. , 7. Suet. ,
Aug. , xxxi.
[156] Cf. Mart. , iii. , Ep. 52.
[157] _Circus. _ Cf. x. , 81, duas tantum res anxius optat Panem et
Circenses.
[158] Cf. Milton.
"And add to these retired leisure,
That in trim gardens takes his pleasure. "
[159] i. e. , "Only the very rich can afford to buy 'Insulæ,' in the
quiet part of the city, where their rest will not be broken by the
noise of their neighbors, or the street. "
[160] _Mandra_; properly "a pen for pigs or cattle," then "a team or
drove of cattle, mules," etc. ; as Martial, v. , Ep. xxii. , 7, "Mulorum
vincere mandras. " Here "the drovers" themselves are meant.
[161] _Drusum. _ Cf. Suet. , Claud. , v. , "super veterem segnitiæ notam. "
Seals are proverbially sluggish. Cf. Plin. , ix. , 13. Virg. , Georg. ,
iv. , 432.
[162] _Officium_; attendance on the levees of the great.
[163] Cf. i. , 64; v. , 83; vi. , 477, 351. Plin. , Pan. , 24.
[164] i. e. , of a litter. Cf. vii. , 132.
[165] _Culina_, "a double-celled chafing-dish, with a fire below, to
keep the 'dole' warm. " The custom is still retained in Italy.
[166] Domitius Corbulo, a man of uncommon strength, appointed by Nero
to command in Armenia. Vid. Tac. , Ann. , xiii. , 8.
[167] "The pace creates the draught. "
[168] _Sedet_; because, being unburied, he must wait a hundred years.
Cf. Virg. , Æn. , vi. , 313-330.
[169] Hom. , Il. , xxiv. , 12, "ἄλλοτε δ' αὖτε ὕπτιος ἄλλοτε δὲ πρηνής. "
[170] _Deducere_; "the technical word for the clients' attendance on
their patrons;" so "forum attingere; in forum deduci. "
[171]
"He only cudgels, and I only bear. " Dryden.
[172] _Sectile_, or the inferior kind of leek; the better sort being
called "capitatum. " Plin. , xx. , 6. Cf. Sat. xiv. , 133, sectivi porri.
[173] The order is "Pater, avus, proavus, abavus, atavas, tritavus. " He
means, therefore, eight generations back at least.
[174] Ancus Martius built the prison. Liv. , i. , 33. The dungeon was
added by Servius Tullius, and called from him Tullianum. The next was
built by Ap. Claudius the decemvir.
[175] _Ceres_ was worshiped under this epithet at Aquinum. Its origin
is variously given.
[176] _Caligatus_ may mean, "with rustic boots," so that you may not be
reminded of Rome; or "with soldier's boots," as armed for our campaign
against the vices of the city.
SATIRE IV.
Once more behold Crispinus! [177] and often shall I have to call him
on the stage. A monster! without one virtue to redeem his vices--of
feeble powers, save only in his lust. It is only a widow's charms this
adulterer scorns.
What matters it then in what large porticoes he wearies out his
steeds--through what vast shady groves his rides extend[178]--how many
acres close to the forum, or what palaces he has bought? No bad man is
ever happy. Least of all he that has added incest to his adultery, and
lately seduced the filleted priestess,[179] that with her life-blood
still warm must descend into the earth.
But now we have to deal with more venial acts. Yet if any other man
had committed the same, he would have come under the sentence of our
imperial censor. [180] For what would be infamous in men of worth, a
Titius or Seius, was becoming to Crispinus. What can you do when no
crime can be so foul and loathsome as the perpetrator himself? He gave
six sestertia for a mullet. [181] A thousand sesterces, forsooth! for
every pound of weight, as they allege, who exaggerate stories already
beyond belief. I should commend the act as a master-stroke of policy,
if by so noble a present he had got himself named chief heir[182]
in the will of some childless old man. A better plea still would be
that he had sent it to some mistress of rank, that rides in her close
chair with its wide glasses. Nothing of the sort! He bought it for
himself! We see many things which even Apicius[183] (mean and thrifty
compared with him) never was guilty of. Did you do this in days of
yore, Crispinus, when girt about with your native papyrus? [184] What!
pay this price for fish-scales? Perchance you might have bought the
fisherman cheaper than the fish! You might have bought a whole estate
for the money in some of our provinces. In Apulia, a still larger
one. [185] What kind of luxuries, then, may we suppose were gorged by
the emperor himself, when so many sestertia, that furnished forth but
a small portion, a mere side-dish of a very ordinary dinner, were
devoured by this court buffoon, now clothed in purple. Chief of the
equestrian order now is he who was wont to hawk about the streets shads
from the same borough[186] with himself.
Begin, Calliope! here may we take our seats! This is no poetic fiction;
we are dealing with _facts_! Relate it, Pierian maids! and grant me
grace for having called you _maids_.
When the last of the Flavii was mangling the world, lying at its last
gasp, and Rome was enslaved by a Nero,[187] ay, and a _bald_ one too,
an Adriatic turbot of wonderful size fell into the net, and filled its
ample folds, off the temple of Venus which Doric Ancona[188] sustains.
No less in bulk was it than those which the ice of the Mæotis incloses,
and when melted at length by the sun's rays, discharges at the outlets
of the sluggish Euxine, unwieldly from their long sloth, and fattened
by the long-protracted cold.
This prodigy of a fish the owner of the boat and nets designs for the
chief pontiff. For who would dare to put up such a fish to sale, or to
buy it? Since the shores too would be crowded with informers; these
inspectors of sea-weed, prowling in every nook, would straightway
contest the point[189] with the naked fisherman, and would not scruple
to allege that the fish was a "stray," and that having made its escape
from the emperor's ponds, where it had long reveled in plenty, ought
of course to revert to its ancient lord. If we place any faith in
Palfurius or Armillatus, whatever is pre-eminently fine in the whole
sea, is the property of the exchequer, wherever it swims. So, that
it may not be utterly lost, it will be made a present of, though now
sickly autumn was giving place to winter, and sick men were already
expecting[190] their fits of ague, though the rude tempest whistled
and kept the fish fresh, yet the fisherman hurries on as though a
mild south wind were blowing. And when the lakes were near at hand,
where, though in ruins, Alba[191] still preserves the Trojan fire, and
her Lesser Vesta,[192] the wondering crowd for a short space impeded
his entrance; as they made way for him, the folding-doors flew open
on ready-turning hinge. The senators, shut out themselves, watch the
dainty admitted. He stands in the royal presence. Then he of Picenum
begins, "Deign to accept what is too great for any private kitchen: let
this day be celebrated as the festival of your genius, haste to relieve
your stomach of its burden, and devour a turbot reserved to honor your
reign. [193] It insisted on being caught. " What could be more fulsome?
and yet the great man's crest rose. What flattery is there that it is
not prepared to believe, when power is praised as equal to the gods.
But there was no dish of sufficient size for the fish. Therefore the
senators are summoned to a council--men whom he hated! men on whose
faces sat the paleness engendered by the wretched friendship with the
great! At the loud summons of the Liburnian slave, "Run! the emperor
is already seated! " the first to snatch up his cloak and hurry to the
place was Pegasus, lately set as bailiff over the amazed city;[194]
for what else were the præfects of Rome in those days? of whom he was
the best and most conscientious dispenser of the laws, though in
those days of terror he thought all things ought to be administered by
justice unarmed. Crispus[195] came too, that facetious old man, with
high character equal to his eloquence and mild disposition. Who could
have been a more serviceable minister to one that ruled seas, and
lands, and peoples, if, under that bane and pest of mankind, he had
been allowed to reprobate his savage nature and give honest advice?
But what is more ticklish than a tyrant's ear, with whom the life even
of a favorite was at stake, though he might be talking of showers
or heat, or a rainy spring? He, therefore, never attempted to swim
against the stream, nor was he a citizen who dared give vent to the
free sentiments of his soul, and devote his life to the cause of truth:
and so it was that he saw many winters and eighty summers; safe, by
such weapons, even in a court like that. Next to him hurried Acilius,
a man of the same time of life; with a youth[196] that ill deserved
so cruel a death as that which awaited him, so prematurely inflicted
by the tyrant's swords; but nobility coupled with old age, has long
since been a miracle. Consequently, for myself, I should prefer being
a younger brother of the giants.
[197] It was of no avail therefore to
the wretched man, that as a naked huntsman in the amphitheatre of Alba,
he fought hand to hand with Numidian bears. For who, in our days, is
not up to the artifices of the patricians? Who would now admire that
primitive cunning of thine, Brutus? It is an easy thing to impose on a
king that wears a beard! [198]. Then came Rubrius not a whit less pale,
though he was no noble, one accused of an ancient and nameless crime,
and yet more lost to shame than the pathic satirist. [199] There too
is to be seen Montanus' paunch, unwieldy from its size, and Crispus
reeking with unguent though so early in the day, more than enough to
furnish forth two funerals; and Pompeius, still more ruthless even
than he at cutting men's throats by his insinuating whisper; and he
that kept his entrails only to fatten the Dacian vultures, Fuscus,
that studied the art of war in his marble palace; and the shrewd
Veiento with the deadly Catullus,[200] who raged with lust for a girl
he could not see, a monster and prodigy of guilt even in our days,
the blind flatterer, a common bridge-beggar[201] invested with this
hateful power, whose worthiest fate would be to run begging by the
carriages on the road to Aricia, and blow his fawning kisses to the
chariot as it descends the hill. No one showed more astonishment at the
turbot, for he was profuse in his wonder, turning toward the left, but
unfortunately the fish lay on the other side. This was just the way
he used to praise the combat and fencing of the Cilician gladiator,
and the stage machinery, and the boys caught up by it to the awning.
Veiento is not to be outdone by him; but, like one inspired by the
maddening influence of Bellona, begins to divine. "A mighty omen this
you have received of some great and noble triumph. Some captive king
you'll take, or Arviragus will be hurled from his British car. For the
monster is a foreign one. Do you see the sharp fins bristling on his
back like spears? " In one point only Fabricius was at fault, he could
not tell the turbot's country or age. "What then is your opinion? Is
it to be cut up? " "Heaven forefend so great dishonor to the noble
fish! " says Montanus. "Let a deep dish be provided, whose thin sides
may inclose its huge circumference. Some cunning Prometheus to act on
this sudden emergency is required. Quick with the clay and potter's
wheel! But henceforth, Cæsar, let potters always attend your armies! "
This opinion, worthy of the author, carried the day. He was well versed
in the old luxury of the imperial court, and Nero's nights,[202] and a
second appetite when the stomach was fired with the Falernian. [203] No
one in my day was a greater connoisseur in good eating; he could detect
at the first bite whether the oysters were natives from Circeii, or
the Lucrine rocks, or whether they came from the Rutupian beds, and
told the shore an Echinus came from at the first glance.
They rise; and the cabinet being dismissed, the great chief bids the
nobles depart whom he had dragged to the Alban height, amazed and
forced to hurry, as though he were about to announce some tidings of
the Catti and fierce Sicambri; as though from diverse parts of the
world some alarming express had arrived on hurried wing. And would
that he had devoted to such trifles as these those days of horror
and cruelty, in which he removed from the city those glorious and
illustrious spirits, with none to punish or avenge the deed! But he
perished as soon as he began to be an object of alarm to cobblers. This
was what proved fatal to one that was reeking with the blood of the
Lamiæ!
FOOTNOTES:
[177] _Iterum. _ Cf. i. , 27, "Pars Niliacæ plebis, verna Canopi,
Crispinus. "
[178] Cf. vii. , 179.
[179] The vestal escaped her punishment, through Crispinus' interest
with Domitian.
[180] Cf. Sat. ii. , 29. Suet. , Domit. , c. 8. Plin. , iv. , Epist xi.
[181] _Sex millibus_, about £44 7_s. _ 6_d. _ of English money. The value
of the sestertium was reduced after the reign of Augustus. A mullet
even of three pounds' weight was esteemed a great rarity. Vid. Hor. ,
Sat. , II. , ii. , 33, "Mullum laudas trilibrem. "
[182] The chief heir was named in the second line of the first table.
Cf. Horace, ii. , Sat. v. , 53. Suet. , Cæs. , 83; Nero, 17.
[183] Cf. Sat. xi. , 3.
[184] _Papyrus. _ Garments were made of papyrus even in Anacreon's days.
iv. , Od. 4. It is still used for the same purpose.
[185] Land would be probably cheap in Apulia, from its barrenness, and
bad air, and the prevalence of the wind Atabulus. Cf. Hor. , i. , Sat.
v. , Montes Apulia notos quos torret Atabulus.
[186] i. e. , Alexandria. Of the various readings of this line, "pactâ
mercede" seems to be the best. Even the fish Crispinus sold were not
his own, he was only hired to sell them for others.
[187] _Nero_, i. e. , Domitian, who was as much disgusted at his own
baldness as Cæsar.
[188] Founded by a colony of Syracusans, who fled from the tyranny of
Dionysius.
[189] _Agerunt cum_; perhaps, "be ready to go to law with. "
[190] _Sperare_ sometimes means to _fear_. Cf. Virg. , Æn. , iv. , 419.
[191] Alba was Domitian's favorite residence. Vid. Suet. , Dom. ,
iv. , 19. Plin. , iv. , Ep. xi. , "Non in regiam sed in Albanam villam
convocavit. "
[192] The "Lesser" Vesta, compared with the splendor of her "Cultus" at
Rome, which had been established by Numa. The temples were spared at
the time of the destruction of Alba by Tullus Hostilius. Vid. Liv. , i.
[193] "Sæculum" is repeatedly used in this sense by Pliny, and other
writers of this age.
[194] As though Rome had now so far lost her privileges and her
liberty, as to be no better than a country vicus, to be governed by a
bailiff.
[195] Vibius Crispus Placentinus, the author of the witticism about
"Domitian and the flies. " Vid. Suet. , Dom. , 3.
[196] _Juvene. _ Probably a son of this M. Acilius Glabrio, who was
murdered by Domitian out of envy at the applause he received when
fighting in the arena at the emperor's own command.
[197] i. e. , "Terræ filius," Pers. , vi. , 57, one of the meanest origin.
[198] It was 444 years before barbers were introduced into the city
from Sicily.
[199] Alluding to Nero's satire on Quintianus. Vid. Tac. , Ann. , xv. ,
49. Quintianus mollitie corporis infamis, et a Nerone probroso carmine
diffamatus.
[200] _Catullus Messalinus. _ Vid. Plin. , Ep. , iv. , 22. Fabricius
Veiento wrote some satirical pieces, for which Nero banished him,
and ordered his books to be burnt. Vid. Tac. , Ann. , xiv. , 50. He was
probably the husband of Hippia, mentioned in the 6th Satire, l. 82.
[201] "Pons. " Cf. Sat. v. , 8; xiv. , 134.
[202] Cf. Suet. , Nero, 27.
[203] Cf. vi. , 430.
SATIRE V.
If you are not yet ashamed of your course of life,[204] and your
feeling is still the same, that you consider living at another man's
table to be the chief good; if you can put up with such things as not
even Sarmentus or Galba, contemptible as he was, would have submitted
to even at the unequal[205] board of Cæsar himself; I should be afraid
to believe your evidence though you were on oath. I know nothing
more easily satisfied than the cravings of nature. Yet even suppose
this little that is needed to be wanting, is there no quay vacant?
is there no where a bridge, and a piece of mat, somewhat less than
half, to beg upon? Is the loss of a supper so great a matter? is your
craving so fierce? when, in faith, it were much more reputable[206]
to shiver there, and munch mouldy fragments of dog-biscuit. In the
first place, bear in mind, that when invited to dinner, you receive
payment in full of your long-standing account of service. The sole
result of your friendship with the great man is--a meal! This your
patron sets down to your account, and, rare though it be, still takes
it into the calculation. Therefore, if after the lapse of two months
he deigns to send for his long-neglected client, only that the third
place may not be unoccupied in one couch of his triclinium[207]--"Let
us sup together," he says; the very summit of your wishes! What more
can you desire? Trebius has that for which he ought to break his rest,
and hurry away with latchet all untied, in his alarm lest the whole
crowd at his patron's levee shall have already gone their round of
compliments, when the stars are fading, or at the hour when the chill
wain of sluggish Bootes wheels slowly round. [208]
But what sort of a supper is it after all? Wine, such as wool just
shorn would not imbibe. [209] You will see the guests become frantic
as the priests of Cybele. Wranglings are the prelude of the fray: but
soon you begin to hurl cups as well in retaliation; and wipe your
wounds with your napkin stained with blood; as often as a pitched
battle, begun with pitchers of Saguntine ware, rages between you and
the regiment of freedmen. The great man himself drinks wine racked from
the wood under some consul with long hair,[210] and sips[211] the juice
of the grape pressed in the Social war; never likely, however, to send
even a small glass to a friend, though sick at heart. To-morrow, he
will drink the produce of the mountains of Alba or Setia,[212] whose
country and date age has obliterated by the accumulated mould on the
ancient amphora; such wine as, with chaplets on their heads, Thrasea
and Helvidius used to drink on the birthdays of the Bruti and Cassius.
Virro himself holds capacious cups formed of the tears of the
Heliades[213] and phialæ incrusted with beryl. You are not trusted
with gold: or even if it is ever handed to you, a servant is set as
a guard over you at the same time, to count the gems and watch your
sharp nails. Forgive the precaution: the jasper so much admired there
is indeed a noble one: for, like many others, Virro transfers to his
cups the gems from off his fingers, which the youth, preferred to the
jealous Hiarbas,[214] used to set on the front of his scabbard. You
will drain a cup with four noses, that bears the name of the cobbler of
Beneventum,[215] already cracked, and fit to be exchanged, as broken
glass, for brimstone. [216]
If your patron's stomach is overheated with wine and food, he calls for
water cooled by being boiled and then iced in Scythian snow. [217] Did
I complain just now that the wine set before you was not the same as
Virro's? Why, the very water you drink is different. Your cups will be
handed you by a running footman from Gætulia, or the bony hand of some
Moor, so black that you would rather not meet him at midnight, while
riding through the tombs on the steep Latin way. Before Virro himself
stands the flower of Asia, purchased at a greater sum than formed the
whole revenue of the warlike Tullus, or Ancus--and, not to detain you,
the whole fortunes[218] of all the kings of Rome. And so, when you
are thirsty, look behind you for your black Ganymede that comes from
Africa. A boy that costs so many thousands deigns not to mix wine for
the poor. Nay, his very beauty and bloom of youth justify his sneer.
When does he come near you? When would he come, even if you called him,
to serve you with hot or cold water?
