No More Learning

Julian — Not an ancient one, like those of ^Esop, but a fic
tion from Mercury. This I will repeat to you as I received it from that god ; and whether it contain truth, or falsehood blended with truth, I will leave you to judge when you have heard it.
212 THE OESARS.
Friend — Enough, and more than enough, of preface. One would think that you were going to deliver an oration rather than a fable. Now then, proceed to the discourse itself.
Julian — Attend.
Romulus, sacrificing at the Saturnalia, invited all the gods, and Caesars also, to a banquet. Couches were prepared for the reception of the gods on the summit of heaven, on Olympus, the firm mansion of the Immortals.
Thither, it is said, like Hercules, Quirinus ascended. For thus, in compliance with the rumor of his divinity, we must style Romulus. Below the moon, in the highest region of the air, a repast was given to the Caesars. Thither they were wafted, and there they were buoyed up, by the lightness of the bodies with which they were invested, and the revolution of the moon. Four couches, of exquisite workmanship, were spread for the superior deities. That of Saturn was formed of pol ished ebony, which reflected such a divine luster as was insup portable. For, on viewing this ebony, the eye was as much dazzled by the excess of light, as it is by gazing steadfastly on the sun. That of Jupiter was more splendid than silver, and too white to be gold ; but whether this should be called elec- trum, or what other name should be given it, Mercury, though he had inquired of the metallists, could not precisely inform me.
On each side of them, sat on golden thrones the mother and the daughter, Juno near Jupiter, Rhea near Saturn. On the beauty of the gods, Mercury did not descant ; as that, he said, transcended my faculties, and was impossible for them to ex press. For no terms level to my comprehension, however elo quent, could sufficiently extol or do justice to the inimitable beauty of the gods.
Thrones or couches were prepared for all the other deities, according to their seniority. As to this, there was no disagree ment ; for, as Homer — instructed, no doubt, by the Muses themselves — observes, " each god has his own throne assigned him, where he is firmly and immovably fixed. "
When, therefore, they rise at the entrance of their father, they never confound or change their seats, or infringe on those of others. Every one knows his proper station.
Thus, all the gods being seated in a circle, Silenus fondly placed himself near young and beautiful Bacchus (who was close to his father Jupiter), as his foster-father and governor ;
THE OESARS. 213
diverting the god, who is a lover of mirth and laughter, with his facetious and sarcastic sayings.
As soon as the table was spread for the Caesars, the first who appeared was Julius Caesar. Such was his passion for glory, that he seemed willing to contend for dominion with Jupiter himself. Silenus, observing him, said : " Behold, Jupiter, one who has ambition enough to endeavor to dethrone you. He is, you see, strong and handsome, and if he resembles me in noth ing else, his head, at least, is certainly the fellow of mine. "
Amidst these jokes of Silenus, to which the gods paid little attention, Octavianus entered. He assumed, like a chameleon, various colors, at first appearing pale, then black, dark, and cloudy, and at last exhibiting the charms of Venus and the Graces. In the luster of his eyes he seemed willing to rival the sun ; nor could any one encounter his looks. " Strange ! " cried Silenus ; " what a changeable creature is this ! what mis chief will he do us ? "
" Cease trifling," said Apollo : " after I have consigned him to Zeno, I will exhibit him to you pure as gold. Hark ye," added he to that philosopher. "Zeno, undertake the care of my pupil. " He, in obedience, suggesting to him a very few precepts, as if he had muttered the incantations of Zamolxis, soon rendered him wise and virtuous.
The third who approached was Tiberius, with a grave but fierce aspect, appearing at once both wise and martial. As he turned to sit down, his back displayed several scars, some cau teries and sores, severe stripes and bruises, scabs and tumors, imprinted by lust and intemperance. Silenus then saying : —
"Far different now thou seemest than before,"
in a much more serious tone, " Why so grave, my dear ? " said Bacchus. " That old satyr," replied he, " has terrified me, and made me inadvertently quote a line of Homer. " "Take care that he does not also pull your ears," said Bacchus; "for thus, it is said, he treated a certain grammarian. " "He had better," returned Silenus, "bemoan himself in his solitary island [Capreoe], and tear the face of some miserable fish erman. "
While they were thus joking, a dreadful monster [Caligula]
appeared. The gods averting their eyes, Nemesis delivered him to the avenging Furies, who immediately threw him into
214 THE C2ESARS.
Tartarus, without allowing Silenus to accost him. But on the approach of Claudius, Silenus began to sing the beginning of the part of Demosthenes in the Knights of Aristophanes, cajol ing Claudius. Then turning to Quirinus, "You are unjust," said he, " to invite your descendant without his freedmen, Nar cissus and Pallas. But besides them, you should also send for his wife Messalina ; for without them he appears like guards in a tragedy, mute and inanimate. "
While Silenus was speaking, Nero entered, playing on his harp and crowned with laurel. Silenus then turned to Apollo and said, " This man makes you his model. " " I shall soon un crown him," replied Apollo : " he did not imitate me in every thing, and when he did, he was a bad imitator. " Cocytus, therefore, instantly swept him away, divested of his crown.
After him, seeing many come crowding together, — Vindex, Otho, Galba, Vitellius, — Silenus exclaimed : " Where, ye gods, have you found such a multitude of monarchs ? We are suffo cated with smoke ; for beasts of this kind spare not even the temples of the gods. " Jupiter then looked at his brother Sera- pis, and said, pointing to Vespasian : " Send this miser, as soon as possible, out of Egypt, to extinguish these flames. Bid his eldest son [Titus] solace himself with a prostitute, but chain his younger son [Domitian] near the Sicilian tiger. "
Then came an old man [Nerva], of a beautiful aspect (for even old age is sometimes beautiful), in his manners most gen tle, and in his administration mild. With him Silenus was so delighted that he remained silent. " What ! " said Mercury, "have you nothing to say of this man? " "Yes, by Jupiter," he replied ; " for I charge you all with partiality, in suffering that bloodthirsty monster [Domitian] to reign fifteen years, but this man scarce a whole year. " "Do not complain," an swered Jupiter : " many good princes shall succeed him. "
Trajan immediately entered, bearing on his shoulders the Getic and Parthian trophies. Silenus, observing him, said in a low voice, but loud enough to be heard, " Our lord Jupiter must now be careful, or he will not be able to keep Ganymede to himself. " After him advanced a venerable sage [Hadrian], with a long beard, an adept in music, gazing frequently on the heavens, and curiously investigating the abstrusest subjects. " What," said Silenus, " think you of this Sophist ? Is he look
If so, one of you may tell him that the youth is not here, and thus check his madness and folly. " To these
ing for Antinous ?
THE C^SARS. 215
succeeded a man of moderation, not in amorous but political pursuits [Antoninus Pius]. Silenus, on seeing him, exclaimed, " Strange ! how important is he in trifles ! This old man seems to me one of those who would harangue about a pin's point. "
At the entrance of two brothers, Marcus Aurelius and Lucius Verus, Silenus contracted his brow, as he could by no means jeer or deride them. Marcus, in particular, though he strictly scrutinized his conduct with regard to his son and his wife ; as to her, in his immoderate grief for her death, though she little deserved it ; as to him, in hazarding the ruin of the empire by preferring him to a discreet son-in-law, who would have made a better prince, and studied the advantage of his son more than he did himself.
Notwithstanding these failings, Silenus could not but admire his exalted virtue. Thinking his son [Commodus] unworthy of any stroke of wit, he silently dismissed him. And he, not being able to support himself or associate with the heroes, fell down to the earth.
Pertinax then approached, still lamenting the mortal wound that he received at a banquet. This excited the compassion of Nemesis, who said : " The authors of this deed shall not long exult ; but, Pertinax, you were culpable in being privy to the conspiracy that destroyed the son of Marcus. " He was suc ceeded by Severus, a prince inexorable in punishing. " Of him," said Silenus, " I have nothing to say ; for I am terrified by his stern and implacable looks. " His sons would have ac companied him, but Minos prevented them, and kept them at a distance. With a prudent distinction, however, he dismissed the youngest [Geta], and ordered the eldest [Caracalla] to be punished for his crimes.
That crafty murderer, Macrinus, and the youth of Emesa [Elagabalus] were driven from the sacred inclosure. But Alexander the Syrian, being placed in"the hinder ranks, be wailed his misfortune. Silenus added, O thou fool and mad man ! highly exalted as thou wert, thou didst not govern for thyself, but gavest thy wealth to thy mother, and couldst not be persuaded that it was much better to bestow it on thy friends than to hoard it. "
" All, however," said Nemesis, " who were accessory to his death I will deliver to the tormentors. " And thus the youth was dismissed.
Gallienus then entered with his father [Valerian], the latter
216 THE C. ESARS.
dragging the chain of his captivity, the other effeminate both in his dress and behavior. Silenus thus ridiculed the father : —
"
Before the ranks who marches in the van. ''
By those snowy plumes distinguished,
And to the son he said: —
" Him gold adorns, all dainty as a bride. "
Jupiter ordered them both to depart from the banquet.
They were succeeded by Claudius, on whom all the gods fixed their eyes, admiring his magnanimity, and granted the
empire to his descendants, thinking it just that the posterity of such a lover of his country should enjoy the sovereignty as long as possible.
After him entered Aurelian, as if to escape those who were accusing him before Minos; for many charges of murder, which he could not palliate or excuse, were brought against him. But my lord the Sun, who had patronized him on other occasions, assisted him also on this, by informing the gods that the Delphic oracle —
That he who evil does, should evil suffer, is righteous judgment,
had been fulfilled.
The next was Probus, who, in less than seven years rebuilt
seventy cities, and also enacted many wise laws. Having suf fered unjustly, he was honored by the gods, and his death was revenged by the punishment of his murderers. Silenus, never theless, endeavored in like manner to ridicule him ; and many of the gods urging him to be silent : " Let those who shall fol low," said he, "grow wiser by his example. Dost thou not know, O Probus, that physicians make bitter potions palatable, by infusing them in mead ? But thou, who wert always so severe and cruel that none could equal thee, hast suffered, how ever unjustly, in like manner. For no one can govern brutes, much less men, but by sometimes gratifying and indulging them ; as physicians humor their patients in trifles, that they may insure their compliance" in things essential. " "What! dear father," said Bacchus ; do you now play the philosopher upon us ? " " Why not ? " replied Silenus. " Were not you too, my son, instructed by me in philosophy ? Know you not
THE C-ESARS.
217
that Socrates also held, like me, the first rank in philosophy among his contemporaries, if you credit the oracle of Delphi ? Allow me, therefore, to speak not always jocosely, but some times seriously. "
While they were thus talking, Carus with his sons [Carinus and Numerian] would have entered, had not Nemesis repulsed them. Diocletian, accompanied by the two Maximians and my grandfather Constantius, then approached, magnificently dressed. These, though they held each other by the hand, did not walk on a line with Diocletian. Three others also sur rounded him in the manner of a chorus ; but when, like har bingers, they would have preceded him, he forbade them, not thinking himself entitled to any distinction. Transferring only to them a burthen which he had borne on his own shoul ders, he walked with much greater ease. Admiring their union, the gods assigned them a seat superior to any. But Maximian behaving with imprudence and haughtiness, Silenus, though he did not think him worthy of ridicule, would not admit him into the society of the emperors. And, besides, he was not only addicted to all kinds of lasciviousness, but by his impertinent officiousness and perfidy often interrupted the harmonious con cert. Nemesis, therefore, soon banished him, and whither he went I know not, as I forgot to ask Mercury.
To this most melodious tetrachord, a harsh, disagreeable, and discordant sound succeeded. Two of the candidates Neme sis would not suffer to approach even the door of the assembly. Licinius came thus far, but having been guilty of many crimes, he was repulsed by Minos. Constantine entered, and sat some time ; and near him sat his sons. As for Magnentius, he was refused admittance, because he had never done anything lauda ble, though many of his actions might appear brilliant. But the gods, perceiving that they did not flow from a good princi ple, dismissed him much afflicted.
In this manner was the banquet prepared. At the table of the gods nothing was wanting, for all things are theirs. But
that of the heroes Mercury thought imperfect, and
of the same opinion. Quirinus had long requested to intro duce another of his descendants. But Hercules said : " I will not suffer it, Quirinus. For why have you not invited my Alexander also to the feast ? If, therefore, Jupiter, you intend to enroll any of the heroes among us, send, I entreat you, for Alexander. When we are canvassing the merits of men, why
Jupiter was
218 THE CiESARS.
should the bravest be omitted ? " What the son of Alcmena proposed was approved by Jupiter. Alexander, therefore, en tered the assembly of heroes ; but neither Ca;sar nor any one else rose up to him ; so that he was obliged to take the seat which the eldest son of Severus had left vacant, he, for his frat ricide, having been expelled. Silenus, then scoffing at Quiri- nus, said, "Take care, or this one Greek will excel all your Romans. " " By Jove," replied Quirinus, " I think that many of them are, in every respect, his equals. My posterity indeed have so much admired him that of foreign generals they style and think him only great ; not that they deem him superior to their countrymen, or are void of national prejudice. But that we shall soon determine when we have brought their merits to
for his descendants.
After this, Jupiter asked the gods whether all should enter
the lists, or whether they should adopt the practice observed in wrestling, where whoever conquers him who has gained the most victories is deemed the only victor, even of those who have been vanquished by his antagonist, though they have not been his competitors ? This was generally approved, as a just determination. Mercury then proclaimed that Cajsar should advance first, Octavianus next, and Trajan third, those being the greatest warriors. Silence being commanded, Saturn, turn ing to Jupiter, expressed his surprise at seeing martial emper ors summoned to this contest, but no philosophers. " These," he said, "are equally dear to me. Call, therefore, and intro duce Marcus [Aurelius]. " He being summoned, advanced with a serious aspect, occasioned by the labors of his mind. His eyes were hollow, his brow was contracted, and his whole form displayed unstudied beauty ; for his hair was uncombed, his beard was long, his dress simple and economical, and by scanty nourishment his body was transparent and shining, like the purest light. When he was admitted within the sacred in- closure, Bacchus said, " King Saturn and Father Jupiter, can anything imperfect be allowed among the gods ? " No answer being returned, " Let us send, then," proceeded he, " for some lover of pleasure. " "But," replied Jupiter, "it is not lawful for any one to be admitted here who does not worship us. " "Let judgment, therefore," said Bacchus, "be pronounced on him in the vestibule. We will call, with your leave, a prince,
the test ! "
Saying this, Quirinus blushed, and seemed evidently anxious
THE CESARS. 219
not indeed unwarlike, but softened by pleasure and enjoyment. Let Constantine come as far as the vestibule. "
This being allowed (the mode of their contention having been previously settled), Mercury advised that every one should severally speak for himself, and that the gods should then give their votes. But of this Apollo disapproved, in sisting that the truth only, and not eloquence or the charms of oratory, ought to be discussed and examined by the gods. Jupiter, wishing to oblige all, and at the same time desirous to prolong the assembly, replied, "There can be no incon venience in directing each of them to speak by a certain measure of water, and afterwards we may interrogate them and scrutinize their thoughts. " Silenus jocosely added, "Take care, Neptune, or Trajan and Alexander, mistaking the water for nectar, will swallow it all, and so leave none for the rest. "
Neptune answered : " They were much more fond of your draughts, Silenus, than of mine. It behooves you, therefore, to be rather afraid of your own vines than of my springs. " Sile nus was chagrined, and made no reply, but afterwards attended solely to the disputants. Mercury then proclaimed : —
" The arbiter of prizes due
To signal merit now begins.
Delay no longer, Time exhorts,
But lend your ears to what the voice Of herald Mercury proclaims.
Ye kings, to whose superior sway
Of old submissive nations bowed,
Who launched in fight the hostile spear, Advance, contend, with prudent minds Oppose your rivals, and await
The just, the impartial will of Heaven ! Wisdom these think the end of life, Those, vengeance on their foes to wreak, And serve their friends : of life, of toil, Pleasure some make the single view, Feasts, nuptials, all that feeds their eyes : From dainty ornaments of dress,
Or rings, with precious gems adorned, Others superior bliss derive.
Jove will the victory decree. "
Mercury having made this proclamation, the combatants drew lots : and the lot happened to concur with the love of
220 THE C^SARS.
preeminence habitual to Caesar. This augmented his pride and arrogance ; so that Alexander would have declined the contest, had he not been encouraged and persuaded by Her cules. Alexander obtained the next turn of speaking after Caesar. When all the rest had had their proper turns assigned them, Caesar thus began : —
" It was my good fortune, O Jupiter and ye gods, to be born, after many heroes, in that illustrious city which has extended her dominion farther than any other; so that they all may be satisfied if they obtain the second place. For what other city, deducing its origin from three thousand men, has in less than six hundred years carried its conquests to the utmost extremities of the earth ? What other nation has produced so many distinguished warriors and legislators, or such devout worshipers of the gods ? Born in a city so renowned, I sur passed, by my actions, not only my contemporaries, but all the heroes that ever lived. Of my own countrymen I know not one that will deny me the superiority. But as this Grecian is so presumptuous, which of his actions will he pretend to put in competition with mine ? His Persian trophies perhaps, as if he knew not how many I won from Pompey. And who was the most experienced general, Pompey or Darius ? Which of them commanded the bravest troops ? Instead of the refuse of mankind, Pompey had in his army more warlike nations than were ever subject to Darius ; of Europeans, those who had often routed the hostile Asiatics, and of them the most valiant : Italians, Illyrians, and Gauls. Having mentioned the Gauls, can the Getic exploits of Alexander be compared with
I twice
my conquest of Gaul ! He passed the Danube once ;
passed the Rhine ; and of my German victories no one can dispute the glory. I fought with Ariovistus. I was the first Roman who dared to cross the German Ocean. Though it was a wonderful achievement, however it may be admired, more glorious was my intrepidity in being the first who leaped on shore. Of the Helvetic and Hibernian nations I say nothing; nor have I mentioned my actions in Gaul, where I took above three hundred towns and defeated two millions of men. Great as these actions were, that which followed was greater and more illustrious. Being obliged to wage war with my fellow- citizens, I vanquished the unconquered and invincible Romans. If we should be judged by the number of our battles, I fought
THE C. ESARS.
221
thrice as many as are ascribed to Alexander by his greatest panegyrists ; if by the number of towns taken, not in Asia only, but also in Europe, I reduced more. Alexander saw and revered Egypt ; I, while I feasted there, subdued it. Will you also compare the clemency of each of us, when victorious ? I pardoned my enemies, and received from them such a return as Nemesis has revenged. He never spared his enemies nor even his friends. In particular, as you dispute the pre eminence, and will not immediately yield to me, like the rest, you compel me to mention your cruel behavior to the The- bans. On the contrary, how great was my humanity to the Helvetii ! The cities of the former were burnt by you ; the cities of the latter, burnt by their own inhabitants, were re built by me. Which, in short, was most illustrious; your defeating ten thousand Greeks, or my repulsing the attacks of a hundred and fifty thousand Romans ? Much more could I add, both of Alexander and myself; but as I never had leisure to study the art of oratory, you must excuse me, and, forming a just and impartial judgment both from what I have said and what I have omitted, will, I doubt not, give me the superiority. "
"How long, O Jupiter and ye gods, shall I silently bear the insolence of this boaster ! He sets no bounds, you see, to his praise of himself or to his abuse of me. Much better would it have become him to have abstained equally from both, as both are alike intolerable, but chiefly that of depre ciating my conduct, which he made the example of his own. Such is his assurance that he has dared to ridicule his own model. You should have recollected, Caesar, the tears which you shed on hearing of the memorials that were raised in honor of my deeds. But you afterwards owed your eleva tion to Pompey, who, though he was really insignificant, was idolized by his countrymen. As to his African triumph, no great exploit, his fame was owing to the weakness and in activity of the consuls. The Servile War was not waged with men, but with the most abandoned slaves, and it was conducted by Crassus and Lucius, though Pompey had the name and the
Caesar thus concluded ; but seeming desirous of saying still more. Alexander, who before had with difficulty restrained himself, could refrain no longer, but with much anxiety and emotion, thus began : —
THE C^SARS.
reputation. Armenia and the neighboring provinces were conquered by Lucullus ; yet for these also Pompey triumphed. He was then flattered by his fellow-citizens, and named the Great. But than whom of his predecessors was he greater? Which of his actions is comparable to those of Marius, or of the two Scipios ? or of Camillus, who was almost as much the founder of Rome as this Quirinus, having rebuilt his city when it was almost falling ? For they did not arrogate to themselves the works of others, as is usual in buildings founded and finished at the public expense, where the magistrate who has only plas tered the walls, on completing the edifice inscribes the founda tion stone. But these heroes, as public artificers and architects, have justly immortalized their own names. It is no wonder, therefore, that you vanquished Pompey, scratching his head and more resembling a fox than a lion. When he was de serted by fortune, who had long favored him, you easily conquered him single. But that your success was owing to no superior abilities is evident ; for being in want of provisions (which, you know, is no small fault of a general), you fought and were defeated. And if Pompey, by his imprudence or folly, or because he could not govern his army, when he should have protracted the war, gave battle, and did not pursue his victory, his failure was the consequence of his own misconduct, not of your military skill. The Persians, on the contrary, though in every respect well prepared and amply provided, submitted to my dominion. And as it becomes a good man and a wise prince to act not only with moderation, but with justice, I took arms to revenge the Greeks on the Persians and to free Greece from civil war. Nor was it ever my intention to ravage Greece, but those only who would have prevented my march against Persia I chastised. You, after subduing the Gauls and Germans, turned your arms against your own country. What can be worse, what more infamous ?
"You have mentioned, with a sneer, 'my defeating ten thousand Greeks. ' That you yourself sprang from the Greeks, and that the Greeks inhabited the greatest part of Italy, I well know ; but on this I will not insist. With a small nation of them, the ^Etolians, your neighbors, you thought it of great consequence to make an alliance ; but after they had fought for you, why did you reduce them, and that not easily, to subjec tion ? If then, in the old age, as it has been called, of Greece,
THE CiESAftS. 223
you could scarce reduce, not the whole, but one small nation, which was scarce known when Greece was in her vigor, what would have been the event if you had been obliged to contend with Greece when nourishing and united? How much you were alarmed by the invasion of Pyrrhus, you need not be re minded. As you think the conquest of Persia such a trifle, and depreciate an enterprise so glorious, tell me why, after a war of above two thousand years [tic'], you have never subdued a small province beyond the Tigris, subject to the Parthians ? Shall I inform you ? The darts of the Persians prevented you. An tony, who served under your command, can give you an account of them. But in less than ten years I conquered both Persia and India. After this, do you dare to contend with me, who, trained to war from my childhood, performed such deeds that the remembrance of them, though they have not been sufficiently celebrated by historians, will live for ever, like those of the in
vincible Hercules, of whom I was the follower and imitator ? I rivaled, in short, my ancestor Achilles ; and, admiring Her cules, I trod in his steps as nearly as a mortal can follow a god. Thus much, O ye gods, it was necessary for me to say in my own defense against an opponent whom, perhaps, it might have been better to have silently despised. If I was guilty of any cruelties, the innocent were not the objects, but such as had frequently and notoriously offended, and had made no proper use of their opportunities. And my offenses even against them were followed by Repentance, a very wise goddess, and the pre server of those who have erred. As for my chastising the am bitious, who always hated and had often injured me, in that I thought myself excusable. "
This military harangue being concluded, the attendant of Neptune gave the hourglass to Octavianus, measuring to him a very small quantity of water, and at the same time reminding him of his insolence to that deity. On which, having reflected with his usual sagacity, omitting to say anything of others, he thus began : —
"Instead of depreciating the actions of others, O Jupiter and ye gods, I will confine my whole speech to what concerns myself. In my youth I had the government of my native city, like this illustrious Alexander. The German wars, like my father Caesar, I happily concluded. Involved in civil dissen sions, I subdued Egypt at Actium in a sea-fight. I defeated
224 THE CjESARS.
Brutus and Cassius at Philippi, and I made the son of Pompey contribute to my glory. Such, however, was my attachment to philosophy, that instead of being disgusted at the freedom assumed by Athenodorus, I pleaded with it, and revered him as a preceptor, or rather as a parent. Areus also was my friend and confidant. And, upon the whole, I was never guilty of the least offense against philosophy. As Rome, I saw, had been frequently reduced to the last extremity by intestine divisions, I so reestablished her affairs as to render them, by your assist ance, O ye gods, firm and adamantine. Without indulging an insatiable ambition, I studiously endeavored to enlarge her do minions ; but I concurred with nature in fixing the rivers Dan ube and Euphrates as their boundaries. After having subdued the Scythians and Thracians, I did not employ the long reign with which you indulged me in meditating war after war, but devoted my leisure to the correction of the evils which war had occasioned, and to legislation, in which, I apprehend, I did not consult the public welfare less than my predecessors ; nay, if I must boldly speak the truth, I consulted it more than any who have governed such an empire. For some who have commanded armies, when they might at length have rested in peace, have made one war the pretense for another, as the litigious contrive lawsuits. Others, when forced into a war, have been immersed in pleasure, and have preferred the most infamous pursuits, not only to their glory, but even to their lives. Well weighing all these things, I do not think myself entitled to the lowest place. But it becomes me to acquiesce in whatever you, O ye gods, may please to determine. "
Trajan was appointed to harangue next. Though he had a talent for speaking, such was his indolence, that he usually employed Sura to compose his orations. Bawling, rather than speaking, he displayed to the gods his Getic and Parthian tro phies. He then lamented his old age, as if that had prevented him from extending his Parthian conquests. " You fool," said Silenus, " you reigned twenty years, and this Alexander only twelve. Why, then, do you not condemn your own indolence, instead of throwing the blame on want of time ? " Provoked at this taunt, for he was not deficient in eloquence, though it was often blunted by intemperance, Trajan added : —
" O Jupiter and ye gods, when I assumed the reins of gov ernment, I found the empire in a torpid and divided state,
THE CjESARS. 225
occasioned partly by the tyranny which had long prevailed at home, and partly by the insults of the Getes abroad. I did not hesitate, however, singly to attack the nations beyond the Dan ube. That of the Getes I subdued and extirpated ; of all the most warlike, not only by their bodily strength, but by the courage with which they are inspired by the doctrine of their renowned Zamolxis. For the firm persuasion that they shall not perish, but only change their place of abode, makes them always prepared as for a journey. This enterprise I completed in less than five years. Of all the emperors who preceded me, not one was so mild to his subjects, nor can that be contested with me even with this Caesar, before unrivaled in clemency, nor by any other. The Parthians, till they insulted me, I thought it unjust to attack ; but after they had insulted me, neither my age nor the laws which allowed me to quit the serv ice prevented my invading them. Thus circumstanced, am not I, who was eminently mild to my subjects and formidable to my enemies, and who revered my divine daughter, Philos ophy, justly entitled to superior honors, and even to the first rank ? "
Trajan having concluded, it was allowed that he excelled all in clemency, a virtue particularly pleasing to the gods.
Marcus Aurelius then beginning to speak, Silenus said, in a low voice to Bacchus, " Let us hear which of his wonderful paradoxes and aphorisms this Stoic will produce. " But he, fixing his eyes on Jupiter and the other gods, thus addressed them : —
"I have no occasion, O Jupiter and ye gods, to harangue or dispute. If you were ignorant of my actions, it would be proper for me to acquaint you with them, but as you are privy to them, and nothing is concealed from you, you will honor me as I deserve. "
Thus Marcus, as in everything else, seemed worthy of admi ration for his extraordinary prudence in the knowing when to speak and when to be silent.
Constantine was then summoned to speak. He entered the lists with confidence ; but when he reflected on the actions of his competitors, his own seemed trivial and inconsiderable. He defeated, it is true, two tyrants ; one of them unwarlike and pusillanimous, the other unfortunate and advanced in years, and both of them odious to gods and men. As for his exploits
VOL. VII. —16
226 THE CJSSARS.
against the barbarians, they were ridiculous. For he, in a man ner, paid them tribute, to indulge his love of pleasure. He stood, therefore, at a distance from the gods, near the entrance of the moon, of whom he was enamored, and gazing only on her, was regardless of victory. "
In these
However, as it was necessary for him to speak : particulars," said he, " I am superior to my opponents ; to the Macedonian, in having fought against the Romans, Germans, and Scythians, instead of Asiatic barbarians ; to Caesar and Octavianus, in not having vanquished, like them, good and virtuous citizens, but the most cruel and wicked tyrants. To Trajan, also, for my strenuous exertions against tyrants, I deserve no less to be preferred. To recover the province which he conquered seems to me equally meritorious ; perhaps to regain is more laudable than to gain. As to this Marcus, he, by saying nothing for himself, yields us all the precedency. "
" But, Constantino," said Silenus, " why do you not mention, among your great works, the gardens of Adonis? " "What mean you," replied Constantine, " by the gardens of Adonis ? " " Pots," answered Silenus, " filled with earth, in which women sow herbs in honor of that lover of Venus. They flourish for a short time, but soon fade. " At this Constantine blushed, knowing it to be intended as a sarcasm on his own actions.
Silence being proclaimed, it was expected that the gods would immediately have determined the preeminence by their votes. But they thought it proper first to examine the inten tions of the candidates, and not merely to collect them from their actions, in which Fortune had the greatest share ; and that goddess being present, loudly reproached them all, Octa vianus alone excepted, who, she said, had always been grateful to her. Of this the gods apprised Mercury, and commanded him to begin with asking Alexander "what he thought the highest excellence, and what was his principal view in all the great actions and labors of his life ? " He replied, " Universal conquest. " " "And in this," said Mercury, "did you think you succeeded ? " Certainly," answered Alexander. Silenus added, with a sneering laugh, " You forgot that you were often con quered by my daughters," meaning vines ; and ridiculing Alexan der for his intemperance. Alexander, well versed in Peripatetic aphorisms, replied, " Things inanimate cannot conquer. There can be no contention with them, but only with men or animals. "
THE CAESARS.
227
At this, Silenus ironically expressing his admiration, exclaimed : " Alas ! how great are the subterfuges of logicians ! But in what class will you rank yourself, — among things inanimate, or among the animate and living? " Alexander, with some dis pleasure, replied : " Be less severe : such was my magnanimity that I was convinced that I should be, nay, that I was, a god. " " You allow, then," said Silenus, " that you were often con quered by yourself, when anger, grief, or some other passion debased and debilitated your mind. " "But," answered Alex ander, "for any one to conquer himself, and to be conquered by himself, are synonymous. I am talking of my victories over others. " "Fie upon your logic! " returned Silenus, "how it detects my sophistry ! But when you were wounded in India, and Peucestes lay near you, and you, almost breathless, were carried out of the city, were you conquered by him who wounded
you, or did you conquer him ? "
replied Alexander, " but I also destroyed the city. " " Not you, indeed, you immortal," said Silenus; "you lay like Homer's Hector, languid, and almost expiring ; others fought and con quered. " "True," answered Alexander, "but under my com mand. " "How could they obey you," said Silenus, "who were carried out almost dead ? "
He then sung these verses of Euripides : —
" Unjust the Grecian reckoning : the troops The battle gain, their chiefs the victory. "
"Say no more, my dear father," said Bacchus, "lest he should treat you as he treated Clitus. " At this Alexander blushed, wept, and was silent.
This discourse ended, Mercury thus interrogated Caesar, "What, Caesar, was the principal view of your life? " "To excel my contemporaries," he replied, " and neither to be, or to be thought, second to any. " "This," said Mercury, "is not quite clear. In what did you particularly wish to excel, — in wisdom or eloquence, in military skill or political abilities? " " In everything," answered Caesar. " I was desirous of being the first of men ; but as that was impossible, I endeavored to be the most powerful of my fellow-citizens. " " And had you much power among them ? " said Silenus. " Certainly," replied Caesar, " for I became their governor. " " That," returned Silenus, " you
"I not only conquered him,"
228 THE CESARS.
might be ; but you could never gain their love, though for that purpose you dissembled much humanity, acting a part like
a player, and meanly flattering all men. " " What ! " said Caesar : " was "I not loved by the people who persecuted Brutus and Cassius? " That," replied Silenus, "was not because they had murdered you ; for on that account the people made them consuls : but for the sake of your money, and finding that no small reward was given to those who should be their enemies. "
This discourse also being concluded, Mercury thus accosted Octavianus : " Will you also tell us what was your principal view? " He replied, " To reign well. " " What means that ? " said Silenus. " Explain, Augustus, as this is pretended even by the wicked. Even Dionysius thought that he reigned well; and so did the still more abandoned Agathocles. " " You know then," replied Octavianus, " ye gods, that when I parted with my grandson, I prayed you to give him the courage of Caesar, the conduct of Pompey, and my good fortune. " " Many statues of gods," said Silenus, " most curiously carved, of gods of great merit, have been sent us by this statuary. " " Why," answered Octavianus, " do you give me that ridiculous appellation ? " "As nymphs are carved," he replied, "have not you"formed gods, one of whom, and the principal, is this Caesar ? Octavianus blushed and said no more.
Mercury then, addressing himself to Trajan, asked what
end his actions had in view. " The same," he replied, those of Alexander, but with " more moderation. " " So
were conquered," said Silenus, by more ignoble passions.
was frequently subdued "by anger, you by the vilest and most disgraceful pleasures. " Plague on you ! " said Bacchus ; "your sarcasms prevent them speaking for themselves. A truce with your jokes, and consider now what you can find repre hensible in Marcus ; for he seems to me, in the sense of Simon- ides, perfect and faultless. " Then Mercury, turning toward Marcus, said, " And what, O sage, did you think the greatest happiness? " With a low voice and with great diffidence, he replied, " To imitate the gods. " This answer was immediately deemed highly noble and praiseworthy. Nor would Mercury question him any further, convinced that Marcus would always answer with equal propriety. In this opinion all the other gods concurred. Silenus only exclaimed : " By Bacchus, I will
not spare this sophist. Why did you formerly eat bread and drink wine, and not nectar and ambrosia, like us ? " " Not in
" as you He
THE C&SARS.
229
order to imitate the gods," replied he, "but to nourish my body; from a persuasion, whether true or false, that your bodies also require being nourished by the fumes of sacrifices. I did not, however, think that you were to be imitated in this, but in your minds. " Silenus, as much stunned at this as if he had been struck by a skillful boxer, replied : " This is somewhat plausible ; but tell me now, in what did " you formerly think that the imitation of the gods consisted ? Marcus answered, " In having as few wants and doing as much good as possible. " "What! had you no wants? " said Silenus. "As to myself," replied Marcus, "I had none; but my body, perhaps, had a few. " Marcus seeming in this also to have answered wisely, Silenus at last insisted on what he thought improper and unjust in the conduct of Marcus toward his wife and son, his enrolling her among the goddesses, and intrusting the empire to him. " In this also," said Marcus, " I imitated the gods, for I practiced that maxim of Homer : —
' The wife whom choice and passion both approve, Sure every wise and worthy man will love,'
And as to my son, I am justified in my behavior by that of Jupiter himself. I should long ago," said he to Mars, " have transfixed thee with a thunderbolt, if I had not loved thee because thou art my son. Besides, I never imagined that Com- modus would have proved so profligate. And though his youth, assailed on all sides by strong temptations, was hurried away by the worst, I intrusted the government to one not yet cor rupted. Afterwards, indeed, he became wicked. My tender ness, therefore, to my wife was copied from the example of the divine Achilles, and that to my son was in imitation of the supreme Jupiter ; and, besides, in both these I was guilty of no innovation. It is the general custom for sons to succeed to the inheritance of their fathers, and this is also the wish of all. Nor was I the first who decreed divine honors to a wife, there being many precedents. To have introduced it might, perhaps, have been unreasonable ; but to prevent the nearest relations from following the custom established by others, would be unjust. But I forget myself, and have been prolix in my apology to you, O Jupiter and ye gods, who know all things. Pardon me this indiscretion. "
When Marcus had finished his speech, Mercury interrogated Constantine, and asked him what good end he had in view.
230 THE OESARS.
" Having amassed great riches," he replied, " to disburse them liberally in the gratification of my own desires, and those of my friends. " At this, Silenus burst into a fit of long laughter, and said : "You now wish to pass for a banker ; but how can you forget your living like a cook or a hairdresser? This your hair and looks formerly proved, but now your words demon strate. " Thus severely sarcastic was Silenus.