Was all this but the preface to my
torment?
Ben Jonson - The Devil's Association
ts.
_
To get you entred. Then left my new _Play_,
To wait vpon you, here, to ? ee't confirm'd.
That I may ? ay, both to mine owne eyes, and eares, 120
Sen? es, you are my witne? ? e, ? ha' hath inioy'd
All helps that could be had, for loue, or money--
M^rs. FIT. To make a foole of her.
FIT. Wife, that's your malice,
The wickedne? ? e o' you nature to interpret
Your husbands kinde? ? e thus. But I'll not leaue; 125
Still to doe good, for your deprau'd affections:
Intend it. Bend this ? tubborne will; be great.
TAY. Good _Madame_, whom do they v? e in me? ? ages?
WIT. They comonly v? e their ? laues, _Madame_.
TAI. And do's your _Ladi? hip_.
Thinke that ? o good, _Madame_?
WIT. no, indeed, _Madame_; I, 130
Therein preferre the fa? hion of _England_ farre,
Of your young delicate Page, or di? creet V? her.
FIT. And I goe with your _Ladi? hip_, in opinion,
Directly for your Gentleman-v? her.
There's not a finer _Officer_ goes on ground. 135
WIT. If hee be made and broken to his place, once.
FIT. Nay, ? o I pre? uppo? e him.
WIT. And they are fitter
Managers too, Sir, but I would haue 'hem call'd
Our _E? cudero's_.
FIT. Good.
WIT. Say, I ? hould ? end
To your _Ladi? hip_, who (I pre? ume) has gather'd 140
All the deare ? ecrets, to know how to make
_Pa? tillos_ of the _Dutche? ? e_ of _Braganza_,
_Coquettas_, _Almoiauana's_, _Mantecada's_,
_Alcoreas_, _Mu? taccioli_; or ? ay it were
The _Peladore_ of _Isabella_, or _balls_ 145
Again? t the itch, or _aqua nanfa_, or _oyle_
Of _Ie? ? amine_ for gloues, of the _Marque? ? e Muja_:
Or for the head, and hayre: why, the? e are _offices_.
FIT. Fit for a gentleman, not a ? laue. They onely
Might aske for your _pineti_, _Spani? h_-cole, 150
To burne, and ? weeten a roome; but the _Arcana_
Of _Ladies_ Cabinets--
FIT. Should be el? e-where tru? ted.
Yo' are much about the truth. Sweet honoured _Ladies_,
_He enters him? elfe with the_ Ladies.
Let mee fall in wi' you. I'ha' my female wit,
As well as my male. And I doe know what ? utes 155
A _Lady_ of ? pirit, or a woman of fa? hion!
WIT. And you would haue your wife ? uch.
FIT. Yes, _Madame_, aerie,
Light; not to plaine di? hone? ty, I meane:
But, ? omewhat o' this ? ide.
WIT. I take you, Sir.
H'has rea? on _Ladies_. I'll not giue this ru? h 160
For any _Lady_, that cannot be hone? t
Within a thred.
TAY. Yes, _Madame_, and yet venter
As far for th'other, in her Fame--
WIT. As can be;
Coach it to _Pimlico_; daunce the _Saraband_; [151]
Heare, and talke bawdy; laugh as loud, as a larum; 165
Squeake, ? pring, do any thing.
EIT. In young company, _Madame_.
TAY. Or afore gallants. If they be braue, or _Lords_,
A woman is ingag'd.
FIT. I ? ay ? o, _Ladies_,
It is ciuility to deny vs nothing.
PVG. You talke of a _Vniuer? ity_! why, _Hell_ is 170
A Grammar-? choole to this!
_The_ Diuell _admires him_.
EIT. But then,
Shee mu? t not lo? e a looke on ? tuffes, or cloth, _Madame_.
TAY. Nor no cour? e fellow.
WIT. She mu? t be guided, _Madame_
By the clothes he weares, and company he is in;
Whom to ? alute, how farre--
FIT. I ha' told her this. 175
And how that bawdry too, vpo' the point,
Is (in it ? elfe) as ciuill a di? cour? e--
WIT. As any other affayre of fle? h, what euer.
FIT. But ? hee will ne'r be capable, ? hee is not
So much as comming, _Madame_; I know not how 180
She lo? es all her opportunities
With hoping to be forc'd. I'haue entertain'd
_He ? hews his_ Pug.
A gentleman, a younger brother, here,
Whom I would faine breed vp, her _E? cudero_,
Again? t ? ome expectation's that I haue, 185
And ? he'll not countenance him.
WIT. What's his name?
FIT. _Diuel_, o' _Darbi-? hire_.
EIT. Ble? ? e us from him!
TAY. _Diuell? _
Call him _De-uile_, ? weet _Madame_.
M^rs. FI. What you plea? e, _Ladies_.
TAY. _De-uile's_ a prettier name!
EIT. And ? ounds, me thinks,
As it came in with the _Conquerour_--
MAN. Ouer ? mocks! 190
What things they are? That nature ? hould be at lea? ure
Euer to make 'hem! my woing is at an end.
Manly _goes out with indignation_.
WIT. What can he do?
EIT. Let's heare him.
TAY. Can he manage?
FIT. Plea? e you to try him, _Ladies_. Stand forth, _Diuell_.
PVG.
Was all this but the preface to my torment? 195
FIT. Come, let their _Ladi? hips_ ? ee your honours.
EIT. O,
Hee makes a wicked leg.
TAY. As euer I ? aw!
WIT. Fit for a _Diuell_.
TAY. Good _Madame_, call him _De-uile_.
WIT. _De-uile_, what property is there mo? t required
I' your conceit, now, in the _E? cudero_? 200
_They begin their_ Catechi? me.
FIT. Why doe you not speake?
PVG. A ? etled di? creet pa? e, _Madame_.
WIT. I thinke, a barren head, Sir, Mountaine-like,
To be expos'd to the cruelty of weathers--
FIT. I, for his Valley is beneath the wa? te, _Madame_,
And to be fruitfull there, it is ? ufficient. 205
Dulne? ? e vpon you! Could not you hit this?
PVG. Good Sir--
_He ? trikes him. _
WIT. He then had had no barren head.
You daw him too much, in troth, Sir.
FIT. I mu? t walke
With the _French_ ? ticke, like an old vierger for you.
PVG. O, _Chiefe_, call mee to _Hell_ againe, and free mee. 210
_The_ Diuell _prayes_.
FIT. Do you murmur now?
PVG. Not I, S^r.
WIT. What do you take [152]
M^r. _Deuile_, the height of your employment,
In the true perfect _E? cudero_?
FIT. When?
What doe you an? wer?
PVG. To be able, _Madame_,
Fir? t to enquire, then report the working, 215
Of any _Ladies_ phy? icke, in ? weete phra? e.
WIT. Yes, that's an act of elegance, and importance.
But what aboue?
FIT. O, that I had a goad for him.
PVG. To find out a good _Corne-cutter_.
TAY. Out on him!
EIT. Mo? t barbarous!
FIT. Why did you doe this, now? 220
Of purpo? e to di? credit me? you damn'd _Diuell_.
PVG. Sure, if I be not yet, I ? hall be. All
My daies in _Hell_, were holy-daies to this!
TAY. 'Tis labour lo? t, _Madame_?
EIT. H'is a dull fellow
Of no capacity!
TAI. Of no di? cour? e! 225
O, if my _Ambler_ had beene here!
EIT. I, _Madame_;
You talke of a man, where is there ? uch another?
WIT. M^r. _Deuile_, put ca? e, one of my _Ladies_, heere,
Had a fine brach: and would imploy you forth
To treate 'bout a conuenient match for her. 230
What would you ob? erue?
PVG. The color, and the ? ize, _Madame_.
WIT. And nothing el? e?
FIT. The Moon, you calfe, the Moone!
WIT. I, and the Signe.
TAI. Yes, and receits for pronene? ? e.
WIT. Then when the _Puppies_ came, what would you doe?
PVG. Get their natiuities ca? t!
WIT. This's wel. What more? 235
PVG. Con? ult the _Almanack-man_ which would be lea? t?
Which cleanelie? t?
WIT. And which ? ilente? t? This's wel, _madame_!
WIT. And while ? he were with puppy?
PVG. Walke her out,
And ayre her euery morning!
WIT. Very good!
And be indu? trious to kill her fleas? 240
PVG. Yes!
WIT. He will make a pretty proficient.
PVG. Who,
Comming from _Hell_, could looke for ? uch Catechi? ing?
The _Diuell_ is an _A? ? e_. I doe acknowledge it.
FIT. The top of woman! All her ? exe in ab? tract!
Fitz-dottrel _admires_ Wittipol.
I loue her, to each ? yllable, falls from her. 245
TAI. Good _madame_ giue me leaue to goe a? ide with him!
And try him a little!
WIT. Do, and I'll with-draw, _Madame_,
VVith this faire _Lady_: read to her, the while.
TAI. Come, S^r.
PVG. Deare _Chiefe_, relieue me, or I peri? h.
_The_ Diuel _praies again_.
WIT. _Lady_, we'll follow. You are not iealous Sir? 250
FIT. O, _madame_! you ? hall ? ee. Stay wife, behold,
I giue her vp heere, ab? olutely, to you,
She is your owne. Do with her what you will!
_He giues his wife to him, taking him to be a_ Lady.
Melt, ca? t, and forme her as you ? hall thinke good!
Set any ? tamp on! I'll receiue her from you 255
As a new thing, by your owne ? tandard!
To get you entred. Then left my new _Play_,
To wait vpon you, here, to ? ee't confirm'd.
That I may ? ay, both to mine owne eyes, and eares, 120
Sen? es, you are my witne? ? e, ? ha' hath inioy'd
All helps that could be had, for loue, or money--
M^rs. FIT. To make a foole of her.
FIT. Wife, that's your malice,
The wickedne? ? e o' you nature to interpret
Your husbands kinde? ? e thus. But I'll not leaue; 125
Still to doe good, for your deprau'd affections:
Intend it. Bend this ? tubborne will; be great.
TAY. Good _Madame_, whom do they v? e in me? ? ages?
WIT. They comonly v? e their ? laues, _Madame_.
TAI. And do's your _Ladi? hip_.
Thinke that ? o good, _Madame_?
WIT. no, indeed, _Madame_; I, 130
Therein preferre the fa? hion of _England_ farre,
Of your young delicate Page, or di? creet V? her.
FIT. And I goe with your _Ladi? hip_, in opinion,
Directly for your Gentleman-v? her.
There's not a finer _Officer_ goes on ground. 135
WIT. If hee be made and broken to his place, once.
FIT. Nay, ? o I pre? uppo? e him.
WIT. And they are fitter
Managers too, Sir, but I would haue 'hem call'd
Our _E? cudero's_.
FIT. Good.
WIT. Say, I ? hould ? end
To your _Ladi? hip_, who (I pre? ume) has gather'd 140
All the deare ? ecrets, to know how to make
_Pa? tillos_ of the _Dutche? ? e_ of _Braganza_,
_Coquettas_, _Almoiauana's_, _Mantecada's_,
_Alcoreas_, _Mu? taccioli_; or ? ay it were
The _Peladore_ of _Isabella_, or _balls_ 145
Again? t the itch, or _aqua nanfa_, or _oyle_
Of _Ie? ? amine_ for gloues, of the _Marque? ? e Muja_:
Or for the head, and hayre: why, the? e are _offices_.
FIT. Fit for a gentleman, not a ? laue. They onely
Might aske for your _pineti_, _Spani? h_-cole, 150
To burne, and ? weeten a roome; but the _Arcana_
Of _Ladies_ Cabinets--
FIT. Should be el? e-where tru? ted.
Yo' are much about the truth. Sweet honoured _Ladies_,
_He enters him? elfe with the_ Ladies.
Let mee fall in wi' you. I'ha' my female wit,
As well as my male. And I doe know what ? utes 155
A _Lady_ of ? pirit, or a woman of fa? hion!
WIT. And you would haue your wife ? uch.
FIT. Yes, _Madame_, aerie,
Light; not to plaine di? hone? ty, I meane:
But, ? omewhat o' this ? ide.
WIT. I take you, Sir.
H'has rea? on _Ladies_. I'll not giue this ru? h 160
For any _Lady_, that cannot be hone? t
Within a thred.
TAY. Yes, _Madame_, and yet venter
As far for th'other, in her Fame--
WIT. As can be;
Coach it to _Pimlico_; daunce the _Saraband_; [151]
Heare, and talke bawdy; laugh as loud, as a larum; 165
Squeake, ? pring, do any thing.
EIT. In young company, _Madame_.
TAY. Or afore gallants. If they be braue, or _Lords_,
A woman is ingag'd.
FIT. I ? ay ? o, _Ladies_,
It is ciuility to deny vs nothing.
PVG. You talke of a _Vniuer? ity_! why, _Hell_ is 170
A Grammar-? choole to this!
_The_ Diuell _admires him_.
EIT. But then,
Shee mu? t not lo? e a looke on ? tuffes, or cloth, _Madame_.
TAY. Nor no cour? e fellow.
WIT. She mu? t be guided, _Madame_
By the clothes he weares, and company he is in;
Whom to ? alute, how farre--
FIT. I ha' told her this. 175
And how that bawdry too, vpo' the point,
Is (in it ? elfe) as ciuill a di? cour? e--
WIT. As any other affayre of fle? h, what euer.
FIT. But ? hee will ne'r be capable, ? hee is not
So much as comming, _Madame_; I know not how 180
She lo? es all her opportunities
With hoping to be forc'd. I'haue entertain'd
_He ? hews his_ Pug.
A gentleman, a younger brother, here,
Whom I would faine breed vp, her _E? cudero_,
Again? t ? ome expectation's that I haue, 185
And ? he'll not countenance him.
WIT. What's his name?
FIT. _Diuel_, o' _Darbi-? hire_.
EIT. Ble? ? e us from him!
TAY. _Diuell? _
Call him _De-uile_, ? weet _Madame_.
M^rs. FI. What you plea? e, _Ladies_.
TAY. _De-uile's_ a prettier name!
EIT. And ? ounds, me thinks,
As it came in with the _Conquerour_--
MAN. Ouer ? mocks! 190
What things they are? That nature ? hould be at lea? ure
Euer to make 'hem! my woing is at an end.
Manly _goes out with indignation_.
WIT. What can he do?
EIT. Let's heare him.
TAY. Can he manage?
FIT. Plea? e you to try him, _Ladies_. Stand forth, _Diuell_.
PVG.
Was all this but the preface to my torment? 195
FIT. Come, let their _Ladi? hips_ ? ee your honours.
EIT. O,
Hee makes a wicked leg.
TAY. As euer I ? aw!
WIT. Fit for a _Diuell_.
TAY. Good _Madame_, call him _De-uile_.
WIT. _De-uile_, what property is there mo? t required
I' your conceit, now, in the _E? cudero_? 200
_They begin their_ Catechi? me.
FIT. Why doe you not speake?
PVG. A ? etled di? creet pa? e, _Madame_.
WIT. I thinke, a barren head, Sir, Mountaine-like,
To be expos'd to the cruelty of weathers--
FIT. I, for his Valley is beneath the wa? te, _Madame_,
And to be fruitfull there, it is ? ufficient. 205
Dulne? ? e vpon you! Could not you hit this?
PVG. Good Sir--
_He ? trikes him. _
WIT. He then had had no barren head.
You daw him too much, in troth, Sir.
FIT. I mu? t walke
With the _French_ ? ticke, like an old vierger for you.
PVG. O, _Chiefe_, call mee to _Hell_ againe, and free mee. 210
_The_ Diuell _prayes_.
FIT. Do you murmur now?
PVG. Not I, S^r.
WIT. What do you take [152]
M^r. _Deuile_, the height of your employment,
In the true perfect _E? cudero_?
FIT. When?
What doe you an? wer?
PVG. To be able, _Madame_,
Fir? t to enquire, then report the working, 215
Of any _Ladies_ phy? icke, in ? weete phra? e.
WIT. Yes, that's an act of elegance, and importance.
But what aboue?
FIT. O, that I had a goad for him.
PVG. To find out a good _Corne-cutter_.
TAY. Out on him!
EIT. Mo? t barbarous!
FIT. Why did you doe this, now? 220
Of purpo? e to di? credit me? you damn'd _Diuell_.
PVG. Sure, if I be not yet, I ? hall be. All
My daies in _Hell_, were holy-daies to this!
TAY. 'Tis labour lo? t, _Madame_?
EIT. H'is a dull fellow
Of no capacity!
TAI. Of no di? cour? e! 225
O, if my _Ambler_ had beene here!
EIT. I, _Madame_;
You talke of a man, where is there ? uch another?
WIT. M^r. _Deuile_, put ca? e, one of my _Ladies_, heere,
Had a fine brach: and would imploy you forth
To treate 'bout a conuenient match for her. 230
What would you ob? erue?
PVG. The color, and the ? ize, _Madame_.
WIT. And nothing el? e?
FIT. The Moon, you calfe, the Moone!
WIT. I, and the Signe.
TAI. Yes, and receits for pronene? ? e.
WIT. Then when the _Puppies_ came, what would you doe?
PVG. Get their natiuities ca? t!
WIT. This's wel. What more? 235
PVG. Con? ult the _Almanack-man_ which would be lea? t?
Which cleanelie? t?
WIT. And which ? ilente? t? This's wel, _madame_!
WIT. And while ? he were with puppy?
PVG. Walke her out,
And ayre her euery morning!
WIT. Very good!
And be indu? trious to kill her fleas? 240
PVG. Yes!
WIT. He will make a pretty proficient.
PVG. Who,
Comming from _Hell_, could looke for ? uch Catechi? ing?
The _Diuell_ is an _A? ? e_. I doe acknowledge it.
FIT. The top of woman! All her ? exe in ab? tract!
Fitz-dottrel _admires_ Wittipol.
I loue her, to each ? yllable, falls from her. 245
TAI. Good _madame_ giue me leaue to goe a? ide with him!
And try him a little!
WIT. Do, and I'll with-draw, _Madame_,
VVith this faire _Lady_: read to her, the while.
TAI. Come, S^r.
PVG. Deare _Chiefe_, relieue me, or I peri? h.
_The_ Diuel _praies again_.
WIT. _Lady_, we'll follow. You are not iealous Sir? 250
FIT. O, _madame_! you ? hall ? ee. Stay wife, behold,
I giue her vp heere, ab? olutely, to you,
She is your owne. Do with her what you will!
_He giues his wife to him, taking him to be a_ Lady.
Melt, ca? t, and forme her as you ? hall thinke good!
Set any ? tamp on! I'll receiue her from you 255
As a new thing, by your owne ? tandard!
