She pressed him to her heart,
and the tears prevented her from speaking.
and the tears prevented her from speaking.
Warner - World's Best Literature - v21 to v25 - Rab to Tur
Every time that he turned his head towards
her, he saw her eyes fixed on him with a sweetness and a humil-
ity that he had never seen there before.
"Wait! you do not know-wait, wait! " She stopped to col-
lect her thoughts. "Yes," she began again, "yes, yes, yes; this
is what I want to say. Do not be astonished. I am always the
same; but there is another being within me whom I fear: it is
she who loved him, him, and hated you; and I could not forget
what I had once been. Now I am myself,-entirely, really my-
self, and not another. I am dying, I know that I am dying; ask
him if I am not. I feel it now; there are those terrible weights
on my hand and my feet and on my fingers. My fingers! they
are enormous; but all that will soon be over. One thing only
is indispensable to me: forgive me, forgive me wholly! I am a
sinner; but Serozha's nurse told me that there was a holy mar-
tyr-what was her name? - who was worse than I. I will go
to Rome; there is a desert there. I shall not trouble anybody
there. I will only take Serozha and my little daughter. No, you
cannot forgive me; I know very well that it is impossible. Go
away, go away! you are too perfect! "
## p. 14999 (#583) ##########################################
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She held him with one of her burning hands, and pushed him
away with the other.
Aleksei Aleksandrovitch's emotion became so great that he
could no longer control himself. He suddenly felt his emotions
change to a moral reconciliation, which seemed like a new and.
unknown happiness. He had not believed that the Christian
law, which he had taken for a guide in life, ordered him to for-
give and love his enemies; and yet his soul was filled with love
and forgiveness. Kneeling beside the bed, he laid his forehead
on her arm,—the fever of which burned through the sleeve,-
and sobbed like a child. She bent towards him, placed her arm
around her husband's bald head, and raised her eyes defiantly.
"There, I knew that it would be so. Now farewell, farewell
to all! They are coming back again. Why don't they go away?
Da! take off all these furs from me! "
The doctor laid her back gently on her pillows, and drew the
covering over her arms. Anna made no resistance, looking all
the while straight before her with shining eyes.
"Remember that I have only asked your pardon: I ask
nothing more. Why doesn't he come? " she said, suddenly look-
ing towards the door, towards Vronsky. "Come! come here, and
give him your hand. "
Vronsky came to the side of the bed, and when he saw Anna
he hid his face in his hands.
"Uncover your face: look at him,- he is a saint," said she.
"Uncover your face! look at him! " she repeated in an irritated
manner. "Aleksei Aleksandrovitch, uncover his face: I want to
see him. "
Alekséi Aleksandrovitch took Vronsky's hands and uncovered
his face, disfigured by suffering and humiliation.
"Give him your hand; forgive him. "
Aleksei Aleksandrovitch held out his hand to him, without try-
ing to keep back the tears.
"Thank the Lord! thank the Lord! " said she; "now every-
thing is right. I will stretch out my feet a little, like that; that
is better. How ugly those flowers are! they do not look like
violets," she said, pointing to the hangings in her room. "Bozhe
moi! Bozhe moi! when will this be over? Give me some mor-
phine, doctor; some morphine. Bozhe moi! Bozhe moï! » And
she tossed about on the bed.
## p. 15000 (#584) ##########################################
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The doctors said that in this fever there was not one chance
in a hundred of her living. She passed the day delirious and
unconscious. Towards midnight her pulse became very low: the
end was expected every moment.
Vronsky went home, but he came back the next morning to
learn how she was. Alekséi Aleksandrovitch came to meet him
in the reception-room, and said to him, "Stay here: perhaps she
will ask for you. " Then he took him to his wife's boudoir him-
self. In the morning the restlessness, the rapidity of thought
and speech, returned; but soon unconsciousness intervened again.
The third day was much the same, and the doctors began to
hope. On this day Alekséi Aleksandrovitch went into the bou-
doir where Vronsky was, closed the door, and sat down in front
of him.
"Aleksei Aleksandrovitch," said Vronsky, feeling that an
explanation was to be made, "I cannot speak,-I cannot think.
Have pity on me! Whatever may be your suffering, believe that
mine is still more terrible. "
He was going to rise; but Alekséi Aleksandrovitch prevented
him, and said, "Pray listen to me: it is unavoidable. I am forced
to explain to you the feelings that guide me, that you may avoid
making any mistake in regard to me. You know that I had
decided on a divorce, and that I had taken the preliminary steps
to obtain one? I will not deny that at first I was undecided;
I was in torment. I confess that I wanted to avenge myself.
When I received the telegram, and came home, I felt the same
desire. I will say more: I hoped that she would die. But"-
he was silent for a moment, considering whether he would.
wholly reveal his thoughts" but I have seen her: I have
forgiven her absolutely. The happiness I feel at being able to
forgive, clearly shows me my duty. I offer the other cheek
to the smiter: I give my last cloak to him who has robbed me.
I only ask one thing of God,-that he
me this joy of forgiving. "
will not take away from
Tears filled his eyes. Vronsky was amazed at the calm, lumi-
nous face.
"These are my feelings. You may drag me in the dust, and
make me the laughing-stock of creation; but I will not give up
Anna for that, nor will I utter a word of reproach to you,” con-
tinued Aleksei Aleksandrovitch. "My duty seems clear and
B
## p. 15001 (#585) ##########################################
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plain to me: I must remain with her; I shall remain with her.
If she wishes to see you, I shall inform you of it; but now I
think it will be better for you to go away. "
Karénin rose: sobs choked his voice. Vronsky rose too, and
standing with bowed head and humble attitude, looked up at
Karénin, without a word to say. He was incapable of under-
standing Alekséi Aleksandrovitch's feelings; but he felt that such
magnanimity was above him, and irreconcilable with his con-
ception of life.
ANNA AND HER SON
From 'Anna Karénina: translated by Nathan Haskell Dole. Copyright 1886,
by T. Y. Crowell & Co.
ANNA'S
NNA'S chief desire on her return to Russia was to see her
son. From the day that she left Italy she was filled with
this idea; and her joy increased in proportion as she drew
near Petersburg. She did not trouble herself with the question
how she should manage this meeting, which seemed to her of
such importance. It was a simple and natural thing, she thought,
to see her child once more, now that she was in the same town
with him; but since her arrival she suddenly realized her pres-
ent relation towards society, and found that the interview was not
easy to obtain.
She had been two days now in Petersburg, and never for an
instant had she forgotten her son; but she had not seen him.
To go straight to her husband's house, and risk coming face
to face with her husband, seemed to her impossible. They might
even refuse to admit her. To write to Alekséi Aleksandrovitch
and ask permission of him, seemed to her painful even to think
of. She could be calm only when she did not think of her hus-
band; and yet she could not feel contented to see her son at a
distance. She had too many kisses, too many caresses, to give
him.
1
Serozha's old nurse might have been an assistance to her,
but she no longer lived with Alekséi Aleksandrovitch.
On the third day, having learned of Alekséi Aleksandrovitch's
relations with the Countess Lidia Ivanovna, Anna decided to
write her a letter composed with the greatest care, in which she
## p. 15002 (#586) ##########################################
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15002
would tell her frankly that the permission to see her son de-
pended on her. She knew that if her husband found it out, he,
in his part of magnanimous man, would not refuse her.
answer.
It was a cruel blow to have her messenger return without an
She had never felt so wounded, so humiliated; and yet
she had to acknowledge that the countess was right.
Her grief
was all the keener because she had to bear it alone. She could
not and did not wish to confide it to Vronsky. She knew that
though he was the chief cause of her unhappiness, he would look
upon her meeting with her son as of little account; and the mere
thought of the unsympathetic tone in which he would speak of
it made him seem odious to her. And the fear that she might
come to hate him was the worst of all. Therefore she made up
her mind to hide from him her action in regard to the child.
She stayed at home all day long, and racked her brain to
think of other ways of meeting her son; and finally she decided
upon the most painful of all,-to write directly to her husband.
Just as she was beginning her letter, Lidia Ivanovna's reply was
brought. She accepted it with silent resignation; but the un-
friendliness, the sarcasm, that she read between the lines, pierced
deep into her soul.
"What cruelty! What hypocrisy! " she said to herself. "They
want to insult me and torment the child. I will not let them do
She is worse than I am: at least I do not lie. "
So.
She immediately decided to go on the morrow, which was
Serozha's birthday, directly to her husband's house to see the
child, no matter what it cost in fees to the servants; and to put
an end to the ugly network of lies with which they were sur-
rounding the innocent child.
She went to a neighboring shop and purchased some toys;
and thus she formed her plan of action: She would start early in
the morning, before Alekséi Aleksandrovitch was up; she would
have the money in her hand all ready to bribe the Swiss and
the other servants to let her go up-stairs without raising her veil,
under the pretext of laying on Serozha's bed some presents sent
by his godfather. As to what she should say to her son, she
could not form the least idea; she could not make any prepara-
tion for that.
The next morning, at eight o'clock, Anna got out of her hired
carriage and rang the door-bell of her former home.
## p. 15003 (#587) ##########################################
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15003
"Go and see what is wanted. It's some baruina," said Kapi
tonuitch, in overcoat and galoshes, as he looked out of the win-
dow and saw a lady closely veiled standing on the porch. The
Swiss's assistant, a young man whom Anna did not know, had
scarcely opened the door before Anna thrust a three-ruble note
into his hand.
"Serozha-Sergéi Alekseievitch," she stammered; then she
went one or two steps down the hall.
The Swiss's assistant examined the note, and stopped the vis-
itor at the inner glass door.
"Whom do you wish to see? " he asked.
She did not hear his words, and made no reply.
Kapitonuitch, noticing the stranger's confusion, came out from
his office and asked her what she wanted.
"I come from Prince Skorodumof to see Sergéi Alekseie-
vitch. "
"He is not up yet," replied the Swiss, looking sharply at the
veiled lady.
Anna had never dreamed that she should be so troubled by
the sight of this house, where she had lived nine years. One
after another, sweet and cruel memories arose in her mind, and
for a moment she forgot why she was there.
"Will you wait? " asked the Swiss, helping her to take off her
shubka. When he saw her face, he recognized her, and bowed
profoundly. "Will your Ladyship be pleased to enter? " he said
to her.
She tried to speak; but her voice failed her, and with an en-
treating look at the old servant she rapidly flew up the stairs.
Kapitonuitch tried to overtake her, and followed after her, catch-
ing his galoshes at every step.
"Perhaps his tutor is not dressed yet: I will speak to him. "
Anna kept on up the stairs which she knew so well; but she
did not hear what the old man said.
"This way.
Excuse it if all is in disorder. He sleeps in
the front room now," said the Swiss, out of breath. "Will your
Ladyship be good enough to wait a moment? I will go and see. "
And opening the high door he disappeared.
Anna stopped and waited.
"He has just waked up," said the Swiss, coming back through
the same door.
## p. 15004 (#588) ##########################################
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And as he spoke, Anna heard the sound of a child yawning;
and merely by the sound of the yawn she recognized her son,
and seemed to see him alive before her.
"Let me go in-let me! " she stammered, and hurriedly
pushed through the door.
At the right of the door was a bed, and on the bed a child
was sitting up in his little open nightgown; his little body was
leaning forward, and he was just finishing a yawn and stretching
himself. His lips were just closing into a sleepy smile, and he
fell back upon his pillow still smiling.
"Serozha! " she murmured, as she went towards him.
Every time since their separation that she had felt an access
of love for the absent son, Anna looked upon him as still a child
of four, the age when he had been most charming. Now he no
longer bore any resemblance to him whom she had left; he had
grown tall and thin. How long his face seemed! How short his
hair! What long arms! How he had changed! But it was still
the same, the shape of his head, his lips, little slender neck, and
his broad shoulders.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
"Serozha! " she whispered in the child's ear.
He raised himself on his elbow, turned his frowzy head around,
and trying to put things together, opened wide his eyes. For
several seconds he looked with an inquiring face at his mother,
who stood motionless before him. Then he suddenly smiled with
joy; and with his eyes still half closed in sleep, he threw himself,
not back upon his pillow, but into his mother's arms.
"Serozha, my dear little boy! " she stammered, choking with
tears, and throwing her arms around his little body.
"Mamma! " he whispered, cuddling into his mother's arms, so
as to feel their encircling pressure. Smiling sleepily, he took his
hand from the head of the bed and put it on his mother's shoul-
der, and climbed into her lap,- having that warm breath of sleep
peculiar to children, and pressed his face to his mother's neck
and shoulders.
―――――――
"I knew," he said, opening his eyes: "to-day is my birthday;
I knew that you would come. I am going to get up now. "
And as he spoke he fell asleep again. Anna devoured him
with her eyes. She saw how he had changed during her absence.
She would scarcely have known his long legs coming below his
nightgown, his hollow cheeks, his short hair curled in the neck
## p. 15005 (#589) ##########################################
LYOF TOLSTOY
15005
where she had so often kissed it.
She pressed him to her heart,
and the tears prevented her from speaking.
"What are you crying for, mamma? " he asked, now entirely
awake. "What makes you cry? " he repeated, ready to weep
himself.
"I? I will not cry any more; it is for joy. It is all over
now," said she, drying her tears and turning around. "Nu! go
and get dressed," she added, after she had grown a little calmer,
but still holding Serozha's hand. She sat down near the bed,
on a chair which held the child's clothing. "How do you dress
without me? How she wanted to speak simply and gayly,
but she could not; and again she turned her head away.
"I don't wash in cold water any more,
papa has forbidden
it; but you have not seen Vasíli Lukitch? Here he comes. But
you are sitting on my things. " And Serozha laughed heartily.
She looked at him and smiled.
"Mamma! dúshenka, golúbtchika! " [dear little soul, darling]
he cried again, throwing himself into her arms, as though he
now better understood what had happened to him, as he saw her
smile.
--
――――
-
"Take it off," said he, pulling off her hat. And seeing her
head bare, he began to kiss her again.
«< What did you think of me? Did you believe that I was
dead? "
"I never believed it. "
"You believed me alive, my precious? "
"I knew it! I knew it! " he replied, repeating his favorite
phrase; and seizing the hand which was smoothing his hair, he
pressed the palm of it to his little mouth, and began to kiss it.
Vasíli Lukitch, meantime, not at first knowing who this lady
was, but learning from their conversation that it was Serozha's
mother, the woman who had deserted her husband, and whom
he did not know, as he had not come into the house till after
her departure,- was in great perplexity.
was in great perplexity. Ought he to tell Al-
ekséi Aleksandrovitch? On mature reflection he came to the
conclusion that his duty consisted in going to dress Serozha at
the usual hour, without paying any attention to a third person-
his mother or any one else. But as he reached the door and
opened it, the sight of the caresses between the mother and child
the sound of their voices and their words- made him change
his mind. He shook his head, sighed, and quietly closed the
-
## p. 15006 (#590) ##########################################
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LYOF TOLSTOY
door. "I will wait ten minutes longer," he said to himself,
coughing slightly, and wiping his eyes.
There was great excitement among the servants: they all
knew that the baruina had come, and that Kapitonuitch had let
her in, and that she was in the child's room; they knew too that
their master was in the habit of going to Serozha every morning
at nine o'clock: each one felt that the husband and wife ought
not to meet, that it must be prevented.
Kornéi, the valet, went down to the Swiss to ask why Anna
had been let in; and finding that Kapitonuitch had taken her
up-stairs, he reprimanded him severely. The Swiss maintained an
obstinate silence till the valet declared that he deserved to lose
his place, when the old man jumped at him, and shaking his fist
in his face, said:-
_______
"Da! Vot, you would not have let her in yourself? You've
served here ten years, and had nothing but kindness from her,
but you would have said, 'Now go away from here! ' You know
what policy is, you sly dog. What you don't forget is to rob
your master, and to carry off his raccoon-skin shubas! »
"Soldier! " replied Kornéi scornfully, and he turned towards
the nurse, who was coming in just at this moment. "What do
you think, Marya Yefimovna? He has let in Anna Arkadyevna,
without saying anything to anybody, and just when Aleksei Al-
eksandrovitch, as soon as he is up, will be going to the nursery. "
"What a scrape! what a scrape! " said the nurse. "But, Kor-
néi Vasilyevitch, find some way to keep your master, while I run
to warn her and get her out of the way. What a scrape! "
When the nurse went into the child's room, Serozha was
telling his mother how Nádenka and he had fallen when sliding
down a hill of ice, and turned three somersaults. Anna was
listening to the sound of her son's voice, looking at his face,
watching the play of his features, feeling his little arms, but not
hearing a word that he said. She must go away, she must leave
him: this alone she understood and felt. She had heard Vasíli
Lukitch's steps, and his little discreet cough, as he came to the
door- and now she heard the nurse coming in; but unable to
move or to speak, she remained as fixed as a statue.
"Baruina! Golúbtchika! " [mistress, darling] said the nurse,
coming up to Anna, and kissing her hands and her shoulders.
"God sent this joy for our birthday celebration! You are not
changed at all. "
T
[
## p. 15007 (#591) ##########################################
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15007
"Ach! nyanya [nurse], my dear: I did not know that you
were in the house," said Anna, coming to herself.
"I don't live here; I live with my daughter. I came to give
my best wishes to Serozha, Anna Arkadyevna, golúbtchika. "
The nurse suddenly began to weep, and to kiss Anna's hand.
Serozha, with bright, joyful eyes, and holding his mother with
one hand and his nurse with the other, was dancing in his little
bare feet on the carpet. His old nurse's tenderness towards his
mother was delightful to him.
"Mamma, she often comes to see me; and when she comes
he began, but he stopped short when he perceived that the nurse
whispered something in his mother's ear, and that his mother's
face assumed an expression of fear, and at the same time of
shame.
-
>>>
Anna went to him.
"My precious! " she said.
She could not say the word "farewell" [proshcháï]; but the
expression of her face said it, and he understood.
"My precious, precious Kutik! " she said, calling him by a
pet name which she used when he was a baby. You will not
forget me; you. » but she could not say another word.
«<
Only then she began to remember the words which she
wanted to say to him; but now it was impossible to say them.
Serozha, however, understood all that she would have said: he
understood that she was unhappy, and that she loved him. He
even understood what the nurse whispered in her ear: he heard
the words "always at nine o'clock"; and he knew that they
referred to his father, and that his mother must not meet him.
He understood this, but one thing he could not understand:
why did her face express fear and shame ?
She was
not to blame, but she was afraid of him, and seemed ashamed
of something. He wanted to ask a question which would have
explained this circumstance, but he did not dare: he saw that she
was in sorrow, and he pitied her. He silently clung close to
her, and then he whispered, "Don't go yet! He will not come yet
awhile. "
·
His mother pushed him away from her a little, in order to
see if he understood the meaning of what he had said; and in
the frightened expression of his face she perceived that he not
only spoke of his father, but seemed to ask her how he ought
to think about him.
## p. 15008 (#592) ##########################################
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LYOF TOLSTOY
him: he is better than
When you have grown
"Serozha, my dear," she said, "love
I am; and I have been wicked to him.
up, you will understand. "
"No one is better than you," cried the child, with sobs of
despair; and clinging to his mother's shoulders, he squeezed her
with all the force of his little trembling arms.
"Dúshenka, my darling! " stammered Anna; and bursting into
tears, she sobbed like a child, even as he sobbed.
At this moment the door opened, and Vasíli Lukitch came
in. Steps were heard at the other door; and in a frightened
whisper he exclaimed, "He is coming," and gave Anna her hat.
Serozha threw himself on the bed, sobbing, and covered his
face with his hands. Anna took them away to kiss yet once
again his tear-stained cheeks; and then with quick steps hurried
from the room. Aleksei Aleksandrovitch met her at the door.
When he saw her he stopped and bowed his head.
Though she had declared a moment before that he was better
than she, the swift glance that she gave him-taking in his
whole person-awoke in her only a feeling of hatred and scorn
for him, and jealousy on account of her son. She hurriedly
lowered her veil, and quickening her step, almost ran from the
room. She had entirely forgotten in her haste the playthings
which, on the evening before, she had bought with so much love
and sadness; and she took them back with her to the hotel.
ANNA KILLS HERSELF
From Anna Karénina: translated by Nathan Haskell Dole. Copyrighted
1886, by T. Y. Crowell & Co.
"Not
ow I am myself again,-now my mind is clear," said Anna
to herself, as soon as the carriage started, and rolling a
little, flew swiftly along the uneven pavement.
"Da! what was that good thing that I was thinking about
last? Tiutkin the coiffeur? Oh no! not that. Oh yes! what
Yashvin said about the struggle for existence- and hatred, the
only thing that unites men. No: we go at hap-hazard. "
She saw in a carriage drawn by four horses a party of merry-
makers, who had evidently come to the city for a pleasure trip.
"What are you seeking under the disguise of pleasure? " she
thought. "You won't escape from yourselves;" and then, as her
## p. 15009 (#593) ##########################################
LYOF TOLSTOY
·
15009
eye fell on a drunken workman led by a policeman, she added,
"That man's way is quicker. Count Vronsky and I did not
reach this pleasure, though we expected much. "
And for the first time, Anna turned upon her relations with
the count this bright light which was suddenly revealing her life
to her.
"What did he seek in me? A satisfaction for his vanity,
rather than for his love! "
And she remembered Vronsky's words, and the expression of
his face, which reminded her of a submissive dog, when they
first met and loved. Everything seemed a confirmation of this
thought.
"Da! he cared for the triumph of success above everything.
Of course he loved me, but chiefly from vanity. Now that he is
not proud of me any more, it is over. He is ashamed of me.
He has taken from me all that he could take, and now I am
of no use to him. I weigh upon him, and he does not want to
be in dishonorable relationship with me. He said yesterday he
wanted the divorce, so as to burn his ships. Perhaps he loves
me still-but how? The zest is gone," she said, in English, as
she looked at a ruddy-faced man riding by on a hired horse.
"Da! there is nothing about me any longer to his taste. If I
leave him, he will rejoice in the bottom of his heart. "
This was not mere hypothesis: she saw things now clearly, as
by a sort of clairvoyance.
"My love has been growing more and more selfish and pas-
sionate; his has been growing fainter and fainter. That is why
we cannot go on together. He is all in all to me. I struggle
to draw him closer and closer to me, and he wants to fly from
me. Up to the time of our union, we flew to meet each other;
but now we move apart. He accuses me of being absurdly jeal-
- and I am; and yet I am not, either. I am not jealous, but
my love is no longer satisfied. But-" she opened her mouth
to speak, and in the excitement caused by the stress of her
thoughts, she changed her place in the carriage.
ous
―――――
"If I could, I would try to be a simple friend to him, and
not a passionate mistress, whom his coldness frenzies; but I can-
not transform myself. I am not mistaken. Don't I know that
he would not deceive me,- that he is no longer in love with
Kitty, that he has no intention of marrying the Princess Soro-
kina? I know it well, but it is none the easier for me. But
XXV-939
-
## p. 15010 (#594) ##########################################
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LYOF TOLSTOY
what is that to me? If he is tired of my love,- if, when he
does not feel for me just what I feel for him, I would a thou-
sand times rather have him hate me,- this is- hell! And this
is the case. He has long ceased to love me. When love ceases,
disgust begins. -I don't know these streets at all. What hosts
of houses! and in them, people, people,-no end of them! and
they all hate each other!
"Nu! what could happen to me. now that would give me
happiness again? Suppose that Alekséi Aleksandrovitch should
consent to the divorce, and would give me back Serozha, and
that I should marry Vronsky? " And as she thought of Alekséi
Aleksandrovitch, Anna could see him before her, with his dull,
lifeless, faded eyes, his white, blue-veined hands, and his cracking
joints; and the idea of their relation to one another, which had
hitherto been tinged with tenderness, made her shudder.
"Nu! Suppose I were married, would not Kitty still look
at me as she looked at me to-day? Would not Serozha ask and
wonder why I had two husbands? But between me and Vronsky
what new feeling could I imagine? Is it possible that our rela-
tions might be, if not pleasanter, at least no worse than they
are now? No, and no! " she replied, without the least hesitation.
"Impossible! We are growing apart; and I am disagreeable to
him, and he displeases me, and I cannot change him: every
means has been tried.
son.
"Da! there's a beggar with a child. She thinks she inspires
pity. Were we not thrown into the world to hate each other,
and to torment ourselves and everybody else? Here come the
schoolboys out to play! - Serozha ? " It reminded her of her
"I used to think that I loved him, and I was touched
by his gentleness. I also lived without him, gave him up for
my love, and was not sorry for the change, since I was contented
with him whom I loved. " And she remembered with disgust
what she called that love. And the clearness in which she now
saw her own life, as well as the lives of others, delighted her.
"Thus am I, and Piotr, and the coachman Feodor, and that
merchant, and all people from here to the Volga, wherever
these remarks are applicable- and everywhere and always," she
thought, as the carriage stopped in front of the low-roofed sta-
tion of the Nizhni Novgorod Railroad, and the porter came out
to meet her.
"Shall I book you for Obiralovki? " asked Piotr.
## p. 15011 (#595) ##########################################
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She had entirely forgotten why she had come, and only by a
great effort could she understand what he meant.
"Yes," she said, handing him her purse; and taking her little
red bag, she got out of the carriage.
As she entered with the throng, she reviewed all the details
of her situation and the plans between which she was halting.
And again hope and despair alternately filled her tortured, cruelly
palpitating heart. As she sat on the stelliform divan, she looked
with aversion on the people going and coming,-they were all
her enemies, and thought now of how, when she reached the
station, she would write to him, and what she would write, and
then how at this very moment he- not thinking of her suffer-
ing was complaining to his mother of his position, and how
she would go to his room, and what she would say to him. The
thought that she might yet live happily crossed her brain; and
how hard it was to love and hate him at the same time! And
above all, how her heart was beating, as if to burst its bounds!
A bell sounded, and some impudent young men of a flashy
and vulgar appearance passed before her.
her, he saw her eyes fixed on him with a sweetness and a humil-
ity that he had never seen there before.
"Wait! you do not know-wait, wait! " She stopped to col-
lect her thoughts. "Yes," she began again, "yes, yes, yes; this
is what I want to say. Do not be astonished. I am always the
same; but there is another being within me whom I fear: it is
she who loved him, him, and hated you; and I could not forget
what I had once been. Now I am myself,-entirely, really my-
self, and not another. I am dying, I know that I am dying; ask
him if I am not. I feel it now; there are those terrible weights
on my hand and my feet and on my fingers. My fingers! they
are enormous; but all that will soon be over. One thing only
is indispensable to me: forgive me, forgive me wholly! I am a
sinner; but Serozha's nurse told me that there was a holy mar-
tyr-what was her name? - who was worse than I. I will go
to Rome; there is a desert there. I shall not trouble anybody
there. I will only take Serozha and my little daughter. No, you
cannot forgive me; I know very well that it is impossible. Go
away, go away! you are too perfect! "
## p. 14999 (#583) ##########################################
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She held him with one of her burning hands, and pushed him
away with the other.
Aleksei Aleksandrovitch's emotion became so great that he
could no longer control himself. He suddenly felt his emotions
change to a moral reconciliation, which seemed like a new and.
unknown happiness. He had not believed that the Christian
law, which he had taken for a guide in life, ordered him to for-
give and love his enemies; and yet his soul was filled with love
and forgiveness. Kneeling beside the bed, he laid his forehead
on her arm,—the fever of which burned through the sleeve,-
and sobbed like a child. She bent towards him, placed her arm
around her husband's bald head, and raised her eyes defiantly.
"There, I knew that it would be so. Now farewell, farewell
to all! They are coming back again. Why don't they go away?
Da! take off all these furs from me! "
The doctor laid her back gently on her pillows, and drew the
covering over her arms. Anna made no resistance, looking all
the while straight before her with shining eyes.
"Remember that I have only asked your pardon: I ask
nothing more. Why doesn't he come? " she said, suddenly look-
ing towards the door, towards Vronsky. "Come! come here, and
give him your hand. "
Vronsky came to the side of the bed, and when he saw Anna
he hid his face in his hands.
"Uncover your face: look at him,- he is a saint," said she.
"Uncover your face! look at him! " she repeated in an irritated
manner. "Aleksei Aleksandrovitch, uncover his face: I want to
see him. "
Alekséi Aleksandrovitch took Vronsky's hands and uncovered
his face, disfigured by suffering and humiliation.
"Give him your hand; forgive him. "
Aleksei Aleksandrovitch held out his hand to him, without try-
ing to keep back the tears.
"Thank the Lord! thank the Lord! " said she; "now every-
thing is right. I will stretch out my feet a little, like that; that
is better. How ugly those flowers are! they do not look like
violets," she said, pointing to the hangings in her room. "Bozhe
moi! Bozhe moi! when will this be over? Give me some mor-
phine, doctor; some morphine. Bozhe moi! Bozhe moï! » And
she tossed about on the bed.
## p. 15000 (#584) ##########################################
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The doctors said that in this fever there was not one chance
in a hundred of her living. She passed the day delirious and
unconscious. Towards midnight her pulse became very low: the
end was expected every moment.
Vronsky went home, but he came back the next morning to
learn how she was. Alekséi Aleksandrovitch came to meet him
in the reception-room, and said to him, "Stay here: perhaps she
will ask for you. " Then he took him to his wife's boudoir him-
self. In the morning the restlessness, the rapidity of thought
and speech, returned; but soon unconsciousness intervened again.
The third day was much the same, and the doctors began to
hope. On this day Alekséi Aleksandrovitch went into the bou-
doir where Vronsky was, closed the door, and sat down in front
of him.
"Aleksei Aleksandrovitch," said Vronsky, feeling that an
explanation was to be made, "I cannot speak,-I cannot think.
Have pity on me! Whatever may be your suffering, believe that
mine is still more terrible. "
He was going to rise; but Alekséi Aleksandrovitch prevented
him, and said, "Pray listen to me: it is unavoidable. I am forced
to explain to you the feelings that guide me, that you may avoid
making any mistake in regard to me. You know that I had
decided on a divorce, and that I had taken the preliminary steps
to obtain one? I will not deny that at first I was undecided;
I was in torment. I confess that I wanted to avenge myself.
When I received the telegram, and came home, I felt the same
desire. I will say more: I hoped that she would die. But"-
he was silent for a moment, considering whether he would.
wholly reveal his thoughts" but I have seen her: I have
forgiven her absolutely. The happiness I feel at being able to
forgive, clearly shows me my duty. I offer the other cheek
to the smiter: I give my last cloak to him who has robbed me.
I only ask one thing of God,-that he
me this joy of forgiving. "
will not take away from
Tears filled his eyes. Vronsky was amazed at the calm, lumi-
nous face.
"These are my feelings. You may drag me in the dust, and
make me the laughing-stock of creation; but I will not give up
Anna for that, nor will I utter a word of reproach to you,” con-
tinued Aleksei Aleksandrovitch. "My duty seems clear and
B
## p. 15001 (#585) ##########################################
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15001
plain to me: I must remain with her; I shall remain with her.
If she wishes to see you, I shall inform you of it; but now I
think it will be better for you to go away. "
Karénin rose: sobs choked his voice. Vronsky rose too, and
standing with bowed head and humble attitude, looked up at
Karénin, without a word to say. He was incapable of under-
standing Alekséi Aleksandrovitch's feelings; but he felt that such
magnanimity was above him, and irreconcilable with his con-
ception of life.
ANNA AND HER SON
From 'Anna Karénina: translated by Nathan Haskell Dole. Copyright 1886,
by T. Y. Crowell & Co.
ANNA'S
NNA'S chief desire on her return to Russia was to see her
son. From the day that she left Italy she was filled with
this idea; and her joy increased in proportion as she drew
near Petersburg. She did not trouble herself with the question
how she should manage this meeting, which seemed to her of
such importance. It was a simple and natural thing, she thought,
to see her child once more, now that she was in the same town
with him; but since her arrival she suddenly realized her pres-
ent relation towards society, and found that the interview was not
easy to obtain.
She had been two days now in Petersburg, and never for an
instant had she forgotten her son; but she had not seen him.
To go straight to her husband's house, and risk coming face
to face with her husband, seemed to her impossible. They might
even refuse to admit her. To write to Alekséi Aleksandrovitch
and ask permission of him, seemed to her painful even to think
of. She could be calm only when she did not think of her hus-
band; and yet she could not feel contented to see her son at a
distance. She had too many kisses, too many caresses, to give
him.
1
Serozha's old nurse might have been an assistance to her,
but she no longer lived with Alekséi Aleksandrovitch.
On the third day, having learned of Alekséi Aleksandrovitch's
relations with the Countess Lidia Ivanovna, Anna decided to
write her a letter composed with the greatest care, in which she
## p. 15002 (#586) ##########################################
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15002
would tell her frankly that the permission to see her son de-
pended on her. She knew that if her husband found it out, he,
in his part of magnanimous man, would not refuse her.
answer.
It was a cruel blow to have her messenger return without an
She had never felt so wounded, so humiliated; and yet
she had to acknowledge that the countess was right.
Her grief
was all the keener because she had to bear it alone. She could
not and did not wish to confide it to Vronsky. She knew that
though he was the chief cause of her unhappiness, he would look
upon her meeting with her son as of little account; and the mere
thought of the unsympathetic tone in which he would speak of
it made him seem odious to her. And the fear that she might
come to hate him was the worst of all. Therefore she made up
her mind to hide from him her action in regard to the child.
She stayed at home all day long, and racked her brain to
think of other ways of meeting her son; and finally she decided
upon the most painful of all,-to write directly to her husband.
Just as she was beginning her letter, Lidia Ivanovna's reply was
brought. She accepted it with silent resignation; but the un-
friendliness, the sarcasm, that she read between the lines, pierced
deep into her soul.
"What cruelty! What hypocrisy! " she said to herself. "They
want to insult me and torment the child. I will not let them do
She is worse than I am: at least I do not lie. "
So.
She immediately decided to go on the morrow, which was
Serozha's birthday, directly to her husband's house to see the
child, no matter what it cost in fees to the servants; and to put
an end to the ugly network of lies with which they were sur-
rounding the innocent child.
She went to a neighboring shop and purchased some toys;
and thus she formed her plan of action: She would start early in
the morning, before Alekséi Aleksandrovitch was up; she would
have the money in her hand all ready to bribe the Swiss and
the other servants to let her go up-stairs without raising her veil,
under the pretext of laying on Serozha's bed some presents sent
by his godfather. As to what she should say to her son, she
could not form the least idea; she could not make any prepara-
tion for that.
The next morning, at eight o'clock, Anna got out of her hired
carriage and rang the door-bell of her former home.
## p. 15003 (#587) ##########################################
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15003
"Go and see what is wanted. It's some baruina," said Kapi
tonuitch, in overcoat and galoshes, as he looked out of the win-
dow and saw a lady closely veiled standing on the porch. The
Swiss's assistant, a young man whom Anna did not know, had
scarcely opened the door before Anna thrust a three-ruble note
into his hand.
"Serozha-Sergéi Alekseievitch," she stammered; then she
went one or two steps down the hall.
The Swiss's assistant examined the note, and stopped the vis-
itor at the inner glass door.
"Whom do you wish to see? " he asked.
She did not hear his words, and made no reply.
Kapitonuitch, noticing the stranger's confusion, came out from
his office and asked her what she wanted.
"I come from Prince Skorodumof to see Sergéi Alekseie-
vitch. "
"He is not up yet," replied the Swiss, looking sharply at the
veiled lady.
Anna had never dreamed that she should be so troubled by
the sight of this house, where she had lived nine years. One
after another, sweet and cruel memories arose in her mind, and
for a moment she forgot why she was there.
"Will you wait? " asked the Swiss, helping her to take off her
shubka. When he saw her face, he recognized her, and bowed
profoundly. "Will your Ladyship be pleased to enter? " he said
to her.
She tried to speak; but her voice failed her, and with an en-
treating look at the old servant she rapidly flew up the stairs.
Kapitonuitch tried to overtake her, and followed after her, catch-
ing his galoshes at every step.
"Perhaps his tutor is not dressed yet: I will speak to him. "
Anna kept on up the stairs which she knew so well; but she
did not hear what the old man said.
"This way.
Excuse it if all is in disorder. He sleeps in
the front room now," said the Swiss, out of breath. "Will your
Ladyship be good enough to wait a moment? I will go and see. "
And opening the high door he disappeared.
Anna stopped and waited.
"He has just waked up," said the Swiss, coming back through
the same door.
## p. 15004 (#588) ##########################################
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And as he spoke, Anna heard the sound of a child yawning;
and merely by the sound of the yawn she recognized her son,
and seemed to see him alive before her.
"Let me go in-let me! " she stammered, and hurriedly
pushed through the door.
At the right of the door was a bed, and on the bed a child
was sitting up in his little open nightgown; his little body was
leaning forward, and he was just finishing a yawn and stretching
himself. His lips were just closing into a sleepy smile, and he
fell back upon his pillow still smiling.
"Serozha! " she murmured, as she went towards him.
Every time since their separation that she had felt an access
of love for the absent son, Anna looked upon him as still a child
of four, the age when he had been most charming. Now he no
longer bore any resemblance to him whom she had left; he had
grown tall and thin. How long his face seemed! How short his
hair! What long arms! How he had changed! But it was still
the same, the shape of his head, his lips, little slender neck, and
his broad shoulders.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
"Serozha! " she whispered in the child's ear.
He raised himself on his elbow, turned his frowzy head around,
and trying to put things together, opened wide his eyes. For
several seconds he looked with an inquiring face at his mother,
who stood motionless before him. Then he suddenly smiled with
joy; and with his eyes still half closed in sleep, he threw himself,
not back upon his pillow, but into his mother's arms.
"Serozha, my dear little boy! " she stammered, choking with
tears, and throwing her arms around his little body.
"Mamma! " he whispered, cuddling into his mother's arms, so
as to feel their encircling pressure. Smiling sleepily, he took his
hand from the head of the bed and put it on his mother's shoul-
der, and climbed into her lap,- having that warm breath of sleep
peculiar to children, and pressed his face to his mother's neck
and shoulders.
―――――――
"I knew," he said, opening his eyes: "to-day is my birthday;
I knew that you would come. I am going to get up now. "
And as he spoke he fell asleep again. Anna devoured him
with her eyes. She saw how he had changed during her absence.
She would scarcely have known his long legs coming below his
nightgown, his hollow cheeks, his short hair curled in the neck
## p. 15005 (#589) ##########################################
LYOF TOLSTOY
15005
where she had so often kissed it.
She pressed him to her heart,
and the tears prevented her from speaking.
"What are you crying for, mamma? " he asked, now entirely
awake. "What makes you cry? " he repeated, ready to weep
himself.
"I? I will not cry any more; it is for joy. It is all over
now," said she, drying her tears and turning around. "Nu! go
and get dressed," she added, after she had grown a little calmer,
but still holding Serozha's hand. She sat down near the bed,
on a chair which held the child's clothing. "How do you dress
without me? How she wanted to speak simply and gayly,
but she could not; and again she turned her head away.
"I don't wash in cold water any more,
papa has forbidden
it; but you have not seen Vasíli Lukitch? Here he comes. But
you are sitting on my things. " And Serozha laughed heartily.
She looked at him and smiled.
"Mamma! dúshenka, golúbtchika! " [dear little soul, darling]
he cried again, throwing himself into her arms, as though he
now better understood what had happened to him, as he saw her
smile.
--
――――
-
"Take it off," said he, pulling off her hat. And seeing her
head bare, he began to kiss her again.
«< What did you think of me? Did you believe that I was
dead? "
"I never believed it. "
"You believed me alive, my precious? "
"I knew it! I knew it! " he replied, repeating his favorite
phrase; and seizing the hand which was smoothing his hair, he
pressed the palm of it to his little mouth, and began to kiss it.
Vasíli Lukitch, meantime, not at first knowing who this lady
was, but learning from their conversation that it was Serozha's
mother, the woman who had deserted her husband, and whom
he did not know, as he had not come into the house till after
her departure,- was in great perplexity.
was in great perplexity. Ought he to tell Al-
ekséi Aleksandrovitch? On mature reflection he came to the
conclusion that his duty consisted in going to dress Serozha at
the usual hour, without paying any attention to a third person-
his mother or any one else. But as he reached the door and
opened it, the sight of the caresses between the mother and child
the sound of their voices and their words- made him change
his mind. He shook his head, sighed, and quietly closed the
-
## p. 15006 (#590) ##########################################
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LYOF TOLSTOY
door. "I will wait ten minutes longer," he said to himself,
coughing slightly, and wiping his eyes.
There was great excitement among the servants: they all
knew that the baruina had come, and that Kapitonuitch had let
her in, and that she was in the child's room; they knew too that
their master was in the habit of going to Serozha every morning
at nine o'clock: each one felt that the husband and wife ought
not to meet, that it must be prevented.
Kornéi, the valet, went down to the Swiss to ask why Anna
had been let in; and finding that Kapitonuitch had taken her
up-stairs, he reprimanded him severely. The Swiss maintained an
obstinate silence till the valet declared that he deserved to lose
his place, when the old man jumped at him, and shaking his fist
in his face, said:-
_______
"Da! Vot, you would not have let her in yourself? You've
served here ten years, and had nothing but kindness from her,
but you would have said, 'Now go away from here! ' You know
what policy is, you sly dog. What you don't forget is to rob
your master, and to carry off his raccoon-skin shubas! »
"Soldier! " replied Kornéi scornfully, and he turned towards
the nurse, who was coming in just at this moment. "What do
you think, Marya Yefimovna? He has let in Anna Arkadyevna,
without saying anything to anybody, and just when Aleksei Al-
eksandrovitch, as soon as he is up, will be going to the nursery. "
"What a scrape! what a scrape! " said the nurse. "But, Kor-
néi Vasilyevitch, find some way to keep your master, while I run
to warn her and get her out of the way. What a scrape! "
When the nurse went into the child's room, Serozha was
telling his mother how Nádenka and he had fallen when sliding
down a hill of ice, and turned three somersaults. Anna was
listening to the sound of her son's voice, looking at his face,
watching the play of his features, feeling his little arms, but not
hearing a word that he said. She must go away, she must leave
him: this alone she understood and felt. She had heard Vasíli
Lukitch's steps, and his little discreet cough, as he came to the
door- and now she heard the nurse coming in; but unable to
move or to speak, she remained as fixed as a statue.
"Baruina! Golúbtchika! " [mistress, darling] said the nurse,
coming up to Anna, and kissing her hands and her shoulders.
"God sent this joy for our birthday celebration! You are not
changed at all. "
T
[
## p. 15007 (#591) ##########################################
LYOF TOLSTOY
15007
"Ach! nyanya [nurse], my dear: I did not know that you
were in the house," said Anna, coming to herself.
"I don't live here; I live with my daughter. I came to give
my best wishes to Serozha, Anna Arkadyevna, golúbtchika. "
The nurse suddenly began to weep, and to kiss Anna's hand.
Serozha, with bright, joyful eyes, and holding his mother with
one hand and his nurse with the other, was dancing in his little
bare feet on the carpet. His old nurse's tenderness towards his
mother was delightful to him.
"Mamma, she often comes to see me; and when she comes
he began, but he stopped short when he perceived that the nurse
whispered something in his mother's ear, and that his mother's
face assumed an expression of fear, and at the same time of
shame.
-
>>>
Anna went to him.
"My precious! " she said.
She could not say the word "farewell" [proshcháï]; but the
expression of her face said it, and he understood.
"My precious, precious Kutik! " she said, calling him by a
pet name which she used when he was a baby. You will not
forget me; you. » but she could not say another word.
«<
Only then she began to remember the words which she
wanted to say to him; but now it was impossible to say them.
Serozha, however, understood all that she would have said: he
understood that she was unhappy, and that she loved him. He
even understood what the nurse whispered in her ear: he heard
the words "always at nine o'clock"; and he knew that they
referred to his father, and that his mother must not meet him.
He understood this, but one thing he could not understand:
why did her face express fear and shame ?
She was
not to blame, but she was afraid of him, and seemed ashamed
of something. He wanted to ask a question which would have
explained this circumstance, but he did not dare: he saw that she
was in sorrow, and he pitied her. He silently clung close to
her, and then he whispered, "Don't go yet! He will not come yet
awhile. "
·
His mother pushed him away from her a little, in order to
see if he understood the meaning of what he had said; and in
the frightened expression of his face she perceived that he not
only spoke of his father, but seemed to ask her how he ought
to think about him.
## p. 15008 (#592) ##########################################
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LYOF TOLSTOY
him: he is better than
When you have grown
"Serozha, my dear," she said, "love
I am; and I have been wicked to him.
up, you will understand. "
"No one is better than you," cried the child, with sobs of
despair; and clinging to his mother's shoulders, he squeezed her
with all the force of his little trembling arms.
"Dúshenka, my darling! " stammered Anna; and bursting into
tears, she sobbed like a child, even as he sobbed.
At this moment the door opened, and Vasíli Lukitch came
in. Steps were heard at the other door; and in a frightened
whisper he exclaimed, "He is coming," and gave Anna her hat.
Serozha threw himself on the bed, sobbing, and covered his
face with his hands. Anna took them away to kiss yet once
again his tear-stained cheeks; and then with quick steps hurried
from the room. Aleksei Aleksandrovitch met her at the door.
When he saw her he stopped and bowed his head.
Though she had declared a moment before that he was better
than she, the swift glance that she gave him-taking in his
whole person-awoke in her only a feeling of hatred and scorn
for him, and jealousy on account of her son. She hurriedly
lowered her veil, and quickening her step, almost ran from the
room. She had entirely forgotten in her haste the playthings
which, on the evening before, she had bought with so much love
and sadness; and she took them back with her to the hotel.
ANNA KILLS HERSELF
From Anna Karénina: translated by Nathan Haskell Dole. Copyrighted
1886, by T. Y. Crowell & Co.
"Not
ow I am myself again,-now my mind is clear," said Anna
to herself, as soon as the carriage started, and rolling a
little, flew swiftly along the uneven pavement.
"Da! what was that good thing that I was thinking about
last? Tiutkin the coiffeur? Oh no! not that. Oh yes! what
Yashvin said about the struggle for existence- and hatred, the
only thing that unites men. No: we go at hap-hazard. "
She saw in a carriage drawn by four horses a party of merry-
makers, who had evidently come to the city for a pleasure trip.
"What are you seeking under the disguise of pleasure? " she
thought. "You won't escape from yourselves;" and then, as her
## p. 15009 (#593) ##########################################
LYOF TOLSTOY
·
15009
eye fell on a drunken workman led by a policeman, she added,
"That man's way is quicker. Count Vronsky and I did not
reach this pleasure, though we expected much. "
And for the first time, Anna turned upon her relations with
the count this bright light which was suddenly revealing her life
to her.
"What did he seek in me? A satisfaction for his vanity,
rather than for his love! "
And she remembered Vronsky's words, and the expression of
his face, which reminded her of a submissive dog, when they
first met and loved. Everything seemed a confirmation of this
thought.
"Da! he cared for the triumph of success above everything.
Of course he loved me, but chiefly from vanity. Now that he is
not proud of me any more, it is over. He is ashamed of me.
He has taken from me all that he could take, and now I am
of no use to him. I weigh upon him, and he does not want to
be in dishonorable relationship with me. He said yesterday he
wanted the divorce, so as to burn his ships. Perhaps he loves
me still-but how? The zest is gone," she said, in English, as
she looked at a ruddy-faced man riding by on a hired horse.
"Da! there is nothing about me any longer to his taste. If I
leave him, he will rejoice in the bottom of his heart. "
This was not mere hypothesis: she saw things now clearly, as
by a sort of clairvoyance.
"My love has been growing more and more selfish and pas-
sionate; his has been growing fainter and fainter. That is why
we cannot go on together. He is all in all to me. I struggle
to draw him closer and closer to me, and he wants to fly from
me. Up to the time of our union, we flew to meet each other;
but now we move apart. He accuses me of being absurdly jeal-
- and I am; and yet I am not, either. I am not jealous, but
my love is no longer satisfied. But-" she opened her mouth
to speak, and in the excitement caused by the stress of her
thoughts, she changed her place in the carriage.
ous
―――――
"If I could, I would try to be a simple friend to him, and
not a passionate mistress, whom his coldness frenzies; but I can-
not transform myself. I am not mistaken. Don't I know that
he would not deceive me,- that he is no longer in love with
Kitty, that he has no intention of marrying the Princess Soro-
kina? I know it well, but it is none the easier for me. But
XXV-939
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LYOF TOLSTOY
what is that to me? If he is tired of my love,- if, when he
does not feel for me just what I feel for him, I would a thou-
sand times rather have him hate me,- this is- hell! And this
is the case. He has long ceased to love me. When love ceases,
disgust begins. -I don't know these streets at all. What hosts
of houses! and in them, people, people,-no end of them! and
they all hate each other!
"Nu! what could happen to me. now that would give me
happiness again? Suppose that Alekséi Aleksandrovitch should
consent to the divorce, and would give me back Serozha, and
that I should marry Vronsky? " And as she thought of Alekséi
Aleksandrovitch, Anna could see him before her, with his dull,
lifeless, faded eyes, his white, blue-veined hands, and his cracking
joints; and the idea of their relation to one another, which had
hitherto been tinged with tenderness, made her shudder.
"Nu! Suppose I were married, would not Kitty still look
at me as she looked at me to-day? Would not Serozha ask and
wonder why I had two husbands? But between me and Vronsky
what new feeling could I imagine? Is it possible that our rela-
tions might be, if not pleasanter, at least no worse than they
are now? No, and no! " she replied, without the least hesitation.
"Impossible! We are growing apart; and I am disagreeable to
him, and he displeases me, and I cannot change him: every
means has been tried.
son.
"Da! there's a beggar with a child. She thinks she inspires
pity. Were we not thrown into the world to hate each other,
and to torment ourselves and everybody else? Here come the
schoolboys out to play! - Serozha ? " It reminded her of her
"I used to think that I loved him, and I was touched
by his gentleness. I also lived without him, gave him up for
my love, and was not sorry for the change, since I was contented
with him whom I loved. " And she remembered with disgust
what she called that love. And the clearness in which she now
saw her own life, as well as the lives of others, delighted her.
"Thus am I, and Piotr, and the coachman Feodor, and that
merchant, and all people from here to the Volga, wherever
these remarks are applicable- and everywhere and always," she
thought, as the carriage stopped in front of the low-roofed sta-
tion of the Nizhni Novgorod Railroad, and the porter came out
to meet her.
"Shall I book you for Obiralovki? " asked Piotr.
## p. 15011 (#595) ##########################################
LYOF TOLSTOY
15011
She had entirely forgotten why she had come, and only by a
great effort could she understand what he meant.
"Yes," she said, handing him her purse; and taking her little
red bag, she got out of the carriage.
As she entered with the throng, she reviewed all the details
of her situation and the plans between which she was halting.
And again hope and despair alternately filled her tortured, cruelly
palpitating heart. As she sat on the stelliform divan, she looked
with aversion on the people going and coming,-they were all
her enemies, and thought now of how, when she reached the
station, she would write to him, and what she would write, and
then how at this very moment he- not thinking of her suffer-
ing was complaining to his mother of his position, and how
she would go to his room, and what she would say to him. The
thought that she might yet live happily crossed her brain; and
how hard it was to love and hate him at the same time! And
above all, how her heart was beating, as if to burst its bounds!
A bell sounded, and some impudent young men of a flashy
and vulgar appearance passed before her.
