[458] He knows it; hence he is always armed for war; for
he fears, if he ventures forth without his bludgeon, he would be stripped
of his clothes when he is drunk.
he fears, if he ventures forth without his bludgeon, he would be stripped
of his clothes when he is drunk.
Aristophanes
Run quick and call Cleon, my patron.
SECOND WIFE. And you, should you run against Hyperbolus,[444] bring him
to me; we will knock the life out of our robber.
FIRST WIFE. Oh! you miserable glutton! how I should delight in breaking
those grinders of yours, which devoured my goods!
SECOND WIFE. And I in hurling you into the malefactor's pit.
FIRST WIFE. And I in slitting with one stroke of the sickle that gullet
that bolted down the tripe. But I am going to fetch Cleon; he shall
summon you before the court this very day and force you to disgorge.
DIONYSUS. May I die, if Xanthias is not my dearest friend.
XANTHIAS. Can I be the son of Alcmena, I, a slave and a mortal?
DIONYSUS. I know, I know, that you are in a fury and you have the right
to be; you can even beat me and I will not reply. But if I ever take this
costume from you again, may I die of the most fearful torture--I, my
wife, my children, all those who belong to me, down to the very last, and
blear-eyed Archidemus[445] into the bargain.
XANTHIAS. I accept your oath, and on those terms I agree.
CHORUS. 'Tis now your cue, since you have resumed the dress, to act the
brave and to throw terror into your glance, thus recalling the god whom
you represent. But if you play your part badly, if you yield to any
weakness, you will again have to load your shoulders with the baggage.
XANTHIAS. Friends, your advice is good, but I was thinking the same
myself; if there is any good to be got, my master will again want to
despoil me of this costume, of that I am quite certain. Ne'ertheless, I
am going to show a fearless heart and shoot forth ferocious looks. And
lo! the time for it has come, for I hear a noise at the door.
AEACUS (_to his slaves_). Bind me this dog-thief,[446] that he may be
punished. Hurry yourselves, hurry!
DIONYSUS. This is going to turn out badly for someone.
XANTHIAS. Look to yourselves and don't come near me.
AEACUS. Hah! you would show fight! Ditylas, Sceblyas, Pardocas,[447] come
here and have at him!
DIONYSUS. Ah! you would strike him because he has stolen!
XANTHIAS. 'Tis horrible!
DIONYSUS. 'Tis a revolting cruelty!
XANTHIAS. By Zeus! may I die, if I ever came here or stole from you the
value of a pin! But I will act nobly; take this slave, put him to the
question, and if you obtain the proof of my guilt, put me to death.
AEACUS. In what manner shall I put him to the question?
XANTHIAS. In every manner; you may lash him to the wooden horse, hang
him, cut him open with scourging, flay him, twist his limbs, pour vinegar
down his nostrils, load him with bricks, anything you like; only don't
beat him with leeks or fresh garlic. [448]
AEACUS. 'Tis well conceived; but if the blows maim your slave, you will
be claiming damages from me.
XANTHIAS. No, certainly not! set about putting him to the question.
AEACUS. It shall be done here, for I wish him to speak in your presence.
Come, put down your pack, and be careful not to lie.
DIONYSUS. I forbid you to torture me, for I am immortal; if you dare it,
woe to you!
AEACUS. What say you?
DIONYSUS. I say that I am an immortal, Dionysus, the son of Zeus, and
that this fellow is only a slave.
AEACUS (_to Xanthias_). D'you hear him?
XANTHIAS. Yes. 'Tis all the better reason for beating him with rods, for,
if he is a god, he will not feel the blows.
DIONYSUS (_to Xanthias_).
But why, pray, since you also claim to be a god, should you not be beaten
like myself?
XANTHIAS (_to Aeacus_).
That's fair. Very well then, whichever of us two you first see crying and
caring for the blows, him believe not to be a god.
AEACUS. 'Tis spoken like a brave fellow; you don't refuse what is right.
Strip yourselves.
XANTHIAS. To do the thing fairly, how do you propose to act?
AEACUS. Oh! that's easy. I shall hit you one after the other.
XANTHIAS. Well thought of.
AEACUS. There! (_He strikes Xanthias_. )
XANTHIAS. Watch if you see me flinch.
AEACUS. I have already struck you.
XANTHIAS. No, you haven't.
AEACUS. Why, you have not felt it at all, I think. Now for t'other one.
DIONYSUS. Be quick about it.
AEACUS. But I have struck you.
DIONYSUS. Ah! I did not even sneeze. How is that?
AEACUS. I don't know; come, I will return to the first one.
XANTHIAS. Get it over. Oh, oh!
AEACUS. What does that "oh, oh! " mean? Did it hurt you?
XANTHIAS. Oh, no! but I was thinking of the feasts of Heracles, which are
being held at Diomeia. [449]
AEACUS. Oh! what a pious fellow! I pass on to the other again.
DIONYSUS. Oh! oh!
AEACUS. What's wrong?
DIONYSUS. I see some knights. [450]
AEACUS. Why are you weeping?
DIONYSUS. Because I can smell onions.
AEACUS. Ha! so you don't care a fig for the blows?
DIONYSUS. Not the least bit in the world.
AEACUS. Well, let us proceed. Your turn now.
XANTHIAS. Oh, I say!
AEACUS. What's the matter?
XANTHIAS. Pull out this thorn. [451]
AEACUS. What? Now the other one again.
DIONYSUS. "Oh, Apollo! . . . King of Delos and Delphi! "
XANTHIAS. He felt that. Do you hear?
DIONYSUS. Why, no! I was quoting an iambic of Hipponax.
XANTHIAS. 'Tis labour in vain. Come, smite his flanks.
AEACUS. No, present your belly.
DIONYSUS. Oh, Posidon . . .
XANTHIAS. Ah! here's someone who's feeling it.
DIONYSUS. . . . who reignest on the Aegean headland and in the depths of
the azure sea. [452]
AEACUS. By Demeter, I cannot find out which of you is the god. But come
in; the master and Persephone will soon tell you, for they are gods
themselves.
DIONYSUS. You are quite right; but you should have thought of that before
you beat us.
CHORUS. Oh! Muse, take part in our sacred choruses; our songs will
enchant you and you shall see a people of wise men, eager for a nobler
glory than that of Cleophon,[453] the braggart, the swallow, who deafens
us with his hoarse cries, while perched upon a Thracian tree. He whines
in his barbarian tongue and repeats the lament of Philomela with good
reason, for even if the votes were equally divided, he would have to
perish. [454]
The sacred chorus owes the city its opinion and its wise lessons. First I
demand that equality be restored among the citizens, so that none may be
disquieted. If there be any whom the artifices of Phrynichus have drawn
into any error,[455] let us allow them to offer their excuses and let us
forget these old mistakes. Furthermore, that there be not a single
citizen in Athens who is deprived of his rights; otherwise would it not
be shameful to see slaves become masters and treated as honourably as
Plataeans, because they helped in a single naval fight? [456] Not that I
censure this step, for, on the contrary I approve it; 'tis the sole thing
you have done that is sensible. But those citizens, both they and their
fathers, have so often fought with you and are allied to you by ties of
blood, so ought you not to listen to their prayers and pardon them their
single fault? Nature has given you wisdom, therefore let your anger cool
and let all those who have fought together on Athenian galleys live in
brotherhood and as fellow-citizens, enjoying the same equal rights; to
show ourselves proud and intractable about granting the rights of the
city, especially at a time when we are riding at the mercy of the
waves,[457] is a folly, of which we shall later repent.
If I am adept at reading the destiny or the soul of a man, the fatal hour
for little Cligenes[458] is near, that unbearable ape, the greatest rogue
of all the washermen, who use a mixture of ashes and Cimolian earth and
call it potash.
[458] He knows it; hence he is always armed for war; for
he fears, if he ventures forth without his bludgeon, he would be stripped
of his clothes when he is drunk.
I have often noticed that there are good and honest citizens in Athens,
who are as old gold is to new money. The ancient coins are excellent in
point of standard; they are assuredly the best of all moneys; they alone
are well struck and give a pure ring; everywhere they obtain currency,
both in Greece and in strange lands; yet we make no use of them and
prefer those bad copper pieces quite recently issued and so wretchedly
struck. Exactly in the same way do we deal with our citizens. If we know
them to be well-born, sober, brave, honest, adepts in the exercises of
the gymnasium and in the liberal arts, they are the butts of our
contumely and we have only a use for the petty rubbish, consisting of
strangers, slaves and low-born folk not worth a whit more, mushrooms of
yesterday, whom formerly Athens would not have even wanted as scapegoats.
Madmen, do change your ways at last; employ the honest men afresh; if you
are fortunate through doing this, 'twill be but right, and if Fate
betrays you, the wise will at least praise you for having fallen
honourably.
AEACUS. By Zeus, the Deliverer! what a brave man your master is.
XANTHIAS. A brave man! I should think so indeed, for he only knows how to
drink and to make love!
AEACUS. He has convicted you of lying and did not thrash the impudent
rascal who had dared to call himself the master.
XANTHIAS. Ah! he would have rued it if he had.
AEACUS. Well spoken! that's a reply that does a slave credit; 'tis thus
that I like to act too.
XANTHIAS. How, pray?
AEACUS. I am beside myself with joy, when I can curse my master in
secret.
XANTHIAS. And when you go off grumbling, after having been well thrashed?
AEACUS. I am delighted.
XANTHIAS. And when you make yourself important?
AEACUS. I know of nothing sweeter.
XANTHIAS. Ah! by Zeus! we are brothers. And when you are listening to
what your masters are saying?
AEACUS. 'Tis a pleasure that drives me to distraction.
XANTHIAS. And when you repeat it to strangers?
AEACUS. Oh! I feel as happy as if I were emitting semen.
XANTHIAS. By Phoebus Apollo! reach me your hand; come hither, that I may
embrace you; and, in the name of Zeus, the Thrashed one, tell me what all
this noise means, these shouts, these quarrels, that I can hear going on
inside yonder.
AEACUS. 'Tis Aeschylus and Euripides.
XANTHIAS. What do you mean?
AEACUS. The matter is serious, very serious indeed; all Hades is in
commotion.
XANTHIAS. What's it all about?
AEACUS. We have a law here, according to which, whoever in each of the
great sciences and liberal arts beats all his rivals, is fed at the
Prytaneum and sits at Pluto's side . . .
XANTHIAS. I know that.
AEACUS. . . . until someone cleverer than he in the same style of thing
comes along; then he has to give way to him.
XANTHIAS. And how has this law disturbed Aeschylus?
AEACUS. He held the chair for tragedy, as being the greatest in his art.
XANTHIAS. And who has it now?
AEACUS. When Euripides descended here, he started reciting his verses to
the cheats, cut-purses, parricides, and brigands, who abound in Hades;
his supple and tortuous reasonings filled them with enthusiasm, and they
pronounced him the cleverest by far. So Euripides, elated with pride,
took possession of the throne on which Aeschylus was installed.
XANTHIAS. And did he not get stoned?
AEACUS. No, but the folk demanded loudly that a regular trial should
decide to which of the two the highest place belonged.
XANTHIAS. What folk? this mob of rascals? (_Points to the spectators. _)
AEACUS. Their clamour reached right up to heaven.
XANTHIAS. And had Aeschylus not his friends too?
AEACUS. Good people are very scarce here, just the same as on earth.
XANTHIAS. What does Pluto reckon to do?
AEACUS. To open a contest as soon as possible; the two rivals will show
their skill, and finally a verdict will be given.
XANTHIAS. What! has not Sophocles also claimed the chair then?
AEACUS. No, no! he embraced Aeschylus and shook his hand, when he came
down; he could have taken the seat, for Aeschylus vacated it for him; but
according to Clidemides,[459] he prefers to act as his second; if
Aeschylus triumphs, he will stay modestly where he is, but if not, he has
declared that he will contest the prize with Euripides.
XANTHIAS. When is the contest to begin?
AEACUS. Directly! the battle royal is to take place on this very spot.
Poetry is to be weighed in the scales.
XANTHIAS. What? How can tragedy be weighed?
AEACUS. They will bring rulers and compasses to measure the words, and
those forms which are used for moulding bricks, also diameter measures
and wedges, for Euripides says he wishes to torture every verse of his
rival's tragedies.
XANTHIAS. If I mistake not, Aeschylus must be in a rage.
AEACUS. With lowered head he glares fiercely like a bull.
XANTHIAS. And who will be the judge?
AEACUS. The choice was difficult; it was seen that there was a dearth of
able men. Aeschylus took exception to the Athenians . . .
XANTHIAS. No doubt he thought there were too many thieves among them.
AEACUS. . . . and moreover believed them too light-minded to judge of a
poet's merits. Finally they fell back upon your master, because he
understands tragic poetry. [460] But let us go in; when the masters are
busy, we must look out for blows!
CHORUS. Ah! what fearful wrath will be surging in his heart! what a roar
there'll be when he sees the babbler who challenges him sharpening his
teeth! how savagely his eyes will roll! What a battle of words like
plumed helmets and waving crests hurling themselves against fragile
outbursts and wretched parings! We shall see the ingenious architect of
style defending himself against immense periods. Then, the close hairs of
his thick mane all a-bristle, the giant will knit his terrible brow; he
will pull out verses as solidly bolted together as the framework of a
ship and will hurl them forth with a roar, while the pretty speaker with
the supple and sharpened tongue, who weighs each syllable and submits
everything to the lash of his envy, will cut this grand style to
mincemeat and reduce to ruins this edifice erected by one good sturdy
puff of breath. [461]
EURIPIDES (_to Dionysus_). Your advice is in vain, I shall not vacate the
chair, for I contend I am superior to him.
DIONYSUS. Aeschylus, why do you keep silent? You understand what he says.
EURIPIDES. He is going to stand on his dignity first; 'tis a trick he
never failed to use in his tragedies.
DIONYSUS. My dear fellow, a little less arrogance, please.
EURIPIDES. Oh! I know him for many a day. I have long had a thorough hold
of his ferocious heroes, for his high-flown language and of the monstrous
blustering words which his great, gaping mouth hurls forth thick and
close without curb or measure.
AESCHYLUS. It is indeed you, the son of a rustic goddess,[462] who dare
to treat me thus, you, who only know how to collect together stupid
sayings and to stitch the rags of your beggars? [463] I shall make you rue
your insults.
DIONYSUS. Enough said, Aeschylus, calm the wild wrath that is turning
your heart into a furnace.
AESCHYLUS. No, not until I have clearly shown the true value of this
impudent fellow with his lame men. [464]
DIONYSUS. A lamb, a black lamb! Slaves, bring it quickly, the storm-cloud
is about to burst. [465]
AESCHYLUS. Shame on your Cretan monologues! [466] Shame on the infamous
nuptials[467] that you introduce into the tragic art!
DIONYSUS. Curb yourself, noble Aeschylus, and as for you, my poor
Euripides, be prudent, protect yourself from this hailstorm, or he may
easily in his rage hit you full in the temple with some terrible word,
that would let out your Telephus. [468] Come, Aeschylus, no flying into a
temper! discuss the question coolly; poets must not revile each other
like market wenches. Why, you shout at the very outset and burst out like
a pine that catches fire in the forest.
EURIPIDES. I am ready for the contest and don't flinch; let him choose
the attack or the defence; let him discuss everything, the dialogue, the
choruses, the tragic genius, Peleus, Aeolus, Meleager[469] and especially
Telephus.
DIONYSUS. And what do you propose to do, Aeschylus? Speak!
AESCHYLUS. I should have wished not to maintain a contest that is not
equal or fair.
DIONYSUS. Why not fair?
AESCHYLUS. Because my poetry has outlived me, whilst his died with him
and he can use it against me. However, I submit to your ruling.
DIONYSUS. Let incense and a brazier be brought, for I want to offer a
prayer to the gods. Thanks to their favour, may I be able to decide
between these ingenious rivals as a clever expert should! And do you sing
a hymn in honour of the Muses.
CHORUS. Oh! ye chaste Muses, the daughters of Zeus, you who read the fine
and subtle minds of thought-makers when they enter upon a contest of
quibbles and tricks, look down on these two powerful athletes; inspire
them, one with mighty words and the other with odds and ends of verses.
Now the great mind contest is beginning.
DIONYSUS. And do you likewise make supplication to the gods before
entering the lists.
AESCHYLUS. Oh, Demeter! who hast formed my mind, may I be able to prove
myself worthy of thy Mysteries! [470]
DIONYSUS. And you, Euripides, prove yourself meet to sprinkle incense on
the brazier.
EURIPIDES. Thanks, but I sacrifice to other gods. [471]
DIONYSUS. To private gods of your own, which you have made after your own
image?
EURIPIDES.
SECOND WIFE. And you, should you run against Hyperbolus,[444] bring him
to me; we will knock the life out of our robber.
FIRST WIFE. Oh! you miserable glutton! how I should delight in breaking
those grinders of yours, which devoured my goods!
SECOND WIFE. And I in hurling you into the malefactor's pit.
FIRST WIFE. And I in slitting with one stroke of the sickle that gullet
that bolted down the tripe. But I am going to fetch Cleon; he shall
summon you before the court this very day and force you to disgorge.
DIONYSUS. May I die, if Xanthias is not my dearest friend.
XANTHIAS. Can I be the son of Alcmena, I, a slave and a mortal?
DIONYSUS. I know, I know, that you are in a fury and you have the right
to be; you can even beat me and I will not reply. But if I ever take this
costume from you again, may I die of the most fearful torture--I, my
wife, my children, all those who belong to me, down to the very last, and
blear-eyed Archidemus[445] into the bargain.
XANTHIAS. I accept your oath, and on those terms I agree.
CHORUS. 'Tis now your cue, since you have resumed the dress, to act the
brave and to throw terror into your glance, thus recalling the god whom
you represent. But if you play your part badly, if you yield to any
weakness, you will again have to load your shoulders with the baggage.
XANTHIAS. Friends, your advice is good, but I was thinking the same
myself; if there is any good to be got, my master will again want to
despoil me of this costume, of that I am quite certain. Ne'ertheless, I
am going to show a fearless heart and shoot forth ferocious looks. And
lo! the time for it has come, for I hear a noise at the door.
AEACUS (_to his slaves_). Bind me this dog-thief,[446] that he may be
punished. Hurry yourselves, hurry!
DIONYSUS. This is going to turn out badly for someone.
XANTHIAS. Look to yourselves and don't come near me.
AEACUS. Hah! you would show fight! Ditylas, Sceblyas, Pardocas,[447] come
here and have at him!
DIONYSUS. Ah! you would strike him because he has stolen!
XANTHIAS. 'Tis horrible!
DIONYSUS. 'Tis a revolting cruelty!
XANTHIAS. By Zeus! may I die, if I ever came here or stole from you the
value of a pin! But I will act nobly; take this slave, put him to the
question, and if you obtain the proof of my guilt, put me to death.
AEACUS. In what manner shall I put him to the question?
XANTHIAS. In every manner; you may lash him to the wooden horse, hang
him, cut him open with scourging, flay him, twist his limbs, pour vinegar
down his nostrils, load him with bricks, anything you like; only don't
beat him with leeks or fresh garlic. [448]
AEACUS. 'Tis well conceived; but if the blows maim your slave, you will
be claiming damages from me.
XANTHIAS. No, certainly not! set about putting him to the question.
AEACUS. It shall be done here, for I wish him to speak in your presence.
Come, put down your pack, and be careful not to lie.
DIONYSUS. I forbid you to torture me, for I am immortal; if you dare it,
woe to you!
AEACUS. What say you?
DIONYSUS. I say that I am an immortal, Dionysus, the son of Zeus, and
that this fellow is only a slave.
AEACUS (_to Xanthias_). D'you hear him?
XANTHIAS. Yes. 'Tis all the better reason for beating him with rods, for,
if he is a god, he will not feel the blows.
DIONYSUS (_to Xanthias_).
But why, pray, since you also claim to be a god, should you not be beaten
like myself?
XANTHIAS (_to Aeacus_).
That's fair. Very well then, whichever of us two you first see crying and
caring for the blows, him believe not to be a god.
AEACUS. 'Tis spoken like a brave fellow; you don't refuse what is right.
Strip yourselves.
XANTHIAS. To do the thing fairly, how do you propose to act?
AEACUS. Oh! that's easy. I shall hit you one after the other.
XANTHIAS. Well thought of.
AEACUS. There! (_He strikes Xanthias_. )
XANTHIAS. Watch if you see me flinch.
AEACUS. I have already struck you.
XANTHIAS. No, you haven't.
AEACUS. Why, you have not felt it at all, I think. Now for t'other one.
DIONYSUS. Be quick about it.
AEACUS. But I have struck you.
DIONYSUS. Ah! I did not even sneeze. How is that?
AEACUS. I don't know; come, I will return to the first one.
XANTHIAS. Get it over. Oh, oh!
AEACUS. What does that "oh, oh! " mean? Did it hurt you?
XANTHIAS. Oh, no! but I was thinking of the feasts of Heracles, which are
being held at Diomeia. [449]
AEACUS. Oh! what a pious fellow! I pass on to the other again.
DIONYSUS. Oh! oh!
AEACUS. What's wrong?
DIONYSUS. I see some knights. [450]
AEACUS. Why are you weeping?
DIONYSUS. Because I can smell onions.
AEACUS. Ha! so you don't care a fig for the blows?
DIONYSUS. Not the least bit in the world.
AEACUS. Well, let us proceed. Your turn now.
XANTHIAS. Oh, I say!
AEACUS. What's the matter?
XANTHIAS. Pull out this thorn. [451]
AEACUS. What? Now the other one again.
DIONYSUS. "Oh, Apollo! . . . King of Delos and Delphi! "
XANTHIAS. He felt that. Do you hear?
DIONYSUS. Why, no! I was quoting an iambic of Hipponax.
XANTHIAS. 'Tis labour in vain. Come, smite his flanks.
AEACUS. No, present your belly.
DIONYSUS. Oh, Posidon . . .
XANTHIAS. Ah! here's someone who's feeling it.
DIONYSUS. . . . who reignest on the Aegean headland and in the depths of
the azure sea. [452]
AEACUS. By Demeter, I cannot find out which of you is the god. But come
in; the master and Persephone will soon tell you, for they are gods
themselves.
DIONYSUS. You are quite right; but you should have thought of that before
you beat us.
CHORUS. Oh! Muse, take part in our sacred choruses; our songs will
enchant you and you shall see a people of wise men, eager for a nobler
glory than that of Cleophon,[453] the braggart, the swallow, who deafens
us with his hoarse cries, while perched upon a Thracian tree. He whines
in his barbarian tongue and repeats the lament of Philomela with good
reason, for even if the votes were equally divided, he would have to
perish. [454]
The sacred chorus owes the city its opinion and its wise lessons. First I
demand that equality be restored among the citizens, so that none may be
disquieted. If there be any whom the artifices of Phrynichus have drawn
into any error,[455] let us allow them to offer their excuses and let us
forget these old mistakes. Furthermore, that there be not a single
citizen in Athens who is deprived of his rights; otherwise would it not
be shameful to see slaves become masters and treated as honourably as
Plataeans, because they helped in a single naval fight? [456] Not that I
censure this step, for, on the contrary I approve it; 'tis the sole thing
you have done that is sensible. But those citizens, both they and their
fathers, have so often fought with you and are allied to you by ties of
blood, so ought you not to listen to their prayers and pardon them their
single fault? Nature has given you wisdom, therefore let your anger cool
and let all those who have fought together on Athenian galleys live in
brotherhood and as fellow-citizens, enjoying the same equal rights; to
show ourselves proud and intractable about granting the rights of the
city, especially at a time when we are riding at the mercy of the
waves,[457] is a folly, of which we shall later repent.
If I am adept at reading the destiny or the soul of a man, the fatal hour
for little Cligenes[458] is near, that unbearable ape, the greatest rogue
of all the washermen, who use a mixture of ashes and Cimolian earth and
call it potash.
[458] He knows it; hence he is always armed for war; for
he fears, if he ventures forth without his bludgeon, he would be stripped
of his clothes when he is drunk.
I have often noticed that there are good and honest citizens in Athens,
who are as old gold is to new money. The ancient coins are excellent in
point of standard; they are assuredly the best of all moneys; they alone
are well struck and give a pure ring; everywhere they obtain currency,
both in Greece and in strange lands; yet we make no use of them and
prefer those bad copper pieces quite recently issued and so wretchedly
struck. Exactly in the same way do we deal with our citizens. If we know
them to be well-born, sober, brave, honest, adepts in the exercises of
the gymnasium and in the liberal arts, they are the butts of our
contumely and we have only a use for the petty rubbish, consisting of
strangers, slaves and low-born folk not worth a whit more, mushrooms of
yesterday, whom formerly Athens would not have even wanted as scapegoats.
Madmen, do change your ways at last; employ the honest men afresh; if you
are fortunate through doing this, 'twill be but right, and if Fate
betrays you, the wise will at least praise you for having fallen
honourably.
AEACUS. By Zeus, the Deliverer! what a brave man your master is.
XANTHIAS. A brave man! I should think so indeed, for he only knows how to
drink and to make love!
AEACUS. He has convicted you of lying and did not thrash the impudent
rascal who had dared to call himself the master.
XANTHIAS. Ah! he would have rued it if he had.
AEACUS. Well spoken! that's a reply that does a slave credit; 'tis thus
that I like to act too.
XANTHIAS. How, pray?
AEACUS. I am beside myself with joy, when I can curse my master in
secret.
XANTHIAS. And when you go off grumbling, after having been well thrashed?
AEACUS. I am delighted.
XANTHIAS. And when you make yourself important?
AEACUS. I know of nothing sweeter.
XANTHIAS. Ah! by Zeus! we are brothers. And when you are listening to
what your masters are saying?
AEACUS. 'Tis a pleasure that drives me to distraction.
XANTHIAS. And when you repeat it to strangers?
AEACUS. Oh! I feel as happy as if I were emitting semen.
XANTHIAS. By Phoebus Apollo! reach me your hand; come hither, that I may
embrace you; and, in the name of Zeus, the Thrashed one, tell me what all
this noise means, these shouts, these quarrels, that I can hear going on
inside yonder.
AEACUS. 'Tis Aeschylus and Euripides.
XANTHIAS. What do you mean?
AEACUS. The matter is serious, very serious indeed; all Hades is in
commotion.
XANTHIAS. What's it all about?
AEACUS. We have a law here, according to which, whoever in each of the
great sciences and liberal arts beats all his rivals, is fed at the
Prytaneum and sits at Pluto's side . . .
XANTHIAS. I know that.
AEACUS. . . . until someone cleverer than he in the same style of thing
comes along; then he has to give way to him.
XANTHIAS. And how has this law disturbed Aeschylus?
AEACUS. He held the chair for tragedy, as being the greatest in his art.
XANTHIAS. And who has it now?
AEACUS. When Euripides descended here, he started reciting his verses to
the cheats, cut-purses, parricides, and brigands, who abound in Hades;
his supple and tortuous reasonings filled them with enthusiasm, and they
pronounced him the cleverest by far. So Euripides, elated with pride,
took possession of the throne on which Aeschylus was installed.
XANTHIAS. And did he not get stoned?
AEACUS. No, but the folk demanded loudly that a regular trial should
decide to which of the two the highest place belonged.
XANTHIAS. What folk? this mob of rascals? (_Points to the spectators. _)
AEACUS. Their clamour reached right up to heaven.
XANTHIAS. And had Aeschylus not his friends too?
AEACUS. Good people are very scarce here, just the same as on earth.
XANTHIAS. What does Pluto reckon to do?
AEACUS. To open a contest as soon as possible; the two rivals will show
their skill, and finally a verdict will be given.
XANTHIAS. What! has not Sophocles also claimed the chair then?
AEACUS. No, no! he embraced Aeschylus and shook his hand, when he came
down; he could have taken the seat, for Aeschylus vacated it for him; but
according to Clidemides,[459] he prefers to act as his second; if
Aeschylus triumphs, he will stay modestly where he is, but if not, he has
declared that he will contest the prize with Euripides.
XANTHIAS. When is the contest to begin?
AEACUS. Directly! the battle royal is to take place on this very spot.
Poetry is to be weighed in the scales.
XANTHIAS. What? How can tragedy be weighed?
AEACUS. They will bring rulers and compasses to measure the words, and
those forms which are used for moulding bricks, also diameter measures
and wedges, for Euripides says he wishes to torture every verse of his
rival's tragedies.
XANTHIAS. If I mistake not, Aeschylus must be in a rage.
AEACUS. With lowered head he glares fiercely like a bull.
XANTHIAS. And who will be the judge?
AEACUS. The choice was difficult; it was seen that there was a dearth of
able men. Aeschylus took exception to the Athenians . . .
XANTHIAS. No doubt he thought there were too many thieves among them.
AEACUS. . . . and moreover believed them too light-minded to judge of a
poet's merits. Finally they fell back upon your master, because he
understands tragic poetry. [460] But let us go in; when the masters are
busy, we must look out for blows!
CHORUS. Ah! what fearful wrath will be surging in his heart! what a roar
there'll be when he sees the babbler who challenges him sharpening his
teeth! how savagely his eyes will roll! What a battle of words like
plumed helmets and waving crests hurling themselves against fragile
outbursts and wretched parings! We shall see the ingenious architect of
style defending himself against immense periods. Then, the close hairs of
his thick mane all a-bristle, the giant will knit his terrible brow; he
will pull out verses as solidly bolted together as the framework of a
ship and will hurl them forth with a roar, while the pretty speaker with
the supple and sharpened tongue, who weighs each syllable and submits
everything to the lash of his envy, will cut this grand style to
mincemeat and reduce to ruins this edifice erected by one good sturdy
puff of breath. [461]
EURIPIDES (_to Dionysus_). Your advice is in vain, I shall not vacate the
chair, for I contend I am superior to him.
DIONYSUS. Aeschylus, why do you keep silent? You understand what he says.
EURIPIDES. He is going to stand on his dignity first; 'tis a trick he
never failed to use in his tragedies.
DIONYSUS. My dear fellow, a little less arrogance, please.
EURIPIDES. Oh! I know him for many a day. I have long had a thorough hold
of his ferocious heroes, for his high-flown language and of the monstrous
blustering words which his great, gaping mouth hurls forth thick and
close without curb or measure.
AESCHYLUS. It is indeed you, the son of a rustic goddess,[462] who dare
to treat me thus, you, who only know how to collect together stupid
sayings and to stitch the rags of your beggars? [463] I shall make you rue
your insults.
DIONYSUS. Enough said, Aeschylus, calm the wild wrath that is turning
your heart into a furnace.
AESCHYLUS. No, not until I have clearly shown the true value of this
impudent fellow with his lame men. [464]
DIONYSUS. A lamb, a black lamb! Slaves, bring it quickly, the storm-cloud
is about to burst. [465]
AESCHYLUS. Shame on your Cretan monologues! [466] Shame on the infamous
nuptials[467] that you introduce into the tragic art!
DIONYSUS. Curb yourself, noble Aeschylus, and as for you, my poor
Euripides, be prudent, protect yourself from this hailstorm, or he may
easily in his rage hit you full in the temple with some terrible word,
that would let out your Telephus. [468] Come, Aeschylus, no flying into a
temper! discuss the question coolly; poets must not revile each other
like market wenches. Why, you shout at the very outset and burst out like
a pine that catches fire in the forest.
EURIPIDES. I am ready for the contest and don't flinch; let him choose
the attack or the defence; let him discuss everything, the dialogue, the
choruses, the tragic genius, Peleus, Aeolus, Meleager[469] and especially
Telephus.
DIONYSUS. And what do you propose to do, Aeschylus? Speak!
AESCHYLUS. I should have wished not to maintain a contest that is not
equal or fair.
DIONYSUS. Why not fair?
AESCHYLUS. Because my poetry has outlived me, whilst his died with him
and he can use it against me. However, I submit to your ruling.
DIONYSUS. Let incense and a brazier be brought, for I want to offer a
prayer to the gods. Thanks to their favour, may I be able to decide
between these ingenious rivals as a clever expert should! And do you sing
a hymn in honour of the Muses.
CHORUS. Oh! ye chaste Muses, the daughters of Zeus, you who read the fine
and subtle minds of thought-makers when they enter upon a contest of
quibbles and tricks, look down on these two powerful athletes; inspire
them, one with mighty words and the other with odds and ends of verses.
Now the great mind contest is beginning.
DIONYSUS. And do you likewise make supplication to the gods before
entering the lists.
AESCHYLUS. Oh, Demeter! who hast formed my mind, may I be able to prove
myself worthy of thy Mysteries! [470]
DIONYSUS. And you, Euripides, prove yourself meet to sprinkle incense on
the brazier.
EURIPIDES. Thanks, but I sacrifice to other gods. [471]
DIONYSUS. To private gods of your own, which you have made after your own
image?
EURIPIDES.
