No More Learning

Then she hung both her arms around his neck, leant back and
took a long look at him. "And what if I don't confess, could you not
help me then? " asked K. to test her out. I'm accumulating women to help
me, he thought to himself almost in amazement, first Miss Burstner, then
the court usher's wife, and now this little care assistant who seems to
have some incomprehensible need for me. The way she sits on my lap as
if it were her proper place! "No," answered Leni, slowly shaking her
head, "I couldn't help you then. But you don't want my help anyway, it
means nothing to you, you're too stubborn and won't be persuaded. "
Then, after a while she asked, "Do you have a lover? " "No," said K.
"Oh, you must have," she said. "Well, I have really," said K. "Just
think, I've even betrayed her while I'm carrying her photograph with
me. " Leni insisted he show her a photograph of Elsa, and then, hunched
on his lap, studied the picture closely. The photograph was not one
that had been taken while Elsa was posing for it, it showed her just
after she had been in a wild dance such as she liked to do in wine bars,
her skirt was still flung out as she span round, she had placed her
hands on her firm hips and, with her neck held taut, looked to one side
with a laugh; you could not see from the picture whom her laugh was
intended for. "She's very tightly laced," said Leni, pointing to the
place where she thought this could be seen. "I don't like her, she's
clumsy and crude. But maybe she's gentle and friendly towards you,
that's the impression you get from the picture. Big, strong girls like
that often don't know how to be anything but gentle and friendly. Would
she be capable of sacrificing herself for you, though? " "No," said K. ,
"she isn't gentle or friendly, and nor would she be capable of
sacrificing herself for me. But I've never yet asked any of those
things of her. I've never looked at this picture as closely as you. "
"You can't think much of her, then," said Leni. "She can't be your lover
after all. " "Yes she is," said K. , "I'm not going to take my word back
on that. " "Well she might be your lover now, then," said Leni, "but you
wouldn't miss her much if you lost her or if you exchanged her for
somebody else, me for instance. " "That is certainly conceivable," said
K. with a smile, "but she does have one major advantage over you, she
knows nothing about my trial, and even if she did she wouldn't think
about it. She wouldn't try to persuade me to be less unyielding. " "Well
that's no advantage," said Leni. "If she's got no advantage other than
that, I can keep on hoping. Has she got any bodily defects? " "'Bodily
defects'? " asked K. "Yeah," said Leni, "as I do have a bodily defect,
just a little one. Look. " She spread the middle and ring fingers of
her right hand apart from each other. Between those fingers the flap of
skin connecting them reached up almost as far as the top joint of the
little finger. In the darkness, K. did not see at first what it was she
wanted to show him, so she led his hand to it so that he could feel.
"What a freak of nature," said K. , and when he had taken a look at the
whole hand he added, "What a pretty claw! " Leni looked on with a kind
of pride as K. repeatedly opened and closed her two fingers in
amazement, until, finally, he briefly kissed them and let go. "Oh! " she
immediately exclaimed, "you kissed me! " Hurriedly, and with her mouth
open, she clambered up K. 's lap with her knees. He was almost aghast as
he looked up at her, now that she was so close to him there was a
bitter, irritating smell from her, like pepper, she grasped his head,
leant out over him, and bit and kissed his neck, even biting into his
hair. "I've taken her place! " she exclaimed from time to time. "Just
look, now you've taken me instead of her! " Just then, her knee slipped
out and, with a little cry, she nearly fell down onto the carpet, K.
tried to hold her by putting his arms around her and was pulled down
with her. "Now you're mine," she said. Her last words to him as he
left were, "Here's the key to the door, come whenever you want", and she
planted an undirected kiss on his back. When he stepped out the front
door there was a light rain falling, he was about to go to the middle of
the street to see if he could still glimpse Leni at the window when K. 's
uncle leapt out of a car that K. , thinking of other things, had not seen
waiting outside the building. He took hold of K. by both arms and
shoved him against the door as if he wanted to nail him to it. "Young
man," he shouted, "how could you do a thing like that? ! Things were
going well with this business of yours, now you've caused it terrible
damage. You slip off with some dirty, little thing who, moreover, is
obviously the lawyer's beloved, and stay away for hours. You don't even
try to find an excuse, don't try to hide anything, no, you're quite open
about it, you run off with her and stay there. And meanwhile we're
sitting there, your uncle who's going to such effort for you, the lawyer
who needs to be won over to your side, and above all the office
director, a very important gentleman who is in direct command of your
affair in its present stage. We wanted to discuss how best to help you,
I had to handle the lawyer very carefully, he had to handle the office
director carefully, and you had most reason of all to at least give me
some support. Instead of which you stay away. Eventually we couldn't
keep up the pretence any longer, but these are polite and highly capable
men, they didn't say anything about it so as to spare my feelings but in
the end not even they could continue to force themselves and, as they
couldn't speak about the matter in hand, they became silent. We sat
there for several minutes, listening to see whether you wouldn't finally
come back. All in vain. In the end the office director stood up, as he
had stayed far longer than he had originally intended, made his
farewell, looked at me in sympathy without being able to help, he waited
at the door for a long time although it's more than I can understand why
he was being so good, and then he went. I, of course, was glad he'd
gone, I'd been holding my breath all this time. All this had even more
affect on the lawyer lying there ill, when I took my leave of him, the
good man, he was quite unable to speak. You have probably contributed
to his total collapse and so brought the very man who you are dependent
on closer to his death. And me, your own uncle, you leave me here in
the rain - just feel this, I'm wet right through - waiting here for
hours, sick with worry. "




Chapter Seven
Lawyer - Manufacturer - Painter

One winter morning - snow was falling in the dull light outside -
K. was sitting in his office, already extremely tired despite the early
hour. He had told the servitor he was engaged in a major piece of work
and none of the junior staff should be allowed in to see him, so he
would not be disturbed by them at least. But instead of working he
turned round in his chair, slowly moved various items around his desk,
but then, without being aware of it, he lay his arm stretched out on the
desk top and sat there immobile with his head sunk down on his chest.

He was no longer able to get the thought of the trial out of his
head. He had often wondered whether it might not be a good idea to work
out a written defence and hand it in to the court. It would contain a
short description of his life and explain why he had acted the way he
had at each event that was in any way important, whether he now
considered he had acted well or ill, and his reasons for each. There
was no doubt of the advantages a written defence of this sort would have
over relying on the lawyer, who was anyway not without his shortcomings.
K. had no idea what actions the lawyer was taking; it was certainly not
a lot, it was more than a month since the lawyer had summoned him, and
none of the previous discussions had given K. the impression that this
man would be able to do much for him. Most importantly, he had asked
him hardly any questions. And there were so many questions here to be
asked. Asking questions were the most important thing. K. had the
feeling that he would be able to ask all the questions needed here
himself. The lawyer, in contrast, did not ask questions but did all the
talking himself or sat silently facing him, leant forward slightly over
the desk, probably because he was hard of hearing, pulled on a strand of
hair in the middle of his beard and looked down at the carpet, perhaps
at the very spot where K. had lain with Leni. Now and then he would
give K. some vague warning of the sort you give to children. His
speeches were as pointless as they were boring, and K. decided that when
the final bill came he would pay not a penny for them. Once the lawyer
thought he had humiliated K. sufficiently, he usually started something
that would raise his spirits again. He had already, he would then say,
won many such cases, partly or in whole, cases which may not really have
been as difficult as this one but which, on the face of it, had even
less hope of success. He had a list of these cases here in the drawer -
here he would tap on one or other of the drawers in his desk - but
could, unfortunately, not show them to K. as they dealt with official
secrets. Nonetheless, the great experience he had acquired through all
these cases would, of course, be of benefit to K. He had, of course,
begun work straight away and was nearly ready to submit the first
documents. They would be very important because the first impression
made by the defence will often determine the whole course of the
proceedings. Unfortunately, though, he would still have to make it
clear to K. that the first documents submitted are sometimes not even
read by the court. They simply put them with the other documents and
point out that, for the time being, questioning and observing the
accused are much more important than anything written. If the applicant
becomes insistent, then they add that before they come to any decision,
as soon as all the material has been brought together, with due regard,
of course, to all the documents, then these first documents to have been
submitted will also be checked over. But unfortunately, even this is
not usually true, the first documents submitted are usually mislaid or
lost completely, and even if they do keep them right to the end they are
hardly read, although the lawyer only knew about this from rumour. This
is all very regrettable, but not entirely without its justifications.
But K. should not forget that the trial would not be public, if the
court deems it necessary it can be made public but there is no law that
says it has to be. As a result, the accused and his defence don't have
access even to the court records, and especially not to the indictment,
and that means we generally don't know - or at least not precisely -
what the first documents need to be about, which means that if they do
contain anything of relevance to the case it's only by a lucky
coincidence. If anything about the individual charges and the reasons
for them comes out clearly or can be guessed at while the accused is
being questioned, then it's possible to work out and submit documents
that really direct the issue and present proof, but not before.
Conditions like this, of course, place the defence in a very
unfavourable and difficult position. But that is what they intend. In
fact, defence is not really allowed under the law, it's only tolerated,
and there is even some dispute about whether the relevant parts of the
law imply even that. So strictly speaking, there is no such thing as a
counsel acknowledged by the court, and anyone who comes before this
court as counsel is basically no more than a barrack room lawyer. The
effect of all this, of course, is to remove the dignity of the whole
procedure, the next time K. is in the court offices he might like to
have a look in at the lawyers' room, just so that he's seen it. He
might well be quite shocked by the people he sees assembled there. The
room they've been allocated, with its narrow space and low ceiling, will
be enough to show what contempt the court has for these people. The
only light in the room comes through a little window that is so high up
that, if you want to look out of it, you first have to get one of your
colleagues to support you on his back, and even then the smoke from the
chimney just in front of it will go up your nose and make your face
black. In the floor of this room - to give yet another example of the
conditions there - there is a hole that's been there for more than a
year, it's not so big that a man could fall through, but it is big
enough for your foot to disappear through it. The lawyers' room is on
the second floor of the attic; if your foot does go through it will hang
down into the first floor of the attic underneath it, and right in the
corridor where the litigants are waiting. It's no exaggeration when
lawyers say that conditions like that are a disgrace. Complaints to the
management don't have the slightest effect, but the lawyers are strictly
forbidden to alter anything in the room at their own expense. But even
treating the lawyers in this way has its reasons. They want, as far as
possible, to prevent any kind of defence, everything should be made the
responsibility of the accused. Not a bad point of view, basically, but
nothing could be more mistaken than to think from that that lawyers are
not necessary for the accused in this court. On the contrary, there is
no court where they are less needed than here. This is because
proceedings are generally kept secret not only from the public but also
from the accused. Only as far as that is possible, of course, but it is
possible to a very large extent. And the accused doesn't get to see the
court records either, and it's very difficult to infer what's in the
court records from what's been said during questioning based on them,
especially for the accused who is in a difficult situation and is faced
with every possible worry to distract him. This is when the defence
begins. Counsel for the defence are not normally allowed to be present
while the accused is being questioned, so afterwards, and if possible
still at the door of the interview room, he has to learn what he can
about it from him and extract whatever he can that might be of use, even
though what the accused has to report is often very confused. But that
is not the most important thing, as there's really not a lot that can be
learned in this way, although in this, as with anything else, a
competent man will learn more than another. Nonetheless, the most
important thing is the lawyer's personal connections, that's where the
real value of taking counsel lies. Now K. will most likely have already
learned from his own experience that, among its very lowest orders, the
court organisation does have its imperfections, the court is strictly
closed to the public, but staff who forget their duty or who take bribes
do, to some extent, show where the gaps are. This is where most lawyers
will push their way in, this is where bribes are paid and information
extracted, there have even, in earlier times at least, been incidents
where documents have been stolen. There's no denying that some
surprisingly favourable results have been attained for the accused in
this way, for a limited time, and these petty advocates then strut to
and fro on the basis of them and attract new clients, but for the
further course of the proceedings it signifies either nothing or nothing
good. The only things of real value are honest personal contacts,
contacts with higher officials, albeit higher officials of the lower
grades, you understand. That is the only way the progress of the trial
can be influenced, hardly noticeable at first, it's true, but from then
on it becomes more and more visible. There are, of course, not many
lawyers who can do this, and K. has made a very good choice in this
matter. There were probably no more than one or two who had as many
contacts as Dr. Huld, but they don't bother with the company of the
lawyers' room and have nothing to do with it. This means they have all
the less contact with the court officials. It is not at all necessary
for Dr. Huld to go to the court, wait in the ante-rooms for the
examining judges to turn up, if they turn up, and try to achieve
something which, according to the judges' mood is usually more apparent
than real and most often not even that. No, K. has seen for himself
that the court officials, including some who are quite high up, come
forward without being asked, are glad to give information which is fully
open or at least easy to understand, they discuss the next stages in the
proceedings, in fact in some cases they can be won over and are quite
willing to adopt the other person's point of view. However, when this
happens, you should never trust them too far, as however firmly they may
have declared this new point of view in favour of the defendant they
might well go straight back to their offices and write a report for the
court that says just the opposite, and might well be even harder on the
defendant than the original view, the one they insist they've been fully
dissuaded from. And, of course, there's no way of defending yourself
from this, something said in private is indeed in private and cannot
then be used in public, it's not something that makes it easy for the
defence to keep those gentlemen's favour. On the other hand, it's also
true that the gentlemen don't become involved with the defence - which
will of course be done with great expertise - just for philanthropic
reasons or in order to be friendly, in some respects it would be truer
to say that they, too, have it allocated to them. This is where the
disadvantages of a court structure that, right from the start,
stipulates that all proceedings take place in private, come into force.
In normal, mediocre trials its officials have contact with the public,
and they're very well equipped for it, but here they don't; normal
trials run their course all by themselves, almost, and just need a nudge
here and there; but when they're faced with cases that are especially
difficult they're as lost as they often are with ones that are very
simple; they're forced to spend all their time, day and night, with
their laws, and so they don't have the right feel for human
relationships, and that's a serious shortcoming in cases like this.
That's when they come for advice to the lawyer, with a servant behind
them carrying the documents which normally are kept so secret. You
could have seen many gentlemen at this window, gentlemen of whom you
would least expect it, staring out this window in despair on the street
below while the lawyer is at his desk studying the documents so that he
can give them good advice. And at times like that it's also possible to
see how exceptionally seriously these gentlemen take their professions
and how they are thrown into great confusion by difficulties which it's
just not in their natures to overcome. But they're not in an easy
position, to regard their positions as easy would be to do them an
injustice. The different ranks and hierarchies of the court are
endless, and even someone who knows his way around them cannot always
tell what's going to happen. But even for the junior officials, the
proceedings in the courtrooms are usually kept secret, so they are
hardly able to see how the cases they work with proceed, court affairs
appear in their range of vision often without their knowing where they
come from and they move on further without their learning where they go.
So civil servants like this are not able to learn the things you can
learn from studying the successive stages that individual trials go
through, the final verdict or the reasons for it. They're only allowed
to deal with that part of the trial which the law allocates them, and
they usually know less about the results of their work after it's left
them than the defence does, even though the defence will usually stay in
contact with the accused until the trial is nearly at its end, so that
the court officials can learn many useful things from the defence.
Bearing all this in mind, does it still surprise K. that the officials
are irritated and often express themselves about the litigants in
unflattering ways - which is an experience shared by everyone. All the
officials are irritated, even when they appear calm. This causes many
difficulties for the junior advocates, of course. There is a story, for
instance, that has very much the ring of truth about it. It goes like
this: One of the older officials, a good and peaceful man, was dealing
with a difficult matter for the court which had become very confused,
especially thanks to the contributions from the lawyers. He had been
studying it for a day and a night without a break - as these officials
are indeed hard working, no-one works as hard as they do. When it was
nearly morning, and he had been working for twenty-four hours with
probably very little result, he went to the front entrance, waited there
in ambush, and every time a lawyer tried to enter the building he would
throw him down the steps. The lawyers gathered together down in front
of the steps and discussed with each other what they should do; on the
one hand they had actually no right to be allowed into the building so
that there was hardly anything that they could legally do to the
official and, as I've already mentioned, they would have to be careful
not to set all the officials against them. On the other hand, any day
not spent in court is a day lost for them and it was a matter of some
importance to force their way inside. In the end, they agreed that they
would try to tire the old man out. One lawyer after another was sent
out to run up the steps and let himself be thrown down again, offering
what resistance he could as long as it was passive resistance, and his
colleagues would catch him at the bottom of the steps. That went on for
about an hour until the old gentleman, who was already exhausted from
working all night, was very tired and went back to his office. Those
who were at the bottom of the steps could not believe it at first, so
they sent somebody out to go and look behind the door to see if there
really was no-one there, and only then did they all gather together and
probably didn't even dare to complain, as it's far from being the
lawyers' job to introduce any improvements in the court system, or even
to want to. Even the most junior lawyer can understand the relationship
there to some extent, but one significant point is that almost every
defendant, even very simple people, begins to think of suggestions for
improving the court as soon as his proceedings have begun, many of them
often even spend time and energy on the matter that could be spent far
better elsewhere. The only right thing to do is to learn how to deal
with the situation as it is. Even if it were possible to improve any
detail of it - which is anyway no more than superstitious nonsense - the
best that they could achieve, although doing themselves incalculable
harm in the process, is that they will have attracted the special
attention of the officials for any case that comes up in the future, and
the officials are always ready to seek revenge. Never attract attention
to yourself! Stay calm, however much it goes against your character!
Try to gain some insight into the size of the court organism and how, to
some extent, it remains in a state of suspension, and that even if you
alter something in one place you'll draw the ground out from under your
feet and might fall, whereas if an enormous organism like the court is
disrupted in any one place it finds it easy to provide a substitute for
itself somewhere else. Everything is connected with everything else and
will continue without any change or else, which is quite probable, even
more closed, more attentive, more strict, more malevolent. So it's best
to leave the work to the lawyers and not to keep disturbing them. It
doesn't do much good to make accusations, especially if you can't make
it clear what they're based on and their full significance, but it must
be said that K. caused a great deal of harm to his own case by his
behaviour towards the office director, he was a very influential man but
now he might as well be struck off the list of those who might do
anything for K. If the trial is mentioned, even just in passing, it's
quite obvious that he's ignoring it. These officials are in many ways
just like children. Often, something quite harmless - although K. 's
behaviour could unfortunately not be called harmless - will leave them
feeling so offended that they will even stop talking with good friends
of theirs, they turn away when they see them and do everything they can
to oppose them.
But then, with no particular reason, surprisingly
enough, some little joke that was only ever attempted because everything
seemed so hopeless will make them laugh and they'll be reconciled.
It's both difficult and hard at the same time to deal with them, and
there's hardly any reason for it. It's sometimes quite astonishing that
a single, average life is enough to encompass so much that it's at all
possible ever to have any success in one's work here. On the other
hand, there are also dark moments, such as everyone has, when you think
you've achieved nothing at all, when it seems that the only trials to
come to a good end are those that were determined to have a good end
from the start and would do so without any help, while all the others
are lost despite all the running to and fro, all the effort, all the
little, apparent successes that gave such joy. Then you no longer feel
very sure of anything and, if asked about a trial that was doing well by
its own nature but which was turned for the worse because you assisted
in it, would not even dare deny that. And even that is a kind of self-
confidence, but then it's the only one that's left. Lawyers are
especially vulnerable to fits of depression of that sort - and they are
no more than fits of depression of course - when a case is suddenly
taken out of their hands after they've been conducting it satisfactorily
for some time. That's probably the worst that can happen to a lawyer.
It's not that the accused takes the case away from him, that hardly ever
happens, once a defendant has taken on a certain lawyer he has to stay
with him whatever happens. How could he ever carry on by himself after
he's taken on help from a lawyer? No, that just doesn't happen, but
what does sometimes happen is that the trial takes on a course where the
lawyer may not go along with it. Client and trial are both simply taken
away from the lawyer; and then even contact with the court officials
won't help, however good they are, as they don't know anything
themselves. The trial will have entered a stage where no more help can
be given, where it's being processed in courts to which no-one has any
access, where the defendant cannot even be contacted by his lawyer. You
come home one day and find all the documents you've submitted, which
you've worked hard to create and which you had the best hopes for, lying
on the desk, they've been sent back as they can't be carried through to
the next stage in the trial, they're just worthless scraps of paper. It
doesn't mean that the case has been lost, not at all, or at least there
is no decisive reason for supposing so, it's just that you don't know
anything more about the case and won't be told anything of what's
happening. Well, cases like that are the exceptions, I'm glad to say,
and even if K. 's trial is one of them, it's still, for the time being, a
long way off. But there was still plenty of opportunity for lawyers to
get to work, and K. could be sure they would be made use of. As he had
said, the time for submitting documents was still in the future and
there was no rush to prepare them, it was much more important to start
the initial discussions with the appropriate officials, and they had
already taken place. With varying degrees of success, it must be said.
It was much better not to give away any details before their time, as in
that way K. could only be influenced unfavourably and his hopes might be
raised or he might be made too anxious, better just to say that some
individuals have spoken very favourably and shown themselves very
willing to help, although others have spoken less favourably, but even
they have not in any way refused to help. So all in all, the results
are very encouraging, only you should certainly not draw any particular
conclusions as all preliminary proceedings begin in the same way and it
was only the way they developed further that would show what the value
of these preliminary proceedings has been. Anyway, nothing has been
lost yet, and if we can succeed in getting the office director, despite
everything, on our side - and several actions have been undertaken to
this end - then everything is a clean wound, as a surgeon would say, and
we can wait for the results with some comfort.

When he started talking on in this way the lawyer was quite
tireless. He went through it all again every time K. went to see him.
There was always some progress, but he could never be told what sort of
progress it was. The first set of documents to be submitted were being
worked on but still not ready, which usually turned out to be a great
advantage the next time K. went to see him as the earlier occasion would
have been a very bad time to put them in, which they could not then have
known. If K. , stupefied from all this talking, ever pointed out that
even considering all these difficulties progress was very slow, the
lawyer would object that progress was not slow at all, but that they
might have progressed far further if K. had come to him at the right
time. But he had come to him late and that lateness would bring still
further difficulties, and not only where time was concerned. The only
welcome interruption during these visits was always when Leni contrived
to bring the lawyer his tea while K. was there. Then she would stand
behind K. - pretending to watch the lawyer as he bent greedily over his
cup, poured the tea in and drank - and secretly let K. hold her hand.
There was always complete silence. The lawyer drank. K. squeezed
Leni's hand and Leni would sometimes dare to gently stroke K. 's hair.
"Still here, are you? " the lawyer would ask when he was ready. "I
wanted to take the dishes away," said Leni, they would give each other's
hands a final squeeze, the lawyer would wipe his mouth and then start
talking at K. again with renewed energy.

Was the lawyer trying to comfort K. or to confuse him? K. could
not tell, but it seemed clear to him that his defence was not in good
hands. Maybe everything the lawyer said was quite right, even though he
obviously wanted to make himself as conspicuous as possible and probably
had never even taken on a case as important as he said K. 's was. But it
was still suspicious how he continually mentioned his personal contacts
with the civil servants. Were they to be exploited solely for K. 's
benefit? The lawyer never forgot to mention that they were dealing only
with junior officials, which meant officials who were dependent on
others, and the direction taken in each trial could be important for
their own furtherment. Could it be that they were making use of the
lawyer to turn trials in a certain direction, which would, of course,
always be at the cost of the defendant? It certainly did not mean that
they would do that in every trial, that was not likely at all, and there
were probably also trials where they gave the lawyer advantages and all
the room he needed to turn it in the direction he wanted, as it would
also be to their advantage to keep his reputation intact. If that
really was their relationship, how would they direct K. 's trial which,
as the lawyer had explained, was especially difficult and therefore
important enough to attract great attention from the very first time it
came to court? There could not be much doubt about what they would do.
The first signs of it could already be seen in the fact that the first
documents still had not been submitted even though the trial had already
lasted several months, and that, according to the lawyer, everything was
still in its initial stages, which was very effective, of course, in
making the defendant passive and keeping him helpless. Then he could be
suddenly surprised with the verdict, or at least with a notification
that the hearing had not decided in his favour and the matter would be
passed on to a higher office.

It was essential that K. take a hand in it himself. On winter's
mornings such as this, when he was very tired and everything dragged
itself lethargically through his head, this belief of his seemed
irrefutable. He no longer felt the contempt for the trial that he had
had earlier. If he had been alone in the world it would have been easy
for him to ignore it, although it was also certain that, in that case,
the trial would never have arisen in the first place. But now, his
uncle had already dragged him to see the lawyer, he had to take account
of his family; his job was no longer totally separate from the progress
of the trial, he himself had carelessly - with a certain, inexplicable
complacency - mentioned it to acquaintances and others had learned about
it in ways he did not know, his relationship with Miss Burstner seemed
to be in trouble because of it. In short, he no longer had any choice
whether he would accept the trial or turn it down, he was in the middle
of it and had to defend himself. If he was tired, then that was bad.

But there was no reason to worry too much before he needed to. He
had been capable of working himself up to his high position in the bank
in a relatively short time and to retain it with respect from everyone,
now he simply had to apply some of the talents that had made that
possible for him to the trial, and there was no doubt that it had to
turn out well. The most important thing, if something was to be
achieved, was to reject in advance any idea that he might be in any way
guilty. There was no guilt. The trial was nothing but a big piece of
business, just like he had already concluded to the benefit of the bank
many times, a piece of business that concealed many lurking dangers
waiting in ambush for him, as they usually did, and these dangers would
need to be defended against. If that was to be achieved then he must
not entertain any idea of guilt, whatever he did, he would need to look
after his own interests as closely as he could. Seen in this way, there
was no choice but to take his representation away from the lawyer very
soon, at best that very evening. The lawyer had told him, as he talked
to him, that that was something unheard of and would probably do him a
great deal of harm, but K. could not tolerate any impediment to his
efforts where his trial was concerned, and these impediments were
probably caused by the lawyer himself. But once he had shaken off the
lawyer the documents would need to be submitted straight away and, if
possible, he would need to see to it that they were being dealt with
every day. It would of course not be enough, if that was to be done,
for K. to sit in the corridor with his hat under the bench like the
others. Day after day, he himself, or one of the women or somebody else
on his behalf, would have to run after the officials and force them to
sit at their desks and study K. 's documents instead of looking out on
the corridor through the grating. There could be no let-up in these
efforts, everything would need to be organised and supervised, it was
about time that the court came up against a defendant who knew how to
defend and make use of his rights.

But when K. had the confidence to try and do all this the
difficulty of composing the documents was too much for him. Earlier,
just a week or so before, he could only have felt shame at the thought
of being made to write out such documents himself; it had never entered
his head that the task could also be difficult. He remembered one
morning when, already piled up with work, he suddenly shoved everything
to one side and took a pad of paper on which he sketched out some of his
thoughts on how documents of this sort should proceed. Perhaps he would
offer them to that slow-witted lawyer, but just then the door of the
manager's office opened and the deputy-director entered the room with a
loud laugh. K. was very embarrassed, although the deputy-director, of
course, was not laughing at K. 's documents, which he knew nothing about,
but at a joke he had just heard about the stock-exchange, a joke which
needed an illustration if it was to be understood, and now the deputy-
director leant over K. 's desk, took his pencil from his hand, and drew
the illustration on the writing pad that K. had intended for his ideas
about his case.

K. now had no more thoughts of shame, the documents had to be
prepared and submitted. If, as was very likely, he could find no time
to do it in the office he would have to do it at home at night. If the
nights weren't enough he would have to take a holiday. Above all, he could
not stop half way, that was nonsense not only in business but always and
everywhere. Needless to say, the documents would mean an almost endless
amount of work. It was easy to come to the belief, not only for those
of an anxious disposition, that it was impossible ever to finish it.
This was not because of laziness or deceit, which were the only things
that might have hindered the lawyer in preparing it, but because he did
not know what the charge was or even what consequences it might bring,
so that he had to remember every tiny action and event from the whole of
his life, looking at them from all sides and checking and reconsidering
them. It was also a very disheartening job. It would have been more
suitable as a way of passing the long days after he had retired and
become senile. But now, just when K. needed to apply all his thoughts
to his work, when he was still rising and already posed a threat to the
deputy-director, when every hour passed so quickly and he wanted to
enjoy the brief evenings and nights as a young man, this was the time he
had to start working out these documents. Once more, he began to feel
resentment. Almost involuntarily, only to put an end to it, his finger
felt for the button of the electric bell in the ante-room. As he
pressed it he glanced up to the clock. It was eleven o'clock, two
hours, he had spent a great deal of his costly time just dreaming and
his wits were, of course, even more dulled than they had been before.
But the time had, nonetheless, not been wasted, he had come to some
decisions that could be of value. As well as various pieces of mail,
the servitors brought two visiting cards from gentlemen who had already
been waiting for K. for some time. They were actually very important
clients of the bank who should not really have been kept waiting under
any circumstances. Why had they come at such an awkward time, and why,
the gentlemen on the other side of the closed door seemed to be asking,
was the industrious K. using up the best business time for his private
affairs? Tired from what had gone before, and tired in anticipation of
what was to follow, K. stood up to receive the first of them.

He was a short, jolly man, a manufacturer who K. knew well. He
apologised for disturbing K. at some important work, and K. , for his
part, apologised for having kept the manufacturer waiting for so long.
But even this apology was spoken in such a mechanical way and with such
false intonation that the manufacturer would certainly have noticed if
he had not been fully preoccupied with his business affairs. Instead,
he hurriedly pulled calculations and tables out from all his pockets,
spread them out in front of K. , explained several items, corrected a
little mistake in the arithmetic that he noticed as he quickly glanced
over it all, and reminded K. of a similar piece of business he'd
concluded with him about a year before, mentioning in passing that this
time there was another bank spending great effort to get his business,
and finally stopped speaking in order to learn K. 's opinion on the
matter. And K. had indeed, at first, been closely following what the
manufacturer was saying, he too was aware of how important the deal was,
but unfortunately it did not last, he soon stopped listening, nodded at
each of the manufacturer's louder exclamations for a short while, but
eventually he stopped doing even that and did no more than stare at the
bald head bent over the papers, asking himself when the manufacturer
would finally realise that everything he was saying was useless. When
he did stop talking, K. really thought at first that this was so that he
would have the chance to confess that he was incapable of listening.
Instead, seeing the anticipation on the manufacturer's face, obviously
ready to counter any objections made, he was sorry to realise that the
business discussion had to be continued. So he bent his head as if he'd
been given an order and began slowly to move his pencil over the papers,
now and then he would stop and stare at one of the figures. The
manufacturer thought there must be some objection, perhaps his figures
weren't really sound, perhaps they weren't the decisive issue, whatever
he thought, the manufacturer covered the papers with his hand and began
once again, moving very close to K. , to explain what the deal was all
about. "It is difficult," said K. , pursing his lips. The only thing
that could offer him any guidance were the papers, and the manufacturer
had covered them from his view, so he just sank back against the arm of
the chair. Even when the door of the manager's office opened and
revealed not very clearly, as if through a veil, the deputy director, he
did no more than look up weakly. K. thought no more about the matter,
he merely watched the immediate effect of the deputy director's
appearance and, for him, the effect was very pleasing; the manufacturer
immediately jumped up from his seat and hurried over to meet the deputy
director, although K. would have liked to make him ten times livelier as
he feared the deputy director might disappear again. He need not have
worried, the two gentlemen met each other, shook each other's hand and
went together over to K. 's desk. The manufacturer said he was sorry to
find the chief clerk so little inclined to do business, pointing to K.
who, under the view of the deputy director, had bent back down over the
papers. As the two men leant over the desk and the manufacturer made
some effort to gain and keep the deputy director's attention, K. felt as
if they were much bigger than they really were and that their
negotiations were about him. Carefully and slowly turning his eyes
upwards, he tried to learn what was taking place above him, took one of
the papers from his desk without looking to see what it was, lay it on
the flat of his hand and raised it slowly up as he rose up to the level
of the two men himself. He had no particular plan in mind as he did
this, but merely felt this was how he would act if only he had finished
preparing that great document that was to remove his burden entirely.
The deputy director had been paying all his attention to the
conversation and did no more than glance at the paper, he did not read
what was written on it at all as what was important for the chief clerk
was not important for him, he took it from K. 's hand saying, "Thank you,
I'm already familiar with everything", and lay it calmly back on the
desk. K. gave him a bitter, sideways look. But the deputy director did
not notice this at all, or if he did notice it it only raised his
spirits, he frequently laughed out loud, one time he clearly embarrassed
the manufacturer when he raised an objection in a witty way but drew him
immediately back out of his embarrassment by commenting adversely on
himself, and finally invited him into his office where they could bring
the matter to its conclusion. "It's a very important matter," said the
manufacturer. "I understand that completely. And I'm sure the chief
clerk . . . " - even as he said this he was actually speaking only to the
manufacturer - "will be very glad to have us take it off his hands.
This is something that needs calm consideration. But he seems to be
over-burdened today, there are even some people in the room outside
who've been waiting there for hours for him. " K. still had enough
control of himself to turn away from the deputy director and direct his
friendly, albeit stiff, smile only at the manufacturer, he made no other
retaliation, bent down slightly and supported himself with both hands on
his desk like a clerk, and watched as the two gentlemen, still talking,
took the papers from his desk and disappeared into the manager's office.
In the doorway, the manufacturer turned and said he wouldn't make his
farewell with K. just yet, he would of course let the chief clerk know
about the success of his discussions but he also had a little something
to tell him about.

At last, K. was by himself. It did not enter his head to show
anyone else into his office and only became vaguely aware of how nice it
was that the people outside thought he was still negotiating with the
manufacturer and, for this reason, he could not let anyone in to see
him, not even the servitor. He went over to the window, sat down on the
ledge beside it, held firmly on to the handle and looked down onto the
square outside. The snow was still falling, the weather still had not
brightened up at all.

He remained a long time sitting in this way, not knowing what it
actually was that made him so anxious, only occasionally did he glance,
slightly startled, over his shoulder at the door to the outer room
where, mistakenly, he thought he'd heard some noise. No-one came, and
that made him feel calmer, he went over to the wash stand, rinsed his
face with cold water and, his head somewhat clearer, went back to his
place by the window. The decision to take his defence into his own
hands now seemed more of a burden than he had originally assumed. All
the while he had left his defence up to the lawyer his trial had had
little basic affect on him, he had observed it from afar as something
that was scarcely able to reach him directly, when it suited him he
looked to see how things stood but he was also able to draw his head
back again whenever he wanted. Now, in contrast, if he was to conduct
his defence himself, he would have to devote himself entirely to the
court - for the time being, at least - success would mean, later on, his
complete and conclusive liberation, but if he was to achieve this he
would have to place himself, to start with, in far greater danger than
he had been in so far. If he ever felt tempted to doubt this, then his
experience with the deputy director and the manufacturer that day would
be quite enough to convince him of it. How could he have sat there
totally convinced of the need to do his own defence? How would it be
later? What would his life be like in the days ahead? Would he find
the way through it all to a happy conclusion? Did a carefully worked
out defence - and any other sort would have made no sense - did a
carefully worked out defence not also mean he would need to shut himself
off from everything else as much as he could? Would he survive that?
And how was he to succeed in conducting all this at the bank? It
involved much more than just submitting some documents that he could
probably prepare in a few days' leave, although it would have been great
temerity to ask for time off from the bank just at that time, it was a
whole trial and there was no way of seeing how long it might last. This
was an enormous difficulty that had suddenly been thrown into K. 's life!

And was he supposed to be doing the bank's work at a time like
this? He looked down at his desk. Was he supposed to let people in to
see him and go into negotiations with them at a time like this? While
his trial trundled on, while the court officials upstairs in the attic
room sat looking at the papers for this trial, should he be worrying
about the business of the bank? Did this not seem like a kind of
torture, acknowledged by the court, connected with the trial and which
followed him around? And is it likely that anyone in the bank, when
judging his work, would take any account of his peculiar situation? No-
one and never.