No More Learning

'

'Nearly ready to run about, Nell! ' he replied, putting on a cheerful
smile.

'And the mistress? ' I ventured to inquire; 'the doctor says she's--'

'Damn the doctor! ' he interrupted, reddening. 'Frances is quite right:
she'll be perfectly well by this time next week. Are you going
up-stairs? will you tell her that I'll come, if she'll promise not to
talk. I left her because she would not hold her tongue; and she
must--tell her Mr. Kenneth says she must be quiet. '

I delivered this message to Mrs. Earnshaw; she seemed in flighty spirits,
and replied merrily, 'I hardly spoke a word, Ellen, and there he has gone
out twice, crying. Well, say I promise I won't speak: but that does not
bind me not to laugh at him! '

Poor soul! Till within a week of her death that gay heart never failed
her; and her husband persisted doggedly, nay, furiously, in affirming her
health improved every day. When Kenneth warned him that his medicines
were useless at that stage of the malady, and he needn't put him to
further expense by attending her, he retorted, 'I know you need not--she's
well--she does not want any more attendance from you! She never was in a
consumption. It was a fever; and it is gone: her pulse is as slow as
mine now, and her cheek as cool. '

He told his wife the same story, and she seemed to believe him; but one
night, while leaning on his shoulder, in the act of saying she thought
she should be able to get up to-morrow, a fit of coughing took her--a
very slight one--he raised her in his arms; she put her two hands about
his neck, her face changed, and she was dead.

As the girl had anticipated, the child Hareton fell wholly into my hands.
Mr. Earnshaw, provided he saw him healthy and never heard him cry, was
contented, as far as regarded him. For himself, he grew desperate: his
sorrow was of that kind that will not lament. He neither wept nor
prayed; he cursed and defied: execrated God and man, and gave himself up
to reckless dissipation. The servants could not bear his tyrannical and
evil conduct long: Joseph and I were the only two that would stay. I had
not the heart to leave my charge; and besides, you know, I had been his
foster-sister, and excused his behaviour more readily than a stranger
would. Joseph remained to hector over tenants and labourers; and because
it was his vocation to be where he had plenty of wickedness to reprove.

The master's bad ways and bad companions formed a pretty example for
Catherine and Heathcliff. His treatment of the latter was enough to make
a fiend of a saint. And, truly, it appeared as if the lad _were_
possessed of something diabolical at that period. He delighted to
witness Hindley degrading himself past redemption; and became daily more
notable for savage sullenness and ferocity. I could not half tell what
an infernal house we had. The curate dropped calling, and nobody decent
came near us, at last; unless Edgar Linton's visits to Miss Cathy might
be an exception. At fifteen she was the queen of the country-side; she
had no peer; and she did turn out a haughty, headstrong creature! I own
I did not like her, after infancy was past; and I vexed her frequently by
trying to bring down her arrogance: she never took an aversion to me,
though. She had a wondrous constancy to old attachments: even Heathcliff
kept his hold on her affections unalterably; and young Linton, with all
his superiority, found it difficult to make an equally deep impression.
He was my late master: that is his portrait over the fireplace. It used
to hang on one side, and his wife's on the other; but hers has been
removed, or else you might see something of what she was. Can you make
that out?

Mrs. Dean raised the candle, and I discerned a soft-featured face,
exceedingly resembling the young lady at the Heights, but more pensive
and amiable in expression. It formed a sweet picture. The long light
hair curled slightly on the temples; the eyes were large and serious; the
figure almost too graceful. I did not marvel how Catherine Earnshaw
could forget her first friend for such an individual. I marvelled much
how he, with a mind to correspond with his person, could fancy my idea of
Catherine Earnshaw.

'A very agreeable portrait,' I observed to the house-keeper. 'Is it
like? '

'Yes,' she answered; 'but he looked better when he was animated; that is
his everyday countenance: he wanted spirit in general. '

Catherine had kept up her acquaintance with the Lintons since her
five-weeks' residence among them; and as she had no temptation to show
her rough side in their company, and had the sense to be ashamed of
being rude where she experienced such invariable courtesy, she imposed
unwittingly on the old lady and gentleman by her ingenious cordiality;
gained the admiration of Isabella, and the heart and soul of her
brother: acquisitions that flattered her from the first--for she was
full of ambition--and led her to adopt a double character without
exactly intending to deceive any one. In the place where she heard
Heathcliff termed a 'vulgar young ruffian,' and 'worse than a brute,'
she took care not to act like him; but at home she had small inclination
to practise politeness that would only be laughed at, and restrain an
unruly nature when it would bring her neither credit nor praise.

Mr. Edgar seldom mustered courage to visit Wuthering Heights openly. He
had a terror of Earnshaw's reputation, and shrunk from encountering him;
and yet he was always received with our best attempts at civility: the
master himself avoided offending him, knowing why he came; and if he
could not be gracious, kept out of the way. I rather think his
appearance there was distasteful to Catherine; she was not artful, never
played the coquette, and had evidently an objection to her two friends
meeting at all; for when Heathcliff expressed contempt of Linton in his
presence, she could not half coincide, as she did in his absence; and
when Linton evinced disgust and antipathy to Heathcliff, she dared not
treat his sentiments with indifference, as if depreciation of her
playmate were of scarcely any consequence to her. I've had many a laugh
at her perplexities and untold troubles, which she vainly strove to hide
from my mockery. That sounds ill-natured: but she was so proud it became
really impossible to pity her distresses, till she should be chastened
into more humility. She did bring herself, finally, to confess, and to
confide in me: there was not a soul else that she might fashion into an
adviser.

Mr. Hindley had gone from home one afternoon, and Heathcliff presumed to
give himself a holiday on the strength of it. He had reached the age of
sixteen then, I think, and without having bad features, or being
deficient in intellect, he contrived to convey an impression of inward
and outward repulsiveness that his present aspect retains no traces of.
In the first place, he had by that time lost the benefit of his early
education: continual hard work, begun soon and concluded late, had
extinguished any curiosity he once possessed in pursuit of knowledge, and
any love for books or learning. His childhood's sense of superiority,
instilled into him by the favours of old Mr. Earnshaw, was faded away. He
struggled long to keep up an equality with Catherine in her studies, and
yielded with poignant though silent regret: but he yielded completely;
and there was no prevailing on him to take a step in the way of moving
upward, when he found he must, necessarily, sink beneath his former
level. Then personal appearance sympathised with mental deterioration:
he acquired a slouching gait and ignoble look; his naturally reserved
disposition was exaggerated into an almost idiotic excess of unsociable
moroseness; and he took a grim pleasure, apparently, in exciting the
aversion rather than the esteem of his few acquaintances.

Catherine and he were constant companions still at his seasons of respite
from labour; but he had ceased to express his fondness for her in words,
and recoiled with angry suspicion from her girlish caresses, as if
conscious there could be no gratification in lavishing such marks of
affection on him. On the before-named occasion he came into the house to
announce his intention of doing nothing, while I was assisting Miss Cathy
to arrange her dress: she had not reckoned on his taking it into his head
to be idle; and imagining she would have the whole place to herself, she
managed, by some means, to inform Mr. Edgar of her brother's absence, and
was then preparing to receive him.

'Cathy, are you busy this afternoon? ' asked Heathcliff. 'Are you going
anywhere? '

'No, it is raining,' she answered.

'Why have you that silk frock on, then? ' he said. 'Nobody coming here, I
hope? '

'Not that I know of,' stammered Miss: 'but you should be in the field
now, Heathcliff. It is an hour past dinnertime: I thought you were
gone. '

'Hindley does not often free us from his accursed presence,' observed the
boy. 'I'll not work any more to-day: I'll stay with you. '

'Oh, but Joseph will tell,' she suggested; 'you'd better go! '

'Joseph is loading lime on the further side of Penistone Crags; it will
take him till dark, and he'll never know. '

So, saying, he lounged to the fire, and sat down. Catherine reflected an
instant, with knitted brows--she found it needful to smooth the way for
an intrusion. 'Isabella and Edgar Linton talked of calling this
afternoon,' she said, at the conclusion of a minute's silence. 'As it
rains, I hardly expect them; but they may come, and if they do, you run
the risk of being scolded for no good. '

'Order Ellen to say you are engaged, Cathy,' he persisted; 'don't turn me
out for those pitiful, silly friends of yours! I'm on the point,
sometimes, of complaining that they--but I'll not--'

'That they what? ' cried Catherine, gazing at him with a troubled
countenance. 'Oh, Nelly! ' she added petulantly, jerking her head away
from my hands, 'you've combed my hair quite out of curl! That's enough;
let me alone. What are you on the point of complaining about,
Heathcliff? '

'Nothing--only look at the almanack on that wall;' he pointed to a framed
sheet hanging near the window, and continued, 'The crosses are for the
evenings you have spent with the Lintons, the dots for those spent with
me. Do you see? I've marked every day. '

'Yes--very foolish: as if I took notice! ' replied Catherine, in a peevish
tone. 'And where is the sense of that? '

'To show that I _do_ take notice,' said Heathcliff.

'And should I always be sitting with you? ' she demanded, growing more
irritated. 'What good do I get? What do you talk about? You might be
dumb, or a baby, for anything you say to amuse me, or for anything you
do, either! '

'You never told me before that I talked too little, or that you disliked
my company, Cathy! ' exclaimed Heathcliff, in much agitation.

'It's no company at all, when people know nothing and say nothing,' she
muttered.

Her companion rose up, but he hadn't time to express his feelings
further, for a horse's feet were heard on the flags, and having knocked
gently, young Linton entered, his face brilliant with delight at the
unexpected summon she had received. Doubtless Catherine marked the
difference between her friends, as one came in and the other went out.
The contrast resembled what you see in exchanging a bleak, hilly, coal
country for a beautiful fertile valley; and his voice and greeting were
as opposite as his aspect. He had a sweet, low manner of speaking, and
pronounced his words as you do: that's less gruff than we talk here, and
softer.

'I'm not come too soon, am I? ' he said, casting a look at me: I had begun
to wipe the plate, and tidy some drawers at the far end in the dresser.

'No,' answered Catherine. 'What are you doing there, Nelly? '

'My work, Miss,' I replied. (Mr. Hindley had given me directions to make
a third party in any private visits Linton chose to pay. )

She stepped behind me and whispered crossly, 'Take yourself and your
dusters off; when company are in the house, servants don't commence
scouring and cleaning in the room where they are! '

'It's a good opportunity, now that master is away,' I answered aloud: 'he
hates me to be fidgeting over these things in his presence. I'm sure Mr.
Edgar will excuse me. '

'I hate you to be fidgeting in _my_ presence,' exclaimed the young lady
imperiously, not allowing her guest time to speak: she had failed to
recover her equanimity since the little dispute with Heathcliff.

'I'm sorry for it, Miss Catherine,' was my response; and I proceeded
assiduously with my occupation.

She, supposing Edgar could not see her, snatched the cloth from my hand,
and pinched me, with a prolonged wrench, very spitefully on the arm. I've
said I did not love her, and rather relished mortifying her vanity now
and then: besides, she hurt me extremely; so I started up from my knees,
and screamed out, 'Oh, Miss, that's a nasty trick! You have no right to
nip me, and I'm not going to bear it. '

'I didn't touch you, you lying creature! ' cried she, her fingers tingling
to repeat the act, and her ears red with rage. She never had power to
conceal her passion, it always set her whole complexion in a blaze.

'What's that, then? ' I retorted, showing a decided purple witness to
refute her.

She stamped her foot, wavered a moment, and then, irresistibly impelled
by the naughty spirit within her, slapped me on the cheek: a stinging
blow that filled both eyes with water.

'Catherine, love! Catherine! ' interposed Linton, greatly shocked at the
double fault of falsehood and violence which his idol had committed.

'Leave the room, Ellen! ' she repeated, trembling all over.

Little Hareton, who followed me everywhere, and was sitting near me on
the floor, at seeing my tears commenced crying himself, and sobbed out
complaints against 'wicked aunt Cathy,' which drew her fury on to his
unlucky head: she seized his shoulders, and shook him till the poor child
waxed livid, and Edgar thoughtlessly laid hold of her hands to deliver
him. In an instant one was wrung free, and the astonished young man felt
it applied over his own ear in a way that could not be mistaken for jest.
He drew back in consternation. I lifted Hareton in my arms, and walked
off to the kitchen with him, leaving the door of communication open, for
I was curious to watch how they would settle their disagreement. The
insulted visitor moved to the spot where he had laid his hat, pale and
with a quivering lip.

'That's right! ' I said to myself. 'Take warning and begone! It's a
kindness to let you have a glimpse of her genuine disposition. '

'Where are you going? ' demanded Catherine, advancing to the door.

He swerved aside, and attempted to pass.

'You must not go! ' she exclaimed, energetically.

'I must and shall! ' he replied in a subdued voice.

'No,' she persisted, grasping the handle; 'not yet, Edgar Linton: sit
down; you shall not leave me in that temper. I should be miserable all
night, and I won't be miserable for you! '

'Can I stay after you have struck me? ' asked Linton.

Catherine was mute.

'You've made me afraid and ashamed of you,' he continued; 'I'll not come
here again! '

Her eyes began to glisten and her lids to twinkle.

'And you told a deliberate untruth! ' he said.

'I didn't! ' she cried, recovering her speech; 'I did nothing
deliberately. Well, go, if you please--get away! And now I'll cry--I'll
cry myself sick! '

She dropped down on her knees by a chair, and set to weeping in serious
earnest. Edgar persevered in his resolution as far as the court; there
he lingered. I resolved to encourage him.

'Miss is dreadfully wayward, sir,' I called out. 'As bad as any marred
child: you'd better be riding home, or else she will be sick, only to
grieve us. '

The soft thing looked askance through the window: he possessed the power
to depart as much as a cat possesses the power to leave a mouse half
killed, or a bird half eaten. Ah, I thought, there will be no saving
him: he's doomed, and flies to his fate! And so it was: he turned
abruptly, hastened into the house again, shut the door behind him; and
when I went in a while after to inform them that Earnshaw had come home
rabid drunk, ready to pull the whole place about our ears (his ordinary
frame of mind in that condition), I saw the quarrel had merely effected a
closer intimacy--had broken the outworks of youthful timidity, and
enabled them to forsake the disguise of friendship, and confess
themselves lovers.

Intelligence of Mr. Hindley's arrival drove Linton speedily to his horse,
and Catherine to her chamber. I went to hide little Hareton, and to take
the shot out of the master's fowling-piece, which he was fond of playing
with in his insane excitement, to the hazard of the lives of any who
provoked, or even attracted his notice too much; and I had hit upon the
plan of removing it, that he might do less mischief if he did go the
length of firing the gun.




CHAPTER IX


He entered, vociferating oaths dreadful to hear; and caught me in the act
of stowing his son away in the kitchen cupboard. Hareton was impressed
with a wholesome terror of encountering either his wild beast's fondness
or his madman's rage; for in one he ran a chance of being squeezed and
kissed to death, and in the other of being flung into the fire, or dashed
against the wall; and the poor thing remained perfectly quiet wherever I
chose to put him.

'There, I've found it out at last! ' cried Hindley, pulling me back by the
skin of my neck, like a dog. 'By heaven and hell, you've sworn between
you to murder that child! I know how it is, now, that he is always out
of my way. But, with the help of Satan, I shall make you swallow the
carving-knife, Nelly! You needn't laugh; for I've just crammed Kenneth,
head-downmost, in the Black-horse marsh; and two is the same as one--and
I want to kill some of you: I shall have no rest till I do! '

'But I don't like the carving-knife, Mr. Hindley,' I answered; 'it has
been cutting red herrings. I'd rather be shot, if you please. '

'You'd rather be damned! ' he said; 'and so you shall. No law in England
can hinder a man from keeping his house decent, and mine's abominable!
Open your mouth. ' He held the knife in his hand, and pushed its point
between my teeth: but, for my part, I was never much afraid of his
vagaries. I spat out, and affirmed it tasted detestably--I would not
take it on any account.

'Oh! ' said he, releasing me, 'I see that hideous little villain is not
Hareton: I beg your pardon, Nell. If it be, he deserves flaying alive
for not running to welcome me, and for screaming as if I were a goblin.
Unnatural cub, come hither! I'll teach thee to impose on a good-hearted,
deluded father.
Now, don't you think the lad would be handsomer cropped?
It makes a dog fiercer, and I love something fierce--get me a
scissors--something fierce and trim! Besides, it's infernal
affectation--devilish conceit it is, to cherish our ears--we're asses
enough without them. Hush, child, hush! Well then, it is my darling!
wisht, dry thy eyes--there's a joy; kiss me. What! it won't? Kiss me,
Hareton! Damn thee, kiss me! By God, as if I would rear such a monster!
As sure as I'm living, I'll break the brat's neck. '

Poor Hareton was squalling and kicking in his father's arms with all his
might, and redoubled his yells when he carried him up-stairs and lifted
him over the banister. I cried out that he would frighten the child into
fits, and ran to rescue him. As I reached them, Hindley leant forward on
the rails to listen to a noise below; almost forgetting what he had in
his hands. 'Who is that? ' he asked, hearing some one approaching the
stairs'-foot. I leant forward also, for the purpose of signing to
Heathcliff, whose step I recognised, not to come further; and, at the
instant when my eye quitted Hareton, he gave a sudden spring, delivered
himself from the careless grasp that held him, and fell.

There was scarcely time to experience a thrill of horror before we saw
that the little wretch was safe. Heathcliff arrived underneath just at
the critical moment; by a natural impulse he arrested his descent, and
setting him on his feet, looked up to discover the author of the
accident. A miser who has parted with a lucky lottery ticket for five
shillings, and finds next day he has lost in the bargain five thousand
pounds, could not show a blanker countenance than he did on beholding the
figure of Mr. Earnshaw above. It expressed, plainer than words could do,
the intensest anguish at having made himself the instrument of thwarting
his own revenge. Had it been dark, I daresay he would have tried to
remedy the mistake by smashing Hareton's skull on the steps; but, we
witnessed his salvation; and I was presently below with my precious
charge pressed to my heart. Hindley descended more leisurely, sobered
and abashed.

'It is your fault, Ellen,' he said; 'you should have kept him out of
sight: you should have taken him from me! Is he injured anywhere? '

'Injured! ' I cried angrily; 'if he is not killed, he'll be an idiot! Oh!
I wonder his mother does not rise from her grave to see how you use him.
You're worse than a heathen--treating your own flesh and blood in that
manner! ' He attempted to touch the child, who, on finding himself with
me, sobbed off his terror directly. At the first finger his father laid
on him, however, he shrieked again louder than before, and struggled as
if he would go into convulsions.

'You shall not meddle with him! ' I continued. 'He hates you--they all
hate you--that's the truth! A happy family you have; and a pretty state
you're come to! '

'I shall come to a prettier, yet, Nelly,' laughed the misguided man,
recovering his hardness. 'At present, convey yourself and him away. And
hark you, Heathcliff! clear you too quite from my reach and hearing. I
wouldn't murder you to-night; unless, perhaps, I set the house on fire:
but that's as my fancy goes. '

While saying this he took a pint bottle of brandy from the dresser, and
poured some into a tumbler.

'Nay, don't! ' I entreated. 'Mr. Hindley, do take warning. Have mercy on
this unfortunate boy, if you care nothing for yourself! '

'Any one will do better for him than I shall,' he answered.

'Have mercy on your own soul! ' I said, endeavouring to snatch the glass
from his hand.

'Not I! On the contrary, I shall have great pleasure in sending it to
perdition to punish its Maker,' exclaimed the blasphemer. 'Here's to its
hearty damnation! '

He drank the spirits and impatiently bade us go; terminating his command
with a sequel of horrid imprecations too bad to repeat or remember.

'It's a pity he cannot kill himself with drink,' observed Heathcliff,
muttering an echo of curses back when the door was shut. 'He's doing his
very utmost; but his constitution defies him. Mr. Kenneth says he would
wager his mare that he'll outlive any man on this side Gimmerton, and go
to the grave a hoary sinner; unless some happy chance out of the common
course befall him. '

I went into the kitchen, and sat down to lull my little lamb to sleep.
Heathcliff, as I thought, walked through to the barn. It turned out
afterwards that he only got as far as the other side the settle, when he
flung himself on a bench by the wall, removed from the fire and remained
silent.

I was rocking Hareton on my knee, and humming a song that began,--

It was far in the night, and the bairnies grat,
The mither beneath the mools heard that,

when Miss Cathy, who had listened to the hubbub from her room, put her
head in, and whispered,--'Are you alone, Nelly? '

'Yes, Miss,' I replied.

She entered and approached the hearth. I, supposing she was going to say
something, looked up. The expression of her face seemed disturbed and
anxious. Her lips were half asunder, as if she meant to speak, and she
drew a breath; but it escaped in a sigh instead of a sentence. I resumed
my song; not having forgotten her recent behaviour.

'Where's Heathcliff? ' she said, interrupting me.

'About his work in the stable,' was my answer.

He did not contradict me; perhaps he had fallen into a doze. There
followed another long pause, during which I perceived a drop or two
trickle from Catherine's cheek to the flags. Is she sorry for her
shameful conduct? --I asked myself. That will be a novelty: but she may
come to the point--as she will--I sha'n't help her! No, she felt small
trouble regarding any subject, save her own concerns.

'Oh, dear! ' she cried at last. 'I'm very unhappy! '

'A pity,' observed I. 'You're hard to please; so many friends and so few
cares, and can't make yourself content! '

'Nelly, will you keep a secret for me? ' she pursued, kneeling down by me,
and lifting her winsome eyes to my face with that sort of look which
turns off bad temper, even when one has all the right in the world to
indulge it.

'Is it worth keeping? ' I inquired, less sulkily.

'Yes, and it worries me, and I must let it out! I want to know what I
should do. To-day, Edgar Linton has asked me to marry him, and I've
given him an answer. Now, before I tell you whether it was a consent or
denial, you tell me which it ought to have been. '

'Really, Miss Catherine, how can I know? ' I replied. 'To be sure,
considering the exhibition you performed in his presence this afternoon,
I might say it would be wise to refuse him: since he asked you after
that, he must either be hopelessly stupid or a venturesome fool. '

'If you talk so, I won't tell you any more,' she returned, peevishly
rising to her feet. 'I accepted him, Nelly. Be quick, and say whether I
was wrong! '

'You accepted him! Then what good is it discussing the matter? You have
pledged your word, and cannot retract. '

'But say whether I should have done so--do! ' she exclaimed in an
irritated tone; chafing her hands together, and frowning.

'There are many things to be considered before that question can be
answered properly,' I said, sententiously. 'First and foremost, do you
love Mr. Edgar? '

'Who can help it? Of course I do,' she answered.

Then I put her through the following catechism: for a girl of twenty-two
it was not injudicious.

'Why do you love him, Miss Cathy? '

'Nonsense, I do--that's sufficient. '

'By no means; you must say why? '

'Well, because he is handsome, and pleasant to be with. '

'Bad! ' was my commentary.

'And because he is young and cheerful. '

'Bad, still. '

'And because he loves me. '

'Indifferent, coming there. '

'And he will be rich, and I shall like to be the greatest woman of the
neighbourhood, and I shall be proud of having such a husband. '

'Worst of all. And now, say how you love him? '

'As everybody loves--You're silly, Nelly. '

'Not at all--Answer. '

'I love the ground under his feet, and the air over his head, and
everything he touches, and every word he says. I love all his looks, and
all his actions, and him entirely and altogether. There now! '

'And why? '

'Nay; you are making a jest of it: it is exceedingly ill-natured! It's
no jest to me! ' said the young lady, scowling, and turning her face to
the fire.

'I'm very far from jesting, Miss Catherine,' I replied. 'You love Mr.
Edgar because he is handsome, and young, and cheerful, and rich, and
loves you. The last, however, goes for nothing: you would love him
without that, probably; and with it you wouldn't, unless he possessed the
four former attractions. '

'No, to be sure not: I should only pity him--hate him, perhaps, if he
were ugly, and a clown. '

'But there are several other handsome, rich young men in the world:
handsomer, possibly, and richer than he is. What should hinder you from
loving them? '

'If there be any, they are out of my way: I've seen none like Edgar. '

'You may see some; and he won't always be handsome, and young, and may
not always be rich. '

'He is now; and I have only to do with the present. I wish you would
speak rationally. '

'Well, that settles it: if you have only to do with the present, marry
Mr. Linton. '

'I don't want your permission for that--I _shall_ marry him: and yet you
have not told me whether I'm right. '

'Perfectly right; if people be right to marry only for the present. And
now, let us hear what you are unhappy about. Your brother will be
pleased; the old lady and gentleman will not object, I think; you will
escape from a disorderly, comfortless home into a wealthy, respectable
one; and you love Edgar, and Edgar loves you. All seems smooth and easy:
where is the obstacle? '

'_Here_! and _here_! ' replied Catherine, striking one hand on her
forehead, and the other on her breast: 'in whichever place the soul
lives. In my soul and in my heart, I'm convinced I'm wrong! '

'That's very strange! I cannot make it out. '

'It's my secret. But if you will not mock at me, I'll explain it: I
can't do it distinctly; but I'll give you a feeling of how I feel. '

She seated herself by me again: her countenance grew sadder and graver,
and her clasped hands trembled.

'Nelly, do you never dream queer dreams? ' she said, suddenly, after some
minutes' reflection.

'Yes, now and then,' I answered.

'And so do I. I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me
ever after, and changed my ideas: they've gone through and through me,
like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind. And this is
one: I'm going to tell it--but take care not to smile at any part of it. '

'Oh! don't, Miss Catherine! ' I cried. 'We're dismal enough without
conjuring up ghosts and visions to perplex us. Come, come, be merry and
like yourself! Look at little Hareton! _he's_ dreaming nothing dreary.
How sweetly he smiles in his sleep! '

'Yes; and how sweetly his father curses in his solitude! You remember
him, I daresay, when he was just such another as that chubby thing:
nearly as young and innocent. However, Nelly, I shall oblige you to
listen: it's not long; and I've no power to be merry to-night. '

'I won't hear it, I won't hear it! ' I repeated, hastily.

I was superstitious about dreams then, and am still; and Catherine had an
unusual gloom in her aspect, that made me dread something from which I
might shape a prophecy, and foresee a fearful catastrophe. She was
vexed, but she did not proceed. Apparently taking up another subject,
she recommenced in a short time.

'If I were in heaven, Nelly, I should be extremely miserable. '

'Because you are not fit to go there,' I answered. 'All sinners would be
miserable in heaven. '

'But it is not for that. I dreamt once that I was there. '

'I tell you I won't hearken to your dreams, Miss Catherine! I'll go to
bed,' I interrupted again.

She laughed, and held me down; for I made a motion to leave my chair.

'This is nothing,' cried she: 'I was only going to say that heaven did
not seem to be my home; and I broke my heart with weeping to come back to
earth; and the angels were so angry that they flung me out into the
middle of the heath on the top of Wuthering Heights; where I woke sobbing
for joy. That will do to explain my secret, as well as the other. I've
no more business to marry Edgar Linton than I have to be in heaven; and
if the wicked man in there had not brought Heathcliff so low, I shouldn't
have thought of it. It would degrade me to marry Heathcliff now; so he
shall never know how I love him: and that, not because he's handsome,
Nelly, but because he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are
made of, his and mine are the same; and Linton's is as different as a
moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire. '

Ere this speech ended I became sensible of Heathcliff's presence. Having
noticed a slight movement, I turned my head, and saw him rise from the
bench, and steal out noiselessly. He had listened till he heard
Catherine say it would degrade her to marry him, and then he stayed to
hear no further. My companion, sitting on the ground, was prevented by
the back of the settle from remarking his presence or departure; but I
started, and bade her hush!

'Why? ' she asked, gazing nervously round.

'Joseph is here,' I answered, catching opportunely the roll of his
cartwheels up the road; 'and Heathcliff will come in with him. I'm not
sure whether he were not at the door this moment.