No More Learning

_Dr. Seward's Diary. _

_5 October. _--We all rose early, and I think that sleep did much for
each and all of us. When we met at early breakfast there was more
general cheerfulness than any of us had ever expected to experience
again.

It is really wonderful how much resilience there is in human nature.
Let any obstructing cause, no matter what, be removed in any way--even
by death--and we fly back to first principles of hope and enjoyment.
More than once as we sat around the table, my eyes opened in wonder
whether the whole of the past days had not been a dream. It was only
when I caught sight of the red blotch on Mrs. Harker's forehead that
I was brought back to reality. Even now, when I am gravely resolving
the matter, it is almost impossible to realise that the cause of all
our trouble is still existent. Even Mrs. Harker seems to lose sight of
her trouble for whole spells; it is only now and again, when something
recalls it to her mind, that she thinks of her terrible scar. We are
to meet here in my study in half an hour and decide on our course of
action. I see only one immediate difficulty, I know it by instinct
rather than reason: we shall all have to speak frankly; and yet I fear
that in some mysterious way poor Mrs. Harker's tongue is tied. I _know_
that she forms conclusions of her own, and from all that has been I can
guess how brilliant and how true they must be; but she will not, or
cannot, give them utterance. I have mentioned this to Van Helsing, and
he and I are to talk it over when we are alone. I suppose it is some of
that horrid poison which has got into her veins beginning to work. The
Count had his own purposes when he gave her what Van Helsing called "the
Vampire's baptism of blood. " Well, there may be a poison that distils
itself out of good things; in an age when the existence of ptomaines is
a mystery we should not wonder at anything! One thing I know: that if my
instinct be true regarding poor Mrs. Harker's silences, then there is a
terrible difficulty--an unknown danger--in the work before us. The same
power that compels her silence may compel her speech. I dare not think
further; for so I should in my thoughts dishonour a noble woman!

Van Helsing is coming to my study a little before the others. I shall
try to open the subject with him.

_Later. _--When the Professor came in, we talked over the state of
things. I could see that he had something on his mind which he wanted
to say, but felt some hesitancy about broaching the subject. After
beating about the bush a little, he said suddenly:--

"Friend John, there is something that you and I must talk of alone,
just at the first at any rate. Later, we may have to take the others
into our confidence;" then he stopped, so I waited; he went on:--

"Madam Mina, our poor, dear Madam Mina, is changing. " A cold shiver
ran through me to find my worst fears thus endorsed. Van Helsing
continued:--

"With the sad experience of Miss Lucy, we must this time be warned
before things go too far. Our task is now in reality more difficult than
ever, and this new trouble makes every hour of the direst importance. I
can see the characteristics of the vampire coming in her face. It is now
but very, very slight; but it is to be seen if we have eyes to notice
without to prejudge. Her teeth are some sharper, and at times her eyes
are more hard. But these are not all, there is to her the silence now
often; as so it was with Miss Lucy. She did not speak, even when she
wrote that which she wished to be known later. Now my fear is this. If
it be that she can, by our hypnotic trance, tell what the Count see and
hear, is it not more true that he who have hypnotise her first, and who
have drink of her very blood and make her drink of his, should, if he
will, compel her mind to disclose to him that which she know? " I nodded
acquiescence; he went on:--

"Then what we must do is to prevent this; we must keep her ignorant of
our intent, and so she cannot tell what she know not. This is a painful
task! Oh! so painful that it heartbreak me to think of; but it must be.
When to-day we meet, I must tell her that for reason which we will not
to speak she must not more be of our council, but be simply guarded by
us. " He wiped his forehead, which had broken out in profuse perspiration
at the thought of the pain which he might have to inflict upon the poor
soul already so tortured. I knew that it would be some sort of comfort
to him if I told him that I also had come to the same conclusion; for
at any rate it would take away the pain of doubt. I told him, and the
effect was as I expected.

It is now close to the time of our general gathering. Van Helsing has
gone away to prepare for the meeting, and his painful part of it. I
really believe his purpose is to be able to pray alone.

_Later. _--At the very outset of our meeting a great personal relief
was experienced by both Van Helsing and myself. Mrs. Harker had sent a
message by her husband to say that she would not join us at present, as
she thought it better that we should be free to discuss our movements
without her presence to embarrass us. The Professor and I looked at
each other for an instant, and somehow we both seemed relieved. For my
own part, I thought that if Mrs. Harker realised the danger herself, it
was much pain as well as much danger averted. Under the circumstances
we agreed, by a questioning look and answer, with finger on lip, to
preserve silence of our suspicions, until we should have been able to
confer alone again. We went at once into our Plan of Campaign. Van
Helsing roughly put the facts before us first:--

"The _Czarina Catherine_ left the Thames yesterday morning. It will
take her at the quickest speed she has ever made at least three weeks
to reach Varna; but we can travel overland to the same place in three
days. Now, if we allow for two days less for the ship's voyage, owing
to such weather influences as we know that the Count can bring to bear;
and if we allow a whole day and night for any delays which may occur
to us, then we have a margin of nearly two weeks. Thus, in order to be
quite safe, we must leave here on 17th at latest. Then we shall at any
rate be in Varna a day before the ship arrives, and able to make such
preparations as may be necessary. Of course we shall all go armed--armed
against evil things, spiritual as well as physical. " Here Quincey Morris
added:--

"I understand that the Count comes from a wolf country, and it may be
that he will get there before us. I propose that we add Winchesters to
our armament. I have a kind of belief in a Winchester when there is any
trouble of that sort around. Do you remember, Art, when we had the pack
after us at Tobolsk? What wouldn't we have given then for a repeater
apiece! "

"Good! " said Van Helsing. "Winchesters it shall be. Quincey's head
is level at all times, but most so when there is to hunt, though my
metaphor be more dishonour to science than wolves be of danger to man.
In the meantime we can do nothing here; and as I think that Varna is not
familiar to any of us, why not go there more soon? It is as long to wait
here as there. To-night and to-morrow we can get ready, and then, if all
be well, we four can set out on our journey. "

"We four? " said Harker interrogatively, looking from one to another of
us.

"Of course! " answered the Professor quickly. "You must remain to take
care of your so sweet wife! " Harker was silent for a while and then said
in a hollow voice:--

"Let us talk of that part of it in the morning. I want to consult with
Mina. " I thought that now was the time for Van Helsing to warn him not
to disclose our plans to her; but he took no notice. I looked at him
significantly and coughed. For answer he put his finger on his lip and
turned away.


/Jonathan Harker's Journal. /

_5 October, afternoon. _--For some time after our meeting this morning I
could not think. The new phases of things leave my mind in a state of
wonder which allows no room for active thought. Mina's determination
not to take any part in the discussion set me thinking; and as I could
not argue the matter with her, I could only guess. I am as far as ever
from a solution now. The way the others received it, too, puzzled me;
the last time we talked of the subject we agreed that there was to be no
more concealment of anything amongst us. Mina is sleeping now, calmly
and sweetly like a little child. Her lips are curved and her face beams
with happiness. Thank God there are such moments still for her.

_Later. _--How strange it all is. I sat watching Mina's happy sleep, and
came as near to being happy myself as I suppose I shall ever be. As the
evening drew on, and the earth took its shadows from the sun sinking
lower, the silence of the room grew more and more solemn to me. All at
once Mina opened her eyes, and looking at me tenderly, said:--

"Jonathan, I want you to promise me something on your word of honour.
A promise made to me, but made holily in God's hearing, and not to be
broken though I should go down on my knees and implore you with bitter
tears. Quick, you must make it to me at once. "

"Mina," I said, "a promise like that, I cannot make at once. I may have
no right to make it. "

"But, dear one," she said, with such spiritual intensity that her eyes
were like pole stars, "it is I who wish it; and it is not for myself.
You can ask Dr. Van Helsing if I am not right; if he disagrees you may
do as you will. Nay, more, if you all agree, later, you are absolved
from the promise. "

"I promise! " I said, and for a moment she looked supremely happy; though
to me all happiness for her was denied by the red scar on her forehead.
She said:--

"Promise me that you will not tell me anything of the plans formed
for the campaign against the Count. Not by word, or inference, or
implication; not at any time whilst this remains to me! " and she
solemnly pointed to the scar. I saw that she was in earnest, and said
solemnly:--

"I promise! " and as I said it I felt that from that instant a door had
been shut between us.

_Later, midnight. _--Mina has been bright and cheerful all the evening.
So much so that all the rest seemed to take courage, as if infected
somewhat with her gaiety; as a result even I myself felt as if the pall
of gloom which weighs us down were somewhat lifted. We all retired
early. Mina is now sleeping like a little child; it is a wonderful thing
that her faculty of sleep remains to her in the midst of her terrible
trouble. Thank God for it, for then at least she can forget her care.
Perhaps her example may affect me as her gaiety did to-night. I shall
try it. Oh! for a dreamless sleep.

_6 October, morning. _--Another surprise. Mina woke me early, about the
same time as yesterday, and asked me to bring Dr. Van Helsing. I thought
that it was another occasion for hypnotism, and without question went
for the Professor. He had evidently expected some such call, for I found
him dressed in his room. His door was ajar, so that he could hear the
opening of the door of our room. He came at once; as he passed into the
room, he asked Mina if the others might come too.

"No," she said quite simply, "it will not be necessary. You can tell
them just as well. I must go with you on your journey. "

Dr. Van Helsing was as startled as I was. After a moment's pause he
asked:--

"But why? "

"You must take me with you. I am safer with you, and you shall be safer
too. "

"But why, dear Madam Mina? You know that your safety is our solemnest
duty. We go into danger, to which you are, or may be, more liable than
any of us from--from circumstances--things that have been. " He paused
embarrassed.

As she replied, she raised her finger and pointed to her forehead:--

"I know. That is why I must go. I can tell you now, whilst the sun is
coming up; I may not be able again. I know that when the Count wills me
I must go. I know that if he tells me to come in secret, I must come by
wile; by any device to hoodwink--even Jonathan. " God saw the look that
she turned on me as she spoke, and if there be indeed a Recording Angel
that look is noted to her everlasting honour. I could only clasp her
hand. I could not speak; my emotion was too great for even the relief of
tears. She went on:--

"You men are brave and strong. You are strong in your numbers, for you
can defy that which would break down the human endurance of one who had
to guard alone. Besides, I may be of service, since you can hypnotise me
and so learn that which even I myself do not know. " Dr. Van Helsing said
very gravely:--

"Madam Mina, you are, as always, most wise. You shall with us come; and
together we shall do that which we go forth to achieve. " When he had
spoken, Mina's long spell of silence made me look at her. She had fallen
back on her pillow asleep; she did not even wake when I had pulled up
the blind and let in the sunlight which flooded the room. Van Helsing
motioned to me to come with him quietly. We went to his room, and within
a minute Lord Godalming, Dr. Seward, and Mr. Morris were with us also.
He told them what Mina had said, and went on:--

"In the morning we shall leave for Varna. We have now to deal with a new
factor: Madam Mina. Oh, but her soul is true. It is to her an agony to
tell us so much as she has done; but it is most right, and we are warned
in time. There must be no chance lost, and in Varna we must be ready to
act the instant when that ship arrives. "

"What shall we do exactly? " asked Mr. Morris laconically. The Professor
paused before replying:--

"We shall at the first board that ship; then, when we have identified
the box, we shall place a branch of the wild rose on it. This we shall
fasten, for when it is there none can emerge; so at least says the
superstition. And to superstition must we trust at the first; it was
man's faith in the early, and it have its root in faith still. Then,
when we get the opportunity that we seek, when none are near to see, we
shall open the box, and--and all will be well. "

"I shall not wait for any opportunity," said Morris. "When I see the box
I shall open it and destroy the monster, though there were a thousand
men looking on, and if I am to be wiped out for it the next moment! " I
grasped his hand instinctively and found it as firm as a piece of steel.
I think he understood my look; I hope he did.

"Good boy," said Dr. Van Helsing. "Brave boy. Quincey is all man, God
bless him for it. My child, believe me none of us shall lag behind or
pause from any fear. I do but say what we may do--what we must do. But,
indeed, indeed we cannot say what we shall do. There are so many things
which may happen, and their ways and their ends are so various that
until the moment we may not say. We shall all be armed, in all ways;
and when the time for the end has come, our effort shall not be lack.
Now let us to-day put all our affairs in order. Let all things which
touch on others dear to us, and who on us depend, be complete; for none
of us can tell what, or when, or how, the end may be. As for me, my own
affairs are regulate; and as I have nothing else to do, I shall go make
arrangement for the travel. I shall have all tickets and so forth for
our journey. "

There was nothing further to be said, and we parted.
I shall now settle
up all my affairs of earth, and be ready for whatever may come. . . .

_Later. _--It is all done; my will is made, and all complete. Mina if she
survive is my sole heir. If it should not be so, then the others who
have been so good to us will have remainder.

It is now drawing towards the sunset; Mina's uneasiness calls my
attention to it. I am sure that there is something on her mind which
the time of exact sunset will reveal. These occasions are becoming
harrowing times for us all, for each sunrise and sunset opens up some
new danger--some new pain, which, however, may in God's will be means to
a good end. I write all these things in the diary since my darling must
not hear them now; but if it may be that she can see them again, they
shall be ready.

She is calling to me.




CHAPTER XXV.

/Dr. Seward's Diary. /


_11 October, Evening. _--Jonathan Harker has asked me to note this, as he
says he is hardly equal to the task, and he wants an exact record kept.

I think that none of us were surprised when we were asked to see Mrs.
Harker a little before the time of sunset. We have of late come to
understand that sunrise and sunset are to her times of peculiar freedom;
when her old self can be manifest without any controlling force subduing
or restraining her, or inciting her to action. This mood or condition
begins some half hour or more before actual sunrise or sunset, and
lasts till either the sun is high, or whilst the clouds are still aglow
with the rays streaming above the horizon. At first there is a sort of
negative condition, as if some tie were loosened, and then the absolute
freedom quickly follows; when however the freedom ceases the change-back
or relapse comes quickly, preceded only by a spell of warning silence.

To-night, when we met she was somewhat constrained, and bore all the
signs of an internal struggle. I put it down myself to her making a
violent effort at the earliest instant she could do so. A very few
minutes, however, gave her complete control of herself; then, motioning
her husband to sit beside her on the sofa where she was half reclining,
she made the rest of us bring chairs up close. Taking her husband's hand
in hers she began:--

"We are all here together in freedom, for perhaps the last time! I know,
dear; I know that you will always be with me to the end. " This was to
her husband, whose hand had, as we could see, tightened upon hers. "In
the morning we go out upon our task, and God alone knows what may be
in store for any of us. You are going to be so good to me as to take me
with you. I know that all that brave earnest men can do for a poor weak
woman, whose soul perhaps is lost--no, no, not yet, but is at any rate
at stake--you will do. But you must remember that I am not as you are.
There is a poison in my blood, in my soul, which may destroy me; which
must destroy me, unless some relief comes to us. Oh, my friends, you
know as well as I do, that my soul is at stake; and though I know there
is one way out for me, you must not and I must not take it! " She looked
appealingly at us all in turn, beginning and ending with her husband.

"What is that way? " asked Van Helsing in a hoarse voice. "What is that
way, which we must not--may not--take? "

"That I may die now, either by my own hand or that of another, before
the greater evil is entirely wrought. I know, and you know, that were I
once dead you could and would set free my immortal spirit, even as you
did my poor Lucy's. Were death, or the fear of death, the only thing
that stood in the way, I would not shrink to die here, now, amidst the
friends who love me. But death is not all. I cannot believe that to die
in such a case, when there is hope before us and a bitter task to be
done, is God's will. Therefore, I on my part, give up here the certainty
of eternal rest, and go out into the dark where may be the blackest
things that the world or the nether world holds! " We were all silent,
for we knew instinctively that this was only a prelude. The faces of the
others were set, and Harker's grew ashen grey; perhaps he guessed better
than any of us what was coming. She continued:--

"This is what I can give into the hotch-pot. " I could not but note
the quaint legal phrase which she used in such a place, and with all
seriousness. "What will each of you give? Your lives, I know," she went
on quickly; "that is easy for brave men. Your lives are God's, and you
can give them back to Him; but what will you give to me? " She looked
again questioningly, but this time avoided her husband's face. Quincey
seemed to understand; he nodded, and her face lit up. "Then I shall
tell you plainly what I want, for there must be no doubtful matter in
this connection between us now. You must promise me, one and all--even
you, my beloved husband--that, should the time come, you will kill me. "

"What is that time? " The voice was Quincey's but it was low and
strained.

"When you shall be convinced that I am so changed that it is better that
I die that I may live. When I am thus dead in the flesh, then you will,
without a moment's delay, drive a stake through me and cut off my head;
or do whatever else may be wanting to give me rest! "

Quincey was the first to rise after the pause. He knelt down before her
and taking her hand in his said solemnly:--

"I'm only a rough fellow, who hasn't, perhaps, lived as a man should to
win such a distinction, but I swear to you by all that I hold sacred
and dear that, should the time ever come, I shall not flinch from the
duty that you have set us. And I promise you, too, that I shall make all
certain, for if I am only doubtful I shall take it that the time has
come! "

"My true friend! " was all she could say amid her fast-falling tears, as,
bending over, she kissed his hand.

"I swear the same, my dear Madam Mina! " said Van Helsing.

"And I! " said Lord Godalming, each of them in turn kneeling to her to
take the oath. I followed, myself. Then her husband turned to her,
wan-eyed and with a greenish pallor which subdued the snowy whiteness of
his hair, and asked:--

"And must I, too, make such a promise, oh, my wife? "

"You too, my dearest," she said, with infinite yearning of pity in
her voice and eyes. "You must not shrink. You are nearest and dearest
and all the world to me; our souls are knit into one, for all life
and all time. Think, dear, that there have been times when brave men
have killed their wives and their womenkind, to keep them from falling
into the hands of the enemy. Their hands did not falter any the more
because those that they loved implored them to slay them. It is men's
duty towards those whom they love, in such times of sore trial! And
oh, my dear, if it is to be that I must meet death at any hand, let it
be at the hand of him that loves me best. Dr. Van Helsing, I have not
forgotten your mercy in poor Lucy's case to him who loved"--she stopped
with a flying blush, and changed her phrase--"to him who had best right
to give her peace. If that time shall come again, I look to you to make
it a happy memory of my husband's life that it was his loving hand
which set me free from the awful thrall upon me. "

"Again I swear! " came the Professor's resonant voice. Mrs. Harker
smiled, positively smiled, as with a sigh of relief she leaned back and
said:--

"And now one word of warning, a warning which you must never forget:
this time, if it ever come, may come quickly and unexpectedly, and in
such case you must lose no time in using your opportunity. At such a
time I myself might be--nay! if the time ever comes, _shall_ be--leagued
with your enemy against you. "

"One more request;" she became very solemn as she said this, "it is not
vital and necessary like the other, but I want you to do one thing for
me, if you will. " We all acquiesced, but no one spoke; there was no need
to speak:--

"I want you to read the Burial Service. " She was interrupted by a deep
groan from her husband; taking his hand in hers, she held it over her
heart, and continued: "You must read it over me some day. Whatever may
be the issue of all this fearful state of things, it will be a sweet
thought to all or some of us. You, my dearest, will, I hope, read it,
for then it will be in your voice in my memory for ever--come what may! "

"But oh, my dear one," he pleaded, "death is afar off from you. "

"Nay," she said, holding up a warning hand. "I am deeper in death at
this moment than if the weight of an earthly grave lay heavy upon me! "

"Oh, my wife, must I read it? " he said, before he began.

"It would comfort me, my husband! " was all she said; and he began to
read when she had got the book ready.

How can I--how could any one--tell of that strange scene, its
solemnity, its gloom, its sadness, its horror; and, withal, its
sweetness? Even a sceptic, who can see nothing but a travesty of bitter
truth in anything holy or emotional, would have been melted to the heart
had he seen that little group of loving and devoted friends kneeling
round that stricken and sorrowing lady; or heard the tender passion of
her husband's voice, as in tones so broken with emotion that often he
had to pause, he read the simple and beautiful service for the Burial
of the Dead. "I--I cannot go on--words--and--v-voice--f-fail m-me! ". . . .

She was right in her instinct. Strange as it all was, bizarre as it may
hereafter seem even to us who felt its potent influence at the time, it
comforted us much; and the silence, which showed Mrs. Harker's coming
relapse from her freedom of soul, did not seem so full of despair to any
of us as we had dreaded.


_Jonathan Harker's Journal. _

_15 October, Varna. _--We left Charing Cross on the morning of the 12th,
got to Paris the same night, and took the places secured for us in the
Orient Express. We travelled night and day, arriving here at about five
o'clock. Lord Godalming went to the Consulate to see if any telegram
had arrived for him, whilst the rest of us came on to this hotel--the
Odessus. The journey may have had incidents; I was, however, too eager
to get on, to care for them. Until the _Czarina Catherine_ comes into
port there will be no interest for me in anything in the wide world.
Thank God! Mina is well, and looks to be getting stronger; her colour
is coming back. She sleeps a great deal; throughout the journey she
slept nearly all the time. Before sunrise and sunset, however, she is
very wakeful and alert; and it has become a habit for Van Helsing to
hypnotise her at such times. At first, some effort was needed, and he
had to make many passes; but now, she seems to yield at once, as if by
habit, and scarcely any action is needed. He seems to have power at
these particular moments to simply will, and her thoughts obey him. He
always asks her what she can see and hear. She answers to the first:--

"Nothing; all is dark. " And to the second:--

"I can hear the waves lapping against the ship, and the water rushing
by. Canvas and cordage strain and masts and yards creak. The wind is
high--I can hear it in the shrouds, and the bow throws back the foam. "
It is evident that the _Czarina Catherine_ is still at sea, hastening
on her way to Varna. Lord Godalming has just returned. He had four
telegrams, one each day since we started, and all to the same effect:
that the _Czarina Catherine_ had not been reported to Lloyd's from
anywhere. He had arranged before leaving London that his agent should
send him every day a telegram saying if the ship had been reported. He
was to have a message even if she were not reported, so that he might be
sure that there was a watch being kept at the other end of the wire.

We had dinner and went to bed early. To-morrow we are to see the
Vice-Consul, and to arrange, if we can, about getting on board the ship
as soon as she arrives. Van Helsing says that our chance will be to get
on board between sunrise and sunset. The Count, even if he takes the
form of a bat, cannot cross the running water of his own volition, and
so cannot leave the ship. As he dare not change to man's form without
suspicion--which he evidently wishes to avoid--he must remain in the
box. If, then, we can come on board after sunrise, he is at our mercy;
for we can open the box and make sure of him, as we did of poor Lucy,
before he wakes. What mercy he will get from us will not count for much.
We think that we shall not have much trouble with officials or the
seamen. Thank God! this is the country where bribery can do anything,
and we are well supplied with money. We have only to make sure that the
ship cannot come into port between sunset and sunrise without our being
warned, and we shall be safe. Judge Moneybag will settle this case, I
think!

_16 October. _--Mina's report still the same: lapping waves and rushing
water, darkness and favouring winds. We are evidently in good time, and
when we hear of the _Czarina Catherine_ we shall be ready. As she must
pass the Dardanelles we are sure to have some report.

* * * * *

_17 October. _--Everything is pretty well fixed now, I think, to welcome
the Count on his return from his tour. Godalming told the shippers that
he fancied that the box sent aboard might contain something stolen from
a friend of his, and got a half consent that he might open it at his
own risk. The owner gave him a paper telling the captain to give him
every facility in doing whatever he chose on board the ship, and also
a similar authorisation to his agent at Varna. We have seen the agent,
who was much impressed with Godalming's kindly manner to him, and we
are all satisfied that whatever he can do to aid our wishes will be
done. We have already arranged what to do in case we get the box open.
If the Count is there, Van Helsing and Seward will cut off his head at
once and drive a stake through his heart. Morris and Godalming and I
shall prevent interference, even if we have to use the arms which we
shall have ready. The Professor says that if we can so treat the Count's
body, it will soon after fall into dust. In such case there would be no
evidence against us, in case any suspicion of murder were aroused. But
even if it were not, we should stand or fall by our act, and perhaps
some day this very script may be evidence to come between some of us
and a rope. For myself, I should take the chance only too thankfully
if it were to come. We mean to leave no stone unturned to carry out
our intent. We have arranged with certain officials that the instant
the _Czarina Catherine_ is seen, we are to be informed by a special
messenger.

_24 October. _--A whole week of waiting. Daily telegrams to Godalming,
but only the same story: "Not yet reported. " Mina's morning and evening
hypnotic answer is unvaried: lapping waves, rushing water, and creaking
masts.


_Telegram, October 24th. _

_Rufus Smith, Lloyd's, London, to Lord Godalming, care of H. B. M.
Vice-Consul, Varna_

"_Czarina Catherine_ reported this morning from Dardanelles. "


_Dr. Seward's Diary. _

_24 October. _--How I miss my phonograph! To write diary with a pen
is irksome to me; but Van Helsing says I must. We were all wild with
excitement to-day when Godalming got his telegram from Lloyd's. I know
now what men feel in battle when the call to action is heard. Mrs.
Harker, alone of our party, did not show any signs of emotion. After
all, it is not strange that she did not; for we took special care not
to let her know anything about it, and we all tried not to show any
excitement when we were in her presence. In old days she would, I am
sure, have noticed, no matter how we might have tried to conceal it;
but in this way she is greatly changed during the past three weeks. The
lethargy grows upon her, and though she seems strong and well, and is
getting back some of her colour, Van Helsing and I are not satisfied. We
talk of her often; we have not, however, said a word to the others. It
would break poor Harker's heart--certainly his nerve--if he knew that
we had even a suspicion on the subject. Van Helsing examines, he tells
me, her teeth very carefully, whilst she is in the hypnotic condition,
for he says that so long as they do not begin to sharpen there is no
active danger of a change in her. If this change should come, it would
be necessary to take steps! . . . We both know what those steps would have
to be, though we do not mention our thoughts to each other. We should
neither of us shrink from the task--awful though it be to contemplate.
"Euthanasia" is an excellent and a comforting word! I am grateful to
whoever invented it.

It is only about 24 hours' sail from the Dardanelles to here, at the
rate the _Czarina Catherine_ has come from London. She should therefore
arrive some time in the morning; but as she cannot possibly get in
before then, we are all about to retire early. We shall get up at one
o'clock, so as to be ready.

_25 October, Noon. _--No news yet of the ship's arrival. Mrs. Harker's
hypnotic report this morning was the same as usual, so it is possible
that we may get news at any moment.