"You must not say that,"
instructed
the
146
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Childrens - Children's Sayings
"
"Because he let the women to the water
first, and drove the men away. "
Our embryo divine of seven delights in
recounting the ever-fascinating bible stories
with original variations. This is how Jonah is
"handled ":
"No, Jonah wasn't 'zackly a bad man, only
he didn't want to go and teach the children
which was their right hands and lefts. "
He is not very clear on this point himself, so
this is given out with a fine air of scorn.
"So, of course, the whale swallowed him;
but I 'spect he felt pretty tight, for he soon
began to cough, and cough, till up came Jonah,
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
and he wasn't hurted the least bit; but I think
he must have been very dirty. And so--well,
that's all about Jonah. "
A class of little boys had been having lessons
on Elijah. The chariot of fire had been the
subject of the last lesson. When their teacher
asked, "What did Elisha say when Elijah left
him? " one small boy said, "Please, teacher,
I know: he said, 'My father, my father, the
chariot of Israel and the horsemen, they are
off! '"
Paul interrupted a story of Daniel and the
pulse, which was described as porridge to
> simplify it. "Was it Quaker oats or Waver-
ley? " he asked, mindful of recent experi-
ences.
One of our boys was most anxious to be
permitted to work his mother's sewing machine.
Once, after listening attentively to the story of
Daniel's deliverance from the lions' den, he
asked eagerly, "And did his mother let him
work the sewing machine after that? "
A lady, who was conducting a class of boys
in a Sunday-school in the High Street of Edin-
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
burgh, gave for a lesson the call of Samuel in
the night.
The small urchins began a discussion, one
boy's version being that the gas went out, and
Samuel was left in the dark: another ex-
claimed, "It was naething o' the kind; it was
just a paraffin lamp. "
When little Ada, aged three, had been told
the story of Lot's wife being turned into a pillar
of salt, she asked her mother anxiously, "Is all
salt made of ladies? "
Later, when six years old, she was called one
Sunday, "Come, Ada, and learn your cate-
chism," whereupon she answered roguishly, " If
it's for me, it ought to be a kittychism! "
A little nephew and niece of mine were
playing in the garden, when their mother
observed that they had quarrelled and the
younger, a boy of three years, was crying.
On going down to inquire the cause he said,
"She called me a bad name, mother, and I'm
not that. "
The culprit confessed that she had pointed
at her little brother and said, "Go up, thou
bald-head, go up, thou bald-head," to him.
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
She was told then that the children were
being taken to the Zoo, and she should be left
at home, when she smartly replied, " If I went
perhaps the bears would eat me! "
I well remember the following incident of
early days in the old North-country home.
When my eldest brother (an exceptionally
gifted man, who scarcely lived to middle age)
was a very little boy his mother had occasion
to correct him for some fault, telling him that
his parents could not love him so well if he
did such things. He thought a moment, then
gravely replied, "When my father and mother
forsake me, the Lord will take me up! "
Another little child was sitting on a stool at
her mother's knee, learning a short prayer.
On former Sunday afternoons the reward for
a well-learnt text had been a French plum.
Winnie, as she sat clasping her fat little hands
on her fat little knees, chanced to catch sight
of the bottle with its white label, and the dear,
sticky, black things inside.
"I am thy servant," she repeated dreamily;
"I am thy servant: give me, give me--a plum! "
A plum was so much more desirable than mere
dull "understanding. "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"Now, what would you have done, Jim,"
asked a young teacher, giving a lesson on the
Flood, "if you had been there? "
"Taken a twam," said five-year-old Jim
wisely.
L. lived in Kensington. He was naughty, and
as a punishment his mother shut him in a
room and went out. As she returned she saw
her boy leaning as far out of the window as he
could, shouting, "Oh ! wretched man that I am,
who shall deliver me? "
It is very interesting to get at the real
thoughts of a young child; you find sometimes
that they have very practical minds.
Eric had said his text, "But now I am a
man I have put away childish things," and
remarked, "I think it was too bad of Paul to
put away his childish things, auntie; he might
have give them to another little boy. "
We remember a girlie who was often taken
by her grandma to visit the graves of little
ones dear to her.
One day, much to grandma's sorrow, she
found her girlie had told an untruth; so, to
improve the occasion, the story of Ananias and
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
Sapphira was related. Judge of the narrator's
feelings when the little one asked, "Are they
buried in Rosebank? " the cemetery she was
in the habit of walking in.
Doubtless she thought of visiting their
graves!
At a class of boys I had in the Sunday-school,
when they were reading aloud the Gospel one
of them read, "And when he had agreed with
the labourers for a penny a day," in a tone of
astonishment, and in the same breath, in a tone
of disgust, "How mean, teacher! "
A little girl, on hearing the parable of the
Prodigal Son, remarked, "I don't believe a
whole calf could be put on a dish. "
"Who was Father Christmas's father? "
asked a teacher of a child of seven, thinking
to puzzle him.
Like a flash came back the answer, "I should
think, like Joshua, he was the son of Nun"
[none].
Last Christmas morning the teacher ot an
infant class asked a child, "What day is this? "
"To-day is Jesus's birthday, and yesterday
was Sammy's," he answered.
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
The same children were asked, "Who was
Joseph's father? " Their faces were all blank,
until the teacher said "Jacob," when little
May brightened up, saying, "We get cakes
from Jacob " (the biscuit manufacturer).
Tom was present when his aunt, speaking
of Tennyson's death, said, "After all, he was
an old man; it was time for him to be in
Abraham's bosom. " "Abraham's bosom must
be nearly full now," said Tom; "perhaps he
will have to go into Isaac's. "
Lillie, seeing in a familiar hymn the line--
Cherubim and Seraphim falling down before Thee,
said, " Mother, was Cheru the boy? "
"What do you mean, dear? " asked her
mother.
"Because, you see, Sarah was the girl! "
Evidently she thought that the Bim and
Phim families were the worshippers.
A paterfamilias, having been in Leeds, found
it impossible to reach his home in Scotland
except by travelling with the Saturday night
express, which landed him at his destination
about eight o'clock next morning. One Sunday
morning, some weeks later, he found his two
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
boys, aged respectively five and two, driving a
railway express improvised from the drawer of
a wardrobe.
"Boys," he said, "trains don't go on
Sundays. "
"Oh, this is the Leeds train," said number
one, and went on with his mimic journey at
full speed.
"Willie! didn't I tell you not to play with
that cart on Sunday? "
Willie remembered watching his father drive
off that morning to one of his appointments in
the country.
"Yes, mother," he replied; "but this is a
preacher's cart. "
Once, after a lesson on being unselfish, one
child had been given a piece of paper on which
to scribble, when her brother of six made a
practical application: "I suppose, baby, you
won't be self-denying and give me that paper? "
Once a little girl about seven years of age
was at school, and seemed very eager to learn
and try to understand all her teacher said to
her. She was exceedingly fond of dolls, and
her mother had lately bought her a new one,
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
which she kept carefully. One day, while her
teacher was trying to explain to her class
of little ones about the well-known hymn,
"Ye must be born again," this bright-faced
child looked up eagerly and said, "Then I'll
keep my new doll until I am born again. "
One day a wee man remarked to his sister,
who was nearly six years old, "I'm going to
be a minister and pweach to the people. "
"Well," she said, "it is one of the safest of
trades. "
Some of their uncles are soldiers. When
the girl was between four and five years old her
grand-aunt read her Matthew xxv. Her com-
ment was, "When I am on the right hand, and
when I see you on the left, auntie, I'll be so
sorry. "
"I hope, Ernest, that you will come one day
and see my home," said a lady to a small boy
from whom she was soon to part.
"It will have to be soon," said Ernest, "for
you might be dead. "
"Do you think me so very old? "
"Yes. "
"Well, if we should never meet again on
earth, I hope we shall meet in heaven. "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"Oh," said Ernest, "but there are two
places! "
One Sunday forenoon a boy aged three
years old was playing: he looked up and asked,
"Ja-Joe, if a sailor dies at sea, is he buried in
the sea? "
Ja-Joe answered "Yes. "
"And do the fishes eat him, Ja-Joe? "
"I suppose so. "
Then a pause, when he said, "Ja-Joe, I'm
not going to be a sailor, because on the resur-
rection morning they will have such a scramble
out of the fishes' bread-baskets. "
Kate, aged eight, had been promised sixpence
to spend at the toy-shop. When she was ready
to go for her walk, her mother was unable, for
some reason, to give it her. "You shall have
it another time, dear," she said.
Kate was very angry, and sulked all the
rest of the morning. At last her governess
said, "It is very naughty of you to be so cross,
Katie, when mother gives you so many six-
pences. Think of the poor children who never
have any pennies! "
Kate became very dignified, and said in a
most injured voice, "You need not think it's
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
the sixpence I am troubling about, Miss Smith;
I am only grieved to find that my mother does
not keep her promises! "
One day Kate's elder brother, who was a
great tease, said, "You don't know your
Scripture history a bit, Kitty! "
"Indeed I do," the small maiden replied.
"Oh no, you don't," went on Master Gordon:
"you don't even know who were Ruth's father
and mother! "
"Yes, Gordon, I know quite well," she
answered indignantly, "only I never can per-
nounce those hard names. "
The remaining Sayings fall naturally into
the group which is conveniently called
miscellaneous, though several of them are
more or less closely related to one or other
of the preceding sections.
A little six-year-old nephew of mine, who
is very fond of modelling men and women
with pastry, arrived at a knowledge of the
universal fatherhood of God in a very un-
expected way. He and his sister were dining
with their parents, when the girl spoke rather
authoritatively to the servant. Their mother
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
took an opportunity to reprove her, and finished
by saying:
"You know, Nancy dear, you must not look
down on any one because she is a servant.
God made us all, and He might have made you
a servant had He chosen. "
The boy then thoughtfully remarked, "Yes,
Nancy, don't you know we are all God's
pastry? "
The sequel to this was rather pretty, for a
day or two after he was watching with disgust
some. boys playing in the mud, when some one
recommended him to join them, "because you
know, Arthur, we are all God's pastry. "
I expect the colour of some of his own pastry
occurred to his mind, for after a moment's
thought he answered, "Yes, so we are; but
I'm sure they are made of much dirtier
pastry than we are, and I won't play with
them. "
A practical illustration of love was given by
a little boy in a London omnibus. Sitting on
his grandmamma's knee, he saw a nigger
passing along the street. "Me not like black
man, nasty black man," began the child.
"You must not say that," instructed the
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
grandmother: "black man's very nice; you
should like black man. "
There was silence for a moment, then the
child looked up with a winning smile: "Would
you kiss black man, grandma? "
A funny remark was made by a little boy
who passed the cake to a lady caller and said:
"Please have some. " She refused, and he
said, "Oh! please do; it is getting so dry. "
When one of the children was on a visit
she was invited to take some gingerbread.
She would not, and the lady said, "Do take
some, it is really very nice. "
Little Margaret said, "It's not so werry
nice if you don't like it. "
"I wonder which of us will die first! " said
a little boy pensively to his sister.
"You will," said the little girl briskly, "'cos
you are the eldest. "
"No," answered her brother, not anxious for
the privilege; "ladies first. "
A little fellow aged two years and nine
months got into a bad habit of refusing to say
good-night. His aunt wished to make him
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
prove himself wrong, and the argument got to
"Who is older, you or I? "
Promptly he said, " I. "
"Very well, then ; you should teach me what
is right: what should I say before I go to
bed? "
With a slight pause he said, "You' prayers,"
then laughed most merrily.
The lecture collapsed.
A little girl was corrected by her mother
for something which she did not consider
wrong, and after some time she relieved her
mind by saying, "I love you, mamma, but I
don't like you. "
A little boy (cetat. five) once told me he didn't
think it was any use for him to begin writing
a diary, as he could not write the past years
of his life; but when he had a little boy he
should write his diary from the time he was
born, and then give it him when he was old
enough.
It is comical to see the practical side of a
child's mind in its developments. My little
girl was only two and a half when she first
experienced the delight of a garden "all for
her very own. "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"And will you plant potatoes in it ? " asked
one inquiring friend.
"Yes," said the small maiden, with a gleam,
at that early age, of a housewifely sense of
appropriate association; "yes, I will plant
potatoes and gravy in my garden! "
This same small damsel shortly before gave
her mother a most effectual check which could
not well be ignored. The latter, with the
usual rather provoking tendency of a grown-up
person, was apt to seize on minutes of com-
parative quietude and docility, and try to
improve the shining hour (or say, rather,
moment) by serious and edifying admoni-
tion.
I cannot quite remember whether the--
sermonette, shall we call it ? --on this occasion
was prompted by some wrongdoing, or whether
it was simply the effort of a young parent to
point a useful moral. However, encouraged
by rather unusual quiescence on the part of
the auditor, she must have exceeded the very
limited patience of that small person, for at
length, in the most indescribably coaxing and
altogether irresistible way, she was interrupted
by "' Amen' now, mamma! " and who could
continue after that broadest of hints?
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
One of our little girls was looking out of the
window, and noticed a lady passing who was
wearing a respirator. She remarked, "How
silly! she would not bite," evidently thinking
it was a sort of muzzle.
A little fellow was looking carefully at his
baby sister, and said, "Poor baby, she has no
teeth at all; you should take her to Mr. M. 's,"
mentioning the family dentist.
A little girl walking along a road carrying a
pitcher of milk made up to a big, strong-looking
man, who was going in the same direction.
She looked up in his face and said, "If I was
a strong man like you, I know what I would
do for a little girl walking beside him. I would
offer to carry her pitcher. "
Children's candour is often very inconvenient
to their elders. A gentleman kept very secret
from his neighbours what his business was in
London. Finding his little boy alone one day,
a friend said to the child, "Papa has gone to
the City to make you 'bread and cheese,' I
suppose? "
"No," was the grave reply; "papa makes
the finest varnish in the world. "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"Oh, do you think Miss will die? " said
a sweet little girl of four years old, referring to
a great friend of her own who had been taken
ill.
"Oh, I hope not! " said her sister of five
years cheerfully, and then added in a consoling
tone, "but if she does, it will at least be put in
the newspapers! "
Little worldling!
"Poor Uncle Horace," said Isobel, after a
visit to an English rectory, "he gets so sad:
he wants all the people in the parish to go to
heaven, and they won't go. "
A little girl was alone, amusing herself in an
unusually quiet way. Her grandmamma, noticing
this, called, "What are you doing, Lizzie? "
"Up to mistif, gannie," the little maid replied.
"I felt a d'op of rain," said a tiny urchin,
as he trotted down the lane by his mother's
side.
"Really? / did not," said she.
"How could you, when it came on my nose? "
was the reply.
"That's for 'ou," said a small church-goer,
popping her penny into the rector's hand instead
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
of the offertory-bag which he was handing to
her, and looking up admiringly into his amused
face.
Very ludicrous is the infantile assumption of
manliness. A little fellow was helping--I beg
his pardon, being helped by--a girl to house
turnips, and paused with a single "neep" in
both hands to say gloatingly, "You an' me's
a richt ma-a-n, Mary," rolling the a-a like a
sweet morsel.
He had often been told that his father was
away "workin' for meal," so one day he set out
to bear his part. Finding the men carting
manure, he unhesitatingly began to turn over
the unsavoury heap on his own account, and on
being somewhat peremptorily asked "what he
was daein' there," announced with an air of con-
scious but unappreciated rectitude, "Howkin'
for meal. "
There was a small man who was always
wanting a set of wickets, and one day, to his
surprise, his mother got him one, and among
other little boys he spent the day at cricket. In
the evening his mother went to bring him home,
and seeing that Bobby looked tired, she said,
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
'You must be exhausted; shall I carry your
bat and wickets? "
"Oh no," replied the boy; " I'm not tired; but
if you carry me, I shall manage to carry the
wickets. "
A little Iriend, seven years of age, cried
bitterly in the evening, because "Mother has
not even let me have one little grumble to-day,"
and once when she had behaved badly at table,
she looked up at her father (who was looking
solemn as the occasion required) and said sadly,
"I wish mother had married a man who did not
frown at me! "
A sweet little girl selling artificial flowers to
us at a bazaar showed her conscientious mind
by saying, "They are a penny each; but you
know they are not alive; they are stuffed. "
A father, before punishing his little son, who
had been naughty and stubborn, said they would
both pray. The father did so, and then the
little boy said, "Please, God, give me a better
father. "
Little Gracie's father is a slater. One very
wet day she met an acquaintance of her
mother's, who said to her, " Well, Grade, we
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
will need a very big umbrella to-day, to cover
up the hole in the sky. "
"Oh no," replied the child; "I'll just tell my
daddy to go up and mend it. "
A gentleman, standing in front of a mirror
arranging his hair, was asked by his little
daughter, "Does 'ou sink 'ouself vessy
pitty? "
The same child, when her father appeared
in his volunteer uniform, inquired, "Is 'ou
playing at being a soljer? "
One of the children had been taking great
notice of a young baby. She said afterwards,
"That baby's face was so hot, it had melted its
eyebrows quite off. "
One little fellow was ill and feverish, and
said, "Oh, I am so hot; I am sure I should fizz
if you put me in water! "
"We are both going to start a hobby," said
two small boys to me once. One was seven
years old and the other eight.
"That is right," I replied; "it is a good
thing for boys to have a hobby. What is yours
to be? "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"We are writing books," was the prompt
reply.
"Indeed! " I replied, as gravely as possible;
"and what are your books called? "
"Mine," said the younger, "is called
'Poyntry for the Young,' and it begins:
Under a spreading chesunt tree
The village black-snitch stands.
"And mine," said the elder child seriously,
"is called 'Recollections of my Early Days. '
But the worst of it is that when once you
begin there seems such a lot to write about. "
There was a little sister in the house who
was rather delicate. She often used to say,
"Oh, I do wish I were an angel. " Her
brothers and sisters always imagined that her
wish only originated from her saintly nature,
for she certainly was a very good child. She
greatly astonished them one day, on being
somewhat closely questioned, by saying,
"Then I should be able to fly up into the
nursery, and it does make me so tired to
walk. "
And this reminds me of the story of another
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
little girl, who lived and died hundreds
and hundreds of years ago. When she
was worn out and almost too weary to
move, she did not wish she were an angel,
but she said her simple prayers; and lo,
in a moment it seemed to her that the
prayers became visible creatures with
shining wings, and they caught her up
into the air, and carried her, in the
twinkling of an eye, to the place where she
would be. That, I think, must be the real
meaning of the legend told of St. Catherine
of Siena; for when she "was a little child,
and went to be a hermit in the woods, and
lost her way, and sat down to cry, the
Angels, you know, did really and truly
waft her up on their wings and carried her
to the valley of Fontebranda, which was
very near home. And when she was
quite a little thing, and used to say her
prayers going up to bed, the Angels would
come to her and just 'whip' her right up
the stairs in an instant! " That is still
the way with prayers--even in these days;
only, as a rule, they don't become visible.
Looking quite thoughtful, a little boy of
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
barely three years old said, "Mother, over
whose neck do you say your prayers? "
A nurse was putting the finishing touch to
her charge's toilet, preparatory to sending the
little girl into the dining-room for dessert.
Seeing a speck of dirt on the child's face,
she took the corner of her apron and damped
it in her mouth. The guests were suddenly
convulsed by hearing through the half-open
door a shrill childish voice, "Tompany or no
tompany, me won't have my face washed with
spit. "
"Oh, mother," said Winnie, "you never let
me come into your bed now. You know I
would be as quiet and still as a deep lake. "
"What say? " was a favourite phrase of
Giggi's till I began to use it in speaking to
him. To my question "What say? " one
evening he replied with great dignity, "I
don't say that now, pappa; I say 'What you
say? '"
"Is it 'some time ' yet, mamma? " inquired
a patient little boy, who had begged for a knife
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"Because he let the women to the water
first, and drove the men away. "
Our embryo divine of seven delights in
recounting the ever-fascinating bible stories
with original variations. This is how Jonah is
"handled ":
"No, Jonah wasn't 'zackly a bad man, only
he didn't want to go and teach the children
which was their right hands and lefts. "
He is not very clear on this point himself, so
this is given out with a fine air of scorn.
"So, of course, the whale swallowed him;
but I 'spect he felt pretty tight, for he soon
began to cough, and cough, till up came Jonah,
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
and he wasn't hurted the least bit; but I think
he must have been very dirty. And so--well,
that's all about Jonah. "
A class of little boys had been having lessons
on Elijah. The chariot of fire had been the
subject of the last lesson. When their teacher
asked, "What did Elisha say when Elijah left
him? " one small boy said, "Please, teacher,
I know: he said, 'My father, my father, the
chariot of Israel and the horsemen, they are
off! '"
Paul interrupted a story of Daniel and the
pulse, which was described as porridge to
> simplify it. "Was it Quaker oats or Waver-
ley? " he asked, mindful of recent experi-
ences.
One of our boys was most anxious to be
permitted to work his mother's sewing machine.
Once, after listening attentively to the story of
Daniel's deliverance from the lions' den, he
asked eagerly, "And did his mother let him
work the sewing machine after that? "
A lady, who was conducting a class of boys
in a Sunday-school in the High Street of Edin-
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
burgh, gave for a lesson the call of Samuel in
the night.
The small urchins began a discussion, one
boy's version being that the gas went out, and
Samuel was left in the dark: another ex-
claimed, "It was naething o' the kind; it was
just a paraffin lamp. "
When little Ada, aged three, had been told
the story of Lot's wife being turned into a pillar
of salt, she asked her mother anxiously, "Is all
salt made of ladies? "
Later, when six years old, she was called one
Sunday, "Come, Ada, and learn your cate-
chism," whereupon she answered roguishly, " If
it's for me, it ought to be a kittychism! "
A little nephew and niece of mine were
playing in the garden, when their mother
observed that they had quarrelled and the
younger, a boy of three years, was crying.
On going down to inquire the cause he said,
"She called me a bad name, mother, and I'm
not that. "
The culprit confessed that she had pointed
at her little brother and said, "Go up, thou
bald-head, go up, thou bald-head," to him.
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
She was told then that the children were
being taken to the Zoo, and she should be left
at home, when she smartly replied, " If I went
perhaps the bears would eat me! "
I well remember the following incident of
early days in the old North-country home.
When my eldest brother (an exceptionally
gifted man, who scarcely lived to middle age)
was a very little boy his mother had occasion
to correct him for some fault, telling him that
his parents could not love him so well if he
did such things. He thought a moment, then
gravely replied, "When my father and mother
forsake me, the Lord will take me up! "
Another little child was sitting on a stool at
her mother's knee, learning a short prayer.
On former Sunday afternoons the reward for
a well-learnt text had been a French plum.
Winnie, as she sat clasping her fat little hands
on her fat little knees, chanced to catch sight
of the bottle with its white label, and the dear,
sticky, black things inside.
"I am thy servant," she repeated dreamily;
"I am thy servant: give me, give me--a plum! "
A plum was so much more desirable than mere
dull "understanding. "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"Now, what would you have done, Jim,"
asked a young teacher, giving a lesson on the
Flood, "if you had been there? "
"Taken a twam," said five-year-old Jim
wisely.
L. lived in Kensington. He was naughty, and
as a punishment his mother shut him in a
room and went out. As she returned she saw
her boy leaning as far out of the window as he
could, shouting, "Oh ! wretched man that I am,
who shall deliver me? "
It is very interesting to get at the real
thoughts of a young child; you find sometimes
that they have very practical minds.
Eric had said his text, "But now I am a
man I have put away childish things," and
remarked, "I think it was too bad of Paul to
put away his childish things, auntie; he might
have give them to another little boy. "
We remember a girlie who was often taken
by her grandma to visit the graves of little
ones dear to her.
One day, much to grandma's sorrow, she
found her girlie had told an untruth; so, to
improve the occasion, the story of Ananias and
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
Sapphira was related. Judge of the narrator's
feelings when the little one asked, "Are they
buried in Rosebank? " the cemetery she was
in the habit of walking in.
Doubtless she thought of visiting their
graves!
At a class of boys I had in the Sunday-school,
when they were reading aloud the Gospel one
of them read, "And when he had agreed with
the labourers for a penny a day," in a tone of
astonishment, and in the same breath, in a tone
of disgust, "How mean, teacher! "
A little girl, on hearing the parable of the
Prodigal Son, remarked, "I don't believe a
whole calf could be put on a dish. "
"Who was Father Christmas's father? "
asked a teacher of a child of seven, thinking
to puzzle him.
Like a flash came back the answer, "I should
think, like Joshua, he was the son of Nun"
[none].
Last Christmas morning the teacher ot an
infant class asked a child, "What day is this? "
"To-day is Jesus's birthday, and yesterday
was Sammy's," he answered.
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
The same children were asked, "Who was
Joseph's father? " Their faces were all blank,
until the teacher said "Jacob," when little
May brightened up, saying, "We get cakes
from Jacob " (the biscuit manufacturer).
Tom was present when his aunt, speaking
of Tennyson's death, said, "After all, he was
an old man; it was time for him to be in
Abraham's bosom. " "Abraham's bosom must
be nearly full now," said Tom; "perhaps he
will have to go into Isaac's. "
Lillie, seeing in a familiar hymn the line--
Cherubim and Seraphim falling down before Thee,
said, " Mother, was Cheru the boy? "
"What do you mean, dear? " asked her
mother.
"Because, you see, Sarah was the girl! "
Evidently she thought that the Bim and
Phim families were the worshippers.
A paterfamilias, having been in Leeds, found
it impossible to reach his home in Scotland
except by travelling with the Saturday night
express, which landed him at his destination
about eight o'clock next morning. One Sunday
morning, some weeks later, he found his two
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
boys, aged respectively five and two, driving a
railway express improvised from the drawer of
a wardrobe.
"Boys," he said, "trains don't go on
Sundays. "
"Oh, this is the Leeds train," said number
one, and went on with his mimic journey at
full speed.
"Willie! didn't I tell you not to play with
that cart on Sunday? "
Willie remembered watching his father drive
off that morning to one of his appointments in
the country.
"Yes, mother," he replied; "but this is a
preacher's cart. "
Once, after a lesson on being unselfish, one
child had been given a piece of paper on which
to scribble, when her brother of six made a
practical application: "I suppose, baby, you
won't be self-denying and give me that paper? "
Once a little girl about seven years of age
was at school, and seemed very eager to learn
and try to understand all her teacher said to
her. She was exceedingly fond of dolls, and
her mother had lately bought her a new one,
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
which she kept carefully. One day, while her
teacher was trying to explain to her class
of little ones about the well-known hymn,
"Ye must be born again," this bright-faced
child looked up eagerly and said, "Then I'll
keep my new doll until I am born again. "
One day a wee man remarked to his sister,
who was nearly six years old, "I'm going to
be a minister and pweach to the people. "
"Well," she said, "it is one of the safest of
trades. "
Some of their uncles are soldiers. When
the girl was between four and five years old her
grand-aunt read her Matthew xxv. Her com-
ment was, "When I am on the right hand, and
when I see you on the left, auntie, I'll be so
sorry. "
"I hope, Ernest, that you will come one day
and see my home," said a lady to a small boy
from whom she was soon to part.
"It will have to be soon," said Ernest, "for
you might be dead. "
"Do you think me so very old? "
"Yes. "
"Well, if we should never meet again on
earth, I hope we shall meet in heaven. "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"Oh," said Ernest, "but there are two
places! "
One Sunday forenoon a boy aged three
years old was playing: he looked up and asked,
"Ja-Joe, if a sailor dies at sea, is he buried in
the sea? "
Ja-Joe answered "Yes. "
"And do the fishes eat him, Ja-Joe? "
"I suppose so. "
Then a pause, when he said, "Ja-Joe, I'm
not going to be a sailor, because on the resur-
rection morning they will have such a scramble
out of the fishes' bread-baskets. "
Kate, aged eight, had been promised sixpence
to spend at the toy-shop. When she was ready
to go for her walk, her mother was unable, for
some reason, to give it her. "You shall have
it another time, dear," she said.
Kate was very angry, and sulked all the
rest of the morning. At last her governess
said, "It is very naughty of you to be so cross,
Katie, when mother gives you so many six-
pences. Think of the poor children who never
have any pennies! "
Kate became very dignified, and said in a
most injured voice, "You need not think it's
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
the sixpence I am troubling about, Miss Smith;
I am only grieved to find that my mother does
not keep her promises! "
One day Kate's elder brother, who was a
great tease, said, "You don't know your
Scripture history a bit, Kitty! "
"Indeed I do," the small maiden replied.
"Oh no, you don't," went on Master Gordon:
"you don't even know who were Ruth's father
and mother! "
"Yes, Gordon, I know quite well," she
answered indignantly, "only I never can per-
nounce those hard names. "
The remaining Sayings fall naturally into
the group which is conveniently called
miscellaneous, though several of them are
more or less closely related to one or other
of the preceding sections.
A little six-year-old nephew of mine, who
is very fond of modelling men and women
with pastry, arrived at a knowledge of the
universal fatherhood of God in a very un-
expected way. He and his sister were dining
with their parents, when the girl spoke rather
authoritatively to the servant. Their mother
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
took an opportunity to reprove her, and finished
by saying:
"You know, Nancy dear, you must not look
down on any one because she is a servant.
God made us all, and He might have made you
a servant had He chosen. "
The boy then thoughtfully remarked, "Yes,
Nancy, don't you know we are all God's
pastry? "
The sequel to this was rather pretty, for a
day or two after he was watching with disgust
some. boys playing in the mud, when some one
recommended him to join them, "because you
know, Arthur, we are all God's pastry. "
I expect the colour of some of his own pastry
occurred to his mind, for after a moment's
thought he answered, "Yes, so we are; but
I'm sure they are made of much dirtier
pastry than we are, and I won't play with
them. "
A practical illustration of love was given by
a little boy in a London omnibus. Sitting on
his grandmamma's knee, he saw a nigger
passing along the street. "Me not like black
man, nasty black man," began the child.
"You must not say that," instructed the
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
grandmother: "black man's very nice; you
should like black man. "
There was silence for a moment, then the
child looked up with a winning smile: "Would
you kiss black man, grandma? "
A funny remark was made by a little boy
who passed the cake to a lady caller and said:
"Please have some. " She refused, and he
said, "Oh! please do; it is getting so dry. "
When one of the children was on a visit
she was invited to take some gingerbread.
She would not, and the lady said, "Do take
some, it is really very nice. "
Little Margaret said, "It's not so werry
nice if you don't like it. "
"I wonder which of us will die first! " said
a little boy pensively to his sister.
"You will," said the little girl briskly, "'cos
you are the eldest. "
"No," answered her brother, not anxious for
the privilege; "ladies first. "
A little fellow aged two years and nine
months got into a bad habit of refusing to say
good-night. His aunt wished to make him
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
prove himself wrong, and the argument got to
"Who is older, you or I? "
Promptly he said, " I. "
"Very well, then ; you should teach me what
is right: what should I say before I go to
bed? "
With a slight pause he said, "You' prayers,"
then laughed most merrily.
The lecture collapsed.
A little girl was corrected by her mother
for something which she did not consider
wrong, and after some time she relieved her
mind by saying, "I love you, mamma, but I
don't like you. "
A little boy (cetat. five) once told me he didn't
think it was any use for him to begin writing
a diary, as he could not write the past years
of his life; but when he had a little boy he
should write his diary from the time he was
born, and then give it him when he was old
enough.
It is comical to see the practical side of a
child's mind in its developments. My little
girl was only two and a half when she first
experienced the delight of a garden "all for
her very own. "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"And will you plant potatoes in it ? " asked
one inquiring friend.
"Yes," said the small maiden, with a gleam,
at that early age, of a housewifely sense of
appropriate association; "yes, I will plant
potatoes and gravy in my garden! "
This same small damsel shortly before gave
her mother a most effectual check which could
not well be ignored. The latter, with the
usual rather provoking tendency of a grown-up
person, was apt to seize on minutes of com-
parative quietude and docility, and try to
improve the shining hour (or say, rather,
moment) by serious and edifying admoni-
tion.
I cannot quite remember whether the--
sermonette, shall we call it ? --on this occasion
was prompted by some wrongdoing, or whether
it was simply the effort of a young parent to
point a useful moral. However, encouraged
by rather unusual quiescence on the part of
the auditor, she must have exceeded the very
limited patience of that small person, for at
length, in the most indescribably coaxing and
altogether irresistible way, she was interrupted
by "' Amen' now, mamma! " and who could
continue after that broadest of hints?
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
One of our little girls was looking out of the
window, and noticed a lady passing who was
wearing a respirator. She remarked, "How
silly! she would not bite," evidently thinking
it was a sort of muzzle.
A little fellow was looking carefully at his
baby sister, and said, "Poor baby, she has no
teeth at all; you should take her to Mr. M. 's,"
mentioning the family dentist.
A little girl walking along a road carrying a
pitcher of milk made up to a big, strong-looking
man, who was going in the same direction.
She looked up in his face and said, "If I was
a strong man like you, I know what I would
do for a little girl walking beside him. I would
offer to carry her pitcher. "
Children's candour is often very inconvenient
to their elders. A gentleman kept very secret
from his neighbours what his business was in
London. Finding his little boy alone one day,
a friend said to the child, "Papa has gone to
the City to make you 'bread and cheese,' I
suppose? "
"No," was the grave reply; "papa makes
the finest varnish in the world. "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"Oh, do you think Miss will die? " said
a sweet little girl of four years old, referring to
a great friend of her own who had been taken
ill.
"Oh, I hope not! " said her sister of five
years cheerfully, and then added in a consoling
tone, "but if she does, it will at least be put in
the newspapers! "
Little worldling!
"Poor Uncle Horace," said Isobel, after a
visit to an English rectory, "he gets so sad:
he wants all the people in the parish to go to
heaven, and they won't go. "
A little girl was alone, amusing herself in an
unusually quiet way. Her grandmamma, noticing
this, called, "What are you doing, Lizzie? "
"Up to mistif, gannie," the little maid replied.
"I felt a d'op of rain," said a tiny urchin,
as he trotted down the lane by his mother's
side.
"Really? / did not," said she.
"How could you, when it came on my nose? "
was the reply.
"That's for 'ou," said a small church-goer,
popping her penny into the rector's hand instead
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
of the offertory-bag which he was handing to
her, and looking up admiringly into his amused
face.
Very ludicrous is the infantile assumption of
manliness. A little fellow was helping--I beg
his pardon, being helped by--a girl to house
turnips, and paused with a single "neep" in
both hands to say gloatingly, "You an' me's
a richt ma-a-n, Mary," rolling the a-a like a
sweet morsel.
He had often been told that his father was
away "workin' for meal," so one day he set out
to bear his part. Finding the men carting
manure, he unhesitatingly began to turn over
the unsavoury heap on his own account, and on
being somewhat peremptorily asked "what he
was daein' there," announced with an air of con-
scious but unappreciated rectitude, "Howkin'
for meal. "
There was a small man who was always
wanting a set of wickets, and one day, to his
surprise, his mother got him one, and among
other little boys he spent the day at cricket. In
the evening his mother went to bring him home,
and seeing that Bobby looked tired, she said,
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
'You must be exhausted; shall I carry your
bat and wickets? "
"Oh no," replied the boy; " I'm not tired; but
if you carry me, I shall manage to carry the
wickets. "
A little Iriend, seven years of age, cried
bitterly in the evening, because "Mother has
not even let me have one little grumble to-day,"
and once when she had behaved badly at table,
she looked up at her father (who was looking
solemn as the occasion required) and said sadly,
"I wish mother had married a man who did not
frown at me! "
A sweet little girl selling artificial flowers to
us at a bazaar showed her conscientious mind
by saying, "They are a penny each; but you
know they are not alive; they are stuffed. "
A father, before punishing his little son, who
had been naughty and stubborn, said they would
both pray. The father did so, and then the
little boy said, "Please, God, give me a better
father. "
Little Gracie's father is a slater. One very
wet day she met an acquaintance of her
mother's, who said to her, " Well, Grade, we
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
will need a very big umbrella to-day, to cover
up the hole in the sky. "
"Oh no," replied the child; "I'll just tell my
daddy to go up and mend it. "
A gentleman, standing in front of a mirror
arranging his hair, was asked by his little
daughter, "Does 'ou sink 'ouself vessy
pitty? "
The same child, when her father appeared
in his volunteer uniform, inquired, "Is 'ou
playing at being a soljer? "
One of the children had been taking great
notice of a young baby. She said afterwards,
"That baby's face was so hot, it had melted its
eyebrows quite off. "
One little fellow was ill and feverish, and
said, "Oh, I am so hot; I am sure I should fizz
if you put me in water! "
"We are both going to start a hobby," said
two small boys to me once. One was seven
years old and the other eight.
"That is right," I replied; "it is a good
thing for boys to have a hobby. What is yours
to be? "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"We are writing books," was the prompt
reply.
"Indeed! " I replied, as gravely as possible;
"and what are your books called? "
"Mine," said the younger, "is called
'Poyntry for the Young,' and it begins:
Under a spreading chesunt tree
The village black-snitch stands.
"And mine," said the elder child seriously,
"is called 'Recollections of my Early Days. '
But the worst of it is that when once you
begin there seems such a lot to write about. "
There was a little sister in the house who
was rather delicate. She often used to say,
"Oh, I do wish I were an angel. " Her
brothers and sisters always imagined that her
wish only originated from her saintly nature,
for she certainly was a very good child. She
greatly astonished them one day, on being
somewhat closely questioned, by saying,
"Then I should be able to fly up into the
nursery, and it does make me so tired to
walk. "
And this reminds me of the story of another
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
little girl, who lived and died hundreds
and hundreds of years ago. When she
was worn out and almost too weary to
move, she did not wish she were an angel,
but she said her simple prayers; and lo,
in a moment it seemed to her that the
prayers became visible creatures with
shining wings, and they caught her up
into the air, and carried her, in the
twinkling of an eye, to the place where she
would be. That, I think, must be the real
meaning of the legend told of St. Catherine
of Siena; for when she "was a little child,
and went to be a hermit in the woods, and
lost her way, and sat down to cry, the
Angels, you know, did really and truly
waft her up on their wings and carried her
to the valley of Fontebranda, which was
very near home. And when she was
quite a little thing, and used to say her
prayers going up to bed, the Angels would
come to her and just 'whip' her right up
the stairs in an instant! " That is still
the way with prayers--even in these days;
only, as a rule, they don't become visible.
Looking quite thoughtful, a little boy of
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
barely three years old said, "Mother, over
whose neck do you say your prayers? "
A nurse was putting the finishing touch to
her charge's toilet, preparatory to sending the
little girl into the dining-room for dessert.
Seeing a speck of dirt on the child's face,
she took the corner of her apron and damped
it in her mouth. The guests were suddenly
convulsed by hearing through the half-open
door a shrill childish voice, "Tompany or no
tompany, me won't have my face washed with
spit. "
"Oh, mother," said Winnie, "you never let
me come into your bed now. You know I
would be as quiet and still as a deep lake. "
"What say? " was a favourite phrase of
Giggi's till I began to use it in speaking to
him. To my question "What say? " one
evening he replied with great dignity, "I
don't say that now, pappa; I say 'What you
say? '"
"Is it 'some time ' yet, mamma? " inquired
a patient little boy, who had begged for a knife
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