For his wife was an exceedingly clever person, who was continually rating her husband for his stupidity; and when she saw they hadn't a
farthing
left, she fell as usual to scolding.
Universal Anthology - v01
"
Whereupon they set off in pursuit, but the cunning Par tridge played a thousand tricks, till they became so excited over the chase that they put their bundles on the ground in order to pursue it more nimbly. The Jackal, meanwhile, seiz ing his opportunity, crept up, and made off with a good dinner.
" Well," returned the Jackal, " I confess you have given me a very good dinner ; you have also made me laugh — and cry — ahem ! But, after all, the great test of friendship is beyond you — you couldn't save my life ! "
"Are you satisfied now? " asked the Partridge.
" Perhaps not," acquiesced the Partridge, mournfully, " I am so small and weak. But it grows late — we should be going home ; and as it is a long way round by the ford, let us go across the river. My friend the crocodile will carry us over. "
Accordingly, they set off for the river, and the crocodile kindly consented to carry them across ; so they sat on his broad back, and he ferried them over. But just as they were in the
middle of the stream the Partridge remarked : "
crocodile intends to play us a trick. How awkward if he were to drop you into the water ! "
" Awkward for you, too ! " replied the Jackal, turning pale.
I have wings, you haven't. "
On this the Jackal shivered and shook with fear, and when the crocodile, in a grewsome growl, remarked that he was
"Notatall! notatall!
hungry and wanted a good meal, the wretched creature hadn't a word to say.
" Pooh ! " cried the Partridge, airily, " don't try tricks on us — I should fly away, and as for my friend the Jackal, you couldn't hurt him. He is not such a fool as to take his life with him on these little excursions ; he leaves it at home locked up in the cupboard. "
"Is that a fact? " asked the crocodile, surprised.
" Certainly ! " retorted the Partridge. " Try to eat him if you like, but you will only tire yourself to no purpose. "
I believe the
232 HINDOO APOLOGUES.
" Dear me ! how very odd ! " gasped the crocodile ; and he was"so taken aback that he carried"the Jackal safe to shore.
Well, are you satisfied now ? asked the Partridge.
" My dear madam ! " quoth the Jackal, " you have made me
laugh, you have made me cry, you have given me a good din ner, and you have saved my life ; but upon my honor I think you are too clever for a friend : so, good-by ! "
And the Jackal never went near the Partridge again.
The Close Alliance,
a tale of woe.
One day a farmer went with his bullocks to plow his field. He had just turned the first furrow, when a tiger walked up to him, and said : " " Peace be with you, friend ! How are you this fine morning?
" The same to you, my lord, and I am pretty well, thank you ! " returned the farmer, quaking with fear, but thinking it wisest to be polite.
" I am glad to hear it," replied the tiger, cheerfully, " be cause Providence has sent me to eat your two bullocks. You are a God-fearing man, I know, so make haste and unyoke them. " "
" My friend, are you sure you are not making a mistake ? asked the farmer, whose courage had returned now that he knew it was merely a question of gobbling up bullocks ; " be cause Providence sent me to plow this field, and, in order to plow, one must have oxen. Had you not better go and make further inquiries ? "
" There is no occasion for delay, and I should be sorry to keep you waiting," returned the tiger. " If you'll unyoke the bullocks, I'll be ready in a moment. " With that the savage creature fell to sharpening his teeth and claws in a very signifi cant manner.
But the farmer begged and prayed that his oxen might not be eaten, and promised that if the tiger would spare them he would give in exchange a fine, fat young milch cow, which his wife had tied up in the yard at home.
To this the tiger agreed, and, taking the oxen with him, the farmer went sadly homewards. Seeing him return so early from the fields, his wife, who was a stirring, busy woman, called out,
HINDOO APOLOGUES. 233
" What ! lazybones ! — back already, and my work just begin ning ! "
Then the farmer explained how he had met the tiger, and how to save the bullocks he had promised the milch cow in exchange. At this the wife began to cry, saying : " A likely story, indeed ! — saving your stupid old bullocks at the ex pense of my beautiful cow ! Where will the children get milk? and how can I cook my pottage and collops without butter ? "
" All very fine, wife," retorted the farmer ; " but how can we make bread without corn? and how can you have corn without bullocks to plow the fields ? Pottage and collops are very nice, but it is better to do without milk and butter than without bread, so make haste and untie the cow. "
"You great gaby ! " wept the wife, "if you had an ounce of sense in your brain, you'd think of some plan to get out of the scrape ! "
" Think yourself ! " cried the husband, in a rage.
"Very well ! " returned the wife ; "but if I do the think
I can't do both. Go back to the tiger, and tell him the cow wouldn't come along with you, but
ing, you must obey orders ;
that your wife is bringing it. "
The farmer, who was a great coward, didn't half like the
idea of going back empty-handed to the tiger, but as he could think of no other plan he did as he was bid, and found the beast still sharpening his teeth and claws for very hunger ; and when he heard he had to wait still longer for his dinner, he began to prowl about, and lash his tail and curl his whiskers in a most terrible manner, causing the poor farmer's knees to knock together with terror.
Now, when the farmer had left the house, his wife went to the stable and saddled the pony ; then she put on her husband's best clothes, tied the turban very high, so as to make her look as tall as possible, bestrode the pony, and set off to the field where the tiger was.
She rode along, swaggering and blustering, till she came to where the lane"turned into the field, and then she called out, as bold as brass, Now, please the powers ! I may find a tiger in this place ; for I haven't tasted tiger's meat since yesterday, when, as luck would have it, I ate three for breakfast. "
Hearing these words, and seeing the speaker ride boldly at him, the tiger became so alarmed that he turned tail and bolted into the forest, going away at such a headlong pace that he
234 HINDOO APOLOGUES.
nearly overturned his own jackal ; for tigers always have a jackal of their own, who, as it were, waits at table, and clears
away the bones. " " My lord ! my lord !
cried the jackal, " whither away so
fast? " " " Run ! run !
panted the tiger ; " there's the very devil of a horseman in yonder fields, who thinks nothing of eating
three tigers for breakfast ! "
At this the jackal sniggered in his sleeve. " My dear lord,"
said he, " the sun has dazzled your eyes ! That was no horse man, but only the farmer's wife dressed up as a man ! "
" Are you quite sure ? " asked the tiger, pausing.
"Quite sure, my lord," repeated the jackal ; "and if your lordship's eyes had not been dazzled by — ahem ! — the sun, your lordship would have seen her pigtail hanging down be hind. " "
" But you may be mistaken ! "itwastheverydevilofahorseman tolookat! "
" Who's afraid ? " replied the brave jackal. " Come, don't give up your dinner because of a woman ! "
" But you may be bribed to betray me ! " argued the tiger, who, like all cowards, was suspicious.
" Let us go together, then ! " returned the gallant jackal. "
" Nay ! but you may take me there and then run away ! insisted the tiger, cunningly.
"In that case, let us tie our tails together, and then I can't ! " The jackal, you see, was determined not to be done out of his bones.
To this the tiger agreed, and having tied their tails to gether in a reef knot, the pair set off arm in arm.
Now the farmer and his wife had remained in the field, laughing over the trick she had played on the tiger, when, lo and behold ! what should they see but the gallant pair coming back ever so bravely, with their tails tied together.
"Run ! " cried the farmer ; "we are lost"! we are lost ! "
" Nothing of the kind, you great gaby ! answered his wife, coolly ; " if you will" only stop that noise and be quiet. I can't hear myself speak !
Then she waited till the pair were within hail, when she called out politely : " How very kind of you, dear Mr. Jackal,
to bring me such a nice fat tiger !
finishing my share of him, and then you can have the bones. "
persisted the cowardly tiger ;
I shan't be a moment
HINDOO APOLOGUES. 235
At these words the tiger became wild with fright, and quite forgetting the jackal, and that reef knot in their tails, he bolted away full tilt, dragging the jackal behind him. Bumpety, bump, bump, over the stones ! — crash, scratch, patch, through the briers !
In vain the poor jackal howled and shrieked to the tiger to stop, — the noise behind him only frightened the coward more ; and away he went, helter-skelter, hurry-scurry, over hill and dale, till he was nearly dead with fatigue, and the jackal was quite dead from bumps and bruises.
Moral — Don't tie your tail to a coward's.
The Tiger, the Brahman, and the Jackal.
Once upon a time a tiger was caught in a trap. He tried in vain to get out through the bars, and rolled and bit with
rage and grief when he failed. " By chance a poor Brahman came by.
probably eat me if I did. "
"Not at all ! " swore the tiger, with many oaths ; "on the
Now when the tiger sobbed and sighed and wept and swore, the pious Brahman's heart softened, and at last he consented to open the door of the cage. Out popped the tiger, and, seizing the poor man, cried : "What a fool you are ! What is to pre vent my eating you now,"for after being cooped up so long I am just terribly hungry !
In vain the Brahman pleaded for his life ; the most he could gain was a promise to abide by the decision of the first three things he chose to question as to the justice of the tiger's action.
So the Brahman first asked a pipal tree what it thought of the matter, but the pipal tree replied coldly : " What have you to complain about? Don't I give shade and shelter to every one who passes by, and don't they in return tear down my branches to feed their cattle? Don't whimper — be a man ! "
Then the Brahman, sad at heart, went farther afield till he
cage, O pious one ! " cried the tiger.
" Nay, my friend," replied the Brahman, mildly, " you would
contrary, I should be forever grateful, and serve you as a slave ! "
Let me out of this
236 HINDOO APOLOGUES.
saw a buffalo turning a well wheel ; but he fared no better
from for answered Look at me While and oil cake, but now refuse as fodder "
" You are fool to expect gratitude gave milk they fed me on cotton seed am dry they yoke me here, and give me
The Brahman, still more sad, asked the road to give him its opinion.
"My dear sir," said the road, "how foolish you are to
expect anything else Here am useful to everybody, yet all,
rich and poor, great and small, trample on me as they go past,
giving me nothing but the ashes of their pipes and the husks
"
of their grain
On this the Brahman turned back sorrowfully, and on the
way he met jackal, who called out " Why, what's the matter, Mr. Brahman? You look as miserable as fish out of water " Then the Brahman told him all that had occurred. " How
very confusing " said the jackal, when the recital was ended
" would you mind telling me over again for everything seems so mixed up "
The Brahman told all over again, but the jackal shook his head in distracted sort of way, and still could not under stand.
" It's very odd," said he, sadly, " but all seems to go in at one ear and out at the other will go to the place where
all happened, and then perhaps shall be able to give judg ment. "
So they returned to the cage, by which the tiger was wait ing for the Brahman, and sharpening his teeth and claws.
"You've been away long time " growled the savage beast, "but now let us begin our dinner. "
"Our dinner " thought the wretched Brahman, as his knees knocked together with fright "what remarkably delicate way of putting "
" Give me five minutes, my lord " he pleaded, " in order that may explain matters to the jackal here, who somewhat slow in his wits. "
The tiger consented, and the Brahman began the whole story over again, not missing single detail, and spinning as
long yarn as possible.
" Oh, my poor brain oh, my poor brain
"
cried the jackal,
wringing his paws. " Let me see how did were in the cage, and the tiger came walking by
all begin You
"
it !
a
I
it, a! a ! it
!
a
a is
? a
!
!
! it :
a !
! II
I :
it a !
;!
?
a
it
!
!
!
it; !
!
II
HINDOO APOLOGUES. I 237
" Pooh ! " interrupted the tiger, " what a fool you are ! was in the cage. "
I was in the cage fright; "yes! —
" Of course ! " cried the jackal, pretending to tremble with
—
where are my wits ? Let me see — the tiger was in the Brah
man, and the cage came walking by — no, that's not it either ! Well, don't mind me, but begin your dinner, for I shall never understand ! "
Look here —
"Yes, my lord ! "
" And that is the Brahman
"Yes, my lord! "
" And that is the cage
"Yes, my lord ! "
"And I was in the cage — do you understand? " "Yes—no— Please, mylord "
" Well ? " cried the tiger, impatiently.
"Please, my lord ! —how did you get in? "
"How ! —why, in the usual way, of course ! "
"Oh, dear me! — my head is beginning to whirl again!
" Yes, you shall ! " returned the tiger, in a rage at the
jackal's stupidity : " I'll make you understand ! I am the tiger "
" "
no, I wasn't
dear ! dear !
Please don't be angry, my lord, but what is the usual way ? " At this the tiger lost patience, and, jumping into the cage,
cried, " This way ! Now do you understand how it was ? "
" Perfectly ! " grinned the jackal, as he dexterously shut the door ; " and if you will permit me to say so, I think
matters will remain as they were ! "
The Barber's Clever Wife.
Once upon a time there lived a barber, who was such a poor silly creature that he couldn't even ply his trade decently, but snipped off his customers' ears instead of their hair, and cut their throats instead of shaving them. So of course he grew poorer every day, till at last he found himself with nothing left in his house but his wife and his razor, both of whom were as sharp as sharp could be.
For his wife was an exceedingly clever person, who was continually rating her husband for his stupidity; and when she saw they hadn't a farthing left, she fell as usual to scolding.
238 HINDOO APOLOGUES.
But the barber took it very"calmly. " What is the use of making such a fuss, my dear ? said he ; " you've told me all
this before, and I quite agree with you. I never diI
never could work, and I never will work. That is the fact ! "
" Then you must beg ! " returned his wife, " for
starve to please you ! Go to the palace and beg something of the King. There is a wedding feast going on, and he is sure to give alms to the poor. " "
" Very well, my dear ! said the barber, submissively. He was rather afraid of his clever wife, so he did as he was bid, and going to the palace, begged of the King to give him something. "
asked the King ; " what thing? "
Now the barber's wife had not mentioned anything in par ticular, and the barber was far too addle-pated to think of any
" Something?
thing by himself, so he answered cautiously, " Oh, something ! " " "Will a piece of land do ? " said the King.
Whereupon the lazy barber, glad to be helped out of the
d work, I
will not
difficulty, remarked that perhaps a piece of land would do as well as anything else.
Then the King ordered a piece of waste outside the city should be given to the barber, who went home quite satisfied.
"Well! what did you get? " asked the clever wife, who was waiting impatiently for his return. " Give it me quick, that Imay go and buy bread ! "
And you may imagine how she scolded when she found he had only got a piece of waste land.
" But land is land ! " remonstrated the barber ; " it can't run away, so we must always have something now ! "
"Was there ever such a dunderhead? " raged the clever wife. " What good is ground unless we can till it ? and where are we to get bullocks and plows ? "
But being, as we have said, an exceedingly clever person, she set her wits to work, and soon thought of a plan whereby to make the best of a bad bargain.
She took her husband with her, and set off to the piece of waste land ; then, bidding her husband imitate her, she began walking about the field, and peering anxiously into the ground. But when anybody came that way, she would sit down and pretend to be doing nothing at all.
Now it so happened that seven thieves were hiding in a thicket hard by, and they watched the barber and his wife
HINDOO APOLOGUES. 239
all day, until they became convinced something mysterious was going on. So at sunset they sent one of their number to try and"find out what it was.
Well, the fact is," said the barber's wife, after beating about the bush for some time, and with many injunctions to strict secrecy, "this field belonged to my grandfather, who buried five pots full of gold in it, and we were just trying to discover the exact spot " before beginning to dig. You won't tell any one, will you ?
The thief promised he wouldn't, of course, but the moment the barber and his wife went home, he called his companions, and telling them of the hidden treasure, set them to work. All night long they dug and delved, till the field looked as if it had been plowed seven times over, and they were as tired as tired could be ; but never a gold piece, nor a silver piece, nor a farthing did they find, so when dawn came they went away disgusted.
The barber's wife, when she found the field so beautifully plowed, laughed heartily at the success of her stratagem, and going to the corn dealer's shop, borrowed some rice to sow in the field. This the corn dealer willingly gave her, for he reckoned he would get it back threefold at harvest time. And so he did, for never was there such a crop ! — the barber's wife paid her debts, kept enough for the house, and sold the rest for a great crock of gold pieces.
Now, when the thieves saw this, they were very angry indeed, and going to the barber's house, said, " Give us our share of the harvest, for we tilled the ground, as you very well know. "
"I told you there was gold in the ground," laughed the barber's wife, " but you didn't find it. I have, and there's a crock full of it in the house, only you rascals shall never have a farthing of it ! "
" Very well ! " said the thieves ; " look out for yourself to night. If you won't give us our share, we'll take it ! "
So that night one of the thieves hid himself in the house, intending to open the door to his comrades when the house folk were asleep ; but the barber's wife saw him with the corner of her eye, and determined to lead him a dance. Therefore, when her husband, who was in a dreadful state of alarm, " asked her what she had done with the gold pieces, she replied, Put them where no one will find them — under the sweetmeats, in the crock that stands in the niche by the door. "
240 HINDOO APOLOGUES.
The thief chuckled at hearing this, and after waiting till all was quiet, he crept out, and feeling about for the crock, made off with it, whispering to his comrades that he had got the prize. Fearing pursuit, they fled to a thicket, where they sat down to divide the spoil.
"She said there were sweetmeats on the top," said the
thief ; "
I will divide them first, and then we can eat them, for it is hungry work, this waiting and watching. "
So he divided what he thought were the sweetmeats as well as he could in the dark. Now in reality the crock was full of all sorts of horrible things that the barber's wife had put there on purpose, and so when the thieves crammed its contents into their mouths, you may imagine what faces they made and how they vowed revenge.
But when they returned next day to threaten and repeat their claim to a share of the crop, the barber's wife only laughed at them. "
" Have a care ! they cried ; " twice you have fooled us — once by making us dig all night, and next by feeding us"on filth and breaking our caste. It will be our turn to-night !
Then another thief hid himself in the house, but the barber's wife saw him with half an eye, and when her husband asked,
" What have you done with the gold, my dear ?
haven't put it under the pillow ? " she answered, " Don't be alarmed; it is out of the house. I have hung it in the branches of the nim tree outside. No one will think of looking for it there ! "
The hidden thief chuckled, and when the house folk were asleep he slipped out and told his companions.
" Sure enough, there it is ! " cried the captain of the band, peering up into the branches. " One of you go up and fetch it down. " Now what he saw was really a hornets' nest, full of great big brown and yellow hornets.
So one of the thieves climbed up the tree ; but when he came close to the nest, and was just reaching up to take hold of it, a hornet flew out and stung him on the thigh. He imme diately clapped his hand to the spot.
" Oh, you thief ! " cried out the rest from below, " you're pocketing the gold pieces, are you ? Oh ! shabby ! shabby ! " — For you see it was very dark, and when the poor man clapped his hand to the place where he had been stung, they thought he was putting his hand in his pocket.
I hope you
HINDOO APOLOGUES. 241
" I assure you I'm not doing anything of the kind ! " re torted" the thief; "but there is something that bites in this tree !
Just at that moment another hornet stung him on the
breast, and he clapped his hand there. " " Fie ! fie, for shame ! We saw you do it that time !
cried the rest. "Just you stop that at once, or we will make
you ! "
So they sent up another thief, but he fared no better, for
by this time the hornets were thoroughly roused, and they stung the poor man all over, so that he kept clapping his hands
here, there, and everywhere. " " Shame ! Shabby ! Ssh-sh !
bawled the rest ; and then one after another they climbed into the tree, determined to share the booty, and one after another began clapping their
hands about their bodies, till it came to the captain's turn. Then he, intent on having the prize, seized hold of the hornets' nest, and as the branch on which they were all standing broke at the selfsame moment, they all came tumbling down with the hornets' nest on top of them. And then, in spite of bumps and bruises, you can imagine what a stampede there was !
After this the barber's wife had some peace, for every one of the seven thieves was in hospital. In fact, they were laid up for so long a time that she began to think that they were never coming back again, and ceased to be on the lookout. But she was wrong, for one night, when she had left the window open, she was awakened by whisperings outside, and at once recognized the thieves' voices. She gave herself up for lost ; but, determined not to yield without a struggle, she seized her husband's razor, crept to the side of the window, and stood quite still. By and by the first thief began to creep through cautiously. She just waited till the tip of his nose was visible, and then, flash ! — she sliced it off with the razor as clean as a whistle.
" Confound it ! " yelled the thief, drawing back mighty quick ; " I've cut my nose on something ! "
" Hush-sh-sh-sh ! " whispered the others, "you'll wake some one. Go on ! "
"Not I " " " ! said the thief ; I'm bleeding like a pig !
" Pooh ! — knocked your nose against the shutter, I sup pose," returned the second thief. " I'll go ! "
But, swish ! — off went the tip of his nose too.
242 HINDOO APOLOGUES.
" Dear me ! " said he, ruefully, " there certainly is something sharp inside ! "
" A bit of bamboo in the lattice, most likely," remarked the third thief. " I'll go ! "
And, flick ! — off went his nose too.
" It is most extraordinary ! " he exclaimed, hurriedly retir
ing; "
off! " "
I feel exactly as if some one had cut the tip of my nose
said "the fourth thief. all are ! Let me go !
"
What cowards you
Rubbish !
But he fared no better, nor the fifth thief, nor the sixth.
" My friends ! " said the captain, when it came to his turn, " you are all disabled. One man must remain unhurt to pro tect the wounded. Let us return another night. " — He was a cautious man, you see, and valued his nose.
So they crept away sulkily, and the barber's wife lit a lamp, and gathering up all the nose tips, put them away safely in a little box.
Now before the robbers' noses were healed over, the hot weather set in, and the barber and his wife, finding it warm sleeping in the house, put their beds outside ; for they made sure the thieves would not return. But they did, and seizing such a good opportunity for revenge, they lifted up the wife's bed, and carried her off fast asleep. She woke to find herself borne along on the heads of four of the thieves, whilst the other three ran beside her. She gave herself up for lost, and though she thought, and thought, and thought, she could find no way of escape ; till, as luck would have it, the robbers paused to take breath under a banyan tree. Quick as light ning, she seized hold of a branch that was within reach, and swung herself into the tree, leaving her quilt on the bed just as if she were still in it.
" Let us rest a bit here," said the thieves who were carry ing the bed ; " there "is plenty of time, and we are tired. She is dreadfully heavy !
The barber's wife could hardly help laughing, but she had to keep very still, for it was a bright moonlight night ; and the robbers, after setting down their burden, began to squabble as to who should take first watch. At last they determined that it should be the captain, for the others had really barely re covered from the shock of having their noses sliced off; so they lay down to sleep, while the captain walked up and down,
HINDOO APOLOGUES. 243
watching the bed , and the barber's wife sat perched up in the tree like a great bird.
Suddenly an idea came into her head, and drawing her white veil becomingly over her face, she began to sing softly. The robber captain looked up, and saw the veiled figure of a woman in the tree. Of course he was a little surprised, but being a good-looking young fellow, and rather vain of his ap pearance, he jumped at once to the conclusion that it was a fairy who had fallen in love with his handsome face. For fairies do such things sometimes, especially on moonlight nights. So he twirled his mustaches, and strutted about, waiting for her to speak. But when she went on singing, and took no notice of him, he stopped and called out: "Come down,
I won't hurt you !
But still she went on singing ; so he climbed up into the
my beauty !
"
tree, determined to attract her attention. When he came quite close, she turned away her head and sighed.
" What is the matter, my beauty ? " he asked tenderly. " Of course you are a fairy, and have fallen in love with me, but there is nothing to sigh at in that, surely ? "
"Ah — ah — ah ! " said the barber's wife, with another sigh, " I believe you're fickle ! Men with long-pointed noses always are! "
But the robber captain swore he was the most constant of men; yet still the fairy sighed and sighed, until he almost wished his nose had been shortened too.
" You are telling stories, I am sure ! " said the pretended fairy. " Just let me touch your tongue with the tip of mine, and then I shall be able to taste if there are fibs about ! "
So the robber captain put out his tongue, and snip ! — the barber's wife bit the tip off clean !
What with the fright and the pain, he tumbled off the branch, and fell bump on the ground, where he sat with his legs very wide apart, looking as if he had come from the skies.
" What is the matter ? " cried his comrades, awakened by the noise of his fall. "'
"Bul-ul-a-bul-ul-vl 1 answered he, pointing up into the tree ; for of course he could not speak plainly without the tip of his tongue.
" What—is—the —matter ? " they bawled in his ear, as if that would do any good. "
" BiU-ul-a-bul-ul-ul ! said he, still pointing upwards.
244 HINDOO APOLOGUES.
"The man is bewitched ! " cried one ; "there must be a ghost in the tree ! "
Just then the barber's wife began flapping her veil and howl ing ; whereupon, without waiting to look, the thieves in a ter rible fright set off at a run, dragging their leader with them ; and the barber's wife, coming down from the tree, put her bed on her head, and walked quietly home.
After this, the thieves came to the conclusion that it was no use trying to gain their point by force, so they went to law to claim their share. But the barber's wife pleaded her own cause so well, bringing out the nose and tongue tips as witnesses, that the King made the barber his Wazir, saying, " He will never do a foolish thing as long as his wife is alive ! "
The King who was Fried.
Once upon a time, a very long time ago indeed, there lived a King who had made a vow never to eat bread or break his fast until he had given away a hundredweight of gold in charity.
— So every day, before King Karan — for that was his name
had his breakfast, the palace servants would come out with baskets and baskets of gold pieces to scatter amongst the crowds of poor folk, who, you may be sure, never forgot to be there to receive the alms. How they used to hustle and bustle and struggle and scramble ! Then, when the last golden piece had been fought for, King Karan would sit down to his breakfast, and enjoy it as a man who has kept his word should do.
Now, when people saw the King lavishing his gold in this fashion, they naturally thought that sooner or later the royal treasuries must give out, the gold come to an end, and the King — who was evidently a man of his word — die of starvation. But, though months and years passed by, every day, just a quarter of an hour before breakfast time, the servants came out of the palace with baskets and baskets of gold ; and as the crowds dispersed they could see the King sitting down to his
breakfast in the royal banqueting hall, as jolly and fat and hungry as could be.
Now, of course, there was some secret in all this, and this secret I shall now tell you. King Karan had made a compact with a holy and very hungry old faqir, who lived at the top of the hill ; and the compact was this : On condition of King Karan
HINDOO APOLOGUES. 245
allowing himself to be fried and eaten for breakfast every day, the faqir gave him a hundredweight of pure gold.
Of course, had the faqir been an ordinary sort of person, the compact would not have lasted long, for once King Karan had been fried and eaten, there would have been an end of the mat ter. But the faqir was a very remarkable faqir indeed ; and when he had eaten the King, and picked the bones quite clean, he just put them together, said a charm or two, and, hey presto ! there was King Karan as fat and jolly as ever, ready for the next morning's breakfast. In fact, the faqir made no bones at all over the affair, which, it must be confessed, was very con venient both for the breakfast and the breakfast eater. Never theless, it was, of course, not pleasant to be popped alive every morning into a great frying pan of boiling oil ; and for my part, I think King Karan earned his hundredweight of gold handsomely. But after a time he got accustomed to the pro cess, and would go up quite cheerfully to the holy and hungry one's house, where the biggest frying pan was spitting and sputtering over the sacred fire. Then he would just pass the time of day to the faqir, to make sure he was punctual, and step gracefully into his hot oil bath. My goodness! how he sizzled and fizzled !
Whereupon they set off in pursuit, but the cunning Par tridge played a thousand tricks, till they became so excited over the chase that they put their bundles on the ground in order to pursue it more nimbly. The Jackal, meanwhile, seiz ing his opportunity, crept up, and made off with a good dinner.
" Well," returned the Jackal, " I confess you have given me a very good dinner ; you have also made me laugh — and cry — ahem ! But, after all, the great test of friendship is beyond you — you couldn't save my life ! "
"Are you satisfied now? " asked the Partridge.
" Perhaps not," acquiesced the Partridge, mournfully, " I am so small and weak. But it grows late — we should be going home ; and as it is a long way round by the ford, let us go across the river. My friend the crocodile will carry us over. "
Accordingly, they set off for the river, and the crocodile kindly consented to carry them across ; so they sat on his broad back, and he ferried them over. But just as they were in the
middle of the stream the Partridge remarked : "
crocodile intends to play us a trick. How awkward if he were to drop you into the water ! "
" Awkward for you, too ! " replied the Jackal, turning pale.
I have wings, you haven't. "
On this the Jackal shivered and shook with fear, and when the crocodile, in a grewsome growl, remarked that he was
"Notatall! notatall!
hungry and wanted a good meal, the wretched creature hadn't a word to say.
" Pooh ! " cried the Partridge, airily, " don't try tricks on us — I should fly away, and as for my friend the Jackal, you couldn't hurt him. He is not such a fool as to take his life with him on these little excursions ; he leaves it at home locked up in the cupboard. "
"Is that a fact? " asked the crocodile, surprised.
" Certainly ! " retorted the Partridge. " Try to eat him if you like, but you will only tire yourself to no purpose. "
I believe the
232 HINDOO APOLOGUES.
" Dear me ! how very odd ! " gasped the crocodile ; and he was"so taken aback that he carried"the Jackal safe to shore.
Well, are you satisfied now ? asked the Partridge.
" My dear madam ! " quoth the Jackal, " you have made me
laugh, you have made me cry, you have given me a good din ner, and you have saved my life ; but upon my honor I think you are too clever for a friend : so, good-by ! "
And the Jackal never went near the Partridge again.
The Close Alliance,
a tale of woe.
One day a farmer went with his bullocks to plow his field. He had just turned the first furrow, when a tiger walked up to him, and said : " " Peace be with you, friend ! How are you this fine morning?
" The same to you, my lord, and I am pretty well, thank you ! " returned the farmer, quaking with fear, but thinking it wisest to be polite.
" I am glad to hear it," replied the tiger, cheerfully, " be cause Providence has sent me to eat your two bullocks. You are a God-fearing man, I know, so make haste and unyoke them. " "
" My friend, are you sure you are not making a mistake ? asked the farmer, whose courage had returned now that he knew it was merely a question of gobbling up bullocks ; " be cause Providence sent me to plow this field, and, in order to plow, one must have oxen. Had you not better go and make further inquiries ? "
" There is no occasion for delay, and I should be sorry to keep you waiting," returned the tiger. " If you'll unyoke the bullocks, I'll be ready in a moment. " With that the savage creature fell to sharpening his teeth and claws in a very signifi cant manner.
But the farmer begged and prayed that his oxen might not be eaten, and promised that if the tiger would spare them he would give in exchange a fine, fat young milch cow, which his wife had tied up in the yard at home.
To this the tiger agreed, and, taking the oxen with him, the farmer went sadly homewards. Seeing him return so early from the fields, his wife, who was a stirring, busy woman, called out,
HINDOO APOLOGUES. 233
" What ! lazybones ! — back already, and my work just begin ning ! "
Then the farmer explained how he had met the tiger, and how to save the bullocks he had promised the milch cow in exchange. At this the wife began to cry, saying : " A likely story, indeed ! — saving your stupid old bullocks at the ex pense of my beautiful cow ! Where will the children get milk? and how can I cook my pottage and collops without butter ? "
" All very fine, wife," retorted the farmer ; " but how can we make bread without corn? and how can you have corn without bullocks to plow the fields ? Pottage and collops are very nice, but it is better to do without milk and butter than without bread, so make haste and untie the cow. "
"You great gaby ! " wept the wife, "if you had an ounce of sense in your brain, you'd think of some plan to get out of the scrape ! "
" Think yourself ! " cried the husband, in a rage.
"Very well ! " returned the wife ; "but if I do the think
I can't do both. Go back to the tiger, and tell him the cow wouldn't come along with you, but
ing, you must obey orders ;
that your wife is bringing it. "
The farmer, who was a great coward, didn't half like the
idea of going back empty-handed to the tiger, but as he could think of no other plan he did as he was bid, and found the beast still sharpening his teeth and claws for very hunger ; and when he heard he had to wait still longer for his dinner, he began to prowl about, and lash his tail and curl his whiskers in a most terrible manner, causing the poor farmer's knees to knock together with terror.
Now, when the farmer had left the house, his wife went to the stable and saddled the pony ; then she put on her husband's best clothes, tied the turban very high, so as to make her look as tall as possible, bestrode the pony, and set off to the field where the tiger was.
She rode along, swaggering and blustering, till she came to where the lane"turned into the field, and then she called out, as bold as brass, Now, please the powers ! I may find a tiger in this place ; for I haven't tasted tiger's meat since yesterday, when, as luck would have it, I ate three for breakfast. "
Hearing these words, and seeing the speaker ride boldly at him, the tiger became so alarmed that he turned tail and bolted into the forest, going away at such a headlong pace that he
234 HINDOO APOLOGUES.
nearly overturned his own jackal ; for tigers always have a jackal of their own, who, as it were, waits at table, and clears
away the bones. " " My lord ! my lord !
cried the jackal, " whither away so
fast? " " " Run ! run !
panted the tiger ; " there's the very devil of a horseman in yonder fields, who thinks nothing of eating
three tigers for breakfast ! "
At this the jackal sniggered in his sleeve. " My dear lord,"
said he, " the sun has dazzled your eyes ! That was no horse man, but only the farmer's wife dressed up as a man ! "
" Are you quite sure ? " asked the tiger, pausing.
"Quite sure, my lord," repeated the jackal ; "and if your lordship's eyes had not been dazzled by — ahem ! — the sun, your lordship would have seen her pigtail hanging down be hind. " "
" But you may be mistaken ! "itwastheverydevilofahorseman tolookat! "
" Who's afraid ? " replied the brave jackal. " Come, don't give up your dinner because of a woman ! "
" But you may be bribed to betray me ! " argued the tiger, who, like all cowards, was suspicious.
" Let us go together, then ! " returned the gallant jackal. "
" Nay ! but you may take me there and then run away ! insisted the tiger, cunningly.
"In that case, let us tie our tails together, and then I can't ! " The jackal, you see, was determined not to be done out of his bones.
To this the tiger agreed, and having tied their tails to gether in a reef knot, the pair set off arm in arm.
Now the farmer and his wife had remained in the field, laughing over the trick she had played on the tiger, when, lo and behold ! what should they see but the gallant pair coming back ever so bravely, with their tails tied together.
"Run ! " cried the farmer ; "we are lost"! we are lost ! "
" Nothing of the kind, you great gaby ! answered his wife, coolly ; " if you will" only stop that noise and be quiet. I can't hear myself speak !
Then she waited till the pair were within hail, when she called out politely : " How very kind of you, dear Mr. Jackal,
to bring me such a nice fat tiger !
finishing my share of him, and then you can have the bones. "
persisted the cowardly tiger ;
I shan't be a moment
HINDOO APOLOGUES. 235
At these words the tiger became wild with fright, and quite forgetting the jackal, and that reef knot in their tails, he bolted away full tilt, dragging the jackal behind him. Bumpety, bump, bump, over the stones ! — crash, scratch, patch, through the briers !
In vain the poor jackal howled and shrieked to the tiger to stop, — the noise behind him only frightened the coward more ; and away he went, helter-skelter, hurry-scurry, over hill and dale, till he was nearly dead with fatigue, and the jackal was quite dead from bumps and bruises.
Moral — Don't tie your tail to a coward's.
The Tiger, the Brahman, and the Jackal.
Once upon a time a tiger was caught in a trap. He tried in vain to get out through the bars, and rolled and bit with
rage and grief when he failed. " By chance a poor Brahman came by.
probably eat me if I did. "
"Not at all ! " swore the tiger, with many oaths ; "on the
Now when the tiger sobbed and sighed and wept and swore, the pious Brahman's heart softened, and at last he consented to open the door of the cage. Out popped the tiger, and, seizing the poor man, cried : "What a fool you are ! What is to pre vent my eating you now,"for after being cooped up so long I am just terribly hungry !
In vain the Brahman pleaded for his life ; the most he could gain was a promise to abide by the decision of the first three things he chose to question as to the justice of the tiger's action.
So the Brahman first asked a pipal tree what it thought of the matter, but the pipal tree replied coldly : " What have you to complain about? Don't I give shade and shelter to every one who passes by, and don't they in return tear down my branches to feed their cattle? Don't whimper — be a man ! "
Then the Brahman, sad at heart, went farther afield till he
cage, O pious one ! " cried the tiger.
" Nay, my friend," replied the Brahman, mildly, " you would
contrary, I should be forever grateful, and serve you as a slave ! "
Let me out of this
236 HINDOO APOLOGUES.
saw a buffalo turning a well wheel ; but he fared no better
from for answered Look at me While and oil cake, but now refuse as fodder "
" You are fool to expect gratitude gave milk they fed me on cotton seed am dry they yoke me here, and give me
The Brahman, still more sad, asked the road to give him its opinion.
"My dear sir," said the road, "how foolish you are to
expect anything else Here am useful to everybody, yet all,
rich and poor, great and small, trample on me as they go past,
giving me nothing but the ashes of their pipes and the husks
"
of their grain
On this the Brahman turned back sorrowfully, and on the
way he met jackal, who called out " Why, what's the matter, Mr. Brahman? You look as miserable as fish out of water " Then the Brahman told him all that had occurred. " How
very confusing " said the jackal, when the recital was ended
" would you mind telling me over again for everything seems so mixed up "
The Brahman told all over again, but the jackal shook his head in distracted sort of way, and still could not under stand.
" It's very odd," said he, sadly, " but all seems to go in at one ear and out at the other will go to the place where
all happened, and then perhaps shall be able to give judg ment. "
So they returned to the cage, by which the tiger was wait ing for the Brahman, and sharpening his teeth and claws.
"You've been away long time " growled the savage beast, "but now let us begin our dinner. "
"Our dinner " thought the wretched Brahman, as his knees knocked together with fright "what remarkably delicate way of putting "
" Give me five minutes, my lord " he pleaded, " in order that may explain matters to the jackal here, who somewhat slow in his wits. "
The tiger consented, and the Brahman began the whole story over again, not missing single detail, and spinning as
long yarn as possible.
" Oh, my poor brain oh, my poor brain
"
cried the jackal,
wringing his paws. " Let me see how did were in the cage, and the tiger came walking by
all begin You
"
it !
a
I
it, a! a ! it
!
a
a is
? a
!
!
! it :
a !
! II
I :
it a !
;!
?
a
it
!
!
!
it; !
!
II
HINDOO APOLOGUES. I 237
" Pooh ! " interrupted the tiger, " what a fool you are ! was in the cage. "
I was in the cage fright; "yes! —
" Of course ! " cried the jackal, pretending to tremble with
—
where are my wits ? Let me see — the tiger was in the Brah
man, and the cage came walking by — no, that's not it either ! Well, don't mind me, but begin your dinner, for I shall never understand ! "
Look here —
"Yes, my lord ! "
" And that is the Brahman
"Yes, my lord! "
" And that is the cage
"Yes, my lord ! "
"And I was in the cage — do you understand? " "Yes—no— Please, mylord "
" Well ? " cried the tiger, impatiently.
"Please, my lord ! —how did you get in? "
"How ! —why, in the usual way, of course ! "
"Oh, dear me! — my head is beginning to whirl again!
" Yes, you shall ! " returned the tiger, in a rage at the
jackal's stupidity : " I'll make you understand ! I am the tiger "
" "
no, I wasn't
dear ! dear !
Please don't be angry, my lord, but what is the usual way ? " At this the tiger lost patience, and, jumping into the cage,
cried, " This way ! Now do you understand how it was ? "
" Perfectly ! " grinned the jackal, as he dexterously shut the door ; " and if you will permit me to say so, I think
matters will remain as they were ! "
The Barber's Clever Wife.
Once upon a time there lived a barber, who was such a poor silly creature that he couldn't even ply his trade decently, but snipped off his customers' ears instead of their hair, and cut their throats instead of shaving them. So of course he grew poorer every day, till at last he found himself with nothing left in his house but his wife and his razor, both of whom were as sharp as sharp could be.
For his wife was an exceedingly clever person, who was continually rating her husband for his stupidity; and when she saw they hadn't a farthing left, she fell as usual to scolding.
238 HINDOO APOLOGUES.
But the barber took it very"calmly. " What is the use of making such a fuss, my dear ? said he ; " you've told me all
this before, and I quite agree with you. I never diI
never could work, and I never will work. That is the fact ! "
" Then you must beg ! " returned his wife, " for
starve to please you ! Go to the palace and beg something of the King. There is a wedding feast going on, and he is sure to give alms to the poor. " "
" Very well, my dear ! said the barber, submissively. He was rather afraid of his clever wife, so he did as he was bid, and going to the palace, begged of the King to give him something. "
asked the King ; " what thing? "
Now the barber's wife had not mentioned anything in par ticular, and the barber was far too addle-pated to think of any
" Something?
thing by himself, so he answered cautiously, " Oh, something ! " " "Will a piece of land do ? " said the King.
Whereupon the lazy barber, glad to be helped out of the
d work, I
will not
difficulty, remarked that perhaps a piece of land would do as well as anything else.
Then the King ordered a piece of waste outside the city should be given to the barber, who went home quite satisfied.
"Well! what did you get? " asked the clever wife, who was waiting impatiently for his return. " Give it me quick, that Imay go and buy bread ! "
And you may imagine how she scolded when she found he had only got a piece of waste land.
" But land is land ! " remonstrated the barber ; " it can't run away, so we must always have something now ! "
"Was there ever such a dunderhead? " raged the clever wife. " What good is ground unless we can till it ? and where are we to get bullocks and plows ? "
But being, as we have said, an exceedingly clever person, she set her wits to work, and soon thought of a plan whereby to make the best of a bad bargain.
She took her husband with her, and set off to the piece of waste land ; then, bidding her husband imitate her, she began walking about the field, and peering anxiously into the ground. But when anybody came that way, she would sit down and pretend to be doing nothing at all.
Now it so happened that seven thieves were hiding in a thicket hard by, and they watched the barber and his wife
HINDOO APOLOGUES. 239
all day, until they became convinced something mysterious was going on. So at sunset they sent one of their number to try and"find out what it was.
Well, the fact is," said the barber's wife, after beating about the bush for some time, and with many injunctions to strict secrecy, "this field belonged to my grandfather, who buried five pots full of gold in it, and we were just trying to discover the exact spot " before beginning to dig. You won't tell any one, will you ?
The thief promised he wouldn't, of course, but the moment the barber and his wife went home, he called his companions, and telling them of the hidden treasure, set them to work. All night long they dug and delved, till the field looked as if it had been plowed seven times over, and they were as tired as tired could be ; but never a gold piece, nor a silver piece, nor a farthing did they find, so when dawn came they went away disgusted.
The barber's wife, when she found the field so beautifully plowed, laughed heartily at the success of her stratagem, and going to the corn dealer's shop, borrowed some rice to sow in the field. This the corn dealer willingly gave her, for he reckoned he would get it back threefold at harvest time. And so he did, for never was there such a crop ! — the barber's wife paid her debts, kept enough for the house, and sold the rest for a great crock of gold pieces.
Now, when the thieves saw this, they were very angry indeed, and going to the barber's house, said, " Give us our share of the harvest, for we tilled the ground, as you very well know. "
"I told you there was gold in the ground," laughed the barber's wife, " but you didn't find it. I have, and there's a crock full of it in the house, only you rascals shall never have a farthing of it ! "
" Very well ! " said the thieves ; " look out for yourself to night. If you won't give us our share, we'll take it ! "
So that night one of the thieves hid himself in the house, intending to open the door to his comrades when the house folk were asleep ; but the barber's wife saw him with the corner of her eye, and determined to lead him a dance. Therefore, when her husband, who was in a dreadful state of alarm, " asked her what she had done with the gold pieces, she replied, Put them where no one will find them — under the sweetmeats, in the crock that stands in the niche by the door. "
240 HINDOO APOLOGUES.
The thief chuckled at hearing this, and after waiting till all was quiet, he crept out, and feeling about for the crock, made off with it, whispering to his comrades that he had got the prize. Fearing pursuit, they fled to a thicket, where they sat down to divide the spoil.
"She said there were sweetmeats on the top," said the
thief ; "
I will divide them first, and then we can eat them, for it is hungry work, this waiting and watching. "
So he divided what he thought were the sweetmeats as well as he could in the dark. Now in reality the crock was full of all sorts of horrible things that the barber's wife had put there on purpose, and so when the thieves crammed its contents into their mouths, you may imagine what faces they made and how they vowed revenge.
But when they returned next day to threaten and repeat their claim to a share of the crop, the barber's wife only laughed at them. "
" Have a care ! they cried ; " twice you have fooled us — once by making us dig all night, and next by feeding us"on filth and breaking our caste. It will be our turn to-night !
Then another thief hid himself in the house, but the barber's wife saw him with half an eye, and when her husband asked,
" What have you done with the gold, my dear ?
haven't put it under the pillow ? " she answered, " Don't be alarmed; it is out of the house. I have hung it in the branches of the nim tree outside. No one will think of looking for it there ! "
The hidden thief chuckled, and when the house folk were asleep he slipped out and told his companions.
" Sure enough, there it is ! " cried the captain of the band, peering up into the branches. " One of you go up and fetch it down. " Now what he saw was really a hornets' nest, full of great big brown and yellow hornets.
So one of the thieves climbed up the tree ; but when he came close to the nest, and was just reaching up to take hold of it, a hornet flew out and stung him on the thigh. He imme diately clapped his hand to the spot.
" Oh, you thief ! " cried out the rest from below, " you're pocketing the gold pieces, are you ? Oh ! shabby ! shabby ! " — For you see it was very dark, and when the poor man clapped his hand to the place where he had been stung, they thought he was putting his hand in his pocket.
I hope you
HINDOO APOLOGUES. 241
" I assure you I'm not doing anything of the kind ! " re torted" the thief; "but there is something that bites in this tree !
Just at that moment another hornet stung him on the
breast, and he clapped his hand there. " " Fie ! fie, for shame ! We saw you do it that time !
cried the rest. "Just you stop that at once, or we will make
you ! "
So they sent up another thief, but he fared no better, for
by this time the hornets were thoroughly roused, and they stung the poor man all over, so that he kept clapping his hands
here, there, and everywhere. " " Shame ! Shabby ! Ssh-sh !
bawled the rest ; and then one after another they climbed into the tree, determined to share the booty, and one after another began clapping their
hands about their bodies, till it came to the captain's turn. Then he, intent on having the prize, seized hold of the hornets' nest, and as the branch on which they were all standing broke at the selfsame moment, they all came tumbling down with the hornets' nest on top of them. And then, in spite of bumps and bruises, you can imagine what a stampede there was !
After this the barber's wife had some peace, for every one of the seven thieves was in hospital. In fact, they were laid up for so long a time that she began to think that they were never coming back again, and ceased to be on the lookout. But she was wrong, for one night, when she had left the window open, she was awakened by whisperings outside, and at once recognized the thieves' voices. She gave herself up for lost ; but, determined not to yield without a struggle, she seized her husband's razor, crept to the side of the window, and stood quite still. By and by the first thief began to creep through cautiously. She just waited till the tip of his nose was visible, and then, flash ! — she sliced it off with the razor as clean as a whistle.
" Confound it ! " yelled the thief, drawing back mighty quick ; " I've cut my nose on something ! "
" Hush-sh-sh-sh ! " whispered the others, "you'll wake some one. Go on ! "
"Not I " " " ! said the thief ; I'm bleeding like a pig !
" Pooh ! — knocked your nose against the shutter, I sup pose," returned the second thief. " I'll go ! "
But, swish ! — off went the tip of his nose too.
242 HINDOO APOLOGUES.
" Dear me ! " said he, ruefully, " there certainly is something sharp inside ! "
" A bit of bamboo in the lattice, most likely," remarked the third thief. " I'll go ! "
And, flick ! — off went his nose too.
" It is most extraordinary ! " he exclaimed, hurriedly retir
ing; "
off! " "
I feel exactly as if some one had cut the tip of my nose
said "the fourth thief. all are ! Let me go !
"
What cowards you
Rubbish !
But he fared no better, nor the fifth thief, nor the sixth.
" My friends ! " said the captain, when it came to his turn, " you are all disabled. One man must remain unhurt to pro tect the wounded. Let us return another night. " — He was a cautious man, you see, and valued his nose.
So they crept away sulkily, and the barber's wife lit a lamp, and gathering up all the nose tips, put them away safely in a little box.
Now before the robbers' noses were healed over, the hot weather set in, and the barber and his wife, finding it warm sleeping in the house, put their beds outside ; for they made sure the thieves would not return. But they did, and seizing such a good opportunity for revenge, they lifted up the wife's bed, and carried her off fast asleep. She woke to find herself borne along on the heads of four of the thieves, whilst the other three ran beside her. She gave herself up for lost, and though she thought, and thought, and thought, she could find no way of escape ; till, as luck would have it, the robbers paused to take breath under a banyan tree. Quick as light ning, she seized hold of a branch that was within reach, and swung herself into the tree, leaving her quilt on the bed just as if she were still in it.
" Let us rest a bit here," said the thieves who were carry ing the bed ; " there "is plenty of time, and we are tired. She is dreadfully heavy !
The barber's wife could hardly help laughing, but she had to keep very still, for it was a bright moonlight night ; and the robbers, after setting down their burden, began to squabble as to who should take first watch. At last they determined that it should be the captain, for the others had really barely re covered from the shock of having their noses sliced off; so they lay down to sleep, while the captain walked up and down,
HINDOO APOLOGUES. 243
watching the bed , and the barber's wife sat perched up in the tree like a great bird.
Suddenly an idea came into her head, and drawing her white veil becomingly over her face, she began to sing softly. The robber captain looked up, and saw the veiled figure of a woman in the tree. Of course he was a little surprised, but being a good-looking young fellow, and rather vain of his ap pearance, he jumped at once to the conclusion that it was a fairy who had fallen in love with his handsome face. For fairies do such things sometimes, especially on moonlight nights. So he twirled his mustaches, and strutted about, waiting for her to speak. But when she went on singing, and took no notice of him, he stopped and called out: "Come down,
I won't hurt you !
But still she went on singing ; so he climbed up into the
my beauty !
"
tree, determined to attract her attention. When he came quite close, she turned away her head and sighed.
" What is the matter, my beauty ? " he asked tenderly. " Of course you are a fairy, and have fallen in love with me, but there is nothing to sigh at in that, surely ? "
"Ah — ah — ah ! " said the barber's wife, with another sigh, " I believe you're fickle ! Men with long-pointed noses always are! "
But the robber captain swore he was the most constant of men; yet still the fairy sighed and sighed, until he almost wished his nose had been shortened too.
" You are telling stories, I am sure ! " said the pretended fairy. " Just let me touch your tongue with the tip of mine, and then I shall be able to taste if there are fibs about ! "
So the robber captain put out his tongue, and snip ! — the barber's wife bit the tip off clean !
What with the fright and the pain, he tumbled off the branch, and fell bump on the ground, where he sat with his legs very wide apart, looking as if he had come from the skies.
" What is the matter ? " cried his comrades, awakened by the noise of his fall. "'
"Bul-ul-a-bul-ul-vl 1 answered he, pointing up into the tree ; for of course he could not speak plainly without the tip of his tongue.
" What—is—the —matter ? " they bawled in his ear, as if that would do any good. "
" BiU-ul-a-bul-ul-ul ! said he, still pointing upwards.
244 HINDOO APOLOGUES.
"The man is bewitched ! " cried one ; "there must be a ghost in the tree ! "
Just then the barber's wife began flapping her veil and howl ing ; whereupon, without waiting to look, the thieves in a ter rible fright set off at a run, dragging their leader with them ; and the barber's wife, coming down from the tree, put her bed on her head, and walked quietly home.
After this, the thieves came to the conclusion that it was no use trying to gain their point by force, so they went to law to claim their share. But the barber's wife pleaded her own cause so well, bringing out the nose and tongue tips as witnesses, that the King made the barber his Wazir, saying, " He will never do a foolish thing as long as his wife is alive ! "
The King who was Fried.
Once upon a time, a very long time ago indeed, there lived a King who had made a vow never to eat bread or break his fast until he had given away a hundredweight of gold in charity.
— So every day, before King Karan — for that was his name
had his breakfast, the palace servants would come out with baskets and baskets of gold pieces to scatter amongst the crowds of poor folk, who, you may be sure, never forgot to be there to receive the alms. How they used to hustle and bustle and struggle and scramble ! Then, when the last golden piece had been fought for, King Karan would sit down to his breakfast, and enjoy it as a man who has kept his word should do.
Now, when people saw the King lavishing his gold in this fashion, they naturally thought that sooner or later the royal treasuries must give out, the gold come to an end, and the King — who was evidently a man of his word — die of starvation. But, though months and years passed by, every day, just a quarter of an hour before breakfast time, the servants came out of the palace with baskets and baskets of gold ; and as the crowds dispersed they could see the King sitting down to his
breakfast in the royal banqueting hall, as jolly and fat and hungry as could be.
Now, of course, there was some secret in all this, and this secret I shall now tell you. King Karan had made a compact with a holy and very hungry old faqir, who lived at the top of the hill ; and the compact was this : On condition of King Karan
HINDOO APOLOGUES. 245
allowing himself to be fried and eaten for breakfast every day, the faqir gave him a hundredweight of pure gold.
Of course, had the faqir been an ordinary sort of person, the compact would not have lasted long, for once King Karan had been fried and eaten, there would have been an end of the mat ter. But the faqir was a very remarkable faqir indeed ; and when he had eaten the King, and picked the bones quite clean, he just put them together, said a charm or two, and, hey presto ! there was King Karan as fat and jolly as ever, ready for the next morning's breakfast. In fact, the faqir made no bones at all over the affair, which, it must be confessed, was very con venient both for the breakfast and the breakfast eater. Never theless, it was, of course, not pleasant to be popped alive every morning into a great frying pan of boiling oil ; and for my part, I think King Karan earned his hundredweight of gold handsomely. But after a time he got accustomed to the pro cess, and would go up quite cheerfully to the holy and hungry one's house, where the biggest frying pan was spitting and sputtering over the sacred fire. Then he would just pass the time of day to the faqir, to make sure he was punctual, and step gracefully into his hot oil bath. My goodness! how he sizzled and fizzled !
