As if I had never run into
stronger
boys who beat me up!
Musil - Man Without Qualities - v2
If it was established that she, even if at first only in some mysterious fashion in her mind, was continually meeting murderers, then she was attracting these murderers.
But is like being attracted by like?
That meant that she bore within herself the soul of a murderer.
One can imagine what it means when such extraordinary thoughts sud- denly find solid ground beneath their feet!
Meingast had run away from her; she was apparently too strong for him.
It was like lightning bolts striking each other!
Walter was attracted by her to murder his talent again and again in her, no matter how much she pushed him away.
She carried a black medallion at the crease ofher hip, and the insane divined it: perhaps such people can see through clothes and came toward her rejoicing.
In a confusing way, all the facts fit.
Laughter and difficulties struggled around Clarisse's mouth; it alter- nately opened and clamped tight. She had got up too early; Walter was still sleeping; she had hastily thrown on a light dress and gone outside. The singing of birds reached her from the woods through the empty morning stillness. The hemisphere of the sky had not yet filled with warmth. Even the light was still shallowly dispersed. - I t only reaches as far as my ankles-Clarisse thought-the faucet of the morning has just been opened. Everything was before its time. Clarisse was deeply moved that she was wandering through the world before its time. It al- most made her cry. She fervently regretted that during her visit to the madhouse she had seen through Moosbrugger's situation too late. What she had seen being played out before her was worthless devils gambling for a soul. She heard herself being called to tum back there once more, but Dr. Friedenthal blocked her path. She felt quite ashamed, and went on like that for a ways. But at some point a thought took shape that re- leased her from this depression: Many great men had been in insane asylums. And they had been derided by those who had remained in pos- session of their reason. They had now become incapable of explaining themselves to those for whom earlier they had had only contempt. She remembered the muteness ofthe late Nietzsche, whom she worshiped. And what had vexed her just now because she had not seen through it in
From the Posthumous Papers · 1603
time, how the three devils had intentionally brought her before Moos- brugger in so miserably casual a fashion in order to get the better of her through cunning and paralyze her, indeed that she had really shown her- self to be stupid and weak, now slowly made her understand as a sign that the fate of the great man among the repulsive jailers of the world would be laid upon her too. Her heart was filled by a drifting rain oflight and tears. It was uncanny, putting oneself on an equal footing with the insane; but being on the same footing with the uncanny is to cast one's lot for genius! She decided to free Moosbrugger from his jailers. Thoughts regarding how she might do this flitted around in her mind. The swallows had meanwhile begun to flit through the air. In some way it would have to work. Clarisse was so absorbed in these thoughts that she felt the depths like the narrow incline of an abyss. She had to draw in her shoulders and could only cautiously venture a smile. It occurred to her that this would be the "depth of antimoral inclination" that Nietz- sche demanded of his disciples. She was astonished at this, for she had not expected that it was possible to experience it so palpably. It was a path through a "landscape of countermorality. "
The landscape of countermorality lies deep beneath that of ordinary life, not deep in yards but many octaves deeper. That is how it seemed to her. Everything great lives in the landscape of countermorality (there). It goes the same ways others go, but without touching them. Against that Clarisse said to herself half aloud: - I am following in Nietzsche's foot- steps. She could also imagine that Moosbrugger had taken Nietzsche's sorrow upon himself and was Nietzsche in the shape of a sinner. But that was not her object at the moment. Now she had to take "the sorrow" upon herself: this is what preoccupied her. She felt it hovering, other- worldly, in the vacancy of the morning. She was carrying something that towered up hugely from her shoulders. But then she thought something over and went home.
When she got there, Walter was not yet up, although he ought to have been on his way to the office already. He slept so badly that he could not get up on time in the morning. Dreams tortured him, leaving behind when he woke up, although he could not remem~r them, a feeling of being inwardly wiped out. Walter felt like a piece o£ paper that has been rolled up by an unpleasant warmth, and so dried out that it cracks at the slightest touch. That was the effect of Clarisse, who slept beside him, dressed and undressed beside him, but hardly permitted him to kiss her. His blood stagnated and became restless. It was dammed up like a crowd of people that is stopped at its head, while behind, where people
1604 • THE MAN WITH0 UT QUALITIES
no longer see the cause, they begin to push forward until they're out of control. Walter pulled himselftogether; he did not want to hurt Clarisse, he understood her, she moved him with her childish resolve, there was nobility in her agonized exaggerating. But perhaps, too, that nervous ex- altation which stigmatized everything she did. It seemed to Walter that it was his duty to clear away the·obstacles she erected, even with force, if need be. It would be necessazy to go through such brutality in order to restore normal intellectual opposition, if opposition there had to be. He felt it in himself; both their minds needed a surgeon: a mental growth had proliferated wildly and needed to be cut out. But he was convinced that a sorrow such as had been laid upon them would not be any less deep or strange than Tristan and Isolde's.
Only his most extreme personal need had prompted him, a few days before, to seek a consultation with Clarisse's brother Siegfried. - Y o u know Clarisse---he had said-that is, of course you don't know her, but you know a lot about her, and perhaps you can just this once, as a doctor, also give some advice. Siegfried gave this advice. It was remarkable how much patronizing he accepted from Walter. Life is full of such relation- ships, where one person humiliates and brushes aside another, who of- fers no resistance. Perhaps only healthy life. The world would probably already have perished at the time of the great migrations if people had all defended themselves to the last drop of blood; instead of which the weaker gave in and moved on, preferring to seek other neighbors, whom they in turn could brush aside. This is the model on which human rela- tionships are still carried on, and with time everything works out by it- self. In the circle where Walter was thought to be a genius who had not yet found his definitive expression, Siegfried was considered a lout and a blockhead. He had accepted that, never argued against it, and even today, ifit should come to an intellectual collision with Walter, Siegfried would be the one to yield and pay homage. But for years he had as good as never been in this situation, for they had grown apart, and the old relations had become quite insignificant in comparison with new ones. Siegfried not only had his practice as a doctor-and the doctor rules dif- ferently from the bureaucrat, through his own intellectual power and not that of others, and comes to people who are waiting for his help and accept it obediently-but he also possessed a wife with means, who within a short time had been required to present him with three chil- dren and whom he cheated on with other women, if not often at least now and then, when he felt like it. Siegfried was quite logically also in a situation where he could give Walter the advice he demanded. -Cla- risse---he diagnosed-is excessively nervous. It was always her way to charge through walls, and now her head has got stuck in a wall. You have
From the Posthumous Papers · z6os
to give a good tug, even if she resists. It is against her own advantage if you let her get away with too much. Neurotic people demand a certain sbictness. Walter had answered that doctors understand absolutely nothing about spiritual processes, but meanwhile he managed to put Siegfried's advice in a form that was personally agreeable to him: that two people had to suffer in order to accomplish their burdensome des- tiny of loving each other. As far as the situation itself was concerned, this amounted to the same thing. And he said to Clarisse: -Please, Clarisse, be reasonable!
Clarisse had just got home, had called out: You layabout! to Walter, filled the bath with cold water, and slipped out of her thin dress, when she felt Walter behind her. He was standing there the way he had got out of bed, in a long nightshirt that fell down to his bare feet, and had warm cheeks like a girl's, while Clarisse, in her brief panties and with her skinny arms, looked like a boy. She put her hand on his chest and shoved him back. But Walter reached out for her. With one hand he seized her arm, and with the other sought to grasp her by the crotch and pull her to him. Clarisse tore at the embrace, and when that didn't help shoved her free hand into Walter's face, into his nose and mouth. His face turned red and the blood trembled in his eyes while he struggled with Clarisse. He did not want to let her see that she was hurting him, but when he was in danger of suffocating he had to strike her hand from his face. Quick as lightning, she went at it again, and this time her nails tore two bleeding furrows in his skin. Clarisse was free. Just then Walter again snatched at her, this time with all his strength. He had become angry, and feared nothing in the whole world so much as becoming rational again. Clarisse struck at him. She had lost her shoe and kicked at him. She understood that this time it was for real. Walter was gasping out meaningless sen- tences. The voices of loneliness, as if a robber had jumped on them. She felt she had the strength of giants. Her clothing tore; Walter seized the shreds; she reached for his neck. She would have liked to kill him. She did not know what she was doing. Naked, slippery, she struggled like a wriggling fish in his arms. She bit Walter, whose strength was not suffi- cient to overpower her calmly; he swung her this way and that, and pain- fully sought to block her attacks. Clarisse got tired. Her muscles became numb and slack. There were pauses where she was pressed by Walter's weight against the wall or the floor and could no longer defend herself. Then again there would come a series of defensive movements and ruth- less attacks against sensitive parts ofthe body and face. Then suffocation again, powerlessness, and the heart's beating. Walter was intermittently ashamed. The pain hit him like a ray of light: Reasonable people don't act this way! He thought that Clarisse looked as ugly as a madwoman.
1606 · THE MAN WITHOUT QUALITIES
But it had taken so much to get himself this far that the acting man ran on by himself, paying no attention to the feeling man. Clarisse, too, no longer had the feeling that she was being raped by Walter; she had only the feeling that she was not able to insist on her will, and when she was forced to yield she uttered a long, shrill, wild cry, like a locomotive. She herself found this inspiration quite strange. Perhaps her will was escap- ing in this cry, now that it was of no more use to her. Walter was scared. And while she had to endure his will she had the consolation: Just wait, I'll get my revenge!
The moment this repulsive scene was over, shame crashed down on Walter. Clarisse sat in a comer, naked as she was, with a thunderous face and made no response to his pleas for forgiveness. He had to get dressed; blood and tears flowed through his shaving foam. He had to leave in a hurry. He felt that he could not leave the beloved of all the days since his youth in this condition. He sought to at least move her to get dressed. Clarisse countered that she could just as well remain sitting this way until Judgment Day. In his despair and helplessness, his whole life as a man shrank back; he threw himself on his knees and with hands raised begged her to forgive him, as he had once prayed against blows; he could not think of anything else to do.
-I'll tell Ulrich everything! Clarisse said, slightly reconciled.
Walter begged her to forget it. There was something in his lack of dignity that called for reconciliation: he loved Clarisse; the shame was like a wound from which real, warm blood was flowing. But Clarisse did not forgive him. She could forgive him as little as an emperor who bears the responsibility for a kingdom can forgive; such people are something other than private individuals. She made him swear never to touch her again before she gave him permission. Walter was expected at a meet- ing; he gave his oath quickly, with the clock in his heart. Then Clarisse gave him the additional task of sending Ulrich over; she agreed to keep silent, but she needed the calming presence of a person she could trust.
During a break at work Walter took a taxi to Ulrich's, to get there as quickly as possible.
Ulrich was at home. His life wearied him. He did not know where Agathe was. Since she had separated herself from him he had had no news of her; he was tortured by worries about what might be happening to her. Everything reminded him of her. How short a time ago he had
From the Posthumous Papers · 1607
restrained her from a rash decision. Yet he did not believe she would do it without speaking to him once more.
Perhaps for that very reason: for the intoxication-a real intoxication, an enchantment! -was over. The experiment they had undertaken to shape their relationship had failed irrevocably. Vast regions of emotions and fancies that had endowed many things with a perennial splendor of unknown origin, like an opalizing sky, were now desolate. Ulrich's mind had dried out like soil beneath which the layers that conduct the mois- ture that nourishes all green things had disappeared. If what he had been forced to wish for was folly-and the exhaustion with which he thought of it admitted of no doubts about that! -then what had been best in his life had always been folly: the shimmer of thinking, the breath of presumption, those tender messengers of a better home that flutter among the things of the world. Nothing remained but to become reason- able; he had to do violence to his nature and apparently submit it to a school that was not only hard but also by definition boring. He did not want to think himself born to be an idler, but would now be one if he did not soon begin to make order out of the consequences of this failure. But when he checked them over, his whole being rebelled against them, and when his being rebelled against them, he longed for Agathe; that hap- pened without exuberance, but still as one yearns for a fellow sufferer when he is the only one with whom one can be intimate.
With distracted politeness, Walter inquired about Ulrich's absence; Ulrich waited with embarrassment for him to ask about Agathe, but for- tunately Walter forgot to. He had recently come to realize that it is in- sanity to doubt the love of a woman whom one loves oneself, he began. Even if one should be disappointed, it was only a matter of letting one- self be disappointed fruitfully, in such a way that the inner lives of all concerned be raised a degree. All feelings that are only negative are un- fruitful; on the other hand, there was nothing in which one could not find a core of fruitfulness if one peeled off the layers of world commu- nity. For instance: He had often committed the wrong of being jealous of Ulrich.
-W ere you really jealous of me? Ulrich asked.
-Yes, Walter confessed, and for an instant, in an unconsciously sig- nificant but ridiculously chilling fashion, he bared two teeth. -Of course I never thought of it in any other way than intellectually. Clarisse feels a certain sensual kinship with your body. You understand: it's not that your body attracts her body, or your mind her mind, but your body attracts her mind; you'll have to admit that's not so simple, and that it wasn't always easy for me to behave properly toward you.
1608 · THE MAN WITH0UT QUALITIES
-And Meingast?
-Meingast has left-Walter began by saying-but that was different. I admire Meingast myself. Nobody today can compare with him, all in all. There's no way I could forbid Clarisse to love him.
-Y es, you could. First you would have to tell her that Meingast is a woolgatherer-
- C u t it out! Today I need your friendship, not a quarrel!
-Then you could always say to Clarisse that it's not the mission of a great man to draw the nails out of every marriage like a giant magnet; therefore, on the side of the marriage, there has to be something that can't be changed by the superiority of this third person. You're conserva- tive, you'll no doubt be able to work that out. Moreover, it's an absorbing question. Just consider: Today every writer, musician, philosopher, leader, and boss finds people who think he's the greatest thing on earth. The natural consequence, especially for women who are more easily moved, would be that they flock to him as a whole person. Their own personal, bodily philosopher or writer! These words have a right to be taken literally; for where else should one wish to go with soul and body if not to this ultimate refuge? But it's just as certain that this doesn't hap- pen. Today only hysterical women run after great minds. And why?
Walter answered reluctantly. -Y ou said yourself that there are other reasons for living together. Children, the need for a solid place; and then there's a suitability of two people for each other that's greater than the meeting of their minds!
-Those are just excuses! The agreement you're talking about is noth- ing more than trusting opinions even less than a life of habit that has turned out to be not entirely unbearable. It's just lucky that one doesn't quite trust the person one admires. The confusion through which one is always robbed of vitality by the other has obviously become a means of preserving life. The inclination for each other holds together through a delicate remnant of disinclination against the third person. And alto- gether, of course, it's nothing but the soul of the pharisee, which, once it's got inside a body, imagines that every other body has secret defects!
- I started out by saying-Walter exclaimed indignantly-that ifCla- risse really loved Meingast I could not forbid it.
- T h e n why don't you permit her to love me? Ulrich asked, laughing. -Because you don't like me. And you don't like me because when we were children I beat you up a couple of times.
As if I had never run into stronger boys who beat me up! That's so absurd, so narrow-minded and petty. I'm not reproaching you; we all have this weakness of not being able to shake off such things, indeed that such idiotic chance happenings actually form the inner building blocks of our personalities, while our
From the Posthumous Papers · 16og
knowledge is no more than the breeze that blows around them. Who's stronger, then: you or I? Engineer Short or Art Historian Long? A mas- ter wrestler or a sprinter? I think that (the individual) this business has lost a lot of its meaning today. None of us are isolated or individual. To speak in your language: We're instrumentalists who have come together in expectation of playing a marvelous piece, the score for which has not yet been located. So what would happen if Clarisse were to fall in love with me? The idea that one can love only one other person is nothing but a legal (civil law) prejudice that has totally overrun us. She would love you, too, and in those circumstances precisely in the way that suits you best, because she would be free of the gnawing anger that you don't have certain qualities which she also considers important. The only con- dition would be that you would really have to behave toward me as a friend; that doesn't mean you have to understand me, for I don't under- stand the cells in my brain either, although something far more intimate exists between us than understanding! . . . And you could contradict me with all your emotions and thoughts, but only in a certain way: for there are contradictions that are continuations, for example those within our- selves; we love ourselves along with them.
This seemed to Walter like a bucket being emptied down a flight of steps. What Ulrich said spread out and at some point had to stop; he, meanwhile, paced back and forth in the room but couldn't wait for that to happen. He stopped and said: - I must interrupt you. I don't want to either contradict you or agree with you. I have no idea why you're saying these things; it seems to me that you're talking into the air. Both of us are some thirty years old, everything isn't hovering in the air the way it was when we were nineteen, one is something, one has something, and ev- erything you're saying is infinitely humdrum. But what's horrible is that I've had to promise Clarisse to send you out to see her today. Promise me that you'll speak less unreasonably with her than with me!
- B u t for that I'd have to first promise that I'll go. Today I don't have the slightest desire to! Excuse me, I don't feel well either.
-But you must say yes! It doesn't matter to you, you can put up with it; but for days Clarisse has been in an alarming state. And on top of that I've let myself be guilty of a great mistake, repulsive, I assure you; one is sometimes like an animal. I'm worried about her! For a moment the memory overwhelmed him. He had tears in his eyes and looked at Ul- rich angrily through the tears. Ulrich placated him and promised to go.
-G o right now, Walter begged. - I had to leave her all upset. And he hurriedly told Ulrich that Meingast's unexpected departure, which had strangely affected him too, had obviously shaken Clarisse, because since then she was strikingly changed. -You know what she's like-Walter
1610 • THE MAN WITHOUT QUALITIES
said, a veil of tears again and again running over his eyes-her whole nature keeps her from allowing something she doesn't think right to pre- vail; letting things happen, which our whole civilization is full of, is for her a cardinal sin! He reported the incident with the newspaper, which he himself suddenly saw in a new light. Then he added softly that after Meingast's departure, Clarisse had confessed to him that while he had been there she had often suffered from obsessive ideas, which all added up to her regarding the entire peculiar progression to greatness that Meingast had gone through, since he had left them long ago as an ordi- nary young Lothario, as having their basis in his taking upon himself the sins ofall the people with whom he came into contact and, it turned out, also the sins of Clarisse and Walter himself.
Ulrich must have looked involuntarily at his childhood friend in in- quiry, for Walter instantaneously added a defense. -That only sounds unsettling, he asserted, but it hasn't by any means gone too far. Every- one rises by taking on other people's mistakes and improving them in himself. It was only that Clarisse had an unusually vehement intensity when such problems suddenly got hold of her, and a way of expressing t h e m w i t h o u t m a k i n g a n y c o n c e s s i o n s . - B u t i f y o u k n e w h e r as w e l l as I do, you would find that behind everything that seems strange in her there is an incomparable feeling for the deepest questions of life! Love made him blind, while it made Clarisse transparent for him, all the way to the bottom, where one's thoughts lie, while all distinctions between bright and stupid, healthy and sick minds take place in the shallower layers of what one says and does.
After the scene with her husband, Clarisse had washed her whole body and run out of the house. The blue line of the edge of the woods attracted her; she wanted to crawl in. And while she was running, the sparkling, shining, drop-spraying of the white water was around her, like a hedgehog with outward-pointing needles. She was pursued by an obsessively irritating need for cleanliness. But when she had reached the woods, she plopped down between the first tree trunks behind the bushes at the edge. From there she looked straight into the small, dark, nostril-like open windows of her house, and this already made her feel much better. The smell of herbs burned in the morning sun; growths tickled her; she was comforted by nature's sticking, hard, hot inconsider- ateness. She felt removed from the restrictiveness of her personal
From the Posthumous Papers · I 6 I I
bonds. She could think. It had become obvious that Walter was being destroyed by the attraction she radiated; he hardly needed to sink much further than he had today. So it was up to her to make the sacrifice! (Clarisse got up and walked deeper into the woods. ) What was it, this sacrifice? Such words pop up like a poem (but she wished to conceal herself with this word, in order to get behind it). The word "sacrifice" followed (first) the same way it followed that she bore within herself the soul ofa murderer, and, especially after the scene with her husband, she had to assume that she also concealed in herself the soul of a satyr, a he-goat. Uke is, after all, only attracted by like. But whoever sees must sacrifice himself: that is the merciless law by which greatness lives. Cla- risse began to understand; but at the same time that she realized that she bore within herself the soul of a he-goat, the fright that had rolled into her like a block of ice began to melt, and the excitement caused by the body and inhibited by the soul thawed out in her limbs. It was a marvel- ous condition. The contact with the bushes pressed deep into her nerves through her skin; the swelling of the moss under her soles, the twittering of the birds, became sensual and covered the interior of the world with something like the flesh ofa fruit. -Y ou will all deny me when you rec- ognize me! Clarisse thought. As soon as that was thought, it also came to her that Walter would really have to learn to deny her, for that was the only way he could be freed from her. At this thought she was overcome by an immense sadness. -Everyone will deny me, she said once again. - A n d only when you have all denied me will you be grown up. Only when you have all grown up will I return to you! she added. That was like the beginnings ofsplendid poems, whose second lines were already lost in an excess of excitement and beauty. Golgotha Song, she called it. A tension as ifshe would have to break out in a stream oftears at any mo- ment accompanied this incredible achievement. What she admired most deeply was the incredible compulsion in this storm of freedom. - I f I were only a little superstitious and not so hardy- she thought-I would really have to be afraid ofmyself! Her thoughts went now one way-as if she were only an instrument on which a strange and higher being were playing, her beautiful idol that gave her answers before she had managed to ask the questions, and built up ideas that came to her like the outlines of whole cities, so that she stopped in astonishment-and now another way, so that Clarisse herself seemed quite empty, a feath- ery light something that had to restrain its steps with effort, for every- thing upon which her eye fell, or every recollection the ray of memory illuminated, led her hurriedly forward and handed her on to the next thing and the next idea, so that Clarisse's thoughts seemed at times to be
1612 • THE MAN WITHOUT QUALITIES
running alongside her, and a wild race with her body began, until the young woman in her mental alienation was forced to stop and, ex- hausted, throw herself into some beny bushes.
She had found a clearing into which the sun shone, and while she felt the warm earth on which she lay, she stretched herself out as if on a cross, and the nails of the sun's rays penetrated her upward-turned hands.
She had left a note for Ulrich in the house, which said nothing but that she was waiting for him in the woods.
After the conversation with Walter, Ulrich had set out and had indeed found the note. He automatically assumed that Clarisse was hiding somewhere and would make her presence known when he entered the woods. Oppressed by the hot morning, he set out (listlessly) on the path that they were accustomed to taking when they went to the woods, and when he did not find Clarisse, he pushed on at random farther into the forest. From everything Walter had said, what most stuck in his mind was the news that Clarisse was preoccupied with Moosbrugger. As far as he was concerned, Moosbrugger could have been long dead and hanged, for he had not thought about him for weeks, which was quite remarkable when he thought that not all that long ago the image of this crude figure of fantasy had been one of the focal points in his life. - O n e truly feels, as a so-called normal person-he told himself-just as inco- herent as someone who is insane. The heat relaxed his collar and the pores of his face, and slowly entered and emerged from his softened skin. Meeting Clarisse aroused no particularly pleasant expectations. What could he say to her? She had always been what one calls crazy without meaning it seriously; if she were now really to become so, she might perhaps be ugly and repellent, that would be simplest; but what if she was not repellent to him? No; Ulrich assumed that she would have to be. The deranged mind is ugly. In this way he suddenly almost tripped over her, for they both had spontaneously followed the direction of a broad path that was the continuation of the one that had led them to the woods. Clarisse, a patch of color among the colorful weeds and con- cealed from his glance, had seen him coming. She had quickly crawled out into his path and lay there. The many unconscious, manly, and reso- lute shifts in his face, which believed itself unobserved and was living in no more than vegetative rapport with the obstacles through which it was coming toward her, gave her a marvelous sensation. Ulrich only stopped, surprised, when he discovered her lying almost directly beneath him, her smiling glance lifted up to him. She was not in the least ugly.
-W e have to free Moosbrugger, Clarisse declared, after Ulrich had asked her to explain the sudden inspirations he had heard about. -If
From the Posthumous Papers · 1613
there's no other way, we have to help him escape! Of course I know you'll help me!
Ulrich shook his head.
-Then come! Clarisse said. -Let's go deeper into the woods, where we'll be alone. She had jumped up. The senselessly raging will that ema- nated from this small being was like clouds of unfamiliar insects buzzing and swarming among blackberry shoots exhaling their odors in the sun, inhuman but pleasant. -But you're all hot! Clarisse exclaimed. -You'll catch cold among the trees! She took a kerchieffrom her warm body and swiftly threw it over his head; then she climbed up him, disappearing likewise under the kerchief, and, before he could throw her off, kissed him like a high-spirited little girl. Clarisse stumbled, and fell to a sitting position. - I haven't forgiven you-Ulrich threatened grumblingly- that during the time you were in love with this muddlehead Meingast I simply didn't exist for youi-Oh? Clarisse answered. -Y ou don't un- derstand. Meingast is homosexual. So you didn't understand me at all!
-But what's this chatter about redeeming all about? Ulrich asked severely. -That only blossomed because ofhim, didn't it?
- O h , I'll explain that to you. Come! Clarisse assured him.
Ulrich started with what Walter had already told him.
-All right. But that's not the main point. The main point is the bear. -The bear?
-Yes; the pointed muzzle with the teeth that tear everything to
pieces. I arouse the bear in all of you! Clarisse showed with a gesture what she meant, and smiled innocently. - B u t , Clarisse! - O f course! Clarisse said. -Y ou deny me when I'm being honest! But even Walter believes that every person has an animal in him whom he resembles. From which he has to be redeemed. Nietzsche had his eagle, Walter and Moosbrugger have the bear.
- A n d I ? Ulrich asked, curious.
- I don't know yet.
- A n d you?
- I ' m a he-goat with eagle's wings.
So they wandered through the woods, eating berries now and then,
heat and hunger making them as dry as violin wood. Sometimes Clarisse broke off a small dry twig and handed it to Ulrich; he didn't know whether to throw it away or keep it in his hand; as with children, when they do such things, there was something else behind it, for which there was no articulated notion. Now Clarisse stopped in the wilderness, and the light in her eyes shone. She declared: -Moosbrugger has commit- ted a sexual murder, hasn't he? What's that? Desire separated in him from what's human! But isn't that the same in Walter too? And in you?
1614 · THE MAN WITHOUT QUALITIES
Moosbrugger has had to pay for it. Isn't one obliged to help him? What do you say to that? From the foot of the trees came the smell of dark- ness, mushrooms, and decay, from above of sunlit fir twigs.
-W ill you do that for me? Clarisse asked.
Ulrich again said no, and asked Clarisse to come back to the house. She meandered along beside him and let her head droop. They had
gone quite far from the path. -W e're hungry, Clarisse said, and pulled out a piece of old bread she was carrying in her pocket. She gave Ulrich some of it too. It produced a remarkably pleasant-unpleasant feeling, which quieted hunger and tortured thirst. -The mills of time grind dryly---Clarisse poetized-you feel grain after grain falling.
And it occurred to Ulrich without thinking about it much that among these totally meaningless annoyances he felt better than he had in a long time.
Clarisse set about once more to win him over. She would do it herself. She had a plan. She only needed a little money. And he would have to speak to Moosbrugger in her stead, because she wasn't allowed in the clinic anymore.
Ulrich promised. This derring-do fantasy filled up the time. He guarded himself against all consequences. Clarisse laughed.
As they were on the way home, chance had it that they caught up with a man leading a tame bear. Ulrich joked about it, but Clarisse grew seri- ous and seemed to seek protection in the closeness of his body, and her face became deeply absorbed. As they passed the man and the bear, she suddenly called out: -I'll tame every bear! It sounded like an awkward joke. But she suddenly reached for the bear's muzzle, and Ulrich had difficulty pulling her back quickly enough from the startled, growling beast.
The next time, Ulrich met Clarisse at the painter's studio offriends of hers, where a circle of people had gathered and was making music. Cla- risse did not stand out in these surroundings; the role ofodd man out fell to Ulrich instead. He had come reluctantly and felt repugnance among these people, who, contorted, were listening ecstatically. The transitions from charming, gentle, and soft to gloomy, heroic, and tumultuous, which the music went through several times within the space of a quar- ter hour, musicians don't notice, because for them this progression is synonymous with music and therefore with something of the highest dis- tinctionl-but to Ulrich, who at the moment was not at all under the
From the Posthu11WUs Papers · 1 615
sway of the prejudice that music was something that had to be, this music seemed as badly motivated and unmediated in its progression as the carryings-on of a company of drunks that alternates periodically be- tween sentimentality and fistfights. He had no intention of imagining what the soul of a great musician might be like and passing judgment on it, but what was usually considered great music seemed to him much like a chest with a beautifully carved exterior and full of the contents of the soul, from which one has pulled out all the drawers, so that the contents lie all jumbled together inside. He usually could not understand music as an amalgam of soul and form, because he saw too clearly that the soul of music, aside from rarely encountered pure music, is nothing but the conventional soul of Jack and Jill whipped to a frenzy.
He was, notwithstanding, supporting his head in both hands like the others; he just did not know whether it was because he was thinking of Walter or closing his ears a little. In truth, he was neither keeping his ears entirely closed nor thinking of Walter. He merely wanted to be alone. He did not often reflect about other people; apparently because he also rarely thought about himself as "a person. " He usually acted on the opinion that what one thinks, feels, wants, imagines, and creates could, in certain circumstances, signify an enrichment of life; but what one is signifies under no circumstances more than a by-product of the process of this production. Musical people, on the other hand, are quite often of the opposite opinion. They do produce something, to which they apply the impersonal name of music, but what they produce con- sists for the most part, or at least for the part that is most important to them, of themselves, their sensations, emotions, and their shared experi- ence. There is more momentary being and less lasting duration in their music, which among all intellectual activities is closest to that of the actor. This intensification, which he was being forced to witness, aroused Ulrich's antipathy; he sat among these people like an owl among songbirds.
And of course Walter was his exact opposite. Walter thought passion- ately and a great deal about himself. He took everything he encountered seriously. Because he encountered it; as if that were a merit that can make one thing into another.
Laughter and difficulties struggled around Clarisse's mouth; it alter- nately opened and clamped tight. She had got up too early; Walter was still sleeping; she had hastily thrown on a light dress and gone outside. The singing of birds reached her from the woods through the empty morning stillness. The hemisphere of the sky had not yet filled with warmth. Even the light was still shallowly dispersed. - I t only reaches as far as my ankles-Clarisse thought-the faucet of the morning has just been opened. Everything was before its time. Clarisse was deeply moved that she was wandering through the world before its time. It al- most made her cry. She fervently regretted that during her visit to the madhouse she had seen through Moosbrugger's situation too late. What she had seen being played out before her was worthless devils gambling for a soul. She heard herself being called to tum back there once more, but Dr. Friedenthal blocked her path. She felt quite ashamed, and went on like that for a ways. But at some point a thought took shape that re- leased her from this depression: Many great men had been in insane asylums. And they had been derided by those who had remained in pos- session of their reason. They had now become incapable of explaining themselves to those for whom earlier they had had only contempt. She remembered the muteness ofthe late Nietzsche, whom she worshiped. And what had vexed her just now because she had not seen through it in
From the Posthumous Papers · 1603
time, how the three devils had intentionally brought her before Moos- brugger in so miserably casual a fashion in order to get the better of her through cunning and paralyze her, indeed that she had really shown her- self to be stupid and weak, now slowly made her understand as a sign that the fate of the great man among the repulsive jailers of the world would be laid upon her too. Her heart was filled by a drifting rain oflight and tears. It was uncanny, putting oneself on an equal footing with the insane; but being on the same footing with the uncanny is to cast one's lot for genius! She decided to free Moosbrugger from his jailers. Thoughts regarding how she might do this flitted around in her mind. The swallows had meanwhile begun to flit through the air. In some way it would have to work. Clarisse was so absorbed in these thoughts that she felt the depths like the narrow incline of an abyss. She had to draw in her shoulders and could only cautiously venture a smile. It occurred to her that this would be the "depth of antimoral inclination" that Nietz- sche demanded of his disciples. She was astonished at this, for she had not expected that it was possible to experience it so palpably. It was a path through a "landscape of countermorality. "
The landscape of countermorality lies deep beneath that of ordinary life, not deep in yards but many octaves deeper. That is how it seemed to her. Everything great lives in the landscape of countermorality (there). It goes the same ways others go, but without touching them. Against that Clarisse said to herself half aloud: - I am following in Nietzsche's foot- steps. She could also imagine that Moosbrugger had taken Nietzsche's sorrow upon himself and was Nietzsche in the shape of a sinner. But that was not her object at the moment. Now she had to take "the sorrow" upon herself: this is what preoccupied her. She felt it hovering, other- worldly, in the vacancy of the morning. She was carrying something that towered up hugely from her shoulders. But then she thought something over and went home.
When she got there, Walter was not yet up, although he ought to have been on his way to the office already. He slept so badly that he could not get up on time in the morning. Dreams tortured him, leaving behind when he woke up, although he could not remem~r them, a feeling of being inwardly wiped out. Walter felt like a piece o£ paper that has been rolled up by an unpleasant warmth, and so dried out that it cracks at the slightest touch. That was the effect of Clarisse, who slept beside him, dressed and undressed beside him, but hardly permitted him to kiss her. His blood stagnated and became restless. It was dammed up like a crowd of people that is stopped at its head, while behind, where people
1604 • THE MAN WITH0 UT QUALITIES
no longer see the cause, they begin to push forward until they're out of control. Walter pulled himselftogether; he did not want to hurt Clarisse, he understood her, she moved him with her childish resolve, there was nobility in her agonized exaggerating. But perhaps, too, that nervous ex- altation which stigmatized everything she did. It seemed to Walter that it was his duty to clear away the·obstacles she erected, even with force, if need be. It would be necessazy to go through such brutality in order to restore normal intellectual opposition, if opposition there had to be. He felt it in himself; both their minds needed a surgeon: a mental growth had proliferated wildly and needed to be cut out. But he was convinced that a sorrow such as had been laid upon them would not be any less deep or strange than Tristan and Isolde's.
Only his most extreme personal need had prompted him, a few days before, to seek a consultation with Clarisse's brother Siegfried. - Y o u know Clarisse---he had said-that is, of course you don't know her, but you know a lot about her, and perhaps you can just this once, as a doctor, also give some advice. Siegfried gave this advice. It was remarkable how much patronizing he accepted from Walter. Life is full of such relation- ships, where one person humiliates and brushes aside another, who of- fers no resistance. Perhaps only healthy life. The world would probably already have perished at the time of the great migrations if people had all defended themselves to the last drop of blood; instead of which the weaker gave in and moved on, preferring to seek other neighbors, whom they in turn could brush aside. This is the model on which human rela- tionships are still carried on, and with time everything works out by it- self. In the circle where Walter was thought to be a genius who had not yet found his definitive expression, Siegfried was considered a lout and a blockhead. He had accepted that, never argued against it, and even today, ifit should come to an intellectual collision with Walter, Siegfried would be the one to yield and pay homage. But for years he had as good as never been in this situation, for they had grown apart, and the old relations had become quite insignificant in comparison with new ones. Siegfried not only had his practice as a doctor-and the doctor rules dif- ferently from the bureaucrat, through his own intellectual power and not that of others, and comes to people who are waiting for his help and accept it obediently-but he also possessed a wife with means, who within a short time had been required to present him with three chil- dren and whom he cheated on with other women, if not often at least now and then, when he felt like it. Siegfried was quite logically also in a situation where he could give Walter the advice he demanded. -Cla- risse---he diagnosed-is excessively nervous. It was always her way to charge through walls, and now her head has got stuck in a wall. You have
From the Posthumous Papers · z6os
to give a good tug, even if she resists. It is against her own advantage if you let her get away with too much. Neurotic people demand a certain sbictness. Walter had answered that doctors understand absolutely nothing about spiritual processes, but meanwhile he managed to put Siegfried's advice in a form that was personally agreeable to him: that two people had to suffer in order to accomplish their burdensome des- tiny of loving each other. As far as the situation itself was concerned, this amounted to the same thing. And he said to Clarisse: -Please, Clarisse, be reasonable!
Clarisse had just got home, had called out: You layabout! to Walter, filled the bath with cold water, and slipped out of her thin dress, when she felt Walter behind her. He was standing there the way he had got out of bed, in a long nightshirt that fell down to his bare feet, and had warm cheeks like a girl's, while Clarisse, in her brief panties and with her skinny arms, looked like a boy. She put her hand on his chest and shoved him back. But Walter reached out for her. With one hand he seized her arm, and with the other sought to grasp her by the crotch and pull her to him. Clarisse tore at the embrace, and when that didn't help shoved her free hand into Walter's face, into his nose and mouth. His face turned red and the blood trembled in his eyes while he struggled with Clarisse. He did not want to let her see that she was hurting him, but when he was in danger of suffocating he had to strike her hand from his face. Quick as lightning, she went at it again, and this time her nails tore two bleeding furrows in his skin. Clarisse was free. Just then Walter again snatched at her, this time with all his strength. He had become angry, and feared nothing in the whole world so much as becoming rational again. Clarisse struck at him. She had lost her shoe and kicked at him. She understood that this time it was for real. Walter was gasping out meaningless sen- tences. The voices of loneliness, as if a robber had jumped on them. She felt she had the strength of giants. Her clothing tore; Walter seized the shreds; she reached for his neck. She would have liked to kill him. She did not know what she was doing. Naked, slippery, she struggled like a wriggling fish in his arms. She bit Walter, whose strength was not suffi- cient to overpower her calmly; he swung her this way and that, and pain- fully sought to block her attacks. Clarisse got tired. Her muscles became numb and slack. There were pauses where she was pressed by Walter's weight against the wall or the floor and could no longer defend herself. Then again there would come a series of defensive movements and ruth- less attacks against sensitive parts ofthe body and face. Then suffocation again, powerlessness, and the heart's beating. Walter was intermittently ashamed. The pain hit him like a ray of light: Reasonable people don't act this way! He thought that Clarisse looked as ugly as a madwoman.
1606 · THE MAN WITHOUT QUALITIES
But it had taken so much to get himself this far that the acting man ran on by himself, paying no attention to the feeling man. Clarisse, too, no longer had the feeling that she was being raped by Walter; she had only the feeling that she was not able to insist on her will, and when she was forced to yield she uttered a long, shrill, wild cry, like a locomotive. She herself found this inspiration quite strange. Perhaps her will was escap- ing in this cry, now that it was of no more use to her. Walter was scared. And while she had to endure his will she had the consolation: Just wait, I'll get my revenge!
The moment this repulsive scene was over, shame crashed down on Walter. Clarisse sat in a comer, naked as she was, with a thunderous face and made no response to his pleas for forgiveness. He had to get dressed; blood and tears flowed through his shaving foam. He had to leave in a hurry. He felt that he could not leave the beloved of all the days since his youth in this condition. He sought to at least move her to get dressed. Clarisse countered that she could just as well remain sitting this way until Judgment Day. In his despair and helplessness, his whole life as a man shrank back; he threw himself on his knees and with hands raised begged her to forgive him, as he had once prayed against blows; he could not think of anything else to do.
-I'll tell Ulrich everything! Clarisse said, slightly reconciled.
Walter begged her to forget it. There was something in his lack of dignity that called for reconciliation: he loved Clarisse; the shame was like a wound from which real, warm blood was flowing. But Clarisse did not forgive him. She could forgive him as little as an emperor who bears the responsibility for a kingdom can forgive; such people are something other than private individuals. She made him swear never to touch her again before she gave him permission. Walter was expected at a meet- ing; he gave his oath quickly, with the clock in his heart. Then Clarisse gave him the additional task of sending Ulrich over; she agreed to keep silent, but she needed the calming presence of a person she could trust.
During a break at work Walter took a taxi to Ulrich's, to get there as quickly as possible.
Ulrich was at home. His life wearied him. He did not know where Agathe was. Since she had separated herself from him he had had no news of her; he was tortured by worries about what might be happening to her. Everything reminded him of her. How short a time ago he had
From the Posthumous Papers · 1607
restrained her from a rash decision. Yet he did not believe she would do it without speaking to him once more.
Perhaps for that very reason: for the intoxication-a real intoxication, an enchantment! -was over. The experiment they had undertaken to shape their relationship had failed irrevocably. Vast regions of emotions and fancies that had endowed many things with a perennial splendor of unknown origin, like an opalizing sky, were now desolate. Ulrich's mind had dried out like soil beneath which the layers that conduct the mois- ture that nourishes all green things had disappeared. If what he had been forced to wish for was folly-and the exhaustion with which he thought of it admitted of no doubts about that! -then what had been best in his life had always been folly: the shimmer of thinking, the breath of presumption, those tender messengers of a better home that flutter among the things of the world. Nothing remained but to become reason- able; he had to do violence to his nature and apparently submit it to a school that was not only hard but also by definition boring. He did not want to think himself born to be an idler, but would now be one if he did not soon begin to make order out of the consequences of this failure. But when he checked them over, his whole being rebelled against them, and when his being rebelled against them, he longed for Agathe; that hap- pened without exuberance, but still as one yearns for a fellow sufferer when he is the only one with whom one can be intimate.
With distracted politeness, Walter inquired about Ulrich's absence; Ulrich waited with embarrassment for him to ask about Agathe, but for- tunately Walter forgot to. He had recently come to realize that it is in- sanity to doubt the love of a woman whom one loves oneself, he began. Even if one should be disappointed, it was only a matter of letting one- self be disappointed fruitfully, in such a way that the inner lives of all concerned be raised a degree. All feelings that are only negative are un- fruitful; on the other hand, there was nothing in which one could not find a core of fruitfulness if one peeled off the layers of world commu- nity. For instance: He had often committed the wrong of being jealous of Ulrich.
-W ere you really jealous of me? Ulrich asked.
-Yes, Walter confessed, and for an instant, in an unconsciously sig- nificant but ridiculously chilling fashion, he bared two teeth. -Of course I never thought of it in any other way than intellectually. Clarisse feels a certain sensual kinship with your body. You understand: it's not that your body attracts her body, or your mind her mind, but your body attracts her mind; you'll have to admit that's not so simple, and that it wasn't always easy for me to behave properly toward you.
1608 · THE MAN WITH0UT QUALITIES
-And Meingast?
-Meingast has left-Walter began by saying-but that was different. I admire Meingast myself. Nobody today can compare with him, all in all. There's no way I could forbid Clarisse to love him.
-Y es, you could. First you would have to tell her that Meingast is a woolgatherer-
- C u t it out! Today I need your friendship, not a quarrel!
-Then you could always say to Clarisse that it's not the mission of a great man to draw the nails out of every marriage like a giant magnet; therefore, on the side of the marriage, there has to be something that can't be changed by the superiority of this third person. You're conserva- tive, you'll no doubt be able to work that out. Moreover, it's an absorbing question. Just consider: Today every writer, musician, philosopher, leader, and boss finds people who think he's the greatest thing on earth. The natural consequence, especially for women who are more easily moved, would be that they flock to him as a whole person. Their own personal, bodily philosopher or writer! These words have a right to be taken literally; for where else should one wish to go with soul and body if not to this ultimate refuge? But it's just as certain that this doesn't hap- pen. Today only hysterical women run after great minds. And why?
Walter answered reluctantly. -Y ou said yourself that there are other reasons for living together. Children, the need for a solid place; and then there's a suitability of two people for each other that's greater than the meeting of their minds!
-Those are just excuses! The agreement you're talking about is noth- ing more than trusting opinions even less than a life of habit that has turned out to be not entirely unbearable. It's just lucky that one doesn't quite trust the person one admires. The confusion through which one is always robbed of vitality by the other has obviously become a means of preserving life. The inclination for each other holds together through a delicate remnant of disinclination against the third person. And alto- gether, of course, it's nothing but the soul of the pharisee, which, once it's got inside a body, imagines that every other body has secret defects!
- I started out by saying-Walter exclaimed indignantly-that ifCla- risse really loved Meingast I could not forbid it.
- T h e n why don't you permit her to love me? Ulrich asked, laughing. -Because you don't like me. And you don't like me because when we were children I beat you up a couple of times.
As if I had never run into stronger boys who beat me up! That's so absurd, so narrow-minded and petty. I'm not reproaching you; we all have this weakness of not being able to shake off such things, indeed that such idiotic chance happenings actually form the inner building blocks of our personalities, while our
From the Posthumous Papers · 16og
knowledge is no more than the breeze that blows around them. Who's stronger, then: you or I? Engineer Short or Art Historian Long? A mas- ter wrestler or a sprinter? I think that (the individual) this business has lost a lot of its meaning today. None of us are isolated or individual. To speak in your language: We're instrumentalists who have come together in expectation of playing a marvelous piece, the score for which has not yet been located. So what would happen if Clarisse were to fall in love with me? The idea that one can love only one other person is nothing but a legal (civil law) prejudice that has totally overrun us. She would love you, too, and in those circumstances precisely in the way that suits you best, because she would be free of the gnawing anger that you don't have certain qualities which she also considers important. The only con- dition would be that you would really have to behave toward me as a friend; that doesn't mean you have to understand me, for I don't under- stand the cells in my brain either, although something far more intimate exists between us than understanding! . . . And you could contradict me with all your emotions and thoughts, but only in a certain way: for there are contradictions that are continuations, for example those within our- selves; we love ourselves along with them.
This seemed to Walter like a bucket being emptied down a flight of steps. What Ulrich said spread out and at some point had to stop; he, meanwhile, paced back and forth in the room but couldn't wait for that to happen. He stopped and said: - I must interrupt you. I don't want to either contradict you or agree with you. I have no idea why you're saying these things; it seems to me that you're talking into the air. Both of us are some thirty years old, everything isn't hovering in the air the way it was when we were nineteen, one is something, one has something, and ev- erything you're saying is infinitely humdrum. But what's horrible is that I've had to promise Clarisse to send you out to see her today. Promise me that you'll speak less unreasonably with her than with me!
- B u t for that I'd have to first promise that I'll go. Today I don't have the slightest desire to! Excuse me, I don't feel well either.
-But you must say yes! It doesn't matter to you, you can put up with it; but for days Clarisse has been in an alarming state. And on top of that I've let myself be guilty of a great mistake, repulsive, I assure you; one is sometimes like an animal. I'm worried about her! For a moment the memory overwhelmed him. He had tears in his eyes and looked at Ul- rich angrily through the tears. Ulrich placated him and promised to go.
-G o right now, Walter begged. - I had to leave her all upset. And he hurriedly told Ulrich that Meingast's unexpected departure, which had strangely affected him too, had obviously shaken Clarisse, because since then she was strikingly changed. -You know what she's like-Walter
1610 • THE MAN WITHOUT QUALITIES
said, a veil of tears again and again running over his eyes-her whole nature keeps her from allowing something she doesn't think right to pre- vail; letting things happen, which our whole civilization is full of, is for her a cardinal sin! He reported the incident with the newspaper, which he himself suddenly saw in a new light. Then he added softly that after Meingast's departure, Clarisse had confessed to him that while he had been there she had often suffered from obsessive ideas, which all added up to her regarding the entire peculiar progression to greatness that Meingast had gone through, since he had left them long ago as an ordi- nary young Lothario, as having their basis in his taking upon himself the sins ofall the people with whom he came into contact and, it turned out, also the sins of Clarisse and Walter himself.
Ulrich must have looked involuntarily at his childhood friend in in- quiry, for Walter instantaneously added a defense. -That only sounds unsettling, he asserted, but it hasn't by any means gone too far. Every- one rises by taking on other people's mistakes and improving them in himself. It was only that Clarisse had an unusually vehement intensity when such problems suddenly got hold of her, and a way of expressing t h e m w i t h o u t m a k i n g a n y c o n c e s s i o n s . - B u t i f y o u k n e w h e r as w e l l as I do, you would find that behind everything that seems strange in her there is an incomparable feeling for the deepest questions of life! Love made him blind, while it made Clarisse transparent for him, all the way to the bottom, where one's thoughts lie, while all distinctions between bright and stupid, healthy and sick minds take place in the shallower layers of what one says and does.
After the scene with her husband, Clarisse had washed her whole body and run out of the house. The blue line of the edge of the woods attracted her; she wanted to crawl in. And while she was running, the sparkling, shining, drop-spraying of the white water was around her, like a hedgehog with outward-pointing needles. She was pursued by an obsessively irritating need for cleanliness. But when she had reached the woods, she plopped down between the first tree trunks behind the bushes at the edge. From there she looked straight into the small, dark, nostril-like open windows of her house, and this already made her feel much better. The smell of herbs burned in the morning sun; growths tickled her; she was comforted by nature's sticking, hard, hot inconsider- ateness. She felt removed from the restrictiveness of her personal
From the Posthumous Papers · I 6 I I
bonds. She could think. It had become obvious that Walter was being destroyed by the attraction she radiated; he hardly needed to sink much further than he had today. So it was up to her to make the sacrifice! (Clarisse got up and walked deeper into the woods. ) What was it, this sacrifice? Such words pop up like a poem (but she wished to conceal herself with this word, in order to get behind it). The word "sacrifice" followed (first) the same way it followed that she bore within herself the soul ofa murderer, and, especially after the scene with her husband, she had to assume that she also concealed in herself the soul of a satyr, a he-goat. Uke is, after all, only attracted by like. But whoever sees must sacrifice himself: that is the merciless law by which greatness lives. Cla- risse began to understand; but at the same time that she realized that she bore within herself the soul of a he-goat, the fright that had rolled into her like a block of ice began to melt, and the excitement caused by the body and inhibited by the soul thawed out in her limbs. It was a marvel- ous condition. The contact with the bushes pressed deep into her nerves through her skin; the swelling of the moss under her soles, the twittering of the birds, became sensual and covered the interior of the world with something like the flesh ofa fruit. -Y ou will all deny me when you rec- ognize me! Clarisse thought. As soon as that was thought, it also came to her that Walter would really have to learn to deny her, for that was the only way he could be freed from her. At this thought she was overcome by an immense sadness. -Everyone will deny me, she said once again. - A n d only when you have all denied me will you be grown up. Only when you have all grown up will I return to you! she added. That was like the beginnings ofsplendid poems, whose second lines were already lost in an excess of excitement and beauty. Golgotha Song, she called it. A tension as ifshe would have to break out in a stream oftears at any mo- ment accompanied this incredible achievement. What she admired most deeply was the incredible compulsion in this storm of freedom. - I f I were only a little superstitious and not so hardy- she thought-I would really have to be afraid ofmyself! Her thoughts went now one way-as if she were only an instrument on which a strange and higher being were playing, her beautiful idol that gave her answers before she had managed to ask the questions, and built up ideas that came to her like the outlines of whole cities, so that she stopped in astonishment-and now another way, so that Clarisse herself seemed quite empty, a feath- ery light something that had to restrain its steps with effort, for every- thing upon which her eye fell, or every recollection the ray of memory illuminated, led her hurriedly forward and handed her on to the next thing and the next idea, so that Clarisse's thoughts seemed at times to be
1612 • THE MAN WITHOUT QUALITIES
running alongside her, and a wild race with her body began, until the young woman in her mental alienation was forced to stop and, ex- hausted, throw herself into some beny bushes.
She had found a clearing into which the sun shone, and while she felt the warm earth on which she lay, she stretched herself out as if on a cross, and the nails of the sun's rays penetrated her upward-turned hands.
She had left a note for Ulrich in the house, which said nothing but that she was waiting for him in the woods.
After the conversation with Walter, Ulrich had set out and had indeed found the note. He automatically assumed that Clarisse was hiding somewhere and would make her presence known when he entered the woods. Oppressed by the hot morning, he set out (listlessly) on the path that they were accustomed to taking when they went to the woods, and when he did not find Clarisse, he pushed on at random farther into the forest. From everything Walter had said, what most stuck in his mind was the news that Clarisse was preoccupied with Moosbrugger. As far as he was concerned, Moosbrugger could have been long dead and hanged, for he had not thought about him for weeks, which was quite remarkable when he thought that not all that long ago the image of this crude figure of fantasy had been one of the focal points in his life. - O n e truly feels, as a so-called normal person-he told himself-just as inco- herent as someone who is insane. The heat relaxed his collar and the pores of his face, and slowly entered and emerged from his softened skin. Meeting Clarisse aroused no particularly pleasant expectations. What could he say to her? She had always been what one calls crazy without meaning it seriously; if she were now really to become so, she might perhaps be ugly and repellent, that would be simplest; but what if she was not repellent to him? No; Ulrich assumed that she would have to be. The deranged mind is ugly. In this way he suddenly almost tripped over her, for they both had spontaneously followed the direction of a broad path that was the continuation of the one that had led them to the woods. Clarisse, a patch of color among the colorful weeds and con- cealed from his glance, had seen him coming. She had quickly crawled out into his path and lay there. The many unconscious, manly, and reso- lute shifts in his face, which believed itself unobserved and was living in no more than vegetative rapport with the obstacles through which it was coming toward her, gave her a marvelous sensation. Ulrich only stopped, surprised, when he discovered her lying almost directly beneath him, her smiling glance lifted up to him. She was not in the least ugly.
-W e have to free Moosbrugger, Clarisse declared, after Ulrich had asked her to explain the sudden inspirations he had heard about. -If
From the Posthumous Papers · 1613
there's no other way, we have to help him escape! Of course I know you'll help me!
Ulrich shook his head.
-Then come! Clarisse said. -Let's go deeper into the woods, where we'll be alone. She had jumped up. The senselessly raging will that ema- nated from this small being was like clouds of unfamiliar insects buzzing and swarming among blackberry shoots exhaling their odors in the sun, inhuman but pleasant. -But you're all hot! Clarisse exclaimed. -You'll catch cold among the trees! She took a kerchieffrom her warm body and swiftly threw it over his head; then she climbed up him, disappearing likewise under the kerchief, and, before he could throw her off, kissed him like a high-spirited little girl. Clarisse stumbled, and fell to a sitting position. - I haven't forgiven you-Ulrich threatened grumblingly- that during the time you were in love with this muddlehead Meingast I simply didn't exist for youi-Oh? Clarisse answered. -Y ou don't un- derstand. Meingast is homosexual. So you didn't understand me at all!
-But what's this chatter about redeeming all about? Ulrich asked severely. -That only blossomed because ofhim, didn't it?
- O h , I'll explain that to you. Come! Clarisse assured him.
Ulrich started with what Walter had already told him.
-All right. But that's not the main point. The main point is the bear. -The bear?
-Yes; the pointed muzzle with the teeth that tear everything to
pieces. I arouse the bear in all of you! Clarisse showed with a gesture what she meant, and smiled innocently. - B u t , Clarisse! - O f course! Clarisse said. -Y ou deny me when I'm being honest! But even Walter believes that every person has an animal in him whom he resembles. From which he has to be redeemed. Nietzsche had his eagle, Walter and Moosbrugger have the bear.
- A n d I ? Ulrich asked, curious.
- I don't know yet.
- A n d you?
- I ' m a he-goat with eagle's wings.
So they wandered through the woods, eating berries now and then,
heat and hunger making them as dry as violin wood. Sometimes Clarisse broke off a small dry twig and handed it to Ulrich; he didn't know whether to throw it away or keep it in his hand; as with children, when they do such things, there was something else behind it, for which there was no articulated notion. Now Clarisse stopped in the wilderness, and the light in her eyes shone. She declared: -Moosbrugger has commit- ted a sexual murder, hasn't he? What's that? Desire separated in him from what's human! But isn't that the same in Walter too? And in you?
1614 · THE MAN WITHOUT QUALITIES
Moosbrugger has had to pay for it. Isn't one obliged to help him? What do you say to that? From the foot of the trees came the smell of dark- ness, mushrooms, and decay, from above of sunlit fir twigs.
-W ill you do that for me? Clarisse asked.
Ulrich again said no, and asked Clarisse to come back to the house. She meandered along beside him and let her head droop. They had
gone quite far from the path. -W e're hungry, Clarisse said, and pulled out a piece of old bread she was carrying in her pocket. She gave Ulrich some of it too. It produced a remarkably pleasant-unpleasant feeling, which quieted hunger and tortured thirst. -The mills of time grind dryly---Clarisse poetized-you feel grain after grain falling.
And it occurred to Ulrich without thinking about it much that among these totally meaningless annoyances he felt better than he had in a long time.
Clarisse set about once more to win him over. She would do it herself. She had a plan. She only needed a little money. And he would have to speak to Moosbrugger in her stead, because she wasn't allowed in the clinic anymore.
Ulrich promised. This derring-do fantasy filled up the time. He guarded himself against all consequences. Clarisse laughed.
As they were on the way home, chance had it that they caught up with a man leading a tame bear. Ulrich joked about it, but Clarisse grew seri- ous and seemed to seek protection in the closeness of his body, and her face became deeply absorbed. As they passed the man and the bear, she suddenly called out: -I'll tame every bear! It sounded like an awkward joke. But she suddenly reached for the bear's muzzle, and Ulrich had difficulty pulling her back quickly enough from the startled, growling beast.
The next time, Ulrich met Clarisse at the painter's studio offriends of hers, where a circle of people had gathered and was making music. Cla- risse did not stand out in these surroundings; the role ofodd man out fell to Ulrich instead. He had come reluctantly and felt repugnance among these people, who, contorted, were listening ecstatically. The transitions from charming, gentle, and soft to gloomy, heroic, and tumultuous, which the music went through several times within the space of a quar- ter hour, musicians don't notice, because for them this progression is synonymous with music and therefore with something of the highest dis- tinctionl-but to Ulrich, who at the moment was not at all under the
From the Posthu11WUs Papers · 1 615
sway of the prejudice that music was something that had to be, this music seemed as badly motivated and unmediated in its progression as the carryings-on of a company of drunks that alternates periodically be- tween sentimentality and fistfights. He had no intention of imagining what the soul of a great musician might be like and passing judgment on it, but what was usually considered great music seemed to him much like a chest with a beautifully carved exterior and full of the contents of the soul, from which one has pulled out all the drawers, so that the contents lie all jumbled together inside. He usually could not understand music as an amalgam of soul and form, because he saw too clearly that the soul of music, aside from rarely encountered pure music, is nothing but the conventional soul of Jack and Jill whipped to a frenzy.
He was, notwithstanding, supporting his head in both hands like the others; he just did not know whether it was because he was thinking of Walter or closing his ears a little. In truth, he was neither keeping his ears entirely closed nor thinking of Walter. He merely wanted to be alone. He did not often reflect about other people; apparently because he also rarely thought about himself as "a person. " He usually acted on the opinion that what one thinks, feels, wants, imagines, and creates could, in certain circumstances, signify an enrichment of life; but what one is signifies under no circumstances more than a by-product of the process of this production. Musical people, on the other hand, are quite often of the opposite opinion. They do produce something, to which they apply the impersonal name of music, but what they produce con- sists for the most part, or at least for the part that is most important to them, of themselves, their sensations, emotions, and their shared experi- ence. There is more momentary being and less lasting duration in their music, which among all intellectual activities is closest to that of the actor. This intensification, which he was being forced to witness, aroused Ulrich's antipathy; he sat among these people like an owl among songbirds.
And of course Walter was his exact opposite. Walter thought passion- ately and a great deal about himself. He took everything he encountered seriously. Because he encountered it; as if that were a merit that can make one thing into another.
