Now, observe, the
king challenges me to single combat; honour forbids that I should draw
back; I accordingly engage him.
king challenges me to single combat; honour forbids that I should draw
back; I accordingly engage him.
Lucian
See what comes of houses
in fashionable quarters, and great retinues. Well, please remember to
bring us back some of those exquisite smoked fish from the Nile, or
some myrrh from Canopus, or an ibis from Memphis;--I suppose you would
scarcely have room for a pyramid?
_Ti. _ That is enough, Lycinus. Spare his blushes. You have quite
swamped his ship; she is laughter-logged, and can weather it no longer.
Now, we have still some distance before us; let us break it up into
four parts, and each have so many furlongs, in which he may demand of
the Gods what he will. This will lighten our journey, and amuse us into
the bargain; we shall revel in a delightful waking dream of unlimited
prosperity; for each of us will have full control of his own Wish, and
it will be understood that the Gods must grant everything, however
impracticable. Above all, it will give us an idea who would make the
best use of the supposed wealth; we shall see what kind of a man it
would have made of him.
_Sa. _ A good idea. I am your man; I undertake to wish when my turn
comes. We need not ask Adimantus whether he agrees; he has one foot on
board already. We must have Lycinus's sanction, however.
_Ly. _ Why, let us to our wealth, if so it must be. Where all is
prosperity, I would not be thought to cast an evil eye.
_Ad. _ Who begins?
_Ly. _ You; and then Samippus, and then Timolaus. I shall only want the
last hundred yards or so before the Gate for mine, and a quick hundred,
too.
_Ad. _ Well, I stick to my ship still; only I shall wish some more
things, as it is allowed. May the God of Luck say Yes to all! I will
have the ship, and everything in her; the cargo, the merchants, the
women, the sailors, and anything else that is particularly nice to have.
_Sa. _ You forget one thing you have on board--
_Ad. _ Oh, the boy with the hair; yes, him too. And instead of the
present cargo of wheat, I will have the same bulk of coined gold, all
sovereigns.
_Ly. _ Hullo! The ship will sink. Wheat and gold to the same bulk are
not of the same weight.
_Ad. _ Now, don't make envious remarks. When your turn comes, you can
have the whole of Parnes turned into a mass of gold if you like, and I
shall say nothing.
_Ly. _ Oh, I was only thinking of your safety. I don't want all hands to
go down with the golden cargo. It would not matter so much about us,
but the poor boy would be drowned; he can't swim.
_Ti. _ Oh, that will be all right. The dolphins will pick him up and get
him to shore. Shall a paltry musician be rescued by them for a song's
sake, a lifeless Melicertes be carried on their backs to the Isthmus,
and Adimantus's latest purchase find never an amorous dolphin at his
need?
_Ad. _ Timolaus, you are just as bad as Lycinus, with your superfluous
sneers. You ought to know better; it was all your idea.
_Ti. _ You should make it more plausible. Find a treasure under your
bed; that would save unloading the gold, and getting it up to town.
_Ad. _ Oh yes! It shall be dug up from under the Hermes in our court; a
thousand bushels of coined gold. Well; my first thought has been for
a handsome house,--'the homestead first and chiefest,' says Hesiod;
and my purchases in the neighbourhood are now complete; there remains
my property at Delphi, and the sea-front at Eleusis; and a little
something at the Isthmus (I might want to stop there for the games);
and the plain of Sicyon; and in short every scrap of land in the
country where there is nice shade, or a good stream, or fine fruit; I
reserve them all. We will eat off gold plate; and our cups shall weigh
100 lb. apiece; I will have none of the flimsy ware that appears on
Echecrates's table.
_Ly. _ I dare say! And how is your cupbearer going to hand you a thing
of that weight, when he has filled it? And how will you like taking
it from him? It would tax the muscles of a Sisyphus, let alone a
cupbearer's.
_Ad. _ Oh, don't keep on picking holes in my Wish. I shall have tables
and couches of solid gold, if I like; and servants too, if you say
another word.
_Ly. _ Well, take care, or you will be like Midas, with nothing but
gold to eat and drink; and die of a right royal hunger, a martyr to
superabundance.
_Ad. _ Your turn will come presently, Lycinus, and then you can be as
realistic as you like. To proceed: I must have purple raiment, and
every luxury, and sleep as late as I like; with friends to come and
pay court to me, and every one bowing down to the ground; and they
will all have to wait about at my doors from early morning--the great
Cleaenetus and Democritus among them; oh yes, and when they come and
try to get in before every one else, seven great foreign giants of
porters shall slam the door in their faces, just as theirs do now.
And as soon as I feel inclined, I shall peep out like the rising sun,
and some of that set I shall simply ignore; but if there is some poor
man there, like me before I got the treasure, I shall have a kind word
for him: 'You must come and have dinner with me, after your bath; you
know my hour. ' The great men will all choke with envy when they see my
chariots and horses, and my handsome slaves--two thousand choice ones,
of all ages. Well, so the dinner service is to be of gold,--no silver
for me, it is much too cheap--and I shall have smoked fish from Spain;
wine from Italy; oil from Spain again; our own honey, but it must be
clarified without heat; delicacies from all quarters; wild boars;
hares; all sorts of birds, pheasants, Indian peacocks, Numidian capons;
and special cooks for everything, artists in sauce and seasoning. And
when I call for a beaker or goblet to pledge any one, he shall take it
home with him. As to the people who now pass for rich, they, I need
not say, will be paupers to me. Dionicus will give up displaying his
silver plate and cup in processions, when he sees that my slaves eat
off nothing but silver. I should set apart something for the public
service, too; a monthly distribution of £4 a head to citizens, and half
that to foreigners; and the most beautiful theatres and baths you can
imagine; and the sea should be brought along a great canal up to the
Double Gates, and there would be a harbour close by, so that my ship
could be seen lying at anchor from the Ceramicus. And of you who are my
friends, Samippus should have twenty bushels of coined gold paid out to
him by my steward; Timolaus, five quarts; and Lycinus one quart, strict
measure, because he talks too much, and sneers at my Wish. That is how
I would live; revelling in every luxury without stint, superlatively
rich. I have done. Hermes bring it all to pass!
_Ly. _ Have you realized on what a slender thread all this wealth
depends? Once let that break, and all is gone; your treasure is but
dust and ashes.
_Ad. _ How so?
_Ly. _ Why, it is not clear how long this life of affluence is to last.
Who knows? You may be sitting one day at your solid gold table, just
putting out your hand for a slice of that peacock or capon, when, at
that very moment, off flies _animula vagula_, and Adimantus after
her, leaving his all a prey to crows and vultures. Need I enumerate
instances? There have been rich men who have died before they knew what
it was to be rich; others have lived to be robbed of their possessions
by some malign spirit who waits upon wealth. The cases of Croesus and
Polycrates are familiar to you. Their riches were greater far than
yours; yet at one stroke they lost all. But leaving them out of the
case, do you consider that you have good security for the continuance
of your health? Look at the number of rich men whose lives are made
miserable by their infirmities: some are crippled, others are blind,
others have internal diseases. Say what you will, I am sure that for
double your wealth you would not consent to be a weakling like rich
Phanomachus; not to mention the artful designs, the robberies, the
envy, and the unpopularity that are inseparable from wealth. See what
troubles your treasure will land you in!
_Ad. _ You are always against me, Lycinus. I shall cancel your quart
now, for this last piece of spite.
_Ly. _ That is so like a rich man, to draw back and break his promise; a
good beginning! Now, Samippus, it is your turn to wish.
_Sa. _ Well, I am a landsman; I come from Mantinea, you know, in
Arcadia; so I shall not ask for a ship; I could make no show with
that in my country. Nor will I insult the generosity of the Gods by
asking for so much gold down. I understand there is no boon so great,
but their power and Timolaus's law can compass it; we are to wish
away without ceremony, he says,--they will refuse us nothing. Well
then, I wish to be a king. But I will not succeed to a hereditary
throne, like Alexander of Macedon, Ptolemy, Mithridates and the rest
of them. No, I will begin as a brigand, in a troop of thirty or so,
brisk companions ready at need. Then little by little we shall grow to
be 300; then 1,000, and presently 10,000; and at last we shall total
50,000 heavy-armed, and 5,000 horse. I shall be elected their chieftain
by general consent, having shown myself to be the best qualified for
the command and conduct of their affairs. Already, you see, I have
the advantage of ordinary kings: I am elected to the command on my
own merits; I am no hereditary monarch, reaping the fruits of my
predecessor's labours. That would be like Adimantus, with his treasure;
but there is much more satisfaction in knowing that your power is the
work of your own hands.
_Ly. _ Now really, this _is_ a Wish, and no mistake; the very acme of
blessedness; to be commander of that vast company, chosen on your own
merits by 50,000 men! A genius, a master of strategy and king-craft has
been quietly growing up in Mantinea, and we not a whit the wiser! But
I interrupt. Proceed, O King, at the head of your troops; dispose your
forces, infantry and cavalry. Whither, I wonder, goes this mighty host,
issuing from Arcadia? Who are to be the first victims?
_Sa. _ I'll tell you; or you can come with us, if you like. I will put
you in command of the cavalry.
_Ly. _ Why, as to that, your Majesty, I am much beholden to you for
the honour; accept my most oriental prostrations; and manuflexions.
But, with all respect to your diadem, and the perpendicularity of your
tiara, you would do well to take one of these stout fellows instead. I
am sadly deficient in horsemanship; indeed, I was never on a horse in
my life. I am afraid that when the trumpet sounded to advance, I might
fall off, and be trampled, in the general confusion, under some of
those numerous hoofs. Or again, my spirited charger might get the bit
between his teeth, and carry me right into the midst of the enemy. If
I am to remain in possession of saddle and bridle, I shall have to be
tied on.
_Ad. _ All right, Samippus, I will command the cavalry; Lycinus can have
the right wing. I have the first claim on you, after all those bushels
of sovereigns.
_Sa. _ Let us see what my troopers think of you for a leader. All in
favour of Adimantus, hold up their hands.
_Ad. _ All hands go up, look.
_Sa. _ You command the cavalry, then, and Lycinus the right wing.
Timolaus will have the left wing. I am in the centre, like the Persian
monarchs when they take the field in person. Well; after due observance
paid to Zeus, king of kings, we advance along the hill-road to Corinth.
Greece being now subjugated (for no resistance will be offered to our
enormous host, we shall merely walk over), we get our troops on to the
galleys, and the horses on to the transports (arrangements having been
made at Cenchreae for the requisite number of vessels, with adequate
provision and so on), cross the Aegean, and land in Ionia. Here we
sacrifice to Artemis, and finding the various cities unfortified,
take easy possession of them, put in governors, and march on in the
direction of Syria. On the way we pass through Caria, Lycia, Pamphylia,
Pisidia, the mountains and sea-board of Cilicia, and so at last reach
the Euphrates.
_Ly. _ If your Majesty has no objection, I will stay behind and be Pacha
of Greece. I am a poor-spirited fellow; to go all that way from home
is not to my liking at all. You evidently meditate an attack upon the
Parthians and Armenians, warlike folk, and unerring shots. Let some
one else have the right wing, and let me play Antipater here at home.
Some arrow, from the walls of Susa or Bactra, might find a chink in my
armour, and let daylight through me; and there would be a melancholy
end of my strategic career.
_Sa. _ Oh coward, to desert your post! The penalty for that is
decapitation. --We are now at the Euphrates, and have thrown our
bridge across. All is secured in our rear by the subordinates whom I
have placed in charge of the various districts; officers have also
been dispatched for the reduction of Phoenicia and Palestine, and,
subsequently, of Egypt. Now, Lycinus, you cross first, with the right
wing; I next, and Timolaus after me. Last comes Adimantus with the
cavalry. We have now crossed Mesopotamia, and no enemy has yet shown
himself; town after town has voluntarily given itself up; we reach
Babylon; we enter its gates without warning, and the city is ours. The
Persian king meanwhile is at Ctesiphon. He hears of our approach and
withdraws to Seleucia, where he proceeds to muster his full strength of
cavalry, bowmen, and slingers. Our scouts report that the force already
collected numbers something like a million, including two hundred
thousand mounted bowmen; and the Armenian, Caspian, and Bactrian
contingents are still to come; only the neighbouring districts, the
suburbs, as it were, of the empire, have contributed as yet. With such
ease does the Persian monarch raise a million of men! It is now time
for us to think what we are to do next.
_Ad. _ Well, I say that you should all march for Ctesiphon, leaving me
to secure Babylon with the cavalry.
_Sa. _ Are you going to show the white feather too, Adimantus, now that
the danger is near? --Timolaus, what is your advice?
_Ti. _ We must march upon the enemy in full force, before they have had
time to strengthen their hands with the reinforcements that are pouring
in from all quarters; let us engage them whilst they are still making
their several ways to Seleucia.
_Sa. _ There is something in that. What do you recommend, Lycinus?
_Ly. _ Well, we have all been on our legs till we are tired out; there
was the early walk down, and we must be a good three miles now on the
way home; and the sun is extremely powerful--it is just about noon: how
would it be to sit down for a bit on that ruined column under the olive
trees, till we are sufficiently restored to complete the journey?
_Sa. _ _O sancta simplicitas! _ Did you think that you were at Athens
all this time? You are in the plain before Babylon, in a great
camp,--engaged in a council of war.
_Ly. _ Why, so I am. I forgot; we are drunk, of course; it is against
rules to talk sense.
_Sa. _ Well, now, please, to the attack. Bear yourselves gallantly
in this hour of danger: be not less than Greeks. See, the enemy are
upon us. Our watchword is 'Lord of Battles. ' The moment the trumpet
sounds, raise the war-cry, clash spear upon shield, and lose no time
in coming to close quarters, out of danger of their arrows; otherwise
the bowmen will give us a warm reception. No sooner do we get to work
than Timolaus with his left wing routs their right; in the centre the
conflict is even; for I have the native Persian troops against me,
and the king is in their midst. The whole strength of their cavalry
bears down upon our right wing; play the man, therefore, Lycinus; and
encourage your troops to receive the charge.
_Ly. _ Just my luck! Every single trooper of them is making straight
for me, as if I were the only foeman worthy of their steel. If they
go on like this, I think I shall have to turn tail and make for the
gymnasium, and leave you to fight it out.
_Sa. _ Nonsense; you have almost beaten them already.
Now, observe, the
king challenges me to single combat; honour forbids that I should draw
back; I accordingly engage him.
_Ly. _ To be sure; and are promptly wounded. No king should omit to
receive a wound, when empire is at stake.
_Sa. _ Well, yes; I do get just a scratch; it is well out of sight,
however, so the scar will be no disfigurement. On the other hand,
observe the fury of my charge: I send my spear through horse and rider
at one stroke; cut off the royal head; remove the diadem therefrom,
and am saluted as king with universal prostrations. That applies
only to the barbarians; from you who are Greeks I shall have merely
the usual title of commander-in-chief. You may imagine the rest: the
Samippopolises I shall found, the cities I shall storm and destroy for
slighting my supremacy. The wealthy Cydias will come in for the largest
share of my attention; I have not forgotten his gradual encroachments
on my property, in the days when we were neighbours.
_Ly. _ Stop there, Samippus; after such a victory, it is high time you
retired to Babylon, to keep festival. Three-quarters of a mile is your
allowance of dominion, as I reckon it. Timolaus now selects his wish.
_Sa. _ Well, tell me what you think of mine?
_Ly. _ It seems to me, most sapient monarch, to involve considerably
more trouble and annoyance than that of Adimantus. While he lives
luxuriously, and hands about gold cups--hundred-pounders--to his
guests, you are sustaining wounds in single combat. From morning till
night, all is worry and anxiety with you. You have not only the public
enemies to fear: there are the numberless conspiracies, the envy and
hatred of your courtiers; you have flatterers enough, but not one
friend; their seeming goodwill is the work of fear or ambition. As to
enjoyment, you can never dream of such a thing. You have to content
yourself with glory and gold embroidery and purple; with the victor's
garland, and the king's bodyguard; beyond these there is nothing but
intolerable toil and continual discomfort. You are either negotiating
with ambassadors, or judging cases, or issuing mandates to your
subjects. Here a tribe revolts: there an enemy invades. All is fear
and suspicion. The world may think you happy; but you know better. And
surely it is a very humiliating circumstance that you should be apt
to fall ill, just like ordinary people? Fevers seem not to understand
that you are a king; nor does Death stand in any awe of your bodyguard;
when the fancy takes him, he comes, and carries you off lamenting; what
cares he for the diadem? Fallen from your high estate, dragged from
your kingly throne, you go the same road as the rest of us; there is no
'benefit of royalty' among the timid flock of shades. You leave behind
you upon earth some massive tomb, some stately column, some pyramid
of noble outline; but it will be too late then for vanity to enjoy
these things; and the statues and temples, the offerings of obsequious
cities, nay, your great name itself, all will presently decay, and
vanish, and be of no further account. Take it at the best; let all
endure for ages: what will it profit your senseless clay? And it is
for this that you are to live uneasy days, ever scheming, fearing,
toiling! --Timolaus, the wish is with you. We shall expect better things
from your judgement and experience.
_Ti. _ See if you can find anything questionable or reprehensible in
what I propose. As to treasure-heaps and bushels of coin, I will have
none of them; nor monarchy, with the wars and terrors it involves.
You rightly censured such things, precarious as they are, exposed
to endless machinations, and bringing with them more vexation than
pleasure. No; my wish is that Hermes should appear and present me with
certain rings, possessed of certain powers. One should ensure its
wearer continual health and strength, invulnerability, insensibility
to pain. Another, like that of Gyges, should make me invisible. A
third should give me the strength to pick up with ease a weight that
ten thousand men could barely move. Then I must be able to fly to any
height above the earth; a ring for that. Again, I shall want to be able
to put people to sleep upon occasion; and at my approach all doors must
immediately fly open, all bolts yield, all bars withdraw. One ring may
secure these points. There remains yet one, the most precious of them
all; for with it on my finger I am the desire of every woman and boy,
ay, of whole nations; not one escapes me; I am in all hearts, on all
tongues. Women will hang themselves for the vehemence of their passion,
boys will go mad. Happy will those few be reckoned on whom I cast a
glance; and those whom I scorn will pine away for grief. Hyacinth,
Hylas, Phaon, will sink into insignificance beside me. And all this I
hold on no brief tenure; the limitations of human life are not for me.
I shall live a thousand years, ever renewing my youth, and casting off
the slough of old age every time I get to seventeen. --With these rings
I shall lack nothing. All that is another's is mine: for can I not open
his doors, put his guards to sleep, and walk in unperceived? Instead of
sending to India or to the Hyperboreans for their curiosities, their
treasures, their wines or their delicacies, I can fly thither myself,
and take my fill of all. The phoenix of India, the griffin, that winged
monster, are sights unknown to others: I shall see them. I alone shall
know the sources of the Nile, the lands that are uninhabited, the
Antipodes, if such there be, dwelling on the other side of the earth.
Nay, I may learn the nature of the stars, the moon, the sun itself; for
fire cannot harm me. And think of the joy of announcing the Olympian
victor's name in Babylon, on the day of the contest! or of having one's
breakfast in Syria, and one's dinner in Italy! Had I an enemy, I could
be even with him, thanks to my invisibility, by cracking his skull with
a rock; my friends, on the other hand, I might subsidize with showers
of gold as they lay asleep. Have we some overweening tyrant, who
insults us with his wealth? I carry him off a couple of miles or so,
and drop him over the nearest precipice. I could enjoy the company of
my beloved without let or hindrance, going secretly in after I had put
every one else in the house to sleep. What a thing it would be to hover
overhead, out of range, and watch contending armies! If I liked, I
could take the part of the vanquished, send their conquerors to sleep,
rally the fugitives and give them the victory. In short, the affairs
of humanity would be my diversion; all things would be in my power;
mankind would account me a God. Here is the perfection of happiness,
secure and indestructible, backed as it is by health and longevity.
What faults have you to find, Lycinus?
_Ly. _ None; it is not safe to thwart a man who has wings, and the
strength of ten thousand. I have only one question to ask. Did you
ever, among all the nations you passed in your flight, meet with
a similar case of mental aberration? a man of mature years riding
about on a finger-ring, moving whole mountains with a touch; bald and
snub-nosed, yet the desire of all eyes? Ah, there was another point.
What is to prevent one single ring from doing all the work? Why go
about with your left hand loaded,--a ring to every finger? nay, they
overflow; the right hand must be forced into the service. And you
have left out the most important ring of all, the one to stop your
drivelling at this absurd rate. Perhaps you consider that a stiffish
dose of hellebore would serve the turn?
_Ti. _ Now, positively, Lycinus, you must have a try yourself. You find
fault with everybody else; this time we should like to hear _your_
version of a really unexceptionable wish.
_Ly. _ What do I want with a wish? Here we are at the gates. What with
the valiant Samippus's single combat at Babylon, and your breakfasts in
Syria and dinners in Italy, you have used up my ground between you; and
you are heartily welcome. I have no fancy for a short-lived visionary
wealth, with the humiliating sequel of barley-bread and no butter.
That will be your fate presently. Your bliss and your wealth will take
wings; you will wake from your charming dreams of treasure and diadems,
to find that your domestic arrangements are of quite another kind, like
the actors who take the king's part in tragedies;--their late majesties
King Agamemnon and King Creon usually return to very short commons on
leaving the theatre. Some depression, some discontent at your existing
arrangements, is to be expected on the occasion. You will be the worst
off, Timolaus. Your flying-machine will come to grief, like that of
Icarus; you will descend from the skies, and foot it on the ground; and
all those rings will slip off and be lost. As for me, I am content with
the exquisite amusement afforded me by your various wishes; I would not
exchange it for all the treasure in the world, Babylon included. And
you call yourselves philosophers!
F.
DIALOGUES OF THE HETAERAE
I
_Glycera. Thais_
_Gly. _ Thais, that Acarnanian soldier, who used to be so fond of
Abrotonum, and then fell in love with me--he was decorated, and wore
a military cloak--do you know the man I mean? I suppose you have
forgotten him?
_Th. _ Oh no, dear, I know; why, he shared our table last harvest
festival. Well? you look as if you had something to tell me about him.
_Gly. _ That wicked Gorgona (such a _friend_ of mine, to be sure! )--she
has stolen him away from me.
_Th. _ What! he has given you up, and taken her in your place?
_Gly. _ Yes, dear; isn't it _horrid_ of her?
_Th. _ Well, Glycera darling, it _is_ wicked, of course; but it is not
very surprising; it is what all we poor girls do. You mustn't be too
much vexed; I shouldn't blame her, if I were you; Abrotonum never
blamed you about him, you know; and you were friends, too. But _I_
cannot think what he _finds_ in her; where are his eyes? has he never
found out how thin her hair is? what a lot of forehead she shows! and
her lips! all livid; they might be a dead woman's; and that scraggy
neck, veined all over; and what an amount of nose! I grant you she is
tall and straight; and she has quite a nice smile.
_Gly. _ Oh, Thais, you don't think it was her _looks_ caught him. Don't
you know? her mother Chrysarium is a witch; she knows Thessalian
charms, and can draw down the moon; they do say she flies o' nights. It
was she bewitched him with drugs in his drink, and now they are making
their harvest out of him.
_Th. _ Ah well, dear, you will get a harvest out of some one else; never
mind him.
H.
II
_Myrtium. Pamphilus. Doris_
_Myr. _ Well, Pamphilus? So I hear you are to marry Phido the
shipmaster's daughter,--if you have not done so already! And this is
the end of your vows and tears! All is over and forgotten! And I so
near my time! Yes, that is all I have to thank my lover for; that,
and the prospect of having a child to bring up; and you know what
that means to us poor girls. I mean to keep the child, especially if
it is a boy: it will be some comfort to me to call him after you; and
perhaps some day you will be sorry, when he comes to reproach you for
betraying his poor mother. I can't say much for the lady's looks.
I saw her only the other day, with her mother, at the Thesmophoria;
little did I know then that she was to rob me of my Pamphilus! Hadn't
you better see what she is like first? Take a good look at her eyes;
and try not to mind the colour, and the cast (she has such a squint! ).
Or no: there is no need for you to see her: you have seen Phido; you
know what a face _he_ has.
_Pa. _ How much more nonsense are you going to talk about shipowners and
marriages? What do I know about brides, ugly or pretty? If you mean
Phido of Alopece, I never knew he had a grown-up daughter at all. Why,
now I think of it, he is not even on speaking terms with my father.
They were at law not long ago--something about a shipping contract.
He owed my father a talent, I think it was, and refused to pay; so he
was had up before the Admiralty Court, and my father never got paid
in full, after all, so he said. Do you suppose if I wanted to marry I
should pass over Demeas's daughter in favour of Phido's? Demeas was
general last year, and she is my cousin on the mother's side. Who has
been telling you all this? Is it just a cobweb spun in that jealous
little brain of yours?
_Myr. _ Pamphilus! You mean to say you are _not_ going to be married?
_Pa. _ Are you mad, or what is the matter with you? We did not have much
to drink yesterday.
_Myr. _ Ask Doris; it is all her fault. I sent her out to buy some wool,
and to offer up prayer to Artemis for me. And she said that she met
Lesbia, and Lesbia ---- Doris, tell him what Lesbia said, unless you
invented it all yourself.
_Dor. _ May I die, miss, if I said a word more than the truth! Just by
the town-hall Lesbia met me, and 'Doris,' says she, smiling, 'your
young gentleman is to marry Phido's daughter. And if you don't believe
me,' says she, 'look up their street, and you will see everything
crowned with garlands, and a fine bustle going on; flutes playing, and
people singing the wedding-song. '
_Pa. _ Well; and you did?
_Dor. _ That I did, sir; and it was all as Lesbia had said.
_Pa. _ Ah, now I see! You have told your mistress nothing but the truth;
and there was some ground for what Lesbia told you. However, it is a
false alarm. The wedding is not at our house. I remember now. When
I went back home yesterday, after leaving you, 'Pamphilus,' said my
mother, 'here is neighbour Aristaenetus's son, Charmides, who is no
older than you, just going to marry and settle down: when are _you_
going to turn over a new leaf? ' And then I dropped off to sleep. I went
out early this morning, so that I saw nothing of all that Doris has
seen. If you doubt my word, Doris can go again; and look more carefully
this time, Doris; mark the house, not the street only, and you will
find that the garlands are next door.
_Myr. _ I breathe again! Pamphilus, if it had been true, I should have
killed myself!
_Pa. _ _True_, indeed! Am I mad, that I should forget Myrtium, so soon
to become the mother of my child?
F.
III
_Philinna. Her Mother_
_Mother. _ You must be mad, Philinna; what _was_ the matter with you at
the dinner last night? Diphilus was in tears this morning when he came
and told me how he had been treated. You were tipsy, he said, and made
an exhibition of yourself, dancing when he asked you not to; then you
kissed his friend Lamprias, and when Diphilus did not like that, you
left him and went and put your arms round Lamprias; and he choking
with rage all the time. And afterwards you would not go near him, but
let him cry by himself, and kept singing and teasing him.
_Phi. _ Ah, mother, he never told you how _he_ behaved; if you knew how
rude he was, you would not take his part. He neglected me and made up
to Thais, Lamprias's girl, before Lamprias came. I was angry, and let
him see what I thought of him, and then he took hold of Thais's ear,
bent her neck back and gave her--oh, such a kiss!
in fashionable quarters, and great retinues. Well, please remember to
bring us back some of those exquisite smoked fish from the Nile, or
some myrrh from Canopus, or an ibis from Memphis;--I suppose you would
scarcely have room for a pyramid?
_Ti. _ That is enough, Lycinus. Spare his blushes. You have quite
swamped his ship; she is laughter-logged, and can weather it no longer.
Now, we have still some distance before us; let us break it up into
four parts, and each have so many furlongs, in which he may demand of
the Gods what he will. This will lighten our journey, and amuse us into
the bargain; we shall revel in a delightful waking dream of unlimited
prosperity; for each of us will have full control of his own Wish, and
it will be understood that the Gods must grant everything, however
impracticable. Above all, it will give us an idea who would make the
best use of the supposed wealth; we shall see what kind of a man it
would have made of him.
_Sa. _ A good idea. I am your man; I undertake to wish when my turn
comes. We need not ask Adimantus whether he agrees; he has one foot on
board already. We must have Lycinus's sanction, however.
_Ly. _ Why, let us to our wealth, if so it must be. Where all is
prosperity, I would not be thought to cast an evil eye.
_Ad. _ Who begins?
_Ly. _ You; and then Samippus, and then Timolaus. I shall only want the
last hundred yards or so before the Gate for mine, and a quick hundred,
too.
_Ad. _ Well, I stick to my ship still; only I shall wish some more
things, as it is allowed. May the God of Luck say Yes to all! I will
have the ship, and everything in her; the cargo, the merchants, the
women, the sailors, and anything else that is particularly nice to have.
_Sa. _ You forget one thing you have on board--
_Ad. _ Oh, the boy with the hair; yes, him too. And instead of the
present cargo of wheat, I will have the same bulk of coined gold, all
sovereigns.
_Ly. _ Hullo! The ship will sink. Wheat and gold to the same bulk are
not of the same weight.
_Ad. _ Now, don't make envious remarks. When your turn comes, you can
have the whole of Parnes turned into a mass of gold if you like, and I
shall say nothing.
_Ly. _ Oh, I was only thinking of your safety. I don't want all hands to
go down with the golden cargo. It would not matter so much about us,
but the poor boy would be drowned; he can't swim.
_Ti. _ Oh, that will be all right. The dolphins will pick him up and get
him to shore. Shall a paltry musician be rescued by them for a song's
sake, a lifeless Melicertes be carried on their backs to the Isthmus,
and Adimantus's latest purchase find never an amorous dolphin at his
need?
_Ad. _ Timolaus, you are just as bad as Lycinus, with your superfluous
sneers. You ought to know better; it was all your idea.
_Ti. _ You should make it more plausible. Find a treasure under your
bed; that would save unloading the gold, and getting it up to town.
_Ad. _ Oh yes! It shall be dug up from under the Hermes in our court; a
thousand bushels of coined gold. Well; my first thought has been for
a handsome house,--'the homestead first and chiefest,' says Hesiod;
and my purchases in the neighbourhood are now complete; there remains
my property at Delphi, and the sea-front at Eleusis; and a little
something at the Isthmus (I might want to stop there for the games);
and the plain of Sicyon; and in short every scrap of land in the
country where there is nice shade, or a good stream, or fine fruit; I
reserve them all. We will eat off gold plate; and our cups shall weigh
100 lb. apiece; I will have none of the flimsy ware that appears on
Echecrates's table.
_Ly. _ I dare say! And how is your cupbearer going to hand you a thing
of that weight, when he has filled it? And how will you like taking
it from him? It would tax the muscles of a Sisyphus, let alone a
cupbearer's.
_Ad. _ Oh, don't keep on picking holes in my Wish. I shall have tables
and couches of solid gold, if I like; and servants too, if you say
another word.
_Ly. _ Well, take care, or you will be like Midas, with nothing but
gold to eat and drink; and die of a right royal hunger, a martyr to
superabundance.
_Ad. _ Your turn will come presently, Lycinus, and then you can be as
realistic as you like. To proceed: I must have purple raiment, and
every luxury, and sleep as late as I like; with friends to come and
pay court to me, and every one bowing down to the ground; and they
will all have to wait about at my doors from early morning--the great
Cleaenetus and Democritus among them; oh yes, and when they come and
try to get in before every one else, seven great foreign giants of
porters shall slam the door in their faces, just as theirs do now.
And as soon as I feel inclined, I shall peep out like the rising sun,
and some of that set I shall simply ignore; but if there is some poor
man there, like me before I got the treasure, I shall have a kind word
for him: 'You must come and have dinner with me, after your bath; you
know my hour. ' The great men will all choke with envy when they see my
chariots and horses, and my handsome slaves--two thousand choice ones,
of all ages. Well, so the dinner service is to be of gold,--no silver
for me, it is much too cheap--and I shall have smoked fish from Spain;
wine from Italy; oil from Spain again; our own honey, but it must be
clarified without heat; delicacies from all quarters; wild boars;
hares; all sorts of birds, pheasants, Indian peacocks, Numidian capons;
and special cooks for everything, artists in sauce and seasoning. And
when I call for a beaker or goblet to pledge any one, he shall take it
home with him. As to the people who now pass for rich, they, I need
not say, will be paupers to me. Dionicus will give up displaying his
silver plate and cup in processions, when he sees that my slaves eat
off nothing but silver. I should set apart something for the public
service, too; a monthly distribution of £4 a head to citizens, and half
that to foreigners; and the most beautiful theatres and baths you can
imagine; and the sea should be brought along a great canal up to the
Double Gates, and there would be a harbour close by, so that my ship
could be seen lying at anchor from the Ceramicus. And of you who are my
friends, Samippus should have twenty bushels of coined gold paid out to
him by my steward; Timolaus, five quarts; and Lycinus one quart, strict
measure, because he talks too much, and sneers at my Wish. That is how
I would live; revelling in every luxury without stint, superlatively
rich. I have done. Hermes bring it all to pass!
_Ly. _ Have you realized on what a slender thread all this wealth
depends? Once let that break, and all is gone; your treasure is but
dust and ashes.
_Ad. _ How so?
_Ly. _ Why, it is not clear how long this life of affluence is to last.
Who knows? You may be sitting one day at your solid gold table, just
putting out your hand for a slice of that peacock or capon, when, at
that very moment, off flies _animula vagula_, and Adimantus after
her, leaving his all a prey to crows and vultures. Need I enumerate
instances? There have been rich men who have died before they knew what
it was to be rich; others have lived to be robbed of their possessions
by some malign spirit who waits upon wealth. The cases of Croesus and
Polycrates are familiar to you. Their riches were greater far than
yours; yet at one stroke they lost all. But leaving them out of the
case, do you consider that you have good security for the continuance
of your health? Look at the number of rich men whose lives are made
miserable by their infirmities: some are crippled, others are blind,
others have internal diseases. Say what you will, I am sure that for
double your wealth you would not consent to be a weakling like rich
Phanomachus; not to mention the artful designs, the robberies, the
envy, and the unpopularity that are inseparable from wealth. See what
troubles your treasure will land you in!
_Ad. _ You are always against me, Lycinus. I shall cancel your quart
now, for this last piece of spite.
_Ly. _ That is so like a rich man, to draw back and break his promise; a
good beginning! Now, Samippus, it is your turn to wish.
_Sa. _ Well, I am a landsman; I come from Mantinea, you know, in
Arcadia; so I shall not ask for a ship; I could make no show with
that in my country. Nor will I insult the generosity of the Gods by
asking for so much gold down. I understand there is no boon so great,
but their power and Timolaus's law can compass it; we are to wish
away without ceremony, he says,--they will refuse us nothing. Well
then, I wish to be a king. But I will not succeed to a hereditary
throne, like Alexander of Macedon, Ptolemy, Mithridates and the rest
of them. No, I will begin as a brigand, in a troop of thirty or so,
brisk companions ready at need. Then little by little we shall grow to
be 300; then 1,000, and presently 10,000; and at last we shall total
50,000 heavy-armed, and 5,000 horse. I shall be elected their chieftain
by general consent, having shown myself to be the best qualified for
the command and conduct of their affairs. Already, you see, I have
the advantage of ordinary kings: I am elected to the command on my
own merits; I am no hereditary monarch, reaping the fruits of my
predecessor's labours. That would be like Adimantus, with his treasure;
but there is much more satisfaction in knowing that your power is the
work of your own hands.
_Ly. _ Now really, this _is_ a Wish, and no mistake; the very acme of
blessedness; to be commander of that vast company, chosen on your own
merits by 50,000 men! A genius, a master of strategy and king-craft has
been quietly growing up in Mantinea, and we not a whit the wiser! But
I interrupt. Proceed, O King, at the head of your troops; dispose your
forces, infantry and cavalry. Whither, I wonder, goes this mighty host,
issuing from Arcadia? Who are to be the first victims?
_Sa. _ I'll tell you; or you can come with us, if you like. I will put
you in command of the cavalry.
_Ly. _ Why, as to that, your Majesty, I am much beholden to you for
the honour; accept my most oriental prostrations; and manuflexions.
But, with all respect to your diadem, and the perpendicularity of your
tiara, you would do well to take one of these stout fellows instead. I
am sadly deficient in horsemanship; indeed, I was never on a horse in
my life. I am afraid that when the trumpet sounded to advance, I might
fall off, and be trampled, in the general confusion, under some of
those numerous hoofs. Or again, my spirited charger might get the bit
between his teeth, and carry me right into the midst of the enemy. If
I am to remain in possession of saddle and bridle, I shall have to be
tied on.
_Ad. _ All right, Samippus, I will command the cavalry; Lycinus can have
the right wing. I have the first claim on you, after all those bushels
of sovereigns.
_Sa. _ Let us see what my troopers think of you for a leader. All in
favour of Adimantus, hold up their hands.
_Ad. _ All hands go up, look.
_Sa. _ You command the cavalry, then, and Lycinus the right wing.
Timolaus will have the left wing. I am in the centre, like the Persian
monarchs when they take the field in person. Well; after due observance
paid to Zeus, king of kings, we advance along the hill-road to Corinth.
Greece being now subjugated (for no resistance will be offered to our
enormous host, we shall merely walk over), we get our troops on to the
galleys, and the horses on to the transports (arrangements having been
made at Cenchreae for the requisite number of vessels, with adequate
provision and so on), cross the Aegean, and land in Ionia. Here we
sacrifice to Artemis, and finding the various cities unfortified,
take easy possession of them, put in governors, and march on in the
direction of Syria. On the way we pass through Caria, Lycia, Pamphylia,
Pisidia, the mountains and sea-board of Cilicia, and so at last reach
the Euphrates.
_Ly. _ If your Majesty has no objection, I will stay behind and be Pacha
of Greece. I am a poor-spirited fellow; to go all that way from home
is not to my liking at all. You evidently meditate an attack upon the
Parthians and Armenians, warlike folk, and unerring shots. Let some
one else have the right wing, and let me play Antipater here at home.
Some arrow, from the walls of Susa or Bactra, might find a chink in my
armour, and let daylight through me; and there would be a melancholy
end of my strategic career.
_Sa. _ Oh coward, to desert your post! The penalty for that is
decapitation. --We are now at the Euphrates, and have thrown our
bridge across. All is secured in our rear by the subordinates whom I
have placed in charge of the various districts; officers have also
been dispatched for the reduction of Phoenicia and Palestine, and,
subsequently, of Egypt. Now, Lycinus, you cross first, with the right
wing; I next, and Timolaus after me. Last comes Adimantus with the
cavalry. We have now crossed Mesopotamia, and no enemy has yet shown
himself; town after town has voluntarily given itself up; we reach
Babylon; we enter its gates without warning, and the city is ours. The
Persian king meanwhile is at Ctesiphon. He hears of our approach and
withdraws to Seleucia, where he proceeds to muster his full strength of
cavalry, bowmen, and slingers. Our scouts report that the force already
collected numbers something like a million, including two hundred
thousand mounted bowmen; and the Armenian, Caspian, and Bactrian
contingents are still to come; only the neighbouring districts, the
suburbs, as it were, of the empire, have contributed as yet. With such
ease does the Persian monarch raise a million of men! It is now time
for us to think what we are to do next.
_Ad. _ Well, I say that you should all march for Ctesiphon, leaving me
to secure Babylon with the cavalry.
_Sa. _ Are you going to show the white feather too, Adimantus, now that
the danger is near? --Timolaus, what is your advice?
_Ti. _ We must march upon the enemy in full force, before they have had
time to strengthen their hands with the reinforcements that are pouring
in from all quarters; let us engage them whilst they are still making
their several ways to Seleucia.
_Sa. _ There is something in that. What do you recommend, Lycinus?
_Ly. _ Well, we have all been on our legs till we are tired out; there
was the early walk down, and we must be a good three miles now on the
way home; and the sun is extremely powerful--it is just about noon: how
would it be to sit down for a bit on that ruined column under the olive
trees, till we are sufficiently restored to complete the journey?
_Sa. _ _O sancta simplicitas! _ Did you think that you were at Athens
all this time? You are in the plain before Babylon, in a great
camp,--engaged in a council of war.
_Ly. _ Why, so I am. I forgot; we are drunk, of course; it is against
rules to talk sense.
_Sa. _ Well, now, please, to the attack. Bear yourselves gallantly
in this hour of danger: be not less than Greeks. See, the enemy are
upon us. Our watchword is 'Lord of Battles. ' The moment the trumpet
sounds, raise the war-cry, clash spear upon shield, and lose no time
in coming to close quarters, out of danger of their arrows; otherwise
the bowmen will give us a warm reception. No sooner do we get to work
than Timolaus with his left wing routs their right; in the centre the
conflict is even; for I have the native Persian troops against me,
and the king is in their midst. The whole strength of their cavalry
bears down upon our right wing; play the man, therefore, Lycinus; and
encourage your troops to receive the charge.
_Ly. _ Just my luck! Every single trooper of them is making straight
for me, as if I were the only foeman worthy of their steel. If they
go on like this, I think I shall have to turn tail and make for the
gymnasium, and leave you to fight it out.
_Sa. _ Nonsense; you have almost beaten them already.
Now, observe, the
king challenges me to single combat; honour forbids that I should draw
back; I accordingly engage him.
_Ly. _ To be sure; and are promptly wounded. No king should omit to
receive a wound, when empire is at stake.
_Sa. _ Well, yes; I do get just a scratch; it is well out of sight,
however, so the scar will be no disfigurement. On the other hand,
observe the fury of my charge: I send my spear through horse and rider
at one stroke; cut off the royal head; remove the diadem therefrom,
and am saluted as king with universal prostrations. That applies
only to the barbarians; from you who are Greeks I shall have merely
the usual title of commander-in-chief. You may imagine the rest: the
Samippopolises I shall found, the cities I shall storm and destroy for
slighting my supremacy. The wealthy Cydias will come in for the largest
share of my attention; I have not forgotten his gradual encroachments
on my property, in the days when we were neighbours.
_Ly. _ Stop there, Samippus; after such a victory, it is high time you
retired to Babylon, to keep festival. Three-quarters of a mile is your
allowance of dominion, as I reckon it. Timolaus now selects his wish.
_Sa. _ Well, tell me what you think of mine?
_Ly. _ It seems to me, most sapient monarch, to involve considerably
more trouble and annoyance than that of Adimantus. While he lives
luxuriously, and hands about gold cups--hundred-pounders--to his
guests, you are sustaining wounds in single combat. From morning till
night, all is worry and anxiety with you. You have not only the public
enemies to fear: there are the numberless conspiracies, the envy and
hatred of your courtiers; you have flatterers enough, but not one
friend; their seeming goodwill is the work of fear or ambition. As to
enjoyment, you can never dream of such a thing. You have to content
yourself with glory and gold embroidery and purple; with the victor's
garland, and the king's bodyguard; beyond these there is nothing but
intolerable toil and continual discomfort. You are either negotiating
with ambassadors, or judging cases, or issuing mandates to your
subjects. Here a tribe revolts: there an enemy invades. All is fear
and suspicion. The world may think you happy; but you know better. And
surely it is a very humiliating circumstance that you should be apt
to fall ill, just like ordinary people? Fevers seem not to understand
that you are a king; nor does Death stand in any awe of your bodyguard;
when the fancy takes him, he comes, and carries you off lamenting; what
cares he for the diadem? Fallen from your high estate, dragged from
your kingly throne, you go the same road as the rest of us; there is no
'benefit of royalty' among the timid flock of shades. You leave behind
you upon earth some massive tomb, some stately column, some pyramid
of noble outline; but it will be too late then for vanity to enjoy
these things; and the statues and temples, the offerings of obsequious
cities, nay, your great name itself, all will presently decay, and
vanish, and be of no further account. Take it at the best; let all
endure for ages: what will it profit your senseless clay? And it is
for this that you are to live uneasy days, ever scheming, fearing,
toiling! --Timolaus, the wish is with you. We shall expect better things
from your judgement and experience.
_Ti. _ See if you can find anything questionable or reprehensible in
what I propose. As to treasure-heaps and bushels of coin, I will have
none of them; nor monarchy, with the wars and terrors it involves.
You rightly censured such things, precarious as they are, exposed
to endless machinations, and bringing with them more vexation than
pleasure. No; my wish is that Hermes should appear and present me with
certain rings, possessed of certain powers. One should ensure its
wearer continual health and strength, invulnerability, insensibility
to pain. Another, like that of Gyges, should make me invisible. A
third should give me the strength to pick up with ease a weight that
ten thousand men could barely move. Then I must be able to fly to any
height above the earth; a ring for that. Again, I shall want to be able
to put people to sleep upon occasion; and at my approach all doors must
immediately fly open, all bolts yield, all bars withdraw. One ring may
secure these points. There remains yet one, the most precious of them
all; for with it on my finger I am the desire of every woman and boy,
ay, of whole nations; not one escapes me; I am in all hearts, on all
tongues. Women will hang themselves for the vehemence of their passion,
boys will go mad. Happy will those few be reckoned on whom I cast a
glance; and those whom I scorn will pine away for grief. Hyacinth,
Hylas, Phaon, will sink into insignificance beside me. And all this I
hold on no brief tenure; the limitations of human life are not for me.
I shall live a thousand years, ever renewing my youth, and casting off
the slough of old age every time I get to seventeen. --With these rings
I shall lack nothing. All that is another's is mine: for can I not open
his doors, put his guards to sleep, and walk in unperceived? Instead of
sending to India or to the Hyperboreans for their curiosities, their
treasures, their wines or their delicacies, I can fly thither myself,
and take my fill of all. The phoenix of India, the griffin, that winged
monster, are sights unknown to others: I shall see them. I alone shall
know the sources of the Nile, the lands that are uninhabited, the
Antipodes, if such there be, dwelling on the other side of the earth.
Nay, I may learn the nature of the stars, the moon, the sun itself; for
fire cannot harm me. And think of the joy of announcing the Olympian
victor's name in Babylon, on the day of the contest! or of having one's
breakfast in Syria, and one's dinner in Italy! Had I an enemy, I could
be even with him, thanks to my invisibility, by cracking his skull with
a rock; my friends, on the other hand, I might subsidize with showers
of gold as they lay asleep. Have we some overweening tyrant, who
insults us with his wealth? I carry him off a couple of miles or so,
and drop him over the nearest precipice. I could enjoy the company of
my beloved without let or hindrance, going secretly in after I had put
every one else in the house to sleep. What a thing it would be to hover
overhead, out of range, and watch contending armies! If I liked, I
could take the part of the vanquished, send their conquerors to sleep,
rally the fugitives and give them the victory. In short, the affairs
of humanity would be my diversion; all things would be in my power;
mankind would account me a God. Here is the perfection of happiness,
secure and indestructible, backed as it is by health and longevity.
What faults have you to find, Lycinus?
_Ly. _ None; it is not safe to thwart a man who has wings, and the
strength of ten thousand. I have only one question to ask. Did you
ever, among all the nations you passed in your flight, meet with
a similar case of mental aberration? a man of mature years riding
about on a finger-ring, moving whole mountains with a touch; bald and
snub-nosed, yet the desire of all eyes? Ah, there was another point.
What is to prevent one single ring from doing all the work? Why go
about with your left hand loaded,--a ring to every finger? nay, they
overflow; the right hand must be forced into the service. And you
have left out the most important ring of all, the one to stop your
drivelling at this absurd rate. Perhaps you consider that a stiffish
dose of hellebore would serve the turn?
_Ti. _ Now, positively, Lycinus, you must have a try yourself. You find
fault with everybody else; this time we should like to hear _your_
version of a really unexceptionable wish.
_Ly. _ What do I want with a wish? Here we are at the gates. What with
the valiant Samippus's single combat at Babylon, and your breakfasts in
Syria and dinners in Italy, you have used up my ground between you; and
you are heartily welcome. I have no fancy for a short-lived visionary
wealth, with the humiliating sequel of barley-bread and no butter.
That will be your fate presently. Your bliss and your wealth will take
wings; you will wake from your charming dreams of treasure and diadems,
to find that your domestic arrangements are of quite another kind, like
the actors who take the king's part in tragedies;--their late majesties
King Agamemnon and King Creon usually return to very short commons on
leaving the theatre. Some depression, some discontent at your existing
arrangements, is to be expected on the occasion. You will be the worst
off, Timolaus. Your flying-machine will come to grief, like that of
Icarus; you will descend from the skies, and foot it on the ground; and
all those rings will slip off and be lost. As for me, I am content with
the exquisite amusement afforded me by your various wishes; I would not
exchange it for all the treasure in the world, Babylon included. And
you call yourselves philosophers!
F.
DIALOGUES OF THE HETAERAE
I
_Glycera. Thais_
_Gly. _ Thais, that Acarnanian soldier, who used to be so fond of
Abrotonum, and then fell in love with me--he was decorated, and wore
a military cloak--do you know the man I mean? I suppose you have
forgotten him?
_Th. _ Oh no, dear, I know; why, he shared our table last harvest
festival. Well? you look as if you had something to tell me about him.
_Gly. _ That wicked Gorgona (such a _friend_ of mine, to be sure! )--she
has stolen him away from me.
_Th. _ What! he has given you up, and taken her in your place?
_Gly. _ Yes, dear; isn't it _horrid_ of her?
_Th. _ Well, Glycera darling, it _is_ wicked, of course; but it is not
very surprising; it is what all we poor girls do. You mustn't be too
much vexed; I shouldn't blame her, if I were you; Abrotonum never
blamed you about him, you know; and you were friends, too. But _I_
cannot think what he _finds_ in her; where are his eyes? has he never
found out how thin her hair is? what a lot of forehead she shows! and
her lips! all livid; they might be a dead woman's; and that scraggy
neck, veined all over; and what an amount of nose! I grant you she is
tall and straight; and she has quite a nice smile.
_Gly. _ Oh, Thais, you don't think it was her _looks_ caught him. Don't
you know? her mother Chrysarium is a witch; she knows Thessalian
charms, and can draw down the moon; they do say she flies o' nights. It
was she bewitched him with drugs in his drink, and now they are making
their harvest out of him.
_Th. _ Ah well, dear, you will get a harvest out of some one else; never
mind him.
H.
II
_Myrtium. Pamphilus. Doris_
_Myr. _ Well, Pamphilus? So I hear you are to marry Phido the
shipmaster's daughter,--if you have not done so already! And this is
the end of your vows and tears! All is over and forgotten! And I so
near my time! Yes, that is all I have to thank my lover for; that,
and the prospect of having a child to bring up; and you know what
that means to us poor girls. I mean to keep the child, especially if
it is a boy: it will be some comfort to me to call him after you; and
perhaps some day you will be sorry, when he comes to reproach you for
betraying his poor mother. I can't say much for the lady's looks.
I saw her only the other day, with her mother, at the Thesmophoria;
little did I know then that she was to rob me of my Pamphilus! Hadn't
you better see what she is like first? Take a good look at her eyes;
and try not to mind the colour, and the cast (she has such a squint! ).
Or no: there is no need for you to see her: you have seen Phido; you
know what a face _he_ has.
_Pa. _ How much more nonsense are you going to talk about shipowners and
marriages? What do I know about brides, ugly or pretty? If you mean
Phido of Alopece, I never knew he had a grown-up daughter at all. Why,
now I think of it, he is not even on speaking terms with my father.
They were at law not long ago--something about a shipping contract.
He owed my father a talent, I think it was, and refused to pay; so he
was had up before the Admiralty Court, and my father never got paid
in full, after all, so he said. Do you suppose if I wanted to marry I
should pass over Demeas's daughter in favour of Phido's? Demeas was
general last year, and she is my cousin on the mother's side. Who has
been telling you all this? Is it just a cobweb spun in that jealous
little brain of yours?
_Myr. _ Pamphilus! You mean to say you are _not_ going to be married?
_Pa. _ Are you mad, or what is the matter with you? We did not have much
to drink yesterday.
_Myr. _ Ask Doris; it is all her fault. I sent her out to buy some wool,
and to offer up prayer to Artemis for me. And she said that she met
Lesbia, and Lesbia ---- Doris, tell him what Lesbia said, unless you
invented it all yourself.
_Dor. _ May I die, miss, if I said a word more than the truth! Just by
the town-hall Lesbia met me, and 'Doris,' says she, smiling, 'your
young gentleman is to marry Phido's daughter. And if you don't believe
me,' says she, 'look up their street, and you will see everything
crowned with garlands, and a fine bustle going on; flutes playing, and
people singing the wedding-song. '
_Pa. _ Well; and you did?
_Dor. _ That I did, sir; and it was all as Lesbia had said.
_Pa. _ Ah, now I see! You have told your mistress nothing but the truth;
and there was some ground for what Lesbia told you. However, it is a
false alarm. The wedding is not at our house. I remember now. When
I went back home yesterday, after leaving you, 'Pamphilus,' said my
mother, 'here is neighbour Aristaenetus's son, Charmides, who is no
older than you, just going to marry and settle down: when are _you_
going to turn over a new leaf? ' And then I dropped off to sleep. I went
out early this morning, so that I saw nothing of all that Doris has
seen. If you doubt my word, Doris can go again; and look more carefully
this time, Doris; mark the house, not the street only, and you will
find that the garlands are next door.
_Myr. _ I breathe again! Pamphilus, if it had been true, I should have
killed myself!
_Pa. _ _True_, indeed! Am I mad, that I should forget Myrtium, so soon
to become the mother of my child?
F.
III
_Philinna. Her Mother_
_Mother. _ You must be mad, Philinna; what _was_ the matter with you at
the dinner last night? Diphilus was in tears this morning when he came
and told me how he had been treated. You were tipsy, he said, and made
an exhibition of yourself, dancing when he asked you not to; then you
kissed his friend Lamprias, and when Diphilus did not like that, you
left him and went and put your arms round Lamprias; and he choking
with rage all the time. And afterwards you would not go near him, but
let him cry by himself, and kept singing and teasing him.
_Phi. _ Ah, mother, he never told you how _he_ behaved; if you knew how
rude he was, you would not take his part. He neglected me and made up
to Thais, Lamprias's girl, before Lamprias came. I was angry, and let
him see what I thought of him, and then he took hold of Thais's ear,
bent her neck back and gave her--oh, such a kiss!
