No More Learning

XXXVI.

Annales Volusi, cacata charta,
Votum solvite pro mea puella:
Nam sanctae Veneri Cupidinique
Vovit, si sibi restitutus essem
Desissemque truces vibrare iambos, 5
Electissima pessimi poetae
Scripta tardipedi deo daturam
Infelicibus ustulanda lignis.
Et haec pessima se puella vidit
Iocose lepide vovere divis. 10
Nunc, o caeruleo creata ponto,
Quae sanctum Idalium Vriosque portus
Quaeque Ancona Cnidumque harundinosam
Colis quaeque Amathunta quaeque Golgos
Quaeque Durrachium Adriae tabernam, 15
Acceptum face redditumque votum,
Si non inlepidum neque invenustumst.
At vos interea venite in ignem,
Pleni ruris et inficetiarum
Annales Volusi, cacata charta. 20

XXXVI.

ON "THE ANNALS"--A SO-CALLED POEM OF VOLUSIUS.

Volusius' Annals, paper scum-bewrayed!
Fulfil that promise erst my damsel made;
Who vowed to Holy Venus and her son,
Cupid, should I return to her anon
And cease to brandish iamb-lines accurst, 5
The writ selected erst of bards the worst
She to the limping Godhead would devote
With slowly-burning wood of illest note.
This was the vilest which my girl could find
With vow facetious to the Gods assigned. 10
Now, O Creation of the azure sea,
Holy Idalium, Urian havenry
Haunting, Ancona, Cnidos' reedy site,
Amathus, Golgos, and the tavern hight
Durrachium--thine Adrian abode-- 15
The vow accepting, recognize the vowed
As not unworthy and unhandsome naught.
But do ye meanwhile to the fire be brought,
That teem with boorish jest of sorry blade,
Volusius' Annals, paper scum-bewrayed. 20

Volusius' Annals, merdous paper, fulfil ye a vow for my girl: for she vowed
to sacred Venus and to Cupid that if I were re-united to her and I desisted
hurling savage iambics, she would give the most elect writings of the
pettiest poet to the tardy-footed God to be burned with ill-omened wood.
And _this_ the saucy minx chose, jocosely and drolly to vow to the gods.
Now, O Creation of the cerulean main, who art in sacred Idalium, and in
Urian haven, and who doth foster Ancona and reedy Cnidos, Amathus and
Golgos, and Dyrrhachium, Adriatic tavern, accept and acknowledge this vow
if it lack not grace nor charm. But meantime, hence with ye to the flames,
crammed with boorish speech and vapid, Annals of Volusius, merdous paper.

XXXVII.

Salax taberna vosque contubernales,
A pileatis nona fratribus pila,
Solis putatis esse mentulas vobis,
Solis licere, quidquid est puellarum,
Confutuere et putare ceteros hircos? 5
An, continenter quod sedetis insulsi
Centum an ducenti, non putatis ausurum
Me una ducentos inrumare sessores?
Atqui putate: namque totius vobis
Frontem tabernae scorpionibus scribam. 10
Puella nam mi, quae meo sinu fugit,
Amata tantum quantum amabitur nulla,
Pro qua mihi sunt magna bella pugnata,
Consedit istic. hanc boni beatique
Omnes amatis, et quidem, quod indignumst, 15
Omnes pusilli et semitarii moechi;
Tu praeter omnes une de capillatis,
Cuniculosae Celtiberiae fili
Egnati, opaca quem bonum facit barba
Et dens Hibera defricatus urina. 20

XXXVII.

TO THE FREQUENTERS OF A LOW TAVERN.

Salacious Tavern and ye taverner-host,
From Pileate Brothers the ninth pile-post,
D'ye claim, you only of the mentule boast,
D'ye claim alone what damsels be the best
To swive: as he-goats holding all the rest? 5
Is't when like boobies sit ye incontinent here,
One or two hundred, deem ye that I fear
Two hundred ---- at one brunt?
Ay, think so, natheless all your tavern-front
With many a scorpion I will over-write. 10
For that my damsel, fro' my breast took flight,
By me so loved, as shall loved be none,
Wherefor so mighty wars were waged and won,
Does sit in public here. Ye fain, rich wights,
All woo her: thither too (the chief of slights! ) 15
All pitiful knaves and by-street wenchers fare,
And thou, (than any worse), with hanging hair,
In coney-breeding Celtiberia bred,
Egnatius! bonnified by beard full-fed,
And teeth with Spanish urine polished. 20

Tavern of lust and you its tippling crowd, (at ninth pile sign-post from
the Cap-donned Brothers) think ye that ye alone have mentules, that 'tis
allowed to you alone to touzle whatever may be feminine, and to deem all
other men mere goats? But, because ye sit, a row of fools numbering one
hundred or haply two hundred, do ye think I dare not irrumate your entire
two hundred--loungers! --at once! Think it! but I'll scrawl all over the
front of your tavern with scorpion-words. For my girl, who has fled from my
embrace (she whom I loved as ne'er a maid shall be beloved--for whom I
fought fierce fights) has seated herself here. All ye, both honest men and
rich, and also, (O cursed shame) all ye paltry back-slum fornicators, are
making hot love to her; and thou above all, one of the hairy-visaged sons
of coney-caverned Celtiberia, Egnatius, whose quality is stamped by
dense-grown beard, and teeth with Spanish urine scrubbed.

XXXVIII.

Malest, Cornifici, tuo Catullo,
Malest, me hercule, et est laboriose,
Et magis magis in dies et horas.
Quem tu, quod minimum facillimumquest,
Qua solatus es adlocutione? 5
Irascor tibi. sic meos amores?
Paulum quid lubet adlocutionis,
Maestius lacrimis Simonideis.

XXXVIII.

A COMPLAINT TO CORNIFICIUS.

Cornificius! 'Tis ill with thy Catullus,
'Tis ill (by Hercules) distressfully:
Iller and iller every day and hour.
Whose soul (as smallest boon and easiest)
With what of comfort hast thou deign'd console? 5
Wi' thee I'm angered! Dost so prize my love?
Yet some consoling utterance had been well
Though sadder 'twere than Simonidean tears.

'Tis ill, Cornificius, with thy Catullus, 'tis ill, by Hercules, and most
untoward; and greater, greater ill, each day and hour! And thou, what
solace givest thou, e'en the tiniest, the lightest, by thy words? I'm wroth
with thee. Is my love but worth this? Yet one little message would cheer
me, though more full of sadness than Simonidean tears.

XXXVIIII.

Egnatius, quod candidos habet dentes,
Renidet usque quaque. sei ad rei ventumst
Subsellium, cum orator excitat fletum,
Renidet ille. sei ad pii rogum fili
Lugetur, orba cum flet unicum mater, 5
Renidet ille. quidquid est, ubicumquest,
Quodcumque agit, renidet. hunc habet morbum,
Neque elegantem, ut arbitror, neque urbanum.
Quare monendum test mihi, bone Egnati.
Si urbanus esses aut Sabinus aut Tiburs 10
Aut fartus Vmber aut obesus Etruscus
Aut Lanuinus ater atque dentatus
Aut Transpadanus, ut meos quoque attingam,
Aut quilubet, qui puriter lavit dentes,
Tamen renidere usque quaque te nollem: 15
Nam risu inepto res ineptior nullast.
Nunc Celtiber es: Celtiberia in terra,
Quod quisque minxit, hoc sibi solet mane
Dentem atque russam defricare gingivam,
Vt quo iste vester expolitior dens est, 20
Hoc te amplius bibisse praedicet loti.

XXXVIIII.

ON EGNATIUS OF THE WHITE TEETH.

Egnatius for that owns he teeth snow-white,
Grins ever, everywhere. When placed a wight
In dock, when pleader would draw tears, the while
He grins. When pious son at funeral pile
Mourns, or lone mother sobs for sole lost son, 5
He grins. Whate'er, whene'er, howe'er is done,
Of deed he grins. Such be his malady,
Nor kind, nor courteous--so beseemeth me--
Then take thou good Egnatius, rede of mine!
Wert thou corrupt Sabine or a Tiburtine, 10
Stuffed Umbrian or Tuscan overgrown
Swarthy Lanuvian with his teeth-rows shown,
Transpadan also, that mine own I touch,
Or any washing teeth to shine o'er much,
Yet thy incessant grin I would not see, 15
For naught than laughter silly sillier be.
Thou Celtiber art, in Celtiberia born,
Where man who's urined therewith loves a-morn
His teeth and ruddy gums to scour and score;
So the more polisht are your teeth, the more 20
Argue they sipping stale in ampler store.

Egnatius, who has milk-white teeth, grins for ever and aye. An he be in
court, when counsel excites tears, he grins. An he be at funeral pyre where
one mourns a son devoted, where a bereft mother's tears stream for her only
one, he grins. Whatever it may be, wherever he is, whate'er may happen, he
grins. Such ill habit has he--neither in good taste, well assumed, nor
refined. Wherefore do thou take note from me, my good Egnatius. Be thou
refined Sabine or Tiburtine, paunch-full Umbrian or obese Tuscan, Lanuvian
dusky and large-tusked, or Transpadine (to touch upon mine own folk also),
or whom thou wilt of those who cleanly wash their teeth, still I'd wish
thee not to grin for ever and aye; for than senseless giggling nothing is
more senseless. Now thou'rt a Celtiberian! and in the Celtiberian land each
wight who has urined is wont each morn to scrub with it his teeth and pinky
gums, so that the higher the polish on thy teeth, the greater fund it notes
that thou hast drunk of urine.

XXXX.

Quaenam te mala mens, miselle Ravide,
Agit praecipitem in meos iambos?
Quis deus tibi non bene advocatus
Vecordem parat excitare rixam?
An ut pervenias in ora vulgi? 5
Quid vis? qua lubet esse notus optas?
Eris, quandoquidem meos amores
Cum longa voluisti amare poena.

XXXX.

THREATENING RAVIDUS WHO STOLE HIS MISTRESS.

What thought of folly Ravidus (poor churl! )
Upon my iambs thus would headlong hurl?
What good or cunning counsellor would fain
Urge thee to struggle in such strife insane?
Is't that the vulgar mouth thy name by rote? 5
What will'st thou? Wishest on any wise such note?
Then _shalt_ be noted since my love so lief
For love thou sued'st to thy lasting grief.

What mind ill set, O sorry Ravidus, doth thrust thee rashly on to my
iambics? What god, none advocate of good for thee, doth stir thee to a
senseless contest? That thou may'st be in the people's mouth? What would'st
thou? Dost wish to be famed, no matter in what way? So thou shalt be, since
thou hast aspired to our loved one's love, but by our long-drawn vengeance.

XXXXI.

Ametina puella defututa
Tota milia me decem poposcit,
Ista turpiculo puella naso,
Decoctoris amica Formiani.
Propinqui, quibus est puella curae, 5
Amicos medicosque convocate:
Non est sana puella. nec rogate,
Qualis sit: solet esse imaginosa.

XXXXI.

ON MAMURRA'S MISTRESS.

That Ametina, worn-out whore,
Me for a myriad oft would bore,
That strumpet of th' ignoble nose,
To leman, rakehell Formian chose.
An ye would guard her (kinsmen folk) 5
Your friends and leaches d'ye convoke:
The girl's not sound-sens'd; ask ye naught
Of her complaint: she's love-distraught.

Ametina, out-drained maiden, worries me for a whole ten thousand, that
damsel with an outspread nose, _chere amie_ of Formianus the wildling. Ye
near of kin in whose care the maiden is, summon ye both friends and
medicals: for the girl's not sane. Nor ask ye, in what way: she is subject
to delusions.

XXXXII.

Adeste, hendecasyllabi, quot estis
Omnes undique, quotquot estis omnes.
Iocum me putat esse moecha turpis
Et negat mihi nostra reddituram
Pugillaria, si pati potestis. 5
Persequamur eam, et reflagitemus.
Quae sit, quaeritis. illa, quam videtis
Turpe incedere, mimice ac moleste
Ridentem catuli ore Gallicani.
Circumsistite eam, et reflagitate, 10
'Moecha putida, redde codicillos,
Redde, putida moecha, codicillos. '
Non assis facis? o lutum, lupanar,
Aut si perditius potest quid esse.
Sed non est tamen hoc satis putandum. 15
Quod si non aliud potest, ruborem
Ferreo canis exprimamus ore.
Conclamate iterum altiore voce
'Moecha putida, redde codicillos,
Redde, putida moecha, codicillos. ' 20
Sed nil proficimus, nihil movetur.
Mutandast ratio modusque vobis,
Siquid proficere amplius potestis,
'Pudica et proba, redde codicillos. '

XXXXII.

ON A STRUMPET WHO STOLE HIS TABLETS.

Come, Hendecasyllabics, many as may
All hither, every one that of you be!
That fulsome harlot makes me laughing-stock
And she refuses at our prayer restore
Our stolen Note-books, an such slights ye bear. 5
Let us pursue her clamouring our demands.
"Who's she? " ye question: yonder one ye sight
Mincingly pacing mime-like, perfect pest,
With jaws wide grinning like a Gallic pup.
Stand all round her dunning with demands, 10
"Return (O rotten whore! ) our noting books.
Our noting books (O rotten whore! ) return! "
No doit thou car'st? O Mire! O Stuff o' stews!
Or if aught fouler filthier dirt there be.
Yet must we never think these words suffice. 15
But if naught else avail, at least a blush
Forth of that bitch-like brazen brow we'll squeeze.
Cry all together in a higher key
"Restore (O rotten whore! ) our noting books,
Our noting books (O rotten whore! ) restore! " 20
Still naught avails us, nothing is she moved.
Now must our measures and our modes be changed
An we would anywise our cause advance.
"Restore (chaste, honest Maid! ) our noting books! "

Hither, all ye hendecasyllables, as many as may be, from every part, all of
ye, as many soever as there be! A shameless prostitute deems me fair sport,
and denies return to me of our writing tablets, if ye are able to endure
this. Let's after her, and claim them back. "Who may she be," ye ask? That
one, whom ye see strutting awkwardly, stagily, and stiffly, and with a
laugh on her mouth like a Gallic whelp. Throng round her, and claim them
back. "O putrid punk, hand back our writing tablets; hand back, O putrid
punk, our writing tablets. " Not a jot dost heed? O Muck, Brothel-Spawn, or
e'en loathsomer if it is possible so to be! Yet think not yet that this is
enough. For if naught else we can extort a blush on thy brazened bitch's
face. We'll yell again in heightened tones, "O putrid punk, hand back our
writing tablets, hand back, O putrid punk, our writing tablets. " But naught
we profit, naught she budges. Changed must your measure and your manner be,
an you would further progress make--"O Virgin pure and spotless, hand back
our writing tablets. "

XXXXIII.

Salve, nec minimo puella naso
Nec bello pede nec nigris ocellis
Nec longis digitis nec ore sicco
Nec sane nimis elegante lingua,
Decoctoris amica Formiani. 5
Ten provincia narrat esse bellam?
Tecum Lesbia nostra conparatur?
O saeclum insapiens et infacetum!

XXXXIII.

TO MAMURRA'S MISTRESS.

Hail, girl who neither nose of minim size
Owns, nor a pretty foot, nor jetty eyes,
Nor thin long fingers, nor mouth dry of slaver
Nor yet too graceful tongue of pleasant flavour,
Leman to Formian that rake-a-hell. 5
What, can the Province boast of thee as belle?
Thee with my Lesbia durst it make compare?
O Age insipid, of all humour bare!

Hail, O maiden with nose not of the tiniest, with foot lacking shape and
eyes lacking darkness, with fingers scant of length, and mouth not dry and
tongue scant enough of elegance, _chere amie_ of Formianus the wildling.
And thee the province declares to be lovely? With thee our Lesbia is to be
compared? O generation witless and unmannerly!

XXXXIIII.

O funde noster seu Sabine seu Tiburs,
(Nam te esse Tiburtem autumant, quibus non est
Cordi Catullum laedere: at quibus cordist,
Quovis Sabinum pignore esse contendunt)
Sed seu Sabine sive verius Tiburs, 5
Fui libenter in tua suburbana
Villa malamque pectore expuli tussim,
Non inmerenti quam mihi meus venter,
Dum sumptuosas adpeto, dedit, cenas.
Nam, Sestianus dum volo esse conviva, 10
Orationem in Antium petitorem
Plenam veneni et pestilentiae legi.
Hic me gravido frigida et frequens tussis
Quassavit usque dum in tuum sinum fugi
Et me recuravi otioque et urtica. 15
Quare refectus maximas tibi grates
Ago, meum quod non es ulta peccatum.
Nec deprecor iam, si nefaria scripta
Sesti recepso, quin gravidinem et tussim
Non mi, sed ipsi Sestio ferat frigus, 20
Qui tum vocat me, cum malum librum legi.

XXXXIIII.

CATULLUS TO HIS OWN FARM.

O Farm our own, Sabine or Tiburtine,
(For style thee "Tiburs" who have not at heart
To hurt Catullus, whereas all that have
Wage any wager thou be Sabine classed)
But whether Sabine or of Tiburs truer 5
To thy suburban Cottage fared I fain
And fro' my bronchials drave that cursed cough
Which not unmerited on me my maw,
A-seeking sumptuous banquetings, bestowed.
For I requesting to be Sestius' guest 10
Read against claimant Antius a speech,
Full-filled with poisonous pestilential trash.
Hence a grave frigid rheum and frequent cough
Shook me till fled I to thy bosom, where
Repose and nettle-broth healed all my ills. 15
Wherefore recruited now best thanks I give
To thee for nowise punishing my sins:
Nor do I now object if noisome writs
Of Sestius hear I, but that cold and cough
And rheum may plague, not me, but Sestius' self 20
Who asks me only his ill writs to read.

O, Homestead of ours, whether Sabine or Tiburtine (for that thou'rt
Tiburtine folk concur, in whose heart 'tis not to wound Catullus; but those
in whose heart 'tis, will wager anything thou'rt Sabine) but whether Sabine
or more truly Tiburtine, o'erjoyed was I to be within thy rural
country-home, and to cast off an ill cough from my chest, which--not
unearned--my belly granted me, for grasping after sumptuous feeds. For, in
my wish to be Sestius' guest, his defence against the plaintiff Antius,
crammed with venom and pestilent dulness, did I read through. Hence a chill
heavy rheum and fitful cough shattered me continually until I fled to thine
asylum, and brought me back to health with rest and nettle-broth.
Wherefore, re-manned, I give thee utmost thanks, that thou hast not avenged
my fault.
Nor do I pray now for aught but that, should I re-take Sestius'
nefarious script, its frigid vapidness may bring a cold and cough to
Sestius' self; for he but invites me when I read dull stuff.

XXXXV.

Acmen Septumius suos amores
Tenens in gremio 'mea' inquit 'Acme,
Ni te perdite amo atque amare porro
Omnes sum adsidue paratus annos
Quantum qui pote plurimum perire, 5
Solus in Libya Indiave tosta
Caesio veniam obvius leoni. '
Hoc ut dixit, Amor, sinistra ut ante,
Dextra sternuit adprobationem.
At Acme leviter caput reflectens 10
Et dulcis pueri ebrios ocellos
Illo purpureo ore saviata
'Sic' inquit 'mea vita Septumille,
Huic uni domino usque serviamus,
Vt multo mihi maior acriorque 15
Ignis mollibus ardet in medullis. '
Hoc ut dixit, Amor, sinistra ut ante,
Dextra sternuit adprobationem.
Nunc ab auspicio bono profecti
Mutuis animis amant amantur. 20
Vnam Septumius misellus Acmen
Mavolt quam Syrias Britanniasque:
Vno in Septumio fidelis Acme
Facit delicias libidinesque.
Quis ullos homines beatiores 25
Vidit, quis Venerem auspicatiorem?

XXXXV.

ON ACME AND SEPTUMIUS.

To Acme quoth Septumius who his fere
Held on his bosom--"Acme, mine! next year,
Unless I love thee fondlier than before,
And with each twelve month love thee more and more,
As much as lover's life can slay with yearning, 5
Alone in Lybia, or Hind's clime a-burning,
Be mine to encounter Lion grisly-eyed! "
While he was speaking Love on leftward side
(As wont) approving sneeze from dextral sped.
But Acme backwards gently bending head, 10
And the love-drunken eyes of her sweet boy
Kissing with yonder rosy mouth, "My joy,"
She murmured, "my life-love Septumillus mine!
Unto one master's hest let's aye incline,
As burns with fuller and with fiercer fire 15
In my soft marrow set, this love-desire! "
While she was speaking, Love from leftward side
(As wont) with sneeze approving rightwards hied.
Now with boon omens wafted on their way,
In mutual fondness, love and loved are they. 20
Love-sick Septumius holds one Acme's love,
Of Syrias or either Britains high above,
Acme to one Septumius full of faith
Her love and love-liesse surrendereth.
Who e'er saw mortals happier than these two? 25
Who e'er a better omened Venus knew?

Septumius clasping Acme his adored to his bosom, "Acme mine," quoth he, "if
thee I love not to perdition, nor am prepared to love through all the
future years moreover without cease, as greatly and distractedly as man
may,--alone in Libya or in torrid India may I oppose a steel-eyed lion. " As
thus he said, Love, leftwards as before, with approbation rightwards
sneezed. Then Acme slightly bending back her head, and the swimming eyes of
her sweet boy with rose-red lips a-kissing, "So," quoth she, "my life,
Septumillus, this Lord unique let us serve for aye, as more forceful in me
burns the fire greater and keener 'midst my soft marrow. " As thus she said,
Love, leftwards as before, with approbation rightwards sneezed. Now with
good auspice urged along, with mutual minds they love and are beloved. The
thrall o' love Septumius his only Acme far would choose, than Tyrian or
Britannian realms: the faithful Acme with Septumius unique doth work her
love delights and wantonings. Whoe'er has seen folk blissfuller, whoe'er a
more propitious union?

XXXXVI.

Iam ver egelidos refert tepores,
Iam caeli furor aequinoctialis
Iocundis Zephyri silescit aureis.
Linquantur Phrygii, Catulle, campi
Nicaeaeque ager uber aestuosae: 5
Ad claras Asiae volemus urbes.
Iam mens praetrepidans avet vagari,
Iam laeti studio pedes vigescunt.
O dulces comitum valete coetus,
Longe quos simul a domo profectos 10
Diversae variae viae reportant.

XXXXVI.

HIS ADIEUX TO BITHYNIA.

Now Spring his cooly mildness brings us back,
Now th' equinoctial heaven's rage and wrack
Hushes at hest of Zephyr's bonny breeze.
Far left (Catullus! ) be the Phrygian leas
And summery Nicaea's fertile downs: 5
Fly we to Asia's fame-illumined towns.
Now lust my fluttering thoughts for wayfare long,
Now my glad eager feet grow steady, strong.
O fare ye well, my comrades, pleasant throng,
Ye who together far from homesteads flying, 10
By many various ways come homewards hieing.

Now springtide brings back its mild and tepid airs, now the heaven's fury
equinoctial is calmed by Zephyr's benign breath. The Phrygian meadows are
left behind, O Catullus, and the teeming fields of sun-scorched Nicaea: to
the glorious Asian cities let us haste. Now my palpitating soul craves
wander, now my feet grow vigorous with glad zeal. O charming circlet of
comrades, fare ye well, who are together met from distant homes to which
divers sundered ways lead back.

XXXXVII.

Porci et Socration, duae sinistrae
Pisonis, scabies famesque mundi
Vos Veraniolo meo et Fabullo
Verpus praeposuit Priapus ille?
Vos convivia lauta sumptuose 5
De die facitis? mei sodales
Quaerunt in trivio vocationes?

XXXXVII.

TO PORCIUS AND SOCRATION.

Porcius and Socration, pair sinister
Of Piso, scabs and starvelings of the world,
You to Fabullus and my Verianolus,
Hath dared yon snipt Priapus to prefer?
Upon rich banquets sumptuously spread 5
Still gorge you daily while my comrades must
Go seek invitals where the three roads fork?

Porcius and Socration, twins in rascality of Piso, scurf and famisht of the
earth, you before my Veraniolus and Fabullus has that prepuce-lacking
Priapus placed? Shall you betimes each day in luxurious opulence banquet?
And must my cronies quest for dinner invitations, [lounging] where the
three cross-roads meet?

XXXXVIII.

Mellitos oculos tuos, Iuventi,
Siquis me sinat usque basiare,
Vsque ad milia basiem trecenta,
Nec umquam videar satur futurus,
Non si densior aridis aristis 5
Sit nostrae seges osculationis.

XXXXVIII.

TO JUVENTIUS.

Those honied eyes of thine (Juventius! )
If any suffer me sans stint to buss,
I'd kiss of kisses hundred thousands three,
Nor ever deem I'd reach satiety,
Not albe denser than dried wheat-ears show 5
The kissing harvests our embraces grow.

Thine honey-sweet eyes, O Juventius, had I the leave to kiss for aye, for
aye I'd kiss e'en to three hundred thousand kisses, nor ever should I reach
to future plenity, not even if thicker than dried wheat sheaves be the
harvest of our kisses.

XXXXVIIII.

Disertissime Romuli nepotum,
Quot sunt quotque fuere, Marce Tulli,
Quotque post aliis erunt in annis,
Gratias tibi maximas Catullus
Agit pessimus omnium poeta, 5
Tanto pessimus omnium poeta
Quanto tu optimus omnium patronus.

XXXXVIIII.

TO MARCUS TULLIUS CICERO.

Most eloquent 'mid race of Romulus
That is or ever was (Marc Tullius! )
Or in the coming years the light shall see,
His thanks, the warmest, offers unto thee
Catullus, poet sorriest that be, 5
And by such measure poet sorriest,
As thou of pleaders art the bestest best.

Most eloquent of Romulus' descendancy, who are, who have been, O Marcus
Tullius, and who shall later be in after time, to thee doth give his
greatest gratitude Catullus, pettiest of all the poets,--and so much
pettiest of all the poets as thou art peerless 'mongst all pleaders.

L.

Hesterno, Licini, die otiosi
Multum lusimus in meis tabellis,
Vt convenerat esse delicatos.
Scribens versiculos uterque nostrum
Ludebat numero modo hoc modo illoc, 5
Reddens mutua per iocum atque vinum.
Atque illinc abii tuo lepore
Incensus, Licini, facetiisque,
Vt nec me miserum cibus iuvaret,
Nec somnus tegeret quiete ocellos, 10
Sed toto indomitus furore lecto
Versarer cupiens videre lucem,
Vt tecum loquerer, simulque ut essem.
At defessa labore membra postquam
Semimortua lectulo iacebant, 15
Hoc, iocunde, tibi poema feci,
Ex quo perspiceres meum dolorem.
Nunc audax cave sis, precesque nostras,
Oramus, cave despuas, ocelle,
Ne poenas Nemesis reposcat a te. 20
Est vemens dea: laedere hanc caveto.

L.

TO HIS FRIEND LICINIUS.

Idly (Licinius! ) we our yesterday,
Played with my tablets much as pleased us play,
In mode becoming souls of dainty strain.
Inditing verses either of us twain
Now in one measure then in other line 5
We rang the changes amid wit and wine.
Then fared I homewards by thy fun so fired
And by thy jests (Licinius! ) so inspired,
Nor food my hapless appetite availed
Nor sleep in quiet rest my eyelids veiled, 10
But o'er the bedstead wild in furious plight
I tossed a-longing to behold the light,
So I might talk wi' thee, and be wi' thee.
But when these wearied limbs from labour free
Were on my couchlet strewn half-dead to lie, 15
For thee (sweet wag! ) this poem for thee wrote I,
Whereby thou mete and weet my cark and care.
Now be not over-bold, nor this our prayer
Outspit thou (apple of mine eyes! ): we pray
Lest doom thee Nemesis hard pain repay:-- 20
She's a dire Goddess, 'ware thou cross her way.

Yestreen, Licinius, in restful day, much mirthful verse we flashed upon my
tablets, as became us, men of fancy. Each jotting versicles in turn sported
first in this metre then in that, exchanging mutual epigrams 'midst jokes
and wine. But I departed thence, afire, Licinius, with thy wit and
drolleries, so that food was useless to my wretched self; nor could sleep
close mine eyes in quiet, but all o'er the bed in restless fury did I toss,
longing to behold daylight that with thee I might speak, and again we might
be together. But afterwards, when my limbs, weakened by my restless
labours, lay stretched in semi-death upon the bed, this poem, O jocund one,
I made for thee, from which thou mayst perceive my dolour. Now 'ware thee
of presumptuousness, and our pleadings 'ware thee of rejecting, we pray
thee, eye-babe of ours, lest Nemesis exact her dues from thee. She is a
forceful Goddess; 'ware her wrath.

LI.

Ille mi par esse deo videtur,
Ille, si fas est, superare divos,
Qui sedens adversus identidem te
Spectat et audit
Dulce ridentem, misero quod omnis 5
Eripit sensus mihi: nam simul te,
Lesbia, aspexi, nihil est super mi
* * * *
Lingua sed torpet, tenuis sub artus
Flamma demanat, sonitu suopte 10
Tintinant aures geminae, teguntur
Lumina nocte.

LIb.

Otium, Catulle, tibi molestumst:
Otio exultas nimiumque gestis. 15
Otium et reges prius et beatas
Perdidit urbes.

LI.

TO LESBIA.

Peer of a God meseemeth he,
Nay passing Gods (and that can be! )
Who all the while sits facing thee
Sees thee and hears
Thy low sweet laughs which (ah me! ) daze 5
Mine every sense, and as I gaze
Upon thee (Lesbia! ) o'er me strays
* * * *
My tongue is dulled, my limbs adown
Flows subtle flame; with sound its own 10
Rings either ear, and o'er are strown
Mine eyes with night.

LIb.

Ease has thy lot, Catullus, crost,
Ease gladdens thee at heaviest cost, 15
Ease killed the Kings ere this and lost
The tallest towns.

He to me to be peer to a god doth seem, he, if such were lawful, to
o'er-top the gods, who sitting oft a-front of thee doth gaze on thee, and
doth listen to thine laughter lovely, which doth snatch away from sombre me
mine every sense: for instant falls my glance on thee, Lesbia, naught is
left to me [of voice], but my tongue is numbed, a keen-edged flame spreads
through my limbs, with sound self-caused my twin ears sing, and mine eyes
are enwrapped with night.

Sloth, O Catullus, to thee is hurtful: in sloth beyond measure dost thou
exult and pass thy life. Sloth hath erewhile ruined rulers and gladsome
cities.

LII.

Quid est, Catulle? quid moraris emori?
Sella in curuli struma Nonius sedet,
Per consulatum peierat Vatinius:
Quid est, Catulle? quid moraris emori?

LII.

CATULLUS TO HIMSELF.

What is't, Catullus? Why delay to out die?
That Wen hight Nonius sits in curule chair,
For Consulship Vatinius false doth swear;
What is't, Catullus? Why delay to out die?

Prithee Catullus, why delay thine death? Nonius the tumour is seated in the
curule chair, Vatinius forswears himself for consul's rank: prithee
Catullus, why delay thine death?

LIII.

Risi nescioquem modo e corona,
Qui, cum mirifice Vatiniana
Meus crimina Calvos explicasset,
Admirans ait haec manusque tollens,
'Di magni, salaputium disertum! ' 5

LIII.

A JEST CONCERNING CALVUS.

I laughed at one 'mid Forum-crowd unknown
Who, when Vatinius' crimes in wondrous way
Had by my Calvus been explained, exposed,
His hand upraising high admiring cried
"Great Gods! the loquent little Doodle-diddle! " 5

I laughed at I know not whom in the crowded court who, when with admirable
art Vatinius' crimes my Calvus had set forth, with hands uplifted and
admiring mien thus quoth "Great Gods, the fluent little Larydoodle! "

LIIII.

Othonis caput oppidost pusillum
* * * *
Neri rustica semilauta crura,
Subtile et leve peditum Libonis.
* * * *
Si non omnia displicere vellem
Tibi et Fuficio seni recocte 5

LIIIIb.

Irascere iterum meis iambis
Inmerentibus, unice imperator.

LIIII.

TO JULIUS CAESAR. (? )

The head of Otho, puniest of pates
* * * *
The rustic half-washt shanks of Nerius
And Libo's subtle silent fizzling-farts.
* * * *
I wish that leastwise these should breed disgust
In thee and old Fuficius, rogue twice-cookt. 5

LIIIIb.

Again at these mine innocent iamb-lines
Wi' wrath be wrothest; unique Emperor!

Otho's head is paltry past all phrase * * * the uncouth semi-soaped shanks
of Nerius, the slender soundless fizzlings of Libo * * * if not all things
I wish would displease thee and Fuficius, the white-headed and
green-tailed.

Anew thou shalt be enraged at my harmless iambics, emperor unique.

LV.

Oramus, si forte non molestumst,
Demostres, ubi sint tuae tenebrae.
Te campo quaesivimus minore,
Te in circo, te in omnibus libellis,
Te in templo summi Iovis sacrato. 5
In Magni simul ambulatione
Femellas omnes, amice, prendi,
Quas vultu vidi tamen serenas.
A, vel te sic ipse flagitabam,
'Camerium mihi, pessimae puellae. ' 10
Quaedam inquit, nudum sinum reducens,
'En heic in roseis latet papillis. '
Sed te iam ferre Herculei labos est. 13
Non custos si fingar ille Cretum, 23
Non si Pegaseo ferar volatu,
Non Ladas ego pinnipesve Perseus, 25
Non Rhesi nivea citaque biga:
Adde huc plumipedes volatilesque,
Ventorumque simul require cursum:
Quos cunctos, Cameri, mihi dicares,
Defessus tamen omnibus medullis 30
Et multis langoribus peresus
Essem te mihi, amice, quaeritando. 32
Tanto ten fastu negas, amice? 14
Dic nobis ubi sis futurus, ede
Audacter, conmitte, crede lucei.
Num te lacteolae tenent puellae?
Si linguam clauso tenes in ore,
Fructus proicies amoris omnes:
Verbosa gaudet Venus loquella. 20
Vel si vis, licet obseres palatum,
Dum vostri sim particeps amoris.

LV.

OF HIS FRIEND CAMERIUS.

We pray, an' haply irk it not when prayed,
Show us where shadowed hidest thou in shade!
Thee throughout Campus Minor sought we all,
Thee in the Circus, thee in each bookstall,
Thee in Almighty Jove's fane consecrate. 5
Nor less in promenade titled from The Great
(Friend! ) I accosted each and every quean,
But mostly madams showing mien serene,
For thee I pestered all with many pleas--
"Give me Camerius, wanton baggages! " 10
Till answered certain one a-baring breasts
"Lo, 'twixt these rosy paps he haply rests! "
But now to find thee were Herculean feat. 13
Not if I feigned me that guard of Crete, 23
Not if with Pegasean wing I sped,
Or Ladas I or Perseus plumiped, 25
Or Rhesus borne in swifty car snow-white:
Add the twain foot-bewing'd and fast of flight,
And of the cursive winds require the blow:
All these (Camerius! ) couldst on me bestow.
Tho' were I wearied to each marrow bone 30
And by many o' languors clean forgone
Yet I to seek thee (friend! ) would still assay. 32
In such proud lodging (friend) wouldst self denay? 14
Tell us where haply dwell'st thou, speak outright,
Be bold and risk it, trusting truth to light,
Say do these milk-white girls thy steps detain?
If aye in tight-sealed lips thy tongue remain,
All Amor's fruitage thou shalt cast away:
Verbose is Venus, loving verbal play! 20
But, an it please thee, padlockt palate bear,
So in your friendship I have partner-share.

We beg, if maybe 'tis not untoward, thou'lt shew us where may be thine
haunt sequestered. Thee did we quest within the Lesser Fields, thee in the
Circus, thee in every bookshop, thee in holy fane of highmost Jove. In
promenade yclept "The Great," the crowd of cocottes straightway did I stop,
O friend, accosting those whose looks I noted were unruffled. And for thee
loudly did I clamour, "Restore to me Camerius, most giddy girls. " Quoth
such-an-one, her bosom bare a-shewing, "Look! 'twixt rose-red paps he
shelters him. " But labour 'tis of Hercules thee now to find. Not were I
framed the Cretan guard, nor did I move with Pegasean wing, nor were I
Ladas, or Persius with the flying foot, or Rhesus with swift and snowy
team: to these add thou the feathery-footed and winged ones, ask likewise
fleetness of the winds: which all united, O Camerius, couldst thou me
grant, yet exhausted in mine every marrow and with many a faintness
consumed should I be in my quest for thee, O friend. Why withdraw thyself
in so much pride, O friend? Tell us where thou wilt be found, declare it
boldly, give up the secret, trust it to the light. What, do the milk-white
maidens hold thee? If thou dost hold thy tongue closed up in mouth, thou
squanderest Love's every fruit: for Venus joys in many-worded babblings.
Yet if thou wishest, thou mayst bar thy palate, if I may be a sharer in thy
love.

LVI.

Orem ridiculam, Cato, et iocosam
Dignamque auribus et tuo cachinno.
Ride, quidquid amas, Cato, Catullum:
Res est ridicula et nimis iocosa.
Deprendi modo pupulum puellae 5
Trusantem: hunc ego, si placet Dionae,
Protelo rigida mea cecidi.

LVI.

TO CATO, DESCRIBING A "BLACK JOKER. "

O risible matter (Cato! ) and jocose,
Digne of thy hearing, of thy sneering digne.
Laugh (Cato! ) an thou love Catullus thine;
The thing is risible, nay, too jocose.
Erstwhile I came upon a lad who a lass 5
Was ---- and (so please it Dion! ) I
Pierced him with stiffest staff and did him die.

O thing ridiculous, Cato, and facetious, and worthy of thine ears and of
thy laughter. Laugh, Cato, the more thou lovest Catullus: the thing is
ridiculous, and beyond measure facetious. Just now I caught a boy
a-thrusting in a girl: and on him (so please you, Dione) with rigid spear
of mine I fell.

LVII.

Pulcre convenit inprobis cinaedis,
Mamurrae pathicoque Caesarique.