No More Learning

_ All were complete, sir, if S. Andre would make steps to them.

_Brain. _ Nay, thanks to my genius, that care's over: you shall see,
you shall see. But first the air. [_Sings. _] Is it not very fine? Ha,
messieurs!

_Limb. _ The close of it is the most ravishing I ever heard!

_Brain. _ I dwell not on your commendations. What say you, sir? [_To_
WOOD. ] Is it not admirable? Do you enter into it?

_Wood. _ Most delicate cadence!

_Brain. _ Gad, I think so, without vanity. Battist and I have but one
soul. But the close, the close! [_Sings it thrice over. _] I have words
too upon the air; but I am naturally so bashful!

_Wood. _ Will you oblige me, sir?

_Brain. _ You might command me, sir; for I sing too _en cavalier:_
but--

_Limb. _ But you would be entreated, and say, _Nolo, nolo, nolo,_ three
times, like any bishop, when your mouth waters at the diocese.

_Brain. _ I have no voice; but since this gentleman commands me, let
the words commend themselves. [_Sings. _
_My Phillis is charming--_

_Limb. _ But why, of all names, would you chuse a Phillis? There have
been so many Phillises in songs, I thought there had not been another
left, for love or money.

_Brain. _ If a man should listen to a fop! [_Sings. _
_My Phillis--_

_Aldo. _ Before George, I am on t'other side: I think, as good no song,
as no Phillis.

_Brain. _ Yet again! --_My Phillis--_ [_Sings. _

_Limb. _ Pray, for my sake, let it be your Chloris.

_Brain. _ [_Looking scornfully at him. _] _My Phillis--_ [_Sings. _

_Limb. _ You had as good call her your Succuba.

_Brain. _ _Morbleu! _ will you not give me leave? I am full of Phillis.
[_Sings. _] _My Phillis--_

_Limb. _ Nay, I confess, Phillis is a very pretty name.

_Brain. _ _Diable! _ Now I will not sing, to spite you. By the world,
you are not worthy of it. Well, I have a gentleman's fortune; I have
courage, and make no inconsiderable figure in the world: yet I would
quit my pretensions to all these, rather than not be author of this
sonnet, which your rudeness has irrevocably lost.

_Limb. _ Some foolish French _quelque chose_, I warrant you.

_Brain. _ _Quelque chose! _ O ignorance, in supreme perfection! he means
a _kek shose_[9].

_Limb. _ Why a _kek shoes_ let it be then! and a _kek shoes_ for your
song.

_Brain. _ I give to the devil such a judge. Well, were I to be born
again, I would as soon be the elephant, as a wit; he's less a monster
in this age of malice. I could burn my sonnet, out of rage.

_Limb. _ You may use your pleasure with your own.

_Wood. _ His friends would not suffer him: Virgil was not permitted to
burn his Æneids.

_Brain. _ Dear sir, I'll not die ungrateful for your approbation.
[_Aside to_ WOOD. ] You see this fellow? he is an ass already; he has a
handsome mistress, and you shall make an ox of him ere long.

_Wood. _ Say no more, it shall be done.

_Limb. _ Hark you, Mr Woodall; this fool Brainsick grows insupportable;
he's a public nuisance; but I scorn to set my wit against him: he has
a pretty wife: I say no more; but if you do not graff him--

_Wood. _ A word to the wise: I shall consider him, for your sake.

_Limb. _ Pray do, sir: consider him much.

_Wood. _ Much is the word. --This feud makes well for me. [_Aside. _

_Brain. _ [_To_ WOOD. ] I'll give you the opportunity, and rid you of
him. --Come away, little Limberham; you, and I, and father Aldo, will
take a turn together in the square.

_Aldo. _ We will follow you immediately.

_Limb. _ Yes, we will come after you, bully Brainsick: but I hope you
will not draw upon us there.

_Brain. _ If you fear that, Bilbo shall be left behind.

_Limb. _ Nay, nay, leave but your madrigal behind: draw not that upon
us, and it is no matter for your sword. [_Exit_ BRAIN.

_Enter_ TRICKSY, _and_ MRS BRAINSICK, _with a note for each. _

_Wood. _ [_Aside. _] Both together! either of them, apart, had been my
business: but I shall never play well at this three-hand game.

_Limb. _ O Pug, how have you been passing your time?

_Trick. _ I have been looking over the last present of orange gloves
you made me; and methinks I do not like the scent. --O Lord, Mr
Woodall, did you bring those you wear from Paris?

_Wood. _ Mine are Roman, madam.

_Trick. _ The scent I love, of all the world. Pray let me see them.

_Mrs Brain. _ Nay, not both, good Mrs Tricksy; for I love that scent as
well as you.

_Wood. _ [_Pulling them off, and giving each one. _] I shall find two
dozen more of women's gloves among my trifles, if you please to accept
them, ladies.

_Trick. _ Look to it; we shall expect them. --Now to put in my
_billet-doux! _

_Mrs Brain. _ So, now, I have the opportunity to thrust in my note.

_Trick. _ Here, sir, take your glove again; the perfume's too strong
for me.

_Mrs Brain. _ Pray take the other to it; though I should have kept it
for a pawn. [Mrs BRAINSICK'S _note falls out,_ LIMB. _takes it up. _

_Limb. _ What have we here? [_Reads. _] for Mr Woodall!

_Both Women. _ Hold, hold, Mr Limberham! [_They snatch it. _

_Aldo. _ Before George, son Limberham, you shall read it.

_Wood. _ By your favour, sir, but he must not.

_Trick. _ He'll know my hand, and I am ruined!

_Mrs Brain. _ Oh, my misfortune! Mr Woodall, will you suffer your
secrets to be discovered!

_Wood. _ It belongs to one of them, that's certain. --Mr Limberham, I
must desire you to restore this letter; it is from my mistress.

_Trick. _ The devil's in him; will he confess?

_Wood. _ This paper was sent me from her this morning; and I was so
fond of it, that I left it in my glove: If one of the ladies had found
it there, I should have been laughed at most unmercifully.

_Mrs Brain. _ That's well come off!

_Limb. _ My heart was at my mouth, for fear it had been Pug's.
[_Aside. _]--There 'tis again--Hold, hold; pray let me see it once
more: a mistress, said you?

_Aldo. _ Yes, a mistress, sir. I'll be his voucher, he has a mistress,
and a fair one too.

_Limb. _ Do you know it, father Aldo.

_Aldo. _ Know it! I know the match is as good as made already: old
Woodall and I are all one. You, son, were sent for over on purpose;
the articles for her jointure are all concluded, and a friend of mine
drew them.

_Limb. _ Nay, if father Aldo knows it, I am satisfied.

_Aldo. _ But how came you by this letter, son Woodall? let me examine
you.

_Wood. _ Came by it! (pox, he has _non-plus'd_ me! ) How do you say I
came by it, father Aldo?

_Aldo. _ Why, there's it, now. This morning I met your mistress's
father, Mr you know who--

_Wood. _ Mr who, sir?

_Aldo. _ Nay, you shall excuse me for that; but we are intimate: his
name begins with some vowel or consonant, no matter which: Well, her
father gave me this very numerical letter, subscribed, for Mr.
Woodall.

_Limb. _ Before George, and so it is.

_Aldo. _ Carry me this letter, quoth he, to your son Woodall; 'tis from
my daughter such a one, and then whispered me her name.

_Wood. _ Let me see; I'll read it once again.

_Limb.
_ What, are you not acquainted with the contents of it?

_Wood. _ O, your true lover will read you over a letter from his
mistress, a thousand times.

_Trick. _ Ay, two thousand, if he be in the humour.

_Wood. _ Two thousand! then it must be hers. [_Reads to himself. _]
"Away to your chamber immediately, and I'll give my fool the
slip. "--The fool! that may be either the keeper, or the husband; but
commonly the keeper is the greater. Humh! without subscription! it
must be Tricksy. --Father Aldo, pr'ythee rid me of this coxcomb.

_Aldo. _ Come, son Limberham, we let our friend Brainsick walk too long
alone: Shall we follow him? we must make haste; for I expect a whole
bevy of whores, a chamber-full of temptation this afternoon: 'tis my
day of audience.

_Limb. _ Mr Woodall, we leave you here--you remember?
[_Exeunt_ LIMB. _and_ ALDO.

_Wood. _ Let me alone. --Ladies, your servant; I have a little private
business with a friend of mine.

_Mrs Brain. _ Meaning me. --Well, sir, your servant.

_Trick. _ Your servant, till we meet again. [_Exeunt severally. _


SCENE II. --_Mr_ WOODALL'S _Chamber. _

_Mrs_ BRAINSICK _alone. _

_Mrs Brain. _ My note has taken, as I wished: he will be here
immediately. If I could but resolve to lose no time, out of modesty;
but it is his part to be violent, for both our credits. Never so
little force and ruffling, and a poor weak woman is excused.
[_Noise. _] Hark, I hear him coming. --Ah me! the steps beat double: He
comes not alone. If it should be my husband with him! where shall I
hide myself? I see no other place, but under his bed: I must lie as
silently as my fear will suffer me. Heaven send me safe again to my
own chamber! [_Creeps under the Bed. _

_Enter_ WOODALL _and_ TRICKSY.

_Wood. _ Well, fortune at the last is favourable, and now you are my
prisoner.

_Trick. _ After a quarter of an hour, I suppose, I shall have my
liberty upon easy terms. But pray let us parley a little first.

_Wood. _ Let it be upon the bed then. Please you to sit?

_Trick. _ No matter where; I am never the nearer to your wicked
purpose. But you men are commonly great comedians in love-matters;
therefore you must swear, in the first place--

_Wood. _ Nay, no conditions: The fortress is reduced to extremity; and
you must yield upon discretion, or I storm.

_Trick. _ Never to love any other woman.

_Wood. _ I kiss the book upon it. [_Kisses her. Mrs_ BRAIN. _pinches
him from underneath the Bed. _] Oh, are you at your love-tricks
already? If you pinch me thus, I shall bite your lip.

_Trick. _ I did not pinch you: But you are apt, I see, to take any
occasion of gathering up more close to me. --Next, you shall not so
much as look on Mrs Brainsick.

_Wood. _ Have you done? these covenants are so tedious!

_Trick. _ Nay, but swear then.

_Wood. _ I do promise, I do swear, I do any thing. [_Mrs_ BRAIN. _runs
a pin into him. _] Oh, the devil! what do you mean to run pins into me?
this is perfect caterwauling.

_Trick. _ You fancy all this; I would not hurt you for the world. Come,
you shall see how well I love you. [_Kisses him: Mrs_ BRAIN. _pricks
her. _] Oh! I think you have needles growing in your bed.
[_Both rise up. _

_Wood. _ I will see what is the matter in it.

_Saint. _ [_Within. _] Mr Woodall, where are you, verily?

_Wood. _ Pox verily her! it is my landlady: Here, hide yourself behind
the curtains, while I run to the door, to stop her entry.

_Trick. _ Necessity has no law; I must be patient.
[_She gets into the Bed, and draws the clothes over her. _

_Enter_ SAINTLY.

_Saint. _ In sadness, gentleman, I can hold no longer: I will not keep
your wicked counsel, how you were locked up in the chest; for it lies
heavy upon my conscience, and out it must, and shall.

_Wood. _ You may tell, but who will believe you? where's your witness?

_Saint. _ Verily, heaven is my witness.

_Wood. _ That's your witness too, that you would have allured me to
lewdness, have seduced a hopeful young man, as I am; you would have
enticed youth: Mark that, beldam.

_Saint. _ I care not; my single evidence is enough to Mr Limberham; he
will believe me, that thou burnest in unlawful lust to his beloved: So
thou shalt be an outcast from my family.

_Wood. _ Then will I go to the elders of thy church, and lay thee open
before them, that thou didst feloniously unlock that chest, with
wicked intentions of purloining: So thou shalt be excommunicated from
the congregation, thou Jezebel, and delivered over to Satan.

_Saint. _ Verily, our teacher will not excommunicate me, for taking the
spoils of the ungodly, to clothe him; for it is a judged case amongst
us, that a married woman may steal from her husband, to relieve a
brother. But yet them mayest atone this difference betwixt us; verily,
thou mayest.

_Wood. _ Now thou art tempting me again. Well, if I had not the gift of
continency, what might become of me?

_Saint. _ The means have been offered thee, and thou hast kicked with
the heel. I will go immediately to the tabernacle of Mr Limberham, and
discover thee, O thou serpent, in thy crooked paths. [_Going. _

_Wood. _ Hold, good landlady, not so fast; let me have time to consider
on't; I may mollify, for flesh is frail. An hour or two hence we will
confer together upon the premises.

_Saint. _ Oh, on the sudden, I feel myself exceeding sick! Oh! oh!

_Wood. _ Get you quickly to your closet, and fall to your _mirabilis_;
this is no place for sick people. Begone, begone!

_Saint. _ Verily, I can go no farther.

_Wood. _ But you shall, verily. I will thrust you down, out of pure
pity.

_Saint. _ Oh, my eyes grow dim! my heart quops, and my back acheth!
here I will lay me down, and rest me.
[_Throws herself suddenly down upon the Bed;_
TRICKSY _shrieks, and rises; Mrs_ BRAIN.
_rises from under the Bed in a fright. _

_Wood. _ So! here's a fine business! my whole seraglio up in arms!

_Saint. _ So, so; if Providence had not sent me hither, what folly had
been this day committed!

_Trick. _ Oh the old woman in the oven! we both overheard your pious
documents: Did we not, Mrs Brainsick?

_Mrs Brain. _ Yes, we did overhear her; and we will both testify
against her.

_Wood. _ I have nothing to say for her. Nay, I told her her own; you
can both bear me witness. If a sober man cannot be quiet in his own
chamber for her--

_Trick. _ For, you know, sir, when Mrs Brainsick and I over-heard her
coming, having been before acquainted with her wicked purpose, we both
agreed to trap her in it.

_Mrs Brain. _ And now she would 'scape herself, by accusing us! but let
us both conclude to cast an infamy upon her house, and leave it.

_Saint. _ Sweet Mr Woodall, intercede for me, or I shall be ruined.

_Wood. _ Well, for once I'll be good-natured, and try my interest. --
Pray, ladies, for my sake, let this business go no farther.

_Trick. and Mrs Brain. _ You may command us.

_Wood. _ For, look you, the offence was properly to my person; and
charity has taught me to forgive my enemies. I hope, Mrs Saintly, this
will be a warning to you, to amend your life: I speak like a
Christian, as one that tenders the welfare of your soul.

_Saint. _ Verily, I will consider.

_Wood. _ Why, that is well said. --[_Aside. _] Gad, and so must I too;
for my people is dissatisfied, and my government in danger: But this
is no place for meditation. --Ladies, I wait on you. [_Exeunt. _


ACT IV. --SCENE I.

_Enter_ ALDO _and_ GEOFFERY.

_Aldo. _ Despatch, Geoffery, despatch: The outlying punks will be upon
us, ere I am in a readiness to give audience. Is the office well
provided?

_Geoff. _ The stores are very low, sir: Some dolly petticoats, and
manteaus we have; and half a dozen pair of laced shoes, bought from
court at second hand.

_Aldo. _ Before George, there is not enough to rig out a mournival of
whores: They'll think me grown a mere curmudgeon. Mercy on me, how
will this glorious trade be carried on, with such a miserable stock!

_Geoff. _ I hear a coach already stopping at the door.

_Aldo.