No More Learning

G. (Rapturously. ) Lit-tle Featherweight!

Mrs. G. I won' t be called those sporting pet names, bad boy.

Capt. G. You'll be called anything I choose. Has it ever occurred to
you, Madam, that you are my Wife?

Mrs. G. It has. I haven't ceased wondering at it yet.

Capt. G. Nor I. It seems so strange; and yet, somehow, it doesn't.
(Confidently. ) You see, it could have been no one else.

Mrs. G. (Softly. ) No. No one else--for me or for you. It must have been
all arranged from the beginning. Phil, tell me again what made you care
for me.

Capt. G. How could I help it? You were you, you know.

Mrs. G. Did you ever want to help it? Speak the truth!

Capt. G. (A twinkle in his eye. ) I did, darling, just at the first. Rut
only at the very first. (Chuckles. ) I called you--stoop low and I'll
whisper--"a little beast. " Ho! Ho! Ho!

Mrs. G. (Taking him by the moustache and making him sit up. )
"A-little-beast! " Stop laughing over your crime! And yet you had
the--the--awful cheek to propose to me!

Capt. C. I'd changed my mind then. And you weren't a little beast any
more.

Mrs. G. Thank you, sir! And when was I ever?

Capt. G. Never! But that first day, when you gave me tea in that
peach-colored muslin gown thing, you looked--you did indeed, dear--such
an absurd little mite. And I didn't know what to say to you.

Mrs. G. (Twisting moustache. ) So you said "little beast. " Upon my word,
Sir! I called you a "Crrrreature," but I wish now I had called you
something worse.

Capt. G. (Very meekly. ) I apologize, but you're hurting me awf'ly.
(Interlude. ) You're welcome to torture me again on those terms.

Mrs. G. Oh, why did you let me do it?

Capt. G. (Looking across valley. ) No reason in particular, but--if it
amused you or did you any good--you might--wipe those dear little boots
of yours on me.

Mrs. G. (Stretching out her hands. ) Don't! Oh, don't! Philip, my King,
please don't talk like that. It's how I feel. You're so much too good
for me. So much too good!

Capt. G. Me! I'm not fit to put my arm around you. (Puts it round. )

Mrs. C. Yes, you are. But I--what have I ever done?

Capt. G. Given me a wee bit of your heart, haven't you, my Queen!

Mrs. G. That's nothing. Any one would do that. They cou--couldn'thelp
it.

Capt. G. Pussy, you'll make me horribly conceited. Just when I was
beginning to feel so humble, too.

Mrs. G. Humble! I don't believe it's in your character.

Capt. G. What do you know of my character, Impertinence?

Mrs. G. Ah, but I shall, shan't I, Phil? I shall have time in all the
years and years to come, to know everything about you; and there will be
no secrets between us.

Capt. G. Little witch! I believe you know me thoroughly already.

Mrs. G. I think I can guess. You're selfish?

Capt. G. Yes.

Mrs. G. Foolish?

Capt. G. Very.

Mrs. G. And a dear?

Capt. G. That is as my lady pleases.

Mrs. G. Then your lady is pleased. (A pause. ) D'you know that we're two
solemn, serious, grown-up people--

Capt. G. (Tilting her straw hat over her eyes. ) You grown-up! Pooh!
You're a baby.

Mrs. G. And we're talking nonsense.

Capt. G. Then let's go on talking nonsense. I rather like it. Pussy,
I'll tell you a secret. Promise not to repeat?

Mrs. G. Ye-es. Only to you.

Capt. G. I love you.

Mrs. G. Re-ally! For how long?

Capt. G. Forever and ever.

Mrs. G. That's a long time.

Capt. G. 'Think so? It's the shortest I can do with.

Mrs. G. You're getting quite clever.

Capt. G. I'm talking to you.

Mrs. G. Prettily turned. Hold up your stupid old head and I'll pay you
for it.

Capt. G. (Affecting supreme contempt.
) Take it yourself if you want it.

Mrs. G. I've a great mind to--and I will! (Takes it and is repaid with
interest. )

Capt. G, Little Featherweight, it's my opinion that we are a couple of
idiots.

Mrs. G. We're the only two sensible people in the world. Ask the eagle.
He's coming by.

Capt. G. Ah! I dare say he's seen a good many sensible people at Mahasu.
They say that those birds live for ever so long.

Mrs. G. How long?

Capt. G. A hundred and twenty years.

Mrs. G. A hundred and twenty years! O-oh! And in a hundred and twenty
years where will these two sensible people be?

Capt. G. What does it matter so long as we are together now?

Mrs. G. (Looking round the horizon. ) Yes. Only you and I--I and you--in
the whole wide, wide world until the end. (Sees the line of the Snows. )
How big and quiet the hills look! D'you think they care for us?

Capt. G. 'Can't say I've consulted 'em particularly. I care, and that's
enough for me.

Mrs. G. (Drawing nearer to him. ) Yes, now--but afterward. What's that
little black blur on the Snows?

Capt. G. A snowstorm, forty miles away. You'll see it move, as the wind
carries it across the face of that spur and then it will be all gone.

Mrs. G. And then it will be all gone. (Shivers. )

Capt. G. (Anxiously. ) 'Not chilled, pet, are you? 'Better let me get
your cloak.

Mrs. G. No. Don't leave me, Phil. Stay here. I believe I am afraid. Oh,
why are the hills so horrid! Phil, promise me that you'll always love
me.

Capt. G. What's the trouble, darling? I can't promise any more than I
have; but I'll promise that again and again if you like.

Mrs. G. (Her head on his shoulder. ) Say it, then--say it! N-no--don't!
The--the--eagles would laugh. (Recovering. ) My husband, you've married a
little goose.

Capt. G. (Very tenderly. ) Have I? I am content whatever she is, so long
as she is mine.

Mrs. G. (Quickly. ) Because she is yours or because she is me mineself?

Capt. G. Because she is both. (Piteously. ) I'm not clever, dear, and I
don't think I can make myself understood properly.

Mrs. G. I understand. Pip, will you tell me something?

Capt. G. Anything you like. (Aside. ) I wonder what's coming now.

Mrs. G. (Haltingly, her eyes lowered. ) You told me once in the old
days--centuries and centuries ago--that you had been engaged before. I
didn't say anything--then.

Capt. G. (Innocently. ) Why not?

Mrs. G. (Raising her eyes to his. ) Because--because I was afraid of
losing you, my heart. But now--tell about it--please.

Capt. G. There's nothing to tell. I was awf'ly old then--nearly two and
twenty--and she was quite that.

Mrs. G. That means she was older than you. I shouldn't like her to have
been younger. Well?

Capt. G. Well, I fancied myself in love and raved about a bit, and--oh,
yes, by Jove! I made up poetry. Ha! Ha!

Mrs. G. You never wrote any for me! What happened?

Capt. G. I came out here, and the whole thing went phut. She wrote to
say that there had been a mistake, and then she married.

Mrs. G. Did she care for you much?

Capt. G. No. At least she didn't show it as far as I remember.

Mrs. G. As far as you remember! Do you remember her name? (Hears it and
bows her head. ) Thank you, my husband.

Capt. G. Who but you had the right? Now, Little Featherweight, have you
ever been mixed up in any dark and dismal tragedy?

Mrs. G. If you call me Mrs. Gadsby, p'raps I'll tell.

Capt. G. (Throwing Parade rasp into his voice. ) Mrs. Gadsby, confess!

Mrs. G. Good Heavens, Phil! I never knew that you could speak in that
terrible voice.

Capt. G. You don't know half my accomplishments yet. Wait till we are
settled in the Plains, and I'll show you how I bark at my troop. You
were going to say, darling?

Mrs. G. I--I don't like to, after that voice. (Tremulously. ) Phil, never
you dare to speak to me in that tone, whatever I may do!

Capt. G. My poor little love! Why, you're shaking all over. I am so
sorry. Of course I never meant to upset you Don't tell me anything, I'm
a brute.

Mrs. G. No, you aren't, and I will tell--There was a man.

Capt. G. (Lightly. ) Was there? Lucky man!

Mrs. G. (In a whisper. ) And I thought I cared for him.

Capt. G.