No More Learning

Marquis-And you brought him by chance. [He rings. ] You
are a mother to me. [To Dubois. ] You will find an ecclesiastic
in Madame's carriage. Tell him I'm much obliged for his kind
alacrity, but I think I won't die this morning.
Baroness-O Marquis! what would our friends say if they
heard you?
Marquis - Bah! I'm the black sheep of the party, its spoiled
child; that's taken for granted. Dubois, you may say also that
Madame begs the Abbé to drive home, and to send her carriage
back for her.
Baroness-Allow me-
Marquis-Go along, Dubois. - Now you are my prisoner.
Baroness-But, Marquis, this is very unconventional.
Marquis [kissing her hand]- Flatterer!
Now sit down, and
let's talk about serious things. [Taking a newspaper from the
table. ] The gout hasn't kept me from reading the news. Do
you know that poor Déodat's death is a serious mishap?
Baroness-What a loss to our cause!
Marquis-I have wept for him.
Baroness-Such talent! Such spirit! Such sarcasm!
Marquis He was the hussar of orthodoxy. He will live in
history as the angelic pamphleteer. And now that we have
settled his noble ghost-
-
-
Baroness-You speak very lightly about it, Marquis.
Marquis-I tell you I've wept for him. -Now let's think of
some one to replace him.


## p. 1001 (#427) ###########################################

ÉMILE AUGIER
100I
Baroness-Say to succeed him. Heaven doesn't create two
such men at the same time.
Marquis - What if I tell you that I have found such another?
Yes, Baroness, I've unearthed a wicked, cynical, virulent pen,
that spits and splashes; a fellow who would lard his own father
with epigrams for a consideration, and who would eat him with
salt for five francs more.
Baroness - Déodat had sincere convictions.
Marquis-That's because he fought for them. There are no
more mercenaries. The blows they get convince them. I'll give
this fellow a week to belong to us body and soul.
Baroness- If you haven't any other proofs of his faithfulness –
Marquis-But I have.
Baroness-Where from?
Marquis-Never mind. I have it.
Baroness — And why do you wait before presenting him?
Marquis - For him in the first place, and then for his con-
sent. He lives in Lyons, and I expect him to-day or to-morrow.
As soon as he is presentable, I'll introduce him.
Baroness Meanwhile, I'll tell the committee of your find.
Marquis-I beg you, no. With regard to the committee, dear
Baroness, I wish you'd use your influence in a matter which
touches me.
-
Baroness I have not much influence —
Marquis-Is that modesty, or the exordium of a refusal?
Baroness-If either, it's modesty.
detestable.
Marquis - Very well, my charming friend. Don't you know
that these gentlemen owe you too much to refuse you anything?
Baroness - Because they meet in my parlor ?
Marquis-That, yes; but the true, great, inestimable service.
you render every day is to possess such superb eyes.
Baroness-It's well for you to pay attention to such things!
Marquis-Well for me, but better for these Solons whose
compliments don't exceed a certain romantic intensity.
Baroness-You are dreaming.
Marquis-What I say is true. That's why serious societies
always rally in the parlor of a woman, sometimes clever, some-
times beautiful. You are both, Madame: judge then of your
power!
Baroness-You are too complimentary: your cause must be


## p. 1002 (#428) ###########################################

1002
ÉMILE AUGIER
Marquis - If it was good I could win it for myself.
Baroness-Come, tell me, tell me.
Marquis - Well, then: we must choose an orator to the Cham-
ber for our Campaign against the University. I want them to
choose
Baroness Monsieur Maréchal?
Marquis - You are right.
Baroness-Do you really think so, Marquis? Monsieur Maré-
chal?
Marquis - Yes, I know. But we don't need a bolt of elo-
quence, since we'll furnish the address. Maréchal reads well
enough, I assure you.
Baroness - We made him deputy on your recommendation.
That was a good deal.
Marquis Maréchal is an excellent recruit.
Baroness-So you say.
Marquis - How disgusted you are! An old subscriber to the
Constitutionnel, a liberal, a Voltairean, who comes over to the
enemy bag and baggage. What would you have? Monsieur
Maréchal is not a man, my dear: it's the stout bourgeoisie itself
coming over to us. I love this honest bourgeoisie, which hates
the revolution, since there is no more to be gotten out of it;
which wants to stem the tide which brought it, and make over
a little feudal France to its own profit. Let it draw our chest-
nuts from the fire if it wants to. This pleasant sight makes
me enjoy politics. Long live Monsieur Maréchal and his likes,
bourgeois of the right divine. Let us heap these precious allies
with honor and glory until our triumph ships them off to their
mills again.
Baroness Several of our deputies are birds of the same
feather. Why choose the least capable for orator?
Marquis - It's not a question of capacity.
Baroness-You're a warm patron of Monsieur Maréchal!
His
Marquis-I regard him as a kind of family protégé.
grandfather was farmer to mine. I'm his daughter's guardian.
These are bonds.
―
Baroness-You don't tell everything.
Marquis-All that I know.
Baroness-Then let me complete your information. They say
that in old times you fell in love with the first Madame Maré-
chal.


## p. 1003 (#429) ###########################################

ÉMILE AUGIER
1003
Marquis-I hope you don't believe this silly story?
Baroness-Faith, you do so much to please Monsieur Maré-
chal-
Marquis-That it seems as if I must have injured him?
Good heavens! Who is safe from malice? Nobody. Not even
you, dear Baroness.
Baroness-I'd like to know what they can say of me.
Marquis - Foolish things that I certainly won't repeat.
Baroness - Then you believe them?
Marquis-God forbid! That your dead husband married his
mother's companion? It made me so angry!
Baroness Too much honor for such wretched gossip.
Marquis-I answered strongly enough, I can tell you.
Baroness I don't doubt it.
Marquis But you are right in wanting to marry again.
Baroness Who says I want to?
-
hand.
--
-
Marquis-Ah! you don't treat me as a friend. I deserve
your confidence all the more for understanding you as if you had
given it. The aid of a sorcerer is not to be despised, Baroness.
Baroness [sitting down by the table]- Prove your sorcery.
Marquis [sitting down opposite] — Willingly! Give me your
monster.
Baroness [removing her glove] - You'll give it back again.
Marquis - And help you dispose of it, which is more. [Ex-
amining her hand. ] You are beautiful, rich, and a widow.
Baroness I could believe myself at Mademoiselle Lenor-
mand's!
Marquis - While it is so easy, not to say tempting, for you
to lead a brilliant, frivolous life, you have chosen a rôle almost
austere with its irreproachable morals.
Baroness-If it was a rôle, you'll admit that it was much like
a penitence.
Marquis - Not for you.
Baroness-What do you know about it?
Marquis-I read it in your hand. I even see that the con-
trary would cost you more, for nature has gifted your heart with
unalterable calmness.
Baroness [drawing away her hand]-Say at once that I'm a
Marquis-Time enough! The credulous think you a saint;
the skeptics say you desire power; I, Guy François Condorier,


## p. 1004 (#430) ###########################################

1004
ÉMILE AUGIER
Marquis d'Auberive, think you a clever little German, trying to
build a throne for yourself in the Faubourg Saint-Germain. You
have conquered the men, but the women resist you: your reputa-
tion offends them; and for want of a better weapon they use this
miserable rumor I've just repeated. In short, your flag's inad-
equate and you're looking for a larger one. Henry IV. said that
Paris was worth a mass. You think so too.
Baroness-They say sleep-walkers shouldn't be contradicted.
However, do let me say that if I really wanted a husband - with
my money and my social position, I might already have found
twenty.
Marquis-Twenty, yes; but not one. You forget this little
devil of a rumor.
Baroness [rising]-Only fools believe that.
Marquis [rising]-There's the hic. It's only very clever men,
too clever, who court you, and you want a fool.
Baroness-Why?
You want a
Marquis- Because you don't want a master.
husband whom you can keep in your parlor, like a family por-
trait, nothing more.
Baroness-Have you finished, dear diviner? What you have
just said lacks common-sense, but you are amusing, and I can
refuse you nothing.
Marquis - Maréchal shall have the oration?
Baroness-Or I'll lose my name.
Marquis-And you shall lose your name-I promise you.
A SEVERE YOUNG JUDGE
From The Adventuress>
Look at her clear eyes.
Annibal-Yes, yes, yes! [He sits down in a corner. ]
Clorinde [approaching Célie, who has paused in the doorway]-
My child, you would not avoid me to-day if you knew how happy
you make me!
LORINDE [softly] - Here's Célie.
love her, innocent child!
C
Célie-My father has ordered me to come to you.
Clorinde-Ordered you? Did you need an order?
I
Are we
really on such terms? Tell me, do you think I do not love you,
upon me as your enemy? Dear, if you
that you should look


## p. 1005 (#431) ###########################################

ÉMILE AUGIER
1005
could read my heart you would find there the tenderest attach-
ment.
Célie I do not know whether you are sincere, Madame.
hope that you are not, for it distresses one to be loved by those
Clorinde-Whom one does not love? They must have painted
me black indeed, that you are so reluctant to believe in my
friendship.
-
Célie They have told me what I have heard, thanks to
you, Madame, was not fit for my young ears. This interview is
cruel Please let me -
-
-
I
―
Clorinde- No, no!
Stay, Mademoiselle.
painful to us both, nevertheless concerns us both.
Célie I am not your judge, Madame.
Clorinde-Nevertheless you do judge me, and severely! Yes,
For this interview,
my life has been blameworthy; I confess it. But you know noth-
ing of its temptations. How should you know, sweet soul, to
whom life is happy and goodness easy? Child, you have your
family to guard you. You have happiness to keep watch and
ward for you. How should you know what poverty whispers
to young ears on cold evenings! You, who have never been
hungry, how should you understand the price that is asked for a
mouthful of bread?
Célie - I don't know the pleadings of poverty, but one need
not listen to them. There are many poor girls who go hungry
and cold and keep from harm.
Clorinde- Child, their courage is sublime. Honor them if
you will, but pity the cowards.
death!
Célie-Yes, for choosing infamy rather than work, hunger, or
Yes, for losing the respect of all honest souls! Yes, I
can pity them for not being worthier of pity.
Clorinde-So that's your Christian charity! So nothing in the
world-bitter repentance or agonies of suffering, or vows of
sanctity for all time to come-may obliterate the past?
Célie You force me to speak without knowledge.
-
But-
since I must give judgment-who really hates a fault will hate
the fruit of it.
If you keep this place, Madame, you will not
expect me to believe in the genuineness of your renunciations.
Clorinde-I do not dishonor it. There is no reason why I
should leave it. I have already proved my sincerity by high-
minded and generous acts. I bear myself as my place demands.
My conscience is at rest.


## p. 1006 (#432) ###########################################

1006
ÉMILE AUGIER
Célie Your good action-for I believe you-is only the
beginning of expiation. Virtue seems to me like a holy tem-
ple. You may leave it by a door with a single step, but to
enter again you must climb up a hundred on your knees, beating
your breast.
Clorinde-How rigid you all are, and how your parents train
their first-born never to open the ranks! Oh, fortunate race!
impenetrable phalanx of respectability, who make it impossible
for the sinner to reform! You keep the way of repentance so
rough that the foot of poor humanity cannot tread it. God will
demand from you the lost souls whom your hardness has driven
back to sin.
Célie - God, do you say? When good people forgive they
betray his justice. For punishment is not retribution only, but
the acknowledgment and recompense of those fighting ones that
brave hunger and cold in a garret, Madame, yet do not sur-
render.
Clorinde-Go, child! I cannot bear more—
Célie - I have said more than I meant to say. Good-by. This
is the first and last time that I shall ever speak of this.
[She goes. ]
A CONTENTED IDLER
From M. Poirier's Son-in-Law
[The party are leaving the dining-room. ]
The house
G
Do you
ASTON -Well, Hector! What do you think of it?
is just as you see it now, every day in the year.
believe there is a happier man in the world than I?
Duke-Faith! I envy you; you reconcile me to marriage.
Antoinette [in a low voice to Verdelet]-Monsieur de Mont-
meyran is a charming young man!
Verdelet [in a low voice]-He pleases me.
Gaston [to Poirier, who comes in last]-Monsieur Poirier, I
must tell you once for all how much I esteem you. Don't think
I'm ungrateful.
Poirier-Oh! Monsieur!
Gaston Why the devil don't you call me Gaston? And you,
too, dear Monsieur Verdelet, I'm very glad to see you.


## p. 1007 (#433) ###########################################

ÉMILE AUGIER
1007
-
Antoinette
Gaston Shake hands then, Uncle.
Verdelet [aside, giving him his hand]-He's not a bad fellow.
Gaston Agree, Hector, that I've been lucky. Monsieur Poi-
rier, I feel guilty. You make my life one long fête and never
give me a chance in return. Try to think of something I can
do for you.
-
He is one of the family, Gaston.
Poirier - Very well, if that's the way you feel, give me a
quarter of an hour. I should like to have a serious talk with
you.
Poirier
some idea.
Duke I'll withdraw.
Poirier - No, stay, Monsieur. We are going to hold a kind
of family council. Neither you nor Verdelet will be in the way.
Gaston - The deuce, my dear father-in-law. A family coun-
cil! You embarrass me!
Poirier-Not at all, dear Gaston. Let us sit down.
[They seat themselves around the fireplace. ]
-
Gaston Begin, Monsieur Poirier.
Poirier - You say you are happy, dear Gaston, and that is my
greatest recompense.
Gaston-I'm willing to double your gratification.
Poirier-But now that three months have been given to the
joys of the honeymoon, I think that there has been romance
enough, and that it's time to think about history.
Certainly, we'll think about
Gaston - You talk like a book.
history if you wish. I'm willing.
Poirier-What do you intend to do?
Gaston-To-day?
―――――――
And to-morrow, and in the future. You must have
Gaston-True, my plans are made. I expect to do to-day
what I did yesterday, and to-morrow what I shall do to-day.
I'm not versatile, in spite of my light air; and if the future is
only like the present I'll be satisfied.
Poirier - But you are too sensible to think that the honey-
moon can last forever.
Gaston Too sensible, and too good an
astronomer. But
you've probably read Heine?
Poirier - You must have read that, Verdelet ?
Verdelet - Yes; I've read him.


## p. 1008 (#434) ###########################################

1008
ÉMILE AUGIER
Poirier - Perhaps he spent his life at playing truant.
Gaston - Well, Heine, when he was asked what became of the
old full moons, said that they were broken up to make the stars.
Poirier I don't understand.
Gaston - When our honeymoon is old, we'll break it up and
there'll be enough to make a whole Milky Way.
Poirier-That is a clever idea, of course.
Gaston Its only merit is simplicity.
Poirier But seriously, don't you think that the idle life you
lead may jeopardize the happiness of a young household?
Gaston - Not at all.
Verdelet - A man of your capacity can't mean to idle all his
life.
Gaston-With resignation.
Antoinette - Don't you think you'll find it dull after a time,
Gaston?
______
Gaston-You calumniate yourself, my dear.
Antoinette- I'm not vain enough to suppose that I can fill
your whole existence, and I admit that I'd like to see you follow
the example of Monsieur de Montmeyran.
Gaston [rising and leaning against the mantelpiece] - Perhaps
you want me to fight?
Antoinette-No, of course not.
Gaston What then?
Poirier - We want you to take a position worthy of your
name.
―――――
Gaston-There are only three positions which my name per-
mits me: soldier, bishop, or husbandman. Choose.
Poirier-We owe everything to France.
France is our mother.
Verdelet -I understand the vexation of a son whose mother
remarries; I understand why he doesn't go to the wedding: but
if he has the right kind of heart he won't turn sulky. If the
second husband makes her happy, he'll soon offer him a friendly
hand.
Poirier The nobility cannot always hold itself aloof, as it
begins to perceive. More than one illustrious name has set the
example: Monsieur de Valcherrière, Monsieur de Chazerolles,
Monsieur de Mont Louis-
-
Gaston - These men have done as they thought best. I don't
judge them, but I cannot imitate them.
Antoinette-Why not, Gaston?


## p. 1009 (#435) ###########################################

EMILE AUGIER
1009
Gaston-Ask Montmeyran.
Verdelet - The Duke's uniform answers for him.
Duke-Excuse me, a soldier has but one opinion-his duty;
but one adversary- the enemy.
Poirier However, Monsieur-
Gaston-Enough, it isn't a matter of politics, Monsieur Poi-
rier. One may discuss opinions, but not sentiments. I am bound
by gratitude. My fidelity is that of a servant and of a friend.
Not another word. [To the Duke. ] I beg your pardon, my dear
fellow. This is the first time we've talked politics here, and I
promise you it shall be the last.
The Duke [in a low voice to Antoinette] — You've been forced
into making a mistake, Madame.
―
Antoinette-I know it, now that it's too late.
Verdelet [softly, to Poirier]-Now you're in a fine fix.
Poirier [in same tone] - He's repulsed the first assault, but I
don't raise the siege.
Gaston I'm not resentful, Monsieur Poirier. Perhaps I spoke
a little too strongly, but this is a tender point with me, and
unintentionally you wounded me. Shake hands.
Poirier-You are very kind.
A Servant-There are some people in the little parlor who
say they have an appointment with Monsieur Poirier.
Poirier - Very well, ask them to wait a moment. [The serv-
ant goes out. ] Your creditors, son-in-law.
Gaston - Yours, my dear father-in-law. I've turned them over
to you.
Duke-As a wedding present.
THE FEELINGS OF AN ARTIST
From M. Poirier's Son-in-Law›
POIR
OIRIER [alone] - How vexatious he is, that son-in-law of mine!
and there's no way to get rid of him. He'll die a noble-
man, for he will do nothing and he is good for nothing.
-There's no end to the money he costs me. -
He is master
of my house. .
I'll put a stop to it. [He rings. Enter a serv-
ant. ] Send up the porter and the cook. We shall see my son-
in-law! I have set up my back. I've unsheathed my velvet
II-64


## p. 1010 (#436) ###########################################

1010
ÉMILE AUGIER
paws. You will make no concessions, eh, my fine gentleman?
Take your comfort! I will not yield either: you may remain
marquis, and I will again become a bourgeois. At least I'll have
the pleasure of living to my fancy.
The Porter-Monsieur has sent for me?
Poirier - Yes, François, Monsieur has sent for you. You can
put the sign on the door at once.
The Porter-The sign?
Poirier "To let immediately, a magnificent apartment on the
first floor, with stables and carriage houses. "
The Porter-The apartment of Monsieur le Marquis?
Poirier - You have said it, François.
The Porter-But Monsieur le Marquis has not given the order.
Poirier - Who is the master here, donkey? Who owns this
mansion?
The Porter-You, Monsieur.
Poirier Then do what I tell you without arguing.
The Porter-Yes, Monsieur. [Enter Vatel. ]
――――
heart.
Poirier-Go, François. [Exit Porter. ] Come in, Monsieur
Vatel: you are getting up a big dinner for to-morrow?
It is
Vatel - Yes, Monsieur, and I venture to say that the menu
would not be disowned by my illustrious ancestor himself.
really a work of art, and Monsieur Poirier will be astonished.
Poirier Have you the menu with you?
Vatel-No, Monsieur, it is being copied; but I know it by
-
Poirier Then recite it to me.
Vatel-Le potage aux ravioles à l'Italienne et le potage à
l'orge à la Marie Stuart.
Poirier - You will replace these unknown concoctions by a
good meat soup, with some vegetables on a plate.
-―
Vatel-What, Monsieur?
Poirier-I mean it. Go on.
Vatel- Relevé. La carpe du Rhin à la Lithuanienne, les
poulardes à la Godard- le filet de boeuf braisé aux raisins à la
Napolitaine, le jambon de Westphalie, rotie madère.
Poirier Here is a simpler and far more sensible fish course:
brill with caper sauce-then Bayonne ham with spinach, and a
savory stew of bird, with well-browned rabbit.
Vatel But, Monsieur Poirier-I will never consent.
Poirier I am master- do you hear? Go on.
――


## p. 1011 (#437) ###########################################

ÉMILE AUGIER
IOII
Vatel-Entrées. Les filets de volaille à la concordat - les
croustades de truffe garniés de foies à la royale, le faison étoffe
à la Montpensier, les perdreaux rouges farcis à la bohemienne.
Poirier - In place of these side dishes we will have nothing
at all, and we will go at once to the roast,- that is the only
essential.
Vatel-That is against the precepts of art.
Poirier - I'll take the blame of that: let us have your roasts.
Vatel-It is not worth while, Monsieur: my ancestor would
have run his sword through his body for a less affront.
my resignation.
I offer
name.
Poirier And I was about to ask for it, my good friend; but
as one has eight days to replace a servant —
But in the mean
Vatel - A servant, Monsieur? I am an artist!
Poirier - I will fill your place by a woman.
time, as you still have eight days in my service, I wish you to
prepare my menu.
Vatel- I will blow my brains out before I dishonor my
-
Poirier [aside]- Another fellow who adores his name! [Alou 1. ]
You may burn your brains, Monsieur Vatel, but don't burn your
sauces.