No More Learning

_Amph. _ The signature is firm. [_Looking. _

_Sos. _ Then take the signature into your own custody, and open it; for
I will have nothing done at my proper peril. [_Giving him the Casket. _

_Amph. _ O heavens! here's nothing but an empty space, the nest where
they were laid.

[_Breaking open the Seal. _

_Sos. _ Then, if the birds are flown, the fault's not mine. Here has
been fine conjuring work; or else the jewel, knowing to whom it should
be given, took occasion to steal out, by a natural instinct, and tied
itself to that pretty arm.

_Amph. _ Can this be possible?

_Sos. _ Yes, very possible: You, my lord Amphitryon, may have brought
forth another. You my lord Amphitryon, as well as I, Sosia, have
brought forth another Me, Sosia; and our diamonds may have procreated
these diamonds, and so we are all three double.

_Phæd. _ If this be true, I hope my goblet has gigged another golden
goblet; and then they may carry double upon all four. [_Aside. _

_Alcm. _ My lord, I have stood silent, out of wonder What you could
wonder at.

_Amph. _ A chilling sweat, a damp of jealousy,
Hangs on my brows, and clams upon my limbs.
I fear, and yet I must be satisfied;
And, to be satisfied, I must dissemble. [_Aside. _

_Alcm. _ Why muse you so, and murmur to yourself?
If you repent your bounty, take it back.

_Amph. _ Not so; but, if you please, relate what past
At our last interview.

_Alcm. _ That question would infer you were not here.

_Amph. _ I say not so;
I only would refresh my memory,
And have my reasons to desire the story.

_Phæd. _ So, this is as good sport for me, as an examination of a great
belly before a magistrate.

_Alcm. _ The story is not long: you know I met you,
Kissed you, and pressed you close within my arms,
With all the tenderness of wifely love.

_Amph. _ I could have spared that kindness. -- [_Aside. _
And what did I?

_Alcm. _ You strained me with a masculine embrace,
As you would squeeze my soul out.

_Amph. _ Did I so?

_Alcm. _ You did.

_Amph. _ Confound those arms that were so kind! -- [_Aside. _
Proceed, proceed---- [_To her. _

_Alcm. _ You would not stay to sup; but much complaining of your
drowsiness, and want of natural rest----

_Amph. _ Made haste to bed: Ha, was't not so? Go on--
[_Aside. _] And stab me with each syllable thou speak'st.

_Phæd. _ So, now 'tis coming, now 'tis coming.

_Alcm. _ I have no more to say.

_Amph. _ Why, went we not to bed?

_Alcm. _ Why not?
Is it a crime for husband and for wife
To go to bed, my lord?

_Amph. _ Perfidious woman!

_Alcm. _ Ungrateful man!

_Amph. _ She justifies it too!

_Alcm. _ I need not justify: Of what am I accused?

_Amph. _ Of all that prodigality of kindness
Given to another, and usurped from me.
So bless me, Heaven, if, since my first departure,
I ever set my foot upon this threshold!
So am I innocent of all those joys,
And dry of those embraces.

_Alcm. _ Then I, it seems, am false!

_Amph. _ As surely false, as what thou say'st is true.

_Alcm. _ I have betrayed my honour, and my love,
And am a foul adultress?

_Amph. _ What thou art,
Thou stand'st condemned to be, by thy relation.

_Alcm. _ Go, thou unworthy man! for ever go:
No more my husband: go, thou base impostor!
Who tak'st a vile pretence to taint my fame,
And, not content to leave, wouldst ruin me.
Enjoy thy wished divorce: I will not plead
My innocence of this pretended crime;
I need not. Spit thy venom; do thy worst;
But know, the more thou wouldst expose my virtue,
Like purest linen laid in open air,
'Twill bleach the more, and whiten to the view.

_Amph. _ 'Tis well thou art prepared for thy divorce:
For, know thou too, that, after this affront,
This foul indignity done to my honour,
Divorcement is but petty reparation.
But, since thou hast, with impudence, affirmed
My false return, and bribed my slaves to vouch it,
The truth shall, in the face of Thebes, be cleared:
Thy uncle, the companion of my voyage,
And all the crew of seamen shall be brought,
Who were embarked, and came with me to land,
Nor parted, till I reached this cursed door:
So shall this vision of my late return
Stand a detected lie; and woe to those,
Who thus betrayed my honour!

_Sos. _ Sir, shall I wait on you?

_Amph. _ No, I will go alone. Expect me here.

[_Exit_ AMPHITRYON.

_Phæd. _ Please you, that I---- [_To_ ALCMENA.

_Alcm. _ Oh! nothing now can please me:
Darkness, and solitude, and sighs, and tears,
And all the inseparable train of grief,
Attend my steps for ever. ---- [_Exit_ ALCMENA.

_Sos. _ What if I should lie now, and say we have been here before? I
never saw any good that came of telling truth. [_Aside. _

_Phæd. _ He makes no more advances to me: I begin a little to suspect,
that my gold goblet will prove but copper. [_Aside. _

_Sos. _ Yes, 'tis resolved, I will lie abominably, against the light of
my own conscience. For, suppose the other Sosia has been here, perhaps
that strong dog has not only beaten me, but also has been predominant
upon my wife, and most carnally misused her! Now, by asking certain
questions of her, with a side-wind, I may come to understand how
squares go, and whether my nuptial bed be violated. [_Aside. _

_Phæd. _ Most certainly he has learned impudence of his master, and will
deny his being here; but that shall not serve his turn, to cheat me of
my present. [_Aside. _]--Why, Sosia! What, in a brown study?

_Sos. _ A little _cogitabund_, or so, concerning this dismal revolution
in our family.

_Phæd. _ But that should not make you neglect your duty to me, your
mistress.

_Sos. _ Pretty soul! I would thou wert, upon condition that old Bromia
were six foot under ground.

_Phæd. _ What! is all your hot courtship to me dwindled into a poor
unprofitable wish? You may remember, I did not bid you absolutely
despair.

_Sos. _ No, for all things yet may be accommodated, in an amicable
manner, betwixt my master and my lady.

_Phæd. _ I mean, to the business betwixt you and me--

_Sos. _ Why, I hope we two never quarrelled?

_Phæd. _ Must I remember you of a certain promise, that you made me at
our last parting?

_Sos. _ Oh, when I went to the army: that I should still be praising thy
beauty to judge Gripus, and keep up his affections to thee?

_Phæd. _ No, I mean the business betwixt you and me this morning--that
you promised me----

_Sos. _ That I promised thee--I find it now. That strong dog, my brother
Sosia, has been here before me, and made love to her. [_Aside. _

_Phæd. _ You are considering, whether or no you should keep your
promise--

_Sos. _ That I should keep my promise. --The truth on't is, she's
another-guess morsel than old Bromia. [_Aside. _

_Phæd. _ And I had rather you should break it, in a manner, and as it
were, and in some sense----

_Sos. _ In a manner, and as it were, and in some sense, thou say'st? --I
find, the strong dog has only tickled up her imagination, and not
enjoyed her; so that, with my own limbs, I may perform the sweetness
of his function with her. [_Aside. _]--No, sweet creature, the promise
shall not be broken; but what I have undertaken, I will perform like a
man of honour.

_Phæd. _ Then you remember the preliminaries of the present----

_Sos. _ Yes, yes, in gross I do remember something; but this disturbance
of the family has somewhat stupified my memory. Some pretty _quelque
chose_, I warrant thee; some acceptable toy, of small value.

_Phæd. _ You may call a gold goblet a toy; but I put a greater value
upon your presents.

_Sos. _ A gold goblet, say'st thou! Yes, now I think on't, it was a kind
of a gold goblet, as a gratuity after consummation.

_Phæd. _ No, no; I had rather make sure of one bribe beforehand, than be
promised ten gratuities.

_Sos. _ Yes, now I remember, it was, in some sense, a gold goblet, by
way of earnest; and it contained--

_Phæd. _ One large--

_Sos. _ How, one large--

_Phæd. _ Gallon.

_Sos. _ No; that was somewhat too large, in conscience: It was
not a whole gallon; but it may contain, reasonably speaking, one
large--thimble-full; but gallons and thimble-fulls are so like, that,
in speaking, I might easily mistake them.

_Phæd. _ Is it come to this? --Out, traitor!

_Sos. _ I had been a traitor, indeed, to have betrayed thee to the
swallowing of a gallon; but a thimble-full of cordial water is easily
sipt off: and then, this same goblet is so very light too, that it will
be no burden to carry it about with thee in thy pocket.

_Phæd. _ O apostate to thy love! O perjured villain! --

_Enter_ BROMIA.

What, are you here, Bromia? I was telling him his own: I was giving
him a rattle for his treacheries to you, his love: You see I can be a
friend, upon occasion.

_Brom. _ Ay, chicken, I never doubted of thy kindness; but, for this
fugitive--this rebel--this miscreant----

_Sos. _ A kind welcome, to an absent lover, as I have been.

_Brom. _ Ay; and a kind greeting you gave me, at your return; when you
used me so barbarously this morning.

_Sos. _ The t'other Sosia has been with her too; and has used her
barbarously: barbarously,--that is to say, uncivilly: and uncivilly,--I
am afraid that means too civilly. [_Aside. _

_Phæd.
_ You had best deny you were here this morning! And by the same
token----

_Sos. _ Nay, no more tokens, for Heaven's sake, dear Phædra. --Now must I
ponder with myself a little, whether it be better for me to have been
here, or not to have been here, this morning. [_Aside. _

_Enter a Servant. _

_Serv. _ Phædra, my lord's without; and will not enter till he has first
spoken with you. [_Exit Serv. _

_Phæd. _ [_To him in private. _] Oh, that I could stay to help worry
thee for this abuse; but the best on't is, I leave thee in good
hands. ----Farewell, Thimble----To him, Bromia. [_Exit_ PHÆDRA.

_Brom. _ No; you did not beat me, and put me into a swoon, and deprive
me of the natural use of my tongue for a long half hour: you did not
beat me down with your little wand:--but I shall teach you to use your
rod another time----I shall.

_Sos. _ Put her into a swoon, with my little wand, and so forth! That's
more than ever I could do. These are terrible circumstances, that some
Sosia or other has been here. Now, if he has literally beaten her,
gramercy, brother Sosia! he has but done what I would have done, if I
had durst. But I am afraid it was only a damned love-figure; and that
the wand, that laid her asleep, might signify the peace-maker. [_Aside. _

_Brom. _ Now you are snuffling up on a cold scent, for some pitiful
excuse. I know you; twenty to one, but you will plead a drunkenness;
you are used to be pot-valiant.

_Sos. _ I was pumping, and I thank her, she has invented for me. --Yes,
Bromia, I must confess I was exalted; and, possibly, I might scour upon
thee, or perhaps be a little more familiar with thy person, by the way
of kindness, than if I had been sober: but, pr'ythee, inform me what I
did, that I may consider what satisfaction I am to make thee.

_Brom. _ Are you there at your dog-tricks! You would be forgetting,
would you? like a drunken bully that affronts over night, and, when
he is called to account the next morning, remembers nothing of the
quarrel; and asks pardon, to avoid fighting.

_Sos. _ By Bacchus, I was overtaken; but I should be loth that I
committed any folly with thee.

_Brom. _ I am sure, I kept myself awake all night, that I did, in
expectation of your coming. [_Crying. _

_Sos. _ But what amends did I make thee, when I came?

_Brom. _ You know well enough, to my sorrow, but that you play the
hypocrite.

_Sos. _ I warrant, I was monstrous kind to thee.

_Brom. _ Yes, monstrous kind indeed: You never said a truer word; for,
when I came to kiss you, you pulled away your mouth, and turned your
cheek to me.

_Sos. _ Good.

_Brom. _ How, good! Here's fine impudence! He justifies!

_Sos. _ Yes, I do justify, that I turned my cheek, like a prudent
person, that my breath might not offend thee; for, now I remember, I
had eaten garlick.

_Brom. _ Ay, you remember, and forget, just as it makes for you, or
against you; but, to mend the matter, you never spoke one civil word to
me; but stood like a stock, without sense or motion.

_Sos. _ Yet better. [_Aside. _

_Brom. _ After which, I lovingly invited you to take your place in your
nuptial bed, as the laws of matrimony oblige you; and you inhumanly
refused me.

_Sos. _ Ay, there's the main point of the business! Art thou morally
certain, that I refused thee? Look me now in the face, and say I did
not commit matrimony with thee!

_Brom. _ I wonder how thou canst look me in the face, after that
refusal!

_Sos. _ Say it once again, that I did not feloniously come to bed to
thee!

_Brom. _ No, thou cold traitor, thou know'st thou didst not.

_Sos. _ Best of all! --'twas discreetly done of me to abstain.

_Brom. _ What, do you insult upon me too?

_Sos. _ No, I do not insult upon you----but--

_Brom. _ But what? How was it discreetly done then? ha!

_Sos. _ Because it is the received opinion of physicians, that nothing
but puling chits, and booby-fools are procreated in drunkenness.

_Brom. _ A received opinion, snivel-guts! I'll be judged by all the
married women of this town, if any one of them has received it. The
devil take the physicians for meddling in our matters! If a husband
will be ruled by them, there are five weeks of abstinence in dog-days
too; for fear a child, that was got in August, should be born just nine
months after, and be blear-eyed, like a May kitten.

_Sos. _ Let the physicians alone; they are honest men, whatever the
world says of them. But, for a certain reason, that I best know, I am
glad that matter ended so fairly and peaceably betwixt us.

_Brom. _ Yes, 'twas very fair and peaceably; to strike a woman down, and
beat her most outrageously.

_Sos. _ Is't possible that I drubbed thee?

_Brom. _ I find your drift; you would fain be provoking me to a new
trial now: but, i'faith, you shall bring me to no more handy-blows; I
shall make bold to trust to my tongue hereafter. You never durst have
offered to hold up a finger against me, till you went a trooping.

_Sos. _ Then I am a conqueror; and I laud my own courage: this renown I
have atchieved by soldier-ship and stratagem. Know your duty, spouse,
hence-forward, to your supreme commander. [_Strutting. _

_Enter_ JUPITER _and_ PHÆDRA, _attended by Musicians and Dancers_.

_Phæd. _ Indeed I wondered at your quick return.

_Jup. _ Even so almighty love will have it, Phædra;
And the stern goddess of sweet-bitter cares,
Who bows our necks beneath her brazen yoke.
I would have manned my heart, and held it out;
But, when I thought of what I had possessed,
Those joys, that never end, but to begin,
O, I am all on fire to make my peace;
And die, Jove knows, as much as I can die,
Till I am reconciled.

_Phæd. _ I fear 'twill be in vain.

_Jup. _ 'Tis difficult:
But nothing is impossible to love;
To love like mine; for I have proved his force,
And my Alcmena too has felt his dart.
If I submit, there's hope.

_Phæd. _ 'Tis possible I may solicit for you.

_Jup. _ But wilt thou promise me to do thy best?

_Phæd. _ Nay, I promise nothing--unless you begin to promise first.
[_Curtsying. _

_Jup. _ I will not be ungrateful.

_Phæd. _ Well; I'll try to bring her to the window; you shall have a
fair shot at her; if you can bring her down, you are a good marksman.

_Jup. _ That's all I ask;
And I will so reward thee, gentle Phædra--

_Phæd. _ What, with catsguts and rosin! This _Solla_ is but a lamentable
empty sound.

_Jup. _ Then, there's a sound will please thee better.

[_Throwing her a purse. _

_Phæd. _ Ay, there's something of melody in this sound.
I could dance all day to the music of _Chink, Chink_.

_Jup. _ Go, Sosia, round our Thebes,
To Polidas, to Tranio, and to Gripus,
Companions of our war; invite them all
To join their prayers to smooth Alcmena's brow,
And, with a solemn feast, to crown the day.

_Sos. _ [_Taking_ JUPITER _about the knees_. ] Let me embrace you, sir.
[JUPITER _pushes him away_. ] Nay, you must give me leave to express my
gratitude; I have not eaten, to say eating, nor drunk, to say drinking,
never since our villainous encamping so near the enemy. It is true, I
escaped the bloody-flux, because I had so little in my bowels to come
out; and I durst let nothing go, in conscience, because I had nothing
to swallow in the room on't.

_Jup. _ You, Bromia, see that all things be prepared, With that
magnificence, as if some god Were guest or master here.

_Sos. _ Or rather, as much as if twenty gods were to be guests or
masters here.

_Brom. _ That you may eat for to-day and to-morrow.

_Sos. _ Or, rather again, for to-day and yesterday, and as many months
backward, as I am indebted to my own belly.

_Jup. _ Away, both of you. --[_Exeunt_ SOSIA _and_ BROMIA _severally_.
Now I have packed him hence, thou other Sosia,
(Who, though thou art not present, hear'st my voice)
Be ready to attend me at my call,
And to supply his place.

_Enter_ MERCURY _to_ JUPITER; ALCMENA _and_ PHÆDRA _appear above_.

See, she appears: [_Seeing_ ALCMENA.
This is my bribe to Phædra; when I made
This gold, I made a greater God than Jove,
And gave my own omnipotence away.

JUPITER _signs to the Musicians. Song and Dance: After
which_, ALCMENA _withdraws, frowning_.


SONG.

I.

_Celia, that I once was blest
Is now the torment of my breast;
Since, to curse me, you bereave me
Of the pleasures I possest:
Cruel creature, to deceive me!
First to love, and then to leave me! _

II.

_Had you the bliss refused to grant,
Then I had never known the want:
But possessing once the blessing,
Is the cause of my complaint;
Once possessing is but tasting;
'Tis no bliss that is not lasting. _

III.

_Celia now is mine no more;
But I am her's, and must adore,
Nor to leave her will endeavour;
Charms, that captived me before,
No unkindness can dissever;
Love, that's true, is love for ever. _

_Jup. _ O stay.

_Merc. _ She's gone; and seemed to frown at parting.

_Jup. _ Follow, and thou shalt see her soon appeased;
For I, who made her, know her inward state;
No woman, once well-pleased, can throughly hate.
I gave them beauty to subdue the strong,--
A mighty empire, but it lasts not long.
I gave them pride, to make mankind their slave;
But, in exchange, to men I flattery gave.
The offending lover, when he lowest lies,
Submits, to conquer; and but kneels, to rise.




ACT IV. --SCENE I.


_Jupiter_ _following_ ALCMENA; MERCURY _and_ PHÆDRA.

_Jup. _ O stay, my dear Alcmena; hear me speak!

_Alcm. _ No, I would fly thee to the ridge of earth,
And leap the precipice, to 'scape thy sight.

_Jup. _ For pity----

_Alcm. _ Leave me, thou ungrateful man.

_Jup. _ I cannot leave you; no, but like a ghost,
Whom your unkindness murdered, will I haunt you.

_Alcm. _ Once more, be gone; I'm odious to myself,
For having loved thee once.

_Jup. _ Hate not, the best and fairest of your kind!
Nor can you hate your lover, though you would:
Your tears, that fall so gently, are but grief:
There may be anger; but there must be love.
The dove, that murmurs at her mate's neglect,
But counterfeits a coyness, to be courted.

_Alcm. _ Courtship from thee, and after such affronts!

_Jup. _ Is this that everlasting love you vowed
Last night, when I was circled in your arms?
Remember what you swore.

_Alcm.