No More Learning

whale's jaws, being generally overwashed by the sea, are almost
I am therefore fain to take up my quarters here, on condition of paying the Psettapodes an annual tribute of five hundred oysters. Such is the internal division of this country ; and you may easily conceive that it is a matter of no small concern to us, how to defend ourselves against so many nations, and at least how to live among them. "
This proposal pleased our host. We therefore repaired to our ship, and made the necessary preparations. An occasion of war we could not be at a loss for. Our host had no more to do but refuse paying the tribute, the day appointed being near at hand ; and this was accordingly agreed on. They sent to demand the tribute. He sent them packing without their errand. At this the Psettapodes and Pagurades were so in censed that with great clamor they fell furiously upon the plantation of Skintharus, — for that was the name of our new friend. As this was no more than we had expected, they found us in a condition to receive them. I had sent out a detachment consisting of half my crew, five and twenty in number, with orders to lie in ambuscade, and when the enemy had passed, to attack him in the rear ; which they did with complete success. I then with the rest of my men, also five and twenty strong (for Skintharus and his son fought with us), marched forward to oppose them ; and when we had come to close quarters, we fought with such bravery and strength that after an obstinate struggle, not without danger on our part, they were at last beat out of the field, and pursued to their dens. Of the enemy were slain a hundred threescore and ten ; on our side we lost only one, — my pilot, who was run through the shoulder by the rib of a mullet.
That day, and the night after it, we lodged in our trenches, and erected the dry backbone of a dolphin as a trophy. But the rumor of this engagement having in the mean time gone abroad, we found the next morning a fresh enemy before us : the Tarichanes under the command of a certain Pelamus in the left wing, the Thynnocephali taking the right, and the Carkino- cheires occupying the center. For the Tritonomendetes, not
uninhabited ;
"Howmanymay youbeinall? "Iasked. —"Abovea thousand. " — "What arms do you wear? " — "None but fish bones. " — "We had best then attack them," said I, " seeing we are armed and they are not. If we once for all subdue them, we may afterwards live without disturbance. "
AN ANCIENT GULLIVER. 61
liking to have anything to do with either party, chose to remain neuter. We came up to the enemy close by the temple of Neptune, where, under so great a war cry that the whole whale rebellowed with it through its immense caverns, the armies rushed to combat. Our enemies, however, being not much better than naked and unarmed, were soon put to flight and chased into the heart of the forest, whereby we became masters of the country.
They sent heralds a little while after, to fetch away their dead and propose terms of accommodation ; which, so far from thinking proper to agree to, we marched in a body against them the very next day, and put them all to the sword, except the Tritonomendetes, who, seeing how it had fared with their fellows, ran away as fast as they could to the whale's gills, and cast themselves headlong into the sea.
We now scoured the country, and finding it cleared of all enemies, we have ever since lived agreeably together, passing our time in bodily exercises and hunting, tending our vines, gathering the fruits of the trees, and living, in one word, like people who make themselves very comfortable in a spacious prison which they cannot get out of. In this manner we spent a year and eight months.
On the fifteenth day of the ninth month, however, at the second opening of the whale's chops (for this he did once every hour, by which periodical gaping we computed the hours of the day), we heard a great cry, and a noise like that of sailors, and the dashing of oars. Not a little alarmed, we crept forward to the jaws of the monster, where, standing between the teeth, where everything might be seen, we beheld one of the most astonishing spectacles, far surpassing all that I had ever seen in my whole life ; men who were five hundred feet in stature, and came sailing on islands, as if they had been on ship board. I am aware that what I am saying will be thought incredible, yet I cannot help proceeding : it must out. These islands were indeed of considerable length, one with another about eighteen miles in circumference ; but proportionally not very high. Upon each of them were some eight and twenty rowers, who, sitting in two rows on both sides, rowed with huge cypresses, having their branches and leaves on. In the after part of the ship (if I may so term it) stood the pilot on a high hill, managing a brazen rudder that might be perhaps six hundred feet long. On the forecastle about forty of them were
62
AN ANCIENT GULLIVER.
standing, armed for war, and looking in all respects like men, excepting that instead of hair they had flames of fire on their heads, and therefore had no occasion for a helmet. The place of sails on each of these islands was supplied by a thick forest, on which the wind rushing, drove and turned the island, how and whither the pilot would. By the rowers stood one that had the command over them ; and these islands moved by the help of the oar, like so many galleys, with the greatest velocity.
At first we saw only two or three ; by degrees, however, perhaps six hundred came in sight ; and after forming them selves in two lines, they began to engage in a regular sea fight. Many ran foul of each other by the stern with such force that not a few were overset by the violence of the shock, and went to the bottom. Others got entangled together, and obstinately maintained the fight with equal bravery and ardor, and could not easily be parted. The combatants on the foredeck showed the most consummate valor, leaped into the enemy's ships, and cut down all before them, for no quarter was given. Instead of grappling irons, they hurled enormous polypi fast tied to thick ropes, which clung to the forest, with their numerous arms, and thus kept the island from moving. The shot they made use of, and with which they sadly wounded one another, were oysters one of which would have completely filled a wagon, and sponges each big enough to cover an acre of ground.
By what we could gather from their mutual shouts, the commander of one fleet was called iEolocentaurus, and that of the other Thalassopotes ; and the occasion of the war, as it appeared, was given by Thalassopotes, who accused JEolocen- taurus of having stolen several shoals of dolphins from him. Certain it that the iEolocentaurian party came off victo rious, having sunk nearly hundred and fifty of their enemy's islands, and captured three others, with all the men upon them the rest sheered off, and made their escape. The conquerors, after pursuing them for some time, returned towards evening to the wrecks, made prizes of most of them, and got up their own islands for in the engagement no fewer than eighty had gone down. This done, they nailed one of the islands to the head of the whale as monument of the victory, and passed the night in the wake of the monster. On the follow ing day they got out upon the back of the whale, sacrificed to their deities, buried their dead in it, and then set sail with great jubilation.
a
;
is,
;
a
IMAGINARY CORRESPONDENCE. 68
IMAGINARY CORRESPONDENCE. By ALCIPHRON.
(Translated for this work by Forrest Morgan. )
[Alciphron (the name perhaps a pseudonym) was probably a rhetorician of Athens in the second century after Christ. He lives through a collection of imaginary letters of the Athenian lower classes in the third century B. C. , each a tableau of some aspect of that life, mostly drawn from the comic writers, but developed by his own wit. ]
The Neglected Wife.
Panope to Euthyoolus.
You married me, Euthybolus, not a cast-off woman nor one of the herd, but born of a father and mother both of good family. Sosthenes of Stiria was my father and Damophila my mother ; and they united me, your betrothed as being their sole heiress, to you in marriage to have lawful children.
But you, so free with your eyes and given up to promiscu ous amours, disgrace me and our mutual children, Galene and Thalassione, by falling in love with that emigrant creature from Hermione, whom the Piraeus took in for a mischief to beholders. The young sailors go roystering to her, each with a different gift ; and she takes it and swallows it up like Charybdis.
But you look down on fisher-gifts; you don't and won't give her sardines or mullets, say ; and though you are getting old, long since married, and father of children by no means babies, you must send her, to supplant rivals, a Milesian reticule and a Sicilian cloak, and more than all, money.
Now lower your crest, and stop being so amorous and mad after women, or rest assured I shall go back to my father, who will not neglect me, and will indict you before the judges for ill treatment of me.
Country Maiden and Prince Charming.
Q-laucippe to Oharopa.
I am no longer my own, mother, and I cannot bear to wed the one my father has lately promised me in marriage to, — the
64 IMAGINARY CORRESPONDENCE.
young fellow from Methymna, the pilot's son, — because I have seen that city youth, the vine-bearer, since you sent me off to the city when the vine-bearing festival was celebrated.
For he is beautiful, mother, beautiful, and ever so sweet, and has curls crisper than sea-moss, and smiles more charmingly than the sea at rest, and the glances of his dark-blue eyes sparkle like the sea when first lighted up by the rays of the sun. His whole face — oh, you would say the Graces had left Orchomenus and washed clean in the Argaphian fountain to dance on his cheeks. His lips are painted with roses taken from the bosom of Venus and placed on their tips.
Either I must marry him, or in imitation of the Lesbian Sappho I will throw myself — not from the Leucadian rocks but from the cliffs of Piraeus — into the waves.
Charopa to Q-laucippe.
Daughter, you are senseless and not in sound mind. You need hellebore — not indeed the common sort, but that of Anti- cyra of Phocis [reputed to cure insanity]; but when you ought to be ashamed of it, you strip your face of maiden mod esty. Be calm, and come to yourself, and recover from this frenzy, and banish that wretch from your mind. For if your father should learn anything about this story, he would throw you into the sea as food for the fishes, without hesitation or delay.
The Dog in the Manger.
Encymon to Halictypus.
When I saw a broken old net on the shore of Sunium, I asked whose it was, and how it happened that it was not put out to be filled, but right in the fishing season lay there rot ting with age.
They said it was yours four years before ; when it caught on hidden rocks under water, the knots in the middle were cut; that since then you had never cared to mend it or take it away, so it had stayed in the place, none of the neighbors daring to touch another's property.
So it has become nobody's, not merely to the people there, but to you, the owner. Therefore I ask you for what, being long since broken up, is not yours. I am sure you will give
IMAGINARY CORRESPONDENCE. 65
me cheerfully what you have abandoned as utterly destroyed, and so is no loss to you.
Halictypus to Encymon.
A neighbor's eye is hostile and envious, as the proverb has it. What are my affairs to you ? What makes you think, for sooth, that what I choose to neglect is yours ? Restrain your hands, or rather your insatiable greed, so that your appetite for others' goods won't set you asking for unreasonable presents.
Encymon to Halictypus.
I didn't ask you for what you have got, but for what you haven't got. As you don't want another man to have what you haven't got, by all means keep what you haven't got.
The Senile Gallant. Anicetus to Phoebiana.
You shun me, Phoebiana, you shun me, and that after just carrying off the whole farm. For what haven't you taken of mine ? figs, cheese in baskets, a young kid, a pair of pullets, every other delicacy — haven't you accepted them all from me ? So that all of me, as the proverb says, you have conquered and forced into your service.
Oh, you don't care a bit for me, and I burning through and through for you. But farewell — go. I can hardly bear your scorn, but bear it I will.
Phoebiana to Anicetut.
A neighbor's wife in childbirth lately had me called in ; so I betook myself to her with the helps needed in my profession. You were standing by, and must try to kiss me at once with your neck bent back.
Why don't you quit, you decrepit and worthless old man, pawing us girls in the flower of our age, like somebody just sprouting a beard ? You forsake your laborers and let your farm run down, don't you ? Haven't you been driven away from the kitchen and the fireside, you lazy hulk ?
Then how dare you look soft and play goat ? Stop it, you miserable Methuselah, and come to your senses, or when I catch you I will give you a bad time.
VOL. VII. —5
66 IMAGINARY CORRESPONDENCE.
The Unsentimental, Mistress. Philumena to Crito.
Why distress yourself writing so much ?
pieces and I don't need letters. Then if you love me, give ;
if you love your money better, don't bother me.
Hen and Duck-Child. Phyllis to Thrasonides.
Good-by.
If you were willing to be a farmer, and have sense, Thra sonides, and obey your father, you would be carrying the gods ivy and laurel and myrtle and the flowers of the season, and us, your parents, sheaves of wheat, and wine pressed from grapes, and a pailful of milk whenever you milked your goats.
But now you scorn the country and farming, and are always singing the praises of the triple-crested helmet and the shield you love, as if you were some Acarnanian or Malian mercenary.
Don't, my son, but come back here, and stick to a peaceful life (for farming is sure and safe, and has no battalions, or ambushes, or regiments), and be our support in our old age, preferring assured safety to an uncertain life.
The Envious Fellow-Workers. Lenonu to Corydon.
One day lately when I had cleaned up the threshing-floor, and put away the winnowing fan, the master came up, and seeing my industry, praised me. Just then that infamous Corycaean devil, Strombichus, appeared to me from somewhere ; and when he saw me follow the master, he picked up my heavy cloak, which I had laid down while I was at work, and went offwithitonthesly: sothatIhaveatthesametimetobear the loss and stand the jeers of my fellow-servants.
The Curious Country Boy.
I need fifty gold
Philocomug
to Thestylus.
Never having been to the town, and not knowing what the thing called a city is, I want to see this new sight, a lot of men, all living in one inclosure, and the other things in which a city differs from the country.
9#
-•Z. " . V , ,
Noonday in the Fields From the painting by Jules Breton
IMAGINARY CORRESPONDENCE. 67
So if you should have any occasion of going to the town, come and take me along. For I think I ought to know some thing of a good many things, now that the hair on my face is beginning to grow. For who is more fit to be my guide to the mysteries there than you, who have set so many things rolling inside the gates ?
The Losing Winner. Chytrolictes to Patellocharon.
What am I so doleful about, perhaps you will ask me, and where I got my broken head, and how I came to have my new
—
would that I hadn't ! for what business had I, with so little strength, getting into a
suit torn to rags ?
I won playing dice
row with a set of strapping youths ?
It was this way : When I had gathered in every pot, and
they had absolutely nothing left, they all made a dead set on me ; some pounded me with their fists, some threw stones, some tore my clothes. But I kept tight hold of the money, resolved to die rather than give up any of what I wish had been far enough off ; and indeed I held out bravely for some time, one moment standing an onslaught of hammering, the next having my fingers bent back — I was like some Spartan scourged at the altar of Orthia, [where boys were whipped to test their fortitude, and the point of honor was to not cry out].
It was not Lacedaemon where I was going through all this, though, but Athens, and among the worst gamblers in Athens at that ; so at last, beginning to faint, I let them take their ill- gotten booty. Then they went through my pockets and left, carrying off all they found in them. The fact is, I thought it was better to live without money than die with it.
The Barber's Practical Joke. Gymnochceron to Phattodardapto.
Did you see how that cursed barber scraped me on the road ? I mean that gabbing, loose-tongued fellow who has Brundisian mirrors on exhibition, who teaches ravens to talk, and beats tunes by striking carving-knives together.
When I came in and gave him my beard to shave, he re ceived me cheerily, and put me in a high chair with a new
68 IMAGINARY CORRESPONDENCE.
apron around me ; then very gently applied the razor to my lips, and cleared off the fringe of bristling hair. But he did it like a scamp and a cheat, for he cut it off only in spots, not over the whole mouth, leaving me hairy in some places and smooth in others.
Not suspecting his trickery, I went as usual uninvited to Pasion's house. As soon as the carousers saw me, they nearly died with laughter, I not knowing what they were laughing at ; finally one of them came up to me in the middle of the room and tweaked the hairs that were left.
Angrily snatching up a kitchen knife, I cut them off. I am eager to get hold of a big cudgel and whack that scoundrel over the head ; for he, though he furnishes none of my bread and butter, has dared to play me a trick which those who do furnish it would not dare.
The Fate of a Meddler.
Triclinosax to Onossotrapezo.
I told Menesilochus the Paeanian of his wife's licentious ness; but whereas he ought to have investigated by an inquiry in various methods, he like a great booby left it all to her dec laration. So she took him to the well of Callichorus in Eleusis, denied it on oath, and rid herself of the guilt.
Well, somehow he was convinced and cast aside all suspi cion. And I am ready to hold out my blabbing tongue to be cut out with a Tenedian oyster shell, by any one who wishes.
At the End of His Rope. Artepithymug to Cnisozomv. 8.
I may as well hang myself, and you will see me before long with a rope around my neck. For I am not the sort to endure blows and the other drunken brutalities of the worst kind of ruined clubmen, nor to govern this vile and gluttonous stomach — which craves not merely fullness but luxury. My face will not stand incessant pounding, and I am in danger as to my eyes, besides that of wasting away under the annoyance of the beatings. Oh, woe is me ! what are we not forced to un dergo by an omnivorous and voracious stomach ! So I have made up my mind to enjoy one sumptuous feast and spurn existence, choosing a sweet death rather than a wretched life.
A LITERARY BANQUET. 69
A LITERARY
By ATHEN^EUS.
[Athen^us, a Greek man of letters, was born at the Greek colony of Nau- cratis in Egypt ; flourished at the end of the second and beginning of the third century b. c. His one surviving work, the " Deipnosophistae " (Feast of the Learned), is of enormous value as a repertory of the social life of the Greeks, and a collection of fragments (unluckily often literarily worthless fragments) of lost comedies and poems. ]
And I will prove to you, that the ancients were acquainted
with the water which is called dicoctas, in order that you may
not be indignant again when I speak of boiled" and spiced
water. For, according to the "Pseudheracles of Phere-
crates : —
Suppose a man who thinks himself a genius
Should something say, and I should contradict him, Still trouble not yourself ; but if you please,
Listen and give your best attention.
BANQUET.
But do not grudge, I entreat you, said Ulpian, to explain to me what is the nature of that Bull's water which you spoke of ; for I have a great thirst for such words. And Cynulcus said, But I pledge you, according to your fancy ; you thirst for words, taking a desire from Alexis, out of his female Pythago rean : —
A cup of water boil'd ; for when fresh-drawn 'Tis heavy, and indigestible to drink.
But it was Sophocles, my friend, who spoke of Bull's water, in his " jEgeus," from the river Taurus near Trcezen, in the neigh borhood of which there is a fountain called Hyoessa.
But the ancients did also at times use very cold water in their draughts before dinner. But I will not tell you, unless you first teach me, whether the ancients were in the habit of drinking warm water at their banquets. For if their cups got their name from what took place in reference to them, and if they were set before the guests full of mixed liquors, then they certainly did not contain warm drink, and were not put on the fire like kettles. For that they were in the habit of drinking warm water Eupolis proves, in his " Demi " : —
Warm for us now the brazen ewer quick, And bid the slaves prepare the victims new, That we may feast upon the entrails.
70 A LITERARY BANQUET.
And Antiphanes says, in his " Omphale " : —
May I ne'er see a man Boiling me water in a bubbling pail ;
For I have no disease, and wish for none. But if I feel a pain within my stomach, Or round about my navel, why I have
A ring I lately gave a drachma for
To a most skillful doctor.
And, in his " Anointing Woman " (but this play is attributed to Alexis also), he says : —
But if you make our shop notorious,
I swear by Ceres, best of goddesses,
That I will empt the biggest ladle o'er you, Filling it with hot water from the kettle ;
And if I fail, may I ne'er drink free water more.
And Plato, in the fourth book of his " Polity," says :
in the mind must be much the same as thirst is in the body. Now, a man feels thirst for hot water or for cold ; or for much water or for a little; or perhaps, in a word, for some particular drink. And if there be any heat combined with the thirst, then that will give a desire for cold water ; but if a sensation of cold be united with it, that will engender a wish for warm water. And if by reason of the violence of the cause the thirst be great, that will give a desire for an abundant draught ; but if the thirst be small, then the man will wish for but a small draught. But the thirst itself is not a desire of anything except of the thing itself, namely, drinking. And hunger, again, is not a desire of anything else except food.
" "
And Semus the Delian, in the second book of his Nesias," or treatise on Islands, says that in the island of Cimolus, cold places are prepared by being dug out against the summer, where people may put down vessels full of warm water, and then draw them up again in no respect different from snow. But warm water is called by the Athenians metaceras, a word used by Sophilus, in his Androcles. And Alexis says, in his " Sacrians " : —
But the maid-servants poured forth water,
One pouring boiling water, and the other warm.
And Philemon, in his " Corinthian Women," uses the same word. And Amphis says, in his " Bath " : —
" Desire
A LITERARY BANQUET. 71
One called out to the slaves to bring hot water, Another shouted for metaceras.
And as the Cynic was proceeding to heap other proofs on these, Pontianus said, " The ancients, my friends, were in the habit also of drinking very cold water. " At all events Alexis says, in his " Parasite " : —
I wish to make you taste this icy water,
For I
Is colder than the Arams.
am proud of my well, whose limpid spring
And Hermippus, in his " Cercopes," calls water drawn from wells <ppearialov vBup. Moreover, that men" used to drink melted snow," too, is shown by Alexis, in his Woman eating Mandragora : —
Sure is not a man a most superfluous plant, Constantly using wondrous contradictions. Strangers we love, and our own kin neglect; Though having nothing, still we give to strangers. We bear our share in picnics, though we grudge And show our grudging by our sordidness.
And as to what concerns our daily food,
We wish our barley-cakes should white appear, And yet we make for them dark black sauce, And stain pure color with deeper dye.
Then we prepare to drink down melted snow Yet our fish be cold, we storm and rave.
Sour or acid wine we scorn and loathe,
Yet are delighted with sharp caper sauce.
And so, as many wiser men have said,
Not to be born at all best for man
The next best thing, to die as soon as possible.
And Dexicrates, in the play entitled "The Men deceived by Themselves," says —
But when I'm drunk take draught of snow, And Egypt gives me ointment for my head.
And Euthycles, in his "Prodigal Men," or "The Letter,"
says —
He first perceived that snow was worth prize He ought to be the first to eat the honeycombs.
And that excellent writer, Xenophon, in his "Memorabilia," shows that he was acquainted with the fashion of drinking
a ;
;
:
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is
:
;
if
aa
it,
72 A LITERARY BANQUET.
snow. But Chares of Mitylene, in his " History of Alexan der," has told us how we are to proceed in order to keep snow, when he is relating the siege of the Indian city Petra. For he says that Alexander dug thirty large trenches close to one another, and filled them with snow, and then he heaped on the snow branches of oak ; for that in that way snow would last a long time.
And that they used to cool wine, for the sake of drinking it in a colder state," is asserted by Strattis, in his " Psychastae," or " Cold Hunters : —
For no one ever would endure warm wine, But on the contrary, we use our wells
To cool it in, and then we mix with snow.
And Lysippus says, in his " Bacchae " : —
A. Hermon, what is the matter ? Where are we ? B. Nothing's the matter, only that your father
Has just dropt down into the well to cool himself, As men cool wine in summer.
And Diphilus says, in his " Little Monument " : — Cool the wine quick, 0 Doris.
And Protagoras, in the second book of his "Comic His tories," relating the voyage of King Antiochus down the river, says something about the contrivances for procuring cold water, in these terms : " For during the day they expose it to the sun, and then at night they skim off the thickest part which rises to the surface, and expose the rest to the air, in large earthen ewers, on the highest parts of the house, and two slaves are kept sprinkling the vessels with water the whole night. And at daybreak they bring them down, and again they skim off the sediment, making the water very thin, and exceedingly wholesome, and then they immerse the ewers in straw, and after that they use the water, which has become so cold as not to require snow to cool it. " And Anaxilas speaks of water from cisterns, in his " Flute Player," using the follow ing expressions : —
A. I want some water from a cistern now.
B. I have some here and you are welcome to it.
And, in a subsequent passage, he says : — Perhaps the cistern water is all lost.
A LITERARY BANQUET. 78
But Apollodorus of Gela mentions the cistern itself, \a/c«co? , as we call it, in his " Female Deserter," saying : —
In haste I loosed the bucket of the cistern, And then that of the well ; and took good care To have the ropes all ready to let down.
Myrtilus, hearing this conversation, said, And I too, being very fond of salt fish, my friends, wish to drink snow, according to the practice of Simonides. And Ulpian said, The word <f>i\ordpi. x^ fond of salt fish, is used by Antiphanes in his " Omphale," where he says : —
I am not anxious for salt fish, my girl.
But Alexis, in his " Gynaecocracy," speaks of one man as £o>nordpixo<;, or fond of sauce made from salt fish, saying : —
But the Cilician here, this Hippocles, This epicure of salt-fish sauce, this actor.
But what you mean by " according to the practice of Simoni des," I do not know. No ; for you do not care, said Myrtilus, to know anything about history, you glutton : for you are a mere lickplatter ; and as the Sarnian poet Asius, that ancient bard, would call you, a flatterer of fat. But Callistratus, in the seventh book of his " Miscellanies," says that Simonides, the poet, when feasting with a party at a season of violently hot weather, while the cup-bearers were pouring out, for the rest of the guests, snow into their liquor, and did not do so for him, extemporized this epigram : —
The cloak with which fierce Boreas clothed the brow Of high Olympus, pierced ill-clothed man
While in its native Thrace ; 'tis gentler now,
Caught by the breeze of the Pierian plain.
Let it be mine ; for no one will commend The man who gives hot water to a friend.
So when he had drunk, Ulpian asked him again where the word Kvi<ro\oi-xp<; is used, and also, what are the lines of Asius in which he uses the word KviaoicoXaf;. These, said Myrtilus, are the verses of Asius, to which I alluded : —
Lame, branded, old, a vagrant beggar, next Came the enisocolax, when Meles held
His marriage feast, seeking for gifts of soup, Not waiting for a friendly invitation ;
74 A LITERARY BANQUET.
There in the midst the hungry hero stood, Shaking the mud from off his ragged cloak.
And the word /ej/io-oXot^o? is used by Sophilus, in bis " Philar- chus," in this passage : —
You are a glutton, and a fat-licker.
And in the play which is entitled "The Men running Together," he has used the word icviaoXoixia in the following lines : —
That pander with his fat-licking propensities, Has bid me get for him this black blood-pudding.
Antiphanes, too, uses the word kvutoXoixos in his "Bombylium. " Now that men drank also sweet wine while eating is proved
by what Alexis says in his " Dropidas": —
The courtesan came in with sweet wine laden, In a large silver cup, named petachnon,
Most beauteous to behold. Not a flat dish, Nor long-necked bottle, but between the two.
After this a cheesecake was served up, made of milk and sesame and honey, which the Romans call libum. And Cynulcus said, Fill yourself now, O Ulpian, with your native Chthordolapsus ; a word which is not, I swear by Ceres, used by any one of the ancient writers, unless, indeed, it should chance to be found in those who have compiled histories of the affairs of Phoenicia, such as Sanchoniatho and Mochus, your own fellow-countrymen. And Ulpian said, But it seems to me, you dog-fly, that we have had quite enough of honey-cakes : but I should like to eat some groats, with a sufficient admixture of the husks and kernels of pine cones. And when that dish was brought — Give me, said he, some crust of bread hollowed out like a spoon ; for I will not say, give me a spoon (fivarpov) ; since that word is not used by any of the writers previous to our own time. You have a very bad memory, my friend, quoth ^Emilianus ; have you not always admired Nicander the Colophonian, the epic poet, as a man very fond of ancient authors, and a man, too, of very extensive learning himself? And indeed, you have already quoted him of having used the word ireirepiov, for pep
per. And this same poet, in the first book of his " Georgics," speaking of this use of groats, has used also the word fivarpov, saying : —
A LITERARY BANQUET. 76
But when you seek to dress a dainty dish
Of new-slain kid, or tender house-fed lamb,
Or poultry, take some unripe grains and pound them, And strew them all in hollow plates, and stir them, Mingled with fragrant oil. Then pour thereon
Warm broth, which take from out the dish before you, That it be not too hot, and so boil over.
Then put thereon a lid, for when they're roasted,
The grains swell mightily; then slowly eat them, Putting them to your mouth with hollow spoon.
In these words, my fine fellow, Nicander describes to us the way in which they ate groats and peeled barley ; bidding the eater pour on it soup made of kid or lamb, or of some poul try or other. Then, says he, pound the grains in a mortar, and, having mingled oil with them, stir them up till they boil ; and mix in the broth made after this recipe as it gets warm, making it thicker with the spoon ; and do not pour in any thing else ; but take the broth out of the dish before you, so as to guard against any of the more fatty parts boiling over. And it is for this reason, too, that he charges us to keep it close while it is boiling, by putting the lid on the dish ; for that barley grains, when roasted or heated, swell very much. And at last, when it is moderately warm, we are to eat it, taking it up in hollow spoons.
And Hippolochus the Macedonian, in his letter to Lynceus, in which he gives an account of some Macedonian banquet which surpassed all the feasts which had ever been heard of in extravagance, speaks of golden spoons (which he also calls fivarpa), having been given to each of the guests. But since you, my friend, wish to set up for a great admirer of the ancients, and say that you never use any expressions which are not the purest Attic, what is it that Nicophon says, — the poet, I mean, of the old comedy, in his " Cherogastores," or the " Men who feed themselves by Manual Labor " ? For I find him, too, speaking of spoons, and using the fiva-rpov, when he says : —
Dealers in anchovies, dealers in wine ;
Dealers in figs, and dealers in hides ;
Dealers in meal, and dealers in spoons (jiwrrpum^Xrfi), Dealers in books, and dealers in sieves ;
Dealers in cheesecakes, and dealers in seeds :
For who can the p. v<TTpioira>\ai be, but the men who sell fivcrrpa ? So, learning from them, my fine Syrian- Atticist, the use of the spoon, pray eat your groats, that you may not say : —
76 A LITERARY BANQUET.
But I am languid, weak for want of food.
In Macedonia, then, as I have said, Caranus made a mar riage feast ; and the guests invited were twenty in number. And as soon as they had sat down, a silver bowl was given to each of them as a present. And Caranus had previously crowned every one of them, before they entered the dining room, with a golden chaplet, and each chaplet was valued at five pieces of gold. And when they had emptied the bowls, then there was given to each of the guests a loaf in a brazen platter of Corinthian workmanship, of the same size ; and poultry and ducks, and, besides that, pigeons and a goose, and quantities more of the same kind of food heaped up abun dantly. And each of the guests taking what was set before him, with the brazen platter itself also, gave it to the slaves who waited behind him. Many other dishes of various sorts were also served up to eat. And after them, a second platter was placed before each guest, made of silver, on which again there was placed a second large loaf, and on that geese, and hares, and kids, and other rolls curiously made, and doves, and turtle-doves, and partridges, and every other kind of bird im aginable, in the greatest abundance. Those also, says Hippolo- chus, we gave to the slaves ; and when we had eaten to satiety, we washed our hands, and chaplets were brought in in great numbers, made of all sorts of flowers from all countries, and on each chaplet a circlet of gold, of about the same weight as the first chaplet. And Hippolochus having stated after this that Proteas, the descendant of that celebrated Proteas, the son of Lanice, who had been the nurse of Alexander the king, was a most extraordinary drinker, as also his grandfather Proteas, who was the friend of Alexander, had been; and that he pledged every one present, proceeds to write as follows :—
"And while we were now all amusing ourselves with agree able trifling, some flute-playing women and musicians, and some Rhodian players on the sambuca come in, naked as I fan cied, but some said they had tunics on. And they having played a prelude, departed ; and others came in in succession, each of them bearing two bottles of perfume, bound with a golden thong, and one of the cruets was silver and the other gold, each holding a cotyla, and they presented them to each of the guests. And then, instead of supper, there was brought in a great treasure, a silver platter with a golden edge of no inconsiderable depth, of such a size as to receive the entire
A LITERARY BANQUET. 77
bulk of a roast boar of huge size, which lay in it on his back, showing his belly uppermost, stuffed with many good things. For in the belly there were roasted thrushes, and paunches, a most countless number of figpeckers, and the yolks of eggs spread on the top, and oysters, and periwinkles. And to every one of the guests was presented a boar stuffed in this way, nice and hot, together with the dish on which he was served up. And after this we drank wine, and each of us received a hot kid, on another platter like that on which the boar had been served up, with some golden spoons. Then Caranus seeing that we were cramped for the want of room, ordered canisters and bread-baskets to be given to each of us, made of strips of ivory curiously plaited together ; and we were very much de lighted at all this, and applauded the bridegroom, by whose means we were thus enabled to preserve what had been given to us. Then chaplets were again brought to us, and another pair of cruets of perfume, one silver and one gold, of the same weight as the former pair. And when quiet was restored, there entered some men, who even in the Potfeast at Athens had borne a part in the solemnities, and with them there came in some ithyphallic dancers and some jugglers and some con juring women also, tumbling and standing on their heads on swords, and vomiting fire out of their mouths, and they, too, were naked.
" And when we were relieved from their exhibitions then we had a fresh drink offered to us, hot and strong, and Thasian and Mendaean and Lesbian wines were placed upon the board, very large golden goblets being brought to every one of us. And after we had drunk, a glass goblet of two cubits in diam eter, placed on a silver stand, was served up full of roast fishes of every imaginable sort that could be collected. And there was also given to every one a silver bread-basket full of Cap- padocian loaves ; some of which we ate and some we delivered to the slaves behind us. And when we had washed our hands, we put on chaplets ; and then again we received golden circlets twice as large as the former ones, and another pair of cruets of perfume. And when quiet was restored, Proteas leaping up from his couch, asked for a cup to hold a gallon; and hav ing filled it with Thasian wine, and having mingled a little water with it, he drank it off, saying : ' He who drinks most will be the happiest,' and Caranus said : ' Since you have been the first to drink, do you be the first also to accept
78
A LITERARY BANQUET.
the cup as a gift ; and this also shall be the present for all the rest who drink too. ' And when this had been said, at once nine of the guests rose up, snatching at the cups, and each one trying to forestall the other. But one of those who were of the party, like an unlucky man as he was, as he was unable to drink, sat down and cried because he had no goblet ; and so Caranus presented him with an empty goblet. After this, a dancing party of a hundred men came in, singing an epithal- amium in beautiful tune. And after them there came in danc ing girls, some arranged so as to represent the nereids, and others in the guise of the nymphs.
"And as the drinking went on, and the shadows were be ginning to fall, they opened the chamber where everything was encircled all round with white cloths. And when these cur tains were drawn, the torches appeared, the partitions having been secretly removed by mechanism. And there were seen Cupids and Dianas and Pans and Mercuries and numbers of statues of that kind, holding torches in silver candlesticks. And while we were admiring the ingenuity of the contrivance, some real Erymanthean boars were brought round to each of the guests on square platters with golden edges, pierced through and through with silver darts, and what was the strangest thing of all was, that those of us who were almost helpless and stupefied with wine, the moment that we saw any of these things which were brought in, became all in a moment sober, standing upright, as it is said. And so the slaves crammed them into the baskets of good omen, until the usual signal of the termination of the feast sounded. For you know that that is the Macedonian custom at large parties.
" And Caranus, who had begun drinking in small goblets, ordered the slaves to bring round the wine rapidly. And so we drank pleasantly, taking our present liquor as a sort of antidote to our previous hard drinking. And while we were thus engaged, Mandrogenes the buffoon came in, the descend ant, as is reported, of that celebrated Strato, the Athenian, and he caused us much laughter. And after this he danced with his wife, a woman who was already more than eighty years of age. And at last the tables, to wind up the whole entertainment, were brought in. And sweetmeats in plaited baskets made of ivory were distributed to every one. And cheesecakes of every kind known ; Cretan cheesecakes, and your Samian ones, my friend Lynceus, and Attic ones, with the
A LITERARY BANQUET. 79
proper boxes or dishes, suitable to each kind of confection. And after this we all rose up and departed, quite sobered, by Jove, by the thoughts of and our anxiety about the treasures which we had received.
" But you who never go out of Athens think yourself happy when you hear the precepts of Theophrastus, and when you eat thymes, and salads, and nice twisted loaves, solemnizing the Lenaean festival, and the Potfeast at the Anthesteria. But at the banquet of Caranus, instead of our portions of meat, we carried off actual riches, and are now looking, some for houses, and some for lands, and some of us are seeking to buy slaves. "
Now if you consider this, my friend Timocrates, with which of the Greek feasts that you ever heard of do you think this banquet, which has just been described to you, can be com pared? When even Antiphanes, the comic writer, jokingly said in the " CEnomaus," or perhaps it is in the " Pelops " : —
What could the Greeks, of sparing tables fond, Eaters of salads, do ? where you may get
Four scanty chops or steaks for one small penny. But among the ancestors of our nation
Men roasted oxen, deer, and lambs entire, And last of all the cook, outdoing all
His predecessors, set before the king
A roasted camel, smoking, hump and all.
And Aristophanes, in his "Acharnians," extolling the magnifi cence of the barbarians, says : —
A. Then he received me, and to dinner asked me, And set before us whole fat oxen roasted.
B. Who ever saw a roasted ox ? The braggart !
A. I'll take my oath he likewise put on table A bird three times as burly as Cleonymus ;
Its name, I well remember, was Th' Impostor.
And Anaxandrides, in his " Protesilaus," ridiculing the feast made at the marriage of Iphicrates when he married the daugh ter of Cotys, king of the Thracians, says : —
Ifyou do this as Ibid you, You will ask us all to a supper, Not to such as that in Thrace,
Given by Iphicrates — Though, indeed, they say that
Was a very noble feast.
A LITERARY BANQUET.
For that all along the market
Purple carpets there were spread
To the northern corner ;
And a countless host of men
With dirty hands and hair uncomb'd Supped on butter. There were, too, Brazen goblets, large as cisterns, Holding plenty for a dozen
Of the hardest drinkers known.
Cotys, too, himself was there,
Girt around, and bearing kindly
Rich soup in a gold tureen ;
Tasting all the brimming cups,
So as to be the first to yield
Of all the guests t' intoxication.
There was Antigenides
Delighting all with his soft flute.
Argas sung, and from Acharnae Cephisodotus struck the lyre, Celebrating Lacedaemon
And the wide land of the Heraclidae, And at other times they sung
Of the seven-gated Thebes,
Changing thus their strain and theme. Large was the dowry which 'tis said Fell to the lucky bridegroom's share : First, two herds of chestnut horses, And a herd of horned goats,
A golden shield, a wide-necked bowl,
A jar of snow, a pot of millet,
A deep pit full of leeks and onions, And a hecatomb of polypi.
This they say that Cotys did,
King of Thrace, in heartfelt joy
At Iphicrates' wedding.
But a finer feast by far
Shall be in our master's houses ;
For there's nothing good or fine
Which our house does stand in need of. There is scent of Syrian myrrh,
There is incense, there is spice ;
There are delicate cakes and loaves, Cakes of meal and polypi,
Tripe, and fat, and sausages,
Soup, and beet, and figs, and pease,
A LITERARY BANQUET. 81
Garlic, various kinds of tunnies,
Ptisan, pulse, and toast, and muffins, Beans, and various kinds of vetches, Honey, cheese, and cheesecakes, too, Wheat, and nuts, and barley-groats, Roasted crabs, and mullets boiled,
Roasted cuttle-fish, boiled turbot,
Frogs, and perch, and mussels, too,
Sharks, and roach, and gudgeons, too,
Fish from doves and cuckoos named, Plaice and flounders, shrimps and rays. Then, besides these dainty fish,
There is many another dish, — Honeycombs and juicy grapes,
Figs and cheesecakes, apples, pears, Cornels, and the red pomegranate,
Poppies, creeping thyme, and parsley, Peaches, olives, plums, and raisins,
Leeks and onions, cabbages,
Strong-smelling asafetida,
Fennel, eggs, and lentils cool,
And well-roasted grasshoppers,
Cardamums and sesame,
Ceryces, salt, and limpets firm,
The pinna, and the oyster bright,
The periwinkle, and the whelk ; — And, besides this, a crowd of birds,
Doves and ducks, and geese, and sparrows, Thrushes, larks, and jays, and swans,
The pelican, the crane, and stork,
Wagtails and ousels, tits and finches ;
And to wash all these dainties down, There's wine, both native and imported, White and red, and sweet and acid,
Still or effervescent.
But Lynceus, in his "Centaur," ridiculing the Attic ban quets, says : —
A. You cook, the man who makes the sacrifice And seeks now to receive me as my host,
Is one of Rhodes. And I, the guest invited,
Am called a citizen of fair Perinthus.
And neither of us likes the Attic suppers,
For melancholy is an Attic humor ;
May it be always foreign unto me.
VOL. VII. —6
82
A LITERARY BANQUET.
They place upon the table a large platter Holding five smaller plates within its space : One full of garlic, while another holds
Two boiled sea-urchins ; in the third, a cake ; The fourth displays ten cockles to the guest; The last has caviar. While I eat this,
He falls on that; or while he dines on this, I make that other dish to disappear.
But I would rather eat up both myself, Only I cannot go beyond my powers ;
For I have not five mouths nor twice five lips. True, these detain the eyes with various sights, But looking at them is not eating them :
I but appease my eyes and not my belly.
What shall I do then ? Have you oysters ? Give me A plate of them, I beg; and that a large one.
Have you some urchins ?
B. Here's a dish of them
To which you're welcome ; this I bought myself, And paid eight obols for it in the market.
A. Put then this dish on table by itself, That all may eat the same at once, and not
One half the guests eat one thing, half another.
But Dromeas, the parasite, when some one once asked him, as Hegesander the Delphian relates, whether the banquets in the city or at Chalcis were the best, said that the prelude to the banquets at Chalcis was superior to the whole entertain ment in the city, calling the multitudes of oysters served up, and the great variety of fish, the prelude to the banquet.
But Diphilus, in his " Female Deserter," introduces a cook, and represents him as saying : —
A. What is the number of the guests invited To this fine marriage feast ? And are they all Athenian citizens, or are there some
Foreigners and merchants ?
B. What is that to you,
Since you are but the cook to dress the dinner ?
A. It is the first part of my art, O father, To know the taste of those who are to eat.
For instance, if you ask a Rhodian,
Set a fine shad or lebias before him,
Well boiled and hot, the moment that he enters. That's what he likes ; he'll like it better so Than if you add a cup of myrine wine.
A LITERARY BANQUET. 83
A. Well, that idea of shads is not a bad one.
B. Then, if a Byzantine should be your guest, Steep all you offer such a man in wormwood.
And let your dishes taste of salt and garlic,
For fish are all so plenty in their country
That the men all are full of rheum and phlegm.
And Menander says, in his " Trophonius " : —
A. This feast is for a guest's reception.
B. What guest ? whence comes he ? For those points,
believe me,
Do make a mighty difference to the cook.
For instance, if some guests from the islands come, Who always feed on fish of every sort
Fresh from the sea, such men like not salt dishes,
But think them makeshifts. Give such men their food Well-seasoned, forced, and stuffed with choicest spices. But if you ask a guest from Arcady,
He is a stranger to the sea, and loves
Limpets and shellfish ; but the rich Ionian
Will look at naught but Lydian luxuries,
Bich, stimulating, amatory meats.
The ancients used food calculated to provoke the appetite, as, for instance, salt olives, which they call " colymbades " ; and accordingly Aristophanes says, in his " Old Age " : —
Old man, do you like flabby courtesans,
Or tender maidens, firm as well-cured olives ?
And Philemon, in his " Follower, or Sauce," says : —
A. What did you think, I pray, of that boiled fish ?
B. He was but small ; dost hear me ? And the pickle Was white and much too thick ; there was no smell
Of any spice or seasoning at all,
So that the guests cried out, " How pure your brine is ! "
They also ate common grasshoppers and the monkey grass hopper as provocatives of the appetite. Aristophanes says, in his " Anagyrus " : —
How can you, in God's name, like grasshoppers, Catching them with a reed, and cercopes ?
But the cercope is a little animal like a grasshopper or prickly roach, as Speusippus tells us in the fourth book of his
84 A LITERARY BANQUET.
" Similitudes " ; and Epilycus mentions them in his " Coralis- cus. " And Alexis says, in his " Thrason " : —
I never saw, not even a cercope,
A greater chatterer than you, O woman,
Nor jay, or nightingale, or dove, or grasshopper.
And Nicostratus says, in his " Abra " : —
The first, a mighty dish shall lead the way, Holding an urchin, and some sauce and capers, A cheesecake, fish, and onions in rich stuffing.