[with intense
conviction]
You are a brute, Jack.
Man and Superman- A Comedy and a Philosophy by Bernard Shaw
Infamous, abandoned woman!
Devil!
ANN. Boa-constrictor! Elephant!
TANNER. Hypocrite!
ANN. [Softly] I must be, for my future husband's sake.
TANNER. For mine! [Correcting himself savagely] I mean for his.
ANN. [ignoring the correction] Yes, for yours. You had better marry what
you call a hypocrite, Jack. Women who are not hypocrites go about in
rational dress and are insulted and get into all sorts of hot water. And
then their husbands get dragged in too, and live in continual dread of
fresh complications. Wouldn't you prefer a wife you could depend on?
TANNER. No, a thousand times no: hot water is the revolutionist's
element. You clean men as you clean milkpails, by scalding them.
ANN. Cold water has its uses too. It's healthy.
TANNER. [despairingly] Oh, you are witty: at the supreme moment the Life
Force endows you with every quality. Well, I too can be a hypocrite.
Your father's will appointed me your guardian, not your suitor. I shall
be faithful to my trust.
ANN. [in low siren tones] He asked me who would I have as my guardian
before he made that will. I chose you!
TANNER. The will is yours then! The trap was laid from the beginning.
ANN. [concentrating all her magic] From the beginning from our
childhood--for both of us--by the Life Force.
TANNER. I will not marry you. I will not marry you.
ANN. Oh; you will, you will.
TANNER. I tell you, no, no, no.
ANN. I tell you, yes, yes, yes.
TANNER. NO.
ANN. [coaxing--imploring--almost exhausted] Yes. Before it is too late
for repentance. Yes.
TANNER. [struck by the echo from the past] When did all this happen to
me before? Are we two dreaming?
ANN. [suddenly losing her courage, with an anguish that she does not
conceal] No. We are awake; and you have said no: that is all.
TANNER. [brutally] Well?
ANN. Well, I made a mistake: you do not love me.
TANNER. [seizing her in his arms] It is false: I love you. The Life
Force enchants me: I have the whole world in my arms when I clasp you.
But I am fighting for my freedom, for my honor, for myself, one and
indivisible.
ANN. Your happiness will be worth them all.
TANNER. You would sell freedom and honor and self for happiness?
ANN. It will not be all happiness for me. Perhaps death.
TANNER. [groaning] Oh, that clutch holds and hurts. What have you
grasped in me? Is there a father's heart as well as a mother's?
ANN. Take care, Jack: if anyone comes while we are like this, you will
have to marry me.
TANNER. If we two stood now on the edge of a precipice, I would hold you
tight and jump.
ANN. [panting, failing more and more under the strain] Jack: let me go.
I have dared so frightfully--it is lasting longer than I thought. Let me
go: I can't bear it.
TANNER. Nor I. Let it kill us.
ANN. Yes: I don't care. I am at the end of my forces. I don't care. I
think I am going to faint.
At this moment Violet and Octavius come from the villa with Mrs
Whitefield, who is wrapped up for driving. Simultaneously Malone and
Ramsden, followed by Mendoza and Straker, come in through the little
gate in the paling. Tanner shamefacedly releases Ann, who raises her
hand giddily to her forehead.
MALONE. Take care. Something's the matter with the lady.
RAMSDEN. What does this mean?
VIOLET. [running between Ann and Tanner] Are you ill?
ANN. [reeling, with a supreme effort] I have promised to marry Jack.
[She swoons. Violet kneels by her and chafes her band. Tanner runs round
to her other hand, and tries to lift her bead. Octavius goes to Violet's
assistance, but does not know what to do. Mrs Whitefield hurries back
into the villa. Octavius, Malone and Ramsden run to Ann and crowd round
her, stooping to assist. Straker coolly comes to Ann's feet, and Mendoza
to her head, both upright and self-possessed].
STRAKER. Now then, ladies and gentlemen: she don't want a crowd round
her: she wants air--all the air she can git. If you please, gents--
[Malone and Ramsden allow him to drive them gently past Ann and up
the lawn towards the garden, where Octavius, who has already become
conscious of his uselessness, joins them. Straker, following them up,
pauses for a moment to instruct Tanner]. Don't lift er ed, Mr Tanner:
let it go flat so's the blood can run back into it.
MENDOZA. He is right, Mr Tanner. Trust to the air of the Sierra. [He
withdraws delicately to the garden steps].
TANNER. [rising] I yield to your superior knowledge of physiology,
Henry. [He withdraws to the corner of the lawn; and Octavius immediately
hurries down to him].
TAVY. [aside to Tanner, grasping his hand] Jack: be very happy.
TANNER. [aside to Tavy] I never asked her. It is a trap for me. [He goes
up the lawn towards the garden. Octavius remains petrified].
MENDOZA. [intercepting Mrs Whitefield, who comes from the villa with a
glass of brandy] What is this, madam [he takes it from her]?
MRS WHITEFIELD. A little brandy.
MENDOZA. The worst thing you could give her. Allow me. [He swallows it].
Trust to the air of the Sierra, madam.
For a moment the men all forget Ann and stare at Mendoza.
ANN. [in Violet's ear, clutching her round the neck] Violet, did Jack
say anything when I fainted?
VIOLET. No.
ANN. Ah! [with a sigh of intense relief she relapses].
MRS WHITEFIELD. Oh, she's fainted again.
They are about to rush back to her; but Mendoza stops them with a
warning gesture.
ANN. [supine] No I haven't. I'm quite happy.
TANNER. [suddenly walking determinedly to her, and snatching her hand
from Violet to feel her pulse] Why, her pulse is positively bounding.
Come, getup. What nonsense! Up with you. [He gets her up summarily].
ANN. Yes: I feel strong enough now. But you very nearly killed me, Jack,
for all that.
MALONE. A rough wooer, eh? They're the best sort, Miss Whitefield.
I congratulate Mr Tanner; and I hope to meet you and him as frequent
guests at the Abbey.
ANN. Thank you. [She goes past Malone to Octavius] Ricky Ticky Tavy:
congratulate me. [Aside to him] I want to make you cry for the last
time.
TAVY. [steadfastly] No more tears. I am happy in your happiness. And I
believe in you in spite of everything.
RAMSDEN. [coming between Malone and Tanner] You are a happy man, Jack
Tanner. I envy you.
MENDOZA. [advancing between Violet and Tanner] Sir: there are two
tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is
to get it. Mine and yours, sir.
TANNER. Mr Mendoza: I have no heart's desires. Ramsden: it is very easy
for you to call me a happy man: you are only a spectator. I am one of
the principals; and I know better. Ann: stop tempting Tavy, and come
back to me.
ANN. [complying] You are absurd, Jack. [She takes his proffered arm].
TANNER. [continuing] I solemnly say that I am not a happy man. Ann looks
happy; but she is only triumphant, successful, victorious. That is not
happiness, but the price for which the strong sell their happiness. What
we have both done this afternoon is to renounce tranquillity, above all
renounce the romantic possibilities of an unknown future, for the cares
of a household and a family. I beg that no man may seize the occasion to
get half drunk and utter imbecile speeches and coarse pleasantries at my
expense. We propose to furnish our own house according to our own taste;
and I hereby give notice that the seven or eight travelling clocks,
the four or five dressing cases, the salad bowls, the carvers and
fish slices, the copy of Tennyson in extra morocco, and all the other
articles you are preparing to heap upon us, will be instantly sold, and
the proceeds devoted to circulating free copies of the Revolutionist's
Handbook. The wedding will take place three days after our return
to England, by special license, at the office of the district
superintendent registrar, in the presence of my solicitor and his clerk,
who, like his clients, will be in ordinary walking dress.
VIOLET.
[with intense conviction] You are a brute, Jack.
ANN. [looking at him with fond pride and caressing his arm] Never mind
her, dear. Go on talking.
TANNER. Talking!
Universal laughter.
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ANN. Boa-constrictor! Elephant!
TANNER. Hypocrite!
ANN. [Softly] I must be, for my future husband's sake.
TANNER. For mine! [Correcting himself savagely] I mean for his.
ANN. [ignoring the correction] Yes, for yours. You had better marry what
you call a hypocrite, Jack. Women who are not hypocrites go about in
rational dress and are insulted and get into all sorts of hot water. And
then their husbands get dragged in too, and live in continual dread of
fresh complications. Wouldn't you prefer a wife you could depend on?
TANNER. No, a thousand times no: hot water is the revolutionist's
element. You clean men as you clean milkpails, by scalding them.
ANN. Cold water has its uses too. It's healthy.
TANNER. [despairingly] Oh, you are witty: at the supreme moment the Life
Force endows you with every quality. Well, I too can be a hypocrite.
Your father's will appointed me your guardian, not your suitor. I shall
be faithful to my trust.
ANN. [in low siren tones] He asked me who would I have as my guardian
before he made that will. I chose you!
TANNER. The will is yours then! The trap was laid from the beginning.
ANN. [concentrating all her magic] From the beginning from our
childhood--for both of us--by the Life Force.
TANNER. I will not marry you. I will not marry you.
ANN. Oh; you will, you will.
TANNER. I tell you, no, no, no.
ANN. I tell you, yes, yes, yes.
TANNER. NO.
ANN. [coaxing--imploring--almost exhausted] Yes. Before it is too late
for repentance. Yes.
TANNER. [struck by the echo from the past] When did all this happen to
me before? Are we two dreaming?
ANN. [suddenly losing her courage, with an anguish that she does not
conceal] No. We are awake; and you have said no: that is all.
TANNER. [brutally] Well?
ANN. Well, I made a mistake: you do not love me.
TANNER. [seizing her in his arms] It is false: I love you. The Life
Force enchants me: I have the whole world in my arms when I clasp you.
But I am fighting for my freedom, for my honor, for myself, one and
indivisible.
ANN. Your happiness will be worth them all.
TANNER. You would sell freedom and honor and self for happiness?
ANN. It will not be all happiness for me. Perhaps death.
TANNER. [groaning] Oh, that clutch holds and hurts. What have you
grasped in me? Is there a father's heart as well as a mother's?
ANN. Take care, Jack: if anyone comes while we are like this, you will
have to marry me.
TANNER. If we two stood now on the edge of a precipice, I would hold you
tight and jump.
ANN. [panting, failing more and more under the strain] Jack: let me go.
I have dared so frightfully--it is lasting longer than I thought. Let me
go: I can't bear it.
TANNER. Nor I. Let it kill us.
ANN. Yes: I don't care. I am at the end of my forces. I don't care. I
think I am going to faint.
At this moment Violet and Octavius come from the villa with Mrs
Whitefield, who is wrapped up for driving. Simultaneously Malone and
Ramsden, followed by Mendoza and Straker, come in through the little
gate in the paling. Tanner shamefacedly releases Ann, who raises her
hand giddily to her forehead.
MALONE. Take care. Something's the matter with the lady.
RAMSDEN. What does this mean?
VIOLET. [running between Ann and Tanner] Are you ill?
ANN. [reeling, with a supreme effort] I have promised to marry Jack.
[She swoons. Violet kneels by her and chafes her band. Tanner runs round
to her other hand, and tries to lift her bead. Octavius goes to Violet's
assistance, but does not know what to do. Mrs Whitefield hurries back
into the villa. Octavius, Malone and Ramsden run to Ann and crowd round
her, stooping to assist. Straker coolly comes to Ann's feet, and Mendoza
to her head, both upright and self-possessed].
STRAKER. Now then, ladies and gentlemen: she don't want a crowd round
her: she wants air--all the air she can git. If you please, gents--
[Malone and Ramsden allow him to drive them gently past Ann and up
the lawn towards the garden, where Octavius, who has already become
conscious of his uselessness, joins them. Straker, following them up,
pauses for a moment to instruct Tanner]. Don't lift er ed, Mr Tanner:
let it go flat so's the blood can run back into it.
MENDOZA. He is right, Mr Tanner. Trust to the air of the Sierra. [He
withdraws delicately to the garden steps].
TANNER. [rising] I yield to your superior knowledge of physiology,
Henry. [He withdraws to the corner of the lawn; and Octavius immediately
hurries down to him].
TAVY. [aside to Tanner, grasping his hand] Jack: be very happy.
TANNER. [aside to Tavy] I never asked her. It is a trap for me. [He goes
up the lawn towards the garden. Octavius remains petrified].
MENDOZA. [intercepting Mrs Whitefield, who comes from the villa with a
glass of brandy] What is this, madam [he takes it from her]?
MRS WHITEFIELD. A little brandy.
MENDOZA. The worst thing you could give her. Allow me. [He swallows it].
Trust to the air of the Sierra, madam.
For a moment the men all forget Ann and stare at Mendoza.
ANN. [in Violet's ear, clutching her round the neck] Violet, did Jack
say anything when I fainted?
VIOLET. No.
ANN. Ah! [with a sigh of intense relief she relapses].
MRS WHITEFIELD. Oh, she's fainted again.
They are about to rush back to her; but Mendoza stops them with a
warning gesture.
ANN. [supine] No I haven't. I'm quite happy.
TANNER. [suddenly walking determinedly to her, and snatching her hand
from Violet to feel her pulse] Why, her pulse is positively bounding.
Come, getup. What nonsense! Up with you. [He gets her up summarily].
ANN. Yes: I feel strong enough now. But you very nearly killed me, Jack,
for all that.
MALONE. A rough wooer, eh? They're the best sort, Miss Whitefield.
I congratulate Mr Tanner; and I hope to meet you and him as frequent
guests at the Abbey.
ANN. Thank you. [She goes past Malone to Octavius] Ricky Ticky Tavy:
congratulate me. [Aside to him] I want to make you cry for the last
time.
TAVY. [steadfastly] No more tears. I am happy in your happiness. And I
believe in you in spite of everything.
RAMSDEN. [coming between Malone and Tanner] You are a happy man, Jack
Tanner. I envy you.
MENDOZA. [advancing between Violet and Tanner] Sir: there are two
tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is
to get it. Mine and yours, sir.
TANNER. Mr Mendoza: I have no heart's desires. Ramsden: it is very easy
for you to call me a happy man: you are only a spectator. I am one of
the principals; and I know better. Ann: stop tempting Tavy, and come
back to me.
ANN. [complying] You are absurd, Jack. [She takes his proffered arm].
TANNER. [continuing] I solemnly say that I am not a happy man. Ann looks
happy; but she is only triumphant, successful, victorious. That is not
happiness, but the price for which the strong sell their happiness. What
we have both done this afternoon is to renounce tranquillity, above all
renounce the romantic possibilities of an unknown future, for the cares
of a household and a family. I beg that no man may seize the occasion to
get half drunk and utter imbecile speeches and coarse pleasantries at my
expense. We propose to furnish our own house according to our own taste;
and I hereby give notice that the seven or eight travelling clocks,
the four or five dressing cases, the salad bowls, the carvers and
fish slices, the copy of Tennyson in extra morocco, and all the other
articles you are preparing to heap upon us, will be instantly sold, and
the proceeds devoted to circulating free copies of the Revolutionist's
Handbook. The wedding will take place three days after our return
to England, by special license, at the office of the district
superintendent registrar, in the presence of my solicitor and his clerk,
who, like his clients, will be in ordinary walking dress.
VIOLET.
[with intense conviction] You are a brute, Jack.
ANN. [looking at him with fond pride and caressing his arm] Never mind
her, dear. Go on talking.
TANNER. Talking!
Universal laughter.
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