No More Learning

You by whom my youth was destroyed--who have built up your life
upon the ruins of mine! Would I could kill you! "

And the daughter spoke, and she said: "O hateful woman, selfish
and old! Who stand between my freer self and me! Who would have
my life an echo of your own faded life! Would you were dead! "

At that moment a cock crew, and both women awoke. The mother said
gently, "Is that you, darling? " And the daughter answered gently,
"Yes, dear. "





The Wise Dog




One day there passed by a company of cats a wise dog.

And as he came near and saw that they were very intent and heeded
him not, he stopped.

Then there arose in the midst of the company a large, grave cat and
looked upon them and said, "Brethren, pray ye; and when ye have
prayed again and yet again, nothing doubting, verily then it shall
rain mice. "

And when the dog heard this he laughed in his heart and turned from
them saying, "O blind and foolish cats, has it not been written and
have I not known and my fathers before me, that that which raineth
for prayer and faith and supplication is not mice but bones. "





The Two Hermits




Upon a lonely mountain, there lived two hermits who worshipped God
and loved one another.

Now these two hermits had one earthen bowl, and this was their only
possession.

One day an evil spirit entered into the heart of the older hermit
and he came to the younger and said, "It is long that we have
lived together. The time has come for us to part. Let us divide
our possessions. "

Then the younger hermit was saddened and he said, "It grieves
me, Brother, that thou shouldst leave me. But if thou must needs
go, so be it," and he brought the earthen bowl and gave it to him
saying, "We cannot divide it, Brother, let it be thine. "

Then the older hermit said, "Charity I will not accept. I will
take nothing but mine own. It must be divided. "

And the younger one said, "If the bowl be broken, of what use would
it be to thee or to me? If it be thy pleasure let us rather cast
a lot. "

But the older hermit said again, "I will have but justice and mine
own, and I will not trust justice and mine own to vain chance. The
bowl must be divided. "

Then the younger hermit could reason no further and he said, "If
it be indeed thy will, and if even so thou wouldst have it let us
now break the bowl. "

But the face of the older hermit grew exceedingly dark, and he
cried, "O thou cursed coward, thou wouldst not fight. "





On Giving and Taking




Once there lived a man who had a valley-full of needles. And one
day the mother of Jesus came to him and said: "Friend, my son's
garment is torn and I must needs mend it before he goeth to the
temple. Wouldst thou not give me a needle? "

And he gave her not a needle, but he gave her a learned discourse
on Giving and Taking to carry to her son before he should go to
the temple.





The Seven Selves




In the stillest hour of the night, as I lay half asleep, my seven
selves sat together and thus conversed in whisper:

First Self: Here, in this madman, I have dwelt all these years,
with naught to do but renew his pain by day and recreate his sorrow
by night. I can bear my fate no longer, and now I rebel.

Second Self: Yours is a better lot than mine, brother, for it is
given to me to be this madman's joyous self. I laugh his laughter
and sing his happy hours, and with thrice winged feet I dance
his brighter thoughts. It is I that would rebel against my weary
existence.

Why would you rebel?

He rebels because he can bear his fate no longer.



Third Self: And what of me, the love-ridden self, the flaming brand
of wild passion and fantastic desires? It is I the love-sick self
who would rebel against this madman.

Fourth Self: I, amongst you all, am the most miserable, for naught
was given me but odious hatred and destructive loathing. It is
I, the tempest-like self, the one born in the black caves of Hell,
who would protest against serving this madman.

Fifth Self: Nay, it is I, the thinking self, the fanciful self,
the self of hunger and thirst, the one doomed to wander without
rest in search of unknown things and things not yet created; it is
I, not you, who would rebel.

Sixth Self: And I, the working self, the pitiful labourer, who,
with patient hands, and longing eyes, fashion the days into images
and give the formless elements new and eternal forms--it is I, the
solitary one, who would rebel against this restless madman.

Seventh Self: How strange that you all would rebel against this
man, because each and every one of you has a preordained fate to
fulfill. Ah! could I but be like one of you, a self with a determined
lot! But I have none, I am the do-nothing self, the one who sits
in the dumb, empty nowhere and nowhen, while you are busy re-creating
life. Is it you or I, neighbours, who should rebel?

When the seventh self thus spake the other six selves looked with
pity upon him but said nothing more; and as the night grew deeper
one after the other went to sleep enfolded with a new and happy
submission.

But the seventh self remained watching and gazing at nothingness,
which is behind all things.





War




One night a feast was held in the palace, and there came a man and
prostrated himself before the prince, and all the feasters looked
upon him; and they saw that one of his eyes was out and that
the empty socket bled. And the prince inquired of him, "What has
befallen you? " And the man replied, "O prince, I am by profession
a thief, and this night, because there was no moon, I went to rob
the money-changer's shop, and as I climbed in through the window
I made a mistake and entered the weaver's shop, and in the dark I
ran into the weaver's loom and my eye was plucked out. And now,
O prince, I ask for justice upon the weaver. "

Then the prince sent for the weaver and he came, and it was decreed
that one of his eyes should be plucked out.

"O prince," said the weaver, "the decree is just. It is right that
one of my eyes be taken. And yet, alas! both are necessary to me
in order that I may see the two sides of the cloth that I weave.
But I have a neighbour, a cobbler, who has also two eyes, and in
his trade both eyes are not necessary. "

Then the prince sent for the cobbler. And he came. And they took
out one of the cobbler's two eyes.

And justice was satisfied.





The Fox




A fox looked at his shadow at sunrise and said, "I will have
a camel for lunch today. " And all morning he went about looking
for camels. But at noon he saw his shadow again--and he said, "A
mouse will do. "





The Wise King




Once there ruled in the distant city of Wirani a king who was both
mighty and wise. And he was feared for his might and loved for
his wisdom.

Now, in the heart of that city was a well, whose water was cool and
crystalline, from which all the inhabitants drank, even the king
and his courtiers; for there was no other well.

One night when all were asleep, a witch entered the city, and poured
seven drops of strange liquid into the well, and said, "From this
hour he who drinks this water shall become mad. "

Next morning all the inhabitants, save the king and his lord
chamberlain, drank from the well and became mad, even as the witch
had foretold.

And during that day the people in the narrow streets and in the
market places did naught but whisper to one another, "The king is
mad. Our king and his lord chamberlain have lost their reason.
Surely we cannot be ruled by a mad king. We must dethrone him. "

That evening the king ordered a golden goblet to be filled from the
well. And when it was brought to him he drank deeply, and gave it
to his lord chamberlain to drink.

And there was great rejoicing in that distant city of Wirani,
because its king and its lord chamberlain had regained their reason.





Ambition




Three men met at a tavern table. One was a weaver, another a
carpenter and the third a ploughman.

Said the weaver, "I sold a fine linen shroud today for two pieces
of gold. Let us have all the wine we want. "

"And I," said the carpenter, "I sold my best coffin. We will have
a great roast with the wine. "

"I only dug a grave," said the ploughman, "but my patron paid me
double. Let us have honey cakes too. "

And all that evening the tavern was busy, for they called often
for wine and meat and cakes. And they were merry.

And the host rubbed his hands and smiled at his wife; for his guests
were spending freely.

When they left the moon was high, and they walked along the road
singing and shouting together.

The host and his wife stood in the tavern door and looked after
them.

"Ah! " said the wife, "these gentlemen! So freehanded and so gay!
If only they could bring us such luck every day! Then our son need
not be a tavern-keeper and work so hard. We could educate him,
and he could become a priest. "





The New Pleasure




Last night I invented a new pleasure, and as I was giving it the
first trial an angel and a devil came rushing toward my house. They
met at my door and fought with each other over my newly created
pleasure; the one crying, "It is a sin! "--the other, "It is a
virtue! "





The Other Language




Three days after I was born, as I lay in my silken cradle, gazing
with astonished dismay on the new world round about me, my mother
spoke to the wet-nurse, saying, "How does my child? "

And the wet-nurse answered, "He does well, Madame, I have fed him
three times; and never before have I seen a babe so young yet so
gay. "

And I was indignant; and I cried, "It is not true, mother; for
my bed is hard, and the milk I have sucked is bitter to my mouth,
and the odour of the breast is foul in my nostrils, and I am most
miserable. "

But my mother did not understand, nor did the nurse; for the language
I spoke was that of the world from which I came.

And on the twenty-first day of my life, as I was being christened,
the priest said to my mother, "You should indeed by happy, Madame,
that your son was born a Christian. "

And I was surprised,--and I said to the priest, "Then your mother
in Heaven should be unhappy, for you were not born a Christian. "

But the priest too did not understand my language.

And after seven moons, one day a soothsayer looked at me, and he
said to my mother, "Your son will be a statesman and a great leader
of men. "

But I cried out,--"That is a false prophet; for I shall be a
musician, and naught but a musician shall I be. "

But even at that age my language was not understood--and great was
my astonishment.

And after three and thirty years, during which my mother, and the
nurse, and the priest have all died, (the shadow of God be upon
their spirits) the soothsayer still lives. And yesterday I met him
near the gates of the temple; and while we were talking together
he said, "I have always known you would become a great musician.
Even in your infancy I prophesied and foretold your future. "

And I believed him--for now I too have forgotten the language of
that other world.





The Pomegranate




Once when I was living in the heart of a pomegranate, I heard a seed
saying, "Someday I shall become a tree, and the wind will sing in
my branches, and the sun will dance on my leaves, and I shall be
strong and beautiful through all the seasons. "

Then another seed spoke and said, "When I was as young as you, I
too held such views; but now that I can weigh and measure things,
I see that my hopes were vain. "

And a third seed spoke also, "I see in us nothing that promises so
great a future. "

And a fourth said, "But what a mockery our life would be, without
a greater future! "

Said a fifth, "Why dispute what we shall be, when we know not even
what we are. "

But a sixth replied, "Whatever we are, that we shall continue to
be. "

And a seventh said, "I have such a clear idea how everything will
be, but I cannot put it into words. "

Then an eight spoke--and a ninth--and a tenth--and then many--until
all were speaking, and I could distinguish nothing for the many
voices.

And so I moved that very day into the heart of a quince, where the
seeds are few and almost silent.





The Two Cages




In my father's garden there are two cages. In one is a lion, which
my father's slaves brought from the desert of Ninavah; in the other
is a songless sparrow.

Every day at dawn the sparrow calls to the lion, "Good morrow to
thee, brother prisoner. "





The Three Ants




Three ants met on the nose of a man who was asleep in the sun. And
after they had saluted one another, each according to the custom
of his tribe, they stood there conversing.

The first ant said, "These hills and plains are the most barren I
have known. I have searched all day for a grain of some sort, and
there is none to be found. "

Said the second ant, "I too have found nothing, though I have
visited every nook and glade. This is, I believe, what my people
call the soft, moving land where nothing grows. "

Then the third ant raised his head and said, "My friends, we are
standing now on the nose of the Supreme Ant, the mighty and infinite
Ant, whose body is so great that we cannot see it, whose shadow
is so vast that we cannot trace it, whose voice is so loud that we
cannot hear it; and He is omnipresent. "

When the third ant spoke thus the other ants looked at each other
and laughed.

At that moment the man moved and in his sleep raised his hand and
scratched his nose, and the three ants were crushed.





The Grave-Digger




Once, as I was burying one of my dead selves, the grave-digger came
by and said to me, "Of all those who come here to bury, you alone
I like. "

Said I, "You please me exceedingly, but why do you like me? "

"Because," said he, "They come weeping and go weeping--you only
come laughing and go laughing. "





On the Steps of the Temple




Yestereve, on the marble steps of the Temple, I saw a woman sitting
between two men. One side of her face was pale, the other was
blushing.





The Blessed City




In my youth I was told that in a certain city every one lived
according to the Scriptures.

And I said, "I will seek that city and the blessedness thereof. "
And it was far. And I made great provision for my journey. And
after forty days I beheld the city and on the forty-first day I
entered into it.

And lo! the whole company of the inhabitants had each but a single
eye and but one hand. And I was astonished and said to myself,
"Shall they of this so holy city have but one eye and one hand? "

Then I saw that they too were astonished, for they were marveling
greatly at my two hands and my two eyes. And as they were speaking
together I inquired of them saying, "Is this indeed the Blessed
City, where each man lives according to the Scriptures? " And they
said, "Yes, this is that city. "

"And what," said I, "hath befallen you, and where are your right
eyes and your right hands? "

And all the people were moved. And they said, "Come thou and see. "

And they took me to the temple in the midst of the city. And in
the temple I saw a heap of hands and eyes. All withered. Then said
I, "Alas! what conqueror hath committed this cruelty upon you? "

And there went a murmur amongst them. And one of their elders
stood forth and said, "This doing is of ourselves. God hath made
us conquerors over the evil that was in us. "

And he led me to a high altar, and all the people followed. And
he showed me above the altar an inscription graven, and I read:


"If thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee;
for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish,
and not that the whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy
right hand offend thee, cut it off and cast it from thee; for it
is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and
not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. "


Then I understood. And I turned about to all the people and cried,
"Hath no man or woman among you two eyes or two hands? "

And they answered me saying, "No, not one. There is none whole save
such as are yet too young to read the Scripture and to understand
its commandment. "

And when we had come out of the temple, I straightway left that
Blessed City; for I was not too young, and I could read the scripture.





The Good God and the Evil God




The Good God and the Evil God met on the mountain top.

The Good God said, "Good day to you, brother. "

The Evil God did not answer.

And the Good God said, "You are in a bad humour today. "

"Yes," said the Evil God, "for of late I have been often mistaken
for you, called by your name, and treated as if I were you, and it
ill-pleases me. "

And the Good God said, "But I too have been mistaken for you and
called by your name. "

The Evil God walked away cursing the stupidity of man.





Defeat




Defeat, my Defeat, my solitude and my aloofness;
You are dearer to me than a thousand triumphs,
And sweeter to my heart than all world-glory.

Defeat, my Defeat, my self-knowledge and my defiance,
Through you I know that I am yet young and swift of foot
And not to be trapped by withering laurels.
And in you I have found aloneness
And the joy of being shunned and scorned.

Defeat, my Defeat, my shining sword and shield,
In your eyes I have read
That to be enthroned is to be enslaved,
And to be understood is to be leveled down,
And to be grasped is but to reach one's fullness
And like a ripe fruit to fall and be consumed.

Defeat, my Defeat, my bold companion,
You shall hear my songs and my cries and my silences,
And none but you shall speak to me of the beating of wings,
And urging of seas,
And of mountains that burn in the night,
And you alone shall climb my steep and rocky soul.

Defeat, my Defeat, my deathless courage,
You and I shall laugh together with the storm,
And together we shall dig graves for all that die in us,
And we shall stand in the sun with a will,
And we shall be dangerous.





Night and the Madman




"I am like thee, O, Night, dark and naked; I walk on the flaming
path which is above my day-dreams, and whenever my foot touches
earth a giant oak tree comes forth. "

"Nay, thou art not like me, O, Madman, for thou still lookest
backward to see how large a foot-print thou leavest on the sand. "

"I am like thee, O, Night, silent and deep; and in the heart of
my loneliness lies a Goddess in child-bed; and in him who is being
born Heaven touches Hell. "

"Nay, thou art not like me, O, Madman, for thou shudderest yet
before pain, and the song of the abyss terrifies thee. "

"I am like thee, O, Night, wild and terrible; for my ears are crowded
with cries of conquered nations and sighs for forgotten lands. "

"Nay, thou art not like me, O, Madman, for thou still takest thy
little-self for a comrade, and with thy monster-self thou canst
not be friend. "

"I am like thee, O, Night, cruel and awful; for my bosom is lit
by burning ships at sea, and my lips are wet with blood of slain
warriors. "

"Nay, thou art not like me, O, Madman; for the desire for a
sister-spirit is yet upon thee, and thou has not become alone unto
thyself. "

"I am like thee, O, Night, joyous and glad; for he who dwells in
my shadow is now drunk with virgin wine, and she who follows me is
sinning mirthfully. "

"Nay, thou art not like me, O, Madman, for thy soul is wrapped in
the veil of seven folds and thou holdest not thy heart in thine
hand. "

"I am like thee, O, Night, patient and passionate; for in my breast
a thousand dead lovers are buried in shrouds of withered kisses. "

"Yea, Madman, art thou like me? Art thou like me?
And canst thou
ride the tempest as a steed, and grasp the lightning as a sword? "

"Like thee, O, Night, like thee, mighty and high, and my throne is
built upon heaps of fallen Gods; and before me too pass the days
to kiss the hem of my garment but never to gaze at my face. "

"Art thou like me, child of my darkest heart? And dost thou think
my untamed thoughts and speak my vast language? "

"Yea, we are twin brothers, O, Night; for thou revealest space and
I reveal my soul. "





Faces




I have seen a face with a thousand countenances, and a face that
was but a single countenance as if held in a mould.


I have seen a face whose sheen I could look through to the ugliness
beneath, and a face whose sheen I had to lift to see how beautiful
it was.


I have seen an old face much lined with nothing, and a smooth face
in which all things were graven.


I know faces, because I look through the fabric my own eye weaves,
and behold the reality beneath.





The Greater Sea




My soul and I went to the great sea to bathe. And when we reached
the shore, we went about looking for a hidden and lonely place.

But as we walked, we saw a man sitting on a grey rock taking pinches
of salt from a bag and throwing them into the sea.

"This is the pessimist," said my soul, "Let us leave this place.
We cannot bathe here. "

We walked on until we reached an inlet. There we saw, standing
on a white rock, a man holding a bejeweled box, from which he took
sugar and threw it into the sea.

"And this is the optimist," said my soul, "And he too must not see
our naked bodies. "

Further on we walked. And on a beach we saw a man picking up dead
fish and tenderly putting them back into the water.

"And we cannot bathe before him," said my soul. "He is the humane
philanthropist. "

And we passed on.

Then we came where we saw a man tracing his shadow on the sand.
Great waves came and erased it. But he went on tracing it again
and again.

"He is the mystic," said my soul, "Let us leave him. "

And we walked on, till in a quiet cover we saw a man scooping up
the foam and putting it into an alabaster bowl.

"He is the idealist," said my soul, "Surely he must not see our
nudity. "

And on we walked. Suddenly we heard a voice crying, "This is the
sea. This is the deep sea. This is the vast and mighty sea. "
And when we reached the voice it was a man whose back was turned
to the sea, and at his ear he held a shell, listening to its murmur.

And my soul said, "Let us pass on. He is the realist, who turns
his back on the whole he cannot grasp, and busies himself with a
fragment. "

So we passed on. And in a weedy place among the rocks was a man
with his head buried in the sand. And I said to my soul, "We can
bath here, for he cannot see us. "

"Nay," said my soul, "For he is the most deadly of them all. He
is the puritan. "

Then a great sadness came over the face of my soul, and into her
voice.

"Let us go hence," she said, "For there is no lonely, hidden place
where we can bathe. I would not have this wind lift my golden hair,
or bare my white bosom in this air, or let the light disclose my
sacred nakedness. "

Then we left that sea to seek the Greater Sea.





Crucified




I cried to men, "I would be crucified! "

And they said, "Why should your blood be upon our heads? "

And I answered, "How else shall you be exalted except by crucifying
madmen? "

And they heeded and I was crucified. And the crucifixion appeased
me.

And when I was hanged between earth and heaven they lifted up their
heads to see me. And they were exalted, for their heads had never
before been lifted.

But as they stood looking up at me one called out, "For what art
thou seeking to atone? "

And another cried, "In what cause dost thou sacrifice thyself? "

And a third said, "Thinkest thou with this price to buy world
glory? "

Then said a fourth, "Behold, how he smiles! Can such pain be
forgiven? "

And I answered them all, and said:

"Remember only that I smiled. I do not atone--nor sacrifice--nor
wish for glory; and I have nothing to forgive. I thirsted--and I
besought you to give me my blood to drink. For what is there can
quench a madman's thirst but his own blood? I was dumb--and I
asked wounds of you for mouths. I was imprisoned in your days and
nights--and I sought a door into larger days and nights.

And now I go--as others already crucified have gone. And think not
we are weary of crucifixion. For we must be crucified by larger
and yet larger men, between greater earths and greater heavens. "





The Astronomer




In the shadow of the temple my friend and I saw a blind man sitting
alone. And my friend said, "Behold the wisest man of our land. "

Then I left my friend and approached the blind man and greeted him.
And we conversed.

After a while I said, "Forgive my question; but since when has thou
been blind? "

"From my birth," he answered.

Said I, "And what path of wisdom followest thou? "

Said he, "I am an astronomer. "

Then he placed his hand upon his breast saying, "I watch all these
suns and moons and stars. "





The Great Longing




Here I sit between my brother the mountain and my sister the sea.

We three are one in loneliness, and the love that binds us together
is deep and strong and strange. Nay, it is deeper than my sister's
depth and stronger than my brother's strength, and stranger than
the strangeness of my madness.

Aeons upon aeons have passed since the first grey dawn made us
visible to one another; and though we have seen the birth and the
fullness and the death of many worlds, we are still eager and young.

We are young and eager and yet we are mateless and unvisited, and
though we lie in unbroken half embrace, we are uncomforted. And
what comfort is there for controlled desire and unspent passion?
Whence shall come the flaming god to warm my sister's bed? And
what she-torrent shall quench my brother's fire? And who is the
woman that shall command my heart?

In the stillness of the night my sister murmurs in her sleep the
fire-god's unknown name, and my brother calls afar upon the cool
and distant goddess. But upon whom I call in my sleep I know not.

* * * * * * * * *

Here I sit between my brother the mountain and my sister the sea.
We three are one in loneliness, and the love that binds us together
is deep and strong and strange.





Said a Blade of Grass




Said a blade of grass to an autumn leaf, "You make such a noise
falling! You scatter all my winter dreams. "

Said the leaf indignant, "Low-born and low-dwelling! Songless,
peevish thing! You live not in the upper air and you cannot tell
the sound of singing. "

Then the autumn leaf lay down upon the earth and slept. And when
spring came she waked again--and she was a blade of grass.

And when it was autumn and her winter sleep was upon her, and
above her through all the air the leaves were falling, she muttered
to herself, "O these autumn leaves! They make such noise! They
scatter all my winter dreams. "





The Eye




Said the Eye one day, "I see beyond these valleys a mountain veiled
with blue mist. Is it not beautiful? "

The Ear listened, and after listening intently awhile, said, "But
where is any mountain? I do not hear it. "

Then the Hand spoke and said, "I am trying in vain to feel it or
touch it, and I can find no mountain. "

And the Nose said, "There is no mountain, I cannot smell it. "

Then the Eye turned the other way, and they all began to talk together
about the Eye's strange delusion. And they said, "Something must
be the matter with the Eye. "





The Two Learned Men




Once there lived in the ancient city of Afkar two learned men who
hated and belittled each other's learning. For one of them denied
the existence of the gods and the other was a believer.

One day the two met in the marketplace, and amidst their followers
they began to dispute and to argue about the existence or the
non-existence of the gods. And after hours of contention they
parted.

That evening the unbeliever went to the temple and prostrated himself
before the altar and prayed the gods to forgive his wayward past.

And the same hour the other learned man, he who had upheld the
gods, burned his sacred books. For he had become an unbeliever.





When My Sorrow Was Born




When my Sorrow was born I nursed it with care, and watched over it
with loving tenderness.

And my Sorrow grew like all living things, strong and beautiful
and full of wondrous delights.

And we loved one another, my Sorrow and I, and we loved the world
about us; for Sorrow had a kindly heart and mine was kindly with
Sorrow.

And when we conversed, my Sorrow and I, our days were winged and
our nights were girdled with dreams; for Sorrow had an eloquent
tongue, and mine was eloquent with Sorrow.

And when we sang together, my Sorrow and I, our neighbors sat at
their windows and listened; for our songs were deep as the sea and
our melodies were full of strange memories.

And when we walked together, my Sorrow and I, people gazed at us
with gentle eyes and whispered in words of exceeding sweetness.
And there were those who looked with envy upon us, for Sorrow was
a noble thing and I was proud with Sorrow.

But my Sorrow died, like all living things, and alone I am left to
muse and ponder.

And now when I speak my words fall heavily upon my ears.

And when I sing my songs my neighbours come not to listen.

And when I walk the streets no one looks at me.

Only in my sleep I hear voices saying in pity, "See, there lies
the man whose Sorrow is dead. "





And When my Joy was Born




And when my Joy was born, I held it in my arms and stood on the
house-top shouting, "Come ye, my neighbours, come and see, for Joy
this day is born unto me. Come and behold this gladsome thing that
laugheth in the sun. "

But none of my neighbours came to look upon my Joy, and great was
my astonishment.

And every day for seven moons I proclaimed my Joy from the
house-top--and yet no one heeded me. And my Joy and I were alone,
unsought and unvisited.

Then my Joy grew pale and weary because no other heart but mine
held its loveliness and no other lips kissed its lips.

Then my Joy died of isolation.

And now I only remember my dead Joy in remembering my dead Sorrow.
But memory is an autumn leaf that murmurs a while in the wind and
then is heard no more.





"The Perfect World"




God of lost souls, thou who are lost amongst the gods, hear me:

Gentle Destiny that watchest over us, mad, wandering spirits, hear
me:

I dwell in the midst of a perfect race, I the most imperfect.

I, a human chaos, a nebula of confused elements, I move amongst
finished worlds--peoples of complete laws and pure order, whose
thoughts are assorted, whose dreams are arranged, and whose visions
are enrolled and registered.

Their virtues, O God, are measured, their sins are weighed, and
even the countless things that pass in the dim twilight of neither
sin nor virtue are recorded and catalogued.

Here days and night are divided into seasons of conduct and governed
by rules of blameless accuracy.

To eat, to drink, to sleep, to cover one's nudity, and then to be
weary in due time.

To work, to play, to sing, to dance, and then to lie still when
the clock strikes the hour.

To think thus, to feel thus much, and then to cease thinking and
feeling when a certain star rises above yonder horizon.

To rob a neighbour with a smile, to bestow gifts with a graceful
wave of the hand, to praise prudently, to blame cautiously, to
destroy a sound with a word, to burn a body with a breath, and then
to wash the hands when the day's work is done.

To love according to an established order, to entertain one's best
self in a preconceived manner, to worship the gods becomingly,
to intrigue the devils artfully--and then to forget all as though
memory were dead.

To fancy with a motive, to contemplate with consideration, to be
happy sweetly, to suffer nobly--and then to empty the cup so that
tomorrow may fill it again.

All these things, O God, are conceived with forethought, born with
determination, nursed with exactness, governed by rules, directed
by reason, and then slain and buried after a prescribed method.
And even their silent graves that lie within the human soul are
marked and numbered.

It is a perfect world, a world of consummate excellence, a world of
supreme wonders, the ripest fruit in God's garden, the master-thought
of the universe.

But why should I be here, O God, I a green seed of unfulfilled
passion, a mad tempest that seeketh neither east nor west, a
bewildered fragment from a burnt planet?

Why am I here, O God of lost souls, thou who art lost amongst the gods?








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