No More Learning

I will her well, she wills me woe;
I am her friend, and she my foe;
Methinks my heart will break in two
For sorrow's might;
In God's own greeting may she go,
That maiden white!
I would I were a throstlecock,
A bunting, or a laverock,³
Sweet maid!
Between her kirtle and her smock
I'd then be hid!
The reader will easily note the struggle between our poet's con-
ventional and quite literary despair and the fresh communal tone in
such passages as we have ventured, despite Leigh Hunt's direful
example, to put in italics. This poet was a clerk, or perhaps not
even that,- a gleeman; and he dwells, after the manner of his kind,
¹ Fere, companion, lover. "I would give all I have to be her lover. "
2 Superfluous verses; but the MS. makes no distinction. Free means no-
ble, gracious. "If one could see everything between hell and heaven, one
would find nothing so fair and noble. "
³ Lark. The poem is translated from Böddeker, page 161 ff.


## p. 5869 (#457) ###########################################

FOLK-SONG
5869
upon a despair which springs from difference of station. But it is
England, not France; it is a maiden, not countess or queen, whom he
loves; and the tone of his verse is sound and communal at heart.
True, the metre, afterwards a favorite with Burns, is one used by the
oldest known troubadour of Provence, Count William, as well as by
the poets of miracle plays and of such romances as the English
'Octavian'; but like Count William himself, who built on a popular
basis, our clerk or gleeman is nearer to the people than to the schools.
Indeed, Uhland reminds us that Breton kloer ("clerks ") to this day
play a leading part as lovers and singers of love in folk-song; and
the English clerks in question were not regular priests, consecrated
and in responsible positions, but students or unattached followers of
theology. They sang with the people; they felt and suffered with
the people—as in the case of a far nobler member of the guild, Will-
iam Langland; and hence sundry political poems which deal with
wrongs and suffering endured by the commons of that day. In the
struggle of barons and people against Henry III. , indignation made
verses; and these, too, we owe to the clerks. Such a burst of indig-
nation is the song against Richard of Cornwall, with a turbulent
refrain which sounds like a direct loan from the people. One stanza,
with this refrain, will suffice. It opens with the traditional "lithe
and listen" of the ballad-singer :-
:-
Sit all now still and list to me:
The German King, by my loyalty!
Thirty thousand pound asked he
To make a peace in this country,-
And so he did and more!
REFRAIN
Richard, though thou be ever trichard,¹
Trichen shalt thou nevermore!
This, however, like many a scrap of battle-song, ribaldry exchanged
between two armies, and the like, has interest rather for the anti-
quarian than for the reader. We shall leave such fragments, and
turn in conclusion to the folk-song of later times.
The England of Elizabeth was devoted to lyric poetry, and folk-
song must have flourished along with its rival of the schools. Few
of these songs, however, have been preserved; and indeed there is
no final test for the communal quality in such survivals. Certainly
some of the songs in the drama of that time are of popular origin;
but the majority, as a glance at Mr. Bullen's several collections will
prove, are artistic and individual, like the music to which they were
2 Betray.
Traitor.


## p. 5870 (#458) ###########################################

5870
FOLK-SONG
sung. Occasionally we get a tantalizing glimpse of another lyrical
England, the folk dancing and singing their own lays; but no Autoly-
cus brings these to us in his basket. Even the miracle plays had
not despised folk-song; unfortunately the writers are content to men-
tion the songs, like our Acts of Congress, only by title. In the "com-
edy" called 'The Longer Thou Livest the More Foole Thou Art,’
there are snatches of such songs; and a famous list, known to all
scholars, is given by Laneham in a letter from Kenilworth in 1575,
where he tells of certain songs, "all ancient," owned by one Captain
Cox. Again, nobody ever praised songs of the people more sincerely
than Shakespeare has praised them; and we may be certain that he
used them for the stage. Such is the Willow Song' that Desdemona
sings, an "old thing," she calls it; and such perhaps the song in
'As You Like It,'-'It Was a Lover and His Lass. ' Nash is credited
with the use of folk-songs in his Summer's Last Will and Testa-
ment'; but while the pretty verses about spring and the tripping
lines, 'A-Maying,' have such a note, nothing could be further from
the quality of folk-song than the solemn and beautiful 'Adieu, Fare-
well, Earth's Bliss. ' In Beaumont and Fletcher's 'Knight of the Burn-
ing Pestle,' however, Merrythought sings some undoubted snatches of
popular lyric, just as he sings stanzas from the traditional ballad;
for example, his-
<
―
-
Go from my window, love, go;
Go from my window, my dear;
The wind and the rain
Will drive you back again,
You cannot be lodged here,—
is quoted with variations in other plays, and was a favorite of the
time,' and like many a ballad appears in religious parody. A mod-
ern variant, due to tradition, comes from Norwich; the third and
fourth lines ran:-
For the wind is in the west,
And the cuckoo's in his nest.
From the time of Henry VIII. a pretty song is preserved of this
same class:-
Westron wynde, when wyll thou blow!
The smalle rain downe doth rayne;
Oh if my love were in my armys,
Or I in my bed agayne!
This sort of song between the lovers, one without and one within,
occurs in French and German at a very early date, and is probably
much older than any records of it; as serenade, it found great favor
The music in Chappell, page 141.


## p. 5871 (#459) ###########################################

FOLK-SONG
5871
with poets of the city and the court, and is represented in English
by Sidney's beautiful lines, admirable for purposes of comparison
with the folk-song:-
"WHO is it that this dark night
Underneath my window plaineth ? »
"It is one who, from thy sight
Being, ah, exiled! disdaineth
Every other vulgar light. "
The zeal of modern collectors has brought together a mass of
material which passes for folk-song. None of it is absolutely com-
munal, for the conditions of primitive lyric have long since been
swept away; nevertheless, where isolated communities have retained
something of the old homogeneous and simple character, the spirit
of folk-song lingers in survival. From Great Britain, from France.
and particularly from Germany, where circumstances have favored this
survival, a few folk-songs may now be given in inadequate transla-
tion. To go further afield, to collect specimens of Italian, Russian,
Servian, modern Greek, and so on, would need a book.
The songs
which follow are sufficiently representative for the purpose.
A pretty little song, popular in Germany to this day, needs no
pompous support of literary allusion to explain its simple pathos;
still, it is possible that one meets here a distant echo of the tragedy
of obstacles told in romance of Hero and Leander. When one hears
this song, one understands where Heine found the charm of his best
lyrics:-
OVER a waste of water
The bonnie lover crossed,
A-wooing the King's daughter:
But all his love was lost.
Ah, Elsie, darling Elsie,
Fain were I now with thee;
But waters twain are flowing,
Dear love, twixt thee and me! '
Even more of a favorite is the song which represents two girls in
the harvest-field, one happy in her love, the other deserted; the noise
of the sickle makes a sort of chorus. Uhland placed with the two stan-
zas of the song a third stanza which really belongs to another tune;
the latter, however, may serve to introduce the situation:-
I HEARD a sickle rustling,
Ay, rustling through the corn:
I heard a maiden sobbing
Because her love was lorn.
1 Böhme, with music, page 94.


## p. 5872 (#460) ###########################################

5872
FOLK-SONG
"Oh let the sickle rustle!
I care not how it go;
For I have found a lover,
A lover,
Where clover and violets blow. "
"And hast thou found a lover
Where clover and violets blow?
I stand here, ah, so lonely,
So lonely,
And all my heart is woe! "
Two songs may follow, one from France, one from Scotland, be-
wailing the death of lover or husband. 'The Lowlands of Holland'
was published by Herd in his Scottish Songs. '¹ A clumsy attempt
was made to fix the authorship upon a certain young widow; but the
song belies any such origin. It has the marks of tradition: -
MY LOVE has built a bonny ship, and set her on the sea,
With sevenscore good mariners to bear her company;
There's threescore is sunk, and threescore dead at sea,
And the Lowlands of Holland has twin'd' my love and me.
My love he built another ship, and set her on the main,
And nane but twenty mariners for to bring her hame,
But the weary wind began to rise, and the sea began to rout;
My love then and his bonny ship turned withershins about.
3
There shall neither coif come on my head nor comb come in
my hair;
There shall neither coal nor candle-light come in my bower
mair;
Nor will I love another one until the day I die,
For I never loved a love but one, and he's drowned in the sea.
"O haud your tongue, my daughter dear, be still and be con-
tent;
There are mair lads in Galloway, ye neen nae sair lament. "
O there is none in Gallow, there's none at a' for me;
For I never loved a love but one, and he's drowned in the sea.
¹Quoted by Child, Ballads,' iv. 318.
2 Separated, divided.
An equivalent to upside down, "in the wrong direction. »


## p. 5873 (#461) ###########################################

FOLK-SONG
5873
The French song¹ has a more tender note:
Low, low he lies who holds my heart,
The sea is rolling fair above;
Go, little bird, and tell him this,-
Go, little bird, and fear no harm,-
Say I am still his faithful love,
Say that to him I stretch my arms.
Another song, widely scattered in varying versions throughout
France, is of the forsaken and too trustful maid,-'En revenant des
Noces. ' The narrative in this, as in the Scottish song, makes it ap-
proach the ballad.
BACK from the wedding-feast,
All weary by the way,
I rested by a fount
And watched the waters' play;
And at the fount I bathed,
So clear the waters' play;
And with a leaf of oak
I wiped the drops away.
Upon the highest branch
Loud sang the nightingale.
Sing, nightingale, oh sing,
Thou hast a heart so gay!
Not gay, this heart of mine:
My love has gone away,
Because I gave my rose
Too soon, too soon away.
Ah, would to God that rose
Yet on the rosebush lay,-
Would that the rosebush, even,
Unplanted yet might stay,-
Would that my lover Pierre
My favor had to pray! ?
¹ See Tiersot, 'La Chanson Populaire,' p. 103, with the music.
The final
verses, simple as they are, are not rendered even remotely well. They run: -
Que je suis sa fidèle amie,
Et que vers lui je tends les bras.
2 Tiersot, p. 90. In many versions there is further complication with king
and queen and the lover. This song is extremely popular in Canada.
X-368


## p. 5874 (#462) ###########################################

5874
FOLK-SONG
The corresponding Scottish song, beautiful enough for any land.
or age, is the well-known 'Waly, Waly':-
OH WALY, waly, up the bank,
And waly, waly, down the brae,
And waly, waly, yon burn-side,
Where I and my love wont to gae.
I lean'd my back unto an aik,
I thought it was a trusty tree;
But first it bowed and syne it brak,
Sae my true-love did lightly' me.
Oh waly, waly, but love be bonny
A little time, while it is new;
But when 'tis auld it waxeth cauld,
And fades away like morning dew.
Oh wherefore should I busk my head?
Or wherefore should I kame my hair?
For my true-love has me forsook,
And says he'll never love me mair.
Now Arthur's Seat shall be my bed,
The sheets shall ne'er be fyled by me;
Saint Anton's well shall be my drink,
Since my true-love has forsaken me.
Martinmas wind, when wilt thou blaw
And shake the green leaves off the tree?
O gentle Death, when wilt thou come ?
For of my life I am weary.
'Tis not the frost that freezes fell,
Nor blawing snaw's inclemency;
'Tis not sic cauld that makes me cry,
But my love's heart grown cauld to me.
'Lightly (a verb) is to treat with contempt, to undervalue.
burden quoted by Chappell, p. 458, and very old:
-
The bonny broome, the well-favored broome,
The broome blooms faire on hill;
What ailed my love to lightly me,
And I working her will?
Compare the


## p. 5875 (#463) ###########################################

FOLK-SONG
5875
When we came in by Glasgow town,
We were a comely sight to see;
My love was clad in the black velvet,
And I myself in cramasie.
But had I wist, before I kissed,
That love had been sae ill to win,
I'd locked my heart in a case of gold.
And pinned it with a silver pin.
Oh, oh, if my young babe were born,
And set upon the nurse's knee,
And I myself were dead and gone,
[And the green grass growing over me! ]
The same ballad touch overweighs even the lyric quality of the
verses about Yarrow:
"WILLY'S rare, and Willy's fair,
And Willy's wondrous bonny,
And Willy heght' to marry me
Gin e'er he married ony.
"Oh came you by yon water-side?
Pu'd you the rose or lily?
Or came you by yon meadow green?
Or saw you my sweet Willy? »
She sought him east, she sought him west,
She sought him brade and narrow;
Syne, in the clifting of a craig,
She found him drowned in Yarrow. 2
Returning to Germany and to pure lyric, we have a pretty bit
which is attached to many different songs.
HIGH up on yonder mountain
A mill-wheel clatters round,
And, night or day, naught else but love
Within the mill is ground.
The mill has gone to ruin,
And love has had its day;
God bless thee now, my bonnie lass,
I wander far away. ³
1 Promised.
2 Child's Ballads, vii. 179.
3 Böhme, p. 271.


## p. 5876 (#464) ###########################################

5876
FOLK-SONG
But there is a more cheerful vein in this sort of song; and the
mountain offers pleasanter views:-
-
OH YONDER on the mountain,
There stands a lofty house,
Where morning after morning,
Yes, morning,
Three maids go in and out. ¹
The first she is my sister,
The second well is known,
The third, I will not name her,
No, name her,
And she shall be my own!
Finally, that pearl of German folk-song, 'Innsprück. ' The wanderer
must leave the town and his sweetheart; but he swears to be true,
and prays that his love be kept safe till his return:-
INNSPRÜCK, I must forsake thee,
My weary way betake me
Unto a foreign shore,
And all my joy hath vanished,
And ne'er while I am banished
Shall I behold it more.
I bear a load of sorrow,
And comfort can I borrow,
Dear love, from thee alone.
Ah, let thy pity hover
About thy weary lover
When he is far from home.
My one true love! Forever
Thine will I bide, and never
Shall our dear vow be vain.
Now must our Lord God ward thee,
In peace and honor guard thee,
Until I come again.
In leaving the subject of folk-song, it is necessary for the reader
not only to consider anew the loose and unscientific way in which
this term has been employed, but also to bear in mind that few of
the above specimens can lay claim to the title in any rigid classifica-
tion. Long ago, a German critic reminded zealous collectors of his
The rhyme in German leaves even more to be desired.


## p. 5877 (#465) ###########################################

FOLK-SONG
5877
day that when one has dipped a pailful of water from the brook,
one has captured no brook; and that when one has written down a
folk-song, it has ceased to be that eternally changing, momentary,
spontaneous, dance-begotten thing which once flourished everywhere
as communal poetry. Always in flux, if it stopped it ceased to be
itself. Modern lyric is deliberately composed by some one, mainly to
be sung by some one else; the old communal lyric was sung by
the throng and was made in the singing. When festal excitement at
some great communal rejoicing in the life of clan or tribe "fought
its battles o'er again," the result was narrative communal song. A
disguised and baffled survival of this most ancient narrative is the
popular ballad. Still more disguised, still more baffled, is the purely
lyrical survival of that old communal and festal song; and the best
one can do is to present those few specimens found under conditions
which preserve certain qualities of a vanished world of poetry.
It may be asked why the contemporary songs found among Indian
tribes of our continent, or among remote islanders in low stages of
culture, should not reproduce for us the old type of communal verse.
The answer is simple. Tribes which have remained in low stages of
culture do not necessarily retain all the characteristics of primitive
life among races which had the germs of rapidly developing culture.
That communal poetry which gave life to the later epic of Hellenic
or of Germanic song must have differed materially, no matter in what
stage of development, from the uninteresting and monotonous chants
of the savage. Moreover, the specimens of savage verse which we
know retain the characteristics of communal verse, while they lack
its nobler and vital quality. The dance, the spontaneous production,
repetition, these are all marked characteristics of savage verse. But
savage verse cannot serve as model for our ideas of primitive folk-
song.
He
ummere.


## p. 5878 (#466) ###########################################

5878
SAMUEL FOOTE
(1720-1777)
Ge
HE name of Samuel Foote suggests a whimsical, plump little
man, with a round face, twinkling eyes, and one of the
readiest wits of the eighteenth century. This contemporary
of the elder Colman, Cumberland, Mrs. Cowley, and the great Gar-
rick, knew many famous men and women, and they admired as well
as feared his talents.
Samuel Foote was born at Truro in 1720. He was a young boy
when he first exhibited his powers of mimicry at his father's dinner-
table. At that time he did not expect to earn his living by them,
for he came of well-to-do people, and his mother, who was of aristo-
cratic birth, inherited a comfortable fortune.
Throughout his school days at Worcester and his college days at
Worcester College, Oxford, where he did not remain long enough to
take a degree, and the idle days when he was supposed to be study-
ing law at the Temple and was in reality frequenting coffee-houses
and drawing-rooms as a young man of fashion, he was establishing a
reputation for repartee, bons mots, and satiric imitation. So, when
the wasteful youth had squandered all his money, he naturally
turned to the stage as offering him the best opportunity. Like
many another amateur addicted to a mistaken ambition, Foote first
tried tragedy, and made his début as Othello. But in this and in
other tragedies he was a failure; so he soon took to writing comic
plays with parts especially adapted to himself. The Diversions of
the Morning' was the first of a long series, of which 'The Mayor of
Garratt,' 'The Lame Lover,' The Nabob,' and 'The Minor,' are
among the best known. As these were written from the actor's
rather than from the dramatist's point of view, they often seem faulty
in construction and crude in literary quality. They are farces rather
than true comedies. But they abound in witty dialogue, and in a
satire which illuminates contemporary vices and follies.
Foote seems to have been curiously lacking in conscience. He
lived his life with a gayety which no poverty, misfortune, or physical
suffering could long dampen. When he had money he spent it lav-
ishly, and when the supply ran short he racked his clever brains to
make a new hit. To accomplish this he was utterly unscrupulous,
and never spared his friends or those to whom he was indebted,
4


## p. 5879 (#467) ###########################################

SAMUEL FOOTE
5879
if he saw good material in their foibles. His victims smarted, but
his ready tongue and personal geniality usually extricated him from
consequent unpleasantness. Garrick, who aided him repeatedly, and
who dreaded ridicule above all things, was his favorite butt, yet
remained his friend. The irate members of the East India Company,
who called upon him armed with stout cudgels to administer a casti-
gation for an offensive libel in The Nabob,' were so speedily molli-
fied that they laid their cudgels aside with their hats, and accepted
his invitation to dinner.
To us, much of his charm has evaporated, for it lay in these very
personalities which held well-known people up to ridicule with a
precision which made it impossible for the originals to escape recog-
nition. Even irascible Dr. Johnson, who wished to disapprove of him,
admitted that there was no one like "that fellow Foote. " So this
"Aristophanes of the English stage" was mourned when he died at
the age of fifty-seven, and a company of his friends and fellow-actors
buried him one evening by the dim light of torches in a cloister of
Westminster Abbey.
There is often a boisterous unreserve in the plays of Foote, as in
other eighteenth-century drama, which revolts modern taste. As
they consist of character study rather than incident, mere extracts
are apt to appear incomplete and meaningless. Therefore it seems
fairer to represent the famous wit not alone by formal citation, but
also by some of his bons mots extracted from the collection of William
Cooke in his 'Memoirs of Samuel Foote' (2 vols. 1806).
HOW TO BE A LAWYER
From The Lame Lover
dent.
Enter Jack
ERJEANT-So, Jack, anybody at chambers to-day?
SERJEAL
Jack-Fieri Facias from Fetter Lane, about the bill to
be filed by Kit Crape against Will Vizard this term.
Serjeant- Praying for an equal partition of plunder?
Jack-Yes, sir.
But we
Serjeant-Strange world we live in, that even highwaymen
can't be true to each other! [Half aside to himself. ]
shall make Vizard refund; we'll show him what long hands the
law has.
Jack-Facias says that in all the books he can't hit a prece


## p. 5880 (#468) ###########################################

5880
SAMUEL FOOTE
Serjeant-Then I'll make one myself; Aut inveniam, aut
faciam, has been always my motto.
The charge must be made
for partnership profit, by bartering lead and gunpowder against
money, watches, and rings, on Epping Forest, Hounslow Heath,
and other parts of the kingdom.
Jack-He says if the court should get scent of the scheme,
the parties would all stand committed.
Serjeant-Cowardly rascal! but however, the caution mayn't
prove amiss. [Aside. ] I'll not put my own name to the bill.
Jack The declaration, too, is delivered in the cause of Roger
Rapp'em against Sir Solomon Simple.
Serjeant-What, the affair of the note?
Jack-Yes.
Serjeant - Why, he is clear that his client never gave such a
note.
Jack-Defendant never saw plaintiff since the hour he was
born; but notwithstanding, they have three witnesses to prove a
consideration and signing the note.
Serjeant-They have!
Jack-He is puzzled what plea to put in.
Serjeant-Three witnesses ready, you say?
Jack-Yes.
Serjeant - Tell him Simple must acknowledge the note [Jack
starts]; and bid him against the trial comes on, to procure four
persons at least to prove the payment at the Crown and Anchor,
the 10th of December.
Jack-But then how comes the note to remain in plaintiff's
possession?
Serjeant-Well put, Jack: but we have a salvo for that;
plaintiff happened not to have the note in his pocket, but prom-
ised to deliver it up when called thereunto by defendant.
Jack-That will do rarely.
Serjeant-Let the defense be a secret; for I see we have able
people to deal with. But come, child, not to lose time, have you
carefully conned those instructions I gave you?
Jack-Yes, sir.
Serjeant - Well, that we shall see. How many points are the
great object of practice?
Jack-Two.
Serjeant-Which are they?
Jack-The first is to put a man into possession of what is
his right.


## p. 5881 (#469) ###########################################

SAMUEL FOOTE
5881
Serjeant - The second'
Jack-Either to deprive a man of what is really his right, or
to keep him as long as possible out of possession.
Serjeant-Good boy! To gain the last end, what are the best
means to be used?
Jack-Various and many are the legal modes of delay.
Serjeant-Name them.
Jack-Injunctions, demurrers, sham pleas, writs of error,
rejoinders, sur-rejoinders, rebutters, sur-rebutters, re-plications,
exceptions, essoigns, and imparlance.
-
Serjeant [to himself]- Fine instruments in the hands of a
man who knows how to use them. But now, Jack, we come to
the point: if an able advocate has his choice in a cause, which if
he is in reputation he may readily have, which side should he
choose, the right or the wrong?
Jack A great lawyer's business is always to make choice of
the wrong.
Serjeant — And prithee, why so?
Jack-Because a good cause can speak for itself, whilst a bad
one demands an able counselor to give it a color.
Serjeant - Very well.
But in what respects will this answer
to the lawyer himself?
Jack-In a twofold way. Firstly, his fees will be large in
proportion to the dirty work he is to do.
Serjeant-Secondly?
Jack-His reputation will rise, by obtaining the victory in a
desperate cause.
Serjeant-Right, boy. Are you ready in the case of the cow?
Jack-Pretty well, I believe.
Serjeant-Give it, then.
--
Jack First of April, anno seventeen hundred and blank, John
a-Nokes was indicted by blank, before blank, in the county of
blank, for stealing a cow, contra pacem, etc. , and against the
statute in that case provided and made, to prevent stealing of
cattle.
Serjeant-Go on.
Jack-Said Nokes was convicted upon the said statute.
Serjeant - What followed upon?
Jack-Motion in arrest of judgment, made by Counselor Puz-
zle. First, because the field from whence the cow was conveyed
is laid in the indictment as round, but turned out upon proof to
be square.


## p. 5882 (#470) ###########################################

5882
SAMUEL FOOTE
Serjeant-That's well.
That's well. A valid objection.
Jack-Secondly, because in said indictment the color of the
cow is called red; there being no such things in rerum natura
as red cows, no more than black lions, spread eagles, flying
griffins, or blue boars.
Serjeant-Well put.
Jack-Thirdly, said Nokes has not offended against form of
the statute; because stealing of cattle is there provided against:
whereas we are only convicted of stealing a cow. Now, though
cattle may be cows, yet it does by no means follow that cows
must be cattle.
-
Serjeant - Bravo, bravo! buss me, you rogue; you are your
father's own son! go on and prosper. I am sorry, dear Jack, I
must leave thee. If Providence but sends thee life and health, I
prophesy thou wilt wrest as much land from the owners, and
save as many thieves from the gallows, as any practitioner since
the days of King Alfred.
Jack I'll do my endeavor. [Exit Serjeant. ]
A MISFORTUNE IN ORTHOGRAPHY
From The Lame Lover'
STR
-
IR LUKE-A pox o' your law; you make me lose sight of my
story. One morning Welsh coach-maker came with his
bill to my lord, whose name was unluckily Lloyd. My lord
had the man up: "You are called, I think, Mr. Lloyd? "— “At
your Lordship's service, my lord. " "What, Lloyd with an L? "
"It was with an L indeed, my lord. ". "Because in your part
of the world I have heard that Lloyd and Floyd were synony
mous, the very same names. " "Very often indeed, my Lord. ”
-"But you always spell yours with an L? " "Always. " —
"That, Mr. Lloyd, is a little unlucky; for you must know I am
now paying my debts alphabetically, and in four or five years
you might have come in with an F; but I am afraid I can give
you no hopes for your L. Ha, ha, ha! "
-
――
-


## p. 5883 (#471) ###########################################

SAMUEL FOOTE
5883
FROM THE MEMOIRS'
A CURE FOR BAD POETRY
A
PHYSICIAN of Bath told him that he had a mind to publish
his own poems; but he had so many irons in the fire he
did not well know what to do.
"Then take my advice, doctor," said Foote, "and put your
poems where your irons are. ”
THE RETORT COURTEOUS
FOLLOWING a man in the street, who did not bear the best of
characters, Foote slapped him familiarly on the shoulder, think-
ing he was an intimate friend. On discovering his mistake he
cried out, "Oh, sir, I beg your pardon! I really took you for a
gentleman who-»
"Well, sir," said the other, "and am I not a gentleman ? »
"Nay, sir," said Foote, "if you take it in that way, I must
only beg your pardon a second time. "
ON GARRICK'S STATURE
PREVIOUSLY to Foote's bringing out his 'Primitive Puppet
Show' at the Haymarket Theatre, a lady of fashion asked him,
"Pray, sir, are your puppets to be as large as life? "
"Oh dear, madam, no. Not much above the size of Garrick ! "
CAPE WINE
BEING at the dinner-table one day when the Cape was going
round in remarkably small glasses, his host was very profuse on
the excellence of the wine, its age, etc. "But you don't seem to
relish it, Foote, by keeping your glass so long before you. "
"Oh, yes, my lord, perfectly well. I am only admiring how
little it is, considering its great age.
>>
THE GRACES
OF AN actress who was remarkably awkward with her arms,
Foote said that "she kept the Graces at arm's-length. "


## p. 5884 (#472) ###########################################

5884
SAMUEL FOOTE
THE DEBTOR
OF A young gentleman who was rather backward in paying
his debts, he said he was "a very promising young gentleman. "
AFFECTATION
AN ASSUMING, pedantic lady, boasting of the many books which
she had read, often quoted 'Locke Upon Understanding,' a work
she said she admired above all things, yet there was one word
in it which, though often repeated, she could not distinctly make
out; and that was the word ide-a (pronouncing it very long):
"but I suppose it comes from a Greek derivation. "
"You are perfectly right, madam," said Foote, "it comes from
the word ideaousky. "
"And pray, sir, what does that mean? "
"The feminine of idiot, madam. "
ARITHMETICAL CRITICISM
A MERCANTILE man of his acquaintance, who would read a
poem of his to him one day after dinner, pompously began: —
"I am," said Foote.
"Hear me, O Phoebus! and ye Muses nine!
Pray be attentive. "
"Nine and one are ten: go on. "
THE DEAR WIFE
A GENTLEMAN just married, telling Foote that he had that
morning laid out three thousand pounds in jewels for his "dear
wife": "Well," said the other, "you have but done her justice,
as by your own reckoning she must be a very valuable woman. "
GARRICK AND THE GUINEA
FOOTE and Garrick, supping together at the Bedford, the for-
mer in pulling out his purse to pay the reckoning dropped a
guinea, which rolled in such a direction that they could not
readily find it.
"Where the deuce," says Foote, «< can it be gone to? "
"Gone to the Devil, I suppose," said Garrick.
"Well said, David; you are always what I took you for, ever
contriving to make a guinea go farther than any other man. ”


## p. 5885 (#473) ###########################################

SAMUEL FOOTE
5885
DR. PAUL HIFFERMAN
One day
PAUL was fond of laying, or rather offering, wagers.
in the heat of argument he cried out, "I'll lay my head you are
wrong upon that point. "
"Well," said Foote, "I accept the wager. Any trifle, among
friends, has a value. "
FOOTE AND MACKLIN
ONE night, when Macklin was formally preparing to begin a
lecture, hearing Foote rattling away at the lower end of the
room, and thinking to silence him at once, he called out in his
sarcastic manner, "Pray, young gentleman, do you know what I
am going to say? "
"No, sir," said Foote quickly: "do you? "
BARON NEWMAN
THIS celebrated gambler (well known about town thirty years
ago by the title of the left-handed Baron), being detected in the
rooms at Bath in the act of secreting a card, the company in the
warmth of their resentment threw him out of the window of a
one-pair-of-stairs room, where they were playing. The Baron,
meeting Foote some time afterward, loudly complained of this
usage, and asked him what he should do to repair his injured
honor.
"Do? " said the wit; "why, 'tis a plain case: never play so
high again as long as you live. "
MRS. ABINGTON
WHEN Mrs. Abington returned from her very first successful
trip to Ireland, Foote wished to engage her for his summer thea-
tre; but in the mean time Garrick secured her for Drury Lane.
Foote, on hearing this, asked her why she gave Garrick the
preference.
"I don't know how it was," said she: "he talked me over
by telling me that he would make me immortal, so that I did
not know how to refuse him. "
"Oh! did he so? Then I'll soon outbid him that way; for
come to me and I will give you two pounds a week more, and
charge you nothing for immortality. "


## p. 5886 (#474) ###########################################

5886
SAMUEL FOOTE
GARLIC-EATERS
LAUGHING at the imbecilities of a common friend one day,
somebody observed, "It was very surprising; and Tom D
knew him very well, and thought him far from being a fool. "
"Ah, poor Tom! " said Foote, "he is like one of those people
who eat garlic themselves, and therefore can't smell it in a com-
panion. "
MODE OF BURYING ATTORNEYS IN LONDON
A GENTLEMAN in
country, who had just buried a rich
relation who was an attorney, was complaining to Foote, who
happened to be on a visit with him, of the very great expense of
a country funeral in respect to carriages, hat-bands, scarves, etc.
"Why, do you bury your attorneys here? " asked Foote
gravely.
«< Yes, to be sure we do; how else?
"Oh, we never do that in London. »
"No? " said the other much surprised, "how do you man-
age? »
"Why, when the patient happens to die, we lay him out in a
room over night by himself, lock the door, throw open the sash,
and in the morning he is entirely off. "
"Indeed! " said the other in amazement; what becomes of
«<
him? "
"Why, that we cannot exactly tell, not being acquainted with
supernatural causes. All that we know of the matter is, that
there's a strong smell of brimstone in the room the next morn-
ing. "
DINING BADLY
FOOTE, returning from dinner with a lord of the admiralty,
was met by a friend, who asked him what sort of a day he had
had. "Very indifferent indeed; bad company and a worse din-
ner. "
"I wonder at that," said the other, "as I thought the admiral
a good jolly fellow. "
"Why, as to that, he may be a good sea lord, but take it from
me, he is a very bad landlord. "


## p. 5887 (#475) ###########################################

SAMUEL FOOTE
5887
DIBBLE DAVIS
DIBBLE DAVIS, one of Foote's butts-in-ordinary, dining with
him one day at North-end, observed that "well as he loved por-
ter, he could never drink it without a head. "
"That must be a mistake, Dibble,” returned his host, "as you
have done so to my knowledge alone these twenty years.
>>>
AN EXTRAORDINARY CASE
BEING at the levee of Lord Townsend, when that nobleman
was Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, he thought he saw a person in
his Excellency's suite whom he had known to have lived many
years a life of expediency in London. To convince himself of
the fact, he asked his Excellency who it was.
"That is Mr. T, one of my gentlemen at large," was the
answer. "Do you know him? ”
"Oh, yes! perfectly well," said Foote, "and what your Excel-
lency tells me is doubly extraordinary: first, that he is a gentle-
man; and next, that he is at large. "
MUTABILITY OF THE WORLD
BEING at dinner in a mixed company soon after the bank-
ruptcy of one friend and the death of another, the conversation
naturally turned on the mutability of the world.
« Can you
account for this? " said S- a master builder, who happened
to sit next to Foote. "Why, not very clearly," said the other;
«< except we could suppose the world was built by contract. "
"
AN APPROPRIATE MOTTO
DURING one of Foote's trips to Dublin, he was much solicited
by a silly young man of fashion to assist him in a miscellany of
poems and essays which he was about to publish; but when he
asked to see the manuscript, the other told him "that at present
he had only conceived the different subjects, but had put none of
them to paper. "
"Oh! if that be the state of the case," replied Foote, "I will
give you a motto from Milton for the work in its present state:
'Things unattempted yet in prose or rhyme. »»


## p. 5888 (#476) ###########################################

5888
SAMUEL FOOTE
REAL FRIENDSHIP
A YOUNG gentleman, making an apology to his father for
coming late to dinner, said "that he had been visiting a poor
friend of his in St. George's Fields. " "Ah! a pretty kind of
friend indeed," says the father, "to keep us waiting for dinner
in this manner. "
"Aye, and for the best kind, too," said Foote: "as you know,
my dear sir, a friend in need is a friend indeed. "
ANECDOTE OF AN AUTHOR
AN AUTHOR was boasting that as a reviewer he had the
power of distributing literary reputations as he liked. "Take
care," said Foote, "you are not too prodigal of that, or you may
leave none for yourself. "
DR. BLAIR
WHEN Foote first heard of Dr. Blair's writing 'Notes on
Ossian' (a work the reality of which has always been much
doubted), he observed, "The publishers ought to allow a great
discount to the purchaser, as the notes required such a stretch of
credit. "
ADVICE TO A DRAMATIC WRITER
A DULL dramatic writer, who had often felt the severity of the
public, was complaining one day to Foote of the injustice done.
him by the critics; but added, "I have, however, one way of
being even with them, by constantly laughing at all they say. "
"You do perfectly right, my friend," said Foote; "for by this
method you will not only disappoint your enemies, but lead the
merriest life of any man in England. "
THE GRAFTON MINISTRY
A GENTLEMAN coming into the Cocoa-Tree one morning during
the Duke of Grafton's administration, was observing "that he
was afraid the poor ministry were at their wits' end. "
"Well, if it should be so," said Foote, "what reason have
they to complain of so short a journey? "


## p. 5889 (#477) ###########################################

5889
JOHN FORD
(1586-? )
HE dramatic genius of the English Renaissance had well-nigh
spent itself when the sombre creations of John Ford ap-
Speared upon a stage over which the clouds of the Civil War
were fast gathering. Little is known of this dramatist, who repre-
sents the decadent period which followed the age of Shakespeare.
He was born in 1586; entered the Middle Temple in 1602; after 1641
he is swallowed up in the turmoil of the time. The few scattered
records of his life add nothing to, nor do they take anything from, the
John Ford of 'The Broken Heart' and 'Perkin Warbeck. '
His plays are infected with a spirit alien to the poise and beauty
of the best Elizabethan drama. His creations tell of oblique vision;
of a disillusioned genius, predisposed to abnormal or exaggerated forms
of human experience. He breaks through the moral order, in his love
for the eccentricities of passion. He weaves the spell of his genius
around strange sins.
The problems of despair which Ford propounds but never solves,
form the plot of The Broken Heart'; Calantha, Ithocles, Penthea,
Orgilus, are wan types of the passive suffering which numbs the soul
to death.