No More Learning

Never mind whether it would please me or not,
you ought to have given it to me to read.

Capt. G. It comes to the same thing. You took it yourself.

Mrs. G. Yes, but if I hadn't taken it, you wouldn't have said a word.
I think this Harriet Herriott--it's like a name in a book--is an
interfering old Thing.

Capt. G. (Aside. ) So long as you thoroughly understand that she is old,
I don't much care what you think. (Aloud. ) Very good, dear. Would you
like to write and tell her so? She's seven thousand miles away.

Mrs. G. I don't want to have anything to do with her, but you ought to
have told me. (Turning to last page of letter. ) And she patronizes me,
too. I've never seen her! (Reads. ) "I do not know how the world stands
with you; in all human probability I shall never know; but whatever I
may have said before, I pray for her sake more than for yours that all
may be well. I have learned what misery means, and I dare not wish that
any one dear to you should share my knowledge. "

Capt. G. Good God! Can't you leave that letter alone, or, at least,
can't you refrain from reading it aloud? I've been through it once. Put
it back on the desk. Do you hear me?

Mrs. G. (Irresolutely. ) I sh-sha'n't! (Looks at G. 's eyes. ) Oh, Pip,
please! I didn't mean to make you angry--'Deed, I didn't. Pip, I'm so
sorry. I know I've wasted your time--

Capt. G. (Grimly. ) You have. Now, will you be good enough to go--if
there is nothing more in my room that you are anxious to pry into?

Mrs. G. (Putting out her hands. ) Oh, Pip, don't look at me like that!
I've never seen you look like that before and it hu-urts me! I'm sorry.
I oughtn't to have been here at all, and--and--and--(sobbing. ) Oh, be
good to me! Be good to me! There's only you--anywhere! Breaks down in
long chair, hiding face in cushions.

Capt. G. (Aside. ) She doesn't know how she flicked me on the raw.
(Aloud, bending over chair. ) I didn't mean to be harsh, dear--I didn't
really. You can stay here as long as you please, and do what you please.
Don't cry like that. You'll make yourself sick. (Aside. ) What on earth
has come over her? (Aloud. ) Darling, what's the matter with you?

Mrs. G. (Her face still hidden. ) Let me go--let me go to my own room.
Only--only say you aren't angry with me.

Capt. G. Angry with you, love! Of course not. I was angry with myself.
I'd lost my temper over the saddlery--Don't hide your face, Pussy. I
want to kiss it.

Bends lower, Mrs. G. slides right arm round his neck. Several interludes
and much sobbing.

Mrs. G. (In a whisper. ) I didn't mean about the jam when I came in to
tell you-- CAPT. G. Bother the jam and the equipment! (Interlude. )

Mrs. G. (Still more faintly. ) My finger wasn't scalded at all. I--wanted
to speak to you about--about--something else, and--I didn't know how.

Capt. G. Speak away, then. (Looking into her eyes. ) Eh! Wha-at? Minnie!
Here, don't go away! You don't mean?

Mrs. G. (Hysterically, backing to portiere and hiding her face in its
folds. ) The--the Almost Inevitable Consequences! (Flits through portiere
as G. attempts to catch her, and bolts her self in her own room. )

Capt. G. (His arms full of portiere. ) Oh! (Sitting down heavily in
chair. ) I'm a brute, a pig--a bully, and a blackguard. My poor, poor
little darling! "Made to be amused only? "--




THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW, KNOWING GOOD AND EVIL.

SCENE. The GADSBYS' bungalow in the Plains, in June. Punkah-coolies
asleep in veranda where Captain GADSBY is walking up and down. DOCTOR'S
trap in porch. JUNIOR CHAPLAIN drifting generally and uneasily through
the house. Time, 3:40 A. M. Heat 94 degrees in veranda.

DOCTOR. (Coming into veranda and touching G. on the shoulder. ) You had
better go in and see her now.

Capt. G. (The color of good cigar-ash. ) Eh, wha-at? Oh, yes, of course.
What did you say?

DOCTOR. (Syllable by syllable. ) Go-in-to-the-room-and-see-her. She wants
to speak to you. (Aside, testily. ) I shall have him on my hands next.

JUNIOR CHAPLAIN. (In half-lighted dining room. ) Isn't there any? --

DOCTOR. (Savagely. ) Ha, you little fool!

JUNIOR CHAPLAIN. Let me do my work. Gadsby, stop a minute--I (Edges
after G. )

DOCTOR. Wait till she sends for you at least--at least. Man alive, he'll
kill you if you go in there! What are you bothering him for?

JUNIOR CHAPLAIN. (Coming into veranda. ) I've given him a stiff
brandy-peg. He wants it. You've forgotten him for the last ten hours
and--forgotten yourself too.

G. enters bedroom, which is lit by one night-lamp. Ayah on the floor
pretending to be asleep.

VOICE. (From the bed. ) All down the street--such bonfires! Ayah, go and
put them out! (Appealingly. ) How can I sleep with an installation of the
C. I. E. in my room? No--not C. I. E. Something else. What was it?

Capt. G. (Trying to control his voice. ) Minnie, I'm here. (Bending over
bed. ) Don't you know me, Minnie? It's me--it's Phil--it's your husband.

VOICE. (Mechanically. ) It's me--it's Phil--it's your husband.

Capt. G. She doesn't know me! --It's your own husband, darling.

VOICE. Your own husband, darling.

Ayah. (With an inspiration.
) Memsahib understanding all I saying.

Capt. G. Make her understand me then--quick!

Ayah. (Hand on Mrs. G. 's fore-head. ) Memsahib! Captain Sahib here.

VOICE. Salaem do. (Fretfully. ) I know I'm not fit to be seen.

Ayah. (Aside to G. ) Say "marneen" same as breakfash.

Capt. G. Good morning, little woman. How are we today?

VOICE. That's Phil. Poor old Phil. (Viciously. ) Phil, you fool, I can't
see you. Come nearer.

Capt. G. Minnie! Minnie! It's me--you know me?

VOICE. (Mockingly. ) Of course I do. Who does not know the man who was so
cruel to his wife--almost the only one he ever had?

Capt. G. Yes, dear. Yes--of course, of course. But won't you speak to
him? He wants to speak to you so much.

VOICE. They'd never let him in. The Doctor would give darwaza band even
if he were in the house. He'll never come. (Despairingly. ) O Judas!
Judas! Judas!

Capt. G. (Putting out his arms. ) They have let him in, and he always was
in the house Oh, my love--don't you know me?

VOICE. (In a half chant. ) "And it came to pass at the eleventh hour
that this poor soul repented. " It knocked at the gates, but they were
shut--tight as a plaster--a great, burning plaster. They had pasted our
marriage certificate all across the door, and it was made of red-hot
iron--people really ought to be more careful, you know.

Capt. G. What am I to do? (Taking her in his arms. ) Minnie! speak to
me--to Phil.

VOICE. What shall I say? Oh, tell me what to say before it's too late!
They are all going away and I can't say anything.

Capt. G. Say you know me! Only say you know me!

DOCTOR. (Who has entered quietly. ) For pity's sake don't take it too
much to heart, Gadsby. It's this way sometimes. They won't recognize.
They say all sorts of queer things--don't you see?

Capt. G. All right! All right! Go away now; she'll recognize me; you're
bothering her. She must--mustn't she?

DOCTOR. She will before--Have I your leave to try? --

Capt. G. Anything you please, so long as she'll know me. It's only a
question of hours, isn't it?

DOCTOR. (Professionally. ) While there's life there's hope y'know. But
don't build on it.

Capt. G. I don't. Pull her together if it's possible. (Aside. ) What have
I done to deserve this?

DOCTOR. (Bending over bed. ) Now, Mrs. Gadsby! We shall be all right
tomorrow. You must take it, or I sha'n't let Phil see you. It isn't
nasty, is it?

Voice. Medicines! Always more medicines! Can't you leave me alone?

Capt. G. Oh, leave her in peace, Doc!

DOCTOR. (Stepping back,--aside. ) May I be forgiven if I've done wrong.
(Aloud. ) In a few minutes she ought to be sensible; but I daren't tell
you to look for anything. It's only--

Capt. G. What? Go on, man.

DOCTOR. (In a whisper. ) Forcing the last rally.

Capt. G. Then leave us alone.

DOCTOR. Don't mind what she says at first, if you can. They--they--they
turn against those they love most sometimes in this. --It's hard, but--

Capt. G. Am I her husband or are you? Leave us alone for what time we
have together.

VOICE. (Confidentially. ) And we were engaged quite suddenly, Emma. I
assure you that I never thought of it for a moment; but, oh, my little
Me! --I don't know what I should have done if he hadn't proposed.

Capt. G. She thinks of that Deercourt girl before she thinks of me.
(Aloud. ) Minnie!

VOICE. Not from the shops, Mummy dear. You can get the real leaves from
Kaintu, and (laughing weakly) never mind about the blossoms--Dead white
silk is only fit for widows, and I won't wear it. It's as bad as a
winding sheet. (A long pause. )

Capt. G. I never asked a favor yet. If there is anybody to listen to me,
let her know me--even if I die too!

VOICE. (Very faintly. ) Pip, Pip dear.

Capt. G. I'm here, darling.

VOICE. What has happened? They've been bothering me so with medicines
and things, and they wouldn't let you come and see me. I was never ill
before. Am I ill now?

Capt. G. You--you aren't quite well.

VOICE. How funny! Have I been ill long?

Capt. G. Some days; but you'll be all right in a little time.

VOICE. Do you think so, Pip? I don't feel well and--Oh! what have they
done to my hair?

Capt. G. I d-d-on't know.

VOICE. They've cut it off. What a shame!

Capt. G. It must have been to make your head cooler.

VOICE. Just like a boy's wig. Don't I look horrid?

Capt. G. Never looked prettier in your life, dear. (Aside. ) How am I to
ask her to say goodbye?

VOICE. I don't feel pretty. I feel very ill. My heart won't work.