No More Learning

stood in front of the desk and explained to the
young man, who listened calm and attentive, what would need to be done
that day in his absence, speaking in a calm voice and making use of
various documents. The presence of K. 's uncle while this was going on
was quite disturbing; he did not listen to what was being said, but at
first he stood there with eyes wide open and nervously biting his lips.
Then he began to walk up and down the room, stopped now and then at the
window, or stood in front of a picture always making various
exclamations such as, "That is totally incomprehensible to me! " or "Now
just tell me, what are you supposed to make of that? ! " The young man
pretended to notice nothing of this and listened to K. 's instructions
through to the end, he made a few notes, bowed to both K. and his uncle
and then left the room. K. 's uncle had turned his back to him and was
looking out the window, bunching up the curtains with his outstretched
hands. The door had hardly closed when he called out, "At last! Now
that he's stopped jumping about we can go too! " Once they were in the
front hall of the bank, where several members of staff were standing
about and where, just then, the deputy director was walking across,
there was unfortunately no way of stopping K. 's uncle from continually
asking questions about the trial. "Now then, Josef," he began, lightly
acknowledging the bows from those around them as they passed, "tell me
everything about this trial; what sort of trial is it? " K. made a few
comments which conveyed little information, even laughed a little, and
it was only when they reached the front steps that he explained to his
uncle that he had not wanted to talk openly in front of those people.
"Quite right," said his uncle, "but now start talking. " With his head
to one side, and smoking his cigar in short, impatient draughts, he
listened. "First of all, Uncle," said K. , "it's not a trial like you'd
have in a normal courtroom. " "So much the worse," said his uncle.
"How's that? " asked K. , looking at him. "What I mean is, that's for the
worse," he repeated. They were standing on the front steps of the bank;
as the doorkeeper seemed to be listening to what they were saying K.
drew his uncle down further, where they were absorbed into the bustle of
the street. His uncle took K. 's arm and stopped asking questions with
such urgency about the trial, they walked on for a while in silence.
"But how did all this come about? " he eventually asked, stopping
abruptly enough to startle the people walking behind, who had to avoid
walking into him. "Things like this don't come all of a sudden, they
start developing a long time beforehand, there must have been warning
signs of it, why didn't you write to me? You know I'd do anything for
you, to some extent I am still your guardian, and until today that's
something I was proud of. I'll still help you, of course I will, only
now, now that the trial is already underway, it makes it very difficult.
But whatever; the best thing now is for you to take a short holiday
staying with us in the country. You've lost weight, I can see that now.
The country life will give you strength, that will be good, there's
bound to be a lot of hard work ahead of you. But besides that it'll be
a way of getting you away from the court, to some extent. Here they've
got every means of showing the powers at their disposal and they're
automatically bound to use them against you; in the country they'll
either have to delegate authority to different bodies or just have to
try and bother you by letter, telegram or telephone. And that's bound
to weaken the effect, it won't release you from them but it'll give you
room to breathe. " "You could forbid me to leave," said K. , who had been
drawn slightly into his uncle's way of thinking by what he had been
saying. "I didn't think you would do it," said his uncle thoughtfully,
"you won't suffer too much loss of power by moving away. " K. grasped
his uncle under the arm to prevent him stopping still and said, "I
thought you'd think all this is less important than I do, and now you're
taking it so hard. " "Josef," called his uncle trying to disentangle
himself from him so that he could stop walking, but K. did not let go,
"you've completely changed, you used to be so astute, are you losing it
now? Do you want to lose the trial? Do you realise what that would
mean? That would mean you would be simply destroyed. And that everyone
you know would be pulled down with you or at the very least humiliated,
disgraced right down to the ground. Josef, pull yourself together. The
way you're so indifferent about it, it's driving me mad. Looking at you
I can almost believe that old saying: 'Having a trial like that means
losing a trial like that'. " "My dear Uncle," said K. , "it won't do any
good to get excited, it's no good for you to do it and it'd be no good
for me to do it. The case won't be won by getting excited, and please
admit that my practical experience counts for something, just as I have
always and still do respect your experience, even when it surprises me.
You say that the family will also be affected by this trial; I really
can't see how, but that's beside the point and I'm quite willing to
follow your instructions in all of this. Only, I don't see any
advantage in staying in the country, not even for you, as that would
indicate flight and a sense of guilt. And besides, although I am more
subject to persecution if I stay in the city I can also press the matter
forward better here. " "You're right," said his uncle in a tone that
seemed to indicate they were finally coming closer to each other, "I
just made the suggestion because, as I saw it, if you stay in the city
the case will be put in danger by your indifference to it, and I thought
it was better if I did the work for you. But will you push things
forward yourself with all your strength, if so, that will naturally be
far better. " "We're agreed then," said K. "And do you have any
suggestions for what I should do next? " "Well, naturally I'll have to
think about it," said his uncle, "you must bear in mind that I've been
living in the country for twenty years now, almost without a break, you
lose your ability to deal with matters like this. But I do have some
important connections with several people who, I expect, know their way
around these things better than I do, and to contact them is a matter of
course. Out there in the country I've been getting out of condition,
I'm sure you're already aware of that. It's only at times like this
that you notice it yourself. And this affair of yours came largely
unexpected, although, oddly enough, I had expected something of the sort
after I'd read Erna's letter, and today when I saw your face I knew it
with almost total certainty. But all that is by the by, the important
thing now is, we have no time to lose. " Even while he was still
speaking, K. 's uncle had stood on tiptoe to summon a taxi and now he
pulled K. into the car behind himself as he called out an address to the
driver. "We're going now to see Dr. Huld, the lawyer," he said, "we
were at school together. I'm sure you know the name, don't you? No?
Well that is odd. He's got a very good reputation as a defence
barrister and for working with the poor. But I esteem him especially as
someone you can trust. " "It's alright with me, whatever you do," said
K. , although he was made uneasy by the rushed and urgent way his uncle
was dealing with the matter. It was not very encouraging, as the
accused, be to taken to a lawyer for poor people. "I didn't know," he
said, "that you could take on a lawyer in matters like this. " "Well of
course you can," said his uncle, "that goes without saying. Why
wouldn't you take on a lawyer? And now, so that I'm properly instructed
in this matter, tell me what's been happening so far. " K. instantly
began telling his uncle about what had been happening, holding nothing
back - being completely open with him was the only way that K. could
protest at his uncle's belief that the trial was a great disgrace. He
mentioned Miss Burstner's name just once and in passing, but that did
nothing to diminish his openness about the trial as Miss Burstner had no
connection with it. As he spoke, he looked out the window and saw how,
just then, they were getting closer to the suburb where the court
offices were. He drew this to his uncle's attention, but he did not
find the coincidence especially remarkable. The taxi stopped in front
of a dark building. K. 's uncle knocked at the very first door at ground
level; while they waited he smiled, showing his big teeth, and
whispered, "Eight o'clock; not the usual sort of time to be visiting a
lawyer, but Huld won't mind it from me. " Two large, black eyes appeared
in the spy-hatch in the door, they stared at the two visitors for a
while and then disappeared; the door, however, did not open. K. and his
uncle confirmed to each other the fact that they had seen the two eyes.
"A new maid, afraid of strangers," said K. 's uncle, and knocked again.
The eyes appeared once more. This time they seemed almost sad, but the
open gas flame that burned with a hiss close above their heads gave off
little light and that may have merely created an illusion. "Open the
door," called K. 's uncle, raising his fist against it, "we are friends
of Dr. Huld, the lawyer! " "Dr. Huld is ill," whispered someone behind
them. In a doorway at the far end of a narrow passage stood a man in
his dressing gown, giving them this information in an extremely quiet
voice. K. 's uncle, who had already been made very angry by the long
wait, turned abruptly round and retorted, "Ill? You say he's ill? " and
strode towards the gentleman in a way that seemed almost threatening, as
if he were the illness himself. "They've opened the door for you, now,"
said the gentleman, pointing at the door of the lawyer. He pulled his
dressing gown together and disappeared. The door had indeed been
opened, a young girl - K. recognised the dark, slightly bulging eyes -
stood in the hallway in a long white apron, holding a candle in her
hand. "Next time, open up sooner! " said K. 's uncle instead of a
greeting, while the girl made a slight curtsey. "Come along, Josef," he
then said to K. who was slowly moving over towards the girl. "Dr. Huld
is unwell," said the girl as K. 's uncle, without stopping, rushed
towards one of the doors. K. continued to look at the girl in amazement
as she turned round to block the way into the living room, she had a
round face like a puppy's, not only the pale cheeks and the chin were
round but the temples and the hairline were too. "Josef! " called his
uncle once more, and he asked the girl, "It's trouble with his heart, is
it? " "I think it is, sir," said the girl, who by now had found time to
go ahead with the candle and open the door into the room. In one corner
of the room, where the light of the candle did not reach, a face with a
long beard looked up from the bed. "Leni, who's this coming in? " asked
the lawyer, unable to recognise his guests because he was dazzled by the
candle. "It's your old friend, Albert," said K. 's uncle. "Oh, Albert,"
said the lawyer, falling back onto his pillow as if this visit meant he
would not need to keep up appearances. "Is it really as bad as that? "
asked K. 's uncle, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I don't believe it
is. It's a recurrence of your heart trouble and it'll pass over like
the other times. " "Maybe," said the lawyer quietly, "but it's just as
much trouble as it's ever been. I can hardly breathe, I can't sleep at
all and I'm getting weaker by the day. " "I see," said K. 's uncle,
pressing his panama hat firmly against his knee with his big hand.
"That is bad news. But are you getting the right sort of care? And
it's so depressing in here, it's so dark. It's a long time since I was
last here, but it seemed to me friendlier then. Even your young lady
here doesn't seem to have much life in her, unless she's just
pretending. " The maid was still standing by the door with the candle;
as far as could be made out, she was watching K. more than she was
watching his uncle even while the latter was still speaking about her.
K. leant against a chair that he had pushed near to the girl. "When
you're as ill as I am," said the lawyer, "you need to have peace. I
don't find it depressing. " After a short pause he added, "and Leni
looks after me well, she's a good girl. " But that was not enough to
persuade K. 's uncle, he had visibly taken against his friend's carer
and, even though he did not contradict the invalid, he persecuted her
with his scowl as she went over to the bed, put the candle on the
bedside table and, leaning over the bed, made a fuss of him by tidying
the pillows. K. 's uncle nearly forgot the need to show any
consideration for the man who lay ill in bed, he stood up, walked up and
down behind the carer, and K. would not have been surprised if he had
grabbed hold of her skirts behind her and dragged her away from the bed.
K. himself looked on calmly, he was not even disappointed at finding the
lawyer unwell, he had been able to do nothing to oppose the enthusiasm
his uncle had developed for the matter, he was glad that this enthusiasm
had now been distracted without his having to do anything about it. His
uncle, probably simply wishing to be offensive to the lawyer's
attendant, then said, "Young lady, now please leave us alone for a
while, I have some personal matters to discuss with my friend. " Dr.
Huld's carer was still leant far over the invalid's bed and smoothing
out the cloth covering the wall next to it, she merely turned her head
and then, in striking contrast with the anger that first stopped K. 's
uncle from speaking and then let the words out in a gush, she said very
quietly, "You can see that Dr. Huld is so ill that he can't discuss any
matters at all. " It was probably just for the sake of convenience that
she had repeated the words spoken by K. 's uncle, but an onlooker might
even have perceived it as mocking him and he, of course, jumped up as if
he had just been stabbed. "You damned . . . ," in the first gurglings of
his excitement his words could hardly be understood, K. was startled
even though he had been expecting something of the sort and ran to his
uncle with the intention, no doubt, of closing his mouth with both his
hands. Fortunately, though, behind the girl, the invalid raised himself
up, K. 's uncle made an ugly face as if swallowing something disgusting
and then, somewhat calmer, said, "We have naturally not lost our senses,
not yet; if what I am asking for were not possible I would not be asking
for it. Now please, go! " The carer stood up straight by the bed
directly facing K. 's uncle, K. thought he noticed that with one hand she
was stroking the lawyer's hand. "You can say anything in front of
Leni," said the invalid, in a tone that was unmistakably imploring.
"It's not my business," said K. 's uncle, "and it's not my secrets. " And
he twisted himself round as if wanting to go into no more negotiations
but giving himself a little more time to think. "Whose business is it
then? " asked the lawyer in an exhausted voice as he leant back again.
"My nephew's," said K. 's uncle, "and I've brought him along with me. "
And he introduced him, "Chief Clerk Josef K. " "Oh! " said the invalid,
now with much more life in him, and reached out his hand towards K. "Do
forgive me, I didn't notice you there at all. " Then he then said to his
carer, "Leni, go," stretching his hand out to her as if this were a
farewell that would have to last for a long time. This time the girl
offered no resistance. "So you," he finally said to K. 's uncle, who had
also calmed down and stepped closer, "you haven't come to visit me
because I'm ill but you've come on business.
" The lawyer now looked so
much stronger that it seemed the idea of being visited because he was
ill had somehow made him weak, he remained supporting himself of one
elbow, which must have been rather tiring, and continually pulled at a
lock of hair in the middle of his beard. "You already look much
better," said K. 's uncle, "now that that witch has gone outside. " He
interrupted himself, whispered, "I bet you she's listening! " and sprang
over to the door. But behind the door there was no-one, K. 's uncle came
back not disappointed, as her not listening seemed to him worse than if
she had been, but probably somewhat embittered. "You're mistaken about
her," said the lawyer, but did nothing more to defend her; perhaps that
was his way of indicating that she did not need defending. But in a
tone that was much more committed he went on, "As far as your nephew's
affairs are concerned, this will be an extremely difficult undertaking
and I'd count myself lucky if my strength lasted out long enough for it;
I'm greatly afraid it won't do, but anyway I don't want to leave
anything untried; if I don't last out you can always get somebody else.
To be honest, this matter interests me too much, and I can't bring
myself to give up the chance of taking some part in it. If my heart
does totally give out then at least it will have found a worthy affair
to fail in. " K. believed he understood not a word of this entire
speech, he looked at his uncle for an explanation but his uncle sat on
the bedside table with the candle in his hand, a medicine bottle had
rolled off the table onto the floor, he nodded to everything the lawyer
said, agreed to everything, and now and then looked at K. urging him to
show the same compliance. Maybe K. 's uncle had already told the lawyer
about the trial. But that was impossible, everything that had happened
so far spoke against it. So he said,
"I don't understand . . . " "Well, maybe I've misunderstood what you've
been saying," said the lawyer, just as astonished and embarrassed as K.
"Perhaps I've been going too fast. What was it you wanted to speak to
me about? I thought it was to do with your trial. " "Of course it is,"
said K. 's uncle, who then asked K. , "So what is it you want? " "Yes, but
how is it that you know anything about me and my case? " asked K. "Oh, I
see," said the lawyer with a smile. "I am a lawyer, I move in court
circles, people talk about various different cases and the more
interesting ones stay in your mind, especially when they concern the
nephew of a friend. There's nothing very remarkable about that. " "What
is it you want, then? " asked K. 's uncle once more, "You seem so uneasy
about it" "You move in this court's circles? " asked K. "Yes," said the
lawyer. "You're asking questions like a child," said K. 's uncle. "What
circles should I move in, then, if not with members of my own
discipline? " the lawyer added. It sounded so indisputable that K. gave
no answer at all. "But you work in the High Court, not that court in
the attic," he had wanted to say but could not bring himself to actually
utter it. "You have to realise," the lawyer continued, in a tone as if
he were explaining something obvious, unnecessary and incidental, "you
have to realise that I also derive great advantage for my clients from
mixing with those people, and do so in many different ways, it's not
something you can keep talking about all the time. I'm at a bit of a
disadvantage now, of course, because of my illness, but I still get
visits from some good friends of mine at the court and I learn one or
two things. It might even be that I learn more than many of those who
are in the best of health and spend all day in court. And I'm receiving
a very welcome visit right now, for instance. " And he pointed into a
dark corner of the room. "Where? " asked K. , almost uncouth in his
surprise. He looked round uneasily; the little candle gave off far too
little light to reach as far as the wall opposite. And then, something
did indeed begin to move there in the corner. In the light of the
candle held up by K. 's uncle an elderly gentleman could be seen sitting
beside a small table. He had been sitting there for so long without
being noticed that he could hardly have been breathing. Now he stood up
with a great deal of fuss, clearly unhappy that attention had been drawn
to him. It was as if, by flapping his hands about like short wings, he
hoped to deflect any introductions and greetings, as if he wanted on no
account to disturb the others by his presence and seemed to be exhorting
them to leave him back in the dark and forget about his being there.
That, however, was something that could no longer be granted him. "You
took us by surprise, you see," said the lawyer in explanation,
cheerfully indicating to the gentleman that he should come closer,
which, slowly, hesitatingly, looking all around him, but with a certain
dignity, he did. "The office director - oh, yes, forgive me, I haven't
introduced you - this is my friend Albert K. , this is his nephew, the
chief clerk Josef K. , and this is the office director - so, the office
director was kind enough to pay me a visit. It's only possible to
appreciate just how valuable a visit like this is if you've been let
into the secret of what a pile of work the office director has heaped
over him. Well, he came anyway, we were having a peaceful chat, as far
as I was able when I'm so weak, and although we hadn't told Leni she
mustn't let anyone in as we weren't expecting anyone, we still would
rather have remained alone, but then along came you, Albert, thumping
your fists on the door, the office director moved over into the corner
pulling his table and chair with him, but now it turns out we might
have, that is, if that's what you wish, we might have something to
discuss with each other and it would be good if we can all come back
together again. - Office director . . . ," he said with his head on one
side, pointing with a humble smile to an armchair near the bed. "I'm
afraid I'll only be able to stay a few minutes more," smiled the office
director as he spread himself out in the armchair and looked at the
clock. "Business calls. But I wouldn't want to miss the chance of
meeting a friend of my friend. " He inclined his head slightly toward
K. 's uncle, who seemed very happy with his new acquaintance, but he was
not the sort of person to express his feelings of deference and
responded to the office director's words with embarrassed, but loud,
laughter. A horrible sight! K. was able to quietly watch everything as
nobody paid any attention to him, the office director took over as
leader of the conversation as seemed to be his habit once he had been
called forward, the lawyer listened attentively with his hand to his
ear, his initial weakness having perhaps only had the function of
driving away his new visitors, K. 's uncle served as candle-bearer -
balancing the candle on his thigh while the office director frequently
glanced nervously at it - and was soon free of his embarrassment and was
quickly enchanted not only by the office director's speaking manner but
also by the gentle, waving hand-movements with which he accompanied it.
K. , leaning against the bedpost, was totally ignored by the office
director, perhaps deliberately, and served the old man only as audience.
And besides, he had hardly any idea what the conversation was about and
his thoughts soon turned to the care assistant and the ill treatment she
had suffered from his uncle. Soon after, he began to wonder whether he
had not seen the office director somewhere before, perhaps among the
people who were at his first hearing. He may have been mistaken, but
thought the office director might well have been among the old gentlemen
with the thin beards in the first row.

There was then a noise that everyone heard from the hallway as if
something of porcelain were being broken. "I'll go and see what's
happened," said K. , who slowly left the room as if giving the others the
chance to stop him. He had hardly stepped into the hallway, finding his
bearings in the darkness with his hand still firmly holding the door,
when another small hand, much smaller than K. 's own, placed itself on
his and gently shut the door. It was the carer who had been waiting
there. "Nothing has happened," she whispered to him, "I just threw a
plate against the wall to get you out of there. " "I was thinking about
you, as well," replied K. uneasily. "So much the better," said the
carer. "Come with me". A few steps along, they came to a frosted glass
door which the carer opened for him. "Come in here," she said. It was
clearly the lawyer's office, fitted out with old, heavy furniture, as
far as could be seen in the moonlight which now illuminated just a
small, rectangular section of the floor by each of the three big
windows. "This way," said the carer, pointing to a dark trunk with a
carved, wooden backrest. When he had sat down, K. continued to look
round the room, it was a large room with a high ceiling, the clients of
this lawyer for the poor must have felt quite lost in it. K. thought he
could see the little steps with which visitors would approach the
massive desk. But then he forgot about all of this and had eyes only
for the carer who sat very close beside him, almost pressing him against
the armrest. "I did think," she said "you would come out here to me by
yourself without me having to call you first. It was odd. First you stare
at me as soon as you come in, and then you keep me waiting. And you
ought to call me Leni, too," she added quickly and suddenly, as if no
moment of this conversation should be lost. "Gladly," said K. "But as
for its being odd, Leni, that's easy to explain. Firstly, I had to
listen to what the old men were saying and couldn't leave without a good
reason, but secondly I'm not a bold person, if anything I'm quite shy,
and you, Leni, you didn't really look like you could be won over in one
stroke, either. " "That's not it," said Leni, laying one arm on the
armrest and looking at K. , "you didn't like me, and I don't suppose you
like me now, either. " "Liking wouldn't be very much," said K. ,
evasively. "Oh! " she exclaimed with a smile, thus making use of K. 's
comment to gain an advantage over him. So K. remained silent for a
while. By now, he had become used to the darkness in the room and was
able to make out various fixtures and fittings. He was especially
impressed by a large picture hanging to the right of the door, he leant
forward in order to see it better. It depicted a man wearing a judge's
robes; he was sitting on a lofty throne gilded in a way that shone forth
from the picture. The odd thing about the picture was that this judge
was not sitting there in dignified calm but had his left arm pressed
against the back and armrest, his right arm, however, was completely
free and only grasped the armrest with his hand, as if about to jump up
any moment in vigorous outrage and make some decisive comment or even to
pass sentence. The accused was probably meant to be imagined at the
foot of the steps, the top one of which could be seen in the picture,
covered with a yellow carpet. "That might be my judge," said K. ,
pointing to the picture with one finger. "I know him," said Leni
looking up at the picture, "he comes here quite often. That picture is
from when he was young, but he can never have looked anything like it,
as he's tiny, minute almost. But despite that, he had himself made to
look bigger in the picture as he's madly vain, just like everyone round
here. But even I'm vain and that makes me very unhappy that you don't
like me. " K. replied to that last comment merely by embracing Leni and
drawing her towards him, she lay her head quietly on his shoulder. To
the rest of it, though, he said, "What rank is he? " "He's an examining
judge," she said, taking hold of the hand with which K. held her and
playing with his fingers. "Just an examining judge once again," said K.
in disappointment, "the senior officials keep themselves hidden. But
here he is sitting on a throne. " "That's all just made up," said Leni
with her face bent over K. 's hand, "really he's sitting on a kitchen
chair with an old horse blanket folded over it. But do you have to be
always thinking about your trial? " she added slowly. "No, not at all,"
said K. , "I probably even think too little about it. " "That's not the
mistake you're making," said Leni, "you're too unyielding, that's what
I've heard. " "Who said that? " asked K. , he felt her body against his
chest and looked down on her rich, dark, tightly-bound hair. "I'd be
saying too much if I told you that," answered Leni. "Please don't ask
for names, but do stop making these mistakes of yours, stop being so
unyielding, there's nothing you can do to defend yourself from this
court, you have to confess. So confess to them as soon as you get the
chance. It's only then that they give you the chance to get away, not
till then. Only, without help from outside even that's impossible, but
you needn't worry about getting this help as I want to help you myself. "
"You understand a lot about this court and what sort of tricks are
needed," said K. as he lifted her, since she was pressing in much too
close to him, onto his lap. "That's alright, then," she said, and made
herself comfortable on his lap by smoothing out her skirt and adjusting
her blouse. Then she hung both her arms around his neck, leant back and
took a long look at him. "And what if I don't confess, could you not
help me then? " asked K. to test her out. I'm accumulating women to help
me, he thought to himself almost in amazement, first Miss Burstner, then
the court usher's wife, and now this little care assistant who seems to
have some incomprehensible need for me. The way she sits on my lap as
if it were her proper place! "No," answered Leni, slowly shaking her
head, "I couldn't help you then. But you don't want my help anyway, it
means nothing to you, you're too stubborn and won't be persuaded. "
Then, after a while she asked, "Do you have a lover? " "No," said K.
"Oh, you must have," she said. "Well, I have really," said K. "Just
think, I've even betrayed her while I'm carrying her photograph with
me. " Leni insisted he show her a photograph of Elsa, and then, hunched
on his lap, studied the picture closely. The photograph was not one
that had been taken while Elsa was posing for it, it showed her just
after she had been in a wild dance such as she liked to do in wine bars,
her skirt was still flung out as she span round, she had placed her
hands on her firm hips and, with her neck held taut, looked to one side
with a laugh; you could not see from the picture whom her laugh was
intended for. "She's very tightly laced," said Leni, pointing to the
place where she thought this could be seen. "I don't like her, she's
clumsy and crude. But maybe she's gentle and friendly towards you,
that's the impression you get from the picture. Big, strong girls like
that often don't know how to be anything but gentle and friendly. Would
she be capable of sacrificing herself for you, though? " "No," said K. ,
"she isn't gentle or friendly, and nor would she be capable of
sacrificing herself for me. But I've never yet asked any of those
things of her. I've never looked at this picture as closely as you. "
"You can't think much of her, then," said Leni. "She can't be your lover
after all. " "Yes she is," said K. , "I'm not going to take my word back
on that. " "Well she might be your lover now, then," said Leni, "but you
wouldn't miss her much if you lost her or if you exchanged her for
somebody else, me for instance. " "That is certainly conceivable," said
K. with a smile, "but she does have one major advantage over you, she
knows nothing about my trial, and even if she did she wouldn't think
about it. She wouldn't try to persuade me to be less unyielding. " "Well
that's no advantage," said Leni. "If she's got no advantage other than
that, I can keep on hoping. Has she got any bodily defects? " "'Bodily
defects'? " asked K. "Yeah," said Leni, "as I do have a bodily defect,
just a little one. Look. " She spread the middle and ring fingers of
her right hand apart from each other. Between those fingers the flap of
skin connecting them reached up almost as far as the top joint of the
little finger. In the darkness, K. did not see at first what it was she
wanted to show him, so she led his hand to it so that he could feel.
"What a freak of nature," said K.