No More Learning

" 4 And he would have carried his point, had not the prefect Plautianus,17 or rather Juvenalis,18 stood out against him in the hope of proscriptions, for which they became enriched. They were also encouraged by the great brutality of Bassianus. 5 He, in the course of his argument, urged, half in jest half in earnest, that all those of the opposite factions be slain together with their children; whereupon Geta, it is said, exclaimed, "You, who spare no one, are capable even of killing your brother" — a remark which received no attention then, but afterwards passed for an omen.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 5 1 In his literary studies he held fast to the ancient writers. He was ever mindful of his father's sayings, always regarded by his brother with hatred, more affectionate than his brother toward their mother, speaking with a stammer though his voice was melodious. 2 He was very fond of bright clothing — so much so, in fact, that his father would laugh at him. Whatever he received from his parents he used for his own adornment, and he never gave presents to any.

3 After the Parthian war, his father, who was then at the height of his glory and had named Bassianus partner in the imperial power, gave Geta the name of Caesar19 and, according to some, of Antoninus also.

4 It was a common practice of his to propound puzzles to the grammarians, asking them to characterize the cries of the different animals, as for example: 5 the lamb bleats, the pig squeals, the dove p43 coos, the hog grunts, the bear growls, the lion roars, the leopard snarls, the elephant trumpets, the frog croaks, the horse neighs, the ass brays, the bull bellows; and in proof he would cite the ancient writers. 6 His favourite books were the works of Serenus Sammonicus,20 addressed to him by Antoninus. 7 He was accustomed, moreover, to have skilful slaves serve meals, and especially dinners, according to a single letter of the alphabet, as, for instance, one in which there were 8 goose, gammon,21 and gadwall,22 or, again, pullet, partridge, peacock, pork, poisson, pig's-thigh, and other kinds of food beginning with this letter, or pheasant, farina, figs and so forth. For this reason he was considered a good comrade, even in his youth.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 6 1 After the murder of Geta, those soldiers who had not been bribed received the news of the fratricide with anger, and all declared they had sworn allegiance to both sons and ought to maintain it to both. 23 They then closed the gates of the Camp and for a long time the Emperor was not admitted. 2 And not until he had quieted their anger by bitter words about Geta and by giving them great sums of money, was Bassianus able to return to Rome. 3 Next, Papinian and many others besides, who had either desired concord or had been partisans of Geta, were killed;24 men of both senatorial and equestrian rank were slain while in the bath, or at table, or in the street, and Papinian himself was struck down with an axe, whereupon Bassianus found fault that the business had not been done with a sword. 4 At last matters came to the point of a mutiny among the city-troops;25 Bassianus, however, brought them to order with no light hand, and their tribune was put to death, p45 as some relate, or, as others, sent into exile. 5 Yet Bassianus himself was in such fear that he entered the Senate-house wearing a cuirass under his broad-striped tunic and thus clad rendered an account of his actions and of the death of Geta. 26 6 It was at this time, too, it is said, that Helvius Pertinax, the son of Pertinax, afterwards killed by Bassianus,27 remarked to the praetor Faustinus, who was reading aloud and had uttered the titles Sarmaticus Maximus28 and Parthicus Maximus, "Add to these also Geticus Maximus," that is to say, Gothicus. 7 This remark sank deep into the heart of Bassianus, as was afterwards proved by his murder of Pertinax, and not of Pertinax alone, but, as we have said before, of many others as well, far and wide and with utter injustice. He suspected Helvius, moreover, of aspiring to the imperial office, merely because he was loved by all and was the son of Pertinax the Emperor — a combination none too safe for any man content to remain a commoner.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 7 1 The funeral of Geta was too splendid, it is said, for a man supposed to have been killed by his brother. 2 He was laid in the tomb of his ancestors, of Severus, that is, on the Via Appia at the right as you go to the gate;29 it was constructed after the manner of the Septizonium, which Severus during his life had embellished for himself.

3 Antoninus also planned to slay Geta's mother, his own step-mother,30 because she mourned for his brother, and with her the women whom on his return from the Senate-house he found in tears. 4 He was, moreover, so cruel that he lavished his favours particularly on those whom he had destined for death, p47 so that his favour was viewed with more fear than his anger. 5 It seemed, indeed, strange to all that he himself wept for the death of Geta whenever he heard his name mentioned or saw his portrait or his statue. 6 Such, however, was the caprice, or rather the bloodthirstiness, of Antoninus Bassianus, that he slew, now the partisans of Geta, and now his enemies, according as chance threw them in his way. As a result, Geta was the more regretted.


The Life of Opellius1 Macrinus

1 1 [Legamen ad paginam Latinam] The lives of such emperors, usurpers or Caesars, as held their throne for no long time lie hidden away in darkness, because, in the first place, there is nothing in their private lives worth telling, since they would have remained totally unknown had they not aspired to the throne; and, in the second place, not much can be said about their sovereignty, because they did not hold it long. None the less, we shall bring forward what we have discovered in various historical works — and they shall be facts that are worthy to be related. 2 For there is no man who has not done something or other every day of his life; it is the business of the biographer, however, to relate only those events that are worth the knowing. 3 Junius Cordus,2 indeed, was fond of publishing the lives of those emperors whom he considered the more obscure. 4 He did not, however, accomplish much; for he found but little information and that not worth noting. He openly declared that he would search out the most trivial details, as though, in dealing with a Trajan, a Pius, or p51 a Marcus, it should be known how often he went out walking, when he varied his diet, and when he changed his clothes, whom he advanced in public life and at what time. 5 By searching out all this sort of thing and recording it, he filled his books with gossip, whereas either nothing at all should be said of petty matters or certainly very little, and then only when light can thereby be thrown on character. It is character, of course, that we really want to know, but only to a certain extent, that from this the rest may be inferred.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 2 1 Now after the murder of Antoninus Bassianus,3 Opellius Macrinus, who was his prefect of the guard and had previously been the steward of his private property,4 laid hold upon the imperial power. Though of humble origin5 and shameless in spirit as well as in countenance, and though hated by all, both civilians and soldiers, he nevertheless proclaimed himself now Severus and now Antoninus. 6 2 Then he set out at once for the Parthian war7 and thus gave no opportunity either for the soldiers to form an opinion of him, or for the gossip by which he was beset to gain its full strength. 3 The senators, however, out of hatred for Antoninus Bassianus, received him as emperor gladly, and in all the senate there was but the one cry: 4 "Anyone rather than the fratricide, anyone rather than the incestuous, anyone rather than the filthy, anyone rather than the slayer of the senate and people! "8

5 It may perhaps seem to all a matter for wonder p53 that Macrinus wished his son Diadumenianus9 to receive the name Antoninus, when he himself, it was reported, was responsible for the murder of an Antoninus. [Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 3 1 Concerning this matter I will relate what has been recorded in books of history. The priestess of Caelestis10 at Carthage was wont, when inspired by the goddess, to predict the truth. Now once, in the reign of Antoninus Pius, she was foretelling the future to the proconsul, who, according to custom, was consulting about the public welfare as well as his own hopes of power, and when she came to the emperors she bade him in a loud voice count the number of times she said Antoninus. Then, to the amazement of all, she uttered the name Antoninus eight times. 2 All interpreted this to mean that Antoninus Pius would reign for eight years, but he exceeded this number and those who had faith in the priestess, either then or later, felt sure that her words had some different meaning. 3 And in fact, if all who bore the name Antoninus be counted, this will be found to be their number. 4 For Pius first, Marcus second, Verus third, Commodus fourth, Caracalla fifth, Geta sixth, Diadumenianus seventh, Elagabalus eighth — all bore the name Antoninus; 5 while the two Gordians, on the other hand, must not be placed among the Antonini, for they either had only their praenomen or were called Antonii, not Antonini. 11 6 Hence it came about that Severus called himself Antoninus, as most writers relate, and Pertinax too and Julianus, and likewise Macrinus;12 7 and the Antonines themselves, who were the true successors of Antoninus, used this name p55 rather than their own personal names. Thus some have related it. 8 Others, however, assert that Macrinus gave the name Antoninus to his son Diadumenianus merely for the purpose of removing the soldiers' suspicion that he himself had slain Antoninus. 9 Others, again, declare that so great was the love for this name that the people and soldiers would not deem a man worthy of the imperial power did they not hear him called by the name Antoninus.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 4 1 Now with regard to Macrinus himself, many of the senators, when the news had been brought that Varius Elagabalus was emperor,13 and when the senate had hailed Alexander as Caesar, related such things as to make it clear that he was ignoble, low, and base. 2 In fact, such statements14 as these were made by Aurelius Victor, surnamed Pinius:15 3 that Macrinus under the reign of Commodus was a freedman and a public prostitute, engaged in servile tasks about the imperial palace; that his honour could be purchased and his manner of life was base; that Severus had even dismissed him from his wretched duties and banished him to Africa, where, in order to conceal the disgrace of his condemnation, he devoted himself to reading, pleaded minor cases, engaged in declamation, and finally administered the law; 4 further, that through the support of his fellow-freedman Festus, he was presented with the golden ring,16 and under Verus Antoninus17 was made pleader for the privy-purse. 18 5 But not only are these statements reported as doubtful, but others are made by various authors, which also we will not fail to relate. For many have said that he fought in a gladiatorial p57 combat, received the honorary staff,19 and then went to Africa; 6 that he was first of all a huntsman in the arena, then a notary, and after that a pleader for the privy-purse — an office from which he was advanced to the very highest honours. 7 Then, when prefect of the guard, after his colleague was banished, he slew his emperor, Antoninus Caracalla,20 employing such treachery that it did not appear that the Emperor had been slain by him. 8 For by bribing the imperial equerry and holding out great hopes, he caused the report to spread that the Emperor was killed by a conspiracy of the soldiers, because he had incurred their displeasure through his fratricide or his incest. 21

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 5 1 Then he seized the imperial power at once and advanced his son Diadumenianus to a share in it, immediately ordering the soldiers, as we have said before, to give him the name Antoninus. 2 Next, he sent back Antoninus' body to Rome to be laid in the tomb of his forefathers. 22 3 He charged the prefect of the guard,23 formerly his colleague, to perform the duties of his office, and particularly to bury Antoninus with all honour, providing a funeral train worthy of a monarch; for he knew that Antoninus had been greatly beloved by the people because of the garments which he had presented as gifts to the plebs. 24 4 There was also the further reason, that he dreaded a soldiers' uprising, fearing that if this occurred he might be barred from the power, which he had purposed to seize but had accepted with a show of reluctance. Such, indeed, is the way of men, for they say that they are forced to accept what they get for themselves, even through crime. 5 Macrinus p59 moreover, feared also his colleague, lest he too might desire to rule; for all hoped that he would, and, had he received the support of a single company of soldiers, he himself would not have been unwilling. All, indeed, would most gladly have had him because of their hatred for Macrinus on account of his evil life or his humble origin, for all former emperors had been noble in birth. 6 Furthermore, he emblazoned himself with the name of Severus,25 although not connected with him by any tie of kin. 7 Hence arose the jest, "Macrinus is as much as a Severus as Diadumenianus is an Antoninus". Nevertheless, in order to prevent an uprising among the soldiers, he at once presented a donative26 to both the legionaries and the praetorians, rewarding them more liberally than was customary, and as a man would who sought to mitigate the crime of having slain the emperor. 8 Thus did money, as often happens, avail a man whom innocence could not have availed. For Macrinus kept himself in power for some time, though addicted to every kind of evil. 27

9 He then sent the senate a letter relating the death of Antoninus, in which he gave him the title of the Deified, at the same time clearing himself of guilt and swearing that he knew nothing of the murder. Thus to his crime (as is the manner of evil men) he added perjury — an act with which it well became a scoundrel to begin.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 6 1 It is of interest to know what manner of oration that was in which he cleared himself when writing to the senate, for thus his shamelessness may be understood, and the sacrilege with which this evil p61 emperor began his reign. 2 Passages from the speech of the Emperors Macrinus and Diadumenianus:28 "We could have wished, O Conscript Fathers, to behold Your Clemency, with our beloved Antoninus safe and riding back in triumph. For then indeed would the state be happy and all of us be joyous, were we under the rule of an emperor whom the gods had given us in the place of the Antonines. 3 But inasmuch as an uprising of the soldiers had prevented this from coming to pass, we would inform you, in the first place, of what the army has done concerning ourselves, 4 and, in the second, we decree for him to whom we swore our allegiance the honours of a god, as is indeed our first duty. For the army has deemed no one a more worthy avenger of the murder of Bassianus than his own prefect, whom he himself would certainly have charged with the punishing of the conspiracy, could it have been in his power to detect it while yet alive. " 5 And farther on: "They have offered me the imperial power, O Conscript Fathers, and for the time being I have accepted its guardianship, but I will retain its governance only if you also desire what has been the desire of the soldiers, to whom I have already ordered a donative to be given as well as all other things, according to the custom of emperors. " 6 Likewise, farther on: "To my son Diadumenianus, who is known to you, the soldiers have given both the imperial power and the name — for they have called him Antoninus — that he might be honoured, first with this name, but also with the office of monarch. 7 And this act we beseech you, O Conscript Fathers, to approve with all good and prospering auspices, in order that you may still have with you the name of the Antonines, which p63 you so greatly love. " 8 Likewise, farther on: "For Antoninus,29 moreover, both the soldiers have decreed divine honours and we decree them, and we request you — though by our power as emperor we might command you — to decree them also, and we ourselves shall dedicate to him statues, two on horseback, two on foot clad in the garb of a soldier, and two seated clad in civil garb, and likewise to the Deified Severus two, clad in the robes of a triumphant general. 9 These measures, O Conscript Fathers, you will order to be carried out in accordance with our dutiful solicitation in behalf of our predecessors. "

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 7 1 So, when this letter had been read to the senate, contrary to the general expectation the senate not only received with pleasure the news of Antoninus' death30 but expressed the hope that Opellius Macrinus would be guardian of the public liberty, first of all enrolling him among the patricians, though he was a man without ancestry31 and had been only a short time before the steward of the emperor's private property. 32 2 This man, though he had been merely one of the pontifical clerks (whom they now call the Minor Pontifices),33 the senate made Pontifex Maximus,34 decreeing him also the surname Pius. 35 3 Nevertheless, for a long time after the letter was read there was silence, for no one at all believed the news of Antoninus' death. 4 But when it was certain that he was slain, the senate reviled him as a tyrant, and forthwith offered Macrinus both the proconsular command and the tribunician power. 36

p65 5 Now to his son, previously called Diadumenianus, he gave the name Antoninus (after he had himself assumed the appellation Felix)37 in order to avert the suspicion of having slain Antoninus. 6 This same name was afterwards taken by Varius Elagabalus also,38 who claimed to be the son of Bassianus, a most filthy creature and the son of a harlot. 39 7 Indeed, there are still in existence some verses written by a certain poet, which relate how the name of the Antonines, which began with Pius, gradually sank from one Antonine to another to the lowest degradation; for Marcus alone by his manner of life exalted that holy name, while Verus lowered, and Commodus even profaned the reverence due to the consecrated name. 8 And what can we say of Caracalla Antoninus, and who of this youth Diadumenianus? And finally, what of Elagabalus, the last of the Antonines, who is said to have lived in the lowest depths of foulness?

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 8 1 And so, having been acclaimed emperor, Macrinus assumed the imperial power and set out against the Parthians with a great array,40 eager to blot out the lowliness of his family and the infamy of his early life by a magnificent victory. 2 But after fighting a battle with the Parthians he was killed in a revolt of the legions, which had deserted to Varius Elagabalus. 41 He reigned, however, for more than a year.

3 Though defeated in the war which Antoninus had waged — for Artabanus exacted a cruel revenge for the death of his subjects — Macrinus, nevertheless, at first fought stoutly. But later he sent out envoys and sued for peace, which, now that Antoninus was p67 slain, the Parthian granted readily. 42 4 Thereupon he proceeded to Antioch and gave himself over to luxury and thus furnished the army just grounds for putting him to death and taking up the cause of the supposed son of Bassianus, Elagabalus Bassianus Varius, afterwards called both Bassianus and Antoninus. 43

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 9 1 Now there was a certain woman of the city of Emesa,44 called Maesa45 or Varia; she was the sister of Julia, the wife of Severus Pertinax the African,46 and after the death of Antoninus Bassianus she had been expelled from her home in the palace through the arrogance of Macrinus — though Macrinus did grant to her all her possessions which she had gathered together during a long period. 2 This woman had two daughters, Symiamira47 and Mamaea,48 the elder of whom was the mother of Elagabalus; he assumed the names Bassianus and Antoninus, for the Phoenicians give the name Elagabalus to the Sun. 49 3 Elagabalus, moreover, was notable for his beauty and staturea and for the priesthood which he held, and he was well known to all frequented the temple, and particularly to the soldiers. 4 To these, Maesa, or Varia as she was also called, declared that this Bassianus was the son of Antoninus, and this was p69 gradually made known to all the soldiers. 50 5 Maesa herself, furthermore, was very rich (whence also Elagabalus was most wasteful of money), and through her promises to the soldiers the legions were persuaded to desert Macrinus. 6 For after she and her household had been received into the town51 by night, her grandson was hailed as Antoninus and presented with the imperial insignia.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 10 1 When the news of this was brought to Macrinus, then encamped near Antioch, marvelling at the audacity of the women and at the same time regarding them with contempt, he sent Julianus the prefect52 with the legions to lay siege to them. 2 But when Antoninus was shown to these troops, all turned to him in wonderful affection, and, killing Julianus the prefect, they all went over to him. 3 Then, having a part of the army on his side, Antoninus marched against Macrinus, who was hastening to meet him. A battle was then fought,53 in which, as a result of the soldiers' treachery to him and their love for Antoninus, Macrinus was defeated. He did, indeed, escape from the battle together with his son and a few others, but he and Diadumenianus were afterwards slain in a certain village of Bithynia,54 and his head was cut off and carried to Antoninus.

4 It should be recorded, furthermore, that the boy Diadumenianus is said to have been made merely Caesar and not Augustus,55 for many have related p71 that he had equal power with his father. 5 The son also was slain, having gotten from his power only this — that he should be killed by the soldiery. 6 For in his life there will be found nothing worthy of being related, save that he was annexed, as a sort of bastard, to the name of the Antonines.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 11 1 Macrinus, in his life as emperor, was, in spite of all, rather rigid and stern, thinking that so he could bury in oblivion all his previous career, though in fact this very sternness of his presented an opportunity for criticising and attacking him. 2 For he wished to bear the names Severus and Pertinax,56 both of which seemed to him to connote harshness, and when the senate conferred on him the names Pius and Felix, he accepted the name of Felix but refused that of Pius. 57 3 This refusal, it seems, was the cause of an epigram against him, written by a certain Greek poet and not without charm, which has been rendered into Latin in the following vein:

4 "Play-actor agèd and sordid, oppressive, cruel, and wicked,
Blest and unrighteous at once — that was the thing he would be.
Righteous he wished not to be, but yet would gladly be happy;
But this which nature denies, reason will not allow.
Righteous and blessèd together he might have appeared and been surnamed,
Unrighteous, unblessèd too, now and forever is he. "
5 These verses some Latin writer or other displayed in the Forum together with those which had been p73 published in Greek. On hearing them, Macrinus, it is said, replied in the following lines:

6 "Had but the Fates made the Grecian as wretched a poet as this one,
Latin composer of verse, gallows-bird aping a bard,
Naught had the populace learned and naught learned the senate; no huckster
Ever had tried to compose scurrilous verses on me. "
7 In these lines, which are much worse even than the other Latin verses, Macrinus believed that he had made adequate reply, but he became no less of a laughing-stock than the poet who tried to translate from the Greek into Latin.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 12 1 Macrinus, then, was arrogant and bloodthirsty and desirous of ruling in military fashion. He found fault even with the discipline of former times and lauded Severus alone above all others. 2 For he even crucified soldiers and always used the punishments meted out to slaves, and when he had to deal with a mutiny among the troops, he usually decimated the soldiers — but sometimes he only centimated them. This last was an expression of his own, for he used to say that he was merciful in putting to death only one in a hundred, whereas they deserved to have one in ten or one in twenty put to death. 3 It would be too long to relate all his acts of brutality, but nevertheless I will describe one, no great one in his belief, yet one which was more distressing than all his tyrannical cruelties. 4 There were some soldiers who had had intercourse with their host's maid-servant, who for some time had led a life of ill-repute. Learning of their offence through one of his spies,58 5 he p75 commanded them to be brought before him and questioned them as to whether it were really true. When their guilt was proved, he gave orders that two oxen of extraordinary size should be cut open rapidly while still alive, and that the soldiers should be thrust one into each, with their heads protruding so that they could talk to each other. In this way he inflicted punishment on them, though neither our ancestors nor the men of his own time ever ordained any such penalty, even for those guilty of adultery. 6 Yet in spite of all this, he warred against the Parthians,59 the Armenians,60 and the Arabs who are called the Blest,61 and with no less bravery than success.

7 A tribune who allowed a sentry-post to be left unguarded he caused to be bound under a wheeled waggon and then dragged living or dead all through the entire march. 8 He even reproduced the punishment inflicted by Mezentius,62 who used to bind live men to dead and thus force them to die consumed by slow decay. 9 Hence it came about that even in the Circus, when general applause broke forth in honour of Diadumenianus, some one cried out:

"Peerless in beauty the youth,"
"Not deserving to have as his father Mezentius. "63
10 He also put living men into walls, which he then built up. Those guilty of adultery he always burned alive, fastening their bodies together. A slave who had fled from his master and had been found he would sentence to a combat with the sword in the public games. 11 A public informer, if he could not make good his accusation, he would condemn to death; if he could make it good, he would present p77 him with his reward in money and send him away in disgrace.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 13 1 In the administration of the law he was not without wisdom, and he even determined to rescind all decisions of earlier emperors, in order that judgments might be rendered on the basis of the law and not of a decision; for he used to say that it would be a crime to give the force of law to the whims of Commodus and Caracalla and other untrained men, when Trajan had always refused to render decisions in response to petitions, in order that rulings which might seem to have been made out of favour might not be applied to other cases.

2 In bestowing largesses of grain he was most generous, while in gifts of money he was niggardly. 3 But in flogging his palace-attendants he was so unjust, so unreasonable, and so cruel, that his slaves used to call him Macellinus64 instead of Macrinus, because his palace was so stained with the blood of his household-servants that it looked like a shambles. 4 In his use of food and wine he was most gluttonous, sometimes even to the point of drunkenness, but only in the evening hours. For if he had breakfasted even in private with great simplicity, he would be most extravagant in his dinner. 5 He used to invite literary men to his banquets, as though he would perforce be more sparing in his diet if conversing about liberal studies.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 14 1 But when men thought of his old-fashioned niggardliness and saw the savagery of his ways, they could not bear that so malodorous a man should have the imperial power, and most of all the soldiers, who remembered many deeds of his that were most cruel and sometimes even most base. So, forming a plot, p79 they murdered him and his son,65 the boy Diadumenianus, surnamed Antoninus, of whom it was said that he was Antoninus only in his dreams — 2 a saying which gave rise to the following verses:

"This we beheld in our dreams, fellow-citizens, if I mistake not:
How that the Antonine name was borne by that immature stripling,
Sprung from a father corrupt, though virtuous truly his mother;
Lovers a hundred she knew and a hundred were those whom she courted. 66
Lover was also the bald-head, who later was known as her husband;
Pius indeed, aye Marcus indeed, for ne'er was he Verus. "67
3 These lines have been translated from Greek into Latin. In the Greek they are very well written, but they seem to me to have been translated by come commonplace poet. 4 When they were read to Macrinus he composed iambics, which have not been preserved but are said to have been most delightful. 5 They were, for that matter, destroyed in that same uprising in which he himself was slain, when all his possessions were overrun by the soldiers.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 15 1 The manner of his death, as we have previously related,68 was the following: After the army went over to Elagabalus Antoninus, Macrinus fled, but he was defeated and killed in a rural district of Bithynia,69 while his followers were partly forced to surrender, partly killed, and partly put to flight. 2 So Elagabalus achieved glory because he was thought to have avenged his father's death,70 and so established p81 himself on the throne, which he disgraced by his enormous vices, his extravagance, his baseness, his feasting, his arrogance, and his savagery. He, too, was fated to meet with an end corresponding to his life. 71

3 These are the facts we have learned concerning Macrinus, though many give different versions of certain details, according to the character of each man's history; 4 these we have gathered together from many sources and have presented to Your Serenity, Diocletian Augustus, because we have seen that you are desirous of learning about the emperors of former times.

The Life of Diadumenianus

1 1 [Legamen ad paginam Latinam] The life of the boy Antoninus Diadumenianus1 who, together with his father, Opellius Macrinus, was proclaimed emperor by the army2 when Bassianus had been slain through the treachery of Macrinus, contains nothing memorable, save that he received the name of Antoninus and that there befell him astonishing omens signifying that his reign would be but a short one — and so it really came to pass. 2 Now as soon as it became known among the legions that Bassianus was slain, great sorrow beset the hearts of all, for they thought, because they had not an Antoninus at the head of the state, that with Bassianus the Roman Empire would come to an end. 3 When word of this was brought to Macrinus, who by this time was emperor, he became afraid that the army would turn to some one of the Antonines, many of whom, being of the kin of Antoninus Pius, were among the leaders. 3 He therefore gave orders at once to compose an harangue, and then bestowed upon his son, this lad, the name Antoninus. 4 His harangue:4 "You behold me, Comrades, now advanced in years, and Diadumenianus still a lad, whom, if the p85 gods are gracious, you will have for many years as your prince. 5 Furthermore I perceive that there still remains among you a great yearning for the name of the Antonines. And so, since the nature of human weakness seems to leave me but a short space of life, with your sanction I bestow upon this lad the name Antoninus, and he for long years to come shall be in your eyes an Antoninus indeed. " 6 Outcries of the soldiers: "Macrinus, our Emperor, may the gods keep you! Antoninus Diadumenianus, may the gods keep you! 7 An Antoninus have we all for a long time desired. Jupiter, Greatest and Best, grant long life to Macrinus and to Antoninus. Thou knowest, O Jupiter, that no man can conquer Macrinus. Thou knowest, O Jupiter, that no man can conquer Antoninus. 8 An Antoninus we have, and in him we have all things; an Antoninus, indeed, have the gods granted to us. Worthy of his sire is Antoninus, aye worthy of the Empire too. " [Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 2 1 Macrinus the Emperor spoke: "Accept, therefore, Comrades, in return for the bestowal of the imperial power, three aurei for each one of you, and for the bestowal of the name Antoninus five aurei for each,5 together with the advancements prescribed by custom, but at this time doubled. The gods will grant that such gifts shall be often bestowed upon you, but we shall give you every five years what we have deemed right to give today. " 2 Thereupon the child himself, Diadumenianus Antoninus, the Emperor, spoke: "I bring you thanks, Comrades, because you have bestowed upon me both imperial office and name; and inasmuch as you have deemed us worthy, both my father and myself, to acclaim us Emperors of Rome and to commit the state to our keeping, 3 my father, for his part, will p87 take good care not to fail the Empire, and I, moreover, will strive earnestly, not to fail the name of the Antonines. For I know that it is the name of Pius and of Marcus and of Verus that I have taken, and to live according to the standard of these is difficult indeed. 4 Meanwhile, however, in return for the imperial office and in return for my name, I promise you all that my father has promised and as much as he has promised, doubling all advancements, even as my revered father Macrinus has promised here in your presence. " 5 Herodian, the Greek writer, omits these details and records only that Diadumenianus as a child received from the soldiers the title of Caesar and that he was slain along with his father. 6

6 Immediately after this harangue a coin was struck at Antioch bearing the name of Antoninus Diadumenianus, but coinage with the name of Macrinus was postponed until the senate should give command. 7 Moreover, despatches announcing the bestowal of the name Antoninus were sent to the senate. 7 In return, it is said, the senate readily acknowledged his rule — although some think they did so only out of hatred for Antoninus Caracalla. 8 8 Now Macrinus, as emperor, purposed in honour of his son Antoninus to present to the populace mantles of a reddish hue, to be called 'Antoninian' as Bassianus' Gallic mantles had been. 9 For it was more fitting, he said, that his son should be called Paenuleus or Paenularius,10 than that Bassianus should have been called Caracalla. 9 He also issued an edict, promising a largess11 in the name of Antoninus, as the edict itself will prove. p89 10 The text of the edict: "I would, Fellow-citizens, that we were now present in person; for then your Antoninus himself would give you a largess in his own name. He would, furthermore, enroll boys as Antoniniani and girls as Antoninianae,12 that they might extend the glory of so dear a name"; and so forth throughout.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 3 1 When he had done all in this fashion he gave orders that the standards in the Camp and the colours should be called Antonine and he had statues of Bassianus made of gold and of silver;13 and ceremonies of thanksgiving were celebrated for seven days in honour of the naming of Antoninus.

2 The boy himself was beautiful beyond all others, somewhat tall of stature, with golden hair, black eyes, and an aquiline nose; his chin was wholly lovely in its modelling, his mouth designed for a kiss, and he was by nature strong and by training graceful. 3 And when first he assumed the scarlet and purple garments and the other imperial insignia used in the camp, he was radiant as a being from the stars or a dweller in heaven, and he was beloved of all because of his beauty. This much there is to be said concerning the boy.

4 Now let us proceed to the omens predicting his imperial power — which are marvellous enough in the case of others, but in his case beyond the usual wont. [Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 4 1 On the day of his birth, his father, who then chanced to be steward of the greater treasury,14 was inspecting the purple robes, and those which he approved as being brighter in hue he ordered to be carried into a certain chamber, in which two hours later Diadumenianus was born. 2 Furthermore, whereas it usually happens that children at birth are p91 provided by nature with a caul, which the midwives seize and sell to credulous lawyers (for it is said that this bring luck to those who plead),15 3 this child, instead of a caul, had a narrow band like a diadem, so strong that it could not be broken, for the fibres were entwined in the manner of a bow-string. 4 The child, they say, was accordingly called Diadematus, but when he grew older, he was called Diadumenianus from the name of his mother's father, though the name differed little from his former appellation Diadematus. 5 Also they say that twelve purple sheep were born on his father's estate and of these only one had spots upon it. 6 And it is well known, besides, that on the very day of his birth an eagle brought to him generally a tiny royal ring-dove, and, after placing it in his cradle as he slept, flew away without doing him harm. Moreover, birds called pantagathi16 built a nest in his father's house. [Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 5 1 And about the time of his birth, the astrologers, on reading his horoscope, cried out that he was both the son of an emperor and an emperor too, just as though his mother had been seduced — as, indeed, public gossip maintained. 17 2 Moreover, when he was walking about in the open country, an eagle bore away his cap;18 and when the child's comrades shouted out, the bird set it upon the statue of a king on a royal monument near the farm-house in which his father then lived, fitting it close to the head. 3 This seemed portentous to many and a sign of an early death, but later events showed it to be a prediction of glory. 4 He was born, furthermore, on the birthday of Antoninus,19 at the same p93 hour as Antoninus Pius and with the stars in almost the same positions. Wherefore the astrologers said that he would be both the son of an emperor and an emperor himself, but not for long. 5 On the day of his birth, which was also the birthday of Antoninus, a certain woman, who lived near by, cried out, it is said, "Let him be called Antoninus". Macrinus, however, was afraid and refused the imperial name, both because none of his kin was called by this name and at the same time because rumours concerning the significance of his horoscope had already spread abroad.
6 These omens and others, too, occurred, or so numerous writers have related, but the following one is especially worthy of note. As Diadumenianus was lying in his cradle, some say, a lion broke its chains and dashed about savagely, but when it came to the cradle of the child it only licked him and left him unharmed; but when the nurse — the only person who chanced to be present in the open place in which the child was lying — threw herself at the lion, it seized her in its teeth and she perished.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 6 1 These are the details concerning Antoninus Diadumenianus which seem to be worthy of mention. His life, indeed, I should have combined with the achievements of his father, had not the name of the Antonines constrained me to publish a special discussion of the life of this boy. 2 And in fact the name of the Antonines was at that time so greatly beloved, that he who had not the prestige of this name did not seem to merit the imperial power. 3 Wherefore some also think that Severus and Pertinax and Julianus should be honoured with the praenomen Antoninus,20 and that later on the two Gordiani, p95 father and son, had Antoninus as a surname. 21 4 However, it is one thing to assume this as praenomen and another to take it as an actual name. 5 In the case of Pius, for instance, Antoninus was his actual name and Pius only a surname. Moreover, the true name of Marcus was Verissimus,22 but when this was set aside and annulled, Antoninus was conferred on him not as a praenomen but as his name. 6 So the original name of Verus was Commodus,23 but when this was annulled, he too was called Antoninus not as a praenomen but as a name. 7 Commodus, however, was given the name Antoninus by Marcus, and on the day of his birth he was so enrolled in the public records. 8 As for Caracalla Bassianus, it is well known that he was called Antoninus on account of a dream beheld by Severus, which revealed that an Antoninus with fore-ordained to be his successor,24 and that he was given the name in his thirteenth year, when, it is said, Severus conferred on him also the imperial power. 9 Geta, moreover, who, many aver, was not called Antoninus at all, was given the name, it is generally said, with the same intention as Bassianus — namely that he might succeed his father Severus;25 but this never came to pass. 10 After him, the name Antoninus was given to this very Diadumenianus, in order, it is generally said, that he might thereby find favour with the army, the senate, and the people of Rome, since there was a great yearning for Bassianus Caracalla.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 7 1 There is still in existence a letter written by Opellius Macrinus, father of Diadumenianus, in which he boasts, not so much that he attained to the imperial power, having previously held second place in the Empire,26 as that he had become the father of p97 one bearing the name Antoninus, than which no name was then more illustrious — no, not even that of the gods. 2 But before I insert this letter, I wish to include some verses directed at Commodus, who had taken the name of Hercules,27 in order that I may show to all that the name of the Antonines was so illustrious that it was not deemed suitable to add to it even the name of a god. 3 The verses directed against Commodus Antoninus are as follows:

Commodus wished to possess Hercules' name as his own;
That of the great Antonines did not seem noble enough.
Nothing of common law, nothing of ruling he knew,
Hoping indeed as a god greater renown to acquire
Than by remaining a prince called by an excellent name.
Neither a god will he be, nor for that matter a man.
4 These verses, written by an unknown Greek, some unskilful poet has rendered into Latin, and I have thought it right to insert them here for the purpose of showing to all that the Antonines were deemed greater than the gods as a result of the love felt for the three emperors, a love which has enshrined their wisdom, kindness, and righteousness — righteousness in the case of Pius, 5 kindness in the case of Verus, and wisdom in the case of Marcus. I will now return to the letter written by Opellius Macrinus:28

"Opellius Macrinus to his wife Nonia Celsa. The good fortune to which we have attained, my dear wife, is incalculable. Perhaps you may think I allude to the imperial power, but this is nothing p99 great and Fortune has bestowed it on even the undeserving. 6 No! I have become the father of an Antoninus; you have become the mother of an Antoninus. Blessed indeed are we, fortunate is our house, and noble the meed of praise now at length attained by this happy empire! 7 May the gods grant, and kindly Juno too, whom you revere, both that he may achieve the deserts of an Antoninus, and that I, who am now the father of an Antoninus, may be deemed worthy in the sight of all. " [Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 8 1 This letter indicates how much glory he thought he had gained from the fact that his son was called Antoninus.

2 Yet in spite of all, Diadumenianus was killed with his father in the fourteenth month of their reign,29 not, indeed, for any fault of his own, but because of his father's harsh and tyrannical rule. 3 Nevertheless, I find in many writers that he himself was cruel beyond his years, and this is shown by a letter which he sent to his father. 4 For when certain men had fallen under the suspicion of rebellion, Macrinus visited upon them the most cruel punishments in the absence, as it chanced, of his son; but when the latter learned that the instigators of the rebellion had indeed been put to death, but their accomplices, among whom were the military governor of Armenia30 and the governors of Asia and Arabia, had, on account of a long-standing friendship, been sent away unharmed, he addressed, it is said, the following letter to his father, sending an identical one to his mother also. A copy of this letter I think, for the sake of history, should be inserted:

5 "Augustus the son31 to Augustus the father. You do not seem, my dear father, to have kept close enough to your usual ways or to your affection for p101 me; for you have spared the lives of men engaged in a plot to seize the imperial power, either in the hope that if you spare them now they will prove more kindly disposed to you in the future, or else believing that because of an ancient friendship they ought to be sent away unharmed. This should not have been done, nor will it prove of any avail. 6 For, in the first place, they cannot love you now, rendered sore, as they are, by suspicion; in the second, those who have forgotten their ancient friendship and have joined your bitterest enemies will prove to be all the more cruel foes. Consider also the fact that they still have armies.

7 'Even should you yourself regard not the fame of such actions,
Think of the youthful Ascanius, the hopes of Iulus your scion;
Fated for him is Italy's realm and the land of the Romans. '32
8 These men must be executed, if you wish to live in safety, for, thanks to the evil ways of mankind, there will be no lack of other foes, if the lives of these be spared. " 9 This letter, attributed by some to Diadumenianus himself, by others to his teacher Caelianus,33 formerly a rhetorician in Africa, shows how cruel the young man would have been, had he lived.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 9 1 There is still in existence another letter, which he wrote to his mother, reading as follows:

"Our Lord and Emperor loves neither you nor himself, for he spares the life of his foes. See to it, then, that Arabianus, Tuscus, and Gellius34 be bound to the stake, lest if an opportunity arise, they may not let it slip. " 2 And, as Lollius Urbicus35 records p103 in his history of his own time, these letters, when made public by his secretary, are said to have done the boy much harm among the soldiers. 3 For after his father was slain many wished to spare him, but his chamberlain came forward and read these letters before an assembly of the troops.

4 And so, when both had been slain and their heads borne about on pikes, the army out of affection for his name went over to Marcus Aurelius Antoninus. 36 5 He was said to be the son of Bassianus Caracalla, but he was, in point of fact, a priest of the temple of Elagabalus and the filthiest of men, who through some decree of Fate was to bring disgrace upon the Roman Empire. 6 But the details concerning him, for there are many, I will relate in their own proper place.

The Life of Elagabalus
Part 1

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 1 1 The life of Elagabalus Antoninus, also called Varius,1 I should never have put in writing — hoping that it might not be known that he was emperor of the Romans —, were it not that before him this same imperial office had had a Caligula, a Nero, and a Vitellius. 2 But, just as the selfsame earth bears not only poisons but also grain and other helpful things, not only serpents but flocks as well, so the thoughtful reader may find himself some consolation for these monstrous tyrants by reading of Augustus, Trajan, Vespasian, Hadrian, Pius, Titus, and Marcus. 3 º At the same time he will learn of the Romans' discernment, in that these last ruled long and died by natural deaths, whereas the former were murdered, dragged through the streets, officially called tyrants, and no man wishes to mention even their names.

p107 4 Now when Macrinus had been slain and also his son Diadumenianus,2 who had been given an equal share of the power and also the name Antoninus, the imperial office was bestowed upon Varius Elagabalus, solely because he was reputed to be the son of Bassianus. 5 As a matter of fact, he was the priest of Elagabalus (sometimes called Jupiter, or the Sun),3 and had merely assumed the name Antoninus in order to prove his descent or else because he had learned that this name was so dear to mankind that for its sake even the parricide Bassianus had been greatly beloved. 6 Originally, he had the name Varius, but later he was called Elagabalus because he was priest of this god — whom he afterwards brought with him from Syria to Rome, founding a temple for him on the site of an earlier shrine of Orcus. 4 7 Finally, when he received the imperial power, he took the name Antoninus and was the last of the Antonines to rule the Roman Empire.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 2 1 He was wholly under the control of his mother Symiamira,5 so much so, in fact, that he did no public business without her consent,6 although she lived like a harlot and practised all manner of lewdness in the palace. For that matter, her amour with Antoninus Caracalla was so notorious that Varius, or rather Elagabalus, was commonly supposed to be his son. p109 2 The name Varius, some say, was given him by his school-fellows because he seemed to be sprung from the seed of "various" men, as would be the case with the son of a harlot. 7 3 And then, when his reputed father Antoninus was slain by Macrinus' treachery, he sought refuge in the temple of Elagabalus the god, as in a sanctuary, for fear that Macrinus would kill him; for Macrinus and his wasteful and brutal son were wielding the imperial power with the greatest cruelty. 8 4 But enough concerning his name — though he defiled this venerated name of the Antonines, which you, Most Sacred Constantine, so revere that you have had portrayed in gold both Marcus and Pius together with the Constantii and the Claudii, as though they too were your ancestors, just as you have adopted the virtues of the ancients which are naturally suited to your own character, and pleasing and dear to you as well.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 3 1 But now let us return to Varius Antoninus. After obtaining the imperial power he despatched couriers to Rome,9 and there all classes were filled with enthusiasm, and a great desire for him was aroused in the whole people merely at the mention of the name Antoninus, now restored, as it seemed, not in an empty title (as it had been in the case of Diadumenianus),10 but actually in one of the blood — for he had signed himself son of Antoninus Bassianus. 11 2 He had the prestige, furthermore, which usually comes to a new ruler who has succeeded a tyrant; this is permanent only when the highest virtues p111 are present and has been lost by many a mediocre emperor.

3 In short, when Elagabalus' message was read in the senate, at once good wishes were uttered for Antoninus and curses on Macrinus and his son,12 and, in accordance with the general wish and the eager belief of all in his paternity, Antoninus was hailed as emperor. Such are the pious hopes of men, who are quick to believe when they wish the thing to come true which their hearts desire.

4 As soon as he entered the city,13 however, neglecting all the affairs of the provinces, he established Elagabalus as a god on the Palatine Hill close to the imperial palace;14 and he built him a temple, to which he desired to transfer the emblem of the Great Mother, the fire of Vesta, the Palladium, the shields of the Salii, and all that the Romans held sacred, purposing that no god might be worshipped at Rome save only Elagabalus. 15 5 He declared, furthermore, that the religions of the Jews and the Samaritans and the rites of the Christians must also be transferred p113 to this place,16 in order that the priesthood of Elagabalus17 might include the mysteries of every form of worship.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 4 1 Then, when he held his first audience with the senate,18 he gave orders that his mother should be asked to come into the senate-chamber. 2 On her arrival she was invited to a place on the consuls' bench and there she took part in the drafting — that is to say, she witnessed the drawing up of the senate's decree. 19 And Elagabalus was the only one of all the emperors under whom a woman attended the senate like a man, just as though she belonged to the senatorial order. 20

3 He also established a senaculum,21 or women's senate, on the Quirinal Hill. Before his time, in fact, a congress of matrons had met here, but only on certain festivals, or whenever a matron was presented with the insignia of a "consular marriage" — bestowed by the early emperors on their kinswomen, particularly on those whose husbands were not nobles, in order that they might not lose their noble rank. 22 4 But now under the influence of Symiamira absurd decrees were enacted concerning rules to be applied to matrons, namely, what kind of clothing each might wear in public, who was to yield precedence and to whom, who was to advance to kiss another, who p115 might ride in a chariot, on a horse, on a pack-animal, or on an ass, who might drive in a carriage drawn by mules or in one drawn by oxen, who might be carried in a litter, and whether the litter might be made of leather, or of bone, or covered with ivory or with silver, and lastly, who might wear gold or jewels on her shoes.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 5 1 After he had spent the winter in Nicomedia, living in a depraved manner and indulging in unnatural vice with men,a the soldiers soon began to regret that they had conspired against Macrinus to make this man emperor, and they turned their thoughts toward his cousin Alexander,23 who on the murder of Macrinus had been hailed by the senate as Caesar. 2 For who could tolerate an emperor who indulged in unnatural lusts of every kind, when not even a beast of this sort would be tolerated? 3 And even at Rome he did nothing but send out agents to search for those who had particularly large organs and bring them to the palace in order that he might enjoy their vigour. 4 Moreover, he used to have the story of Paris played in his house, and he himself would take the rôle of Venus, and suddenly drop his clothing to the ground and fall naked on his knees, one hand on his breast, the other before his private parts, his buttocks projecting meanwhile and thrust back in front of his partner in depravity. 5 He would likewise model the expression of his face on that with which Venus is usually painted, and he had his whole body depilated,b deeming it the chief enjoyment of his life to appear fit and worthy to arouse the lusts of the greatest number.

p117 Legamen ad paginam Latinam 6 1 He took money for honours and distinctions and positions of power, selling them in person or through his slaves and those who served his lusts. 2 He made appointments to the senate without regard to age, property, or rank, and solely at the price of money, and he sold the positions of captain and tribune, legate and general, likewise procuratorships and posts in Palace. 24 3 The charioteers Protogenes25 and Cordius,26 originally his comrades in the chariot-race, he later made his associates in his daily life and actions. 4 Many whose personal appearance pleased him he took from the stage, the Circus, and the arena and brought to the palace. 5 And such was his passion for Hierocles27 that he kissed him in a place which it is indecent even to mention,c declaring that he was celebrating the festival of Flora. 28

6 He violated the chastity of a Vestal Virgin,29 and by removing the holy shrines he profaned the sacred rites of the Roman nation. 30 7 He also desired to extinguish the everlasting fire. In fact, it was his desire to abolish not only the religious ceremonies of the Romans but also those of the whole world, his one wish being that the god Elagabalus should be worshipped everywhere. He even broke into the sanctuary of Vesta, into which only Vestal Virgins and the priests may enter,31 though himself defiled by every moral stain and in the company of p119 those who had defiled themselves. 8 He also attempted to carry away the sacred shrine,32 but instead of the true one he seized only an earthenware one, which the Senior Vestal had shown him in an attempt to deceive him, and when he found nothing in it, he threw it down and broke it. The cult, however, did not suffer at his hands, for several shrines had been made, it is said, exactly like the true one, in order that none might ever be able to take this one away. 9 Though this be so, he nevertheless carried away the image which he believed to be the Palladium, and after washing it over with gold he placed it in the temple of his god.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 7 1 He also adopted the worship of the Great Mother33 and celebrated the rite of the taurobolium;34 and he carried off her image and the sacred objects which are kept hidden in a secret place. 2 He would toss his head to and fro among the castrated devotees of the goddess, and he infibulated himself, and did all that the eunuch-priests are wont to do;35 and the image of the goddess which he carried off he placed in the sanctuary of his god. 3 He also celebrated the rite of Salambo36 with all the wailing and the frenzy p121 of the Syrian cult — thereby foreshadowing his own impending doom. 4 In fact, he asserted that all gods were merely the servants of his god, calling some its chamberlains, others its slaves, and others its attendants for divers purposes. 5 And he planned to carry off from their respective temples the stones which are said to be divine, among them the emblem of Diana, from its holy place at Laodicea,37 where it had been dedicated by Orestes.

6 Now Orestes, they say, dedicated not merely one image of Diana in one place, but many and in many places. 7 And after he purified himself at the Three Rivers in the Hebrus region in obedience to a divine response, he founded the city of Oresta38 — a city destined to be often stained with human blood. 8 As for this city of Oresta, Hadrian, after he had begun to suffer from madness, ordered that it should be called after his own name — also acting in obedience to a divine response, for he had been told to steal into the house or into the name of some madman. 9 Thereupon, they say, he recovered from his madness, which had caused him to order the execution of many senators, all of whom, however, were saved by Antoninus; 10 for he won the surname of Pius by leading them into the senate after all supposed that they had been put to death by the Emperor's order. 39

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 8 1 Elagabalus also sacrificed human victims,40 and p123 for this purpose he collected from the whole of Italy children of noble birth and beautiful appearance, whose fathers and mothers were alive, intending, I suppose, that the sorrow, if suffered by two parents, should be all the greater. 2 º Finally, he kept about him every kind of magician and had them perform daily sacrifices, himself urging them on and giving thanks to the gods because he found them to be well-disposed to these men; and all the while he would examine the children's vitals and torture the victims after the manner of his own native rites.

3 When he entered upon his consulship he threw presents to the populace to be scrambled for, no mere pieces of silver and gold, indeed, or confectionery or little animals, but fatted cattle41 and camels and asses and slaves, declaring that this was an imperial custom.

4 He made a savage attack on the memory of Macrinus and a still more savage one on that of Diadumenianus because he had received the name Antoninus42 — he called him a Pseudo-Antoninus — and because it was asserted that from a veritable profligate he had become very brave and honourable and dignified and austere. 5 And he even forced certain writers to recount concerning his profligacy some details which were unspeakable, or, more properly, intolerable to relate, considering that this was in a biography of him. 43

6 He made a public bath in the imperial palace and at the same time threw open the bath of Plautinus44 to the populace, that by this means he might get a supply of men with unusually large organs. 7 He also p125 took care to have the whole city and the wharves searched for onobeli,45 as those were called who seemed particularly lusty.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 9 1 When he was making plans to take up the war against the Marcomanni, which Marcus Antoninus46 had fought with great glory, he was told by certain persons that it was by the help of astrologers and magicians that Marcus had made the Marcomanni forever the liegemen and friends of the Roman people, and that it had been done by means of magic rites and a dedication. But when he inquired what this was or where it could be obtained, he could get no response. 2 For it was generally reported that he inquired about this dedication solely for the purpose of destroying it, hoping thereby to bring on the war; for he had been told that there was a prophesy that the Marcomannic war should be ended by an Antoninus — whereas he was called Varius and Elagabalus and a public laughing-stock, and he was, moreover, a disgrace to the name Antoninus, on which he had laid violent hands. 3 This report, moreover, was spread by those most of all who were aggrieved that men well equipped for gratifying his lusts and of larger resources were opposed to themselves. And for this reason they even began to plot his death. So much for domestic affairs.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 10 1 As for the soldiers, they could not endure to have such a pest clothed with the name of emperor, and they all expressed their views, first one to another, then in groups, turning their thoughts to Alexander, who previously, at the time when Macrinus was p127 murdered, had been hailed by the senate as Caesar47 — he was the cousin of this Antoninus, for both were grandsons of Varia, from whom Elagabalus had the name Varius.

2 During his reign Zoticus48 had such influence that all the chiefs of the palace-departments treated him as their master's consort. 3 This same Zoticus, furthermore, was the kind to abuse such a degree of intimacy, for under false pretences49 he sold all Elagabalus' promises and favours, and so, as far as he could, he amassed enormous wealth. To some men he held out threats, and to others promises, lying to them all, and as he came out from the emperors's presence, he would go up to each and say, "In regard to you I said this," "in regard to you I was told that," and "in regard to you this action will be taken". 4 That is the way of men of this kind, for, once admitted to too close an intimacy with a ruler, they sell information concerning his intentions, whether he be good or bad, and so, through the stupidity or the innocence of an emperor who does not detect their intrigues, batten on the shameless hawking of rumours. 50 5 With this man Elagabalus went through a nuptial ceremony and consummated a marriage, even having a bridal-matron and exclaiming, "Go to work, Cook" — and this at a time when Zoticus was ill. 6 After that he would ask philosophers and even men of the greatest dignity whether they, in they youth, had ever experienced what he was experiencing, — all without the slightest p129 shame. 7 For indeed he never refrained from filthy conversation and would make indecent signs with his fingers and would show no regard for decency even in public gatherings or in the hearing of the people.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 11 1 He made his freedmen governors and legates, consuls and generals, and he brought disgrace on all offices of distinction by the appointment of base-born profligates. 51 2 On one occasion he invited the nobles of the court52 to a vintage-festival, and when he had seated himself by the baskets of grapes, he began to ask the most dignified of them one by one whether he were responsive to Venus, and when the old men would blush he would cry out, "He is blushing, it's all right," regarding their silence and blushes as a confession. 3 He then narrated his own doings without any cloak of shame. 4 But when he saw that the elders blushed and kept silent, because neither their age nor their dignity was in keeping with such topics, he turned to the young men and began to when them about all their experiences. 5 And when they told him what one would expect of their age, he began to be merry, declaring that a vintage celebrated in such a manner was truly bacchanalian. 6 Many relate, furthermore, that he was the first to devise the custom of having slaves make jibes at their masters' expense during a vintage-festival, even in the hearing of their masters, which jibes he had composed himself, most of them in Greek; several of these, indeed, are quoted by Marius Maximus in his Life of Elagabalus. 7 His courtiers, moreover, were men of p131 depraved life, some of them old men looking like philosophers, who would do up their hair in nets, declare that they were living a life of depravity, and boast that they had husbands. Some say, however, that they only made a pretence of this in order that by counterfeiting the Emperor's vices they might stand higher in his favour.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 12 1 As prefect of the guard he appointed a dancer53 who had been on the stage at Rome, as prefect of the watch a chariot-driver named Cordius,54 and as prefect of the grain-supply a barber named Claudius,55 2 and to the other posts of distinction he advanced men whose sole recommendation was the enormous size of their privates. As collector of the five-percent tax on inheritances56 he appointed a mule-driver, a courier, a cook, and a locksmith. 3 When he went to the Camp or the Senate-house he took with him his grandmother, Varia by name, whom I have previously mentioned,57 in order that through her prestige he might get greater respect — for by himself he got none. And never before his time, as I have already said, did a woman come into the Senate-chamber or receive an invitation to take part in the drafting of a decree and express her opinion in the debate. 4 At his banquets he preferred to have perverts placed next to him and took special delight in touching or fondling them, and whenever he drank one of them was usually selected to hand him the cup.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 13 1 Among the base actions of his life of depravity he gave orders that Alexander, whom he had p133 formally adopted, he removed from his presence,58 saying that he regretted the adoption. 2 Then he commanded the senate to take away from Alexander the name of Caesar. But when this was announced to the senate, there was a profound silence. For Alexander was an excellent youth, as was afterwards shown by the character of his rule, even though, because he was chaste, he was displeasing to his adoptive father — 3 he was also, as some declare, his cousin. Besides, he was loved by the soldiers and acceptable to the senate and the equestrian order. 59 4 Yet the Emperor's madness went the length of an attempt to carry out the basest design; for he despatched assassins to kill Alexander, and that in the following way: 5 Leaving his mother, grandmother, and cousin in the Palace, he himself withdrew to the Gardens of Spes Vetus60 on the ground that he was forming designs against some new youth, and there he issued an order to slay Alexander, a most excellent young man and one of whom the state had need. 6 He also sent a written order to the soldiers bidding them take away from Alexander the name of Caesar, 7 and he despatched men to smear mud on the inscriptions on his statues in the Camp,61 as is usually done to a tyrant. 8 He sent, furthermore, to Alexander's guardians, ordering them, if they hoped for rewards and distinctions, to kill him in any way they wished, either in his bath, or by poison, or with the sword. Legamen ad paginam Latinam 14 1 But evil men can accomplish nothing against the upright. For no power could induce any to commit so great a crime, p135 and the weapons which he was making ready for others were turned against himself, and it was by the same violent means that he was directing at others that he himself was put to death.

2 But immediately after the inscriptions on Alexander's statues were smeared with mud, all the soldiers were fired with anger, and they set out, some for the Palace and some for the gardens where Varius was, with the purpose of protecting Alexander and finally ridding the state of this filthy creature full of murderous intent. 3 And when they had come to the Palace they set a guard about Alexander and his mother and grandmother and then escorted them with the greatest care to the Camp; 4 Symiamira, Elagabalus' mother, followed them on foot, filled with anxiety about her son. 5 Then the soldiers went to the gardens, where they found Varius making preparations for a chariot-race and at the same time eagerly awaiting the news of his cousin's murder. 6 Alarmed by the sudden clatter of the soldiers, he crouched down in a corner and covered himself with the curtain which was at the door of the bed-chamber, 7 sending one of the prefects to the Camp to quiet the soldiers there and the other to placate those who had just entered the gardens. 8 Then Antiochianus,62 one of the prefects, reminded the soldiers who had come to the gardens of their oath of allegiance and finally persuaded them not to kill the Emperor — for, in fact, only a few had come and the majority had remained with the standard, which the tribune Aristomachus had kept back. So much for what happened in the gardens. Legamen ad paginam Latinam 15 1 In the Camp, on the other hand, the soldiers replied to the entreaties of the prefect that they would spare Elagabalus' life on the condition p137 that he would send away all his filthy creatures, his chariot-drivers, and his actors, and return to a decent mode of living, dismissing particularly those who, to the general sorrow, possessed the greatest influence over him and sold all his decisions, actual or pretended. 2 He did, finally, dismiss Hierocles, Cordius,63 and Mirissimus64 and two other base favourites who were making him even more of a fool than he was naturally. 3 The soldiers, furthermore, charged the prefects not to permit him to continue longer his present mode of living, and also to keep watch over Alexander that no violence might be done him, and at the same time to prevent the Caesar from seeing any of the friends of the Augustus, lest he imitate their baseness. 4 But Elagabalus with earnest entreaties kept demanding back Hierocles, that most shameless of men, and daily increased his plotting against Alexander. 5 Finally, on the Kalends of January, he refused to appear in public with his cousin65 — for they had been designated joint consuls. 6 At last, however, when he was told by his grandmother and mother that the soldiers were threatening that they would kill him unless they saw that harmony was established between himself and his cousin, he put on the bordered toga and at the sixth hour of the day entered the senate, inviting his grandmother to the session and escorting her to a seat. 7 But then he refused to proceed to the Capitolium to assume the vows for the state and conduct the usual ceremonies, and accordingly everything was done by the city-praetor, just as if there were no consuls there.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 16 1 Nevertheless he did not give up the murder of his cousin, but first, for fear that if he killed him the senate would only turn to some one else, he gave p139 orders that the senate should at once leave the city. Even all those senators who had no carriages or slaves were ordered to set out at once, some of them being carried by porters, others using animals that chance threw in their way or that they hired for money. 2 And because Sabinus,66 a man of consular rank, to whom Ulpian67 dedicated some of his books, remained in the city, the Emperor called a centurion and ordered him to kill him, speaking in a low tone. 3 But the centurion, who was rather deaf, thought that he was being ordered to eject Sabinus from the city and acted accordingly; and so a centurion's infirmity saved Sabinus' life. 4 He dismissed both Ulpian the jurist because he was a righteous man and Silvinus the rhetorician, whom he had appointed tutor to Alexander. Silvinus, in fact, was put to death, but Ulpian was spared.

5 The soldiers, however, and particularly the members of the guard, either because they knew what evils were in store for Elagabalus, or because they foresaw his hatred for themselves, formed a conspiracy to set the state free. First they attacked the accomplices in his plan of murdering Alexander, killing some by tearing out the vital organs and others by piercing the anus, so that their deaths were as evil as their lives. Legamen ad paginam Latinam 17 1 Next they fell upon Elagabalus himself and slew him in a latrine in which he had taken refuge. Then his body was dragged through the streets, and the soldiers further insulted it by thrusting it into a sewer. 2 But since the sewer chanced to be too small to admit the corpse, they attached a weight to it to keep it from floating, and hurled it p141 from the Aemilian Bridge68 into the Tiber, in order that it might never be buried. 3 The body was also dragged around the Circus before it was thrown into the Tiber.

4 His name, that is to say the name Antoninus, was erased from the public records by order of the senate69 — though the name Varius Elagabalus was left70 —, for he had used the name Antoninus without valid claim, wishing to be thought the son of Antoninus. 5 After his death he was dubbed the Tiberine,71 the Dragged, the Filthy, and many other such names, all of which were to signify what seemed to have been done during his rule. 6 And he was the only one of all the emperors whose body was dragged through the streets, thrust into a sewer, and hurled into the Tiber. 7 This befell him as a result of the general hatred of all, against which particularly emperors must be on their guard, since those who do not win the love of the senate, the people, and the soldiers do not win the right of burial.

8 No public works of his are in existence, save the temple of the god Elagabalus (called by some the Sun, by others Jupiter), the Amphitheatre72 as restored after its destruction by fire, and the public bath in the Vicus Sulpicius,73 begun by Antoninus, the son of Severus. 9 This bath, in fact, had been dedicated by Antoninus Caracalla, who bathed in it himself and opened it to the public, but the portico was left unbuilt, and this was added after his death by this spurious Antoninus, though actually completed by Alexander. 74

p143 Legamen ad paginam Latinam 18 1 He was the last of the Antonines (though many think that later the Gordians had the cognomen Antoninus, whereas they were really called Antonius and not Antoninus),75 a man so detestable for his life, his character, and his utter depravity that the senate expunged from the records even his name. 2 I myself should not have referred to him as Antoninus save for the sake of identification, which frequently makes it necessary to use even those names which officially have been abolished.

With him was also slain his mother Symiamira,76 a most depraved woman and one worthy of such a son. 3 And the first measure enacted after the death of Antoninus Elagabalus provided that no woman should ever enter the senate,77 and that whoever should cause a woman to enter, his life should be declared doomed and forfeited to the kingdom of the dead.

The Life of Elagabalus
Part 2

(For the beginning of chapter 18, see Part 1. )

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] (18) 4 Concerning his life many filthy anecdotes have been put into writing, but since they are not worthy of being recorded, I have thought I ought to relate only such deeds as illustrate his extravagance. 78 Some of these, it is said, were done before he ascended the throne, others after he was made emperor; for he himself declared that his models were Apicius79 among commoners and, among emperors, Otho and Vitellius. [Legamen ad paginam Latinam]19 For example, he was the first commoner to cover his couches with golden coverlets — for this was lawful then by authorization of Marcus Antoninus, who had sold at public auction all the imperial trappings. 80 2 Also, he gave summer-banquets in various colours, one day a green banquet, another day an iridescent one, and next in order a blue one, varying them continually every day of the summer. 3 Moreover, he was the first to use silver urns and casseroles, p145 and vessels of chased silver, •one hundred pounds in weight, some of them spoiled by the lewdest designs. 4 He was also the first to concoct wine seasoned with mastich and with pennyroyal and all such mixtures, which our present luxury retains. a 5 And rose-wine, of which he had learned from others, he used to make more fragrant by adding pulverized pine-cone. In fact, all these kinds of cups are not met with in books before the time of Elagabalus. 6 Indeed, for him life was nothing except a search after pleasures. He was the first to make force-meat of fish, or of oysters of various kinds or similar shell-fish, or of lobsters, crayfish and squills. 7 He used to strew roses and all manner of flowers, such as lilies, violets, hyacinths, and narcissus, over his banqueting-rooms, his couches and his porticoes, and then stroll about in them. 8 He would refuse to swim in a pool that was not perfumed with saffron or some other well-known essence. 9 And he could not rest easily on cushions that were not stuffed with rabbit-fur or feathers from under the wings of partridges, and he used, moreover, to change the pillows frequently.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 20 1 He often showed contempt for the senate, calling them slaves in togas, while he treated the Roman people as the tiller of a single farm and the equestrian order as nothing at all. 2 He frequently invited the city-prefect to a drinking-bout after a banquet and also summoned the prefects of the guard, sending a master of ceremonies, in case they declined, to compel them to come. 3 And he wished to create a city-prefect for each region of Rome, thus making fourteen for the city;81 and he p147 would have done it, too, had he lived, for he was always ready to promote men of the basest character and the lowest calling. b

4 He had couches made of solid silver for use in his banqueting-rooms and his bed-chambers. 5 In imitation of Apicius he frequently ate camels-heels and also cocks-combs taken from the living birds, and the tongues of peacocks and nightingales, because he was told that one who ate them was immune from the plague. 6 He served to the palace-attendants, moreover, huge platters heaped up with the viscera of mullets, and flamingo-brains, partridge-eggs, thrush-brains, and the heads of parrots, pheasants, and peacocks. 7 And the beards of the mullets that he ordered to be served were so large that they were brought on, in place of cress or parsley or pickled beans or fenugreek, in well filled bowls and disk-shaped platters — a particularly amazing performance.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 21 1 He fed his dogs on goose-livers. c Among his pets he had lions and leopards, which had been rendered harmless and trained by tamers, and these he would suddenly order during the dessert and the after-dessert to get up on the couches, thereby causing an amusing panic, for none knew that the beastsº were harmless. 82 2 He sent grapes from Apamea83 to his stables for his horses, and he fed parrots and pheasants to his lions and other wild animals. 3 For ten successive days, moreover, he served wild sows' udders with the matrices, at the rate of thirty a day, serving, besides, peas with gold-pieces, lentils with onyx, beans with amber, and rice with pearls; 4 and he also sprinkled pearls on fish and truffles in lieu of pepper.