No More Learning

_Tra_. I own it, I know it, acknowledge it--what
Can I say to you more?

_Ink_. I see what you'd be at:
You disparage my parts with insidious abuse,
Till you think you can turn them best to your own use. 110

_Tra_. And is that not a sign I respect them?

_Ink_. Why that
To be sure makes a difference.

_Tra_. I know what is what:
And you, who're a man of the gay world, no less
Than a poet of t'other, may easily guess
That I never could mean, by a word, to offend
A genius like you, and, moreover, my friend.

_Ink_. No doubt; you by this time should know what is due
To a man of----but come--let us shake hands.

_Tra_. You knew,
And you _know_, my dear fellow, how heartily I,
Whatever you publish, am ready to buy. 120

_Ink_. That's my bookseller's business; I care not for sale;
Indeed the best poems at first rather fail.
There were Renegade's epics, and Botherby's plays,[615]
And my own grand romance--

_Tra_. Had its full share of praise.
I myself saw it puffed in the "Old Girl's Review. "[616]

_Ink_. What Review?

_Tra_. Tis the English "Journal de Trevoux;"[617]
A clerical work of our Jesuits at home.
Have you never yet seen it?

_Ink_. That pleasure's to come.

_Tra_. Make haste then.

_Ink_. Why so?

_Tra_. I have heard people say
That it threatened to give up the _ghost_ t'other day. [618] 130

_Ink_. Well, that is a sign of some _spirit_.

_Tra_. No doubt.
Shall you be at the Countess of Fiddlecome's rout?

_Ink_. I've a card, and shall go: but at present, as soon
As friend Scamp shall be pleased to step down from the moon,
(Where he seems to be soaring in search of his wits),
And an interval grants from his lecturing fits,
I'm engaged to the Lady Bluebottle's collation,
To partake of a luncheon and learn'd conversation:
'Tis a sort of reunion for Scamp, on the days
Of his lecture, to treat him with cold tongue and praise. 140
And I own, for my own part, that 'tis not unpleasant.
Will you go? There's Miss Lilac will also be present.

_Tra_. That "metal's attractive. "

_Ink_. No doubt--to the pocket.

_Tra_. You should rather encourage my passion than shock it.
But let us proceed; for I think by the hum----

_Ink_. Very true; let us go, then, before they can come,
Or else we'll be kept here an hour at their levee,
On the rack of cross questions, by all the blue bevy.
Hark! Zounds, they'll be on us; I know by the drone
Of old Botherby's spouting ex-cathedra tone. [619] 150
Aye! there he is at it. Poor Scamp! better join
Your friends, or he'll pay you back in your own coin.

_Tra_. All fair; 'tis but lecture for lecture.

_Ink_. That's clear.
But for God's sake let's go, or the Bore will be here.
Come, come: nay, I'm off.
[_Exit_ INKEL.

_Tra_. You are right, and I'll follow;
'Tis high time for a "_Sic me servavit Apollo_. "[620]
And yet we shall have the whole crew on our kibes,[621]
Blues, dandies, and dowagers, and second-hand scribes,
All flocking to moisten their exquisite throttles
With a glass of Madeira[622] at Lady Bluebottle's. 160
[_Exit_ TRACY.




ECLOGUE THE SECOND.

_An Apartment in the House of_ LADY BLUEBOTTLE. --_A Table prepared. _

SIR RICHARD BLUEBOTTLE _solus_.

Was there ever a man who was married so sorry?
Like a fool, I must needs do the thing in a hurry.
My life is reversed, and my quiet destroyed;
My days, which once passed in so gentle a void,
Must now, every hour of the twelve, be employed;
The twelve, do I say? --of the whole twenty-four,
Is there one which I dare call my own any more?
What with driving and visiting, dancing and dining,
What with learning, and teaching, and scribbling, and shining,
In science and art, I'll be cursed if I know 10
Myself from my wife; for although we are two,
Yet she somehow contrives that all things shall be done
In a style which proclaims us eternally one.
But the thing of all things which distresses me more
Than the bills of the week (though they trouble me sore)
Is the numerous, humorous, backbiting crew
Of scribblers, wits, lecturers, white, black, and blue,
Who are brought to my house as an inn, to my cost--
For the bill here, it seems, is defrayed by the host--
No pleasure! no leisure! no thought for my pains, 20
But to hear a vile jargon which addles my brains;
A smatter and chatter, gleaned out of reviews,
By the rag, tag, and bobtail, of those they call "Blues;"
A rabble who know not----But soft, here they come!
Would to God I were deaf! as I'm not, I'll be dumb.

_Enter_ LADY BLUEBOTTLE, MISS LILAC, LADY BLUEMOUNT, MR. BOTHERBY,
INKEL, TRACY, MISS MAZARINE, _and others, with_ SCAMP _the Lecturer,
etc. , etc. _

_Lady Blueb_.
Ah! Sir Richard, good morning: I've brought you some friends.

_Sir Rich_. (_bows, and afterwards aside_).
If friends, they're the first.

_Lady Blueb_. But the luncheon attends.
I pray ye be seated, "_sans ceremonie_. "
Mr. Scamp, you're fatigued; take your chair there, next me.
[_They all sit. _

_Sir Rich_. (_aside_). If he does, his fatigue is to come.

_Lady Blueb_. Mr. Tracy--
Lady Bluemount--Miss Lilac--be pleased, pray, to place ye; 31
And you, Mr. Botherby--

_Both_. Oh, my dear Lady,
I obey.

_Lady Blueb_. Mr. Inkel, I ought to upbraid ye:
You were not at the lecture.

_Ink_. Excuse me, I was;
But the heat forced me out in the best part--alas!
And when--

_Lady Blueb_. To be sure it was broiling; but then
You have lost such a lecture!

_Both_. The best of the ten.

_Tra_. How can you know that? there are two more.

_Both_. Because
I defy him to beat this day's wondrous applause.
The very walls shook.

_Ink_. Oh, if that be the test, 40
I allow our friend Scamp has this day done his best.
Miss Lilac, permit me to help you;--a wing?

_Miss Lil_. No more, sir, I thank you. Who lectures next spring?

_Both_. Dick Dunder.

_Ink_. That is, if he lives.

_Miss Lil_. And why not?

_Ink_. No reason whatever, save that he's a sot.
Lady Bluemount! a glass of Madeira?

_Lady Bluem_. With pleasure.

_Ink_. How does your friend Wordswords, that Windermere treasure?
Does he stick to his lakes, like the leeches he sings,[623]
And their gatherers, as Homer sung warriors and kings?

_Lady Bluem_. He has just got a place. [624]

_Ink_. As a footman?

_Lady Bluem_. For shame!
Nor profane with your sneers so poetic a name. 51

_Ink_. Nay, I meant him no evil, but pitied his master;
For the poet of pedlers 'twere, sure, no disaster
To wear a new livery; the more, as 'tis not
The first time he has turned both his creed and his coat.

_Lady Bluem_. For shame! I repeat. If Sir George could but hear--

_Lady Blueb_. Never mind our friend Inkel; we all know, my dear,
'Tis his way.

_Sir Rich_. But this place--

_Ink_. Is perhaps like friend Scamp's,
A lecturer's.

_Lady Bluem_. Excuse me--'tis one in the "Stamps:"
He is made a collector.

_Tra_. Collector!

_Sir Rich_. How?

_Miss Lil_. What? 60

_Ink_. I shall think of him oft when I buy a new hat:
There his works will appear--

_Lady Bluem_. Sir, they reach to the Ganges.

_Ink_. I sha'n't go so far--I can have them at Grange's. [625]

_Lady Bluem_. Oh fie!

_Miss Lil_. And for shame!

_Lady Bluem_. You're too bad.

_Both_. Very good!

_Lady Bluem_. How good?

_Lady Blueb_. He means nought--'tis his phrase.

_Lady Bluem_. He grows rude.

_Lady Blueb_. He means nothing; nay, ask him.

_Lady Bluem_. Pray, Sir! did you mean
What you say?

_Ink_. Never mind if he did; 'twill be seen
That whatever he means won't alloy what he says.

_Both_. Sir!

_Ink_. Pray be content with your portion of praise;
'Twas in your defence.

_Both_. If you please, with submission 70
I can make out my own.

_Ink_. It would be your perdition.
While you live, my dear Botherby, never defend
Yourself or your works; but leave both to a friend.
Apropos--Is your play then accepted at last?

_Both_. At last?

_Ink_. Why I thought--that's to say--there had passed
A few green-room whispers, which hinted,--you know
That the taste of the actors at best is so so. [626]

_Both_. Sir, the green-room's in rapture, and so's the Committee.

_Ink_. Aye--yours are the plays for exciting our "pity
And fear," as the Greek says: for "purging the mind,"80
I doubt if you'll leave us an equal behind.

_Both_. I have written the prologue, and meant to have prayed
For a spice of your wit in an epilogue's aid.

_Ink_. Well, time enough yet, when the play's to be played.
Is it cast yet?

_Both_. The actors are fighting for parts,
As is usual in that most litigious of arts.

_Lady Blueb_. We'll all make a party, and go the _first_ night.

_Tra_. And you promised the epilogue, Inkel.

_Ink_. Not quite.
However, to save my friend Botherby trouble,
I'll do what I can, though my pains must be double. 90

_Tra_. Why so?

_Ink_. To do justice to what goes before.

_Both_. Sir, I'm happy to say, I've no fears on that score.
Your parts, Mr. Inkel, are----

_Ink_. Never mind _mine_;
Stick to those of your play, which is quite your own line.

_Lady Bluem_. You're a fugitive writer, I think, sir, of rhymes? [627]

_Ink_. Yes, ma'am; and a fugitive reader sometimes.
On Wordswords, for instance, I seldom alight,
Or on Mouthey, his friend, without taking to flight.

_Lady Bluem_. Sir, your taste is too common; but time and posterity
Will right these great men, and this age's severity 100
Become its reproach.

_Ink_. I've no sort of objection,
So I'm not of the party to take the infection.

_Lady Blueb_. Perhaps you have doubts that they ever will _take_?

_Ink_. Not at all; on the contrary, those of the lake
Have taken already, and still will continue
To take--what they can, from a groat to a guinea,
Of pension or place;--but the subject's a bore.

_Lady Bluem_. Well, sir, the time's coming.

_Ink_. Scamp! don't you feel sore?
What say you to this?

_Scamp_. They have merit, I own;
Though their system's absurdity keeps it unknown, 110

_Ink_. Then why not unearth it in one of your lectures?

_Scamp_. It is only time past which comes under my strictures.

_Lady Blueb_. Come, a truce with all tartness;--the joy of my heart
Is to see Nature's triumph o'er all that is art.
Wild Nature! --Grand Shakespeare!

_Both_. And down Aristotle!

_Lady Bluem_. Sir George[628] thinks exactly with Lady Bluebottle:
And my Lord Seventy-four,[629] who protects our dear Bard,
And who gave him his place, has the greatest regard
For the poet, who, singing of pedlers and asses,
Has found out the way to dispense with Parnassus. 120

_Tra_. And you, Scamp! --

_Scamp_. I needs must confess I'm embarrassed.

_Ink_. Don't call upon Scamp, who's already so harassed
With old _schools_, and new _schools_,
and no _schools_, and all _schools_[630].

_Tra_. Well, one thing is certain, that _some_ must be fools.
I should like to know who.

_Ink_. And I should not be sorry
To know who are _not_:--it would save us some worry.

_Lady Blueb_. A truce with remark, and let nothing control
This "feast of our reason, and flow of the soul. "
Oh! my dear Mr. Botherby! sympathise! --I
Now feel such a rapture, I'm ready to fly, 130
I feel so elastic--"_so buoyant--so buoyant! _"[631]

_Ink_. Tracy! open the window.

_Tra_. I wish her much joy on't.

_Both_. For God's sake, my Lady Bluebottle, check not
This gentle emotion, so seldom our lot
Upon earth. Give it way: 'tis an impulse which lifts
Our spirits from earth--the sublimest of gifts;
For which poor Prometheus was chained to his mountain:
'Tis the source of all sentiment--feeling's true fountain;
'Tis the Vision of Heaven upon Earth: 'tis the gas
Of the soul: 'tis the seizing of shades as they pass, 140
And making them substance: 'tis something divine:--

_Ink_. Shall I help you, my friend, to a little more wine?

_Both_. I thank you: not any more, sir, till I dine. [632]

_Ink_. Apropos--Do you dine with Sir Humphry to day?

_Tra_. I should think with _Duke_ Humphry[633] was more in your way.

_Ink_. It might be of yore; but we authors now look
To the Knight, as a landlord, much more than the Duke.
The truth is, each writer now quite at his ease is,
And (except with his publisher) dines where he pleases.
But 'tis now nearly five, and I must to the Park. 150

_Tra_. And I'll take a turn with you there till 'tis dark.
And you, Scamp--

_Scamp_. Excuse me! I must to my notes,
For my lecture next week.

_Ink_. He must mind whom he quotes
Out of "Elegant Extracts. "

_Lady Blueb_. Well, now we break up;
But remember Miss Diddle[634] invites us to sup.

_Ink_. Then at two hours past midnight we all meet again,
For the sciences, sandwiches, hock, and champagne!

_Tra_. And the sweet lobster salad! [635]

_Both_. I honour that meal;
For 'tis then that our feelings most genuinely--feel.

_Ink_. True; feeling is truest _then_, far beyond question:
I wish to the gods 'twas the same with digestion! 161

_Lady Blueb_. Pshaw! --never mind that; for one moment of feeling
Is worth--God knows what.

_Ink_. 'Tis at least worth concealing
For itself, or what follows--But here comes your carriage.

_Sir Rich_. (_aside_).
I wish all these people were d----d with _my_ marriage!
[_Exeunt. _


FOOTNOTES:

[609] {573}[Benjamin Stillingfleet is said to have attended evening
parties at Mrs. Montague's in grey or blue worsted stockings, in lieu of
full dress. The ladies who excused and tolerated this defiance of the
conventions were nicknamed "blues," or "blue-stockings. " Hannah More
describes such a club or coterie in her _Bas Bleu_, which was circulated
in MS. in 1784 (Boswell's _Life of Johnson_, 1848, p. 689). A farce by
Moore, entitled _The M. P. , or The Blue-Stocking_, was played for the
first time at the Lyceum, September 30, 1811. The heroine, "Lady Bab
Blue, is a pretender to poetry, chemistry, etc. "--Genest's _Hist. of the
Stage_, 1832, viii. 270. ]

[610] {574}[Compare the dialogue between Mr. Paperstamp, Mr.
Feathernest, Mr. Vamp, etc. , in Peacock's _Melincourt_, cap. xxxii. ,
_Works_, 1875, i. 272. ]

[611] [Compare--

"The last edition see by Long. and Co. ,
Rees, Hurst, and Orme, our fathers of the Row. "

_The Search after Happiness_, by Sir Walter Scott. ]



[612] [This phrase is said to have been first used in the _Edinburgh
Review_--probably by Jeffrey. (See review of _Rogers's Human Life_,
1818, _Edin. Rev. _, vol. 31, p. 325. )]

[613] {575}[It is possible that the description of Hazlitt's Lectures of
1818 is coloured by recollections of Coleridge's Lectures of 1811-1812,
which Byron attended (see letter to Harness, December 6, 1811,
_Letters_, 1898, ii. 76, note 1); but the substance of the attack is
probably derived from Gifford's review of _Lectures on the English
Poets, delivered at the Surrey Institution_ (_Quarterly Review_,
December, 1818, vol. xix. pp. 424-434. )]

[614] {576}["Yesterday, a very pretty letter from Annabella. . . . She is
. . . very little spoiled, which is strange in an heiress. . . . She is a
poetess--a mathematician--a metaphysician. "--_Journal_, November 30,
1813, _Letters_, 1898, ii. 357]

[615] {578}[The term "renegade" was applied to Southey by William Smith,
M. P. , in the House of Commons, March 14, 1817 (_vide ante_, p. 482).
Sotheby's plays, _Ivan_, _The Death of Darnley_, _Zamorin and Zama_,
were published under the title of _Five Tragedies_, in 1814. ]

[616] [Compare--

"I've bribed my Grandmother's Review the British. "

_Don Juan_, Canto I. stanza ccix. line 9.

And see "Letter to the Editor of 'My Grandmother's Review,'" _Letters_,
1900, iv. Appendix VII. pp. 465-470. The reference may be to a review of
the Fourth Canto of _Childe Harold_, which appeared in the _British
Review_, January, 1818, or to a more recent and, naturally, most hostile
notice of _Don Juan_ (No. xviii. 1819). ]

[617] [_The Journal de Trevoux_, published under the title of _Memoires
de Trevoux_ (1701-1775, 265 vols. 12? ), edited by members of the Society
of Jesus, was an imitation of the _Journal des Savants_. The original
matter, the Memoires, contain a mine of information for the student of
the history of French Literature; but the reviews, critical notices,
etc. , to which Byron refers, were of a highly polemical and partisan
character, and were the subject of attack on the part of Protestant and
free-thinking antagonists. In a letter to Moore, dated Ravenna, June 22,
1821, Byron says, "Now, if we were but together a little to combine our
_Journal of Trevoux_! " (_Letters_, 1901, v. 309). The use of the same
illustration in letter and poem is curious and noteworthy.