No More Learning

4 But when it was certain that he was slain, the senate reviled him as a tyrant, and forthwith offered Macrinus both the proconsular command and the tribunician power. 36

p65 5 Now to his son, previously called Diadumenianus, he gave the name Antoninus (after he had himself assumed the appellation Felix)37 in order to avert the suspicion of having slain Antoninus. 6 This same name was afterwards taken by Varius Elagabalus also,38 who claimed to be the son of Bassianus, a most filthy creature and the son of a harlot. 39 7 Indeed, there are still in existence some verses written by a certain poet, which relate how the name of the Antonines, which began with Pius, gradually sank from one Antonine to another to the lowest degradation; for Marcus alone by his manner of life exalted that holy name, while Verus lowered, and Commodus even profaned the reverence due to the consecrated name. 8 And what can we say of Caracalla Antoninus, and who of this youth Diadumenianus? And finally, what of Elagabalus, the last of the Antonines, who is said to have lived in the lowest depths of foulness?

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 8 1 And so, having been acclaimed emperor, Macrinus assumed the imperial power and set out against the Parthians with a great array,40 eager to blot out the lowliness of his family and the infamy of his early life by a magnificent victory. 2 But after fighting a battle with the Parthians he was killed in a revolt of the legions, which had deserted to Varius Elagabalus. 41 He reigned, however, for more than a year.

3 Though defeated in the war which Antoninus had waged — for Artabanus exacted a cruel revenge for the death of his subjects — Macrinus, nevertheless, at first fought stoutly. But later he sent out envoys and sued for peace, which, now that Antoninus was p67 slain, the Parthian granted readily. 42 4 Thereupon he proceeded to Antioch and gave himself over to luxury and thus furnished the army just grounds for putting him to death and taking up the cause of the supposed son of Bassianus, Elagabalus Bassianus Varius, afterwards called both Bassianus and Antoninus. 43

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 9 1 Now there was a certain woman of the city of Emesa,44 called Maesa45 or Varia; she was the sister of Julia, the wife of Severus Pertinax the African,46 and after the death of Antoninus Bassianus she had been expelled from her home in the palace through the arrogance of Macrinus — though Macrinus did grant to her all her possessions which she had gathered together during a long period. 2 This woman had two daughters, Symiamira47 and Mamaea,48 the elder of whom was the mother of Elagabalus; he assumed the names Bassianus and Antoninus, for the Phoenicians give the name Elagabalus to the Sun. 49 3 Elagabalus, moreover, was notable for his beauty and staturea and for the priesthood which he held, and he was well known to all frequented the temple, and particularly to the soldiers. 4 To these, Maesa, or Varia as she was also called, declared that this Bassianus was the son of Antoninus, and this was p69 gradually made known to all the soldiers. 50 5 Maesa herself, furthermore, was very rich (whence also Elagabalus was most wasteful of money), and through her promises to the soldiers the legions were persuaded to desert Macrinus. 6 For after she and her household had been received into the town51 by night, her grandson was hailed as Antoninus and presented with the imperial insignia.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 10 1 When the news of this was brought to Macrinus, then encamped near Antioch, marvelling at the audacity of the women and at the same time regarding them with contempt, he sent Julianus the prefect52 with the legions to lay siege to them. 2 But when Antoninus was shown to these troops, all turned to him in wonderful affection, and, killing Julianus the prefect, they all went over to him. 3 Then, having a part of the army on his side, Antoninus marched against Macrinus, who was hastening to meet him. A battle was then fought,53 in which, as a result of the soldiers' treachery to him and their love for Antoninus, Macrinus was defeated. He did, indeed, escape from the battle together with his son and a few others, but he and Diadumenianus were afterwards slain in a certain village of Bithynia,54 and his head was cut off and carried to Antoninus.

4 It should be recorded, furthermore, that the boy Diadumenianus is said to have been made merely Caesar and not Augustus,55 for many have related p71 that he had equal power with his father. 5 The son also was slain, having gotten from his power only this — that he should be killed by the soldiery. 6 For in his life there will be found nothing worthy of being related, save that he was annexed, as a sort of bastard, to the name of the Antonines.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 11 1 Macrinus, in his life as emperor, was, in spite of all, rather rigid and stern, thinking that so he could bury in oblivion all his previous career, though in fact this very sternness of his presented an opportunity for criticising and attacking him. 2 For he wished to bear the names Severus and Pertinax,56 both of which seemed to him to connote harshness, and when the senate conferred on him the names Pius and Felix, he accepted the name of Felix but refused that of Pius. 57 3 This refusal, it seems, was the cause of an epigram against him, written by a certain Greek poet and not without charm, which has been rendered into Latin in the following vein:

4 "Play-actor agèd and sordid, oppressive, cruel, and wicked,
Blest and unrighteous at once — that was the thing he would be.
Righteous he wished not to be, but yet would gladly be happy;
But this which nature denies, reason will not allow.
Righteous and blessèd together he might have appeared and been surnamed,
Unrighteous, unblessèd too, now and forever is he. "
5 These verses some Latin writer or other displayed in the Forum together with those which had been p73 published in Greek. On hearing them, Macrinus, it is said, replied in the following lines:

6 "Had but the Fates made the Grecian as wretched a poet as this one,
Latin composer of verse, gallows-bird aping a bard,
Naught had the populace learned and naught learned the senate; no huckster
Ever had tried to compose scurrilous verses on me. "
7 In these lines, which are much worse even than the other Latin verses, Macrinus believed that he had made adequate reply, but he became no less of a laughing-stock than the poet who tried to translate from the Greek into Latin.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 12 1 Macrinus, then, was arrogant and bloodthirsty and desirous of ruling in military fashion. He found fault even with the discipline of former times and lauded Severus alone above all others. 2 For he even crucified soldiers and always used the punishments meted out to slaves, and when he had to deal with a mutiny among the troops, he usually decimated the soldiers — but sometimes he only centimated them. This last was an expression of his own, for he used to say that he was merciful in putting to death only one in a hundred, whereas they deserved to have one in ten or one in twenty put to death. 3 It would be too long to relate all his acts of brutality, but nevertheless I will describe one, no great one in his belief, yet one which was more distressing than all his tyrannical cruelties. 4 There were some soldiers who had had intercourse with their host's maid-servant, who for some time had led a life of ill-repute. Learning of their offence through one of his spies,58 5 he p75 commanded them to be brought before him and questioned them as to whether it were really true. When their guilt was proved, he gave orders that two oxen of extraordinary size should be cut open rapidly while still alive, and that the soldiers should be thrust one into each, with their heads protruding so that they could talk to each other. In this way he inflicted punishment on them, though neither our ancestors nor the men of his own time ever ordained any such penalty, even for those guilty of adultery. 6 Yet in spite of all this, he warred against the Parthians,59 the Armenians,60 and the Arabs who are called the Blest,61 and with no less bravery than success.

7 A tribune who allowed a sentry-post to be left unguarded he caused to be bound under a wheeled waggon and then dragged living or dead all through the entire march. 8 He even reproduced the punishment inflicted by Mezentius,62 who used to bind live men to dead and thus force them to die consumed by slow decay. 9 Hence it came about that even in the Circus, when general applause broke forth in honour of Diadumenianus, some one cried out:

"Peerless in beauty the youth,"
"Not deserving to have as his father Mezentius. "63
10 He also put living men into walls, which he then built up. Those guilty of adultery he always burned alive, fastening their bodies together. A slave who had fled from his master and had been found he would sentence to a combat with the sword in the public games. 11 A public informer, if he could not make good his accusation, he would condemn to death; if he could make it good, he would present p77 him with his reward in money and send him away in disgrace.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 13 1 In the administration of the law he was not without wisdom, and he even determined to rescind all decisions of earlier emperors, in order that judgments might be rendered on the basis of the law and not of a decision; for he used to say that it would be a crime to give the force of law to the whims of Commodus and Caracalla and other untrained men, when Trajan had always refused to render decisions in response to petitions, in order that rulings which might seem to have been made out of favour might not be applied to other cases.

2 In bestowing largesses of grain he was most generous, while in gifts of money he was niggardly. 3 But in flogging his palace-attendants he was so unjust, so unreasonable, and so cruel, that his slaves used to call him Macellinus64 instead of Macrinus, because his palace was so stained with the blood of his household-servants that it looked like a shambles. 4 In his use of food and wine he was most gluttonous, sometimes even to the point of drunkenness, but only in the evening hours. For if he had breakfasted even in private with great simplicity, he would be most extravagant in his dinner. 5 He used to invite literary men to his banquets, as though he would perforce be more sparing in his diet if conversing about liberal studies.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 14 1 But when men thought of his old-fashioned niggardliness and saw the savagery of his ways, they could not bear that so malodorous a man should have the imperial power, and most of all the soldiers, who remembered many deeds of his that were most cruel and sometimes even most base. So, forming a plot, p79 they murdered him and his son,65 the boy Diadumenianus, surnamed Antoninus, of whom it was said that he was Antoninus only in his dreams — 2 a saying which gave rise to the following verses:

"This we beheld in our dreams, fellow-citizens, if I mistake not:
How that the Antonine name was borne by that immature stripling,
Sprung from a father corrupt, though virtuous truly his mother;
Lovers a hundred she knew and a hundred were those whom she courted. 66
Lover was also the bald-head, who later was known as her husband;
Pius indeed, aye Marcus indeed, for ne'er was he Verus. "67
3 These lines have been translated from Greek into Latin. In the Greek they are very well written, but they seem to me to have been translated by come commonplace poet. 4 When they were read to Macrinus he composed iambics, which have not been preserved but are said to have been most delightful. 5 They were, for that matter, destroyed in that same uprising in which he himself was slain, when all his possessions were overrun by the soldiers.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 15 1 The manner of his death, as we have previously related,68 was the following: After the army went over to Elagabalus Antoninus, Macrinus fled, but he was defeated and killed in a rural district of Bithynia,69 while his followers were partly forced to surrender, partly killed, and partly put to flight. 2 So Elagabalus achieved glory because he was thought to have avenged his father's death,70 and so established p81 himself on the throne, which he disgraced by his enormous vices, his extravagance, his baseness, his feasting, his arrogance, and his savagery. He, too, was fated to meet with an end corresponding to his life. 71

3 These are the facts we have learned concerning Macrinus, though many give different versions of certain details, according to the character of each man's history; 4 these we have gathered together from many sources and have presented to Your Serenity, Diocletian Augustus, because we have seen that you are desirous of learning about the emperors of former times.

The Life of Diadumenianus

1 1 [Legamen ad paginam Latinam] The life of the boy Antoninus Diadumenianus1 who, together with his father, Opellius Macrinus, was proclaimed emperor by the army2 when Bassianus had been slain through the treachery of Macrinus, contains nothing memorable, save that he received the name of Antoninus and that there befell him astonishing omens signifying that his reign would be but a short one — and so it really came to pass. 2 Now as soon as it became known among the legions that Bassianus was slain, great sorrow beset the hearts of all, for they thought, because they had not an Antoninus at the head of the state, that with Bassianus the Roman Empire would come to an end. 3 When word of this was brought to Macrinus, who by this time was emperor, he became afraid that the army would turn to some one of the Antonines, many of whom, being of the kin of Antoninus Pius, were among the leaders. 3 He therefore gave orders at once to compose an harangue, and then bestowed upon his son, this lad, the name Antoninus. 4 His harangue:4 "You behold me, Comrades, now advanced in years, and Diadumenianus still a lad, whom, if the p85 gods are gracious, you will have for many years as your prince. 5 Furthermore I perceive that there still remains among you a great yearning for the name of the Antonines. And so, since the nature of human weakness seems to leave me but a short space of life, with your sanction I bestow upon this lad the name Antoninus, and he for long years to come shall be in your eyes an Antoninus indeed. " 6 Outcries of the soldiers: "Macrinus, our Emperor, may the gods keep you! Antoninus Diadumenianus, may the gods keep you! 7 An Antoninus have we all for a long time desired. Jupiter, Greatest and Best, grant long life to Macrinus and to Antoninus. Thou knowest, O Jupiter, that no man can conquer Macrinus. Thou knowest, O Jupiter, that no man can conquer Antoninus. 8 An Antoninus we have, and in him we have all things; an Antoninus, indeed, have the gods granted to us. Worthy of his sire is Antoninus, aye worthy of the Empire too. " [Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 2 1 Macrinus the Emperor spoke: "Accept, therefore, Comrades, in return for the bestowal of the imperial power, three aurei for each one of you, and for the bestowal of the name Antoninus five aurei for each,5 together with the advancements prescribed by custom, but at this time doubled. The gods will grant that such gifts shall be often bestowed upon you, but we shall give you every five years what we have deemed right to give today. " 2 Thereupon the child himself, Diadumenianus Antoninus, the Emperor, spoke: "I bring you thanks, Comrades, because you have bestowed upon me both imperial office and name; and inasmuch as you have deemed us worthy, both my father and myself, to acclaim us Emperors of Rome and to commit the state to our keeping, 3 my father, for his part, will p87 take good care not to fail the Empire, and I, moreover, will strive earnestly, not to fail the name of the Antonines. For I know that it is the name of Pius and of Marcus and of Verus that I have taken, and to live according to the standard of these is difficult indeed. 4 Meanwhile, however, in return for the imperial office and in return for my name, I promise you all that my father has promised and as much as he has promised, doubling all advancements, even as my revered father Macrinus has promised here in your presence. " 5 Herodian, the Greek writer, omits these details and records only that Diadumenianus as a child received from the soldiers the title of Caesar and that he was slain along with his father. 6

6 Immediately after this harangue a coin was struck at Antioch bearing the name of Antoninus Diadumenianus, but coinage with the name of Macrinus was postponed until the senate should give command. 7 Moreover, despatches announcing the bestowal of the name Antoninus were sent to the senate. 7 In return, it is said, the senate readily acknowledged his rule — although some think they did so only out of hatred for Antoninus Caracalla. 8 8 Now Macrinus, as emperor, purposed in honour of his son Antoninus to present to the populace mantles of a reddish hue, to be called 'Antoninian' as Bassianus' Gallic mantles had been. 9 For it was more fitting, he said, that his son should be called Paenuleus or Paenularius,10 than that Bassianus should have been called Caracalla. 9 He also issued an edict, promising a largess11 in the name of Antoninus, as the edict itself will prove. p89 10 The text of the edict: "I would, Fellow-citizens, that we were now present in person; for then your Antoninus himself would give you a largess in his own name. He would, furthermore, enroll boys as Antoniniani and girls as Antoninianae,12 that they might extend the glory of so dear a name"; and so forth throughout.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 3 1 When he had done all in this fashion he gave orders that the standards in the Camp and the colours should be called Antonine and he had statues of Bassianus made of gold and of silver;13 and ceremonies of thanksgiving were celebrated for seven days in honour of the naming of Antoninus.

2 The boy himself was beautiful beyond all others, somewhat tall of stature, with golden hair, black eyes, and an aquiline nose; his chin was wholly lovely in its modelling, his mouth designed for a kiss, and he was by nature strong and by training graceful. 3 And when first he assumed the scarlet and purple garments and the other imperial insignia used in the camp, he was radiant as a being from the stars or a dweller in heaven, and he was beloved of all because of his beauty. This much there is to be said concerning the boy.

4 Now let us proceed to the omens predicting his imperial power — which are marvellous enough in the case of others, but in his case beyond the usual wont. [Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 4 1 On the day of his birth, his father, who then chanced to be steward of the greater treasury,14 was inspecting the purple robes, and those which he approved as being brighter in hue he ordered to be carried into a certain chamber, in which two hours later Diadumenianus was born. 2 Furthermore, whereas it usually happens that children at birth are p91 provided by nature with a caul, which the midwives seize and sell to credulous lawyers (for it is said that this bring luck to those who plead),15 3 this child, instead of a caul, had a narrow band like a diadem, so strong that it could not be broken, for the fibres were entwined in the manner of a bow-string. 4 The child, they say, was accordingly called Diadematus, but when he grew older, he was called Diadumenianus from the name of his mother's father, though the name differed little from his former appellation Diadematus. 5 Also they say that twelve purple sheep were born on his father's estate and of these only one had spots upon it. 6 And it is well known, besides, that on the very day of his birth an eagle brought to him generally a tiny royal ring-dove, and, after placing it in his cradle as he slept, flew away without doing him harm. Moreover, birds called pantagathi16 built a nest in his father's house. [Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 5 1 And about the time of his birth, the astrologers, on reading his horoscope, cried out that he was both the son of an emperor and an emperor too, just as though his mother had been seduced — as, indeed, public gossip maintained. 17 2 Moreover, when he was walking about in the open country, an eagle bore away his cap;18 and when the child's comrades shouted out, the bird set it upon the statue of a king on a royal monument near the farm-house in which his father then lived, fitting it close to the head. 3 This seemed portentous to many and a sign of an early death, but later events showed it to be a prediction of glory. 4 He was born, furthermore, on the birthday of Antoninus,19 at the same p93 hour as Antoninus Pius and with the stars in almost the same positions. Wherefore the astrologers said that he would be both the son of an emperor and an emperor himself, but not for long. 5 On the day of his birth, which was also the birthday of Antoninus, a certain woman, who lived near by, cried out, it is said, "Let him be called Antoninus". Macrinus, however, was afraid and refused the imperial name, both because none of his kin was called by this name and at the same time because rumours concerning the significance of his horoscope had already spread abroad. 6 These omens and others, too, occurred, or so numerous writers have related, but the following one is especially worthy of note. As Diadumenianus was lying in his cradle, some say, a lion broke its chains and dashed about savagely, but when it came to the cradle of the child it only licked him and left him unharmed; but when the nurse — the only person who chanced to be present in the open place in which the child was lying — threw herself at the lion, it seized her in its teeth and she perished.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 6 1 These are the details concerning Antoninus Diadumenianus which seem to be worthy of mention. His life, indeed, I should have combined with the achievements of his father, had not the name of the Antonines constrained me to publish a special discussion of the life of this boy. 2 And in fact the name of the Antonines was at that time so greatly beloved, that he who had not the prestige of this name did not seem to merit the imperial power. 3 Wherefore some also think that Severus and Pertinax and Julianus should be honoured with the praenomen Antoninus,20 and that later on the two Gordiani, p95 father and son, had Antoninus as a surname. 21 4 However, it is one thing to assume this as praenomen and another to take it as an actual name. 5 In the case of Pius, for instance, Antoninus was his actual name and Pius only a surname. Moreover, the true name of Marcus was Verissimus,22 but when this was set aside and annulled, Antoninus was conferred on him not as a praenomen but as his name. 6 So the original name of Verus was Commodus,23 but when this was annulled, he too was called Antoninus not as a praenomen but as a name. 7 Commodus, however, was given the name Antoninus by Marcus, and on the day of his birth he was so enrolled in the public records. 8 As for Caracalla Bassianus, it is well known that he was called Antoninus on account of a dream beheld by Severus, which revealed that an Antoninus with fore-ordained to be his successor,24 and that he was given the name in his thirteenth year, when, it is said, Severus conferred on him also the imperial power. 9 Geta, moreover, who, many aver, was not called Antoninus at all, was given the name, it is generally said, with the same intention as Bassianus — namely that he might succeed his father Severus;25 but this never came to pass. 10 After him, the name Antoninus was given to this very Diadumenianus, in order, it is generally said, that he might thereby find favour with the army, the senate, and the people of Rome, since there was a great yearning for Bassianus Caracalla.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 7 1 There is still in existence a letter written by Opellius Macrinus, father of Diadumenianus, in which he boasts, not so much that he attained to the imperial power, having previously held second place in the Empire,26 as that he had become the father of p97 one bearing the name Antoninus, than which no name was then more illustrious — no, not even that of the gods. 2 But before I insert this letter, I wish to include some verses directed at Commodus, who had taken the name of Hercules,27 in order that I may show to all that the name of the Antonines was so illustrious that it was not deemed suitable to add to it even the name of a god. 3 The verses directed against Commodus Antoninus are as follows:

Commodus wished to possess Hercules' name as his own;
That of the great Antonines did not seem noble enough.
Nothing of common law, nothing of ruling he knew,
Hoping indeed as a god greater renown to acquire
Than by remaining a prince called by an excellent name.
Neither a god will he be, nor for that matter a man.
4 These verses, written by an unknown Greek, some unskilful poet has rendered into Latin, and I have thought it right to insert them here for the purpose of showing to all that the Antonines were deemed greater than the gods as a result of the love felt for the three emperors, a love which has enshrined their wisdom, kindness, and righteousness — righteousness in the case of Pius, 5 kindness in the case of Verus, and wisdom in the case of Marcus. I will now return to the letter written by Opellius Macrinus:28

"Opellius Macrinus to his wife Nonia Celsa. The good fortune to which we have attained, my dear wife, is incalculable. Perhaps you may think I allude to the imperial power, but this is nothing p99 great and Fortune has bestowed it on even the undeserving. 6 No! I have become the father of an Antoninus; you have become the mother of an Antoninus. Blessed indeed are we, fortunate is our house, and noble the meed of praise now at length attained by this happy empire! 7 May the gods grant, and kindly Juno too, whom you revere, both that he may achieve the deserts of an Antoninus, and that I, who am now the father of an Antoninus, may be deemed worthy in the sight of all. " [Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 8 1 This letter indicates how much glory he thought he had gained from the fact that his son was called Antoninus.

2 Yet in spite of all, Diadumenianus was killed with his father in the fourteenth month of their reign,29 not, indeed, for any fault of his own, but because of his father's harsh and tyrannical rule. 3 Nevertheless, I find in many writers that he himself was cruel beyond his years, and this is shown by a letter which he sent to his father. 4 For when certain men had fallen under the suspicion of rebellion, Macrinus visited upon them the most cruel punishments in the absence, as it chanced, of his son; but when the latter learned that the instigators of the rebellion had indeed been put to death, but their accomplices, among whom were the military governor of Armenia30 and the governors of Asia and Arabia, had, on account of a long-standing friendship, been sent away unharmed, he addressed, it is said, the following letter to his father, sending an identical one to his mother also. A copy of this letter I think, for the sake of history, should be inserted:

5 "Augustus the son31 to Augustus the father. You do not seem, my dear father, to have kept close enough to your usual ways or to your affection for p101 me; for you have spared the lives of men engaged in a plot to seize the imperial power, either in the hope that if you spare them now they will prove more kindly disposed to you in the future, or else believing that because of an ancient friendship they ought to be sent away unharmed. This should not have been done, nor will it prove of any avail. 6 For, in the first place, they cannot love you now, rendered sore, as they are, by suspicion; in the second, those who have forgotten their ancient friendship and have joined your bitterest enemies will prove to be all the more cruel foes. Consider also the fact that they still have armies.

7 'Even should you yourself regard not the fame of such actions,
Think of the youthful Ascanius, the hopes of Iulus your scion;
Fated for him is Italy's realm and the land of the Romans. '32
8 These men must be executed, if you wish to live in safety, for, thanks to the evil ways of mankind, there will be no lack of other foes, if the lives of these be spared. " 9 This letter, attributed by some to Diadumenianus himself, by others to his teacher Caelianus,33 formerly a rhetorician in Africa, shows how cruel the young man would have been, had he lived.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 9 1 There is still in existence another letter, which he wrote to his mother, reading as follows:

"Our Lord and Emperor loves neither you nor himself, for he spares the life of his foes. See to it, then, that Arabianus, Tuscus, and Gellius34 be bound to the stake, lest if an opportunity arise, they may not let it slip. " 2 And, as Lollius Urbicus35 records p103 in his history of his own time, these letters, when made public by his secretary, are said to have done the boy much harm among the soldiers. 3 For after his father was slain many wished to spare him, but his chamberlain came forward and read these letters before an assembly of the troops.

4 And so, when both had been slain and their heads borne about on pikes, the army out of affection for his name went over to Marcus Aurelius Antoninus. 36 5 He was said to be the son of Bassianus Caracalla, but he was, in point of fact, a priest of the temple of Elagabalus and the filthiest of men, who through some decree of Fate was to bring disgrace upon the Roman Empire. 6 But the details concerning him, for there are many, I will relate in their own proper place.

The Life of Elagabalus
Part 1

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 1 1 The life of Elagabalus Antoninus, also called Varius,1 I should never have put in writing — hoping that it might not be known that he was emperor of the Romans —, were it not that before him this same imperial office had had a Caligula, a Nero, and a Vitellius. 2 But, just as the selfsame earth bears not only poisons but also grain and other helpful things, not only serpents but flocks as well, so the thoughtful reader may find himself some consolation for these monstrous tyrants by reading of Augustus, Trajan, Vespasian, Hadrian, Pius, Titus, and Marcus. 3 º At the same time he will learn of the Romans' discernment, in that these last ruled long and died by natural deaths, whereas the former were murdered, dragged through the streets, officially called tyrants, and no man wishes to mention even their names.

p107 4 Now when Macrinus had been slain and also his son Diadumenianus,2 who had been given an equal share of the power and also the name Antoninus, the imperial office was bestowed upon Varius Elagabalus, solely because he was reputed to be the son of Bassianus. 5 As a matter of fact, he was the priest of Elagabalus (sometimes called Jupiter, or the Sun),3 and had merely assumed the name Antoninus in order to prove his descent or else because he had learned that this name was so dear to mankind that for its sake even the parricide Bassianus had been greatly beloved. 6 Originally, he had the name Varius, but later he was called Elagabalus because he was priest of this god — whom he afterwards brought with him from Syria to Rome, founding a temple for him on the site of an earlier shrine of Orcus. 4 7 Finally, when he received the imperial power, he took the name Antoninus and was the last of the Antonines to rule the Roman Empire.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 2 1 He was wholly under the control of his mother Symiamira,5 so much so, in fact, that he did no public business without her consent,6 although she lived like a harlot and practised all manner of lewdness in the palace. For that matter, her amour with Antoninus Caracalla was so notorious that Varius, or rather Elagabalus, was commonly supposed to be his son. p109 2 The name Varius, some say, was given him by his school-fellows because he seemed to be sprung from the seed of "various" men, as would be the case with the son of a harlot. 7 3 And then, when his reputed father Antoninus was slain by Macrinus' treachery, he sought refuge in the temple of Elagabalus the god, as in a sanctuary, for fear that Macrinus would kill him; for Macrinus and his wasteful and brutal son were wielding the imperial power with the greatest cruelty. 8 4 But enough concerning his name — though he defiled this venerated name of the Antonines, which you, Most Sacred Constantine, so revere that you have had portrayed in gold both Marcus and Pius together with the Constantii and the Claudii, as though they too were your ancestors, just as you have adopted the virtues of the ancients which are naturally suited to your own character, and pleasing and dear to you as well.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 3 1 But now let us return to Varius Antoninus. After obtaining the imperial power he despatched couriers to Rome,9 and there all classes were filled with enthusiasm, and a great desire for him was aroused in the whole people merely at the mention of the name Antoninus, now restored, as it seemed, not in an empty title (as it had been in the case of Diadumenianus),10 but actually in one of the blood — for he had signed himself son of Antoninus Bassianus. 11 2 He had the prestige, furthermore, which usually comes to a new ruler who has succeeded a tyrant; this is permanent only when the highest virtues p111 are present and has been lost by many a mediocre emperor.

3 In short, when Elagabalus' message was read in the senate, at once good wishes were uttered for Antoninus and curses on Macrinus and his son,12 and, in accordance with the general wish and the eager belief of all in his paternity, Antoninus was hailed as emperor. Such are the pious hopes of men, who are quick to believe when they wish the thing to come true which their hearts desire.

4 As soon as he entered the city,13 however, neglecting all the affairs of the provinces, he established Elagabalus as a god on the Palatine Hill close to the imperial palace;14 and he built him a temple, to which he desired to transfer the emblem of the Great Mother, the fire of Vesta, the Palladium, the shields of the Salii, and all that the Romans held sacred, purposing that no god might be worshipped at Rome save only Elagabalus. 15 5 He declared, furthermore, that the religions of the Jews and the Samaritans and the rites of the Christians must also be transferred p113 to this place,16 in order that the priesthood of Elagabalus17 might include the mysteries of every form of worship.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 4 1 Then, when he held his first audience with the senate,18 he gave orders that his mother should be asked to come into the senate-chamber. 2 On her arrival she was invited to a place on the consuls' bench and there she took part in the drafting — that is to say, she witnessed the drawing up of the senate's decree. 19 And Elagabalus was the only one of all the emperors under whom a woman attended the senate like a man, just as though she belonged to the senatorial order. 20

3 He also established a senaculum,21 or women's senate, on the Quirinal Hill. Before his time, in fact, a congress of matrons had met here, but only on certain festivals, or whenever a matron was presented with the insignia of a "consular marriage" — bestowed by the early emperors on their kinswomen, particularly on those whose husbands were not nobles, in order that they might not lose their noble rank. 22 4 But now under the influence of Symiamira absurd decrees were enacted concerning rules to be applied to matrons, namely, what kind of clothing each might wear in public, who was to yield precedence and to whom, who was to advance to kiss another, who p115 might ride in a chariot, on a horse, on a pack-animal, or on an ass, who might drive in a carriage drawn by mules or in one drawn by oxen, who might be carried in a litter, and whether the litter might be made of leather, or of bone, or covered with ivory or with silver, and lastly, who might wear gold or jewels on her shoes.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 5 1 After he had spent the winter in Nicomedia, living in a depraved manner and indulging in unnatural vice with men,a the soldiers soon began to regret that they had conspired against Macrinus to make this man emperor, and they turned their thoughts toward his cousin Alexander,23 who on the murder of Macrinus had been hailed by the senate as Caesar. 2 For who could tolerate an emperor who indulged in unnatural lusts of every kind, when not even a beast of this sort would be tolerated? 3 And even at Rome he did nothing but send out agents to search for those who had particularly large organs and bring them to the palace in order that he might enjoy their vigour. 4 Moreover, he used to have the story of Paris played in his house, and he himself would take the rôle of Venus, and suddenly drop his clothing to the ground and fall naked on his knees, one hand on his breast, the other before his private parts, his buttocks projecting meanwhile and thrust back in front of his partner in depravity. 5 He would likewise model the expression of his face on that with which Venus is usually painted, and he had his whole body depilated,b deeming it the chief enjoyment of his life to appear fit and worthy to arouse the lusts of the greatest number.

p117 Legamen ad paginam Latinam 6 1 He took money for honours and distinctions and positions of power, selling them in person or through his slaves and those who served his lusts. 2 He made appointments to the senate without regard to age, property, or rank, and solely at the price of money, and he sold the positions of captain and tribune, legate and general, likewise procuratorships and posts in Palace. 24 3 The charioteers Protogenes25 and Cordius,26 originally his comrades in the chariot-race, he later made his associates in his daily life and actions. 4 Many whose personal appearance pleased him he took from the stage, the Circus, and the arena and brought to the palace. 5 And such was his passion for Hierocles27 that he kissed him in a place which it is indecent even to mention,c declaring that he was celebrating the festival of Flora. 28

6 He violated the chastity of a Vestal Virgin,29 and by removing the holy shrines he profaned the sacred rites of the Roman nation. 30 7 He also desired to extinguish the everlasting fire. In fact, it was his desire to abolish not only the religious ceremonies of the Romans but also those of the whole world, his one wish being that the god Elagabalus should be worshipped everywhere. He even broke into the sanctuary of Vesta, into which only Vestal Virgins and the priests may enter,31 though himself defiled by every moral stain and in the company of p119 those who had defiled themselves.
8 He also attempted to carry away the sacred shrine,32 but instead of the true one he seized only an earthenware one, which the Senior Vestal had shown him in an attempt to deceive him, and when he found nothing in it, he threw it down and broke it. The cult, however, did not suffer at his hands, for several shrines had been made, it is said, exactly like the true one, in order that none might ever be able to take this one away. 9 Though this be so, he nevertheless carried away the image which he believed to be the Palladium, and after washing it over with gold he placed it in the temple of his god.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 7 1 He also adopted the worship of the Great Mother33 and celebrated the rite of the taurobolium;34 and he carried off her image and the sacred objects which are kept hidden in a secret place. 2 He would toss his head to and fro among the castrated devotees of the goddess, and he infibulated himself, and did all that the eunuch-priests are wont to do;35 and the image of the goddess which he carried off he placed in the sanctuary of his god. 3 He also celebrated the rite of Salambo36 with all the wailing and the frenzy p121 of the Syrian cult — thereby foreshadowing his own impending doom. 4 In fact, he asserted that all gods were merely the servants of his god, calling some its chamberlains, others its slaves, and others its attendants for divers purposes. 5 And he planned to carry off from their respective temples the stones which are said to be divine, among them the emblem of Diana, from its holy place at Laodicea,37 where it had been dedicated by Orestes.

6 Now Orestes, they say, dedicated not merely one image of Diana in one place, but many and in many places. 7 And after he purified himself at the Three Rivers in the Hebrus region in obedience to a divine response, he founded the city of Oresta38 — a city destined to be often stained with human blood. 8 As for this city of Oresta, Hadrian, after he had begun to suffer from madness, ordered that it should be called after his own name — also acting in obedience to a divine response, for he had been told to steal into the house or into the name of some madman. 9 Thereupon, they say, he recovered from his madness, which had caused him to order the execution of many senators, all of whom, however, were saved by Antoninus; 10 for he won the surname of Pius by leading them into the senate after all supposed that they had been put to death by the Emperor's order. 39

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 8 1 Elagabalus also sacrificed human victims,40 and p123 for this purpose he collected from the whole of Italy children of noble birth and beautiful appearance, whose fathers and mothers were alive, intending, I suppose, that the sorrow, if suffered by two parents, should be all the greater. 2 º Finally, he kept about him every kind of magician and had them perform daily sacrifices, himself urging them on and giving thanks to the gods because he found them to be well-disposed to these men; and all the while he would examine the children's vitals and torture the victims after the manner of his own native rites.

3 When he entered upon his consulship he threw presents to the populace to be scrambled for, no mere pieces of silver and gold, indeed, or confectionery or little animals, but fatted cattle41 and camels and asses and slaves, declaring that this was an imperial custom.

4 He made a savage attack on the memory of Macrinus and a still more savage one on that of Diadumenianus because he had received the name Antoninus42 — he called him a Pseudo-Antoninus — and because it was asserted that from a veritable profligate he had become very brave and honourable and dignified and austere. 5 And he even forced certain writers to recount concerning his profligacy some details which were unspeakable, or, more properly, intolerable to relate, considering that this was in a biography of him. 43

6 He made a public bath in the imperial palace and at the same time threw open the bath of Plautinus44 to the populace, that by this means he might get a supply of men with unusually large organs. 7 He also p125 took care to have the whole city and the wharves searched for onobeli,45 as those were called who seemed particularly lusty.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 9 1 When he was making plans to take up the war against the Marcomanni, which Marcus Antoninus46 had fought with great glory, he was told by certain persons that it was by the help of astrologers and magicians that Marcus had made the Marcomanni forever the liegemen and friends of the Roman people, and that it had been done by means of magic rites and a dedication. But when he inquired what this was or where it could be obtained, he could get no response. 2 For it was generally reported that he inquired about this dedication solely for the purpose of destroying it, hoping thereby to bring on the war; for he had been told that there was a prophesy that the Marcomannic war should be ended by an Antoninus — whereas he was called Varius and Elagabalus and a public laughing-stock, and he was, moreover, a disgrace to the name Antoninus, on which he had laid violent hands. 3 This report, moreover, was spread by those most of all who were aggrieved that men well equipped for gratifying his lusts and of larger resources were opposed to themselves. And for this reason they even began to plot his death. So much for domestic affairs.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 10 1 As for the soldiers, they could not endure to have such a pest clothed with the name of emperor, and they all expressed their views, first one to another, then in groups, turning their thoughts to Alexander, who previously, at the time when Macrinus was p127 murdered, had been hailed by the senate as Caesar47 — he was the cousin of this Antoninus, for both were grandsons of Varia, from whom Elagabalus had the name Varius.

2 During his reign Zoticus48 had such influence that all the chiefs of the palace-departments treated him as their master's consort. 3 This same Zoticus, furthermore, was the kind to abuse such a degree of intimacy, for under false pretences49 he sold all Elagabalus' promises and favours, and so, as far as he could, he amassed enormous wealth. To some men he held out threats, and to others promises, lying to them all, and as he came out from the emperors's presence, he would go up to each and say, "In regard to you I said this," "in regard to you I was told that," and "in regard to you this action will be taken". 4 That is the way of men of this kind, for, once admitted to too close an intimacy with a ruler, they sell information concerning his intentions, whether he be good or bad, and so, through the stupidity or the innocence of an emperor who does not detect their intrigues, batten on the shameless hawking of rumours. 50 5 With this man Elagabalus went through a nuptial ceremony and consummated a marriage, even having a bridal-matron and exclaiming, "Go to work, Cook" — and this at a time when Zoticus was ill. 6 After that he would ask philosophers and even men of the greatest dignity whether they, in they youth, had ever experienced what he was experiencing, — all without the slightest p129 shame. 7 For indeed he never refrained from filthy conversation and would make indecent signs with his fingers and would show no regard for decency even in public gatherings or in the hearing of the people.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 11 1 He made his freedmen governors and legates, consuls and generals, and he brought disgrace on all offices of distinction by the appointment of base-born profligates. 51 2 On one occasion he invited the nobles of the court52 to a vintage-festival, and when he had seated himself by the baskets of grapes, he began to ask the most dignified of them one by one whether he were responsive to Venus, and when the old men would blush he would cry out, "He is blushing, it's all right," regarding their silence and blushes as a confession. 3 He then narrated his own doings without any cloak of shame. 4 But when he saw that the elders blushed and kept silent, because neither their age nor their dignity was in keeping with such topics, he turned to the young men and began to when them about all their experiences. 5 And when they told him what one would expect of their age, he began to be merry, declaring that a vintage celebrated in such a manner was truly bacchanalian. 6 Many relate, furthermore, that he was the first to devise the custom of having slaves make jibes at their masters' expense during a vintage-festival, even in the hearing of their masters, which jibes he had composed himself, most of them in Greek; several of these, indeed, are quoted by Marius Maximus in his Life of Elagabalus. 7 His courtiers, moreover, were men of p131 depraved life, some of them old men looking like philosophers, who would do up their hair in nets, declare that they were living a life of depravity, and boast that they had husbands. Some say, however, that they only made a pretence of this in order that by counterfeiting the Emperor's vices they might stand higher in his favour.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 12 1 As prefect of the guard he appointed a dancer53 who had been on the stage at Rome, as prefect of the watch a chariot-driver named Cordius,54 and as prefect of the grain-supply a barber named Claudius,55 2 and to the other posts of distinction he advanced men whose sole recommendation was the enormous size of their privates. As collector of the five-percent tax on inheritances56 he appointed a mule-driver, a courier, a cook, and a locksmith. 3 When he went to the Camp or the Senate-house he took with him his grandmother, Varia by name, whom I have previously mentioned,57 in order that through her prestige he might get greater respect — for by himself he got none. And never before his time, as I have already said, did a woman come into the Senate-chamber or receive an invitation to take part in the drafting of a decree and express her opinion in the debate. 4 At his banquets he preferred to have perverts placed next to him and took special delight in touching or fondling them, and whenever he drank one of them was usually selected to hand him the cup.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 13 1 Among the base actions of his life of depravity he gave orders that Alexander, whom he had p133 formally adopted, he removed from his presence,58 saying that he regretted the adoption. 2 Then he commanded the senate to take away from Alexander the name of Caesar. But when this was announced to the senate, there was a profound silence. For Alexander was an excellent youth, as was afterwards shown by the character of his rule, even though, because he was chaste, he was displeasing to his adoptive father — 3 he was also, as some declare, his cousin. Besides, he was loved by the soldiers and acceptable to the senate and the equestrian order. 59 4 Yet the Emperor's madness went the length of an attempt to carry out the basest design; for he despatched assassins to kill Alexander, and that in the following way: 5 Leaving his mother, grandmother, and cousin in the Palace, he himself withdrew to the Gardens of Spes Vetus60 on the ground that he was forming designs against some new youth, and there he issued an order to slay Alexander, a most excellent young man and one of whom the state had need. 6 He also sent a written order to the soldiers bidding them take away from Alexander the name of Caesar, 7 and he despatched men to smear mud on the inscriptions on his statues in the Camp,61 as is usually done to a tyrant. 8 He sent, furthermore, to Alexander's guardians, ordering them, if they hoped for rewards and distinctions, to kill him in any way they wished, either in his bath, or by poison, or with the sword. Legamen ad paginam Latinam 14 1 But evil men can accomplish nothing against the upright. For no power could induce any to commit so great a crime, p135 and the weapons which he was making ready for others were turned against himself, and it was by the same violent means that he was directing at others that he himself was put to death.

2 But immediately after the inscriptions on Alexander's statues were smeared with mud, all the soldiers were fired with anger, and they set out, some for the Palace and some for the gardens where Varius was, with the purpose of protecting Alexander and finally ridding the state of this filthy creature full of murderous intent. 3 And when they had come to the Palace they set a guard about Alexander and his mother and grandmother and then escorted them with the greatest care to the Camp; 4 Symiamira, Elagabalus' mother, followed them on foot, filled with anxiety about her son. 5 Then the soldiers went to the gardens, where they found Varius making preparations for a chariot-race and at the same time eagerly awaiting the news of his cousin's murder. 6 Alarmed by the sudden clatter of the soldiers, he crouched down in a corner and covered himself with the curtain which was at the door of the bed-chamber, 7 sending one of the prefects to the Camp to quiet the soldiers there and the other to placate those who had just entered the gardens. 8 Then Antiochianus,62 one of the prefects, reminded the soldiers who had come to the gardens of their oath of allegiance and finally persuaded them not to kill the Emperor — for, in fact, only a few had come and the majority had remained with the standard, which the tribune Aristomachus had kept back. So much for what happened in the gardens. Legamen ad paginam Latinam 15 1 In the Camp, on the other hand, the soldiers replied to the entreaties of the prefect that they would spare Elagabalus' life on the condition p137 that he would send away all his filthy creatures, his chariot-drivers, and his actors, and return to a decent mode of living, dismissing particularly those who, to the general sorrow, possessed the greatest influence over him and sold all his decisions, actual or pretended. 2 He did, finally, dismiss Hierocles, Cordius,63 and Mirissimus64 and two other base favourites who were making him even more of a fool than he was naturally. 3 The soldiers, furthermore, charged the prefects not to permit him to continue longer his present mode of living, and also to keep watch over Alexander that no violence might be done him, and at the same time to prevent the Caesar from seeing any of the friends of the Augustus, lest he imitate their baseness. 4 But Elagabalus with earnest entreaties kept demanding back Hierocles, that most shameless of men, and daily increased his plotting against Alexander. 5 Finally, on the Kalends of January, he refused to appear in public with his cousin65 — for they had been designated joint consuls. 6 At last, however, when he was told by his grandmother and mother that the soldiers were threatening that they would kill him unless they saw that harmony was established between himself and his cousin, he put on the bordered toga and at the sixth hour of the day entered the senate, inviting his grandmother to the session and escorting her to a seat. 7 But then he refused to proceed to the Capitolium to assume the vows for the state and conduct the usual ceremonies, and accordingly everything was done by the city-praetor, just as if there were no consuls there.

Legamen ad paginam Latinam 16 1 Nevertheless he did not give up the murder of his cousin, but first, for fear that if he killed him the senate would only turn to some one else, he gave p139 orders that the senate should at once leave the city. Even all those senators who had no carriages or slaves were ordered to set out at once, some of them being carried by porters, others using animals that chance threw in their way or that they hired for money. 2 And because Sabinus,66 a man of consular rank, to whom Ulpian67 dedicated some of his books, remained in the city, the Emperor called a centurion and ordered him to kill him, speaking in a low tone. 3 But the centurion, who was rather deaf, thought that he was being ordered to eject Sabinus from the city and acted accordingly; and so a centurion's infirmity saved Sabinus' life. 4 He dismissed both Ulpian the jurist because he was a righteous man and Silvinus the rhetorician, whom he had appointed tutor to Alexander. Silvinus, in fact, was put to death, but Ulpian was spared.

5 The soldiers, however, and particularly the members of the guard, either because they knew what evils were in store for Elagabalus, or because they foresaw his hatred for themselves, formed a conspiracy to set the state free. First they attacked the accomplices in his plan of murdering Alexander, killing some by tearing out the vital organs and others by piercing the anus, so that their deaths were as evil as their lives. Legamen ad paginam Latinam 17 1 Next they fell upon Elagabalus himself and slew him in a latrine in which he had taken refuge. Then his body was dragged through the streets, and the soldiers further insulted it by thrusting it into a sewer. 2 But since the sewer chanced to be too small to admit the corpse, they attached a weight to it to keep it from floating, and hurled it p141 from the Aemilian Bridge68 into the Tiber, in order that it might never be buried. 3 The body was also dragged around the Circus before it was thrown into the Tiber.

4 His name, that is to say the name Antoninus, was erased from the public records by order of the senate69 — though the name Varius Elagabalus was left70 —, for he had used the name Antoninus without valid claim, wishing to be thought the son of Antoninus. 5 After his death he was dubbed the Tiberine,71 the Dragged, the Filthy, and many other such names, all of which were to signify what seemed to have been done during his rule. 6 And he was the only one of all the emperors whose body was dragged through the streets, thrust into a sewer, and hurled into the Tiber. 7 This befell him as a result of the general hatred of all, against which particularly emperors must be on their guard, since those who do not win the love of the senate, the people, and the soldiers do not win the right of burial.

8 No public works of his are in existence, save the temple of the god Elagabalus (called by some the Sun, by others Jupiter), the Amphitheatre72 as restored after its destruction by fire, and the public bath in the Vicus Sulpicius,73 begun by Antoninus, the son of Severus. 9 This bath, in fact, had been dedicated by Antoninus Caracalla, who bathed in it himself and opened it to the public, but the portico was left unbuilt, and this was added after his death by this spurious Antoninus, though actually completed by Alexander. 74

p143 Legamen ad paginam Latinam 18 1 He was the last of the Antonines (though many think that later the Gordians had the cognomen Antoninus, whereas they were really called Antonius and not Antoninus),75 a man so detestable for his life, his character, and his utter depravity that the senate expunged from the records even his name. 2 I myself should not have referred to him as Antoninus save for the sake of identification, which frequently makes it necessary to use even those names which officially have been abolished.

With him was also slain his mother Symiamira,76 a most depraved woman and one worthy of such a son. 3 And the first measure enacted after the death of Antoninus Elagabalus provided that no woman should ever enter the senate,77 and that whoever should cause a woman to enter, his life should be declared doomed and forfeited to the kingdom of the dead.

The Life of Elagabalus
Part 2

(For the beginning of chapter 18, see Part 1. )

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] (18) 4 Concerning his life many filthy anecdotes have been put into writing, but since they are not worthy of being recorded, I have thought I ought to relate only such deeds as illustrate his extravagance. 78 Some of these, it is said, were done before he ascended the throne, others after he was made emperor; for he himself declared that his models were Apicius79 among commoners and, among emperors, Otho and Vitellius. [Legamen ad paginam Latinam]19 For example, he was the first commoner to cover his couches with golden coverlets — for this was lawful then by authorization of Marcus Antoninus, who had sold at public auction all the imperial trappings. 80 2 Also, he gave summer-banquets in various colours, one day a green banquet, another day an iridescent one, and next in order a blue one, varying them continually every day of the summer. 3 Moreover, he was the first to use silver urns and casseroles, p145 and vessels of chased silver, •one hundred pounds in weight, some of them spoiled by the lewdest designs. 4 He was also the first to concoct wine seasoned with mastich and with pennyroyal and all such mixtures, which our present luxury retains. a 5 And rose-wine, of which he had learned from others, he used to make more fragrant by adding pulverized pine-cone. In fact, all these kinds of cups are not met with in books before the time of Elagabalus. 6 Indeed, for him life was nothing except a search after pleasures. He was the first to make force-meat of fish, or of oysters of various kinds or similar shell-fish, or of lobsters, crayfish and squills. 7 He used to strew roses and all manner of flowers, such as lilies, violets, hyacinths, and narcissus, over his banqueting-rooms, his couches and his porticoes, and then stroll about in them. 8 He would refuse to swim in a pool that was not perfumed with saffron or some other well-known essence. 9 And he could not rest easily on cushions that were not stuffed with rabbit-fur or feathers from under the wings of partridges, and he used, moreover, to change the pillows frequently.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 20 1 He often showed contempt for the senate, calling them slaves in togas, while he treated the Roman people as the tiller of a single farm and the equestrian order as nothing at all. 2 He frequently invited the city-prefect to a drinking-bout after a banquet and also summoned the prefects of the guard, sending a master of ceremonies, in case they declined, to compel them to come. 3 And he wished to create a city-prefect for each region of Rome, thus making fourteen for the city;81 and he p147 would have done it, too, had he lived, for he was always ready to promote men of the basest character and the lowest calling. b

4 He had couches made of solid silver for use in his banqueting-rooms and his bed-chambers. 5 In imitation of Apicius he frequently ate camels-heels and also cocks-combs taken from the living birds, and the tongues of peacocks and nightingales, because he was told that one who ate them was immune from the plague. 6 He served to the palace-attendants, moreover, huge platters heaped up with the viscera of mullets, and flamingo-brains, partridge-eggs, thrush-brains, and the heads of parrots, pheasants, and peacocks. 7 And the beards of the mullets that he ordered to be served were so large that they were brought on, in place of cress or parsley or pickled beans or fenugreek, in well filled bowls and disk-shaped platters — a particularly amazing performance.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 21 1 He fed his dogs on goose-livers. c Among his pets he had lions and leopards, which had been rendered harmless and trained by tamers, and these he would suddenly order during the dessert and the after-dessert to get up on the couches, thereby causing an amusing panic, for none knew that the beastsº were harmless. 82 2 He sent grapes from Apamea83 to his stables for his horses, and he fed parrots and pheasants to his lions and other wild animals. 3 For ten successive days, moreover, he served wild sows' udders with the matrices, at the rate of thirty a day, serving, besides, peas with gold-pieces, lentils with onyx, beans with amber, and rice with pearls; 4 and he also sprinkled pearls on fish and truffles in lieu of pepper. 5 In a banqueting-room with a reversible ceiling he once overwhelmed his parasites with violets p149 and other flowers,84 so that some were actually smothered to death, being unable to crawl out to the top. d 6 He flavoured his swimming-pools and bath-tubs with essence of spices or of roses or wormwood. And once he invited the common mob to a drinking-bout, and himself drank with the populace, taking so much that on seeing what he alone consumed, people supposed he had been drinking from one of his swimming-pools. 7 As banquet-favours, he gave eunuchs, or four-horse chariots, or horses with saddles, or mules, or litters, or carriages, or a thousand aurei or a hundred pounds of silver. [Legamen ad paginam Latinam]22 At his banquets he would also distribute chances inscribed on spoons, the chance of one person reading "ten camels," of another "ten flies," of another "ten pounds of gold," of another "ten pounds of lead," of another "ten ostriches," of another "ten hens-eggs," so that they were chances indeed and men tried their luck. 2 These he also gave at his games, distributing chances for ten bears or ten dormice, ten lettuces or ten pounds of gold. Indeed he was the first to introduce this practice of giving chances, which we still maintain. e 3 And the performers too he invited to what really were chances, giving as prizes a dead dog or a pound of beef, or else a hundred aurei, or a hundred pieces of silver, or a hundred coppers,85 and so on. 4 All this so pleased the populace that after each occasion they rejoiced that he was emperor.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 23 1 He gave a naval spectacle, it is said, on the p151 Circus-canals,86 which had been filled with wine, and he sprinkled the people's cloaks with perfume made from the wild grape; also he drove a chariot drawn by four elephants on the Vatican Hill,87 destroying the tombs which obstructed the way, and he harnessed four camels to a chariot at a private spectacle in the Circus. 2 It is also said that he collected serpents with the aid of priests of the Marsic nation88 and suddenly let them loose before dawn, when the populace usually assembled for the more frequented games, and many people were injured by their fangs as well as in the general panic. 3 He would wear a tunic made wholly of cloth of gold, or one made of purple, or a Persian one studded with jewels, and at such times he would say that he felt oppressed by the weight of his pleasures. 4 He even wore jewels on his shoes, sometimes engraved ones — a practice which aroused the derision of all, as if, forsooth, the engraving of famous artists could be seen on jewels attached to his feet. 5 He wished to wear also a jewelled diadem in order that his beauty might be increased and his face look more like a woman's; and in his own house he did wear one. 6 He promised a phoenix to some guests, it is said, or in lieu of the bird a thousand pounds of gold, and this sum he handed out in the imperial residence. f 7 He constructed swimming-pools filled with sea-water in places especially far from the coast, and would hand them over to individual friends who swam in them, or at p153 another time he would fill one with fish. 8 One summer he made a mountain of snow in the pleasure-garden attached to his house, having snow carried there for the purpose. When on the sea-coast he never ate fish, but in places most remote from the sea he regularly served all manner of sea-food, and the country-folk in the interior he fed with the milt of lampreys and pikes.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 24 1 The fish that he ate were cooked in a bluish sauce that preserved their natural colour, as though they were still in the sea-water. He supplied swimming-pools that he used for the moment with essence of roses and with the flowers themselves, and when he bathed with all his courtiers he would furnish oil of nard for the hot-rooms; he also furnished balsam-oil for the lamps. 2 He never had intercourse with the same woman twice except with his wife, and he opened brothels in his house for his friends, his clients, and his slaves. 3 He never spent less on a banquet than one hundred thousand sesterces, that is, thirty pounds of silver;89 and sometimes he even spent as much as three million when all the cost was computed. In fact, he even outdid the banquets of Vitellius and Apicius. 90 4 He would take fish from his ponds by the ox-load, and then, as he passed through the market, bewail the public poverty. 5 He used to bind his parasites to a water-wheel and, by a turn of the wheel, plunge them into the water and then bring them back to the surface again, calling p155 them meanwhile river-Ixions. 6 He used Lacedaemonian stone91 and porphyry to pave the open spaces in the Palace, which he called Antonine; this pavement lasted down to within our own memory but was lately torn up and destroyed. 7 And he planned to erect a single column of enormous size, which could be ascended inside, and to place on its summit the god Elagabalus, but he could not find enough stone, even though he planned to bring it from the district of Thebes. 92

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 25 1 When his friends became drunk he would often shut them up, and suddenly during the night let in his lions and leopards and bears — all of them harmless — so that his friends on awakening at dawn, or worse, during the night, would find lions and leopards and bears in the room with themselves;93 and some even died from this cause. 2 Some of his humbler friends he would seat on air-pillows instead of on cushions and let out the air while they were dining, so that often the diners were suddenly found under the table. 3 Finally, he was the first to think of placing a semi-circular group on the ground instead of on couches, with the purpose of having the air-pillows loosened by slaves who stood at the feet of the guests and the air thus let out.

4 When adultery was represented on the stage, he would order what was usually done in pretence to be carried out in fact. 5 He often purchased harlots from all the procurers and then set them free. 6 Once during a private conversation the question arose as to how many ruptured people there were in the city of Rome, and he thereupon issued an order that all p157 should be noted and brought to his baths, and then he bathed with them, some of them being men of distinction. 7 Before a banquet he would frequently watch gladiatorial fights and boxing matches, and he had a couch spread for himself in an upper gallery and during luncheon exhibited criminals in a wild-beast hunt. 94 9 º His parasites would often be served during dessert with food made of wax or wood or ivory, sometimes of earthenware, or at times even of marble or stone; so that all that he ate himself would be served to them too, but different in substance and only to be looked at,95 and all the while they would merely drink with each course and wash their hands, just as if they had really eaten.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 26 1 He was the first of the Romans, it is said, who wore clothing wholly of silk,96 although garments partly of silk97 were in use before his time. Linen that had been washed he would never touch, saying that washed linen was worn only by beggars. 2 He would often appear in public after dinner dressed in a Dalmatian tunic,98 and then he would call himself Fabius Gurges99 or Scipio, because he was wearing the same kind of clothing which Fabius and Cornelius wore when in their youth they were brought out in public by their parents in order to improve their manners.

3 He gathered together in a public building all the harlots from the Circus, the theatre, the Stadium and p159 all other places of amusement, and from the public baths, and then delivered a speech to them, as one might to soldiers, calling them "comrades" and discoursing upon various kinds of postures and debaucheries. 4 Afterward he invited to a similar gathering procurers, catamites collected together from all sides, and lascivious boys and young men. 5 And whereas he had appeared before the harlots in a woman's costume and with protruding bosom, he met the catamites in the garb of a boy who is exposed for prostitution. After his speech he announced a largess of three aurei each, just as if they were soldiers, and asked them to pray the gods that they might find others to recommend to him.

6 He used, too, to play jokes on his slaves, even ordering them to bring him a thousand pounds of spiders-webs and offering them a prize; and he collected, it is said, ten thousand pounds, and then remarked that one could realize from that how great a city was Rome. g 7 He also used to send to his parasites jars of frogs, scorpions, snakes, and any other such reptiles, as their yearly allowance of provisions, 8 and he would shut up a vast number of flies in jars of this sort and call them tamed bees.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 27 1 He often brought four-horse chariots from the circus into his banqueting-rooms or porticoes while he lunched or dined, compelling his guests to drive, even though they were old men and some of them had held public office. 2 Even when emperor, he would give an order to bring in to him ten thousand mice, a thousand weasels, or a thousand shrew-mice. 3 So skilful were his confectioners and dairymen, that all the various kinds of food that were served by his cooks, either meat-cooks or fruit-cooks, p161 they would also serve up, making them now out of confectionery or again out of milk products. 4 His parasites he would serve with dinners made of glass, and at times he would send to their table only embroidered napkins with pictures of the viands that were set before himself, as many in number as the courses which he was to have, so that they were served only with representations made by the needle or the loom. 5 Sometimes, however, paintings too were displayed to them, so that they were served with the whole dinner, as it were, but were all the while tormented by hunger. 6 He would also mix jewels with apples and flowers, and he would throw out of the window quite as much food as he served to his friends. 7 He gave an order, too, that an amount of public grain equal to one year's tribute should be given to all the harlots, procurers, and catamites who were within the walls, and promised an equal amount to those without, for, thanks to the foresight of Severus and Trajan, there was in Rome at that time a store of grain equal to seven years' tribute. 100

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 28 1 He would harness four huge dogs to a chariot and drive about within the royal residence, and he did the same thing, before he was made emperor, on his country-estates. 2 He even appeared in public driving four stags of vast size. Once he harnessed lions to his chariot and called himself the Great Mother, and on another occasion, tigers, and called himself Dionysus; and he always appeared in the particular garb in which the deity that he was representing was usually depicted. 3 He kept at Rome tiny Egyptian snakes, called by the natives "good genii,"101 besides hippopotami, a crocodile, and a rhinoceros, and, in fact, everything Egyptian which was of such a kind that it could be supplied. 4 And p163 sometimes at his banquets he served ostriches, saying that the Jews had been commanded to eat them. h

5 It seems indeed a surprising thing that he is said to have done when he invited men of the highest rank to a luncheon and covered a semi-circular couch with saffron-flowers, and then said that he was providing them with the kind of hay102 that their rank demanded. 6 The occupations of the day he performed at night, and those of the night in the daytime, and he considered it a mark of luxury to wait until a late hour before rising from sleep and beginning to hold his levee, and also to remain awake until morning. He received his courtiers every day, and he seldom let any go without a gift, save those whom he found to be thrifty, for he regarded these as worthless.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 29 1 His chariots were made of jewels and gold, for he scorned those that were merely of silver or ivory or bronze. 103 2 He would harness women of the greatest beauty to a wheel-barrow in fours, in twos, or in threes or even more, and would drive them about, usually naked himself, as were also the women who were pulling him.

3 He had the custom, moreover, of asking to dinner eight bald men, or else eight one-eyed men, or eight men who suffered from gout, or eight deaf men, or eight men of dark complexion, or eight tall men, or, again, eight fat men, his purpose being, in the case of these last, since they could not be accommodated on one couch, to call forth general laughter. 4 He would present to his guests all the silver-plate that he had in the banqueting-room and all the supply of goblets, and he did it very often too. 5 He was the first Roman emperor to serve at a public banquet fish-pickle104 mixed with water, for previously this had p165 been only a soldier's dish — a usage which later was promptly restored by Alexander. 6 He would propose to his guests, furthermore, by way of a feat, that they should invent new sauces for giving flavour to the food, and he would offer a very large prize for the man whose invention should please him, even presenting him with a silk garment — then regarded as a rarity and a mark of honour. 7 On the other hand, if the sauce did not please him, the inventor was ordered to continue eating it until he invented a better one. 8 Of course he always sat among flowers or perfumes of great value, 9 and he loved to hear the prices of the food served at his table exaggerated, asserting it was an appetizer for the banquet.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 30 1 He got himself up as a confectioner, a perfumer, a cook, a shop-keeper, or a procurer, and he even practised all these occupations in his own house continually. 2 At one dinner where there were many tables he brought in the heads of six hundred ostriches in order that the brains might be eaten. 3 Occasionally he gave a banquet in which he would serve twenty-two courses of extraordinary viands, and between each course he and his guests would bathe and dally with women, all taking an oath that they were deriving enjoyment. 4 And once he gave a banquet in which one course was served in the house of each guest, and although one lived on the Capitoline Hill, one on the Palatine, one beyond the Rampart,105 one on the Caelian Hill, and one across the Tiber, nevertheless each course was served in order in one of the houses, and they went about to the homes of all. 5 It was difficult, therefore, to finish the banquet within a whole day, especially as between the courses they bathed and dallied with women. p167 6 He always served a course of Sybariticum, consisting of oil and fish-pickle, which the men of Sybaris invented in the year in which they all perished. 106 7 It is further related of him that he constructed baths in many places, bathed in them once, and immediately demolished them, merely in order that he might not derive any advantage from them. And he is said to have done the same with houses, imperial headquarters, and summer-dwellings. 8 However, these and some other things which surpass credence, I believe to have been fabricated by those who wished to vilify Elagabalus in order to curry favour with Alexander.

[Legamen ad paginam Latinam] 31 1 He purchased, it is said, a very famous and very beautiful harlot for one hundred thousand sesterces, and then kept her untouched, as though she were a virgin. 2 When some one asked him before he was made emperor, "Are you not afraid of becoming poor? " he replied, so they say, "What could be better than that I should be my own heir and my wife's too? " 3 He had abundant means besides, bequeathed to him by many out of regard for his father. Furthermore, he said that he did not wish to have sons, lest one of them should chance to be thrifty. 4 He would have perfumes from India burned without any coals in order that the fumes might fill his apartments. Even while a commoner he never made a journey with fewer than sixty wagons, though his grandmother Varia107 used to protest that he would squander all his substance; 5 but after he became emperor he would take with him, it is said, as many as six hundred, asserting that the king of the Persians travelled with ten thousand camels and Nero with five hundred carriages. 108 6 The reason for all these vehicles was the vast number of his procurers and p169 bawds, harlots, catamites and lusty partners in depravity. i 7 In the public baths he always bathed with the women, and he even treated them himself with a depilatory ointment, which he applied also to his own beard, and shameful though it be to say it, in the same place where the women were treated and at the same hour.