But oh, my life, say that I
am guiltless!
am guiltless!
Warner - World's Best Literature - v15 - Kab to Les
He comes also.
He has never yet seen the
skies. ”
Ameera climbed the narrow staircase that led to the flat roof.
The child, placid and unwinking, lay in the hollow of her right
arm, gorgeous in silver-fringed muslin, with a small skull-cap on
his head. Ameera wore all that she valued most: the diamond
nose-stud that takes the place of the Western patch in drawing
attention to the curve of the nostril, the gold ornament in the
centre of the forehead studded with tallow-drop emeralds and
flawed rubies, the heavy circlet of beaten gold that was fastened
round her neck by the softness of the pure metal, and the chink-
ing curb-patterned silver anklets hanging low over the rosy
ankle-bone. She was dressed in jade-green muslin, as befitted a
daughter of the Faith, and from shoulder to elbow and elbow to
wrist ran bracelets of silver tied with floss silk; frail glass ban-
gles slipped over the wrist in proof of the slenderness of the
hand, - and certain heavy gold bracelets that had no part in
her country's ornaments, but since they were Holden's gift, and
fastened with a cunning European snap, delighted her immensely.
They sat down by the low white parapet of the roof, over-
looking the city and its lights.
10
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RUDYARD KIPLING
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.
(
we
1
)
"They are happy down there,” said Ameera. « But I do not
think that they are as happy as we. Nor do I think the white
nem-log are as happy. And thou ? ”
“I know they are not. ”
« How dost thou know ? »
"They give their children over to the nurses. "
“I have never seen that,” said Ameera, with a sigh; “nor
do I wish to see. Ahi! " --- she dropped her head on Holden's
shoulder-"I have counted forty stars, and I am tired. Look
at the child, love of my life. He is counting too. ”
The baby was staring with round eyes at the dark of the
heavens. Ameera placed him in Holden's arms, and he lay there
without a cry.
“What shall call him among ourselves ? » she said.
"Look! Art thou ever tired of looking? He carries thy very
eyes! But the mouth - »
"Is thine, most dear. Who should know better than I ? »
'Tis such a feeble mouth. Oh, so small! And yet it he
my heart between its lips. Give him to me now. He has been
too long away. ”
“Nay, let him lie: he has not yet begun to cry.
“When he cries thou wilt give him back, eh? What a man
of mankind thou art! If he cried he were only the dearer to
me. But, my life, what little name shall we give him ? »
The small body lay close to Holden's heart. It was utterly
helpless and very soft. He scarcely dared to breathe for fear of
crushing it. The caged green parrot, that is regarded as a sort
of guardian spirit in most native households, moved on its perch
and fluttered a drowsy wing.
« There is the answer,” said Holden. “Mian Mittu has
Spoken. He shall be the parrot. When he is ready he will talk
mightily and run about. Mian Mittu is the parrot in thy - in
the Mussulman tongue, is it not ? ”
“Why put me so far off ? ” said Ameera fretfully. “Let it be
like unto some English name – but not wholly. For he is mine. ”
“Then call him Tota, for that is likest English. ”
“Ay, Tota ! and that is still the parrot. Forgive me, my lord,
for a minute ago; but in truth he is too little to wear all the
weight of Mian Mittu for name. He shall be Tota-
our Tota
Hearest thou, O small one? Littlest, thou art Tota. ”
She touched the child's cheek, and he waking wailed, and it
was necessary to return him to his mother, w
11
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soothed him
to us.
## p. 8646 (#258) ###########################################
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RUDYARD KIPLING
with the wonderful rhyme of "Aré koko, Ja ré koko! ” which
says: -
“Oh, crow! Go, crow! Baby's sleeping sound,
And the wild plums grow in the jungle, only a penny a pound.
Only a penny a pound, Baba — only a penny a pound. ”
Reassured many times as to the price of those plums, Tota
cuddled himself down to sleep. The two sleek white well-bullocks
in the court-yard were steadily chewing the cud of their evening
meal; old Pir Khan squatted at the head of Holden's horse, his
police sabre across his knees, pulling drowsily at a big water-
pipe that croaked like a bull-frog in a pond. Ameera's mother
sat spinning in the lower veranda, and the wooden gate was shut
and barred. The music of a marriage procession came to the
roof above the gentle hum of the city, and a string of flying-
foxes crossed the face of the low moon.
“I have prayed,” said Ameera after a long pause, with her
chin in her hand—“I have prayed two things. First, that I may
die in thy stead, if thy death is demanded; and in the second,
that I may die in the place of the child. I have prayed to the
Prophet and to Beebee Miriam. Thinkest thou either will hear ? »
"From thy lips who would not hear the lightest word?
“I asked for straight talk, and thou hast given me sweet talk.
Will my prayers be heard ? »
“How can I say? God is very good. ”
“Of that I am not sure.
Listen now.
When I die or the
child dies, what is thy fate? Living, thou wilt return to the
bold white mem-log, for kind calls to kind. ”
“Not always. ”
« With a woman, no.
With a man it is otherwise. Thou wilt
in this life, later on, go back to thine own folk. That I could
almost endure, for I should be dead. But in thy very death
thou wilt be taken away to a strange place and a paradise that
I do not know. ”
“Will it be paradise ? ”
"Surely; for what God would harm thee? But we two-I
and the child - shall be elsewhere; and we cannot come to thee,
nor canst thou come to us. In the old days, before the child
was born, I did not think of these things; but now I think of
them perpetually. It is very hard talk. ”
“It will fall as it will fall. To-morrow we do not know, but
to-day and love we know well. Surely we are happy now. ”
(
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RUDYARD KIPLING
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woman.
»
* So happy that it were well to make our happiness assured.
And thy Beebee Miriam should listen to me; for she is also a
But then she would envy me. It is not seemly for
Inen to worship a woman. ”
Holden laughed aloud at Ameera's little spasm of jealousy.
"Is it not seemly? Why didst thou not turn me from wor-
ship of thee then ? »
“Thou a worshiper! And of me! My king, for all thy sweet
words, well I know that I am thy servant and thy slave, and the
dust under thy feet. And I would not have it otherwise. See ! »
Before Holden could prevent her she stooped forward and
touched his feet; recovering herself with a little laugh, she hugged
Tota closer to her bosom. Then, almost savagely:-
"Is it true that the bold white mem-log live for three times
the length of my life? Is it true that they make their marriages
not before they are old women ? ”
“They marry as do others — when they are women. ”
« “That I know; but they wed when they are twenty-five. Is
that true ? »
« That is true. ”
“Ya illah! At twenty-five! Who would of his own will take
a wife even of eighteen? She is a woman -aging every hour.
Twenty-five! I shall be an old woman at that age, and — those
mem-log remain young forever. How I hate them ! »
“What have they to do with us? ”
“I cannot tell. I know only that there may now be alive
on this earth a woman ten years older than I, who may come to
thee and take thy love ten years after I am an old woman,
gray-headed, and the nurse of Tota's son. That is unjust and
evil. They should die too. ”
“Now for all thy years thou art a child, and shalt be picked
up and carried down the staircase. ”
“ Tota! Have a care for Tota, my lord! Thou at least art as
foolish as any babe! » Ameera tucked Tota out of harm's way in
the hollow of her neck, and was carried down-stairs, laughing, in
Holden's arms, while Tota opened his eyes and smiled after the
manner of the lesser angels.
He was a silent infant; and almost before Holden could real-
ize that he was in the world, developed into a small gold-colored
godling, and unquestioned despot of the house overlooking the
city. Those were months of absolute happiness to Holden and
## p. 8648 (#260) ###########################################
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RUDYARD KIPLING
Ameera,- happiness withdrawn from the world, shut in behind
the wooden gate that Pir Khan guarded. By day Holden did his
work, with an immense pity for such as were not so fortunate as
himself, and a sympathy for small children that amazed and
amused many mothers at the little station gatherings. At night-
fall he returned to Ameera — Ameera full of the wondrous doings
-
of Tota: how he had been seen to clap his hands together and
move his fingers with intention and purpose, which was manifestly
a miracle; how later he had of his own initiative crawled out of
his low bedstead on to the floor, and swayed on both feet for the
space of three breaths.
"And they were long breaths, for my heart stood still with
delight,” said Ameera.
Then he took the beasts into his councils,--the well-bullocks,
the little gray squirrels, the mongoose that lived in a hole near
the well, and especially Mian Mittu, the parrot, whose tail he
grievously pulled, and Mian Mittu screamed till Ameera and
Holden arrived.
"Oh, villain! Child of strength! This to thy brother on the
house-top! Tobah, tobah! Fie! fie! But I know a charm to
make him wise as Suleiman and Aflatoun. Now look,” said
Ameera. She drew from an embroidered bag a handful of
almonds. “See! we count seven. In the name of God! ”
She placed Mian Mittu, very angry and ruffled, on the top of
his cage; and seating herself between the babe and the bird,
cracked and peeled an almond less white than her teeth. This
is a true charm, my life: and do not laugh. See! I give the
parrot one half, and Tota the other. ” Mian Mittu, with careful
beak, took his share from between Ameera's lips, and she kissed
the other half into the mouth of the child, who ate it slowly,
with wondering eyes. “This I will do each day of seven, and
without doubt he who is ours will be a bold speaker and wise.
Eh, Tota, what wilt thou be when thou art a man and I am
gray-headed ? » Tota tucked his fat legs into adorable creases.
He could crawl, but he was not going to waste the spring of his
youth in idle speech. He wanted Mian Mittu's tail to tweak.
When he advanced to the dignity of a silver belt, - which,
with a magic square engraved on silver and hung round his neck,
made up the greater part of his clothing, --he staggered on a
perilous journey down the garden to Pir Khan, and proffered him
all his jewels in exchange for one little ride on Holden's horse.
4
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161
He had seen his mother's mother chaffering with peddlers in the
veranda. Pir Khan wept, set the untried feet on his own gray
head in sign of fealty, and brought the bold adventurer to his
mother's arms, vowing that Tota would be a leader of men ere
his beard was grown.
One hot evening, while he sat on the roof between his father
and mother, watching the never-ending warfare of the kites that
the city boys few, he demanded a kite of his own, with Pir
Khan to fly it, because he had a fear of dealing with anything
larger than himself; and when Holden called him a “spark,” he
rose to his feet and answered slowly, in defense of his new-found
individuality: "Hum 'park nahin hai. Hum admi hai) (I am
no spark, but a man).
The protest made Holden choke, and devote himself very seri-
ously to a consideration of Tota's future.
He need hardly have taken the trouble. The delight of that
life was too perfect to endure. Therefore it was taken away,
as many things are taken away in India, suddenly and without
warning. The little lord of the house, as Pir Khan called him,
grew sorrowful and complained of pains, who had never known
the meaning of pain. Ameera, wild with terror, watched him
through the night, and in the dawning of the second day the life
was shaken out of him by fever— the seasonal autumn fever.
It seemed altogether impossible that he could die; and neither
Ameera nor Holden at first believed the evidence of the body on
the bedstead. Then Ameera beat her head against the wall, and
would have fung herself down the well in the garden, had Hol-
den not restrained her by main force.
One mercy only was granted to Holden. He rode to his office
in broad daylight, and found waiting him an unusually heavy
mail that demanded concentrated attention and hard work. He
was not, however, alive to this kindness of the gods.
!
1
The first shock of a bullet is no more than a brisk pinch.
The wrecked body does not send in its protest to the soul till
ten or fifteen seconds later. Then comes thirst, throbbing and
agony, and a ridiculous amount of screaming. Holden realized
his pain slowly, exactly as he had realized his happiness; and
with the same imperious necessity for hiding all trace of it. In
the beginning he only felt that there had been a loss, and that
## p. 8650 (#262) ###########################################
8650
RUDYARD KIPLING
It was
Ameera needed comforting where she sat with her head on her
knees, shivering, as Mian Mittu from the house-top called “Tota!
Tota! Tota! ” Later all his world and the daily life of it rose up
to hurt him.
an outrage that any one of the children
at the band-stand in the evening should be alive and clamorous
when his own child lay dead. It was more than mere pain when
one of them touched him; and stories told by over-fond fathers
of their children's latest performances cut him to the quick. He
could not declare his pain. He had neither help, comfort, nor
sympathy; and Ameera, at the end of each weary day, would
lead him through the hell of self-questioning reproach which is
reserved for those who have lost a child, and believe that with a
little — just a little more care - it might have been saved. There
are not many hells worse than this; but he knows one who has
sat down temperately to consider whether he is or is not respons-
ible for the death of his wife.
"Perhaps," Ameera would say, "I did not take sufficient heed.
Did I, or did I not?
The sun
on the roof that day when he
played so long alone, and I was- ahi! braiding my hair-it
may be that the sun then bred the fever. If I had warned him
from the sun he might have lived.
But oh, my life, say that I
am guiltless! Thou knowest that I loved him as I love thee !
Say that there is no blame on me, or I shall die — I shall die!
« There is no blame. Before God, none.
It was written, and
how could we do aught to save ? What has been, has been. Let
it go, beloved. ”
“He was all my heart to me. How can I let the thought go
when my arm tells me every night that he is not here? Ahi !
ahi! 0 Tota, come back to me come back again, and let us
be all together as it was before !
(Peace! peace! For thine own sake, and for mine also, if
thou lovest me, rest. ”
« By this I know thou dost not care; and how shouldst thou ?
The white men have hearts of stone and souls of iron. Oh that
I had married a man of mine own people — though he beat me
and had never eaten the bread of an alien! ”
"Am I an alien, mother of my son ? »
«What else, sahib ? -Oh, forgive me — forgive!
“—
forgive! The death
has driven me mad. Thou art the life of my heart, and the
light of my eyes, and the breath of my life, and — and I have
put thee from me, though it was but for a moment. If thou
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8651
»
goest away, to whom shall I look for help? Do not be angry.
Indeed, it was the pain that spoke, and not thy slave. ”
"I know I know. We be two who were three.
The greater
need therefore that we should be one. "
They were sitting on the roof as of custom. The night was
a warm one in early spring, and sheet-lightning was dancing on
the horizon to a broken tune played by far-off thunder. Aineera
settled herself in Holden's arms.
« The dry earth is lowing like a cow for the rain, and I-I
am afraid. It was not like this when we counted the stars. But
thou lovest me as much as before, though a bond is taken away?
Answer. ”
“I love more, because a new bond has come out of the sor-
row that we have eaten together; and that thou knowest. ”
“Yea, I know,” said Ameera, in a very small whisper. But
it is good to hear thee say so, my life, who art so strong to help.
I will be a child no more, but a woman and an aid to thee.
Listen. Give me my sitar, and I will sing bravely. ”
She took the light silver-studded sitar, and began a song of
the great hero Rajá Rasalu. The hand failed on the strings;
the tune halted, checked, and at a low note turned off to the
poor little nursery rhyme about the wicked crow:-
(
»
1
11
11
1
.
1
4
8
1
1
1
1
3
«C And the wild plums grow in the jungle –
Only a penny a pound;
Only a penny a pound, Baba — only - » »
Then came the tears and the piteous rebellion against fate,
till she slept, moaning a little in her sleep, with the right arm
thrown clear of the body, as though it protected something that
was not there.
It was after this night that life became a little easier for
Holden. The ever-present pain of loss drove him into his work;
and the work repaid him by filling up his mind for eight or
nine hours a day. Ameera sat alone in the house and brooded;
but grew happier when she understood that Holden was more at
according to the custom of women. They touched hap-
piness again, but this time with caution.
“It was because we loved Tota that he died. The jealousy
of God was upon us,” said Ameera. “I have hung up a large
black jar before our window to turn the Evil Eye from us, and
ease
## p. 8652 (#264) ###########################################
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C
we must make no protestations of delight, but go softly under-
neath the stars, lest God find us out. Is that not good talk,
worthless one?
She had shifted the accent of the word that means beloved,"
in proof of the sincerity of her purpose. But the kiss that fol.
lowed the new christening was a thing that any deity might have
envied. They went about henceforward saying, “It is naught
it is naught,” and hoping that all the Powers heard.
The Powers were busy on other things. They had allowed
thirty million people four years of plenty, wherein men fed well
and the crops were certain, and the birth-rate rose year by
year; the districts reported a purely agricultural population vary-
ing from nine hundred to two thousand to the square mile of
the overburdened earth. It was time to make room. And the
Member for Lower Tooting, wandering about India in top-hat
and frock-coat, talked largely of the benefits of British rule, and
suggested as the one thing needful the establishment of a duly
qualified electoral system, and a general bestowal of the franchise.
His long-suffering hosts smiled and made him welcome; and
when he paused to admire, with pretty picked words, the blos-
som of the blood-red dhak-tree, that had flowered untimely for a
sign of the sickness that was coming, they smiled more than ever.
It was the Deputy Commissioner of Kot-Kumharsen, staying
at the club for a day, who lightly told a tale that made Holden's
blood run cold as he overheard the end.
“He won't bother any one any more.
Never saw a man
astonished in my life. By Jove! I thought he meant to ask
question in the House about it. Fellow-passenger in his ship
dined next him— bowled over by cholera, and died in eighteen
hours. You needn't laugh, you fellows. The Member for Lower
Tooting is awfully angry about it; but he's more scared.
I think
he's going to take his enlightened self out of India. ”
“I'd give a good deal if he were knocked over. It might
keep a few vestrymen of his kidney to their parish. But what's
this about cholera ? It's full early for anything of that kind,”
said a warden of an unprofitable salt-lick.
« Dun'no',” said the Deputy Commissioner, reflectively. “We've
got locusts with us. There's sporadic cholera all along the north
– at least, we're calling it sporadic for decency's sake.
spring crops are short in five districts, and nobody seems to
SO
a
>
The
## p. 8653 (#265) ###########################################
RUDYARD KIPLING
8653
C
(
»
It
»
<< but
know where the winter rains are. It's nearly March now. I
don't want to scare anybody, but it seems to me that Nature's
going to audit her accounts with a big red pencil this summer. ”
"Just when I wanted to take leave, too,” said a voice across
the room.
“There won't be much leave this year; but there ought to be
a a great deal of promotion. I've come in to persuade the govern-
ment to put my pet canal on the list of famine-relief works.
It's an ill wind that blows no good. I shall get that canal
finished at last. ”
"Is it the old programme, then,” said Holden, - famine,
fever, and cholera ? »
"Oh no! Only local scarcity and an unusual prevalence of
seasonal sickness. You'll find it all in the reports if you live
till next year. You're a lucky chap. You haven't got a wife to
.
put out of harm's way. The hill stations ought to be full of
women this year. ”
"I think you're inclined to exaggerate the talk in the bazars,”
said a young civilian in the secretariat. «Now I have observed — »
"I daresay you have,” said the Deputy Commissioner,
you've a great deal more to observe, my son. In the mean
time I wish to observe to you — ” And he drew him aside to
discuss the construction of the canal that was so dear to his
heart.
Holden went to his bungalow, and began to understand that
he was not alone in the world; and also that he was afraid for
the sake of another, which is the most soul-satisfying fear known
to man.
Two months later, as the Deputy had foretold, Nature began
to audit her accounts with a red pencil. On the heels of the
spring reapings came a cry for bread, and the Government,
which had decreed that no man should die of want, sent wheat.
Then came the cholera from all four quarters of the compass.
It struck a pilgrim gathering of half a million at a sacred shrine.
Many died at the feet of their god; the others broke, and ran
over the face of the land, carrying the pestilence with them. It
smote a walled city, and killed two hundred a day. The people
crowded the trains, hanging on to the foot-boards and squatting
on the roofs of the carriages; and the cholera followed them, for
at each station they dragged out the dead and the dying on the
platforms reeking of lime-wash and carbolic acid. They died by
## p. 8654 (#266) ###########################################
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>
the roadside, and the horses of the Englishmen shied at the
corpses in the grass. The rains did not come, and the earth
turned to iron lest man should escape by hiding in her. The
English sent their wives away to the Hills, and went about their
work; coming forward as they were bidden to fill the gaps in
the fighting line. Holden, sick with fear of losing his chiefest
treasure on earth, had done his best to persuade Ameera to go
away with her mother to the Himalayas.
“Why should I go ? ” said she one evening on the roof.
« There is sickness, and the people are dying, and all the
white mem-log have gone. ”
"All of them ? »
"All— unless perhaps there remain some old scald-head who
vexes her husband's heart by running risk of death. ”
“Nay: who stays is my sister, and thou must not abuse her,
for I will be a scald-head too. I am glad all the bold white
mem-log are gone. "
“Do I speak to a woman or a babe? Go to the Hills, and I
will see to it that thou goest like a queen's daughter. Think,
child.
In a red-lacquered bullock-cart, veiled and curtained, with
brass peacocks upon the pole and red-cloth hangings. I will send
two orderlies for guard, and — »
« Peace! Thou art the babe in speaking thus. What use are
those toys to me? He would have patted the bullocks and played
with the housings. For his sake, perhaps — thou hast made me
very English - I might have gone. Now I will not.
Let the
mem-log run. ”
« Their husbands are sending them, beloved. ”
« Very good talk. Since when hast thou been my husband
to tell me what to do? I have but borne thee a son.
Thou art
only all the desire of my soul to me. How shall I depart when
I know that if evil befall thee by the breadth of so much
my littlest finger-nail — is not that small ? - I should be aware
of it though I were in Paradise. And here, this summer thou
mayst die — ai, janee, die! - and in dying they might call to tend
thee a white woman, and she would rob me in the last of thy
love. "
“But love is not born in a moment, or on a death-bed. ”
« What dost thou know of love, stone-heart ? She would take
thy thanks at least; and by God and the Prophet, and Beebee
Miriam the mother of thy Prophet, that I will never endure.
i
(
as
## p. 8655 (#267) ###########################################
RUDYARD KIPLING
8655
My lord and my love, let there be no more foolish talk of going
away. Where thou art, I am. It is enough. ” She put an arm
round his neck and a hand on his mouth,
There are not many happinesses so complete as those that are
snatched under the shadow of the sword. They sat together and
laughed, calling each other openly by every pet name that could
move the wrath of the gods. The city below them was locked
up in its own torments. Sulphur-fires blazed in the streets; the
conches in the Hindu temples screamed and bellowed, for the
gods were inattentive in those days. There was a service in the
great Mohammedan shrine, and the call to prayer from the min-
arets was almost unceasing. They heard the wailing in the houses
of the dead, and once the shriek of a mother who had lost a
child and was calling for its return. In the gray dawn they saw
the dead borne out through the city gates, each litter with its
own little knot of mourners. Wherefore they kissed each other
and shivered.
It was a red and heavy audit; for the land was very sick,
and needed a little breathing-space ere the torrent of cheap life
should flood it anew. The children of immature fathers and
undeveloped mothers made no resistance. They were cowed and
sat still; waiting till the sword should be sheathed in November,
if it were so willed.
There were gaps among the English, but
the gaps were filled. The work of superintending famine relief,
cholera sheds, medicine distribution, and what little sanitation was
possible, went forward because it was so ordered.
Holden had been told to hold himself in readiness to move
to replace the next man who should fall. There were twelve
hours in each day when he could not see Ameera; and she
might die in three. He was considering what his pain would be
if he could not see her for three months, or if she died out of
his sight. He was absolutely certain that her death would be
demanded: so certain that when he looked up from the tele-
gram and saw Pir Khan breathless in the doorway, he laughed
aloud. "And-? ) said he.
“When there is a cry in the night and the spirit flutters into
the throat, who has a charm that will restore ? Come swiftly,
heaven-born. It is the Black Cholera. ”
Holden galloped to his home. The sky was heavy with
clouds, for the long-deferred rains were at hand, and the heat
臺
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51
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B
was stifling. Ameera's mother met him in the court-yard, whim-
pering, «She is dying. She is nursing herself into death.
«
She
is all but dead. What shall I do, sahib?
Ameera was lying in the room in which Tota had been born.
She made no sign when Holden entered; because the human soul
is a very lonely thing, and when it is getting ready to go away,
hides itself in a misty borderland where the living may not
follow. The Black Cholera does its work quietly and without
explanation. Ameera was being thrust out of life as though the
Angel of Death had himself put his hand upon her. The quick
breathing seemed to show that she was either afraid or in pain,
but neither eyes nor mouth gave any answer to Holden's kisses.
There was nothing to be said or done. Holden could only wait
and suffer. The first drops of the rain began to fall on the roof,
and he could hear shouts of joy in the parched city.
The soul came back a little, and the lips moved. Holden
bent down to listen. Keep nothing of mine," said Ameera.
« Take no hair from my head. She would make thee burn it
later on. That flame I should feel. Lower! Stoop lower!
Remember only that I was thine and bore thee a son. Though
thou wed a white woman to-morrow, the pleasure of taking in
thy arms thy first son is taken from thee forever. Remember
me when thy son is born — the one that shall carry thy name
before all men. His misfortunes be on my head.
I bear wit-
-I bear witness » the lips were forming the words on his
«that there is no God but — thee, beloved. ”
Then she died. Holden sat still, and thought of any kind was
taken from him till he heard Ameera's mother lift the curtain.
skies. ”
Ameera climbed the narrow staircase that led to the flat roof.
The child, placid and unwinking, lay in the hollow of her right
arm, gorgeous in silver-fringed muslin, with a small skull-cap on
his head. Ameera wore all that she valued most: the diamond
nose-stud that takes the place of the Western patch in drawing
attention to the curve of the nostril, the gold ornament in the
centre of the forehead studded with tallow-drop emeralds and
flawed rubies, the heavy circlet of beaten gold that was fastened
round her neck by the softness of the pure metal, and the chink-
ing curb-patterned silver anklets hanging low over the rosy
ankle-bone. She was dressed in jade-green muslin, as befitted a
daughter of the Faith, and from shoulder to elbow and elbow to
wrist ran bracelets of silver tied with floss silk; frail glass ban-
gles slipped over the wrist in proof of the slenderness of the
hand, - and certain heavy gold bracelets that had no part in
her country's ornaments, but since they were Holden's gift, and
fastened with a cunning European snap, delighted her immensely.
They sat down by the low white parapet of the roof, over-
looking the city and its lights.
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.
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we
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"They are happy down there,” said Ameera. « But I do not
think that they are as happy as we. Nor do I think the white
nem-log are as happy. And thou ? ”
“I know they are not. ”
« How dost thou know ? »
"They give their children over to the nurses. "
“I have never seen that,” said Ameera, with a sigh; “nor
do I wish to see. Ahi! " --- she dropped her head on Holden's
shoulder-"I have counted forty stars, and I am tired. Look
at the child, love of my life. He is counting too. ”
The baby was staring with round eyes at the dark of the
heavens. Ameera placed him in Holden's arms, and he lay there
without a cry.
“What shall call him among ourselves ? » she said.
"Look! Art thou ever tired of looking? He carries thy very
eyes! But the mouth - »
"Is thine, most dear. Who should know better than I ? »
'Tis such a feeble mouth. Oh, so small! And yet it he
my heart between its lips. Give him to me now. He has been
too long away. ”
“Nay, let him lie: he has not yet begun to cry.
“When he cries thou wilt give him back, eh? What a man
of mankind thou art! If he cried he were only the dearer to
me. But, my life, what little name shall we give him ? »
The small body lay close to Holden's heart. It was utterly
helpless and very soft. He scarcely dared to breathe for fear of
crushing it. The caged green parrot, that is regarded as a sort
of guardian spirit in most native households, moved on its perch
and fluttered a drowsy wing.
« There is the answer,” said Holden. “Mian Mittu has
Spoken. He shall be the parrot. When he is ready he will talk
mightily and run about. Mian Mittu is the parrot in thy - in
the Mussulman tongue, is it not ? ”
“Why put me so far off ? ” said Ameera fretfully. “Let it be
like unto some English name – but not wholly. For he is mine. ”
“Then call him Tota, for that is likest English. ”
“Ay, Tota ! and that is still the parrot. Forgive me, my lord,
for a minute ago; but in truth he is too little to wear all the
weight of Mian Mittu for name. He shall be Tota-
our Tota
Hearest thou, O small one? Littlest, thou art Tota. ”
She touched the child's cheek, and he waking wailed, and it
was necessary to return him to his mother, w
11
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soothed him
to us.
## p. 8646 (#258) ###########################################
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RUDYARD KIPLING
with the wonderful rhyme of "Aré koko, Ja ré koko! ” which
says: -
“Oh, crow! Go, crow! Baby's sleeping sound,
And the wild plums grow in the jungle, only a penny a pound.
Only a penny a pound, Baba — only a penny a pound. ”
Reassured many times as to the price of those plums, Tota
cuddled himself down to sleep. The two sleek white well-bullocks
in the court-yard were steadily chewing the cud of their evening
meal; old Pir Khan squatted at the head of Holden's horse, his
police sabre across his knees, pulling drowsily at a big water-
pipe that croaked like a bull-frog in a pond. Ameera's mother
sat spinning in the lower veranda, and the wooden gate was shut
and barred. The music of a marriage procession came to the
roof above the gentle hum of the city, and a string of flying-
foxes crossed the face of the low moon.
“I have prayed,” said Ameera after a long pause, with her
chin in her hand—“I have prayed two things. First, that I may
die in thy stead, if thy death is demanded; and in the second,
that I may die in the place of the child. I have prayed to the
Prophet and to Beebee Miriam. Thinkest thou either will hear ? »
"From thy lips who would not hear the lightest word?
“I asked for straight talk, and thou hast given me sweet talk.
Will my prayers be heard ? »
“How can I say? God is very good. ”
“Of that I am not sure.
Listen now.
When I die or the
child dies, what is thy fate? Living, thou wilt return to the
bold white mem-log, for kind calls to kind. ”
“Not always. ”
« With a woman, no.
With a man it is otherwise. Thou wilt
in this life, later on, go back to thine own folk. That I could
almost endure, for I should be dead. But in thy very death
thou wilt be taken away to a strange place and a paradise that
I do not know. ”
“Will it be paradise ? ”
"Surely; for what God would harm thee? But we two-I
and the child - shall be elsewhere; and we cannot come to thee,
nor canst thou come to us. In the old days, before the child
was born, I did not think of these things; but now I think of
them perpetually. It is very hard talk. ”
“It will fall as it will fall. To-morrow we do not know, but
to-day and love we know well. Surely we are happy now. ”
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woman.
»
* So happy that it were well to make our happiness assured.
And thy Beebee Miriam should listen to me; for she is also a
But then she would envy me. It is not seemly for
Inen to worship a woman. ”
Holden laughed aloud at Ameera's little spasm of jealousy.
"Is it not seemly? Why didst thou not turn me from wor-
ship of thee then ? »
“Thou a worshiper! And of me! My king, for all thy sweet
words, well I know that I am thy servant and thy slave, and the
dust under thy feet. And I would not have it otherwise. See ! »
Before Holden could prevent her she stooped forward and
touched his feet; recovering herself with a little laugh, she hugged
Tota closer to her bosom. Then, almost savagely:-
"Is it true that the bold white mem-log live for three times
the length of my life? Is it true that they make their marriages
not before they are old women ? ”
“They marry as do others — when they are women. ”
« “That I know; but they wed when they are twenty-five. Is
that true ? »
« That is true. ”
“Ya illah! At twenty-five! Who would of his own will take
a wife even of eighteen? She is a woman -aging every hour.
Twenty-five! I shall be an old woman at that age, and — those
mem-log remain young forever. How I hate them ! »
“What have they to do with us? ”
“I cannot tell. I know only that there may now be alive
on this earth a woman ten years older than I, who may come to
thee and take thy love ten years after I am an old woman,
gray-headed, and the nurse of Tota's son. That is unjust and
evil. They should die too. ”
“Now for all thy years thou art a child, and shalt be picked
up and carried down the staircase. ”
“ Tota! Have a care for Tota, my lord! Thou at least art as
foolish as any babe! » Ameera tucked Tota out of harm's way in
the hollow of her neck, and was carried down-stairs, laughing, in
Holden's arms, while Tota opened his eyes and smiled after the
manner of the lesser angels.
He was a silent infant; and almost before Holden could real-
ize that he was in the world, developed into a small gold-colored
godling, and unquestioned despot of the house overlooking the
city. Those were months of absolute happiness to Holden and
## p. 8648 (#260) ###########################################
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RUDYARD KIPLING
Ameera,- happiness withdrawn from the world, shut in behind
the wooden gate that Pir Khan guarded. By day Holden did his
work, with an immense pity for such as were not so fortunate as
himself, and a sympathy for small children that amazed and
amused many mothers at the little station gatherings. At night-
fall he returned to Ameera — Ameera full of the wondrous doings
-
of Tota: how he had been seen to clap his hands together and
move his fingers with intention and purpose, which was manifestly
a miracle; how later he had of his own initiative crawled out of
his low bedstead on to the floor, and swayed on both feet for the
space of three breaths.
"And they were long breaths, for my heart stood still with
delight,” said Ameera.
Then he took the beasts into his councils,--the well-bullocks,
the little gray squirrels, the mongoose that lived in a hole near
the well, and especially Mian Mittu, the parrot, whose tail he
grievously pulled, and Mian Mittu screamed till Ameera and
Holden arrived.
"Oh, villain! Child of strength! This to thy brother on the
house-top! Tobah, tobah! Fie! fie! But I know a charm to
make him wise as Suleiman and Aflatoun. Now look,” said
Ameera. She drew from an embroidered bag a handful of
almonds. “See! we count seven. In the name of God! ”
She placed Mian Mittu, very angry and ruffled, on the top of
his cage; and seating herself between the babe and the bird,
cracked and peeled an almond less white than her teeth. This
is a true charm, my life: and do not laugh. See! I give the
parrot one half, and Tota the other. ” Mian Mittu, with careful
beak, took his share from between Ameera's lips, and she kissed
the other half into the mouth of the child, who ate it slowly,
with wondering eyes. “This I will do each day of seven, and
without doubt he who is ours will be a bold speaker and wise.
Eh, Tota, what wilt thou be when thou art a man and I am
gray-headed ? » Tota tucked his fat legs into adorable creases.
He could crawl, but he was not going to waste the spring of his
youth in idle speech. He wanted Mian Mittu's tail to tweak.
When he advanced to the dignity of a silver belt, - which,
with a magic square engraved on silver and hung round his neck,
made up the greater part of his clothing, --he staggered on a
perilous journey down the garden to Pir Khan, and proffered him
all his jewels in exchange for one little ride on Holden's horse.
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161
He had seen his mother's mother chaffering with peddlers in the
veranda. Pir Khan wept, set the untried feet on his own gray
head in sign of fealty, and brought the bold adventurer to his
mother's arms, vowing that Tota would be a leader of men ere
his beard was grown.
One hot evening, while he sat on the roof between his father
and mother, watching the never-ending warfare of the kites that
the city boys few, he demanded a kite of his own, with Pir
Khan to fly it, because he had a fear of dealing with anything
larger than himself; and when Holden called him a “spark,” he
rose to his feet and answered slowly, in defense of his new-found
individuality: "Hum 'park nahin hai. Hum admi hai) (I am
no spark, but a man).
The protest made Holden choke, and devote himself very seri-
ously to a consideration of Tota's future.
He need hardly have taken the trouble. The delight of that
life was too perfect to endure. Therefore it was taken away,
as many things are taken away in India, suddenly and without
warning. The little lord of the house, as Pir Khan called him,
grew sorrowful and complained of pains, who had never known
the meaning of pain. Ameera, wild with terror, watched him
through the night, and in the dawning of the second day the life
was shaken out of him by fever— the seasonal autumn fever.
It seemed altogether impossible that he could die; and neither
Ameera nor Holden at first believed the evidence of the body on
the bedstead. Then Ameera beat her head against the wall, and
would have fung herself down the well in the garden, had Hol-
den not restrained her by main force.
One mercy only was granted to Holden. He rode to his office
in broad daylight, and found waiting him an unusually heavy
mail that demanded concentrated attention and hard work. He
was not, however, alive to this kindness of the gods.
!
1
The first shock of a bullet is no more than a brisk pinch.
The wrecked body does not send in its protest to the soul till
ten or fifteen seconds later. Then comes thirst, throbbing and
agony, and a ridiculous amount of screaming. Holden realized
his pain slowly, exactly as he had realized his happiness; and
with the same imperious necessity for hiding all trace of it. In
the beginning he only felt that there had been a loss, and that
## p. 8650 (#262) ###########################################
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RUDYARD KIPLING
It was
Ameera needed comforting where she sat with her head on her
knees, shivering, as Mian Mittu from the house-top called “Tota!
Tota! Tota! ” Later all his world and the daily life of it rose up
to hurt him.
an outrage that any one of the children
at the band-stand in the evening should be alive and clamorous
when his own child lay dead. It was more than mere pain when
one of them touched him; and stories told by over-fond fathers
of their children's latest performances cut him to the quick. He
could not declare his pain. He had neither help, comfort, nor
sympathy; and Ameera, at the end of each weary day, would
lead him through the hell of self-questioning reproach which is
reserved for those who have lost a child, and believe that with a
little — just a little more care - it might have been saved. There
are not many hells worse than this; but he knows one who has
sat down temperately to consider whether he is or is not respons-
ible for the death of his wife.
"Perhaps," Ameera would say, "I did not take sufficient heed.
Did I, or did I not?
The sun
on the roof that day when he
played so long alone, and I was- ahi! braiding my hair-it
may be that the sun then bred the fever. If I had warned him
from the sun he might have lived.
But oh, my life, say that I
am guiltless! Thou knowest that I loved him as I love thee !
Say that there is no blame on me, or I shall die — I shall die!
« There is no blame. Before God, none.
It was written, and
how could we do aught to save ? What has been, has been. Let
it go, beloved. ”
“He was all my heart to me. How can I let the thought go
when my arm tells me every night that he is not here? Ahi !
ahi! 0 Tota, come back to me come back again, and let us
be all together as it was before !
(Peace! peace! For thine own sake, and for mine also, if
thou lovest me, rest. ”
« By this I know thou dost not care; and how shouldst thou ?
The white men have hearts of stone and souls of iron. Oh that
I had married a man of mine own people — though he beat me
and had never eaten the bread of an alien! ”
"Am I an alien, mother of my son ? »
«What else, sahib ? -Oh, forgive me — forgive!
“—
forgive! The death
has driven me mad. Thou art the life of my heart, and the
light of my eyes, and the breath of my life, and — and I have
put thee from me, though it was but for a moment. If thou
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8651
»
goest away, to whom shall I look for help? Do not be angry.
Indeed, it was the pain that spoke, and not thy slave. ”
"I know I know. We be two who were three.
The greater
need therefore that we should be one. "
They were sitting on the roof as of custom. The night was
a warm one in early spring, and sheet-lightning was dancing on
the horizon to a broken tune played by far-off thunder. Aineera
settled herself in Holden's arms.
« The dry earth is lowing like a cow for the rain, and I-I
am afraid. It was not like this when we counted the stars. But
thou lovest me as much as before, though a bond is taken away?
Answer. ”
“I love more, because a new bond has come out of the sor-
row that we have eaten together; and that thou knowest. ”
“Yea, I know,” said Ameera, in a very small whisper. But
it is good to hear thee say so, my life, who art so strong to help.
I will be a child no more, but a woman and an aid to thee.
Listen. Give me my sitar, and I will sing bravely. ”
She took the light silver-studded sitar, and began a song of
the great hero Rajá Rasalu. The hand failed on the strings;
the tune halted, checked, and at a low note turned off to the
poor little nursery rhyme about the wicked crow:-
(
»
1
11
11
1
.
1
4
8
1
1
1
1
3
«C And the wild plums grow in the jungle –
Only a penny a pound;
Only a penny a pound, Baba — only - » »
Then came the tears and the piteous rebellion against fate,
till she slept, moaning a little in her sleep, with the right arm
thrown clear of the body, as though it protected something that
was not there.
It was after this night that life became a little easier for
Holden. The ever-present pain of loss drove him into his work;
and the work repaid him by filling up his mind for eight or
nine hours a day. Ameera sat alone in the house and brooded;
but grew happier when she understood that Holden was more at
according to the custom of women. They touched hap-
piness again, but this time with caution.
“It was because we loved Tota that he died. The jealousy
of God was upon us,” said Ameera. “I have hung up a large
black jar before our window to turn the Evil Eye from us, and
ease
## p. 8652 (#264) ###########################################
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RUDYARD KIPLING
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C
we must make no protestations of delight, but go softly under-
neath the stars, lest God find us out. Is that not good talk,
worthless one?
She had shifted the accent of the word that means beloved,"
in proof of the sincerity of her purpose. But the kiss that fol.
lowed the new christening was a thing that any deity might have
envied. They went about henceforward saying, “It is naught
it is naught,” and hoping that all the Powers heard.
The Powers were busy on other things. They had allowed
thirty million people four years of plenty, wherein men fed well
and the crops were certain, and the birth-rate rose year by
year; the districts reported a purely agricultural population vary-
ing from nine hundred to two thousand to the square mile of
the overburdened earth. It was time to make room. And the
Member for Lower Tooting, wandering about India in top-hat
and frock-coat, talked largely of the benefits of British rule, and
suggested as the one thing needful the establishment of a duly
qualified electoral system, and a general bestowal of the franchise.
His long-suffering hosts smiled and made him welcome; and
when he paused to admire, with pretty picked words, the blos-
som of the blood-red dhak-tree, that had flowered untimely for a
sign of the sickness that was coming, they smiled more than ever.
It was the Deputy Commissioner of Kot-Kumharsen, staying
at the club for a day, who lightly told a tale that made Holden's
blood run cold as he overheard the end.
“He won't bother any one any more.
Never saw a man
astonished in my life. By Jove! I thought he meant to ask
question in the House about it. Fellow-passenger in his ship
dined next him— bowled over by cholera, and died in eighteen
hours. You needn't laugh, you fellows. The Member for Lower
Tooting is awfully angry about it; but he's more scared.
I think
he's going to take his enlightened self out of India. ”
“I'd give a good deal if he were knocked over. It might
keep a few vestrymen of his kidney to their parish. But what's
this about cholera ? It's full early for anything of that kind,”
said a warden of an unprofitable salt-lick.
« Dun'no',” said the Deputy Commissioner, reflectively. “We've
got locusts with us. There's sporadic cholera all along the north
– at least, we're calling it sporadic for decency's sake.
spring crops are short in five districts, and nobody seems to
SO
a
>
The
## p. 8653 (#265) ###########################################
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8653
C
(
»
It
»
<< but
know where the winter rains are. It's nearly March now. I
don't want to scare anybody, but it seems to me that Nature's
going to audit her accounts with a big red pencil this summer. ”
"Just when I wanted to take leave, too,” said a voice across
the room.
“There won't be much leave this year; but there ought to be
a a great deal of promotion. I've come in to persuade the govern-
ment to put my pet canal on the list of famine-relief works.
It's an ill wind that blows no good. I shall get that canal
finished at last. ”
"Is it the old programme, then,” said Holden, - famine,
fever, and cholera ? »
"Oh no! Only local scarcity and an unusual prevalence of
seasonal sickness. You'll find it all in the reports if you live
till next year. You're a lucky chap. You haven't got a wife to
.
put out of harm's way. The hill stations ought to be full of
women this year. ”
"I think you're inclined to exaggerate the talk in the bazars,”
said a young civilian in the secretariat. «Now I have observed — »
"I daresay you have,” said the Deputy Commissioner,
you've a great deal more to observe, my son. In the mean
time I wish to observe to you — ” And he drew him aside to
discuss the construction of the canal that was so dear to his
heart.
Holden went to his bungalow, and began to understand that
he was not alone in the world; and also that he was afraid for
the sake of another, which is the most soul-satisfying fear known
to man.
Two months later, as the Deputy had foretold, Nature began
to audit her accounts with a red pencil. On the heels of the
spring reapings came a cry for bread, and the Government,
which had decreed that no man should die of want, sent wheat.
Then came the cholera from all four quarters of the compass.
It struck a pilgrim gathering of half a million at a sacred shrine.
Many died at the feet of their god; the others broke, and ran
over the face of the land, carrying the pestilence with them. It
smote a walled city, and killed two hundred a day. The people
crowded the trains, hanging on to the foot-boards and squatting
on the roofs of the carriages; and the cholera followed them, for
at each station they dragged out the dead and the dying on the
platforms reeking of lime-wash and carbolic acid. They died by
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>
the roadside, and the horses of the Englishmen shied at the
corpses in the grass. The rains did not come, and the earth
turned to iron lest man should escape by hiding in her. The
English sent their wives away to the Hills, and went about their
work; coming forward as they were bidden to fill the gaps in
the fighting line. Holden, sick with fear of losing his chiefest
treasure on earth, had done his best to persuade Ameera to go
away with her mother to the Himalayas.
“Why should I go ? ” said she one evening on the roof.
« There is sickness, and the people are dying, and all the
white mem-log have gone. ”
"All of them ? »
"All— unless perhaps there remain some old scald-head who
vexes her husband's heart by running risk of death. ”
“Nay: who stays is my sister, and thou must not abuse her,
for I will be a scald-head too. I am glad all the bold white
mem-log are gone. "
“Do I speak to a woman or a babe? Go to the Hills, and I
will see to it that thou goest like a queen's daughter. Think,
child.
In a red-lacquered bullock-cart, veiled and curtained, with
brass peacocks upon the pole and red-cloth hangings. I will send
two orderlies for guard, and — »
« Peace! Thou art the babe in speaking thus. What use are
those toys to me? He would have patted the bullocks and played
with the housings. For his sake, perhaps — thou hast made me
very English - I might have gone. Now I will not.
Let the
mem-log run. ”
« Their husbands are sending them, beloved. ”
« Very good talk. Since when hast thou been my husband
to tell me what to do? I have but borne thee a son.
Thou art
only all the desire of my soul to me. How shall I depart when
I know that if evil befall thee by the breadth of so much
my littlest finger-nail — is not that small ? - I should be aware
of it though I were in Paradise. And here, this summer thou
mayst die — ai, janee, die! - and in dying they might call to tend
thee a white woman, and she would rob me in the last of thy
love. "
“But love is not born in a moment, or on a death-bed. ”
« What dost thou know of love, stone-heart ? She would take
thy thanks at least; and by God and the Prophet, and Beebee
Miriam the mother of thy Prophet, that I will never endure.
i
(
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RUDYARD KIPLING
8655
My lord and my love, let there be no more foolish talk of going
away. Where thou art, I am. It is enough. ” She put an arm
round his neck and a hand on his mouth,
There are not many happinesses so complete as those that are
snatched under the shadow of the sword. They sat together and
laughed, calling each other openly by every pet name that could
move the wrath of the gods. The city below them was locked
up in its own torments. Sulphur-fires blazed in the streets; the
conches in the Hindu temples screamed and bellowed, for the
gods were inattentive in those days. There was a service in the
great Mohammedan shrine, and the call to prayer from the min-
arets was almost unceasing. They heard the wailing in the houses
of the dead, and once the shriek of a mother who had lost a
child and was calling for its return. In the gray dawn they saw
the dead borne out through the city gates, each litter with its
own little knot of mourners. Wherefore they kissed each other
and shivered.
It was a red and heavy audit; for the land was very sick,
and needed a little breathing-space ere the torrent of cheap life
should flood it anew. The children of immature fathers and
undeveloped mothers made no resistance. They were cowed and
sat still; waiting till the sword should be sheathed in November,
if it were so willed.
There were gaps among the English, but
the gaps were filled. The work of superintending famine relief,
cholera sheds, medicine distribution, and what little sanitation was
possible, went forward because it was so ordered.
Holden had been told to hold himself in readiness to move
to replace the next man who should fall. There were twelve
hours in each day when he could not see Ameera; and she
might die in three. He was considering what his pain would be
if he could not see her for three months, or if she died out of
his sight. He was absolutely certain that her death would be
demanded: so certain that when he looked up from the tele-
gram and saw Pir Khan breathless in the doorway, he laughed
aloud. "And-? ) said he.
“When there is a cry in the night and the spirit flutters into
the throat, who has a charm that will restore ? Come swiftly,
heaven-born. It is the Black Cholera. ”
Holden galloped to his home. The sky was heavy with
clouds, for the long-deferred rains were at hand, and the heat
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was stifling. Ameera's mother met him in the court-yard, whim-
pering, «She is dying. She is nursing herself into death.
«
She
is all but dead. What shall I do, sahib?
Ameera was lying in the room in which Tota had been born.
She made no sign when Holden entered; because the human soul
is a very lonely thing, and when it is getting ready to go away,
hides itself in a misty borderland where the living may not
follow. The Black Cholera does its work quietly and without
explanation. Ameera was being thrust out of life as though the
Angel of Death had himself put his hand upon her. The quick
breathing seemed to show that she was either afraid or in pain,
but neither eyes nor mouth gave any answer to Holden's kisses.
There was nothing to be said or done. Holden could only wait
and suffer. The first drops of the rain began to fall on the roof,
and he could hear shouts of joy in the parched city.
The soul came back a little, and the lips moved. Holden
bent down to listen. Keep nothing of mine," said Ameera.
« Take no hair from my head. She would make thee burn it
later on. That flame I should feel. Lower! Stoop lower!
Remember only that I was thine and bore thee a son. Though
thou wed a white woman to-morrow, the pleasure of taking in
thy arms thy first son is taken from thee forever. Remember
me when thy son is born — the one that shall carry thy name
before all men. His misfortunes be on my head.
I bear wit-
-I bear witness » the lips were forming the words on his
«that there is no God but — thee, beloved. ”
Then she died. Holden sat still, and thought of any kind was
taken from him till he heard Ameera's mother lift the curtain.
