No More Learning

O. Dear country-man be patient. Thou frights me out of my little units. Thou look'st as fierce as an
lion. What is the matter ?
C. Matter! is the devil in thee ? Thou'It make us odi ous and detested to all the nation. Can'st thou not leave
off abufing the duke of Marlborough in every one of thy Observators, since his late glorious victory f Have I not told thee of this over and over ? and all cannot cure thy rancor.
0. Why ! hast not thou rancor as well as me ?
C. Rancor! I cou'd eat him without/s//. And so wou'd we all. But I am not such an errant dunce, a booby,
a bays, to spoil all my own plots, and let every body know what we mean.
In thine of last Aug. 23. Vol. 3. No. 44. thou mad'st both him and his dutches to be Jacohites, that that we thought them so. Which (fay you) lessen them both in the esteem many honest people. Meaning our selves. And
giv'st this as an excuse for all the vile things thou had'st laid of them both before. An excuse Quotha! Was this an excuse Why, was ten times worse than all thou had'st spew'd out against them before. The devil has
scoop out thy brains, and ■ in thy skull.
O. did it, that others might think them so. And was not that the efsectual way to ruin them For yop.
know, that to be suspected and guilty much the /ame
thing with mob. And. Reputation Hastest, not fd . easily
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46
The
REHEARS AX.
easily fodder' d again. And it might serve us another day,
that it had been once said, and in print too. Besides, do
but observe my cunning ! Ij>ut the proas' upon the Jact- . hins, and' fay',' that they faid lo. " AnI ffereidre, that w* did believe it.
C. Thy cunning ! it was perlaus indeed ! Should we believe because the Jacohites said so? If they had thought so, they would not have told- thee. But didst thou ever hear any of them say Do'st thou converse with them
O. No, hang them they won't converse with me. But have thee for my evidence, will iegf, that thou hast heard themfay so.
C. Then thou'lt tell a dainn'd lie. Tor never heard ■one of them fay so in my lise, or any thing like it.
O. What signisies that? Can'st thou not fay that thou •did'st hear them fay so How wouM'st thou venture thy
neck for the cause, when thou grudgest the labour ofspeak ing three words
C. sind our cause cannot be serv'd, while we have one grain of conscience or common hones left behind.
But we should have little policy, not to let our
to all the world. That ■which has enragd me, to see thee and the rest of our
godly, shew their resentments when they should have con cealed them. What needed that over-tenderness of confei- ,ence, or over-running of the spleen, that in our publick halls (as told thee in my last) upon the day of thanks giving for the victory of the duke of Marlborough, we shou'd rather drop the queens health (which part of
thesolemnity at such times) than be oblig'd to drink that of the duke of Marlborough, which must have follow'd, and Sir George Rook too, with wishing farther success to their arms, &c.
O. They did not well. What do'st think we have no conscience, to offer even wet-prayer for what we ab hor, and dread above all things in the world Success to
them ruin to our cause. And the spirits of our friends are to be kept up, by as publick notices as we can give
knavery appear bare-sac'
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47
them, not to run in to the rejoicings for church-victories. Therefore it was, that many of us had no Lights in their windows that night. Nor since, upon the victory of Sir George Rook at sea. And while their successes were
founded from the fewer by their cannon, and from all the bells in the town, we lat and dumpish to let the sober ^arty know, that these were no •victories for us ! And to call them togroaning andgrunting in the inward, that the
r£«r£v& ministry, under an episcopal queen, was like to carry all before them.
Pursuant to this, we take all occasions to shew dis-re- spc8 to the duke of Marlborough, and to lessen the fame of
his -victories.
C. How can you do that? What a pox, you cannot
deny the victories.
O. No. But we can transfer them in great part to
ttbers. And you know that takes so much from him. Didn'stthou take notice what I faid in my Observator of last Saturday, Sept. 1 6. when I told thee, that we must not hearken to the acclamations of a party ; that when brave actions are magnify 'd to such a degree, they are lessen d in the eyes of understanding men. It's a strange cafe, that where so many brave men were engag'd, that the whole success stmid be attributed to one person. Those that know the ac- tounts of that fight, otherwise than by the publick prints,
honour ofthe victory.
C. And do'st thou think this will bringthee off? Here
thou mak'st a full discovery. That we are not the party which magnisy the duke of Marlborough, but endeavour to hfsen him. In the next place, thou giv'st to understand, as if we had some secret accounts of that fight, less to the duke's honour, than what is given in the publick accounts.
And we know how far that innuendo will go.
O. How far?
C. Thou hast explain'd master, in thy last Obferva-
tor of Sept. 20th to help those who may be dull as not to apprehend it. Where thou put'st the case thus, Am bound to believt dl the newt that publish authority
And
willtellyou, that prince Eugene had a goodshare of the
it, is
'd by
so
? 1
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The REHEARS A12
And resolv'st in the pretty story thou tell'st of Sir WlU . liam umcr, that we are not to believe the kings Gazette,
tho\ as thou fay'st simply, it readseveral times in coun cil before printed. And thou giv'st reason why we should not believe a paper, that has such authority, and the royal imprimatur because, fay'st thou, we
how much a party there in must confider . we make the these relations. So that
government party (only) against us. And then thou know'st, we are a party against the government.
And which will prevail, now the question. Towards which there one thing we have too long forgot. And now teel the smart of it. That is, having suffer'd the
London Gazettes and other papers publish'd by authority, to retain any credit amongst the people. For these, their victories are proclaim and we have not the full berty to fay and turn things as we please. Therefore
neceflary that this fort of the enemies be attach, ob structs our lines of communication. Therefore rejoice to see the trenches open'd, and our batteries begin to play concert. The very day before thy last Observator came out, that is, on Tuesday the 9th of this September, our Review, Num. 57. gave the sirst on-set, to prepare the way for thee, who was to march up with the main body the
next day, and give the general assault. The Review begins his attack with long Canterbury story of mayor, who
having provided splendid entertainment for the late thanksgiving-day, with two hogsheads ofstrong beer for the soldiers, for which he quotes the London Gazette; and adds
(whether true orfalse know not) that the mayor dy'd the
day before the thanksgiving. Then how could he treat,
or give the beer Yet they might cat and drink tho' he
were dead. And he provided for them, was his
treat still. Master, this very fimple story. But upon this, he attacks the credit of the London Gazette, and con
cludes thus respectfully to a paper of authority, that the London Gazette, and the London Post lwillsoon
papers equal reputation. know his anger at the Gazette was for telling of the publick rejoycings on the thanksgiv ing-day. And perhaps Mr. Webb the mayor of Canterbury,
whom
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49
whom he makes dead, may be yet alive. But 'tis no mat ter for that ! here's an attack made upon the London Ga- œtte f And my master follows next day, with equal force !
and the day following, Thursday Sept. zi . the Master Mer cury, Num. 14. brings up the rear, in ascornful invetUve
upon the London Gazette, and Sir George Rook, and in. justification of the Paris Gazette. Thus qui cannon play 'd
upon the fame point three days fucceifively.
And the truth on't is, master, we shall make little pro
gress, if om party will believe any thing but what we tell them. For want of this method, in time, these late vic
tories have set us hard. We must now bestir our selves, or we're lost for ever. Therefore all pains must be takes to Jink the growing reputation of this duke of Marlborough.
And that is to be done, by the way thou hast taken, first to throw out innuendoes against the publick news, that the matter is not so much to his advantage, as is reported.
And then, to transfer as much of theglory as we can upoa prince Eugene, tho' he be a papist? . It is not the sirst time that we have made good use ofpapishes, to balaixe
the church of England. .
Ill tell thee, master, I was in company soon after the first news of the victoty at Hochstet, with one of our noble lords (I mean of ours ) and when the duke of Marlborough' s health was begun, by a tantivy-man in the company, his lordjhip faid, the duke had a good hit. But it was well
for him that prince Eugene was there. And then turn'd the health and faid, Come, here's little Eugene's health. He's the man. And since that, in a large club of our
considerable whigs. m the city, I faw the duke of Marl- borough's health refus'd, and prince Eugene's drank iu the stead of it. And this que is generally given through the party. But I would not fay a word of it to thee, master, thy Observator about prince Eugene came out, lest it might put thee upon thy guard ; and to try thy mettle,
, whether thou durst publish it to the world. I
(before thou wou'dst have it. As rather theught deny'd we now begin,
to do our calves-head-feasts, after they have been fully provd upon US.
Vol. I. D But
I
5o
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But how shall we get off now from Sir George Rook ? whom thou, and the whole set of us have bespattered in the vilest manner, these several years together. Now we see be dare fight. Pox take these church-men. They make us lyars by their actions. They have the luck on't.
O. We must be the more insolent for that. And stand to our tackle. We know who will believe us. We must row take part with the Paris Gazette, and run down
I did before the taking Gibraltar, because it was done by Sir George Rook. If he had burnt and sunk the whole French sleet, he had been the fame Sir George Rook to us still. For we are ir-reconcileable ! We fay now that he had not sought this time, but that he was ShoveWd into it. We have a Eugene for him too. Do'st observe how lessen this engagement in my last, and compare it to
that of London. And ridicule this great action at sea, as
I
seaHogue, where we had the ene thefight at. lA fourteen os
mies three deckt Jhips destroy d by our brave tars ?
C. A rope take thee for naming of that. For besides
the great superiority of our sleet to the French at that time, not like this last engagement ; we are told in the life pf our glorious king William, the second edit, printed 1703. p. 334. that it was this fame Sit George Rook, then vice-admiral, who did that execution upon the French
sleet, and burnt their ships.
O. But ;t was admiral Russel that commanded in chief. C. But suppose the church-men shou'd make an Eugene
of Rook.
O. Never sear it. They can do no business at all.
They are ty'd up with rules of conscience, and honour, and good manners. They can give just praises to one, with out derogation to any other. They act only upon die de
And can these ever do any good ? especially
fenfive.
when they have to do with us !
C.
But Sir George Ro, k commanded in chief, and was actor too, when he was sent to the Baltick with asect, t o compose the difference betwixt the two northern croivns, which he perform'd with great conduct, and was of mighty importance at that time.
And
The REHEARS AL.
5t And when he took and burnt 1 8 men os war, twofri
gates and asire-ship, with 17 galleons at Vigo. For which we had the sirst solemn thank/giving in this reign. And he received the most honourable thanks cou'd be given to a
subjeH. But he is the fame Sir George Rook to us still ! let him do what he will. As one of us faid in a coffee-house, speaking of this last engagement ; if the French had shut off Sir George Rook's head, all had been well.
O. I'll tell thee, countryman, it is not Rook nor Marl- borough neither, if we had them bothsacrific'd, wou'd da our business. Thou know'st what we wou'd be at. We must higher, and wound others through their sides. ' Thou hast before rehears'd to me my charges against the
lord high admiral, and how still stand to and wilL not abate an inch. And we must not let the clamour lie
still. Our friends memories must be refresh'd.
fore my last Wednesday Observator, fall upon the lord high admiral again. And giving the reason why our privateers take no more French ships, fay, an Exgli/h privateer takes a skip, and brings her into port— they must come up to London, and get her condemned in the
admiralty court. And after they have paid the perquifites the lord high admiral, and the charge condemnation, they had at good have staid at home. Then tell how the
mint de Thoulouse, lord high admiral 'France, bar
quitted his perquifites. And fay, why don't we do the like
How do'st thou know, that the count de Thoulouse
has quitted his perquifites?
0. How shou'd know an be hang'd to thee. But
who'll examine that Will not run among the mob, and prejudice them against our lord high admirals For what
other end, think'st thou, faid
C. But did not my queen, in herspeech to the parlia
ment, tell of the good success of our privateers, and that the prizes were so well manag'd, as to add considerably to the expences of the war.
0. Wilt thou take thy queens word before mine espe
cially where her husband concern'd And hersels too most
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most especially ? For I have often told thee, where the
must end. And to what end
ery of male administrations they are raised.
Any minister may be accus'd of male-administration, in a legal way, and before proper judges. - But no g•rverri- ment is publickly lampoon d and in print, where the design is not to over-throw it. And when the author is known, and still suffer'd to go on, tho' it may be clemency in the government, it may be constru'd impotency by its enemies, and encourage them in their attempts upon it. This is the
use, countryman, I have made of it. And still resolve to continue, with the help of legion.
Prom &at. Sept. 23, to &at. Sept. 30, 1704. N° 9.
The ObservatorV civil address to a madam he calls Pro serpina. Of the ladies neck-laces. His Shovelling of Sir George Rook. With right done to Sir Cloudefly.
Csun TT jAST Saturday, master, in our Rehearsal, we I did valiantly ! we gave a brave broad-fide to the church party, high and low. How smartly did'it
thou Thoulouse the prince our lord high admiral ? Thou Eugerfd the duke of Marlborough, and ShoveWd Sir Georg)
Rook.
The two sirst I rehearsed out of thy Ohservator, word
for word.
But the last I only faid was the word that
run among our party. And if thou hadst given me the
lyt, thou woud'st have putten me upon my proofs. But
thy Observator which came out the lame day, even last Saturday, came plum upon the point, and great part of it was taken up in directly Shovelling of this Rook. Tell
' me, master, is it true, after all, that thou play'st boo ty, and writes in concert with the Rehearsal, to make good
all the scandalous things he tells of thee, and of our par ty ? or, is it that the roguehsa a plaguy guess with him ?
or, has he aspy among us ?
O, No, no, countryman, it is none of these things.
Why,
all we have left to do.
The REHEARSAL.
5g
Why, a buxszard may see that we write only for a party. That our business is only to run down the church, anft the monarchy, and get them both into our own clutches. In order to which, we would have none but true-blue- whigs in the ministry, or in any command either by sea or land. How easy then is for any to tell before-hand,
whom We will praise or dispraise whose actions we will lessen, or transfer the honour to others and
we will magnify up to the jkies And though trie church-men tell us of this, and complain of and expose- us for over, and over yet we can not, we ««/?
nubofe
not help it. Our whole cause depends upon it.
If we suffer church-men to run away with the glory of victories by land andsca, what
will become of us
Therefore as tnoa didst remind me, fn thy Rehearsal
7. Did not even since the glorious victory at Hochstet, make some body Cincius Fulirius, mind him of his fuddeff rifinf, and threaten him with as sudden fall,
with the of his wift kc. whom call venefica *iAiftb; and {Vol. K. 45, last Aug. 26. ) madamVw- serpin a And that might the more easily be under
stood, who meant, add, a jubilee neck-lace for madam Proserpona.
C. What the meaning of that neck-lace do'st mean
a baiter?
O. That what we would be at! but dids'nt hear of
sine diamond neck-lace given sine young Prince, to certain sine lady, at certain noble palace, on the top of hill?
C. Aye, aye, that We had such story run up and down among us, and there was- cross at the end of that neck-lace, according to his country fashion. Whence the new mode Of crosses on neck-laces got up. Which
thou caiYft popery in thy Obf. last July Vol. N. 33:. And- our Review of the fame July 18. N. 39. makes all that wear them to be wh—res, as well as pa-
This brings in all- the church^women, as well as th£ hurcb-men, especially the court, at which we chiefly level. D But,
pishes.
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But, baik ye, mnficr, is wearing a cress a sign of po f. ry? there is a brave cross on the /o/ of my queen's cows. Why do not we pull down the cross off of that
too?
O. All in good time, countryman, thou see'st we
were about it.
C. What if I should prove thee too, master, to be a
Obs How wilt thou do that ?
C. Hast thou never a <ro/t in thy pocket ? thou re- ceiv'dst thy monthly salary yesterday from the clut.
O. Thedog has a mind for my money ! Ihate a cross so inveterately, that I would not have it even upon our coin. It is a christian — heathenish invention. I would
rather have a huWs head, or some of the old pagan deities, as on the Greek and Roman coins, or a pair of trunk hose, as our common-wealth coin ; any thing rather than the sign of the cross upon our money— bless us !
C. Then throw it away. Or, give it to me. Wilt
,— 1
54
The REHEARSAL.
thou carry idolatry about thee 1
O. I do it but occafionally . That is as oft as
I hare
occafion for it.
C. But what if mammon mould turn papish? might not
I turn too?
O. Mammon is a great prince, and may be of what
religion he pleases. But so must not such asaucy rogue as thou.
B. But was not madam Proserpina mammon's wise? and why might not she wear a diamond neck-lace, though there were a cross at it; as well as thou carry a pocket-full of thy gold and stiver crosses?
O. What do'st thou talk? who hast not a cross to bless thy selfwithal.
C. Bless my self with a cross ! O popery ! popery !
O. Thou goose! men of sense mind not words, but the drift of ones discourse, to see what it taft/i to. Here I
have made some body a witch, a Proserpina. And have
I not pointed fairly at whom I mean? and observe how ^we all strike together, and act in concert, that it may have
The REHEARSAL.
55 have the greater force. Our Review was upon the fame point of the diamond neck-lace, the next day it came
out after my Observator. He calls it diamond, la Ju bilee neck-lace.
C. What is that jubilee ?
O. That is popery. The diamond shews whose it was. And thejubilee, to what end. Thus we help one an
other
becirsal, we were one and all together, Review, Observa- tor, and Mercury upon the London Gazette. And we printed the Paris Gazette in English, and threw it among
the coffee-houses (which we never did before) to turn the news of the victory at sea to the French side. For we had
rather the French should have the viclory, than Sir George Rook, or any of these church-men. We had ra- ther compound with the French, than with them. Nay, we will take part with the French against them, if we cannot overcome them otherwise. It is not the first time that we have done it. And when detecled and fully prov'd upon us, under our own hands, have been not only pardoned, but preferred, and put into the great est offices. And we hope the queen will be as good to us, as either her sather or grand-father. And upon our
words, we will be us grateful to her, as to either of them. She is come of the forgiving-kind. Therefore let us be bold ; and set forth the great encomiums of the French king, and vindicate him, even as to the present war, as we have done in our last Tuesday's review. Let us blacken the church-party, till we talk them out of their places. We want the fleet in our hands. And we must
out with this Rook. Notwithstanding of all his victo- ries and successes, told us in the last Rehearsal at Le Hogue, the Baltick, Vigo, Gibraltar, and now at this last engage- ment.
O. We will answer nothing to any thing that they
Let them talk on. We will see who can tali loudest. Let them prove, we will aver still on. More
read our papers than theirs. In my last Saturday \Obfer- D 4 vator,
1
C. And thus last week, as I told thee in my last Re-
fay.
56
The REHEARSAL.
vatar, I have not left one doit of the honour in this last
engagement to Rook, but given it all, all to Sir Claudejlj S bevel ; with scandalous innuendoes upon J? ooif, even for
want of courage. This is to make him lay down his cem- mission for •vexation, that he can get no remedy against us, nor stop our foul mouths. And then we shall have the nictciy over this victor. And then we will clamour Sir Cloudesly into his place.
C. I dare fay Sir Cloudesly will give thee little thanks for all this brave defign. He is a man of too much ho nour to desire to raise his reputation, by the unjust de-
prc£ion of another. And he needs not any such base me thods. And he will believe, that thou hast done him ten times more injury, than to Sir George Root; as sup- posing that he will be pleased with thy vile and unjust reflections upon Sir George.
For thou must know, master, that thy tongue is no /lander, but when it commends. And I have heard people iky, what evil has such a one done, that he is
commended by the Observator ?
Now see the difserent methods of another party. For
though Sir Cloudesly is supposed by some to be a little tvhigishly inclined; chiefly because he is so set up by thee, and our scandalous club ; yet I never heard a church* man in my lise speak one word in derogation of his ho nour. Nor censure his spending a whole summer with the!
a general, it ought to be no fort of reflection upon him. For that is not in his power. And has befallen
the greatest generals in the world.
But then on the other hand, they fay, that when fre
quent •victories do wait upon a great man, who attempts hazardous undertakings; it is the devil to run him down, to leflen, blacken, and bespatter him ; only because he is not of such a party. And for that only reason, to have him exposed, and iuorryed to death by the beasts of the
fleet in the Mediterranean, withoutfighting, or taking any place- They fay, they doubt not but he did his
duty.