Such is Gerber's story of one of the crucial
passages
in the life
of Otto Weininger.
of Otto Weininger.
Weininger - 1946 - Mind and Death of a Genius
.
.
.
"Shortly before that night I had had several times the same
vision that Goethe must have had, to judge from Faust. I saw
a black dog which sometimes seemed as if he were followed by
a fiery light. . . . "
In this account we can discover the signs of his change of
mood, which seems to have been more and more colored by
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? Edge of Fear 89
terror, though in writing of his experience he did not use that
word at all. Apparently--if we accept the evidence of a postcard
written in Munich on July 29, 1902--in his earlier experience
his fear had not gone so far as to concern his very self, even if a
struggle had begun within him. Yet his statement that at the
same moment he had the conviction that someone was dying
somewhere bears out the suspicion that already the fear of
death was dawning in him. The consciousness of fear increased
and grew to terror. It is significant that Weininger later in his
essay "Science and Culture" said not only that "terror is always
the feeling of lifelessness" but also that "one can be afraid only
of life" (U. L. D. , p. 146). As it gradually became clear that the
fight between his cravings and his moral ideas was turning into
a fight for his own life, his terror became definite and quite ra-
tionalized. This terror of death mounted to the night of ma-
cabre experience when he bit furiously at the sheet "like a dying
man. "
When Otto returned to Vienna in September, 1902, instead
of being a fresh, rested man, rejoicing in mental harmony and
ready to start work with new energy, he was depressed, restless,
and full of doubt. This fact in itself is of no great significance.
A man of great mental energy who is deeply engaged in work-
ing on problems will always to a certain extent show restlessness
and discontent. At that time he was making notes and working
on the first sketch of his book Sex and Character. In a letter
to Gerber on October 18, he said: "I should like to see you be-
fore Sunday, as soon as possible. Perhaps I shall call on you
Tuesday at five. The subject: the division of women into moth-
ers and prostitutes" (Taschenbuch, p. 90). That he was work-
ing on his book is also apparent from letters he wrote earlier on
his trip. Yet this fact does not explain his whole mental state.
The restlessness seemed to be altogether on the surface, cover-
ing deep-seated emotional conflicts and the feeling of a lack of
happiness. The result was a mood of depression and discourage-
ment.
Out of this dark gloom came his erratic behavior on Novem-
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? 90 Edge of Fear
ber 20, 1902. Gerber relates: "In the early afternoon of No-
vember 20, Otto's father came to tell me that the day before
Otto had been to his home and had said goodbye to his family
in such a heartfelt and serious manner that there was reason to
be afraid that something might happen. I knew nothing about
it" (Taschenbuch, p. 16).
What happened in the interval between October 18, when
he wrote the letter about his work, and November 20, when his
father reported that he had been home bidding his family
goodbye, we do not know, though Gerber does state that he saw
Otto on the afternoon of November 18 and noticed nothing
peculiar about him. If Gerber was right in saying that Otto was
quite as usual that day, it seems to the outsider that the change
in him must have come quite suddenly. This is certainly the
impression given by Gerber when he goes on to say: "At that
time of day my friend was in Heiligenstadt, where he was teach-
ing. I hurried out there and waited for him outside in the street.
It was a long time before he finally appeared. He came out of
the house at a slow, solemn tempo. The concentrated strength
in his facial expression had given way to a desperate exhaustion
and dejection, something never previously present. His face was
ravaged, worn out, sinister, and serious. In the tone of his voice
I could hear a grave and silent pain. I had not thought that his
condition could be so bad as that. We had been together the
evening and afternoon of the eighteenth, and there had been no
hint of this fundamental change in him. When I asked him why
he felt so obviously ill, he answered in a deprecatory way: 'I
might at least get rid of my uncomfortable feeling by confiding
in someone. ' The abrupt, monosyllabic phrases apparently re-
sulted in temporary relief. "
A change had taken place in Weininger. He felt, however,
that he might purge his mind if he were able to unburden him-
self. The phrase "an uncomfortable feeling" is particularly
characteristic of his condition on that day and during the whole
of that period; it sums up his misery, joylessness, and the feeling
that life was a burden to him.
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? Edge of Fear 91
Gerber goes on with his story by saying: "We took the street-
car to his lodgings, which were in Gersthof. It was a gloomy,
stormy day. Although he wore his overcoat, he still felt cold. To
my anxious question about him he answered by saying, 'In me
is the chill of the grave! ' He said this quite slowly and with an
emphatic stress so that every word cut into my heart. It was
quite clear to me that he could not be left alone while in that
condition. When we reached his room, he said, There is al-
ready a smell of corpse here, isn't there? ' The room gave the
impression of not having had fresh air for several days. I asked
him to come and spend the evening with me. It was under those
circumstances that I told him the news that I had seen in the
morning paper, which later proved to be false--that Knut
Hamsun, to whom he felt much attached, whose books he
owned, and whose Pan he had called the greatest book in the
world, had shot himself. Otto winced, looked disturbed, and
said, 'He, too, then! ' He was even more silent now, refused to
leave his room and go with me, and his conversation consisted
only of hints which he perhaps thought I would not understand.
But those hints left no doubt as to his condition.
"It was getting dark. When I asked him to turn on the light,
he groaned as if he were being choked by an intolerable pain,
'No, no light! ' And then he repeated it, stressing each syllable
so that it was not hard to guess his thoughts, 'No light! ' . . .
"In that painful hour, when it was a question of saving or
losing my most precious friend, it was clear to me that only one
thing would be of any help--unflinching energy. Instinctively
I asked him, 'Do you have a weapon here? ' He was silent. I re-
peated the question. No answer. Then I pleaded with him and
begged him to give me his weapon.
"We had never spoken an angry word to each other. But now,
when I was trembling with sorrow and anxiety, now for the
first time in his life he shouted at me as if I were his enemy,
1 'You have no right to take away from me my own will. ' He had
jumped up and stood directly in front of me. Painful as the
moment was for both of us, it was necessary for me to remain
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? 92 Edge of Fear
uncompromisingly firm in order not to lose everything. I threat-
ened him and said that I would search for the weapon myself if
he did not give it to me willingly. Then he answered, a little
subdued: 'I have no weapon. ' Shortly afterward he said that he
was ready to go with me and to spend the night with me.
"When we arrived there it was nearly eight o'clock. He com-
plained of the cold and sat down by the stove. When supper
was served, he refused to eat a bite. All urging that he eat some-
thing was in vain. Although the windows were closed and the
stove so hot that the heat in the room was intolerable, he kept
his overcoat on, put more coal on the fire constantly, and moved
closer to it. Finally, after several hours, I succeeded-in making
him eat a little. We were now seated facing each other. His
expression seemed a bit easier. For a short while it seemed as if
everything was as it used to be, as if the future were full of hope
for both of us. But when a little time had passed his face once
more became painfully serious. The crisis was not yet over. To
be able to meet the danger, I had to discover what had brought
him into this mood. He confessed that he wanted to kill him-
self, but he refused to give any reason.
"In the hours that followed there was between us a struggle
of wills and energies. From me: 'I must know! You must tell
me! I cannot lose you this way! ' And from him always the same
sullen answer: 'I cannot tell you! Not even you! ' What we suf-
fered through that night, which I can remember only with hor-
ror, is something I am incapable of describing. Finally, long
,past midnight, he gave in. He rose very solemnly and said with
a voice as sinister, as icy cold, as desperate, and without hope as
I have ever heard from a human being: 'I know that I am a born
criminal. I am a born murderer! '
"My first thought was that this noble, rich, and pure mind
was overturned. That he, who could not pass a worm or an in-
sect on the road without stopping to take it to safety, this good,
this sacred man, was harboring such sinister ideas in his soul!
He must be mad, he must have gone insane. That was the only
possibility.
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? Edge of Fear 93
"Once he began it was easier for him to talk: 'I spent a night
in a hotel room in Munich once. I could not sleep. Then I heard
a barking dog. I have never heard a dog bark in such a terrifying
way. It must have been a black dog. It was the evil spirit. I
fought with it, I fought with it for my soul. In sheer terror I bit
the sheets to shreds that night. Since that time I have known
that I am a murderer. That is why I must kill myself! '
"Otto Weininger--the good, the noble Weininger--speak-
ing such words!
"I don't know how I answered him. I only know that I talked
to him for a long time, that I defended the 'murderer' that
night, and defended him with sincerity because I did not believe
in his guilt. I do know that I begged and pleaded for his life,
and that I always heard the same reply: 'You cannot persuade
me! You cannot force me! Let me alone! It must be! It must be!
I cannot go on living! ' " (Taschenbuch, pp. 18-20. )
Though the struggle went on, it is clear that Weininger's
emotions had reached a climax. Gerber's earlier description of
Otto's actions--his speech with its strange, remote stresses, his
closed, introvert attitude, his ice-cold words, "In me is the chill
of the grave"--shows that Weininger was in a psychotic condi-
tion. The macabre incident, ending after midnight with Otto
avowing that he was a born criminal, a born murderer, demon-
strated the extent of his self-accusation and self-reproach. Such
self-abasement is a comm^n_Sj^rn? tojnof^mental disturbance.
It had deep roots in Weininger. The conflicting torces~irrhis
mind were steadily more accentuated on that night until with
the declaration that he was a born criminal, a born murderer,
his guilt feelings reached a peak of intensity.
Gerber ends his story: "When I asked if his intention had
been directed against any definite person, he gave no clear an-
swer. It was soon dawn. The lamp had gone out. I felt exhausted
and discouraged because my efforts had been unsuccessful. I
had spent all my energy; his will had been the stronger.
"In my great fear of losing my friend and with the vague feel-
ing that I was leaving him forever, I said a few words with my
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? 94 Edge of Fear
last, decisive strength. I wept, and my sentiment had effect
where my words had availed nothing. He put his hand on my
forehead, and there were tears in his eyes. In an extremely sol-
emn tone he said, 'I thank you. ' He would go on living, but I
must be silent. He needed peace and must be left alone.
"It was full daylight when he left me.
"We never mentioned this night to each other again"
(Taschenbuch, pp. 20-21).
Such is Gerber's story of one of the crucial passages in the life
of Otto Weininger. We must then ask, How accurate is the
account? An answer cannot be given readily. It has not been
possible to find out whether or not Gerber noted down the
events in his diary at the time. If he did record Weininger's
words soon after they were spoken on that November night of
1902, we might accept them without question. Yet Gerber's
book was not published until 1919, sixteen years after Wei-
ninger's death and seventeen years after the episode mentioned
here. The fact that Gerber and Ewald deciphered Weininger's
stenographic notes after his death may possibly have affected
the account.
There is some doubt as to whether Gerber could have remem-
bered the conversation with Weininger in completely accurate
detail. On the other hand, we cannot assume that his descrip-
tion of that exciting occurrence was pure imagination. One bit
of evidence supports the theory that he wrote down his mem-
ories of Weininger shortly after Otto's death. Gerber wrote to
Strindberg, and Strindberg sent him two letters, dated October
22 and December 8, 1903, in memory of Weininger. It would
seem a natural inference that Gerber at that time wanted to
write a book about Otto shortly after his death but, for one
reason or another, did not complete the task.
At that time Gerber might well have been prompted to write
his recollections of Weininger because he found that the criti-
cism aimed at Weininger's book and the picture given of his
personality by other writers were unjust. We have also a descrip-
tion of Weininger's suicide plans from another friend. Rappa-
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? Edge of Fear 95
port wrote, "He was thinking of suicide in the fall of 1902, but
a friend was able to avert the tragedy at that time" (U. L. D. , p.
xix). In the later editions of Vber die letzten Dinge, the state-
ment was changed to read, "Even before he had finished Sex
and Character he was thinking of suicide. " Furthermore, we
have descriptions of the suicide plans from Ferdinand Probst
(Der Fall Otto Weininger, in Grenzfragen des Nerven und
Seelenlebens, Wiesbaden, 1904), who wrote his book not long
after Weininger's death. Georg Klaren (Otto Weininger, der
Mensch, sein Werk und sein Leben, Vienna, 1924) and Paul
Biro (Die Sittlichkeitsmetaphysik Otto Weiningers, Vienna,
1927) also mention the plans, but since these were written after
Gerber's account was published, they may be derived simply
from that. To be sure, Gerber was the only witness and there-
fore the only source of information, but it seems that his story
was known long before it was published.
Since the letters Otto Weininger wrote during his travels
give the impression that a catastrophe was approaching, there is
no reason for believing that the major part of Gerber's descrip-
tion of those critical days in November was untrue. The central
fact seems clear, even though the details are known only
through Gerber.
It does not follow necessarily that Gerber was fully aware of
Weininger's mental condition. If he was, it seems remarkable
that he did not, after that November day, warn the family or
move to have Weininger given psychiatric treatment and per-
haps sent to a hospital. Possibly he did not because he was keep-
ing his promise not to mention the affair to anyone, or because
Weininger had such power over him that he did not dare to
speak.
The other possibility is that Gerber did not quite understand
the gravity of the matter. This seems less likely in view of his
early grasp of the situation. He wrote, "Those hints left no
doubt as to his condition. " Weininger's words show that he was
returning to things he had had in his mind for a long time. Yet
the hints seem to have been rather stereotyped. It is common
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? 96 Edge of Fear
in certain acute psychotic cases for the sufferer to take words
and sentences out of their context, and Weininger seems to
have followed this course; he talked only in hints which he
thought Gerber would not understand--which he himself may
not have recognized fully. Yet Gerber understood that Otto's
will to live was so weak that only great effort could make him
give up his purpose. His friend realized how serious the situa-
tion was, for he decided that Weininger was in such condition
that he should not be left alone.
Since he realized this and knew very well how strong were
Otto's feelings about Hamsun, it is strange that he repeated the
false news of Hamsun's suicide. Knowledge of the reported sui-
cide had, as might have been expected, a shocking effect on
Otto. It is, of course, possible that Gerber thought it would be
better for Otto to get the news through him than in a more
harmful way through reading the story in the newspapers. On
the other hand, it is possible that he told Weininger about it
without considering the matter carefully. If so, there is some
reason for us to ask whether Gerber really did understand Otto's
condition.
It is interesting to note the discrepancy between Gerber's ac-
count and Weininger's own account of the experience of the
barking dog. Otto himself, in the passage quoted earlier, tells
of two occasions when he heard a dog barking "in a peculiar,
penetrating way": the first was at Munich in a late afternoon
of July and did not awaken deep fear in him; the second was
"months later," at night and presumably in Vienna, and caused
him to react with terror. When he talked to Gerber, the two
incidents were fused into one, and Weininger told of biting the
sheets "in sheer terror," dating the occurrence in July and plac-
ing it in Munich. We are left with the impression that what
Weininger was actually describing to Gerber was not an event
that took place in Munich in July, but more probably an ex-
perience that had taken place just a few nights before Novem-
ber 20, possibly on November 19. It seems that a displacement
had occurred in his mind, that he was trying to push the terrible
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? Edge of Fear 97
experience as far as possible out of his mind. A like fusion of
thought can be seen in the use of the words "mental and phys-
ical death. "
Weininger had thus advanced from vague fear to rationalized
terror. If we remember that he always used introspection as an
instrument of psychotherapy, we may guess how he progressed
in the summer and autumn of 1902. His terror became clearer
and clearer, and we may believe that out of necessity he grad-
ually filled it with rationalistic content. He probably was apply-
ing his own brand of psychotherapy, which he mentioned over
and over again (especially in the last months of his life). "The
only thing is psychotherapy," he wrote, "but not imperfect ex-
ternal psychotherapy as we know it today, in which the outside
will of a suggester must produce its effect; not the heteronomic,
but the autonomic, hygiene and therapy, in which everyone is
his own diagnostician and thus at the same time a therapist.
Everyone must cure himself and be his own physician. If he
does, then God will help him; if he does not, nobody will help
him" (Taschenbuch, p. 28).
He knew that to understand his own mental state he had to
be his own diagnostician, and we may take it that he tried to
find out about his own terror. He did on the night when his fear
took its final shape--fear for his own life. The conclusion seems
unavoidable that he, through his psychotherapy, increased the
fear. He tried to supply it with a content more rationalized than
it needed to be.
This conclusion is strengthened when we recognize the un-
bending consistency with which he applied introspection. He
apparently believed that through it he could accomplish self-
control. When in August, 1903, he wrote down an appreciation
of his own gifts, he was so sure of himself that he could say: "I
believe that my gifts are such that in some way I can solve all
problems. I do not think that I could ever be wrong for any
considerable length of time. I believe that I have deserved the
name Messiah (Redeemer) because I have this nature" (Ta-
schenbuch, p. 28). Before he could arrive at this conviction, he
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? g8 Edge of Fear
must, however, have passed the stage where he came to the be-
lief that he could control all his gifts and make them fruitful in
solving all human problems. It seems probable that he did
come to this belief. After the November night of 1902 it seems
that he was beginning to master his own mental state. His faith
in psychotherapy therefore persisted. In Italy in the summer of
1903 we find him writing these words (U. L. D. , p. 130), which
must have grown from his own experience: "Perhaps disease is
always a form of poisoning. The soul does not have the courage
to become conscious of the poison and make it harmless in the
struggle. That is why it is still at work in the body. " Even if it is
dangerous to read this statement as general enough to include
all the mental torture that he suffered, it still sheds light on his
conscious effort to learn about his fear.
The terror of dying does not, however, seem to have been
built entirely by Weininger's conscious efforts. It was a product
of his mental conflicts and rose when the mental opposites in
his personality became so extreme that he forced ethical con-
siderations into every trifle. This condition resulted from his
moral uncertainty. It is clear that his moral attitude did not ex-
press his true personality, since he always had to fight in order
to maintain it. The tension and struggle bred despair. As Swo-
boda says: "Many of his statements are no doubt quite depress-
ing, but only because, disguised as realization of emotions, they
picture a soul in mortal despair. The shivering cold which one
sometimes meets in Sex and Character comes not from truth
but from the suicidal mood in which those pages were written
and which the reader cannot help feeling" (Swoboda, p. 30).
When we put all the features we now know of Otto's mental
development from the autumn of 1901 to November, 1902, into
one picture, it becomes obvious that he gave clear signs of moral
affects which had their roots in the summer of 1900 and first
appeared in an outward, critical way around July, 1902. Then it
became clear to him that he must live in accord with his moral
principles--a conviction that resulted from his great mental
conflicts, which at that time sometimes appeared to show a split
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? Edge of Fear 99
in his personality. By righting steadfastly and under great men-
tal strain for moral harmony, he arrived at the point where he
felt keenly every small demand, and he found that all the de-
mands when put together were too overwhelming to be ful-
filled. A disarrangement took place; his inner structure changed.
But this determination was an aspect of his personality that
never fell back to his former mode of life. The unique, fighting
moral attitude stayed with him and grew.
Typical of his belief that absolute demands were being made
upon him are the following words from Vber die letzten Dinge
(p. 60): "A man lives until he goes into the absolute or into
nothing. . . . He is free to choose his future life. His life goes
to ruin or is a preparation for eternity. " Here is a religious touch
not unlike that seen in Ibsen's Brand. 5 Just as Ibsen demanded
that one should live life to the full extent of the self without
compromise, so did Weininger also have his conception of ab-
solute values. 8
Contrary to this was the fear that he might not live up to
these ethical demands--the fear that, because he was full of sin,
he must atone with his life. Once more we find a change in his
personality, a displacement.
In broad outline, we may say that two oblique lines appeared
in the original structure of Weininger's personality make-up.
In the year 1902 something new entered. The schizoid or
schizophrenic individual shows (and this seems to have been
the case with Weininger) that some definitive event has oc-
s "The specific way which Ibsen chose to solve the disharmony may seem
conventional. As Solveig laboriously works her way through the shadows, she
seems like a saving angel created just for the moment. But when she speaks,
it is the sorrow of life itself that speaks, and in her comfort is found the same
attitude that faith takes toward the religious problem of existence" (Anathon
Aall, "Peer Gynt, som libsbillede og som dikting" in Samtiden, 1921, p. 235).
6 That Ibsen was at a very early period discussing the decisive attitude of man
to the demanding necessity of action may be seen in the words he wrote to
Clemens Petersen from Rome, March 9, 1867: "But that one pace forward . . .
is just this: there can be no more question of 'I will' but only of 'I must'; you
have helped me across a terrifying precipice, and I am grateful and will always
be grateful to you for it" (Halvdan Koht, "Breve fra Henrik Ibsen" in Samtiden,
1908, p. 91). See also Werner Moring, Ibsen und Kierkegaard, Palaestra 160
(Leipzig, 1928), pp. 54, 55, 90.
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? 100
Edge of Fear
curred at one time or another in his life and that this agent has
worked to cause further reactions. Weininger's original per-
sonality during the spring and summer of 1902 went through a
change which was not only permanent but progressive. The im-
portant point is that once the change in the structure of his
personality make-up took place it did not disappear, but re-
mained until a new change took place, according to the pattern
characteristic of schizophrenic cases.
The basic conflict was the psychological expression of deep-
seated difficulties in Weininger. Through the fear he revealed
in this period we can see the basic traits in his personality: his
narcissistic self-protection and self-devoted defense, neurotic in
type. The importance he attributed to this fear must be taken
as a schizophrenic symptom.
The moral struggle in Weininger, then, resulted in morbid
manifestations, which were at first short and violent, but later,
while maintaining their intensity, assumed longer duration, and
finally became constant. This struggle called forth feelings of
abasement, shame, and unworthiness, accompanied by a strong
sense of guilt. The morbid reactions he displayed were acute
motor discharges, sometimes taking the form of fear and anx-
ieties, and sometimes the form of a blind fury against himself,
which reached a temporary climax in his openly confessed sui-
cide plans.
Weininger's bellicose moral attitude developed further and
further in this period until it finally took the form of an asocial
ethic. With the development of social asceticism, which he later
professed, this ethic became self-denying and annihilating. In
his struggle the feeling of guilt was the starting point of the
crisis, the overcoming of that feeling was the content. It in-
volved the contest between his mental extremes. 7
7 The moral hypertrophy--the opposite of moral insanity--which characterized
Weininger's attitude in respect both to his rigorous ethical demands and to the
requirements he stated as an individualist is probably suggestive of a certain
differential schizoid disposition. See Hermann Hoffmann, Vererbung und Seelen-
leben: Einfilhrung in die psychiatrische Konstitutions- und Vererbungslehre
(Berlin, 1922), p. 219.
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? Edge of Fear 101
The story of Weininger's reaction to the sound of a dog bark-
ing in the night shows that he must have suffered an hallucina-
tion. If we take it that he really did hear a dog bark, he must
have had a particularly vivid and impressionistic experience--a
pseudo hallucination--suited to the situation. Such an occur-
rence is quite possible. It often happens that a patient suffer-
ing from an acute psychosis has hallucinatory and pseudo-
hallucinatory deceptions in a confused mixture. And, quite
apart from the incident of that night, Weininger, according to
his own writings, had other experiences that can scarcely be
taken as anything but visionary hallucinations.
If we try to decide what specific type of hallucination he had,
we must note that Weininger seemed to hear imaginary voices
"commanding" him ("I am a born criminal, a born mur-
derer"), and the evidence indicates a definitely psychotic phe-
nomenon. We must remember that hallucinations as such are
not a sort of schizophrenia. Weininger doubted his real experi-
ences and his real thoughts rather than his misinterpretations
and was led to the idea that he must kill himself (imperative
hallucinations). His self-deceptions make it possible for us to
interpret his disturbance as hallucinatory disturbance. In addi-
tion, there appears to be a memory component; the displace-
ment of the events of a November night to July, 1902, resulted
apparently in loss of memory of the correct date. We may
therefore maintain that his disturbances were both hallucina-
tory and mnemonic. Though the incident of the barking dog
was well preserved in his memory, he related it incorrectly, be-
cause the reproduction of what he experienced at one definite
moment was disturbed. The incident was painful, and he sub-
merged it by distorting it. We may surmise that it was not his
memory itself that was disturbed, but rather his capacity for
associative reproduction of something remembered.
"Shortly before that night I had had several times the same
vision that Goethe must have had, to judge from Faust. I saw
a black dog which sometimes seemed as if he were followed by
a fiery light. . . . "
In this account we can discover the signs of his change of
mood, which seems to have been more and more colored by
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? Edge of Fear 89
terror, though in writing of his experience he did not use that
word at all. Apparently--if we accept the evidence of a postcard
written in Munich on July 29, 1902--in his earlier experience
his fear had not gone so far as to concern his very self, even if a
struggle had begun within him. Yet his statement that at the
same moment he had the conviction that someone was dying
somewhere bears out the suspicion that already the fear of
death was dawning in him. The consciousness of fear increased
and grew to terror. It is significant that Weininger later in his
essay "Science and Culture" said not only that "terror is always
the feeling of lifelessness" but also that "one can be afraid only
of life" (U. L. D. , p. 146). As it gradually became clear that the
fight between his cravings and his moral ideas was turning into
a fight for his own life, his terror became definite and quite ra-
tionalized. This terror of death mounted to the night of ma-
cabre experience when he bit furiously at the sheet "like a dying
man. "
When Otto returned to Vienna in September, 1902, instead
of being a fresh, rested man, rejoicing in mental harmony and
ready to start work with new energy, he was depressed, restless,
and full of doubt. This fact in itself is of no great significance.
A man of great mental energy who is deeply engaged in work-
ing on problems will always to a certain extent show restlessness
and discontent. At that time he was making notes and working
on the first sketch of his book Sex and Character. In a letter
to Gerber on October 18, he said: "I should like to see you be-
fore Sunday, as soon as possible. Perhaps I shall call on you
Tuesday at five. The subject: the division of women into moth-
ers and prostitutes" (Taschenbuch, p. 90). That he was work-
ing on his book is also apparent from letters he wrote earlier on
his trip. Yet this fact does not explain his whole mental state.
The restlessness seemed to be altogether on the surface, cover-
ing deep-seated emotional conflicts and the feeling of a lack of
happiness. The result was a mood of depression and discourage-
ment.
Out of this dark gloom came his erratic behavior on Novem-
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? 90 Edge of Fear
ber 20, 1902. Gerber relates: "In the early afternoon of No-
vember 20, Otto's father came to tell me that the day before
Otto had been to his home and had said goodbye to his family
in such a heartfelt and serious manner that there was reason to
be afraid that something might happen. I knew nothing about
it" (Taschenbuch, p. 16).
What happened in the interval between October 18, when
he wrote the letter about his work, and November 20, when his
father reported that he had been home bidding his family
goodbye, we do not know, though Gerber does state that he saw
Otto on the afternoon of November 18 and noticed nothing
peculiar about him. If Gerber was right in saying that Otto was
quite as usual that day, it seems to the outsider that the change
in him must have come quite suddenly. This is certainly the
impression given by Gerber when he goes on to say: "At that
time of day my friend was in Heiligenstadt, where he was teach-
ing. I hurried out there and waited for him outside in the street.
It was a long time before he finally appeared. He came out of
the house at a slow, solemn tempo. The concentrated strength
in his facial expression had given way to a desperate exhaustion
and dejection, something never previously present. His face was
ravaged, worn out, sinister, and serious. In the tone of his voice
I could hear a grave and silent pain. I had not thought that his
condition could be so bad as that. We had been together the
evening and afternoon of the eighteenth, and there had been no
hint of this fundamental change in him. When I asked him why
he felt so obviously ill, he answered in a deprecatory way: 'I
might at least get rid of my uncomfortable feeling by confiding
in someone. ' The abrupt, monosyllabic phrases apparently re-
sulted in temporary relief. "
A change had taken place in Weininger. He felt, however,
that he might purge his mind if he were able to unburden him-
self. The phrase "an uncomfortable feeling" is particularly
characteristic of his condition on that day and during the whole
of that period; it sums up his misery, joylessness, and the feeling
that life was a burden to him.
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? Edge of Fear 91
Gerber goes on with his story by saying: "We took the street-
car to his lodgings, which were in Gersthof. It was a gloomy,
stormy day. Although he wore his overcoat, he still felt cold. To
my anxious question about him he answered by saying, 'In me
is the chill of the grave! ' He said this quite slowly and with an
emphatic stress so that every word cut into my heart. It was
quite clear to me that he could not be left alone while in that
condition. When we reached his room, he said, There is al-
ready a smell of corpse here, isn't there? ' The room gave the
impression of not having had fresh air for several days. I asked
him to come and spend the evening with me. It was under those
circumstances that I told him the news that I had seen in the
morning paper, which later proved to be false--that Knut
Hamsun, to whom he felt much attached, whose books he
owned, and whose Pan he had called the greatest book in the
world, had shot himself. Otto winced, looked disturbed, and
said, 'He, too, then! ' He was even more silent now, refused to
leave his room and go with me, and his conversation consisted
only of hints which he perhaps thought I would not understand.
But those hints left no doubt as to his condition.
"It was getting dark. When I asked him to turn on the light,
he groaned as if he were being choked by an intolerable pain,
'No, no light! ' And then he repeated it, stressing each syllable
so that it was not hard to guess his thoughts, 'No light! ' . . .
"In that painful hour, when it was a question of saving or
losing my most precious friend, it was clear to me that only one
thing would be of any help--unflinching energy. Instinctively
I asked him, 'Do you have a weapon here? ' He was silent. I re-
peated the question. No answer. Then I pleaded with him and
begged him to give me his weapon.
"We had never spoken an angry word to each other. But now,
when I was trembling with sorrow and anxiety, now for the
first time in his life he shouted at me as if I were his enemy,
1 'You have no right to take away from me my own will. ' He had
jumped up and stood directly in front of me. Painful as the
moment was for both of us, it was necessary for me to remain
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? 92 Edge of Fear
uncompromisingly firm in order not to lose everything. I threat-
ened him and said that I would search for the weapon myself if
he did not give it to me willingly. Then he answered, a little
subdued: 'I have no weapon. ' Shortly afterward he said that he
was ready to go with me and to spend the night with me.
"When we arrived there it was nearly eight o'clock. He com-
plained of the cold and sat down by the stove. When supper
was served, he refused to eat a bite. All urging that he eat some-
thing was in vain. Although the windows were closed and the
stove so hot that the heat in the room was intolerable, he kept
his overcoat on, put more coal on the fire constantly, and moved
closer to it. Finally, after several hours, I succeeded-in making
him eat a little. We were now seated facing each other. His
expression seemed a bit easier. For a short while it seemed as if
everything was as it used to be, as if the future were full of hope
for both of us. But when a little time had passed his face once
more became painfully serious. The crisis was not yet over. To
be able to meet the danger, I had to discover what had brought
him into this mood. He confessed that he wanted to kill him-
self, but he refused to give any reason.
"In the hours that followed there was between us a struggle
of wills and energies. From me: 'I must know! You must tell
me! I cannot lose you this way! ' And from him always the same
sullen answer: 'I cannot tell you! Not even you! ' What we suf-
fered through that night, which I can remember only with hor-
ror, is something I am incapable of describing. Finally, long
,past midnight, he gave in. He rose very solemnly and said with
a voice as sinister, as icy cold, as desperate, and without hope as
I have ever heard from a human being: 'I know that I am a born
criminal. I am a born murderer! '
"My first thought was that this noble, rich, and pure mind
was overturned. That he, who could not pass a worm or an in-
sect on the road without stopping to take it to safety, this good,
this sacred man, was harboring such sinister ideas in his soul!
He must be mad, he must have gone insane. That was the only
possibility.
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? Edge of Fear 93
"Once he began it was easier for him to talk: 'I spent a night
in a hotel room in Munich once. I could not sleep. Then I heard
a barking dog. I have never heard a dog bark in such a terrifying
way. It must have been a black dog. It was the evil spirit. I
fought with it, I fought with it for my soul. In sheer terror I bit
the sheets to shreds that night. Since that time I have known
that I am a murderer. That is why I must kill myself! '
"Otto Weininger--the good, the noble Weininger--speak-
ing such words!
"I don't know how I answered him. I only know that I talked
to him for a long time, that I defended the 'murderer' that
night, and defended him with sincerity because I did not believe
in his guilt. I do know that I begged and pleaded for his life,
and that I always heard the same reply: 'You cannot persuade
me! You cannot force me! Let me alone! It must be! It must be!
I cannot go on living! ' " (Taschenbuch, pp. 18-20. )
Though the struggle went on, it is clear that Weininger's
emotions had reached a climax. Gerber's earlier description of
Otto's actions--his speech with its strange, remote stresses, his
closed, introvert attitude, his ice-cold words, "In me is the chill
of the grave"--shows that Weininger was in a psychotic condi-
tion. The macabre incident, ending after midnight with Otto
avowing that he was a born criminal, a born murderer, demon-
strated the extent of his self-accusation and self-reproach. Such
self-abasement is a comm^n_Sj^rn? tojnof^mental disturbance.
It had deep roots in Weininger. The conflicting torces~irrhis
mind were steadily more accentuated on that night until with
the declaration that he was a born criminal, a born murderer,
his guilt feelings reached a peak of intensity.
Gerber ends his story: "When I asked if his intention had
been directed against any definite person, he gave no clear an-
swer. It was soon dawn. The lamp had gone out. I felt exhausted
and discouraged because my efforts had been unsuccessful. I
had spent all my energy; his will had been the stronger.
"In my great fear of losing my friend and with the vague feel-
ing that I was leaving him forever, I said a few words with my
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? 94 Edge of Fear
last, decisive strength. I wept, and my sentiment had effect
where my words had availed nothing. He put his hand on my
forehead, and there were tears in his eyes. In an extremely sol-
emn tone he said, 'I thank you. ' He would go on living, but I
must be silent. He needed peace and must be left alone.
"It was full daylight when he left me.
"We never mentioned this night to each other again"
(Taschenbuch, pp. 20-21).
Such is Gerber's story of one of the crucial passages in the life
of Otto Weininger. We must then ask, How accurate is the
account? An answer cannot be given readily. It has not been
possible to find out whether or not Gerber noted down the
events in his diary at the time. If he did record Weininger's
words soon after they were spoken on that November night of
1902, we might accept them without question. Yet Gerber's
book was not published until 1919, sixteen years after Wei-
ninger's death and seventeen years after the episode mentioned
here. The fact that Gerber and Ewald deciphered Weininger's
stenographic notes after his death may possibly have affected
the account.
There is some doubt as to whether Gerber could have remem-
bered the conversation with Weininger in completely accurate
detail. On the other hand, we cannot assume that his descrip-
tion of that exciting occurrence was pure imagination. One bit
of evidence supports the theory that he wrote down his mem-
ories of Weininger shortly after Otto's death. Gerber wrote to
Strindberg, and Strindberg sent him two letters, dated October
22 and December 8, 1903, in memory of Weininger. It would
seem a natural inference that Gerber at that time wanted to
write a book about Otto shortly after his death but, for one
reason or another, did not complete the task.
At that time Gerber might well have been prompted to write
his recollections of Weininger because he found that the criti-
cism aimed at Weininger's book and the picture given of his
personality by other writers were unjust. We have also a descrip-
tion of Weininger's suicide plans from another friend. Rappa-
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? Edge of Fear 95
port wrote, "He was thinking of suicide in the fall of 1902, but
a friend was able to avert the tragedy at that time" (U. L. D. , p.
xix). In the later editions of Vber die letzten Dinge, the state-
ment was changed to read, "Even before he had finished Sex
and Character he was thinking of suicide. " Furthermore, we
have descriptions of the suicide plans from Ferdinand Probst
(Der Fall Otto Weininger, in Grenzfragen des Nerven und
Seelenlebens, Wiesbaden, 1904), who wrote his book not long
after Weininger's death. Georg Klaren (Otto Weininger, der
Mensch, sein Werk und sein Leben, Vienna, 1924) and Paul
Biro (Die Sittlichkeitsmetaphysik Otto Weiningers, Vienna,
1927) also mention the plans, but since these were written after
Gerber's account was published, they may be derived simply
from that. To be sure, Gerber was the only witness and there-
fore the only source of information, but it seems that his story
was known long before it was published.
Since the letters Otto Weininger wrote during his travels
give the impression that a catastrophe was approaching, there is
no reason for believing that the major part of Gerber's descrip-
tion of those critical days in November was untrue. The central
fact seems clear, even though the details are known only
through Gerber.
It does not follow necessarily that Gerber was fully aware of
Weininger's mental condition. If he was, it seems remarkable
that he did not, after that November day, warn the family or
move to have Weininger given psychiatric treatment and per-
haps sent to a hospital. Possibly he did not because he was keep-
ing his promise not to mention the affair to anyone, or because
Weininger had such power over him that he did not dare to
speak.
The other possibility is that Gerber did not quite understand
the gravity of the matter. This seems less likely in view of his
early grasp of the situation. He wrote, "Those hints left no
doubt as to his condition. " Weininger's words show that he was
returning to things he had had in his mind for a long time. Yet
the hints seem to have been rather stereotyped. It is common
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? 96 Edge of Fear
in certain acute psychotic cases for the sufferer to take words
and sentences out of their context, and Weininger seems to
have followed this course; he talked only in hints which he
thought Gerber would not understand--which he himself may
not have recognized fully. Yet Gerber understood that Otto's
will to live was so weak that only great effort could make him
give up his purpose. His friend realized how serious the situa-
tion was, for he decided that Weininger was in such condition
that he should not be left alone.
Since he realized this and knew very well how strong were
Otto's feelings about Hamsun, it is strange that he repeated the
false news of Hamsun's suicide. Knowledge of the reported sui-
cide had, as might have been expected, a shocking effect on
Otto. It is, of course, possible that Gerber thought it would be
better for Otto to get the news through him than in a more
harmful way through reading the story in the newspapers. On
the other hand, it is possible that he told Weininger about it
without considering the matter carefully. If so, there is some
reason for us to ask whether Gerber really did understand Otto's
condition.
It is interesting to note the discrepancy between Gerber's ac-
count and Weininger's own account of the experience of the
barking dog. Otto himself, in the passage quoted earlier, tells
of two occasions when he heard a dog barking "in a peculiar,
penetrating way": the first was at Munich in a late afternoon
of July and did not awaken deep fear in him; the second was
"months later," at night and presumably in Vienna, and caused
him to react with terror. When he talked to Gerber, the two
incidents were fused into one, and Weininger told of biting the
sheets "in sheer terror," dating the occurrence in July and plac-
ing it in Munich. We are left with the impression that what
Weininger was actually describing to Gerber was not an event
that took place in Munich in July, but more probably an ex-
perience that had taken place just a few nights before Novem-
ber 20, possibly on November 19. It seems that a displacement
had occurred in his mind, that he was trying to push the terrible
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? Edge of Fear 97
experience as far as possible out of his mind. A like fusion of
thought can be seen in the use of the words "mental and phys-
ical death. "
Weininger had thus advanced from vague fear to rationalized
terror. If we remember that he always used introspection as an
instrument of psychotherapy, we may guess how he progressed
in the summer and autumn of 1902. His terror became clearer
and clearer, and we may believe that out of necessity he grad-
ually filled it with rationalistic content. He probably was apply-
ing his own brand of psychotherapy, which he mentioned over
and over again (especially in the last months of his life). "The
only thing is psychotherapy," he wrote, "but not imperfect ex-
ternal psychotherapy as we know it today, in which the outside
will of a suggester must produce its effect; not the heteronomic,
but the autonomic, hygiene and therapy, in which everyone is
his own diagnostician and thus at the same time a therapist.
Everyone must cure himself and be his own physician. If he
does, then God will help him; if he does not, nobody will help
him" (Taschenbuch, p. 28).
He knew that to understand his own mental state he had to
be his own diagnostician, and we may take it that he tried to
find out about his own terror. He did on the night when his fear
took its final shape--fear for his own life. The conclusion seems
unavoidable that he, through his psychotherapy, increased the
fear. He tried to supply it with a content more rationalized than
it needed to be.
This conclusion is strengthened when we recognize the un-
bending consistency with which he applied introspection. He
apparently believed that through it he could accomplish self-
control. When in August, 1903, he wrote down an appreciation
of his own gifts, he was so sure of himself that he could say: "I
believe that my gifts are such that in some way I can solve all
problems. I do not think that I could ever be wrong for any
considerable length of time. I believe that I have deserved the
name Messiah (Redeemer) because I have this nature" (Ta-
schenbuch, p. 28). Before he could arrive at this conviction, he
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? g8 Edge of Fear
must, however, have passed the stage where he came to the be-
lief that he could control all his gifts and make them fruitful in
solving all human problems. It seems probable that he did
come to this belief. After the November night of 1902 it seems
that he was beginning to master his own mental state. His faith
in psychotherapy therefore persisted. In Italy in the summer of
1903 we find him writing these words (U. L. D. , p. 130), which
must have grown from his own experience: "Perhaps disease is
always a form of poisoning. The soul does not have the courage
to become conscious of the poison and make it harmless in the
struggle. That is why it is still at work in the body. " Even if it is
dangerous to read this statement as general enough to include
all the mental torture that he suffered, it still sheds light on his
conscious effort to learn about his fear.
The terror of dying does not, however, seem to have been
built entirely by Weininger's conscious efforts. It was a product
of his mental conflicts and rose when the mental opposites in
his personality became so extreme that he forced ethical con-
siderations into every trifle. This condition resulted from his
moral uncertainty. It is clear that his moral attitude did not ex-
press his true personality, since he always had to fight in order
to maintain it. The tension and struggle bred despair. As Swo-
boda says: "Many of his statements are no doubt quite depress-
ing, but only because, disguised as realization of emotions, they
picture a soul in mortal despair. The shivering cold which one
sometimes meets in Sex and Character comes not from truth
but from the suicidal mood in which those pages were written
and which the reader cannot help feeling" (Swoboda, p. 30).
When we put all the features we now know of Otto's mental
development from the autumn of 1901 to November, 1902, into
one picture, it becomes obvious that he gave clear signs of moral
affects which had their roots in the summer of 1900 and first
appeared in an outward, critical way around July, 1902. Then it
became clear to him that he must live in accord with his moral
principles--a conviction that resulted from his great mental
conflicts, which at that time sometimes appeared to show a split
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? Edge of Fear 99
in his personality. By righting steadfastly and under great men-
tal strain for moral harmony, he arrived at the point where he
felt keenly every small demand, and he found that all the de-
mands when put together were too overwhelming to be ful-
filled. A disarrangement took place; his inner structure changed.
But this determination was an aspect of his personality that
never fell back to his former mode of life. The unique, fighting
moral attitude stayed with him and grew.
Typical of his belief that absolute demands were being made
upon him are the following words from Vber die letzten Dinge
(p. 60): "A man lives until he goes into the absolute or into
nothing. . . . He is free to choose his future life. His life goes
to ruin or is a preparation for eternity. " Here is a religious touch
not unlike that seen in Ibsen's Brand. 5 Just as Ibsen demanded
that one should live life to the full extent of the self without
compromise, so did Weininger also have his conception of ab-
solute values. 8
Contrary to this was the fear that he might not live up to
these ethical demands--the fear that, because he was full of sin,
he must atone with his life. Once more we find a change in his
personality, a displacement.
In broad outline, we may say that two oblique lines appeared
in the original structure of Weininger's personality make-up.
In the year 1902 something new entered. The schizoid or
schizophrenic individual shows (and this seems to have been
the case with Weininger) that some definitive event has oc-
s "The specific way which Ibsen chose to solve the disharmony may seem
conventional. As Solveig laboriously works her way through the shadows, she
seems like a saving angel created just for the moment. But when she speaks,
it is the sorrow of life itself that speaks, and in her comfort is found the same
attitude that faith takes toward the religious problem of existence" (Anathon
Aall, "Peer Gynt, som libsbillede og som dikting" in Samtiden, 1921, p. 235).
6 That Ibsen was at a very early period discussing the decisive attitude of man
to the demanding necessity of action may be seen in the words he wrote to
Clemens Petersen from Rome, March 9, 1867: "But that one pace forward . . .
is just this: there can be no more question of 'I will' but only of 'I must'; you
have helped me across a terrifying precipice, and I am grateful and will always
be grateful to you for it" (Halvdan Koht, "Breve fra Henrik Ibsen" in Samtiden,
1908, p. 91). See also Werner Moring, Ibsen und Kierkegaard, Palaestra 160
(Leipzig, 1928), pp. 54, 55, 90.
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? 100
Edge of Fear
curred at one time or another in his life and that this agent has
worked to cause further reactions. Weininger's original per-
sonality during the spring and summer of 1902 went through a
change which was not only permanent but progressive. The im-
portant point is that once the change in the structure of his
personality make-up took place it did not disappear, but re-
mained until a new change took place, according to the pattern
characteristic of schizophrenic cases.
The basic conflict was the psychological expression of deep-
seated difficulties in Weininger. Through the fear he revealed
in this period we can see the basic traits in his personality: his
narcissistic self-protection and self-devoted defense, neurotic in
type. The importance he attributed to this fear must be taken
as a schizophrenic symptom.
The moral struggle in Weininger, then, resulted in morbid
manifestations, which were at first short and violent, but later,
while maintaining their intensity, assumed longer duration, and
finally became constant. This struggle called forth feelings of
abasement, shame, and unworthiness, accompanied by a strong
sense of guilt. The morbid reactions he displayed were acute
motor discharges, sometimes taking the form of fear and anx-
ieties, and sometimes the form of a blind fury against himself,
which reached a temporary climax in his openly confessed sui-
cide plans.
Weininger's bellicose moral attitude developed further and
further in this period until it finally took the form of an asocial
ethic. With the development of social asceticism, which he later
professed, this ethic became self-denying and annihilating. In
his struggle the feeling of guilt was the starting point of the
crisis, the overcoming of that feeling was the content. It in-
volved the contest between his mental extremes. 7
7 The moral hypertrophy--the opposite of moral insanity--which characterized
Weininger's attitude in respect both to his rigorous ethical demands and to the
requirements he stated as an individualist is probably suggestive of a certain
differential schizoid disposition. See Hermann Hoffmann, Vererbung und Seelen-
leben: Einfilhrung in die psychiatrische Konstitutions- und Vererbungslehre
(Berlin, 1922), p. 219.
? ? Generated for (University of Chicago) on 2014-08-19 08:38 GMT / http://hdl. handle. net/2027/wu. 89038364857 Public Domain, Google-digitized / http://www. hathitrust. org/access_use#pd-google
? Edge of Fear 101
The story of Weininger's reaction to the sound of a dog bark-
ing in the night shows that he must have suffered an hallucina-
tion. If we take it that he really did hear a dog bark, he must
have had a particularly vivid and impressionistic experience--a
pseudo hallucination--suited to the situation. Such an occur-
rence is quite possible. It often happens that a patient suffer-
ing from an acute psychosis has hallucinatory and pseudo-
hallucinatory deceptions in a confused mixture. And, quite
apart from the incident of that night, Weininger, according to
his own writings, had other experiences that can scarcely be
taken as anything but visionary hallucinations.
If we try to decide what specific type of hallucination he had,
we must note that Weininger seemed to hear imaginary voices
"commanding" him ("I am a born criminal, a born mur-
derer"), and the evidence indicates a definitely psychotic phe-
nomenon. We must remember that hallucinations as such are
not a sort of schizophrenia. Weininger doubted his real experi-
ences and his real thoughts rather than his misinterpretations
and was led to the idea that he must kill himself (imperative
hallucinations). His self-deceptions make it possible for us to
interpret his disturbance as hallucinatory disturbance. In addi-
tion, there appears to be a memory component; the displace-
ment of the events of a November night to July, 1902, resulted
apparently in loss of memory of the correct date. We may
therefore maintain that his disturbances were both hallucina-
tory and mnemonic. Though the incident of the barking dog
was well preserved in his memory, he related it incorrectly, be-
cause the reproduction of what he experienced at one definite
moment was disturbed. The incident was painful, and he sub-
merged it by distorting it. We may surmise that it was not his
memory itself that was disturbed, but rather his capacity for
associative reproduction of something remembered.
