) / £ave now two members in the house of commons,
representing
my person.
Rehearsal - v1 - 1750
It was try'd before.
And
she scratch''d so devilishly, there was no en
And wishing her speedy accession, is as much treason as another. As the health about which the quarrel was at
comes
Chippenbam last Miehaelmas-dry Of which I told thee, Rehears. N. II. For thou know'st speedy accession to one, is speedy removal to another.
O. Well! if I
am born to be
often into my mind) I hope I shall have compary !
O. I cou'd not help it, man, if I shou'd be hang'd for't. ' I was put upon it. Thefaction has need ot me, present needs the parliament now beginning ; and who knows bat the occafional hill may come in again ? and the high- church get up upon us ! arirj'd with their victories this-
summer! There are notices to be given, and the word thro' the nation, upon every turn, as ore fi'm requires; may be new black lists, and so forth ! And oar people must be plyd with •warm deaths, at least three times a •week,. that they may not coot, but be ready upon zn hour & warn-- iag ! And what my neck, in comparison of all this gmi? The whole cause at stake! have s. gn'd cen-- tract ofsoul and body with legion, to pall down the church.
C. There one thing exceeding necessary, master,, that while thou hast taken upon thee the post of being
stickler between churches, and regulator of all, as well" ecclefiastical as civil affairs, thou shou'd'st fatisfy the world what religion thou thy self art of what church thou art
andwhatnot. , .
han£d (which
I of her. ring
C. Upon the whole, master, I think thou had'st as good have let alone thy thrice a week Observators, till- after thy trial ; for it is very provoking.
of,
.
;
a
I
a .
is
is'
is
a
REHEARSAL.
O. I have taken care of that, in the first volume of my Observators, N. 71. Dec. 26, 1 702. Wherein axe my Reste&ions on the shortest way with the dissenters, which I make to have been wrote by a clergyman ; and call it a villainous book. (The reason of which thou'lt sind in Re hearsal, N. 10. ) And pretend to answer it (but not since
the worthy author was discover d; and the sinest plot in
the world Jpoisd! ) where having laid load upon the
church of England as a bloody, persecuting church, and de
signing no less than a very massacre of all the dissenters: and coming to answer the barbarous treatment, and per
82 The
secution (indeed) of the church in Scotland, by the prefiyte- rians, since the revolution ; I make my conclufion against them both, and all churches whatsoever, as not worth any body's thoughIt, and fay thus to thee, Truly,
church; but 1 am an utter to moltst any enemy
cIountryman, my
shall priest -crast;
don't trouble head about, nor ever
and do believe, that put any clergyman in the coach-box,
and he will lash at any rate—There's my Ineighbour
fays, he's of no religion at all, and
lives at ease and quiet, free from cavils and contention. 1 think to lay it afide also, till allparties are agreed.
C. Thus thou instructed'st me, at that time ; and all
thou hast done fince, is exactly pursuant to it. In thy
Observator ot March 29, •I704. Vol. 3. N. 2. thou jnak'& knaves both of churchmen and dissenters, and fay'st,
officers in all religions may be knaves. But thou lay'st hea viest load upon the church, and mak'st these knave-officers to be church-men, all church-men, honest countryman (fay'st thou to me) true blue protestants ofthe church of England.
Then thou mak'st all the clergy to be knaves and rogues, not an honest or sober man to be found amongst them all. And fay'st, go ask doctor Ken net ; go ask the upper house of convocation. There you may hear
them at their old trade ^"Billingsgate, thou rogue, and' thou rogue. And thou told me before to lay afide ail religion, till all parties are agreed.
But art not thou and me, master, who have no religion, nor arc of any church 1 ■
O. Hold,
John vow the man
honest
The REHEARSAL.
83
O. Hold, man, thou mistak'st. We are ofall churches
and. of all religions.
C. That's what I faid, of no church, and of no reli
gion. It is the self fame thing, majler. Verily thefame ! for all cannot be true ; and one is oppofite to another. Therefore there's no way of being ofall, but by being of none. That is, to be indifferent to all, and so oppo site to none. To carry occafional conformity about us to all, where either laiv, or civility, or any interest do's
oblige us. And there is no way so efsectual to destroy all, as by being of all, to shew, that there is no truth or importance in any of them. But I was going to fay, are men so qualify d sit arbitrators in matters of religion, and
of cburch-disputes ? as thou mak'st thy self, master. O. Yes, the most fit ; because most impartial!
aj
being concern d on none of their fides ! neither gainers nor
lofers, whoever gets the cause, whether Christ or Maho-
met-i the fincerity or infincerity of the gospel; true or false apostles Or ministry ; whether Aaron or Korah, or
the priesthood of Micah ; all is priest-crast! to which I have declar'd my self an utter enemy. And you know, put any clergyman in the coach box—It is our maxim,onX. of Dryden (which I heard quoted in an honourable assembly )
Priests of all religions are the same. And I'll tell thee, countryman, our no church, is per
haps a greater church, than any of their churches. Ours are all the whigs to a man! the deists, the beaus and de
bauchees, and the occafional-conformists. Nor do we want our quality ; our bishops and clergy ; and serjeants at law too, and writers for our church ! men of lARGE.
thoughts, comprehensive charity— —Sec.
From ^»at. Oct. 28, to ÆaCNov. 4, 1704. The\Observator's trial and desence this good day.
QbfJ ■
''HIS it the in which our valour day
Try our title to rebel be just. if
must
E6 Be*
N° 14.
king.
The OBSERVATORY
84
Besides, (as I take notice in my vindication Observator,
Oct. 26. N. 63. ) it is the birth-day of our late dear
Which I take for a good omen. I hope I may be forgiven for his fake. I am sure I served him fakh-- fully. And though I turned cat in /an to him, -and beflaved him too, when he was dead (as thou hast it in thy Rehearsal, N. 5. ) yet I hope he will consider, what a mortal fear we were in at that time, when we faw hereditary return again, in the person of & princess whom:
we bad disdainfully treated ; and some sought her life, to have brought her into a plot, and to have prevented her accession to the throne of her ancestors, as shewed in Rehears. N. 11. And measuring her by our selves, what is it w could have expected ? what reason had we to think of all that goodness and clemency we have met with, not only to be forgiven, but advanced, and put into places of the greatest honour and trust, equal, at least, to those who had always preserved an intire reve rence' and duty to her royal highness, and were not afraid, to express it ; when others thought it not safe ; and came not in till the eleventh hour, yet were made equal to- tbose who had born the burthen and beat of the day.
But above all, the interest of legion our God is con cerned in the fate of this day. For if I am c. ist, Eng- land is dispossessed of him, and he must be turned into the herd ofswine. His hijstng littleserpents will be mute,
if /his trumpeter general am filenced.
On the other hand, if / come off scot-free, then the
wordis given, and 1 proclaim it aloud, so many times a week, for full license to scandal ! and let none hereafter be asraid to attack the government and ministry, from top to bottom, in the plainest and most abusive manner j for none can exceed what /have done!
C. Come, master, let thee and me use the discipline- we have learned in the famous univerfity of Newgate;. where the criminals sit, and try one another; and thereI- By give a shrewd guess what will come of it. Then am judge, for this bout— —-Bring that rogue
vator to the bar.
3
the Obser 0. An't
TRTALand DEFEKCE,&c. %
J O. An't please your wor/hip, my good lord countryman' am humble I have
your
abuses in the naval and victualling office, and that is the
servant. discovered several
crime for which I
C. No, firrah, that is not the matter ; but thy man
stand here.
ner of doing it. In appealing to the mob, and endea vouring to enstame them all over the nation, and possess them against the government, in thy nafiy Observators. If thou had'st any thing to inform, or to accuse any body of, the law is open, and thou shoud'st have impleaded them before the proper judges. But to. throw thy scan dals, like fire-brands, all through the euition, must be only tospirit up the mob, for no good end to be sure ! what account can you give of that ?
O. The fame that I give in my Observator, Vol. 3. . N. 62. of \z&. 03ob. 24. The officers of the navy wear the nation's livery; and 1 hope those who pay taxes, may. take notice how they are spent. f
C. What do 'ft mean, Bays, by. the nation'^ livery do's the nation wear a livery?
O. Thou improves very dully under all my instruc tions, thou rehearser ; thou never minds the plot of the play ! dos'nt remember how in all my Observators, from
top to bottom, I always
stile of calling every tiling the peoples, as the people's laws, the people's kinc,. &c. that is, all made by the people; and so accountable to-
use this
the peoples and if the&wg-is so, much more are his live
ries and his badges, worn by whomsoever ? therefore I fay,
that the admiralty and iwz^ office, and so all the offices and
officers in the nation (which word I always use instead of
kingdom, I hate that word f) do ourar the sai ion's /z-
ver*, not the king's. And consequently are the nati on's, that is, the people's, that the mob's, that is,
countryman, thine and my officers, soldiers, Sec. wear ing our livery, and accountable to us boys even she king or queen her self! she WOwears our. livery her fivord*
scepter, and crown, her robes red and blue; herspurs^. and all her trinkets, are our liverie; she hersels
Ovas! in this sense that repeat often the no blest
it is,
I
is,
so !
!
!
is
36 The
OBSERVATOR's
blest title I give her of my queen, and my queen ! as teaching her, how much^f is asubject to me ! for who made her queen of me ? even me my self! and you know, who makes, can unmake ! the inherent and radical pow
er is stiIll in me ! for, as our oracle
alone am me. king ef
fays,
'
This kingdom of me is situated in what they call terra au- stralis incognita ; and is the only place in the world,
where men were
Born free, as nature strst made man,
Ere the base laws ofservitude began, When wild in woods the noble savage ran.
From this Utopia we have taken all our schemes ofgo vernment ever since ! this is true liberty and property, to- reduce all to the noble savage again ! to make mob the
•
supreme, and kings and qjeens to worship us, and wear oUr liveries!
C. I did not know what sine foot-men, and foot-women
Ihad before! then my queen, is my waiting-maid, is she not ? and Imay send her ofan errand, to sill me a
dish of october, or to clean my /hoes, if I judge it for the good of the kingdom of me! otherwise, I may turn her out of doors, and get some other good-woman for my
house-keeper ! Is not all this right, master ?
O. Most certainly and apparently. CONSEQUENTIAl to all our principles. Nay, not only to turn our king or queen to the door, but to cut them in pieces, and drag them about the
if we I streets, judge them guilty of what
we please to call treason against us their masters! As have asserted in my Observator, Vol. 2 N. 22. and in
many others. It is the tbeam
I preach
upon. This is
the conclufion of every argument I bring. The depofing doctrine is my text. I maintain it openly, and in express
terms. And I turn the revolution upon thatfoot (contra
ry to the declaration of the convention] that under the shadow of that, I may speak treason my belly full.
C. But who is it has this authority to tall kings to account,
TR YAL and DEFENCE, &c.
87 account, to examine into their administration, and pass
sentence upon them, to cut them in pieces, drag them about the streets, &c ? Is it the mob, the people, every one that pleases, thee or me, master? Or is it only the peo
ple when represented in contention or parliament ?
0. It is thee and me and every bodv
it is
we
!
that are the original of parliaments, as well as of kings. The of commons call themselves our representatives.
As I fay (Vol. 2. N. 79.
) / £ave now two members in the house of commons, representing my person. Arn't we brave sellows, countryman ! and we have exercised our authority to the full over this present house of commons, in our legion million papers, wherein we call them down right rogues and villains, and betrayers of their trust to
us. Andin-my Observators I pay them off plentifully. Aud fay, Vol. 2. N. 99. that I don't mean them at St. Stephen, in my list of knaves, nor the bench, nor the church ! when the Observator but one before, N. 97. I put all the present judges into my lift, and Vol. 3. N. 2. The »/^>cr house of convocation, as well as the inse rior clergy. And those at St. Stephen no more than these!
In Vol. 2. N. 79, 1 call a book of Sir Humphrey Mack- wortVi an appeal to the people ; and inser, that any one , of the people may shew his like or diflike of that appeal :
So that it is every one of the people that is appealed to. And every one may give his sentence, and censure what ■ ever action of the government, that I bring before him,, in my appeals of Observators, and all the rest of our
scandalous club.
But I have told thee plainly to whom appeals may be
made, and who have right to examine into the admini stration of the government, even «// that pay taxes, as before quoted in my Observator, preparatory to my trial, Vol. 3. N. 62. ^»i/ /Ao/e (fay I) those who pay
taxes, may take notice how they are spent.
C. Now thou talk'st of trial, I have forgot my self all
this while; I have been talking with thee at the old
rate, as thy simple I countryman. I forgot my post at this
OBSERVATORY
this time, that I am now thy judge therefore must put on authority, and deal with thee like a foul criminal, as thou art. I'll teach thee now another sort of doctrine. Thou fay'st, that all that pay taxes may take notice how they arespent. Who are they that pay taxes ? come, tell me
88 The
quickly.
'O. Your lordjbip
knows as well as me, Every man, toilman, and child in the nation, both ali•ue and dead;
for we are tax'd for thestrst and last breath that we-
draw ; because it is by our own consent: Which makes
us free-born, beyond any other people !
. C. That is, we are born free to pay taxes ! call's! thou
this free-horn ? thou ought'st to be hang'd for a dunce, as well as a knave. Do children in the womb give their
vote to be tax'd as soon as they are born?
O. If they like not the conditions of our government,
they may stay where they are, and not come into it ! or go and be born in some other country, where they like the constitution better. But good your lord/hip, I have - something else to fay, they are concluded by their refrtfen- tatives in parliament.
C. Did they vote for such representatives?
O. As much, as much as the major number of the gronun people, who have no vote in elections. And why may
not a child have a representative, as well as a man who . never votes for any ?
C. Ma s s ! the rogue has puzzesd me ; he's book-learn'd! and now I sind, that the people of England are no more
than the children that are yet unborn ! but why then do we call the Æoa/i of commons the representa tives of the people?
O. Why ? are not those who have votes dispeople ? . that is, Apart of the people! and it is a common figure to put a£tfr/ for the whole. And so,- though they ar»- not half, noi half the half of the people; yet, by our
represented,
figure oispeaking, they are thepeople t
C. Then, by this rule, any tivo or three may call
themselves the people; even thou rogue, and me rogue . t Q. Yss, an please your, honour ! if we were strong. enoughs
TRYAL and DEFENCE, &c.
89 enough, and had a forty to stand by us ! we should be
as good the people, as any party ever took' that name !
C. But, for the present, ' I'll call thee ro'Cue to an
account. This then is thy meaning, that whoever pay
Then, every man, woman, or child, horn, or unborn, may come to my lord treasurer, take him by the fleeve, and demand an account how all the taxes are dispos'4 of?
taxes have a right to know how they are employed.
and so they may to the house of commons, and to the queen ; and tear her and parliament to pieces, and drag.
them about the streets, &c. if they give not such an ac count as shall be pleasing to these demanders.
How can any government stand at this rate ? this is all mob ! lets in an ocean of mob upon us, as Ovid fays*
Omnia vulgus erat, scelerifque licentia vulgo.
The setting up such doctrines as: these, and making peo ple drunk with, senseless notions free-born, origiriai oS government from, mob, Sec. deserves animadverfion, more than all the highnuay men atld thieves in England}. b«H cause it do's insinitely more mischief. It unhinges all government, and keeps the people perpetually madding for new revolutions. And, if it prevail'd, it wou'd turn th«i whole earth into one aceldamu. ,. . . . ■[ i
O. Let them look to that ! but this is the true do&rinc of our church ; this is the liberty and property of English
■,
men, their hirth-right, and distinguishing
from all other staves, . who fare tame in their fubje&ion ! For this I was borne. stickler ; and for this I intend to spend my dearest blood. For this (as I have given warn
am to ing in my Observator, Vol. 2. N. 13. ) /I resolv'd
have al get my self and family completely arned ; got
ready two good protestant muskets, and three basket-hilt- swords, that were us'd at MarsI-on-ktoor, Edge-hill,.
&c. If I be not bang'd in time, there shall be another Marston-moor touch for the liberties of England! And sot 1 lave my self to yaxsx. lordship, and the honest ;ury.
characteristics
CULPRET, Fron*
The REHEARS A L.
From ;f>at. Nov. 4, to &at. Nov. 11, '1704. N° ij.
He method os the dissenters towards peace and union.
^/•T^O's tne government think to stop my mouth 1 3 with all their gravity ! I can triumph on t pillory, and write an hymn to it afterwards, as De Foe did. Thus ridiculing the sacred hymns of the church,
in giving the fame to our frophane and »*7/? y sing songs.
C. But what if they shou'd whip thee at a cart's-tail;
where the im£ cou'd not thee ; besides a hand
some fine upon thy back ?
O. That wou'd be only sining the party, who are
oblig'd to fave me harmless. But none of them will be ivhipp'd for me : and I come of a family that have a na tural aver/ion to / but I'll petition the ja^n to be bang'd, as I did her father ; and then she'll forgive my whipping, as he did. . And I'll be as grateful to her for
as have been to him
However thou seest my Observators still go on as last
Wednesday, with the fame bookseilers name. And Vol.
N. 67. to continue from my last, on last Saturday,
Ae day of my trial, that the sets may be comp/eat. Wasn't that cunning trick tell thee thou hast got new Observator. And who that why my self, that offer my self to thee again. If were another Ob
fervator, he would begin new number, and not take my volume and number, and go on with and fay was from last Saturday. Nor wou'd he have had the impudence to vindicate the Observator against the sen tence ofthe court, as do, and fay of him, he was al ways a well wisbcr to his country, and a zealous defender of liberty and property. Whereas he was found guilty for his wicked attempts against all these and mews his loving inclinations in that fame Wednesday
9o
Observa tor, where he fays, and woudnotyou have such men es
%
is I
I
a is? I
it
!
it ;;
it
? it
it a
a
3.
it, I
;
The REHEARSAL:
9r betray their country abroad, or that sell it at home, he hangd, drawn and quarter'd, or if the law will not
reclaim them, have them be-witted?
I am the
will go backwards with thee, and keep on the fame chat
Thus you see
same
man still : and therefore
we us'd to have, upon my former Observators. While they came out three times a week, I pretended it was in' order to my trial. But as I told thee before, it was for the beginning of the parliament ; and to answer the
ends of ihepublick, for which I am entertain d.
There
one of them, that of 03. 28. Vol. fore Ispent speech. 3.
N. upon my queens And therein echo over again her majesty's exhortation to peace and union at home, while
we are engag'd in war abroad. And the use I make of to turn all the wranglings and anglings among us upon the church-party. And there take opportunity to
have another stroke at my old friend Sir George Rook, way of excuse. fay thus, to have the nation hurrfd
into contention about the conduct one man, that
great in office, when perhaps one hundred part the nati
on knows nothing of the bufiness may be just as much as the towns-men o/'Calnes know the advantage tak
ing Gibraltar fay, when a nation engag'din such little trifling contentions, may give room for our enemies to believe that they may engage us yet in greater divifi ons; when indeed, as her majesty most excellently fays, THErE OUGHT TO BE NO CONTENTION AMONG US,
BUT WHO SHAll MOST PrOMOTE THE PUBlICK WEL FArE.
Here, countryman, make Sir George Rook the great bane of contention thro' the nation which will make him very obnoxious to the common people; that the nation shou'd be kept in divifion, upon his account and you know the natural consequence of that is, that he be remov'd
out of the way, when we clamour against him
C. But you make him unknown to the hundred man
in the nation. How then can he be a national quarrel
O. Thou'rt always putting me out! faid that only
to lessen him, to shew how inconfiderable he that he's- no
64.
grown
is ;
!
of
is
! I
I j
?
;
; of it
of
I
I it
I:
is
of
by
it, is,
-
C. But hark ye, Bays, who is it has made all this stir about Sir George Rook ? For tho* he is known to as ma ny as know there is an English fleet, and spoke of with that esteem and honour he justly has merited: yet his name
made no sir in the nation, nor was blown about in print, but by thee and thy scandalous club, who have been lay ing at him these two years past or more, expofing and ridiculing him in the grossest manner. And even for his taking of Gibraltar, and his victory over the grandsleet of France ; for which I have given thee due correction fae- fore. And the very week after the news of his taking Gibraltar, &c. canae over, out came little Colepeper bark ing at his heels ; and his comical romance v/ts differs 'd ever city and country, and ad•vertisd for a month or more1 to
gether, in all yourscoundrel papers. These things oblig'd some of Sir George's friends to publish a narrative of his expedition, and to do him and the nation right. For fo- exceeding ytas the malice ofthe •o;A»£s against' Sir George, (because a church- man) that rather than he shou'd have the credit of doing any thing that was brave, or useful to England, they took all the pains they cou'd, and thou
The REHEARSAL
$z
no more known in the nation,- than the advantage of taking Gibraltar, (there I have him again ! ) is knowu to the townsmen ofCalnes.
them the foremost man, to turn this iiictotytio the French side ; and to represent the taking of Gibral tar, as of no use ox consequence at all ; tho' thon before mad'st it the key of the Levant ; and reproachcTst this fame Sir George, for not having taken it before. As I hare shew'd in my Rehearsal, N. 10. How then can'st thou lay to the church party all this stir has been about Sir George Rook? . ». •, ■ '. ■,
amongst
O, Most cleverly! for if no body had answer 'd for him, but let us r«z7 on, there had been no dispute ! thoa know'st, it is the second blow that makes the quarrel. Thou Rehearser hast begun the contention, what had'st thou to do to concern thy self for our colepepering and bt-
flawng Sir George Rook ? Art thou one of the twenty cut-throat commissioners of the blood-office? or one of the
The REHEARS AL;
93
some-bodies of officers, that faid they wou'dstab me for abusing of Sir George Rook ? upon which I cry V «tf of assassinations, to «//7ra all the party ! and I'll tell thee,
ourfolks never raZt of assassination, but they zwfa» it ! C. This matter thou and talk'd over in Rehearsal N. ' 12. But I'll tell thee, I have not the honour to be
any relation, or so much as an acquaintance of Sir G. Rookh. But I speak merely as a true hearted Englishman. And cannot refrain from indignation, to see an honorable and gallant gentleman, so vilely traducd by a company of rake-hells, notwithstanding of all the signal services he has done his country ; for no other reason but that he i» true to the church. This shews the implacable spirit of whigism, which regards not country, but only party. And would rather their country should fink, than besavd by the church f
Besides their intolerable impudence, to charge their own crimes upon others, who detest them. As thy now laying upon the church the clamours thou thy self hast rais'd about Sir George Rook ! and so as the cause of that breach of union there is in the nation ! the church is the caa/i of ell!
O. Then let them be quiet ! and not be answering to what we write against them. Tho' we challenge them to answer, and upbraid them for not answering ; and cry victoria I upon that very account.
she scratch''d so devilishly, there was no en
And wishing her speedy accession, is as much treason as another. As the health about which the quarrel was at
comes
Chippenbam last Miehaelmas-dry Of which I told thee, Rehears. N. II. For thou know'st speedy accession to one, is speedy removal to another.
O. Well! if I
am born to be
often into my mind) I hope I shall have compary !
O. I cou'd not help it, man, if I shou'd be hang'd for't. ' I was put upon it. Thefaction has need ot me, present needs the parliament now beginning ; and who knows bat the occafional hill may come in again ? and the high- church get up upon us ! arirj'd with their victories this-
summer! There are notices to be given, and the word thro' the nation, upon every turn, as ore fi'm requires; may be new black lists, and so forth ! And oar people must be plyd with •warm deaths, at least three times a •week,. that they may not coot, but be ready upon zn hour & warn-- iag ! And what my neck, in comparison of all this gmi? The whole cause at stake! have s. gn'd cen-- tract ofsoul and body with legion, to pall down the church.
C. There one thing exceeding necessary, master,, that while thou hast taken upon thee the post of being
stickler between churches, and regulator of all, as well" ecclefiastical as civil affairs, thou shou'd'st fatisfy the world what religion thou thy self art of what church thou art
andwhatnot. , .
han£d (which
I of her. ring
C. Upon the whole, master, I think thou had'st as good have let alone thy thrice a week Observators, till- after thy trial ; for it is very provoking.
of,
.
;
a
I
a .
is
is'
is
a
REHEARSAL.
O. I have taken care of that, in the first volume of my Observators, N. 71. Dec. 26, 1 702. Wherein axe my Reste&ions on the shortest way with the dissenters, which I make to have been wrote by a clergyman ; and call it a villainous book. (The reason of which thou'lt sind in Re hearsal, N. 10. ) And pretend to answer it (but not since
the worthy author was discover d; and the sinest plot in
the world Jpoisd! ) where having laid load upon the
church of England as a bloody, persecuting church, and de
signing no less than a very massacre of all the dissenters: and coming to answer the barbarous treatment, and per
82 The
secution (indeed) of the church in Scotland, by the prefiyte- rians, since the revolution ; I make my conclufion against them both, and all churches whatsoever, as not worth any body's thoughIt, and fay thus to thee, Truly,
church; but 1 am an utter to moltst any enemy
cIountryman, my
shall priest -crast;
don't trouble head about, nor ever
and do believe, that put any clergyman in the coach-box,
and he will lash at any rate—There's my Ineighbour
fays, he's of no religion at all, and
lives at ease and quiet, free from cavils and contention. 1 think to lay it afide also, till allparties are agreed.
C. Thus thou instructed'st me, at that time ; and all
thou hast done fince, is exactly pursuant to it. In thy
Observator ot March 29, •I704. Vol. 3. N. 2. thou jnak'& knaves both of churchmen and dissenters, and fay'st,
officers in all religions may be knaves. But thou lay'st hea viest load upon the church, and mak'st these knave-officers to be church-men, all church-men, honest countryman (fay'st thou to me) true blue protestants ofthe church of England.
Then thou mak'st all the clergy to be knaves and rogues, not an honest or sober man to be found amongst them all. And fay'st, go ask doctor Ken net ; go ask the upper house of convocation. There you may hear
them at their old trade ^"Billingsgate, thou rogue, and' thou rogue. And thou told me before to lay afide ail religion, till all parties are agreed.
But art not thou and me, master, who have no religion, nor arc of any church 1 ■
O. Hold,
John vow the man
honest
The REHEARSAL.
83
O. Hold, man, thou mistak'st. We are ofall churches
and. of all religions.
C. That's what I faid, of no church, and of no reli
gion. It is the self fame thing, majler. Verily thefame ! for all cannot be true ; and one is oppofite to another. Therefore there's no way of being ofall, but by being of none. That is, to be indifferent to all, and so oppo site to none. To carry occafional conformity about us to all, where either laiv, or civility, or any interest do's
oblige us. And there is no way so efsectual to destroy all, as by being of all, to shew, that there is no truth or importance in any of them. But I was going to fay, are men so qualify d sit arbitrators in matters of religion, and
of cburch-disputes ? as thou mak'st thy self, master. O. Yes, the most fit ; because most impartial!
aj
being concern d on none of their fides ! neither gainers nor
lofers, whoever gets the cause, whether Christ or Maho-
met-i the fincerity or infincerity of the gospel; true or false apostles Or ministry ; whether Aaron or Korah, or
the priesthood of Micah ; all is priest-crast! to which I have declar'd my self an utter enemy. And you know, put any clergyman in the coach box—It is our maxim,onX. of Dryden (which I heard quoted in an honourable assembly )
Priests of all religions are the same. And I'll tell thee, countryman, our no church, is per
haps a greater church, than any of their churches. Ours are all the whigs to a man! the deists, the beaus and de
bauchees, and the occafional-conformists. Nor do we want our quality ; our bishops and clergy ; and serjeants at law too, and writers for our church ! men of lARGE.
thoughts, comprehensive charity— —Sec.
From ^»at. Oct. 28, to ÆaCNov. 4, 1704. The\Observator's trial and desence this good day.
QbfJ ■
''HIS it the in which our valour day
Try our title to rebel be just. if
must
E6 Be*
N° 14.
king.
The OBSERVATORY
84
Besides, (as I take notice in my vindication Observator,
Oct. 26. N. 63. ) it is the birth-day of our late dear
Which I take for a good omen. I hope I may be forgiven for his fake. I am sure I served him fakh-- fully. And though I turned cat in /an to him, -and beflaved him too, when he was dead (as thou hast it in thy Rehearsal, N. 5. ) yet I hope he will consider, what a mortal fear we were in at that time, when we faw hereditary return again, in the person of & princess whom:
we bad disdainfully treated ; and some sought her life, to have brought her into a plot, and to have prevented her accession to the throne of her ancestors, as shewed in Rehears. N. 11. And measuring her by our selves, what is it w could have expected ? what reason had we to think of all that goodness and clemency we have met with, not only to be forgiven, but advanced, and put into places of the greatest honour and trust, equal, at least, to those who had always preserved an intire reve rence' and duty to her royal highness, and were not afraid, to express it ; when others thought it not safe ; and came not in till the eleventh hour, yet were made equal to- tbose who had born the burthen and beat of the day.
But above all, the interest of legion our God is con cerned in the fate of this day. For if I am c. ist, Eng- land is dispossessed of him, and he must be turned into the herd ofswine. His hijstng littleserpents will be mute,
if /his trumpeter general am filenced.
On the other hand, if / come off scot-free, then the
wordis given, and 1 proclaim it aloud, so many times a week, for full license to scandal ! and let none hereafter be asraid to attack the government and ministry, from top to bottom, in the plainest and most abusive manner j for none can exceed what /have done!
C. Come, master, let thee and me use the discipline- we have learned in the famous univerfity of Newgate;. where the criminals sit, and try one another; and thereI- By give a shrewd guess what will come of it. Then am judge, for this bout— —-Bring that rogue
vator to the bar.
3
the Obser 0. An't
TRTALand DEFEKCE,&c. %
J O. An't please your wor/hip, my good lord countryman' am humble I have
your
abuses in the naval and victualling office, and that is the
servant. discovered several
crime for which I
C. No, firrah, that is not the matter ; but thy man
stand here.
ner of doing it. In appealing to the mob, and endea vouring to enstame them all over the nation, and possess them against the government, in thy nafiy Observators. If thou had'st any thing to inform, or to accuse any body of, the law is open, and thou shoud'st have impleaded them before the proper judges. But to. throw thy scan dals, like fire-brands, all through the euition, must be only tospirit up the mob, for no good end to be sure ! what account can you give of that ?
O. The fame that I give in my Observator, Vol. 3. . N. 62. of \z&. 03ob. 24. The officers of the navy wear the nation's livery; and 1 hope those who pay taxes, may. take notice how they are spent. f
C. What do 'ft mean, Bays, by. the nation'^ livery do's the nation wear a livery?
O. Thou improves very dully under all my instruc tions, thou rehearser ; thou never minds the plot of the play ! dos'nt remember how in all my Observators, from
top to bottom, I always
stile of calling every tiling the peoples, as the people's laws, the people's kinc,. &c. that is, all made by the people; and so accountable to-
use this
the peoples and if the&wg-is so, much more are his live
ries and his badges, worn by whomsoever ? therefore I fay,
that the admiralty and iwz^ office, and so all the offices and
officers in the nation (which word I always use instead of
kingdom, I hate that word f) do ourar the sai ion's /z-
ver*, not the king's. And consequently are the nati on's, that is, the people's, that the mob's, that is,
countryman, thine and my officers, soldiers, Sec. wear ing our livery, and accountable to us boys even she king or queen her self! she WOwears our. livery her fivord*
scepter, and crown, her robes red and blue; herspurs^. and all her trinkets, are our liverie; she hersels
Ovas! in this sense that repeat often the no blest
it is,
I
is,
so !
!
!
is
36 The
OBSERVATOR's
blest title I give her of my queen, and my queen ! as teaching her, how much^f is asubject to me ! for who made her queen of me ? even me my self! and you know, who makes, can unmake ! the inherent and radical pow
er is stiIll in me ! for, as our oracle
alone am me. king ef
fays,
'
This kingdom of me is situated in what they call terra au- stralis incognita ; and is the only place in the world,
where men were
Born free, as nature strst made man,
Ere the base laws ofservitude began, When wild in woods the noble savage ran.
From this Utopia we have taken all our schemes ofgo vernment ever since ! this is true liberty and property, to- reduce all to the noble savage again ! to make mob the
•
supreme, and kings and qjeens to worship us, and wear oUr liveries!
C. I did not know what sine foot-men, and foot-women
Ihad before! then my queen, is my waiting-maid, is she not ? and Imay send her ofan errand, to sill me a
dish of october, or to clean my /hoes, if I judge it for the good of the kingdom of me! otherwise, I may turn her out of doors, and get some other good-woman for my
house-keeper ! Is not all this right, master ?
O. Most certainly and apparently. CONSEQUENTIAl to all our principles. Nay, not only to turn our king or queen to the door, but to cut them in pieces, and drag them about the
if we I streets, judge them guilty of what
we please to call treason against us their masters! As have asserted in my Observator, Vol. 2 N. 22. and in
many others. It is the tbeam
I preach
upon. This is
the conclufion of every argument I bring. The depofing doctrine is my text. I maintain it openly, and in express
terms. And I turn the revolution upon thatfoot (contra
ry to the declaration of the convention] that under the shadow of that, I may speak treason my belly full.
C. But who is it has this authority to tall kings to account,
TR YAL and DEFENCE, &c.
87 account, to examine into their administration, and pass
sentence upon them, to cut them in pieces, drag them about the streets, &c ? Is it the mob, the people, every one that pleases, thee or me, master? Or is it only the peo
ple when represented in contention or parliament ?
0. It is thee and me and every bodv
it is
we
!
that are the original of parliaments, as well as of kings. The of commons call themselves our representatives.
As I fay (Vol. 2. N. 79.
) / £ave now two members in the house of commons, representing my person. Arn't we brave sellows, countryman ! and we have exercised our authority to the full over this present house of commons, in our legion million papers, wherein we call them down right rogues and villains, and betrayers of their trust to
us. Andin-my Observators I pay them off plentifully. Aud fay, Vol. 2. N. 99. that I don't mean them at St. Stephen, in my list of knaves, nor the bench, nor the church ! when the Observator but one before, N. 97. I put all the present judges into my lift, and Vol. 3. N. 2. The »/^>cr house of convocation, as well as the inse rior clergy. And those at St. Stephen no more than these!
In Vol. 2. N. 79, 1 call a book of Sir Humphrey Mack- wortVi an appeal to the people ; and inser, that any one , of the people may shew his like or diflike of that appeal :
So that it is every one of the people that is appealed to. And every one may give his sentence, and censure what ■ ever action of the government, that I bring before him,, in my appeals of Observators, and all the rest of our
scandalous club.
But I have told thee plainly to whom appeals may be
made, and who have right to examine into the admini stration of the government, even «// that pay taxes, as before quoted in my Observator, preparatory to my trial, Vol. 3. N. 62. ^»i/ /Ao/e (fay I) those who pay
taxes, may take notice how they are spent.
C. Now thou talk'st of trial, I have forgot my self all
this while; I have been talking with thee at the old
rate, as thy simple I countryman. I forgot my post at this
OBSERVATORY
this time, that I am now thy judge therefore must put on authority, and deal with thee like a foul criminal, as thou art. I'll teach thee now another sort of doctrine. Thou fay'st, that all that pay taxes may take notice how they arespent. Who are they that pay taxes ? come, tell me
88 The
quickly.
'O. Your lordjbip
knows as well as me, Every man, toilman, and child in the nation, both ali•ue and dead;
for we are tax'd for thestrst and last breath that we-
draw ; because it is by our own consent: Which makes
us free-born, beyond any other people !
. C. That is, we are born free to pay taxes ! call's! thou
this free-horn ? thou ought'st to be hang'd for a dunce, as well as a knave. Do children in the womb give their
vote to be tax'd as soon as they are born?
O. If they like not the conditions of our government,
they may stay where they are, and not come into it ! or go and be born in some other country, where they like the constitution better. But good your lord/hip, I have - something else to fay, they are concluded by their refrtfen- tatives in parliament.
C. Did they vote for such representatives?
O. As much, as much as the major number of the gronun people, who have no vote in elections. And why may
not a child have a representative, as well as a man who . never votes for any ?
C. Ma s s ! the rogue has puzzesd me ; he's book-learn'd! and now I sind, that the people of England are no more
than the children that are yet unborn ! but why then do we call the Æoa/i of commons the representa tives of the people?
O. Why ? are not those who have votes dispeople ? . that is, Apart of the people! and it is a common figure to put a£tfr/ for the whole. And so,- though they ar»- not half, noi half the half of the people; yet, by our
represented,
figure oispeaking, they are thepeople t
C. Then, by this rule, any tivo or three may call
themselves the people; even thou rogue, and me rogue . t Q. Yss, an please your, honour ! if we were strong. enoughs
TRYAL and DEFENCE, &c.
89 enough, and had a forty to stand by us ! we should be
as good the people, as any party ever took' that name !
C. But, for the present, ' I'll call thee ro'Cue to an
account. This then is thy meaning, that whoever pay
Then, every man, woman, or child, horn, or unborn, may come to my lord treasurer, take him by the fleeve, and demand an account how all the taxes are dispos'4 of?
taxes have a right to know how they are employed.
and so they may to the house of commons, and to the queen ; and tear her and parliament to pieces, and drag.
them about the streets, &c. if they give not such an ac count as shall be pleasing to these demanders.
How can any government stand at this rate ? this is all mob ! lets in an ocean of mob upon us, as Ovid fays*
Omnia vulgus erat, scelerifque licentia vulgo.
The setting up such doctrines as: these, and making peo ple drunk with, senseless notions free-born, origiriai oS government from, mob, Sec. deserves animadverfion, more than all the highnuay men atld thieves in England}. b«H cause it do's insinitely more mischief. It unhinges all government, and keeps the people perpetually madding for new revolutions. And, if it prevail'd, it wou'd turn th«i whole earth into one aceldamu. ,. . . . ■[ i
O. Let them look to that ! but this is the true do&rinc of our church ; this is the liberty and property of English
■,
men, their hirth-right, and distinguishing
from all other staves, . who fare tame in their fubje&ion ! For this I was borne. stickler ; and for this I intend to spend my dearest blood. For this (as I have given warn
am to ing in my Observator, Vol. 2. N. 13. ) /I resolv'd
have al get my self and family completely arned ; got
ready two good protestant muskets, and three basket-hilt- swords, that were us'd at MarsI-on-ktoor, Edge-hill,.
&c. If I be not bang'd in time, there shall be another Marston-moor touch for the liberties of England! And sot 1 lave my self to yaxsx. lordship, and the honest ;ury.
characteristics
CULPRET, Fron*
The REHEARS A L.
From ;f>at. Nov. 4, to &at. Nov. 11, '1704. N° ij.
He method os the dissenters towards peace and union.
^/•T^O's tne government think to stop my mouth 1 3 with all their gravity ! I can triumph on t pillory, and write an hymn to it afterwards, as De Foe did. Thus ridiculing the sacred hymns of the church,
in giving the fame to our frophane and »*7/? y sing songs.
C. But what if they shou'd whip thee at a cart's-tail;
where the im£ cou'd not thee ; besides a hand
some fine upon thy back ?
O. That wou'd be only sining the party, who are
oblig'd to fave me harmless. But none of them will be ivhipp'd for me : and I come of a family that have a na tural aver/ion to / but I'll petition the ja^n to be bang'd, as I did her father ; and then she'll forgive my whipping, as he did. . And I'll be as grateful to her for
as have been to him
However thou seest my Observators still go on as last
Wednesday, with the fame bookseilers name. And Vol.
N. 67. to continue from my last, on last Saturday,
Ae day of my trial, that the sets may be comp/eat. Wasn't that cunning trick tell thee thou hast got new Observator. And who that why my self, that offer my self to thee again. If were another Ob
fervator, he would begin new number, and not take my volume and number, and go on with and fay was from last Saturday. Nor wou'd he have had the impudence to vindicate the Observator against the sen tence ofthe court, as do, and fay of him, he was al ways a well wisbcr to his country, and a zealous defender of liberty and property. Whereas he was found guilty for his wicked attempts against all these and mews his loving inclinations in that fame Wednesday
9o
Observa tor, where he fays, and woudnotyou have such men es
%
is I
I
a is? I
it
!
it ;;
it
? it
it a
a
3.
it, I
;
The REHEARSAL:
9r betray their country abroad, or that sell it at home, he hangd, drawn and quarter'd, or if the law will not
reclaim them, have them be-witted?
I am the
will go backwards with thee, and keep on the fame chat
Thus you see
same
man still : and therefore
we us'd to have, upon my former Observators. While they came out three times a week, I pretended it was in' order to my trial. But as I told thee before, it was for the beginning of the parliament ; and to answer the
ends of ihepublick, for which I am entertain d.
There
one of them, that of 03. 28. Vol. fore Ispent speech. 3.
N. upon my queens And therein echo over again her majesty's exhortation to peace and union at home, while
we are engag'd in war abroad. And the use I make of to turn all the wranglings and anglings among us upon the church-party. And there take opportunity to
have another stroke at my old friend Sir George Rook, way of excuse. fay thus, to have the nation hurrfd
into contention about the conduct one man, that
great in office, when perhaps one hundred part the nati
on knows nothing of the bufiness may be just as much as the towns-men o/'Calnes know the advantage tak
ing Gibraltar fay, when a nation engag'din such little trifling contentions, may give room for our enemies to believe that they may engage us yet in greater divifi ons; when indeed, as her majesty most excellently fays, THErE OUGHT TO BE NO CONTENTION AMONG US,
BUT WHO SHAll MOST PrOMOTE THE PUBlICK WEL FArE.
Here, countryman, make Sir George Rook the great bane of contention thro' the nation which will make him very obnoxious to the common people; that the nation shou'd be kept in divifion, upon his account and you know the natural consequence of that is, that he be remov'd
out of the way, when we clamour against him
C. But you make him unknown to the hundred man
in the nation. How then can he be a national quarrel
O. Thou'rt always putting me out! faid that only
to lessen him, to shew how inconfiderable he that he's- no
64.
grown
is ;
!
of
is
! I
I j
?
;
; of it
of
I
I it
I:
is
of
by
it, is,
-
C. But hark ye, Bays, who is it has made all this stir about Sir George Rook ? For tho* he is known to as ma ny as know there is an English fleet, and spoke of with that esteem and honour he justly has merited: yet his name
made no sir in the nation, nor was blown about in print, but by thee and thy scandalous club, who have been lay ing at him these two years past or more, expofing and ridiculing him in the grossest manner. And even for his taking of Gibraltar, and his victory over the grandsleet of France ; for which I have given thee due correction fae- fore. And the very week after the news of his taking Gibraltar, &c. canae over, out came little Colepeper bark ing at his heels ; and his comical romance v/ts differs 'd ever city and country, and ad•vertisd for a month or more1 to
gether, in all yourscoundrel papers. These things oblig'd some of Sir George's friends to publish a narrative of his expedition, and to do him and the nation right. For fo- exceeding ytas the malice ofthe •o;A»£s against' Sir George, (because a church- man) that rather than he shou'd have the credit of doing any thing that was brave, or useful to England, they took all the pains they cou'd, and thou
The REHEARSAL
$z
no more known in the nation,- than the advantage of taking Gibraltar, (there I have him again ! ) is knowu to the townsmen ofCalnes.
them the foremost man, to turn this iiictotytio the French side ; and to represent the taking of Gibral tar, as of no use ox consequence at all ; tho' thon before mad'st it the key of the Levant ; and reproachcTst this fame Sir George, for not having taken it before. As I hare shew'd in my Rehearsal, N. 10. How then can'st thou lay to the church party all this stir has been about Sir George Rook? . ». •, ■ '. ■,
amongst
O, Most cleverly! for if no body had answer 'd for him, but let us r«z7 on, there had been no dispute ! thoa know'st, it is the second blow that makes the quarrel. Thou Rehearser hast begun the contention, what had'st thou to do to concern thy self for our colepepering and bt-
flawng Sir George Rook ? Art thou one of the twenty cut-throat commissioners of the blood-office? or one of the
The REHEARS AL;
93
some-bodies of officers, that faid they wou'dstab me for abusing of Sir George Rook ? upon which I cry V «tf of assassinations, to «//7ra all the party ! and I'll tell thee,
ourfolks never raZt of assassination, but they zwfa» it ! C. This matter thou and talk'd over in Rehearsal N. ' 12. But I'll tell thee, I have not the honour to be
any relation, or so much as an acquaintance of Sir G. Rookh. But I speak merely as a true hearted Englishman. And cannot refrain from indignation, to see an honorable and gallant gentleman, so vilely traducd by a company of rake-hells, notwithstanding of all the signal services he has done his country ; for no other reason but that he i» true to the church. This shews the implacable spirit of whigism, which regards not country, but only party. And would rather their country should fink, than besavd by the church f
Besides their intolerable impudence, to charge their own crimes upon others, who detest them. As thy now laying upon the church the clamours thou thy self hast rais'd about Sir George Rook ! and so as the cause of that breach of union there is in the nation ! the church is the caa/i of ell!
O. Then let them be quiet ! and not be answering to what we write against them. Tho' we challenge them to answer, and upbraid them for not answering ; and cry victoria I upon that very account.
