Married on the floor, no love, but
received
money for it from the spectators.
Adorno-T-Authoritarian-Personality-Harper-Bros-1950
Very religious.
Got with her around the church.
.
.
.
Never took each other very seriously, more or less, just accepted one another.
" The subject left and when he returned, she had gotten mar- ried.
"She was more or less what I was looking for.
Very religious.
.
.
.
"
The conception of marriage as a rather external affair not involving com- mon interests, and also demonstrating conventional moralism, is given by the record of the following high scorer:
M41: (What was your wife like? ) "A nice person. A nurse, before I married her.
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(Q) Well, I liked her looks and manners. (In what ways were you most alike? ) Well, we weren't much alike in any way. We got along all right. . . . Her mother was Christian Science. (What about her? ) She was Christian Science. (Any chil- dren? ) No. (In what ways most different? ) \Vell, a little different in tastes about things. (Q) Most anything. I liked flowers and she didn't care much for flowers. (Main difficulties? ) I didn't have any. We got along good. I let her have her own way. Takes two to start an argument. (Have her way in what things? ) In most anything. Well, if we was going anywhere, if I went to buy a suit of clothes, I let her pick it out. If we wanted anything for the house, I let her pick it. (Childhood sex experiences? ) Well, I don't remember any. \Vhen I was a kid, such things weren't taught. . . . Such things weren't mentioned by parents or anyone else. If you met a girl on the street, you'd blush. . . . I don't think it's a very good subject to teach. They learn it soon enough. "
The lack of integration of sex and affection found in high-scoring men is likewise illustrated by some of these quotations. Quite commonly, in the girls they would like to marry, they require, above all, moral standards; often this is the only requirement. Frequently their marriages do not seem to be based on companionship or love. As far as their reports about premarital sexual relationships are concerned, they usually manifest contempt for the women involved. In both marriage and the more casual sex relationships there seems to be little concern with common interest and comradeship.
The difference in the attitude toward sexual relationships in high-scoring as compared with low-scoring men can perhaps best be exemplified by two records describing extramarital relationships. In both cases there is evidence of sexual and marital maladjustment. The differences, however, are charac- teristic of the two groups, respectively.
Ms8, a high-scoring man, reports: "And if you're not satisfied it might become uppermost in your mind, even above work, etc. . . . I believe I've seen where it is necessary for emotional stability, to relieve yourself regardless of marriage. (How do you mean? ) First thing you know you're looking around . . . find something some- where and relieve . . . then can go back and concentrate. . . . (What main difficulties have you found in your marriage? ) My wife and I have always been thoroughly compatible . . . (only trivial daily problems) . . . can't think of anything . . . only one particular thing: I got to chasing around with another woman (although my wife had nothing to do with it; there was no conflict with her) it was in me entirely alone. . . . "
Mzo, a low-scoring man: "We have not enjoyed our sexual relationships almost since the first day of our marriage. I don't want it, and we often go for months with- out coitus . . . is that the word? My wife always takes the initiative in our relation- ships; she is very passionate. So am I-I have had three affairs since my marriage. I am having one now and she knows it. "
The first of these men, a high scorer, talks about sex as though it were an ego-alien tension which has to be "relieved" for hygienic reasons. Thus, in the most intimate interpersonal relationships, he displays a utilitarian and
(pseudo-)realistic outlook. The depersonalized attitude in this subject is drastically expressed by referring to his sexual partner as "something," and
? SEX, PEOPLE, AND SELF SEEN THROUGH INTERVIEWS 399
in the phrase "find something somewhere and relieve. " On the other hand, the low-scoring subject, in a somewhat evasive, unperceptive effort to integrate his extramarital relationships into his total life-pattern, exemplifies the inhibited and at the same time impulse-ridden maladjustment sometimes
found in those scoring low on ethnocentrism.
5. EGO-ALIEN AMBIV ALENCE VS. "FONDNESS"
The isolation of sex experience in the typical high scorers is connected with an ambivalent underlying disrespect for, and resentment against, the opposite sex, often hidden behind an externalized and excessive pseudoad- miration. Low scorers, on the other hand, manifest more often genuine respect and fondness for the opposite sex (Category 25). The difference is highly significant (1 per cent level) for men, and satisfactorily significant
(5 per cent level) for women.
An example of the "High" type of ambivalence toward women is the fol-
lowing statement:
M8z: "I don't think men respect women or anything about women, the way they ought to. . . . In other words, women aren't inferior to men. If anything, they are superior. After all, they are the hands that rock the cradle. " His admiration of women goes hand in hand with his conception of women as weak. Subject argues strongly at this point that restrictions should be removed on women, but still ex- presses his disapproval of women in business on the grounds that it would spoil the dependent (i. e. , the home type) woman's chances.
More open lack of appreciation is shown in the following description of his stepmother by a high scorer:
M4o: (What sort of person was your stepmother? ) "Pretty hard to describe, just another woman, I guess . . . nothing glaringly ou. tstanding. (In what ways was she like your father? ) She wasn't. (How different? ) In every way. She wasn't his equal in anything-intellectually. More matter of convenience than anything else. "
Undisguised contempt for girls is displayed by another high scorer:
M u : "But I can't stand being around a bunch of girls, a lot of senseless chatter. They are all the same. Sororities are the cliquiest and the snottiest. "
One of the high-scoring prison inmates blames his fate on his wife:
M57: "This last one I married was really a corker. . . . She just got her divorce. . . . I found out she was married all the time to another man. . . . She got me in here, I guess I got pussy-simple. "
Correspondingly, contempt for men is expressed in the following records of high-scoring women:
F24: "Of course, now if you pick a boy as a friend, right away they want to get juicy. You have to be careful about boys. "
F31: "I wouldn't want to be a factory worker, either. It's not very good to say now, when they need everybody that's working in factories, but I can't see a girl
? THE AUTHORITARIAN PERSONALITY
working in jeans and around grease and putting themselves on the same level with men. "
Low-scoring subjects, on the other hand, in seeking companionship with the opposite sex, more often manifest some measure of fondness. This at- titude, shown by the following protocols, tends to increase in longer and more intimate relationships, as indicated by the statement of M42 that "a successful marriage certainly leads to familiarity but not to contempt. "
The necessity of frankness in marriage is emphasized by Msg: "When I do meet the one girl for me, I shall explain all my past life to her, because I do not believe that happiness can be based on lies. " The frankness but also the compulsive feature in this statement are characteristic of the type of low scorer with neurotic features (see below).
Another low scorer shows love and respect for a woman in spite of the fact that the marriage did not work out:
Mso: " A t that time I was too self-centered t~ be in love with anyone. . . . I did admire and respect and like her . . . but we never should have gotten married. . . . Today I think we could have a better chance of making a go of it . . . because I have grown up sufficiently. "
This record further shows the inclination toward self-blame and intra- punitiveness often found in low scorers.
Real love and common interest with her husband is stressed by:
F3o: "I thought was wonderful. He was so brilliant and his ideas and aspirations and mine were just alike. . . . W e were all good companions and chums, and and I had settled all the world's problems but we had never really talked about ourselves. "
6. EXPLOITIVE MANIPULA TION FOR POWER
In their relations to the opposite sex as in other interpersonal relationships, high scorers tend toward an exploitive-manipulative type of power orienta- tion. There is more of a warm and affectionate "love-seeking" attitude in the low scorers. Differences with respect to this pair of opposites (Category
(26) are statistically highly significant (r per cent level) for both men and women.
Thus, the traits which high-scoring men tend to emphasize in women are the giving of material benefits and submissiveness ("sweet," "kind and gen- erous"), along with purity ("wholesome") and conventionality. They ex- pect to get something from women often without giving much in return. As in the attitude toward their parents, it is again a dependence oriented primarily toward material benefits rather than a dependence stemming from the wish to give or to receive love, although the latter tendencies are by no means completely squelched. Examples are:
M4o: (What sort of woman would you like to marry? ) "Wealthy woman? . Other
? SEX, PEOPLE, AND SELF SEEN THROUGH INTERVIEWS 40I
requirements? ) Well, I'd like . her to be maximum 35, preferably anywhere between 28 and 30. (Any other specifications? ) I'll take that as it comes. "
M45: "Was married three times. The first time in _ _ at eighteen. It lasted six weeks. My panner in a dance walkathon.
Married on the floor, no love, but received money for it from the spectators. . . . Sex relationship was more enjoyable than with either of my other wives. "
In line with this, the traits which the typical high-scoring woman tends to desire in men are likewise primarily instrumental in getting the things she wants. They are: hard-working, "go-getting," energetic, "a good per- sonality," (conventionally) moral, "clean-cut," deferent toward women. The next record shows clearly the two-sided nature of the demands high-scoring women tend to make upon a man. On the one hand, he must have a strong drive in order to get things for her; on the other, he must be deferent and "thoughtful. "
F7z: (Q) "Fine boy. Father a writer; grandfather secretary of Canal; very wealthy family but he doesn't have the drive and ambition that I want; I just have to have more drive; somebody who doesn't have to lean on me. I had the feel- ing that if I walked away he would collapse. (War changed him? ) He has more ambition but not the drive-l haven't seen him for a long time; that's why I haven't
made any decision. Here you mingle with boys who have so much push and drive; another boy here has everything except that he isn't thoughtful like. . . . I've got to have someone who isn't selfish. I'm not critical-! know I'm not. "
This as well as the next two records of other high-scoring women illus- trate the inherently opportunistic point of view, the looking at men from the standpoint, above all, of social status and the ability to furnish support:
F22: "I'm going to look (among other things) for the fellow's views on support- ing me. I'd like to marry someone, for instance, who is going into a profession- maybe a doctor. (Engagement? ) It didn't take me long to get over it. His father died when he was 3; his mother was 40 when he was born. Father left mother lots of money. He was a playboy, worked but borrowed money from his mother. He was pretty much attached to his mother's apron strings. W e were engaged 7 or 8 months. I'm not demanding, but he was selfish. We argued more and more, broke up by mutual consent. I learned a lot from it-not to go into things blindly. "
F31: "But there is one thing that is bothering me. Saturday night I had a blind date, and I liked him a lot; only he is a sailor and my boy friend is an officer. It's not that I'm conscious of gold braid. . . . (Marriage? ) Well, I'd like someone . . . with a good personality who mixes well with people. Someone who at the same time is serious about the future. My boy friend is an engineer. "
By contrast, low-scoring subjects tend to emphasize as desired traits com- panionship, common interest, warmth, sociability, sexual love, understand- ing, presence of liberal values. Sometimes their quest for love is so intense and unrealistic that it becomes a source of disappointment to them. This search for the "great romantic love" seems to be based on a wish to restore a successful early relation with a parent, based on nurturance and succor-
? THE AUTHORIT ARIAN PERSONALITY
ance. As they were found to be for parents, expressions of passionate love for sex partners are generally infrequent in our interview material, however. Two records may suffice to illustrate, each in its own way, the different quality of what low-scoring subjects expect from their partners as well as a
certain pervasive tendency toward self-blame.
F34: She talks of looking forward to marriage and children eventually, but she has modest financial requirements for a husband. She has had many boy friends and is the "romantic type. " "I always want to feel this is my great love-and then it isn't. That sort of thing is all right when you are in school. But nowadays when your boy friend goes away to war and you write letters and build up a lot of things that may not even be there-it isn't fair to either person. " She has been "sort of engaged" for two years to a boy she knew in school. He has been overseas in the navy and they have written regularly-romantic letters. She goes out with other boys and he knows this and doesn't object. She hasn't fallen in love with anyone else, but her worry is that her feeling for him is not love. He came home on furlough, and his family, who live in now, had her come down to their home and stay there for several days while he was there. She feels that he sensed that she did not feel the same, and yet she could not bring herself to say anything. She believes this was very cowardly of her and shows an absence of character. She thinks it is quite possible the boy's feelings have changed too, "but why can't people be honest about things like that? And now he is gone and nothing is settled. "
M44: Subject says that in visiting someone at the hospital, his wife seems to know naturally just how to act toward the person, or, at a public meeting1mows just what kind of questions to ask to draw the person out further instead of shutting him up. "And she is a helper, she is the helpingest person, the most willing and helping person that I've ever known. "
7. CONVENTIONALITY VS. INDIVIDUALISM
Again, as in other areas of life, the values of high-scoring subjects with respect to sex tend to be conventionally determined as opposed to the more individualized values of low-scoring subjects (Category 2 7). This variable differentiates significantly (at the I per cent level) between high- and low- scoring men; a similar trend, I 8 positive and 7 negative instances, is found in women; because of the large proportion of "Neutrals," however, the dif- ference is not statistically significant.
The following records show that in the choice of their mates high-scoring subjects tend to place a great deal of emphasis on socioeconomic status, church membership, and conformity with conventional values. The accent is on what is generally socially approved and accepted. Thus the men expect their future wives to stay home, take care of house and children, and attend church. This tendency is often found in the same men who show evidence of primitive and crude sex experience, outside of marriage (see above).
The conventional approach to marriage is best illustrated by the follow- ing records of high-scoring women:
Fp: "Well, I think that because of the society in which we live, young people
? SEX, PEOPLE, AND SELF SEEN THROUGH INTERVIEWS 403
miss a great deal by not being married in the church of their faith. They lose the reverence for marriage and don't learn the true meaning of ? the marriage vows, when it is done so commercially (in a public office). I think that when people are married in church-by that I don't mean a large wedding necessarily-they have one of the most beautiful experiences of their lives. . . . The thing which the church can teach youth is 'to choose. '" By this, she means principally the choice between right and wrong, but also to choose one's friends. "In a church group one meets the right kind of young people; not the kind who hang around the lake shore at night. "
F78: "It was just love at first sight. He has brown hair, brown eyes, white teeth, not handsome, but good clean-cut looking; beautiful smile; mixes well, easy to get along with but has a will of his own. He's lots of fun, interested in everything. He's a high school graduate, now a mechanic in the ground crew of the Naval Air Transport. He wants to go into something in the mechanical line. Before the war he was an apprentice in the auto industry. . . . " The vocation of her husband really wouldn't matter. She thinks boy friend has good chances of getting along, definitely. She would like a profession-"sort of middle class. "
F74: "Too much emotional feeling involved under these conditions. " (Desirable traits? ) Boy friend should be about the same socioeconomic status. They should enjoy doing the same things and get along without too many quarrels.
Or in high-scoring men:
Ms8: (Wife like? ) "Very good person. She has gone to church, and has con- tinued to . . . ever since the child was born. A very good wife, good mother, and darned good cook. Considerate of my folks . . . helped my mother with money, of her own accord. (What do wife and subject offer each other? ) Well, I'll be dog- goned if I know. Doesn't seem as if any bonds at all. Just she belongs there and so do I. "
M2o: "In my mind, there's no doubt about it. Woman's place is in the home. . . . To keep up a home and make it right and a man should be able to provide for the family. . . . A woman has no business working whatsoever. "
In contrast with the stereotyped and conventional description of their desired or real mates given by the high-scoring subjects, the typical low- scoring subject takes a much more individualized attitude, as shown in the following quotations:
M53: (What sort of girl appeals to you? ) "I don't know. . . . I think I like the ones with more independent spirit. (Q) Well, looks, charm (laughs), humor and a cer- tain freedom of spirit. In thought, I think, more than in action. . . . (Present fiancee? ) Awfully hard to say when you're sold on a girl. . . . Seems to have all the things I like . . . fun to be with, brains, pretty. She likes me, which is important. We share things together. Music, reading, swimming, dancing. Most of the things we do don't require too much energy, which makes it good. "
Mso: (What about your first wife? ) "She was an artist also and a really thorough- going individual. She had a tremendous amount of scope, both intellectually and individually. She is looking for something too. Not as serious as my case, just the case of a girl marrying the wrong person. "
M44: (What sort of person is your wife? ) (laughs) "She's a little bit easy to hurt or touchy about some things. . . . The most admirable thing, the most attractive thing about her is her hands. She has very small, delicate hands. She uses them very well and they're very expressive . . . and she also does things very fast, adept, sews
? THE AUTHORITARIAN PERSONALITY
very well, very domestic, very much the mother. She was never really herself until she had this child, never really complete. "
M2: (Ideal woman? ) "She has to be (I) intelligent, (2) mature, (3) emotionally stable, (4) have adequate physiological characteristics, as well as have (5) culture and personality that goes with this. She should have at least as broad an inter- est and experience as my own, if not broader. She should have a maximum of femi- ninity, since we're all bisexual. You can think of it in terms of a polyfactorial setup (subject then quotes Rosanoff's theory of four factors in sex). "
The preceding descriptions by low-scoring subjects of their real ~r ideal mates reveal a conception of real people and an expectation of finding a person with "independent opinions" and "independent spirit. "
8. SUMMARY
Summarizing the attitude of the typical high-scoring subject toward mem-
bers of the opposite sex, the following may be said: A lack of individuation and of real object relationship can be found in the field of sex as it was previously found in the attitude toward the parents. It is this lack which may be called upon to explain the attitudes described above, such as the relative isolation of sexual impulses from the rest of the personality, the paucity of affection, and the somewhat exploitive, manipulative approach in the choice of a mate. Much of this may be understood in terms of disappoint- ments which apparently had been experienced by many of the extreme high- scorers in their first love-relations, those with their parents.
The same ambivalence which was found in the attitude toward parents can be found again in the sexual domain. Again there is surface admiration, coupled with underlying resentment against the other sex. Ambivalence also tends to be handled by establishing two separate images, one positive and one negative (good and bad women), without, however, being able really to love either of them.
Status-concern and conventionalized values again become predominant and take the place of a genuine and individualized approach. The expecta- tions of qualities in oneself and in one's mate are quite stereotyped and rigid. Shortcomings in these respects are faced as little as they are in other fields. Thus, as pointed out above, high-scoring subjects often think of themselves as the ideal representation of the conventional conception of their sex role.
The attitudes of the low-scoring subjects reveal a rather different picture, though it is much less clear-cut than that of the high scorers. In other words, the "High" variants of the categories in question are often more typical for the high-scoring subjects than the "Low" variants are for the low-scoring sub- jects. On the whole, our low scorers tend toward a more individualized, more internalized, more love-oriented approach toward their mates. (See also Chapter X. )
This does not mean, however, that in most of the cases their problems in
? SEX, PEOPLE, AND SELF SEEN THROUGH INTERVIEWS 405
this field are readily solved. On the contrary, some of the records of low- scoring subjects quoted above reveal a great deal of conflict in this area. Such subjects refer rather frankly to their inadequacies, inhibitions, and failures in sex adjustment. There also is evidence of ambivalence toward one's own sex role and toward the opposite sex although this ambivalence is of a different, more internalized kind from the combination of overt admiration and underlying disrespect characteristic of high scorers. Its clearest repre- sentation is the conflict of the man about his passivity and of the woman about her tendency to follow masculine interests. Ambivalence toward the other sex seems in low scorers often to be the consequence of an overly intense search for love that is not easily satisfied.
Low-scoring men sometimes seem to long for a restoration, in a close relationship with a woman, of the type of love they received from the mother, and this may become a source of dissatisfaction. As Krout and Stagner (65) have shown, male liberals claim less . difficulty in expressing their affection for women and show preference for women of equal status.
The conception of marriage as a rather external affair not involving com- mon interests, and also demonstrating conventional moralism, is given by the record of the following high scorer:
M41: (What was your wife like? ) "A nice person. A nurse, before I married her.
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(Q) Well, I liked her looks and manners. (In what ways were you most alike? ) Well, we weren't much alike in any way. We got along all right. . . . Her mother was Christian Science. (What about her? ) She was Christian Science. (Any chil- dren? ) No. (In what ways most different? ) \Vell, a little different in tastes about things. (Q) Most anything. I liked flowers and she didn't care much for flowers. (Main difficulties? ) I didn't have any. We got along good. I let her have her own way. Takes two to start an argument. (Have her way in what things? ) In most anything. Well, if we was going anywhere, if I went to buy a suit of clothes, I let her pick it out. If we wanted anything for the house, I let her pick it. (Childhood sex experiences? ) Well, I don't remember any. \Vhen I was a kid, such things weren't taught. . . . Such things weren't mentioned by parents or anyone else. If you met a girl on the street, you'd blush. . . . I don't think it's a very good subject to teach. They learn it soon enough. "
The lack of integration of sex and affection found in high-scoring men is likewise illustrated by some of these quotations. Quite commonly, in the girls they would like to marry, they require, above all, moral standards; often this is the only requirement. Frequently their marriages do not seem to be based on companionship or love. As far as their reports about premarital sexual relationships are concerned, they usually manifest contempt for the women involved. In both marriage and the more casual sex relationships there seems to be little concern with common interest and comradeship.
The difference in the attitude toward sexual relationships in high-scoring as compared with low-scoring men can perhaps best be exemplified by two records describing extramarital relationships. In both cases there is evidence of sexual and marital maladjustment. The differences, however, are charac- teristic of the two groups, respectively.
Ms8, a high-scoring man, reports: "And if you're not satisfied it might become uppermost in your mind, even above work, etc. . . . I believe I've seen where it is necessary for emotional stability, to relieve yourself regardless of marriage. (How do you mean? ) First thing you know you're looking around . . . find something some- where and relieve . . . then can go back and concentrate. . . . (What main difficulties have you found in your marriage? ) My wife and I have always been thoroughly compatible . . . (only trivial daily problems) . . . can't think of anything . . . only one particular thing: I got to chasing around with another woman (although my wife had nothing to do with it; there was no conflict with her) it was in me entirely alone. . . . "
Mzo, a low-scoring man: "We have not enjoyed our sexual relationships almost since the first day of our marriage. I don't want it, and we often go for months with- out coitus . . . is that the word? My wife always takes the initiative in our relation- ships; she is very passionate. So am I-I have had three affairs since my marriage. I am having one now and she knows it. "
The first of these men, a high scorer, talks about sex as though it were an ego-alien tension which has to be "relieved" for hygienic reasons. Thus, in the most intimate interpersonal relationships, he displays a utilitarian and
(pseudo-)realistic outlook. The depersonalized attitude in this subject is drastically expressed by referring to his sexual partner as "something," and
? SEX, PEOPLE, AND SELF SEEN THROUGH INTERVIEWS 399
in the phrase "find something somewhere and relieve. " On the other hand, the low-scoring subject, in a somewhat evasive, unperceptive effort to integrate his extramarital relationships into his total life-pattern, exemplifies the inhibited and at the same time impulse-ridden maladjustment sometimes
found in those scoring low on ethnocentrism.
5. EGO-ALIEN AMBIV ALENCE VS. "FONDNESS"
The isolation of sex experience in the typical high scorers is connected with an ambivalent underlying disrespect for, and resentment against, the opposite sex, often hidden behind an externalized and excessive pseudoad- miration. Low scorers, on the other hand, manifest more often genuine respect and fondness for the opposite sex (Category 25). The difference is highly significant (1 per cent level) for men, and satisfactorily significant
(5 per cent level) for women.
An example of the "High" type of ambivalence toward women is the fol-
lowing statement:
M8z: "I don't think men respect women or anything about women, the way they ought to. . . . In other words, women aren't inferior to men. If anything, they are superior. After all, they are the hands that rock the cradle. " His admiration of women goes hand in hand with his conception of women as weak. Subject argues strongly at this point that restrictions should be removed on women, but still ex- presses his disapproval of women in business on the grounds that it would spoil the dependent (i. e. , the home type) woman's chances.
More open lack of appreciation is shown in the following description of his stepmother by a high scorer:
M4o: (What sort of person was your stepmother? ) "Pretty hard to describe, just another woman, I guess . . . nothing glaringly ou. tstanding. (In what ways was she like your father? ) She wasn't. (How different? ) In every way. She wasn't his equal in anything-intellectually. More matter of convenience than anything else. "
Undisguised contempt for girls is displayed by another high scorer:
M u : "But I can't stand being around a bunch of girls, a lot of senseless chatter. They are all the same. Sororities are the cliquiest and the snottiest. "
One of the high-scoring prison inmates blames his fate on his wife:
M57: "This last one I married was really a corker. . . . She just got her divorce. . . . I found out she was married all the time to another man. . . . She got me in here, I guess I got pussy-simple. "
Correspondingly, contempt for men is expressed in the following records of high-scoring women:
F24: "Of course, now if you pick a boy as a friend, right away they want to get juicy. You have to be careful about boys. "
F31: "I wouldn't want to be a factory worker, either. It's not very good to say now, when they need everybody that's working in factories, but I can't see a girl
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working in jeans and around grease and putting themselves on the same level with men. "
Low-scoring subjects, on the other hand, in seeking companionship with the opposite sex, more often manifest some measure of fondness. This at- titude, shown by the following protocols, tends to increase in longer and more intimate relationships, as indicated by the statement of M42 that "a successful marriage certainly leads to familiarity but not to contempt. "
The necessity of frankness in marriage is emphasized by Msg: "When I do meet the one girl for me, I shall explain all my past life to her, because I do not believe that happiness can be based on lies. " The frankness but also the compulsive feature in this statement are characteristic of the type of low scorer with neurotic features (see below).
Another low scorer shows love and respect for a woman in spite of the fact that the marriage did not work out:
Mso: " A t that time I was too self-centered t~ be in love with anyone. . . . I did admire and respect and like her . . . but we never should have gotten married. . . . Today I think we could have a better chance of making a go of it . . . because I have grown up sufficiently. "
This record further shows the inclination toward self-blame and intra- punitiveness often found in low scorers.
Real love and common interest with her husband is stressed by:
F3o: "I thought was wonderful. He was so brilliant and his ideas and aspirations and mine were just alike. . . . W e were all good companions and chums, and and I had settled all the world's problems but we had never really talked about ourselves. "
6. EXPLOITIVE MANIPULA TION FOR POWER
In their relations to the opposite sex as in other interpersonal relationships, high scorers tend toward an exploitive-manipulative type of power orienta- tion. There is more of a warm and affectionate "love-seeking" attitude in the low scorers. Differences with respect to this pair of opposites (Category
(26) are statistically highly significant (r per cent level) for both men and women.
Thus, the traits which high-scoring men tend to emphasize in women are the giving of material benefits and submissiveness ("sweet," "kind and gen- erous"), along with purity ("wholesome") and conventionality. They ex- pect to get something from women often without giving much in return. As in the attitude toward their parents, it is again a dependence oriented primarily toward material benefits rather than a dependence stemming from the wish to give or to receive love, although the latter tendencies are by no means completely squelched. Examples are:
M4o: (What sort of woman would you like to marry? ) "Wealthy woman? . Other
? SEX, PEOPLE, AND SELF SEEN THROUGH INTERVIEWS 40I
requirements? ) Well, I'd like . her to be maximum 35, preferably anywhere between 28 and 30. (Any other specifications? ) I'll take that as it comes. "
M45: "Was married three times. The first time in _ _ at eighteen. It lasted six weeks. My panner in a dance walkathon.
Married on the floor, no love, but received money for it from the spectators. . . . Sex relationship was more enjoyable than with either of my other wives. "
In line with this, the traits which the typical high-scoring woman tends to desire in men are likewise primarily instrumental in getting the things she wants. They are: hard-working, "go-getting," energetic, "a good per- sonality," (conventionally) moral, "clean-cut," deferent toward women. The next record shows clearly the two-sided nature of the demands high-scoring women tend to make upon a man. On the one hand, he must have a strong drive in order to get things for her; on the other, he must be deferent and "thoughtful. "
F7z: (Q) "Fine boy. Father a writer; grandfather secretary of Canal; very wealthy family but he doesn't have the drive and ambition that I want; I just have to have more drive; somebody who doesn't have to lean on me. I had the feel- ing that if I walked away he would collapse. (War changed him? ) He has more ambition but not the drive-l haven't seen him for a long time; that's why I haven't
made any decision. Here you mingle with boys who have so much push and drive; another boy here has everything except that he isn't thoughtful like. . . . I've got to have someone who isn't selfish. I'm not critical-! know I'm not. "
This as well as the next two records of other high-scoring women illus- trate the inherently opportunistic point of view, the looking at men from the standpoint, above all, of social status and the ability to furnish support:
F22: "I'm going to look (among other things) for the fellow's views on support- ing me. I'd like to marry someone, for instance, who is going into a profession- maybe a doctor. (Engagement? ) It didn't take me long to get over it. His father died when he was 3; his mother was 40 when he was born. Father left mother lots of money. He was a playboy, worked but borrowed money from his mother. He was pretty much attached to his mother's apron strings. W e were engaged 7 or 8 months. I'm not demanding, but he was selfish. We argued more and more, broke up by mutual consent. I learned a lot from it-not to go into things blindly. "
F31: "But there is one thing that is bothering me. Saturday night I had a blind date, and I liked him a lot; only he is a sailor and my boy friend is an officer. It's not that I'm conscious of gold braid. . . . (Marriage? ) Well, I'd like someone . . . with a good personality who mixes well with people. Someone who at the same time is serious about the future. My boy friend is an engineer. "
By contrast, low-scoring subjects tend to emphasize as desired traits com- panionship, common interest, warmth, sociability, sexual love, understand- ing, presence of liberal values. Sometimes their quest for love is so intense and unrealistic that it becomes a source of disappointment to them. This search for the "great romantic love" seems to be based on a wish to restore a successful early relation with a parent, based on nurturance and succor-
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ance. As they were found to be for parents, expressions of passionate love for sex partners are generally infrequent in our interview material, however. Two records may suffice to illustrate, each in its own way, the different quality of what low-scoring subjects expect from their partners as well as a
certain pervasive tendency toward self-blame.
F34: She talks of looking forward to marriage and children eventually, but she has modest financial requirements for a husband. She has had many boy friends and is the "romantic type. " "I always want to feel this is my great love-and then it isn't. That sort of thing is all right when you are in school. But nowadays when your boy friend goes away to war and you write letters and build up a lot of things that may not even be there-it isn't fair to either person. " She has been "sort of engaged" for two years to a boy she knew in school. He has been overseas in the navy and they have written regularly-romantic letters. She goes out with other boys and he knows this and doesn't object. She hasn't fallen in love with anyone else, but her worry is that her feeling for him is not love. He came home on furlough, and his family, who live in now, had her come down to their home and stay there for several days while he was there. She feels that he sensed that she did not feel the same, and yet she could not bring herself to say anything. She believes this was very cowardly of her and shows an absence of character. She thinks it is quite possible the boy's feelings have changed too, "but why can't people be honest about things like that? And now he is gone and nothing is settled. "
M44: Subject says that in visiting someone at the hospital, his wife seems to know naturally just how to act toward the person, or, at a public meeting1mows just what kind of questions to ask to draw the person out further instead of shutting him up. "And she is a helper, she is the helpingest person, the most willing and helping person that I've ever known. "
7. CONVENTIONALITY VS. INDIVIDUALISM
Again, as in other areas of life, the values of high-scoring subjects with respect to sex tend to be conventionally determined as opposed to the more individualized values of low-scoring subjects (Category 2 7). This variable differentiates significantly (at the I per cent level) between high- and low- scoring men; a similar trend, I 8 positive and 7 negative instances, is found in women; because of the large proportion of "Neutrals," however, the dif- ference is not statistically significant.
The following records show that in the choice of their mates high-scoring subjects tend to place a great deal of emphasis on socioeconomic status, church membership, and conformity with conventional values. The accent is on what is generally socially approved and accepted. Thus the men expect their future wives to stay home, take care of house and children, and attend church. This tendency is often found in the same men who show evidence of primitive and crude sex experience, outside of marriage (see above).
The conventional approach to marriage is best illustrated by the follow- ing records of high-scoring women:
Fp: "Well, I think that because of the society in which we live, young people
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miss a great deal by not being married in the church of their faith. They lose the reverence for marriage and don't learn the true meaning of ? the marriage vows, when it is done so commercially (in a public office). I think that when people are married in church-by that I don't mean a large wedding necessarily-they have one of the most beautiful experiences of their lives. . . . The thing which the church can teach youth is 'to choose. '" By this, she means principally the choice between right and wrong, but also to choose one's friends. "In a church group one meets the right kind of young people; not the kind who hang around the lake shore at night. "
F78: "It was just love at first sight. He has brown hair, brown eyes, white teeth, not handsome, but good clean-cut looking; beautiful smile; mixes well, easy to get along with but has a will of his own. He's lots of fun, interested in everything. He's a high school graduate, now a mechanic in the ground crew of the Naval Air Transport. He wants to go into something in the mechanical line. Before the war he was an apprentice in the auto industry. . . . " The vocation of her husband really wouldn't matter. She thinks boy friend has good chances of getting along, definitely. She would like a profession-"sort of middle class. "
F74: "Too much emotional feeling involved under these conditions. " (Desirable traits? ) Boy friend should be about the same socioeconomic status. They should enjoy doing the same things and get along without too many quarrels.
Or in high-scoring men:
Ms8: (Wife like? ) "Very good person. She has gone to church, and has con- tinued to . . . ever since the child was born. A very good wife, good mother, and darned good cook. Considerate of my folks . . . helped my mother with money, of her own accord. (What do wife and subject offer each other? ) Well, I'll be dog- goned if I know. Doesn't seem as if any bonds at all. Just she belongs there and so do I. "
M2o: "In my mind, there's no doubt about it. Woman's place is in the home. . . . To keep up a home and make it right and a man should be able to provide for the family. . . . A woman has no business working whatsoever. "
In contrast with the stereotyped and conventional description of their desired or real mates given by the high-scoring subjects, the typical low- scoring subject takes a much more individualized attitude, as shown in the following quotations:
M53: (What sort of girl appeals to you? ) "I don't know. . . . I think I like the ones with more independent spirit. (Q) Well, looks, charm (laughs), humor and a cer- tain freedom of spirit. In thought, I think, more than in action. . . . (Present fiancee? ) Awfully hard to say when you're sold on a girl. . . . Seems to have all the things I like . . . fun to be with, brains, pretty. She likes me, which is important. We share things together. Music, reading, swimming, dancing. Most of the things we do don't require too much energy, which makes it good. "
Mso: (What about your first wife? ) "She was an artist also and a really thorough- going individual. She had a tremendous amount of scope, both intellectually and individually. She is looking for something too. Not as serious as my case, just the case of a girl marrying the wrong person. "
M44: (What sort of person is your wife? ) (laughs) "She's a little bit easy to hurt or touchy about some things. . . . The most admirable thing, the most attractive thing about her is her hands. She has very small, delicate hands. She uses them very well and they're very expressive . . . and she also does things very fast, adept, sews
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very well, very domestic, very much the mother. She was never really herself until she had this child, never really complete. "
M2: (Ideal woman? ) "She has to be (I) intelligent, (2) mature, (3) emotionally stable, (4) have adequate physiological characteristics, as well as have (5) culture and personality that goes with this. She should have at least as broad an inter- est and experience as my own, if not broader. She should have a maximum of femi- ninity, since we're all bisexual. You can think of it in terms of a polyfactorial setup (subject then quotes Rosanoff's theory of four factors in sex). "
The preceding descriptions by low-scoring subjects of their real ~r ideal mates reveal a conception of real people and an expectation of finding a person with "independent opinions" and "independent spirit. "
8. SUMMARY
Summarizing the attitude of the typical high-scoring subject toward mem-
bers of the opposite sex, the following may be said: A lack of individuation and of real object relationship can be found in the field of sex as it was previously found in the attitude toward the parents. It is this lack which may be called upon to explain the attitudes described above, such as the relative isolation of sexual impulses from the rest of the personality, the paucity of affection, and the somewhat exploitive, manipulative approach in the choice of a mate. Much of this may be understood in terms of disappoint- ments which apparently had been experienced by many of the extreme high- scorers in their first love-relations, those with their parents.
The same ambivalence which was found in the attitude toward parents can be found again in the sexual domain. Again there is surface admiration, coupled with underlying resentment against the other sex. Ambivalence also tends to be handled by establishing two separate images, one positive and one negative (good and bad women), without, however, being able really to love either of them.
Status-concern and conventionalized values again become predominant and take the place of a genuine and individualized approach. The expecta- tions of qualities in oneself and in one's mate are quite stereotyped and rigid. Shortcomings in these respects are faced as little as they are in other fields. Thus, as pointed out above, high-scoring subjects often think of themselves as the ideal representation of the conventional conception of their sex role.
The attitudes of the low-scoring subjects reveal a rather different picture, though it is much less clear-cut than that of the high scorers. In other words, the "High" variants of the categories in question are often more typical for the high-scoring subjects than the "Low" variants are for the low-scoring sub- jects. On the whole, our low scorers tend toward a more individualized, more internalized, more love-oriented approach toward their mates. (See also Chapter X. )
This does not mean, however, that in most of the cases their problems in
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this field are readily solved. On the contrary, some of the records of low- scoring subjects quoted above reveal a great deal of conflict in this area. Such subjects refer rather frankly to their inadequacies, inhibitions, and failures in sex adjustment. There also is evidence of ambivalence toward one's own sex role and toward the opposite sex although this ambivalence is of a different, more internalized kind from the combination of overt admiration and underlying disrespect characteristic of high scorers. Its clearest repre- sentation is the conflict of the man about his passivity and of the woman about her tendency to follow masculine interests. Ambivalence toward the other sex seems in low scorers often to be the consequence of an overly intense search for love that is not easily satisfied.
Low-scoring men sometimes seem to long for a restoration, in a close relationship with a woman, of the type of love they received from the mother, and this may become a source of dissatisfaction. As Krout and Stagner (65) have shown, male liberals claim less . difficulty in expressing their affection for women and show preference for women of equal status.
