No More Learning

_ Whither shall I go?

_So. _ Get all your Things together, give 'em to me in the Evening, my
Servant shall carry 'em privately to a faithful Matron: And I'll come a
little after and take you out as if it were to take a little Walk; you
shall live with her some Time upon my Cost till I can provide for you,
and that shall be very quickly.

_Lu. _ Well, my _Sophronius_, I commit myself wholly to thy Management.

_So. _ In Time to come you'll be glad you have done so.




_The POETICAL FEAST. _


The ARGUMENT.

_The Poetical Feast teaches the Studious how to banquet.
That Thriftiness with Jocoseness, Chearfulness without
Obscenity, and learned Stories, ought to season their
Feasts. Iambics are bloody. Poets are Men of no great
Judgment. The three chief Properties of a good Maid
Servant. Fidelity, Deformity, and a high Spirit. A Place
out of the Prologue of_ Terence's Eunuchus _is
illustrated. Also_ Horace's _Epode to_ Canidia. _A Place
out of_ Seneca. Aliud agere, nihil agere, male agere. _A
Place out of the Elenchi of_ Aristotle _is explain'd. A
Theme poetically varied, and in a different Metre.
Sentences are taken from Flowers and Trees in the Garden.
Also some Verses are compos'd in_ Greek.


HILARY, LEONARD, CRATO, GUESTS, MARGARET, CARINUS, EUBULUS, SBRULIUS,
PARTHENIUS, MUS, _Hilary_'s Servant.

Hi. _Levis apparatus, animus est lautissimus. _

Le. _Cænam sinistro es auspicatus omine. _

Hi. _Imo absit omen triste. Sed cur hoc putas? _

Le. _Cruenti Iambi haud congruent convivio. _

Hi. _I have but slender Fare, but a very liberal Mind. _

Le. _You have begun the Banquet with a bad Omen. _

Hi. _Away with bad Presages. But why do you think so? _

Le. _Bloody Iambics are not fit for a Feast. _

_Cr. _ O brave! I am sure the Muses are amongst us, Verses flow so from
us, when we don't think of 'em.

_Si rotatiles trochaeos mavelis, en, accipe:
Vilis apparatus heic est, animus est lautissimus. _

If you had rather have whirling Trochees, lo, here they are for you:
Here is but mean Provision, but I have a liberal Mind.

Although Iambics in old Time were made for Contentions and Quarrels,
they were afterwards made to serve any Subject whatsoever. O Melons!
Here you have Melons that grew in my own Garden. These are creeping
Lettuces of a very milky Juice, like their Name. What Man in his Wits
would not prefer these Delicacies before Brawn, Lampreys, and Moor-Hens?

_Cr. _ If a Man may be allow'd to speak Truth at a Poetic Banquet, those
you call Lettuces are Beets.

_Hi. _ God forbid.

_Cr. _ It is as I tell you. See the Shape of 'em, and besides where is
the milky Juice? Where are their soft Prickles?

_Hi. _ Truly you make me doubt. Soho, call the Wench. _Margaret_, you
Hag, what did you mean to give us Beets instead of Lettuces?

_Ma. _ I did it on Purpose.

_Hi. _ What do you say, you Witch?

_Ma. _ I had a Mind to try among so many Poets if any could know a
Lettuce from a Beet. For I know you don't tell me truly who 'twas that
discover'd 'em to be Beets.

_Guests. _ _Crato_.

_Ma. _ I thought it was no Poet who did it.

_Hi. _ If ever you serve me so again, I'll call you _Blitea_ instead of
_Margarita_.

_Gu. _ Ha, ha, ha.

_Ma. _ Your calling me will neither make me fatter nor leaner. He calls
me by twenty Names in a Day's Time: When he has a Mind to wheedle me,
then I'm call'd _Galatea, Euterpe, Calliope, Callirhoe, Melissa, Venus,
Minerva_, and what not? When he's out of Humour at any Thing, then
presently I'm _Tisiphone_, _Megaera_, _Alecto_, _Medusa_, _Baucis_, and
whatsoever comes into his Head in his mad Mood.

_Hi. _ Get you gone with your Beets, _Blitea_.

_Ma. _ I wonder what you call'd me for.

_Hi. _ That you may go whence you came.

_Ma. _ 'Tis an old Saying and a true, 'tis an easier Matter to raise the
Devil, than 'tis to lay him.

_Gu. _ Ha, ha, ha: Very well said. As the Matter is, _Hilary_, you stand
in Need of some magic Verse to lay her with.

_Hi. _ I have got one ready.

[Greek: Pheugete, kantharides lukos agrios umme diôkei. ]

Be gone ye Beetles, for the cruel Wolf pursues you.

_Ma. _ What says _Æsop? _

_Cr. _ Have a Care, _Hilary_, she'll hit you a Slap on the Face: This is
your laying her with your _Greek_ Verse. A notable Conjurer indeed!

_Hi. _ _Crato_, What do you think of this Jade? I could have laid ten
great Devils with such a Verse as this.

_Ma. _ I don't care a Straw for your _Greek_ Verses.

_Hi. _ Well then, I must make use of a magical Spell, or, if that won't
do, _Mercury's_ Mace.

_Cr. _ My _Margaret_, you know we Poets are a Sort of Enthusiasts, I
won't say Mad-Men; prithee let me intreat you to let alone this
Contention 'till another Time, and treat us with good Humour at this
Supper for my Sake.

_Ma. _ What does he trouble me with his Verses for? Often when I am to go
to Market he has never a Penny of Money to give me, and yet he's a
humming of Verses.

_Cr. _ Poets are such Sort of Men. But however, prithee do as I say.

_Ma. _ Indeed I will do it for your Sake, because I know you are an
honest Gentleman, that never beat your Brain about such Fooleries. I
wonder how you came to fall into such Company.

_Cr. _ How come you to think so?

_Ma. _ Because you have a full Nose, sparkling Eyes, and a plump Body.
Now do but see how he leers and sneers at me.

_Cr. _ But prithee, Sweet-Heart, keep your Temper for my Sake.

_Ma. _ Well, I will go, and 'tis for your Sake and no Body's else.

_Hi. _ Is she gone?

_Ma. _ Not so far but she can hear you.

_Mus. _ She is in the Kitchen, now, muttering something to herself I
can't tell what.

_Cr. _ I'll assure you your Maid is not dumb.

_Hi. _ They say a good Maid Servant ought especially to have three
Qualifications; to be honest, ugly, and high-spirited, which the Vulgar
call evil. An honest Servant won't waste, an ugly one Sweet-Hearts won't
woo, and one that is high-spirited will defend her Master's Right; for
sometimes there is Occasion for Hands as well as a Tongue. This Maid of
mine has two of these Qualifications, she's as ugly as she's surly; as
to her Honesty I can't tell what to say to that.

_Cr. _ We have heard her Tongue, we were afraid of her Hands upon your
Account.

_Hi. _ Take some of these Pompions: We have done with the Lettuces. For I
know if I should bid her bring any Lettuces, she would bring Thistles.
Here are Melons too, if any Body likes them better. Here are new Figs
too just gather'd, as you may see by the Milk in the Stalks. It is
customary to drink Water after Figs, lest they clog the Stomach. Here is
very cool clear Spring Water that runs out of this Fountain, that is
good to mix with Wine.

_Cr. _ But I can't tell whether I had best to mix Water with my Wine, or
Wine with Water; this Wine seems to me so likely to have been drawn out
of the Muses Fountain.

_Hi. _ Such Wine as this is good for Poets to sharpen their Wits. You
dull Fellows love heavy Liquors.

_Cr. _ I wish I was that happy _Crassus_.

_Hi. _ I had rather be _Codrus_ or _Ennius_. And seeing I happen to have
the Company of so many learned Guests at my Table, I won't let 'em go
away without learning something of 'em. There is a Place in the Prologue
of _Eunuchus_ that puzzles many. For most Copies have it thus:

_Sic existimet, sciat,
Responsum, non dictum esse, quid laesit prior,
Qui bene vertendo, et ects describendo male, &c.

Let him so esteem or know, that it is an Answer, not a common Saying;
because he first did the Injury, who by well translating and ill
describing them, &c. _

In these Words I want a witty Sense, and such as is worthy of _Terence_.
For he did not therefore do the Wrong first, because he translated the
_Greek_ Comedies badly, but because he had found Fault with _Terence's. _

Eu. According to the old Proverb, _He that sings worst let him begin
first. _ When I was at _London_ in _Thomas Linacre's_ House, who is a Man
tho' well skill'd in all Manner of Philosophy, yet he is very ready in
all Criticisms in Grammar, he shew'd me a Book of great Antiquity which
had it thus:

_Sic existimet, stiat,
Responsum, non dictum esse, quale sit prius
Qui bene vertendo, et eas describendo male,
Ex Graecis bonis Latinas fecit non bonas:
Idem Menandri Phasma nunc nuper dedit. _

The Sentence is so to be ordered, that _quale sit_ may shew that an
Example of that which is spoken before is to be subjoin'd. He threatened
that he would again find Fault with something in his Comedies who had
found Fault with him, and he here denies that it ought to seem a
Reproach but an Answer. He that provokes begins the Quarrel; he that
being provok'd, replies, only makes his Defence or Answer. He promises
to give an Example thereof, _quale sit_, being the same with [Greek:
oion] in _Greek_, and _quod genus, veluti_, or _videlicet_, or _puta_ in
Latin. Then afterwards he brings a reproof, wherein the Adverb _prius_
hath Relation to another Adverb, as it were a contrary one, which
follows, _viz. nuper_ even as the Pronoun _qui_ answers to the Word
_idem_. For he altogether explodes the old Comedies of _Lavinius_,
because they were now lost out of the Memory of Men. In those which he
had lately published, he sets down the certain Places. I think that this
is the proper Reading, and the true Sense of the Comedian: If the chief
and ordinary Poets dissent not from it.

_Gu. _ We are all entirely of your Opinion.

_Eu. _ But I again desire to be inform'd by you of one small and very
easy Thing, how this Verse is to be scann'd.

_Ex Græcis bonis Latinas fecit non bonas. _

Scan it upon your Fingers.

_Hi. _ I think that according to the Custom of the Antients _s_ is to be
cut off, so that there be an _Anapaestus_ in the second Place.

_Eu. _ I should agree to it, but that the Ablative Case ends in _is_, and
is long by Nature. Therefore though the Consonant should be taken away,
yet nevertheless a long Vowel remains.

_Hi. _ You say right.

_Cr. _ If any unlearned Person or Stranger should come in, he would
certainly think we were bringing up again among ourselves the
Countrymens Play of holding up our Fingers (_dimicatione digitorum_,
_i. e. _ the Play of Love).

_Le. _ As far as I see, we scan it upon our Fingers to no Purpose. Do you
help us out if you can.

_Eu. _ To see how small a Matter sometimes puzzles Men, though they be
good Scholars!
The Preposition _ex_ belongs to the End of the foregoing
Verse.

_Qui bene vertendo, et eas describendo male, ex
Graecis bonis Latinas fecit non bonas. _

Thus there is no Scruple.

_Le. _ It is so, by the Muses. Since we have begun to scan upon our
Fingers, I desire that somebody would put this Verse out of _Andria_
into its Feet.

Sine invidia laudem invenias, et amicos pares.

For I have often tri'd and could do no good on't.

_Le. Sine in_ is an Iambic, _vidia_ an Anapæstus, _Laudem in_ is a
Spondee, _venias_ an Anapæstus, _et ami_ another Anapæstus.

_Ca. _ You have five Feet already, and there are three Syllables yet
behind, the first of which is long; so that thou canst neither make it
an _Iambic_ nor a _Tribrach. _

_Le. _ Indeed you say true. We are aground; who shall help us off?

_Eu. _ No Body can do it better than he that brought us into it. Well,
_Carinus_, if thou canst say any Thing to the Matter, don't conceal it
from your poor sincere Friends.

_Ca. _ If my Memory does not fail me, I think I have read something of
this Nature in _Priscian_, who says, that among the Latin Comedians _v_
Consonant is cut off as well as the Vowel, as oftentimes in this Word
_enimvero;_ so that the part _enime_ makes an Anapæstus.

_Le. _ Then scan it for us.

_Ca. _ I'll do it. _Sine inidi_ is a proseleusmatic Foot, unless you had
rather have it cut off _i_ by Syneresis, as when _Virgil_ puts _aureo_
at the End of an heroick Verse for _auro. _ But if you please let there
be a Tribrach in the first Place, _a lau_ is a Spondee, _d'inveni_ a
Dactyl, _as et a_ a Dactyl, _micos_ a Spondee, _pares_ an Iambic.

_Sb. Carinus_ hath indeed got us out of these Briars. But in the same
Scene there is a Place, which I can't tell whether any Body has taken
Notice of or not.

_Hi. _ Prithee, let us have it.

_Sb. _ There _Simo_ speaks after this Manner.

Sine ut eveniat, quod volo,
In Pamphilo ut nihil sit morae, restat Chremes.

_Suppose it happen, as I desire, that there be no delay in_ Pamphilus;
Chremes _remains. _

What is it that troubles you in these Words?

_Sb. Sine_ being a Term of Threatning, there is nothing follows in this
Place that makes for a Threatning. Therefore it is my Opinion that the
Poet wrote it,

_Sin eveniat, quod volo;_

that _Sin_ may answer to the _Si_ that went before.

_Si propter amorem uxorem nolit ducere. _

For the old Man propounds two Parts differing from one another: _Si, &c.
If_ Pamphilus _for the Love of_ Glycerie _refuseth to marry, I shall
have some Cause to chide him; but if he shall not refuse, then it
remains that I must intreat_ Chremes. Moreover the Interruption of
_Sosia_, and _Simo_'s Anger against _Davus_ made too long a
Transposition of the Words.

_Hi. _ _Mouse_, reach me that Book.

_Cr. _ Do you commit your Book to a Mouse?

_Hi. _ More safely than my Wine. Let me never stir, if _Sbrulius_ has not
spoken the Truth.

_Ca. _ Give me the Book, I'll shew you another doubtful Place. This Verse
is not found in the Prologue of _Eunuchus_:

_Habeo alia multa, quæ nunc condonabuntur. _

_I have many other Things, which shall now be delivered. _

Although the _Latin_ Comedians especially take great Liberty to
themselves in this Kind of Verse, yet I don't remember that they any
where conclude a Trimetre with a Spondee, unless it be read
_Condonabitur_ impersonally, or _Condonabimus_, changing the Number of
the Person.

_Ma. _ Oh, this is like Poets Manners indeed! As soon as ever they are
set down to Dinner they are at Play, holding up their Fingers, and
poring upon their Books. It were better to reserve your Plays and your
Scholarship for the second Course.

_Cr. Margaret_ gives us no bad Counsel, we'll humour her; when we have
fill'd our Bellies, we'll go to our Play again; now we'll play with our
Fingers in the Dish.

_Hi. _ Take Notice of Poetick Luxury. You have three Sorts of Eggs,
boil'd, roasted, and fry'd; they are all very new, laid within these two
Days.

_Par. _ I can't abide to eat Butter; if they are fry'd with Oil, I shall
like 'em very well.

_Hi. _ Boy, go ask _Margaret_ what they are fry'd in.

_Mo. _ She says they are fry'd in neither.

_Hi. _ What! neither in Butter nor Oil. In what then?

_Mo. _ She says they are fry'd in Lye.

_Cr. _ She has given you an Answer like your Question. What a great
Difficulty 'tis to distinguish Butter from Oil.

_Ca. _ Especially for those that can so easily know a Lettuce from a
Beet.

_Hi. _ Well, you have had the Ovation, the Triumph will follow in Time.
Soho, Boy, look about you, do you perceive nothing to be wanting?

_Mo. _ Yes, a great many Things.

_Hi. _ These Eggs lack Sauce to allay their Heat.

_Mo. _ What Sauce would you have?

_Hi. _ Bid her send us some Juice of the Tendrels of a Vine pounded.

_Mo. _ I'll tell her, Sir.

_Hi. _ What, do you come back empty-handed?

_Mo. _ She says, Juice is not used to be squeez'd out of Vine Tendrels.

_Le. _ A fine Maid Servant, indeed!

_Sb. _ Well, we'll season our Eggs with pleasant Stories. I found a Place
in the Epodes of _Horace_, not corrupted as to the Writing, but wrong
interpreted, and not only by _Mancinellus_, and other later Writers; but
by _Porphyry_ himself. The Place is in the Poem, where he sings a
Recantation to the Witch _Canidia_.

_tuusque venter pactumeius, et tuo
cruore rubros obstetrix pannos lavit,
utcunque fortis exilis puerpera. _

For they all take _exilis_ to be a Noun in this Place, when it is a
Verb. I'll write down _Porphyry_'s Words, if we can believe 'em to be
his: She is _exilis_, says he, under that Form, as though she were
become deform'd by Travel; by Slenderness of Body, he means a natural
Leanness. A shameful Mistake, if so great a Man did not perceive that
the Law of the Metre did contradict this Sense. Nor does the fourth
Place admit of a Spondee: but the Poet makes a Jest of it; that she did
indeed bear a Child, though she was not long weak, nor kept her Bed long
after her Delivery; but presently jumpt out of Bed, as some lusty
lying-in Women used to do.

_Hi. _ We thank you _Sbrulius_, for giving us such fine Sauce to our
Eggs.

_Le. _ There is another Thing in the first Book of _Odes_ that is not
much unlike this. The _Ode_ begins thus: _Tu ne quæ sieris. _ Now the
common Reading is thus, _Neu Babylonios Tentaris numeros, ut melius
quicquid erit pati_. The antient Interpreters pass this Place over, as
if there were no Difficulty in it. Only _Mancinettus_ thinking the
Sentence imperfect, bids us add _possis_.

_Sb. _ Have you any Thing more that is certain about this Matter?

_Le. _ I don't know whether I have or no; but in my Opinion, _Horace_
seems here to have made Use of the _Greek_ Idiom; and this he does more
than any other of the Poets. For it is a very common Thing with the
_Greeks_, to join an infinitive Mood with the Word [Greek: hôs] and
[Greek: hôste]. And so _Horace_ uses _ut pati_, for _ut patiaris_:
Although what _Mancinellus_ guesses, is not altogether absurd.

_Hi. _ I like what you say very well. Run, _Mouse_, and bring what is to
come, if there be any Thing.

_Cr. _ What new dainty Dish is this?

_Hi. _ This is a Cucumber sliced; this is the Broth of the Pulp of a
Gourd boil'd, it is good to make the Belly loose.

_Sb. _ Truly a medical feast.

_Hi. _ Take it in good Part. There's a Fowl to come out of our Hen-Coop.

_Sb. _ We will change thy Name, and call thee _Apicius_, instead of
_Hilary_.

_Hi. _ Well, laugh now as much as you will, it may be you'll highly
commend this Supper to Morrow.

_Sb. _ Why so?

_Hi. _ When you find that your Dinner has been well season'd.

_Sb. _ What, with a good Stomach?

_Hi. _ Yes, indeed.

_Cr. _ _Hilary_, do you know what Task I would have you take upon you?

_Hi. _ I shall know when you have told me.

_Cr. _ The Choir sings some Hymns, that are indeed learned ones; but are
corrupted in many Places by unlearned Persons. I desire that you would
mend 'em; and to give you an Example, we sing thus:

_Hostis Herodes impie,
Christum venire quid times? _

_Thou wicked Enemy_ Herod, _why dost thou dread the Coming
of Christ? _

The mis-placing of one Word spoils the Verse two Ways. For the Word
_hostis_, making a Trochee, has no Place in an _Iambick Verse_, and
_Hero_ being a _Spondee_ won't stand in the second Place. Nor is there
any doubt but the Verse at first was thus written,

_Herodes hostis impie. _

For the Epithete _impie_ better agrees with _Hostis_ than with _Herod_.
Besides _Herodes_ being a _Greek_ Word [Greek: ê or ae] is turned into
[Greek: e] in the vocative; as [Greek: Sôkrataes, ô Sokrates]; and so
[Greek: Agamemnôn [Transcribers Note: this word appears in Greek with
the ô represented by the character omega. ]] in the nominative Case is
turned into _[Greek: o]_. So again we sing the Hymn,

_Jesu corona virginum,
Quem mater ilia concepit,
Quæ sola virgo parturit.

O Jesus the Crown of Virgins,
Whom she the Mother conceiv'd,
Which was the only Person of a Virgin that brought forth. _

There is no Doubt but the Word should be pronounc'd _concipit. _ For the
Change of the Tense sets off a Word. And it is ridiculous for us to
find Fault with _concipit_ when _parlurit_ follows.

_Hi. _ Truly I have been puzzled at a great many such Things; nor will it
be amiss, if hereafter we bestow a little Time upon this Matter. For
methinks _Ambrose_ has not a little Grace in this Kind of Verse, for he
does commonly end a Verse of four Feet with a Word of three Syllables,
and commonly places a _cæsura_ in the End of a Word. It is so common
with him that it cannot seem to have been by Chance. If you would have
an Example, _Deus Creator_. Here is a _Penthemimeris_, it follows,
_omnium; Polique rector_, then follows, _vestiens; diem decoro_, and
then _lumine; noctem soporis_, then follows _gratia_.

_Hi. _ But here's a good fat Hen that has laid me Eggs, and hatch'd me
Chickens for ten Years together.

_Cr. _ It is Pity that she should have been kill'd.

_Ca. _ If it were fit to intermingle any Thing of graver Studies, I have
something to propose.

_Hi. _ Yes, if it be not too crabbed.

_Ca. _ That it is not. I lately began to read _Seneca's_ Epistles, and
stumbled, as they say, at the very Threshold. The Place is in the first
Epistle; _And if_, says he, _thou wilt but observe it, great Part of our
Life passes away while we are doing what is ill; the greatest Part,
while we are doing nothing, and the whole of it while we are doing that
which is to no Purpose_. In this Sentence, he seems to affect I can't
tell what Sort of Witticism, which I do not well understand.

_Le. _ I'll guess, if you will.

_Ca. _ Do so.

_Le. _ No Man offends continually. But, nevertheless, a great Part of
one's Life is lost in Excess, Lust, Ambition, and other Vices; but a
much greater Part is lost in doing of nothing. Moreover they are said to
do nothing, not who live in Idleness, but they who are busied about
frivolous Things which conduce nothing at all to our Happiness: And
thence comes the Proverb, _It is better to be idle, than to be doing,
but to no Purpose_. But the whole Life is spent in doing another Thing.
He is said, _aliud agere_, who does not mind what he is about. So that
the whole of Life is lost: Because when we are vitiously employ'd we are
doing what we should not do; when we are employ'd about frivolous
Matters we do that we should not do; and when we study Philosophy, in
that we do it negligently and carelesly, we do something to no Purpose.
If this Interpretation don't please you, let this Sentence of _Seneca_
be set down among those Things of this Author that _Aulus Gellius_
condemns in this Writer as frivolously witty.

_Hi. _ Indeed I like it very well. But in the mean Time, let us fall
manfully upon the Hen. I would not have you mistaken, I have no more
Provision for you.