No More Learning

DEMOSTHENES. Hail! illustrious conqueror, but forget not, that if you
have become a great man, 'tis thanks to me; I ask but a little thing;
appoint me secretary of the law-court in the room of Phanus.

DEMOS (_to the Sausage-seller_). But what is your name then? Tell me.

SAUSAGE-SELLER. My name is Agoracritus, because I have always lived on
the market-place in the midst of lawsuits. [133]

DEMOS. Well then, Agoracritus, I stand by you; as for the Paphlagonian, I
hand him over to your mercy.

AGORACRITUS. Demos, I will care for you to the best of my power, and all
shall admit that no citizen is more devoted than I to this city of
simpletons.

CHORUS. What fitter theme for our Muse, at the close as at the beginning
of his work, than this, to sing the hero who drives his swift steeds down
the arena? Why afflict Lysistratus with our satires on his poverty,[134]
and Thumantis,[135] who has not so much as a lodging? He is dying of
hunger and can be seen at Delphi, his face bathed in tears, clinging to
your quiver, oh, Apollo! and supplicating you to take him out of his
misery.

An insult directed at the wicked is not to be censured; on the contrary,
the honest man, if he has sense, can only applaud. Him, whom I wish to
brand with infamy, is little known himself; 'tis the brother of
Arignotus. [136] I regret to quote this name which is so dear to me, but
whoever can distinguish black from white, or the Orthian mode of music
from others, knows the virtues of Arignotus, whom his brother,
Ariphrades,[137] in no way resembles. He gloats in vice, is not merely a
dissolute man and utterly debauched--but he has actually invented a new
form of vice; for he pollutes his tongue with abominable pleasures in
brothels licking up that nauseous moisture and befouling his beard as he
tickles the lips of lewd women's private parts. [138] Whoever is not
horrified at such a monster shall never drink from the same cup with me.

At times a thought weighs on me at night; I wonder whence comes this
fearful voracity of Cleonymus. [139] 'Tis said, that when dining with a
rich host, he springs at the dishes with the gluttony of a wild beast and
never leaves the bread-bin until his host seizes him round the knees,
exclaiming, "Go, go, good gentleman, in mercy go, and spare my poor
table! "

'Tis said that the triremes assembled in council and that the oldest
spoke in these terms, "Are you ignorant, my sisters, of what is plotting
in Athens? They say, that a certain Hyperbolus,[140] a bad citizen and an
infamous scoundrel, asks for a hundred of us to take them to sea against
Chalcedon. "[141] All were indignant, and one of them, as yet a virgin,
cried, "May god forbid that I should ever obey him! I would prefer to
grow old in the harbour and be gnawed by worms. No! by the gods I swear
it, Nauphante, daughter of Nauson, shall never bend to his law; 'tis as
true as I am made of wood and pitch. If the Athenians vote for the
proposal of Hyperbolus, let them! we will hoist full sail and seek refuge
by the temple of Theseus or the shrine of the Euminides. [142] No! he
shall not command us! No! he shall not play with the city to this extent!
Let him sail by himself for Tartarus, if such please him, launching the
boats in which he used to sell his lamps. "

AGORACRITUS. Maintain a holy silence! Keep your mouths from utterance!
call no more witnesses; close these tribunals, which are the delight of
this city, and gather at the theatre to chant the Paean of thanksgiving
to the gods for a fresh favour.

CHORUS. Oh! torch of sacred Athens, saviour of the Islands, what good
tidings are we to celebrate by letting the blood of the victims flow in
our market-places?

AGORACRITUS. I have freshened Demos up somewhat on the stove and have
turned his ugliness into beauty.

CHORUS. I admire your inventive genius; but, where is he?

AGORACRITUS. He is living in ancient Athens, the city of the garlands of
violets.

CHORUS. How I should like to see him! What is his dress like, what his
manner?

AGORACRITUS. He has once more become as he was in the days when he lived
with Aristides and Miltiades. But you will judge for yourselves, for I
hear the vestibule doors opening. Hail with your shouts of gladness the
Athens of old, which now doth reappear to your gaze, admirable, worthy of
the songs of the poets and the home of the illustrious Demos.

CHORUS. Oh! noble, brilliant Athens, whose brow is wreathed with violets,
show us the sovereign master of this land and of all Greece.

AGORACRITUS. Lo! here he is coming with his hair held in place with a
golden band and in all the glory of his old-world dress; perfumed with
myrrh, he spreads around him not the odour of lawsuits, but of peace.

CHORUS. Hail! King of Greece, we congratulate you upon the happiness you
enjoy; it is worthy of this city, worthy of the glory of Marathon.

DEMOS. Come, Agoracritus, come, my best friend; see the service you have
done me by freshening me up on your stove.

AGORACRITUS. Ah! if you but remembered what you were formerly and what
you did, you would for a certainty believe me to be a god.

DEMOS. But what did I? and how was I then?

AGORACRITUS. Firstly, so soon as ever an orator declared in the assembly
"Demos, I love you ardently; 'tis I alone, who dream of you and watch
over your interests"; at such an exordium you would look like a cock
flapping his wings or a bull tossing his horns.

DEMOS. What, I?

AGORACRITUS. Then, after he had fooled you to the hilt, he would go.

DEMOS. What! they would treat me so, and I never saw it!

AGORACRITUS. You knew only how to open and close your ears like a
sunshade.

DEMOS. Was I then so stupid and such a dotard?

AGORACRITUS. Worse than that; if one of two orators proposed to equip a
fleet for war and the other suggested the use of the same sum for paying
out to the citizens, 'twas the latter who always carried the day. Well!
you droop your head! you turn away your face?

DEMOS. I redden at my past errors.

AGORACRITUS. Think no more of them; 'tis not you who are to blame, but
those who cheated you in this sorry fashion. But, come, if some impudent
lawyer dared to say, "Dicasts, you shall have no wheat unless you convict
this accused man! " what would you do? Tell me.

DEMOS. I would have him removed from the bar, I would bind Hyperbolus
about his neck like a stone and would fling him into the Barathrum. [143]

AGORACRITUS. Well spoken! but what other measures do you wish to take?

DEMOS. First, as soon as ever a fleet returns to the harbour, I shall pay
up the rowers in full.

AGORACRITUS. That will soothe many a worn and chafed bottom.

DEMOS. Further, the hoplite enrolled for military service shall not get
transferred to another service through favour, but shall stick to that
given him at the outset.

AGORACRITUS. This will strike the buckler of Cleonymus full in the
centre.

DEMOS. None shall ascend the rostrum, unless their chins are bearded.

AGORACRITUS. What then will become of Clisthenes and of Strato? [144]

DEMOS. I wish only to refer to those youths, who loll about the perfume
shops, babbling at random, "What a clever fellow is Pheax! [145] How
cleverly he escaped death! how concise and convincing is his style! what
phrases! how clear and to the point! how well he knows how to quell an
interruption! "

AGORACRITUS. I thought you were the lover of those pathic minions.

DEMOS. The gods forefend it! and I will force all such fellows to go
a-hunting instead of proposing decrees.

AGORACRITUS. In that case, accept this folding-stool, and to carry it
this well-grown, big-testicled slave lad. Besides, you may put him to any
other purpose you please.

DEMOS. Oh! I am happy indeed to find myself as I was of old!

AGORACRITUS. Aye, you deem yourself happy, when I shall have handed you
the truces of thirty years. Truces! step forward! [146]

DEMOS. Great gods! how charming they are! Can I do with them as I wish?
where did you discover them, pray?

AGORACRITUS. 'Twas that Paphlagonian who kept them locked up in his
house, so that you might not enjoy them. As for myself, I give them to
you; take them with you into the country.

DEMOS. And what punishment will you inflict upon this Paphlagonian, the
cause of all my troubles?

AGORACRITUS. 'Twill not be over-terrible. I condemn him to follow my old
trade; posted near the gates, he must sell sausages of asses' and
dogs'-meat; perpetually drunk, he will exchange foul language with
prostitutes and will drink nothing but the dirty water from the baths.

DEMOS. Well conceived! he is indeed fit to wrangle with harlots and
bathmen; as for you, in return for so many blessings, I invite you to
take the place at the Prytaneum which this rogue once occupied. Put on
this frog-green mantle and follow me. As for the other, let 'em take him
away; let him go sell his sausages in full view of the foreigners, whom
he used formerly so wantonly to insult.

* * * * *

FINIS OF "THE KNIGHTS"

* * * * *

Footnotes:

[4] Mitchell's "Aristophanes. " Preface to "The Knights. "

[5] A generic name, used to denote a slave, because great numbers came
from Paphlagonia, a country in Asia Minor. Aristophanes also plays upon
the word, [Greek: Paphlag_on], Paphlagonian, and the verb, [Greek:
pathlazein], to boil noisily, thus alluding to Cleon's violence and
bluster when speaking.

[6] A musician, belonging to Phrygia, who had composed melodies intended
to describe pain.

[7] Line 323 of the 'Hyppolytus,' by Euripides.

[8] Euripides' mother was said to have sold vegetables on the market.

[9] The whole of this passage seems a satire on the want of courage shown
by these two generals. History, however, speaks of Nicias as a brave
soldier.

[10] i. e. living on his salary as a judge. The Athenians used beans for
recording their votes.

[11] Place where the Public Assembly of Athens, the [Greek: ekkl_esia],
was held.

[12] This was the salary paid to the Ecclesiasts, the jury of citizens
who tried cases. It was one obol at first, but Cleon had raised it to
three.

[13] A town in Messina, opposite the little island of Sphacteria;
Demosthenes had seized it, and the Spartans had vainly tried to retake
it, having even been obliged to leave four hundred soldiers shut up in
Sphacteria. Cleon, sent out with additional forces, had forced the
Spartans to capitulate and had thus robbed Demosthenes of the glory of
the capture. (_See_ Introduction. )

[14] Literally, his rump is among the Chaonians ([Greek: chain_o], to
gape open), because his anus is distended by pederastic practices; his
hands with the Aetolians ([Greek: aite_o], to ask, to beg); his mind with
the Clopidians ([Greek: klept_o], to steal).

[15] The versions of his death vary. He is said to have taken poison in
order to avoid fighting against Athens.

[16] A minor god, supposed by the ancients to preside over the life of
each man; each empire, each province, each town had its titular Genius.
Everyone offered sacrifice to his Genius on each anniversary of his birth
with wine, flowers and incense.

[17] A hill in Asia Minor, near Smyrna. Homer mentions the wine of
Pramnium.

[18] The common people, who at Athens were as superstitious as everywhere
else, took delight in oracles, especially when they were favourable, and
Cleon served them up to suit their taste and to advance his own ambition.

[19] Famous seer of Boeotia.

[20] Eucrates, who was the leading statesman at Athens after Pericles.

[21] Lysicles, who married the courtesan Aspasia.

[22] Literally, like Cycloborus, a torrent in Attica.

[23] He points to the spectators.

[24] The public meals were given in the Prytaneum; to these were admitted
those whose services merited that they should be fed at the cost of the
State. This distinction depended on the popular vote, and was very often
bestowed on demagogues very unworthy of the privilege.

[25] Islands of the Aegaean, subject to Athens, which paid considerable
tributes.

[26] Caria and Chalcedon were at the two extremities of Asia Minor; the
former being at the southern, the latter at the northern end of that
extensive coast.

[27] As though stupidity were an essential of good government.

[28] The Athenian citizens were divided into four classes--the
Pentacosiomedimni, who possessed five hundred minae; the Knights, who had
three hundred and were obliged to maintain a charger (hence their name);
the Zeugitae and the Thetes. In Athens, the Knights never had the high
consideration and the share in the magistracy which they enjoyed at Rome.

[29] It is said that Aristophanes played the part of Cleon himself, as no
one dared to assume the role. (_See_ Introduction. )

[30] They were two leaders of the knightly order.

[31] The famous whirlpool, near Sicily.

[32] Eucrates, the oakum-seller, already mentioned, when the object of a
riot, took refuge in a mill and there hid himself in a sack of bran.
[33] The chief Athenian tribunal only next in dignity to the Areopagus;
it generally consisted of two hundred members; it tried civil cases of
the greatest importance and some crimes beyond the competence of other
courts, e. g. rape, adultery, extortion. The sittings were in the open
air, hence the name ([Greek: _Elios], the sun).

[34] The Heliasts' salary. (_See_ above. )

[35] Tributary to Athens; Olynthus and Potidaea were the chief towns of
this important Peninsula.

[36] Meaning he frightens him with the menace of judicial prosecution
forces him to purchase silence.

[37] The strategi were the heads of the military forces.

[38] They presided at the Public Assemblies; they were also empowered to
try the most important cases.

[39] An allusion to Cleon's former calling.

[40] A country deme of Attica.

[41] Archeptolemus, a resident alien, who lived in Piraeus. He had loaded
Athens with gifts and was nevertheless maltreated by Cleon.

[42] This was easier than against a citizen because of the inferiority,
in which the pride of the Athenian held those born on other soil.

[43] When drunk he conceives himself rich and the man to buy up the rich
silver mines of Laurium, in south-east Attica.

[44] The Chorus throws itself between Cleon and Agoracritus to protect
the latter.

[45] An iron collar, an instrument of torture and of punishment.

[46] A disease among swine.

[47] Cleon wanted the Spartans to purchase the prisoners of Sphacteria
from him.

[48] With piss--the result of his drunken habits.

[49] A tragic poet, apparently proverbial for feebleness of style.

[50] Beginning of a song of Simonides.

[51] A miser.

[52] Guests used pieces of bread to wipe their fingers at table.

[53] 'Dog's head,' a vicious species of ape.

[54] They were allowed to remain in the ground throughout the winter so
that they might grow tender.

[55] An allusion to the pederastic habits ascribed to some of the orators
by popular rumour.

[56] He imputes the crime to Agoracritus of which he is guilty himself.

[57] A town in Thrace and subject to Athens. It therefore paid tribute to
the latter. It often happened that the demagogues extracted considerable
sums from the tributaries by threats or promises.

[58] It was customary in Athens for the plaintiff himself to fix the fine
to be paid by the defendant.

[59] Athene, the tutelary divinity of Athens.

[60] And wife of Pisistratus. Anything belonging to the ancient tyrants
was hateful to the Athenians.

[61] An allusion to the language used by the democratic orators, who, to
be better understood by the people, constantly affected the use of terms
belonging to the different trades.

[62] He accuses Cleon of collusion with the enemy.

[63] Cleon retorts upon his adversary the charge brought against himself.
The Boeotians were the allies of Sparta.

[64] Allusion to cock-fighting.

[65] The tripping metre usually employed in the _parabasis_.

[66] Hitherto Aristophanes had presented his pieces under an assumed
name.

[67] A comic poet, who had carried off the prize eleven times; not a
fragment of his works remains to us.

[68] An allusion to the titles of some of his pieces, viz. "the Flute
Players, the Birds, the Lydians, the Gnats, the Frogs. "

[69] The Comic Poet, rival of Aristophanes, several times referred to
above.

[70] These were the opening lines of poems by Cratinus, often sung at
festivities.

[71] A poet, successful at the Olympic games, and in old age reduced to
extreme misery.

[72] The place of honour in the Dionysiac Theatre, reserved for
distinguished citizens.

[73] A Comic Poet, who was elegant but cold; he had at first played as an
actor in the pieces of Cratinus.

[74] Besides the oarsmen and the pilot, there was on the Grecian vessels
a sailor, who stood at the prow to look out for rocks, and another, who
observed the direction of the wind.

[75] Two promontories, one in Attica, the other in Euboea, on which
temples to Posidon were erected.

[76] An Athenian general, who had gained several naval victories. He had
contributed to the success of the expedition to Samos (Thucydides, Book
I), and had recently beaten a Peloponnesian fleet (Thucydides, Book II).

[77] At the Panathenaea, a festival held every fourth year, a peplus, or
sail, was carried with pomp to the Acropolis. On this various
mythological scenes, having reference to Athene, were embroidered--her
exploits against the giants, her fight with Posidon concerning the name
to be given to Athens, etc. It had also become customary to add the names
and the deeds of such citizens as had deserved well of their country.

[78] Cleaenetus had passed a law to limit the number of citizens to be
fed at the Prytaneum; it may be supposed, that those, who aspired to this
distinction, sought to conciliate Cleaenetus in their favour.

[79] The Chorus of Knights, not being able to sing their own praises,
feign to divert these to their chargers.

[80] A horse branded with the obsolete letter [Greek: san]--[Symbol:
Letter 'san'], as a mark of breed or high quality.

[81] Crab was no doubt a nickname given to the Corinthians on account of
the position of their city on an isthmus between two seas. In the
'Acharnians' Theorus is mentioned as an ambassador, who had returned from
the King of Persia.

[82] The Senate was a body composed of five hundred members, elected
annually like the magistrates from the three first classes to the
exclusion of the fourth, the Thetes, which was composed of the poorest
citizens.

[83] The [Greek: moth_on], a rough, boisterous, obscene dance.

[84] At the festival of the Pyanepsia, held in honour of Athene as the
protectress of Theseus in his fight with the Minotaur, the children
carried olive branches in procession, round which strips of linen were
wound; they were then fastened up over the entrances of each house.

[85] On which the citizens sat in the Public Assembly in the Pnyx to hear
the orators. In the centre of the semicircular space the tribune stood, a
square block of stone, [Greek: B_ema], and from this the people were
addressed.

[86] Lysicles was a dealer in sheep, who had wielded great power in
Athens after the death of Pericles. Cynna and Salabaccha were two
celebrated courtesans.

[87] Place of interment for those who died for the country.

[88] Seated on the banks for the rowers.

[89] Assassin of the tyrant Hippias, the son of Pisistratus. His memory
was held in great honour at Athens.

[90] Driven out by the invasions of the Peloponnesians, the people of the
outlying districts had been obliged to seek refuge within the walls of
Athens, where they were lodged wherever they could find room.

[91] A verse borrowed from Euripides' lost play of 'Telephus. '

[92] Themistocles joined the Piraeus to Athens by the construction of the
Long Walls.

[93] Which were caught off the Piraeus.

[94] Mitylene, chief city of the Island of Lesbos, rebelled against the
Athenians and was retaken by Chares. By a popular decree the whole
manhood of the town was to suffer death, but this decree was withdrawn
the next day. Aristophanes insinuates that Cleon, bought over with
Mitylenaean gold, brought about this change of opinion. On the contrary,
Thucydides says that the decree was revoked in spite of Cleon's
opposition.

[95] When bucklers were hung up as trophies, it was usual to detach the
ring or brace, so as to render them useless for warlike purposes.

[96] An orator of debauched habits.

[97] An accusation frequently hurled at the orators.

[98] Guests took off their shoes before entering the festal hall.

[99] An allusion to Cleon's former calling of a tanner.

[100] A plant from Cyrena? ca, which was imported into Athens in large
quantities after the conclusion of a treaty of navigation, which Cleon
made with this country. It was a very highly valued flavouring for
sauces.

[101] The name of a supposed informer. The adjective, [Greek: pyrrhos],
yellow, the colour of ordure, is contained in the construction of this
name; thus a most disgusting piece of word-play is intended.

[102] The orators were for ever claiming the protection of Athene.

[103] A very expensive burden, which was imposed upon the rich citizen.
The trierarchs had to furnish both the equipment of the triremes or
war-galleys and their upkeep. They varied considerably in number and
ended in reaching a total of 1200; the most opulent found the money, and
were later repaid partly and little by little by those not so well
circumstanced. Later it was permissible for anyone, appointed as a
trierarch, to point out someone richer than himself and to ask to have
him take his place with the condition that if the other preferred, he
should exchange fortunes with him and continue his office of trierarch.

[104] This is an allusion to some extortion of Cleon's.

[105] The Greek word [Greek: d_emos] means both "The People" and fat,
grease. The pun cannot well be kept in English.

[106] A voracious bird--in allusion to Cleon's rapacity and to his
loquacity in the Assembly.

[107] The orators were fond of supporting their arguments with imaginary
oracles--and Cleon was an especial adept at this dodge.

[108] Smicythes, King of Thrace, spoken of in the oracle as a woman,
doubtless on account of his cowardice. The word pursue is here used in a
double sense, viz. in battle and in law. It is on account of this latter
meaning, that Aristophanes adds "and her spouse," because in cases in
which women were sued at law, their husbands were summoned as conjointly
liable.

[109] Because he had smashed up and turned upside down the fortunes of
Athens.

[110] The pun--rather a far-fetched one--is between the words [Greek:
D_orh_osti] (in the Dorian mode) and [Greek: d_orhon] (a bribe).

[111] A Boeotian soothsayer.

[112] A name invented by the Sausage-seller on the spur of the moment, to
cap Cleon's boast.

[113] That is, Athenian; Erectheus was an ancient mythical King of
Athens.

[114] That is, the tributes paid to Athens by the Aegaean Islands,
whether allies or subjects.

[115] The Lacedaemonian prisoners from Sphacteria, so often referred to.

[116] That is, Athenian; Cecrops was the first King of Athens, according
to the legends.

[117] There were three towns of this name in different parts of Greece.

[118] There is a pun here which it is impossible to render in English;
the Greek [Greek: Pylos](Pylos) differs by only one letter from the word
meaning a bath-tub ([Greek: Pyelos]).

[119] Cleon was reproached by his enemies with paying small attention to
the regular payment of the sailors.

[120] Another poetical term to signify Athenian; Aegeus, an ancient
mythical King of Athens, father of Theseus.

[121] Impudent as a dog and cunning as a fox.

[122] An orator and statesman of the day; practically nothing is known
about him.

[123] Another orator and statesman, accused apparently of taking bribes.

[124] As pointed out before, the orators were fond of dragging Athene
continually into their speeches.

[125] One of Cleon's proteges and flatterers. The scholiasts say he was
his secretary.

[126] Terms borrowed from the circus races.

[127] That is, at the expense of other folk.

[128] Pieces of bread, hollowed out, which were filled with mincemeat or
soup.

[129] Both Greeks and Romans drank their wine mixed with water.

[130] After his success in the Sphacteria affair Cleon induced the people
to vote him a chaplet of gold.

[131] That is, by means of the mechanical device of the Greek stage known
as the [Greek: ekkukl_ema].

[132] Parody of a well-known verse from Euripides' 'Alcestis. '

[133] The name Agoracritus is compounded: cf. [Greek: agora], a
market-place, and [Greek: krinein], to judge.

[134] This grandiloquent opening is borrowed from Pindar.

[135] Mentioned in the 'Acharnians. '

[136] A soothsayer.

[137] A flute-player.

[138] An allusion to the vice of the 'cunnilingue,' apparently a novel
form of naughtiness at Athens in Aristophanes' day.

[139] As well known for his gluttony as for his cowardice.

[140] One of the most noisy demagogues of Cleon's party; he succeeded
him, but was later condemned to ostracism.

[141] A town in Bithynia, situated at the entrance of the Bosphorus and
nearly opposite Byzantium. It was one of the most important towns in Asia
Minor. Doubtless Hyperbolus only demanded so large a fleet to terrorize
the towns and oppress them at will.

[142] These temples were inviolable places of refuge, where even slaves
were secure.

[143] A rocky cleft at the back of the Acropolis into which criminals
were hurled.

[144] Young and effeminate orators of licentious habits.

[145] By adroit special pleading he had contrived to get his acquittal,
when charged with a capital offence.

[146] They were personified on the stage as pretty little _filles de
joie_.




THE ACHARNIANS




INTRODUCTION

This is the first of the series of three Comedies--'The Acharnians,'
'Peace' and 'Lysistrata'--produced at intervals of years, the sixth,
tenth and twenty-first of the Peloponnesian War, and impressing on the
Athenian people the miseries and disasters due to it and to the
scoundrels who by their selfish and reckless policy had provoked it, the
consequent ruin of industry and, above all, agriculture, and the urgency
of asking Peace. In date it is the earliest play brought out by the
author in his own name and his first work of serious importance. It was
acted at the Lenaean Festival, in January, 426 B. C. , and gained the first
prize, Cratinus being second.

Its diatribes against the War and fierce criticism of the general policy
of the War party so enraged Cleon that, as already mentioned, he
endeavoured to ruin the author, who in 'The Knights' retorted by a direct
and savage personal attack on the leader of the democracy. The plot is of
the simplest. Dicaeopolis, an Athenian citizen, but a native of Acharnae,
one of the agricultural _demes_ and one which had especially suffered in
the Lacedaemonian invasions, sick and tired of the ill-success and
miseries of the War, makes up his mind, if he fails to induce the people
to adopt his policy of "peace at any price," to conclude a private and
particular peace of his own to cover himself, his family, and his estate.
The Athenians, momentarily elated by victory and over-persuaded by the
demagogues of the day--Cleon and his henchmen, refuse to hear of such a
thing as coming to terms. Accordingly Dicaeopolis dispatches an envoy to
Sparta on his own account, who comes back presently with a selection of
specimen treaties in his pocket. The old man tastes and tries, special
terms are arranged, and the play concludes with a riotous and uproarious
rustic feast in honour of the blessings of Peace and Plenty. Incidentally
excellent fun is poked at Euripides and his dramatic methods, which
supply matter for so much witty badinage in several others of our
author's pieces.

Other specially comic incidents are: the scene where the two young
daughters of the famished Megarian are sold in the market at Athens as
sucking-pigs--a scene in which the convenient similarity of the Greek
words signifying a pig and the 'pudendum muliebre' respectively is
utilized in a whole string of ingenious and suggestive 'double entendres'
and ludicrous jokes; another where the Informer, or Market-Spy, is packed
up in a crate as crockery and carried off home by the Boeotian buyer.

The drama takes its title from the Chorus, composed of old men of
Acharnae.

* * * * *

THE ACHARNIANS


DRAMATIS PERSONAE

DICAEOPOLIS.
HERALD.
AMPHITHEUS.
AMBASSADORS.
PSEUDARTABAS.
THEORUS.
WIFE OF DICAEOPOLIS.
DAUGHTER OF DICAEOPOLIS.
EURIPIDES.
CEPHISOPHON, servant of Euripides.
LAMACHUS.
ATTENDANT OF LAMACHUS.
A MEGARIAN.
MAIDENS, daughters of the Megarian.
A BOEOTIAN.
NICARCHUS.
A HUSBANDMAN.
A BRIDESMAID.
AN INFORMER.
MESSENGERS.
CHORUS OF ACHARNIAN ELDERS.

SCENE: The Athenian Ecclesia on the Pnyx; afterwards Dicaeopolis' house
in the country.

* * * * *

THE ACHARNIANS


DICAEOPOLIS[147] (_alone_). What cares have not gnawed at my heart and
how few have been the pleasures in my life! Four, to be exact, while my
troubles have been as countless as the grains of sand on the shore! Let
me see of what value to me have been these few pleasures? Ah! I remember
that I was delighted in soul when Cleon had to disgorge those five
talents;[148] I was in ecstasy and I love the Knights for this deed; 'it
is an honour to Greece. '[149] But the day when I was impatiently awaiting
a piece by Aeschylus,[150] what tragic despair it caused me when the
herald called, "Theognis,[151] introduce your Chorus! " Just imagine how
this blow struck straight at my heart! On the other hand, what joy
Dexitheus caused me at the musical competition, when he played a Boeotian
melody on the lyre! But this year by contrast! Oh! what deadly torture to
hear Chaeris[152] perform the prelude in the Orthian mode! [153]--Never,
however, since I began to bathe, has the dust hurt my eyes as it does
to-day. Still it is the day of assembly; all should be here at daybreak,
and yet the Pnyx[154] is still deserted. They are gossiping in the
market-place, slipping hither and thither to avoid the vermilioned
rope. [155] The Prytanes[156] even do not come; they will be late, but
when they come they will push and fight each other for a seat in the
front row. They will never trouble themselves with the question of peace.