No More Learning

Cleon —
Save me, neighbors oh, the monsters
my breast Chorus —
What you're forced to call for help pest!
my side, my back, you overbearing, brutal
—
If in bawling you surpass him, you'll achieve victor's crown If again you overmatch him in impudence, the day's your own.
Sausage Seller [turning back towards Cleon]
I'll astound you with my noise, with my bawling looks and
voice. Chorus —
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392 ARISTOPHANES' KNIGHTS.
Cleon —
I denounce this traitor here for sailing on clandestine trips, With supplies of tripe and stuffing to careen the Spartan
board;
Running in without a lading to return completely stored !
Chorus —.
Yes ! and smuggles out moreover loaves and luncheons not a
ships. — Sausage Seller
I denounce then and accuse him for a greater worse abuse : That he steers his empty paunch and anchors at the public
few,
More than ever Pericles, in all his pride, presumed to do.
Cleon [in a thundering tone] —
Dogs and villains, you shall die !
Sausage Seller [in a still louder tone] —
I can scream ten times as high. Cleon —
Ay !
I'll overbear ye and out-bawl ye. Sausage Seller —
But I'll out-scream ye and out-squall ye. Cleon —
What ! do you venture to invade
My proper calling and my trade ? Chorus to Cleon —
Even in your tender years, And your early disposition, You betrayed an inward sense Of the conscious impudence Which constitutes a politician.
Hence you squeeze and drain alone the rich milch kine of our allies ;
Whilst the son of Hippodamus licks his lips with longing eyes.
But now with eager rapture we behold A mighty miscreant of baser mold !
A more consummate ruffian !
An energetic, ardent ragamuffin !
Behold him there ! — He stands before your eyes To bear you down, with a superior frown,
A fiercer stare,
And more incessant and exhaustless lies.
[2b the Sausage Seller'] —
Now then do you that boast a birth from whence you might
inherit,
ARISTOPHANES' KNIGHTS. 898
And from your breeding have derived a manhood and a spirit Unbroken by the rules of art, untamed by education,
Show forth the native impudence and vigor of the nation !
Sausage Seller —
Well; if you like then, I'll describe the nature of him
clearly,
The kind of rogue I've known him for.
Cleon — My friend, you're somewhat early. First give me leave to speak.
Saumge Seller — I won't, by Jove ! Ay, you may bellow ! I'll make you know before I go that I'm the baser fellow.
Chorus —
Ay ! stand to that ! Stick to the point ; and for a further
Say that your family were base time out of mind before ye. Cleon —
Let me speak first.
Sausage Seller — Cleon —
Sausage Seller — Cleon —
I won't.
You shall, by Jove ! ,
By Jupiter, I shall burst with rage !
Sausage Seller"- No matter, I'll prevent you. Chorus —
No, don't prevent, for Heaven's sake ! don't hinder him from bursting.
Cleon —
I'll have ye pilloried in a trice.
Sausage Seller —
I'll have you tried for cowardice.
Cleon —
I'll tan your hide to cover seats.
Sausage Seller —
Yours shall be made a purse for cheats The luckiest skin that could be found.
Cleon —
Dog, I'll pin you to the ground With ten thousand tenter-hooks.
Sausage Seller —
I'll prepare you for the cooks,
Neatly prepared, with skewers and lard.
Cleon —
I'll pluck your eyebrows off,
I will. I'll cut your collops out, I will.
Sausage Seller —
I won't, by Jove, though !
394 ARISTOPHANES' KNIGHTS.
[A scuffle ensues between the two rivals, in which the Sausage Seller has the best of it.
Clean [released and recovering himself]: —
May I never eat a slice at any public sacrifice,
If your effrontery and pretense shall daunt my steadfast im
pudence. — Sausage Seller [to the Chorus]
Oh, there were many pretty tricks I practiced as a child ; Haunting about the butchers' shops, the weather being mild, " See, boys," says I, " the swallow there ! Why, summer's
come, I say. "
And when they turned to gape and stare, I snatched a steak
away. Chorus —
A clever lad you must have been, you managed matters rarely,
To steal at such an early age, so seasonable and fairly ! Sausage Seller —
But if by chance they spied contrived to hide handily, Clapping in between my hams, tight and close and even, Calling on all the powers above and all the gods in heaven And there stood and made good with staring and for
swearing
So that statesman wise and good, ruler shrewd and witty, Was heard to say, " That boy one day will surely rule the
city. " Chorus —
'Twas fairly guessed, by the true test, by your address and daring.
First in stealing, then concealing, and again in swearing. Cleon —
I'll settle ye yes, both of ye The storm of elocution
Is rising here within my breast, to drive ye to confusion, And with wild commotion overwhelm the land and ocean.
Sausage Seller —
But I'll denounce ye And I'll trounce ye.
Cleon —
Go for paltry vulgar slave.
Sausage Seller —
Get out for designing slave.
Chorus —
Give him back the cuff you got
Cleon —
Murder Help A plot A plot I'm assaulted and beset
!
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it ;
ARISTOPHANES' KNIGHTS. 395
Chorus —
Strike him harder ! harder yet !
Pelt him — Rap him !
Slash him — Slap him
Across the chops there, with a wipe
Of your entrails and your tripe.
Keep him down. The day's your own.
O cleverest of human kind ! the stoutest and the boldest, The savior of the state and us, the friends that thou be-
holdest ;
No words can speak our gratitude ; all praise appears too little. You've fairly done the rascal up; you've nicked him to a
tittle. Cleon —
Now I'll set off this instant to the Senate,
To inform them of your conspiracies and treasons.
By Hercules, I'll have ye crucified ! Chorus [to the Sausage Seller] —
[Exit Cleon.
[Exit.
Rouse up your powers !
You swindled and forswore as you profess,
The time is come to show it. Now this instant He's hurrying headlong to the senate house
To accuse us all, to storm and rage and rave.
Sausage Seller — Well, I'll be off.
Chorus — Sausage Seller — Chorus —
Make haste.
Why, so I do.
Say what was the result of your attempt. Sausage Seller —
If ever in your youth
Drive at him and denounce him !
Show blood and game.
Dash at his comb, his coxcomb; cuff it soundly ! Peck, scratch and tear, conculcate, clapper, claw ! And then return in glory to your friends.
[Ee'entrance of the Sausage Seller. O best of men ! thou tightest, heartiest fellow !
Ay, ay — it's well worth hearing, I can tell ye ;
I followed after him to the senate house ;
And there was he roaring his biggest words
To crush the cavaliers, calling them traitors, Conspirators — what not ? There sat the Senate, With their arms folded and their eyebrows bent, Like persons utterly humbugged and bamboozled. Seeing the state of things, I paused awhile, Praying in secret with an under voice : —
896 ARISTOPHANES' KNIGHTS.
" Ye influential, impudential Powers
Of sauciness and jabber, slang and jaw!
Ye spirits of the market place and street,
Where I was reared and bred — befriend me now!
Grant me a voluble utterance and a vast, "
Unbounded voice, and steadfast impudence !
Then burst I through the crowd and bustled up,
And bolted in at the wicket, and bawled out : —
" News ! news ! I've brought you news ! the best of news ! Yes, senators, since first the war began,
There never has been known, till now — this morning,
Such a haul of pilchards. " Then they smiled, and seemed All tranquilized and placid at the prospect
Of pilchards being likely to be cheap.
I then proceeded and proposed a vote
To meet the emergence secretly and suddenly :
To seize at once the trays of all the workmen,
And go with them to market to buy pilchards
Before the price was raised. Immediately
They applauded, and sat gaping all together,
Attentive and admiring. He perceived it ;
And framed a motion suited, as he thought,
To the temper of the assembly. " I move," says he,
" That, on occasion of this happy news,
We should proclaim a general thanksgiving,
With a festival moreover, and a sacrifice
Of a hundred head of oxen to the goddess. "
Then, seeing he meant to drive me to the wall
With his hundred oxen, I overbid him at once,
And said, " Two hundred ! " and proposed a vow
" For a thousand goats to be offered to Diana,
Whenever sprats should fall to forty a penny. "
With that the Senate smiled on me again,
And he grew stupefied and lost and stammering ;
And, attempting to interrupt the current business,
Was called to order and silence, and put down.
[Enter Cleon. ]
Cleon —
May I perish and rot, but I'll consume and ruin ye ; I'll leave no trick, no scheme untried, to do it.
Sausage Seller —
It makes me laugh, it amuses one to see him
Bluster and storm !
I whistle and snap my fingers.
ARISTOPHANES' KNIGHTS.
Cleon —
You sha'n't insult me, as you did before the Senate. Come, come before the Assembly.
Sausage Seller [coolly and dryly] —
Ay, yes ; why not ?
With all my heart ! Let's go there. What should hinder us ?
The scene is supposed to be in front of Demus' house.
Cleon —
My dear, good Demus, do step out a moment !
Sausage Seller —
My dearest little Demus, do step out !
Demus —
Who's there ? Keep off ! What a racket you are making ! Bawling and caterwauling about the door,
To affront the house and scandalize the neighbors.
Cleon —
Come out ; do you see yourself how I'm insulted ?
Demus —
O my poor Paphlagonian ! What's the matter ? Who has insulted you ?
Cleon — I'm waylaid and beaten,
By that rogue there, and the rakehelly young fellows, All for your sake.
Demus — How so? Cleon —
Because I love you, And court you, and wait on you to win your favor.
Demus —
And you there, sirrah ! Tell me what are you ?
Sausage Seller [very rapidly and eagerly] —
A lover of yours and a rival of his, this long time,
That have wished to oblige ye and serve ye in every way. And many there are besides, good gentlefolks,
That adore ye, and wish to pay their court to ye,
But he contrives to baffle and drive them off.
In short, you're like the silly, spendthrift heirs,
That keep away from civil, well-bred company
To pass their time with grooms and low companions, Cobblers and curriers, tanners, and such like,
Cleon —
Well, Demus, call an assembly then directly
To decide between us which is your best friend ; And when you've settled fix and keep to him.
Tlie scene changes and discovers the Pnyx with Cleon on the bema in an oratorical attitude.
it,
398 ARISTOPHANES' KNIGHTS.
Cleon —
To Minerva the sovereign goddess I call,
Our guide and defender, the hope of us all ;
With a prayer and a vow, — that even as now —
If I'm truly your friend, unto my life's end,
I may dine in the hall, doing nothing at all !
But if I despise you, or ever advise you
Against what is best for your comfort and rest ;
Or neglect to attend you, defend you, befriend you, — May I perish and pine; may this carcass of mine Be withered and dried, and curried beside ;
And straps for your harness cut out from the hide.
Sausage Seller —
Then, Demus — if I tell a word of a lie,
If any man more can dote and adore,
With so tender a care, I make it my prayer,
My prayer and my wish — to be stewed in a dish ; To be sliced and slashed, minced and hashed,
And the offal remains that are left by the cook, Dragged out to the grave with my own flesh hook.
Cleon —
O Demus. Has any man shown such a zeal, Such a passion as I for the general weal ? Racking and screwing offenders to ruin;
With torture and threats extorting your debts.
Sausage Seller —
All this I
With ease and dispatch ;
And supply you with loaves from another man's batch, — But now to detect his saucy neglect —
He leaves you to rest on a seat of the rock
Naked and bare, without comfort or care,
Whilst I — Look ye there ! — have quilted and wadded And tufted and padded this cushion so neat
To serve for your seat ! Rise now, let me slip
It there under your hip, that, on board of the ship,
With the toil of the oar, was blistered and sore,
Enduring the burden and heat of the day
At the battle of Salamis working away.
can do, and more handily too,
I can pilfer and snatch,
Demus —
Whence was it you came ? Oh, tell me your name — Tour name and your birth ; for your kindness and worth Bespeak you indeed of a patriot breed ;
Of the race of Harmodius sure you must be,
So popular, gracious, and friendly to me.
ARISTOPHANES' KNIGHTS. 399
Clean —
Can he win you with ease with such trifles as these ?
Sausage Seller —
With easier trifles, you manage to please.
Cleon —
This is horrible quite, and his slander and spite Has no motive in view but my friendship for you, My zeal —
Demus —
There, have done with your slang and your stuff, You've cheated and choused and cajoled me enough.
Sausage Seller —
My dear little Demus ! you'll find it is true, He behaves like a wretch and a villain to you; He haunts your gardens and there he plies, Cropping the sprouts of the young supplies, Munching and crunching enormous rations
Of public sales and confiscations.
The struggle between the rivals now begins in good ear nest. It is a contest of presents to Demus, chiefly of a culinary character, and that everlasting dish, the affair at Pylos, is again served up to the cantankerous old man, whom the poet seems determined to disgust with the only exploit which Cleon ever accomplished. The Sausage Seller has the advan tage in presents for some time, until he is alarmed by learn ing that Cleon has got a fine dish of hare for Demus. He is disconcerted at first, and then has recourse to a stratagem. "Some ambassadors came this way to me," he says, "and their
purses seem well filled" "Where are they? " exclaims Cleon eagerly, turning round. The hare flesh is immediately in the hands of his rival, who presents the dainty in his own name to Demus. Cleon is naturally indignant. "I had all the trouble of catching the hare," he cries. " And I had all the trouble of dressing it," retorts the Sausage Seller. " Fools," says the practical Demus, " I care not who caught it, or who dressed it ; all I regard is the hand which served it up at table. " Cleon loses ground more and more. His rival pro poses a new test of affection. " Let our chests be searched," says he. "It will then be seen who is the better man to Demus and his stomach. " This is done, and the chest of the new candidate is found empty. " Because," says he, " I have given dear little Demus everything. " In Cleon's there is
400 ARISTOPHANES' KNIGHTS.
abundance of all good things, and a tempting cheese"cake particularly excites Demus' surprise. " The rogue ! he cries, "to conceal such a prodigious cheese cake as this, and to have cut me off a mere morsel of it ; and that, too, after I had made him a present of a crown and many other things beside.
" Cleon has to take off the crown (or garland) and place it on the head of his enemy. The Sausage Seller, who has now adopted the name of Agoracritus, is no sooner in power than he feeds up Demus and treats him to such a regi men that the old man becomes strong and young again. He is once more the manly, splendid fellow he was in the days of Marathon and Salamis. Of course all this has reference to the military and political events of the time.
Agoracritus (the Sausage Seller) and Chorus.
Chorus —
O thou, the protector and hope of the state,
Of the isles and allies of the city, relate What happy event do you call us to greet, With bonfire and sacrifice filling the street ?
Agoracritus —
Old Demus within has molted his skin.
I've cooked him and stewed him to render him stronger, Many years younger, and shabby no longer.
Chorus —
O what a change ! How sudden and strange ! But where is he now ?
Agoracritus — On the citadel's brow, In the lofty old town of immortal renown, With the noble Ionian violet crown.
Chorus —
What was his vesture, his figure and gesture ? How did you leave him, and how does he look ?
Agoracritus —
Joyous and bold, as when feasting of old
When his battles were ended, triumphant and splendid, With Miltiades sitting carousing at rest,
Or good Aristides, his favorite guest.
You shall see him here straight ; for the citadel gate
Is unbarred ; and the hinges — you hear how they grate ?
The scene changes to a view of the Propylxum.
Give a shout for the sight of the rocky old height ! And the worthy old wight that inhabits within.
ARISTOPHANES' KNIGHTS. 401
Chorus —
That glorious old hill ! preeminent still
For splendor of empire and honor and worth ! Exhibit him here for the Greeks to revere,
Their patron and master, the monarch of earth !
Demus comes forward in his splendid old-fashioned attire. The features of his mask are changed to those of youth, and he has throughout the scene the characteristics that, in the opinion of the Athenians, should mark youth, warmth, eagerness, with some little bashfulness and embarrassment.
Demus — —
My dearest Agoracritus, come here
I'm so obliged to you for your cookery !
I feel an altered man, you've quite transformed me.
Agoracritus —
I ? That's nothing. If you did but know The state you were in before, you'd worship me.
What !
Demus —
What was I doing ? How did I behave ?
Do tell me — inform against me — let me know.
Agoracritus —
Why first then, if an orator in the Assembly
Began with saying, " Demus, I'm your friend,
Your faithful, zealous friend, your only friend,"
You used to chuckle, and smirk, and hold your head up.
Demus —
No, sure !
Agoracritus —
So he gained his end, and bilked and choused you.
Demus —
But did I not perceive ? Was I not told ?
Agoracritus —
By Jove, and you wore those ears of yours continually Wide open or close shut, like an umbrella.
Demus —
Is it possible ? Was I indeed so mere a driveler In my old age, so superannuated ?
Agoracritus —
Moreover, if a couple of orators
Were pleading in your presence, one proposing
To equip a fleet, his rival arguing
To get the same supplies distributed
To the jurymen, the patron of the juries
Carried the day — But why do you hang your head so ?
vol. hi. — 26
402
ARISTOPHANES' KNIGHTS.
Demus —
I feel ashamed of myself and my follies.
Agoracritua —
'Twas not your fault
—
don't think of it. Your advisers But, for the future, tell me,
Were most to blame.
Now answer me, in other respects how do you mean To manage your affairs.
Demus — Why, first of all, I'll have the arrears of seamen's wages paid To a penny the instant they return to port.
Agoracritus —
There's many a worn-out salt will bless and thank ye.
Demus —
Moreover, no man that has been enrolled Upon the list for military service
Shall have his name erased for fear or favor.
Agoracritus —
That gives a bang to Cleonymus' buckler.
Demus —
I'll not permit those fellows without beards To harangue in our assemblies, boys or men.
Agoracritus —
It's your own fault ; in part you've helped to spoil 'em. But what do you mean to do with them for the future ?
Demus —
I shall send them into the country, all the paok of them, To learn to hunt, and leave off making laws.
Agoracritus —
And what will you say if I give you a glorious peace, A lusty, strapping truce of thirty years ?
Come forward here, my lass, and show yourself.
Demus —
By Jove, what a face and figure !
To ratify and conclude incontinently. Where did you find her ?
Agoracritus — Oh, the Paphlagonian,
Of course, had huddled her out of sight, within there. But now you've got her, take her back with you
Into the country.
Demus — But the Paphlagonian,
What shall we do to punish him ? What d'ye think ?
Agoracritus —
Oh, no great matter. He shall have my trade, With an exclusive sausage-selling patent
To traffic openly at the city gates,
I should like
ARISTOPHANES' KNIGHTS. 403
And garble his wares with dogs' and asses' flesh, With a privilege, moreover, to get drunk,
And bully among the strumpets of the suburbs And the ragamuffin waiters at the baths.
Demus —
That's well imagined ; it precisely suits him ;
His natural bent, it seems, his proper element
To squabble with poor trulls and low rapscallions. As for yourself, I give you an invitation
To dine with me in the hall. You'll fill the seat Which that unhappy villain held before.
Take this new robe ! Wear it and follow me !
And you, the rest of you, conduct that fellow
To his future home and place of occupation,
The gate of the city, where the allies and foreigners That he maltreated may be sure to find him.
Aristophanes to the Public.
(From the same. )
If a veteran author had wished to engage
Our assistance to-day, for a speech from the stage, We scarce should have granted so bold a request ; But this author of ours, as the bravest and best, Deserves an indulgence denied to the rest,
For the courage and vigor, the scorn and the hate," With which he encounters the pests of the state ; A thoroughbred seaman, intrepid and warm, Steering outright, in the face of the storm.
But now for the gentle reproaches he bore
On the part of his friends, for refraining before
To embrace the profession, embarking for life
In theatrical storms and poetical strife ;
He begs us to state, that for reasons of weight,
He has lingered so long, and determined so late. For he deemed the achievements of comedy hard, The boldest attempt of a desperate bard !
The Muse he perceived was capricious and coy, — Though many were courting her, few could enjoy. And he saw without reason, from season to season, Your humor would shift, and turn poets adrift, Requiting old friends with unkindness and treason,
[Exeunt.
404
ARISTOPHANES TO THE PUBLIC.
Discarded in scorn as exhausted and worn.
Seeing Magnes's fate, who was reckoned of late,
For the conduct of comedy, captain and head ;
That so oft on the stage, in the flower of his age,
Had defeated the Chorus his rivals had led ;
With his sounds of all sort, that were uttered in sport, With whims and vagaries unheard of before,
With feathers and wings, and a thousand gay things, That in frolicsome fancies his Choruses wore — When his humor was spent, did your temper relent, To requite the delight that he gave you before ?
We beheld him displaced, and expelled, and disgraced, When his hair and his wit were grown aged and hoar. Then he saw, for a sample, the dismal example
Of noble Cratinus so splendid and ample,
Full of spirit and blood, and enlarged like a flood,
Whose copious current tore down, with its torrent,
Oaks, ashes, and yew, with the ground where they grew, And his rivals to boot, wrenched up by the root,
And his personal foes, who presume to oppose,
All drowned and abolished, dispersed and demolished, And drifted headlong, with a deluge of song.
And his airs and his tunes, and his songs and lampoons, Were recited and sung, by the old and the young —
At feasts and carousals what poet but he ?
And "The Fair Amphibribe," and "The Sycophant Tree," " Masters and masons and builders of verse ! " —
Those were the tunes that all tongues could rehearse ;
But since in decay, you have cast him away,
Stript of his stops and his musical strings,
Battered and shattered, a broken old instrument,
Shoved out of sight, among rubbishy things.
His garlands are faded, and what he deems worst,
His tongue and his palate are parching with thirst ;
And now you may meet him alone in the street,
Wearied and worn, tattered and torn,
All decayed and forlorn, in his person and dress ;
Whom his former success should exempt from distress, With subsistence at large, at the general charge,
And a seat with the great, at the table of state,
There to feast every day and preside at the play,
In splendid apparel, triumphant and gay.
Seeing Crates the next, always teased and perplext, With your tyrannous temper, tormented and vext ;
That with taste and good sense, without waste or expense,
ARISTOPHANES TO THE PUBLIC.
From his snug little hoard provided your board With a delicate treat, economic and neat.
Thus hitting or missing, with crowns or with hissing, Year after year he pursued his career,
For better or worse, till he finished his course.
These precedents held him in long hesitation ;
He replied to his friends, with a just observation,
" That seaman in regular order is bred
To the oar, to the helm, — and to look out ahead ; Till diligent practice has fixed in his mind
The signs of the weather, and changes of wind.
And when every point of the service is known, Undertakes the command of a ship of his own. "
For reasons like these,
If your judgment agrees
That he did not embark,
Like an ignorant spark,
Or a troublesome lout,
To puzzle and bother, and blunder about, Give him a shout,
At his first setting out !
And all pull away
With a hearty huzza
For success to the play !
Send him away,
Smiling and gay,
Shining and florid,
With his bald forehead !