Chalkstones of
striking
effect in the light of tht' moon.
Samuel Beckett
What an addition to compan) that \\~ould be!
Or last if not least resort to ask himself what precis"]) he means when he speaks of himself loose!
: as I)ing,
Which in other words of al1 the innumerable ways of
l)ing is likc1) to pron' in the long run the most emlear
ing. If having cra\ded in the \\~a)~ clescribed he fal1s it
\\~ouldnormalll~be on his face. lndeecl giyen the degree •LL
44
'l,S
of his fatigue and discouragement at this point it is '- '
hard to see how he could elo otherwise. But onu' fallc'n anel h ing on his face then' is no reason wh\ he shuuld
, '- .
not turn oyer on one or otllt'r of his sieles or on his onl\~
hack and so lie should am of tlwst' three posture's otTer
hetter compal1\ than an: of the other three. The SUpilW
though most tempting he must EmaIl: disallcm as ]wing
aln~ael: supplit'd IJ\ the hearer. With regard to the
sidelon£ one glance is enou£h to clispel thc'm hoth.
Ll. . . L
Lc·aving him \\~ith no otlwr choice than the proue. But how prone? Prone h(m? Hcm~ disposed the legs? TIH' arms? The heael? Prone in the elark he strains to sec' hOi\' hest he Illay lie prone. How most companionahh.
Seehearerclearer. Whichofallthei\aYS ofhing
supine the least likely in the long run to pall? After
long straining e\~es closeel prone in the elark the follc)\\
ing. But first nakecl or covereel? If onh \\ith a sll\'t't.
Nakeel. Ghostly in tllt' voice's glimmer that b(lll('\\~hite •L
flesh for compan:. Heael resting mainl: on occipital ]lUlllp aforc'saiel. Legs joineel at attention. Feet spla\ ed nim't\ d('grc'(·s. Hanels invisilJh manacled crossed on
pubis. Other ddails as neeel felt. Leaw him at that for tlw moment.
Numb with the woes of iour kinel \~oU raise none the
less :our head from off :our hands anel open :our t'i e".
You turn on withuut moving from: our place the light
above HJU. Your t'\es light on tIlt' watch hing lwneath . . L. L
it. But instead of rc'adin£ the hour of night thc'\ follOi\
16
1';'
L
rounel anel rounel the second hand
L,
now preceded h: its shael()\\. HOllIS later it seelllS to
yOU as follows. At 60 s('ccmels and 30 seconds shadOi\
hielden In hancl. From 60 to 30 shad(m preced('s hand
at a elistance increasing from z('ro at 60 to maximum
at 1. 5 anel thence decreasing to nt'\\~ zt'ru at 30. From
30to60shado\\~followshanelatadistanceincreasing
from zc'ro at 30 to maximum at 45 and th('nce decreas
ing to new zero at 60. Slant light no\\ to elia] ll\ lllOiing
LLL
either to either side anel hand hides shad()\\ at t\\0
quite elifferent points as for example 50 and 20. indeeel
at an: two quite elifferent points \\hatev('r ckpending
on dearee of slant. But ho\\'('v('r ureat or small tl](' slanl
~. ~
anel mort' or l(,ss remote from initial 60 and ,')0 t11l'
llO\\~
foll()\\ed and
ne\\~ points of zero shadO\\~ the spact' lwtween the two remains OIl(' of 30 seconcls. The shadow emerges from
L
Ilncler hand at an: point \\hatever of its circuit to fol Io's or pn'ced(' it for the spac(' of 30 s(~conds. Tht'n disappears inflnitel:~ briefly lwfore elllerging again to pn'cede or follow it for tIlt' ;,;pace of 30 secolllis again. And so on and OIl. This would se('tIl to bt' tIl(' olle con stant. For tIl(' \ T n distance it:::elf l)('t\\een hand und shadO\\ \aries as til(' d('gn'(' of slant. But 11O\n'\~ngreut
or small Ihis distance it invariabh \\ a'd'S and \\ all('S from nothing to a Illaxillllllll 1. "1 seconds later and to nothinG a(Tain I::; sc'conds latc'! ' auuill n's! )('ctiyeh. And
t"'
shines on :ou through the eastern window and flings all along the floor \ our shadow allli that of the lamp 1<>ft lit above \ou. •\ nl! those of ot! wr ohj<'cts also.
What VISIOns in the dark of light! Who exclaims thus? Who asks who exclaims, What visions in tIlt' shade1<'ss dark of light and shade! Yet another still? Devising it all for compan:. What a further addition to companv that would he! Yet another still devisint! it all for compan:~. Qnick l('av(' him.
Somehow at any pricE' to make an end wl1('n YOU
could go out no more you sat huddled in the dark. e.
Having coven,d in your day some twentv-five thou
r--
so OIl and on. This \\()]jld :::('em to ! )(' a sC'e<md con:::tanl.
Mon' Illight hay(' bc('n obse! 'Yed Oil Ihe :::ubjec! of this ;,;('Cond hand and its :::hadow in their seelllingh endk:::s
L
••
•
paral1<>1 rotation rOllnd and round the dial and othn yariabks awl constants l)[(H! uht to light and errors if
t:" l
am cOlT('c! ed in \\hat had sec'med so far. Bllt unable to eontinue \ ou bO\\ \our head back to wl]('re it was and \\ith c:lo:::ed ('\C'S }'I'turn to the \\O('S of \our kind. Dawn finds \OU still in Ihis posilion. 'I'll(' 10\\ sun
ance overstepped a radius of one frolll hOllle. Home! So sat waiting to be purged the old lutist cause of
LL
Dante's first quarter-smile and now perhaps singing praisE'S with some section of the blest at last. To whom here in any case farewell. The place is windowless. WhE'n as :~ou sometimes do to void thE' fluid :ou open
It)
49
t' - .
sand leagut's or roughlv thrice the girdle. And never e. LL'•L
\ our n('s dark lesst'ns. Thus \ ou now on \ our back in the dark once sat huddled the[(' lOur boch ha\~in~ shown \OU it could go out no more. Out no more to walk the little winding back roads and interjacent pas
tun's now alive with flocks and nOi\~ deserkd. ,Yith at \ our dhow for long \ears ,our father's shade in his old tramping rags and then for long wars alone. Add ing step after stt'p to the ein mounting Slllll of thost' alread: accomplished. Halting nO\\~ and then \rith lJowt'd lwad to h'\: the score. Then on from nought anew. Huddled thus IOU find \ourself imagining yon
. . LL.
art' not alone \\hile know~ingfull wt'll that nothing has
occulTed to make this possible. The process continues
none the less lapped as it were in its meaninglessness.
You clo not murmur in so mam words, I know this
doonwd to fail and :~et persist. No. For the first per
sonal and a fortiori plural pronoun had never a l F
place in your yocabularv. But without a w~ord \ou
view \ourseIf to this effect as vou would a stranger
••L
suffering: sa\ from Hodgkin's disease or if :ou preft'r Percival Pott's surprised at prayer. From time to time
with une. \. pt'cted grace :Oll lie. Simultanl'oush the yarious parts sd out. The arms llnclasp the kne('s. The head lifts. The legs start to straight(·ll. The trunk tilts hack\\anl. "\nd together these and cOlllltless ot! WI'S contillLw on their res! )('ctiye \\~a:s till tIll': can go no fnrth("r and together CO! lle to resl. Supine no\\ \Oll [('sunl<' \our fable whne tIl<' act of h ing cut it short.
50
Sl
. .
.
And persist till the conVI'E,e operation cuts it short
again. So in the clark wm huddled and now supine: Oll
toil in vain. j\ nd just as froll! the fornwr position to the
lattt'r tIl<' shift grows easil'r in time and ! llO[(' alacrious
L
so from the latter to the former the [('v("rse is lnw. Till from til<' occasional rdid it \\"as supineness ! Wl'OIll<'S habitual and finalh tht' rule. You nuw on \Ollr ! >ack in
the dark shall not rise to : our arse again to clasp: U lll'
legs in \our arms and how down lour hl'ad till it can o. .
lJ()W~
down no furtht'r. But with face llpturned for goud
labour in vain at \ our fable. Till finalh \OU ! Lear how
\\~ords arc comina to an end. With (-'ven inane \\unl ~.
a little nearer to the last. And hOi\ the faIlle tou. TIl<' fable of one with IOU in til<' dark. The falde of OlH'
;. . . ,
~
~
::. .
:::
. ~ oj
~
:::
;::
·f.
,/ m ;::
;:i
;. . . ,
~
From where she lies she sees Venus rise. On. From
where she lies when the skies are clear she sees Venus
rise followed by the sun. Then she rails at the sourC("
/
of all life. On. At evening when the skies are clear she
savours its star's revenge. At the other window. Rigid
upright on her old chair she watches for the radiant
one. Her old deal spindlebacked kitchen chair. It
emerges from out the last ra~sand sinking ever bright
er is engulfed in its turn. On. She sits on erect and G
rigid in the deepening gloom. Such helplessness to
move she cannot help. Heading on foot for a particular
point often she freezes on the wa~-. Unable till long
after to move on not kn(H\ing \vhither or for what pur
pose. DO\m on her knees especiall~ she fiuds it hard
not to remain so forever. Hand resting on hand on
L
some convenient support. Such as the foot of her bed. And on them her head. There then she sits as though
turned to stone face to the night. Save for the white of ,_
her hair and faintly bluish white of face and hands all
. ')'1
,
is black. For an e~-e having no need of light to see. All this in the present as had she the misfortune to be still of this world.
The cabin. Its situation. Careful. On. At the inexis tent centre of a formless place. Rather more circular than otherwise finally. Flat to be sure. To cross it in a straight line takes her from five to ten minutes. Depending on her speed and radius taken. Hen' she who loves to-here she who now can only straY never straYs. Stones increasingl~-abound. Ever scankr even
the rankest weed. Meagre pastures hem it round on which it slowly gains. With none to gainsay. To have
•LL•
gainsaid. As if doomed to spread. How come a cabin in such a place? How came? Careful. Bt'fon~ reph'ing that in th(~ far past at the tinw of its building there was clover growing to its ver~- walls. Imp]:'ing furthermore that it the culprit. And from it as from an evil core that the what is the wrong word the evil spread. And none to urge-none to haw urged its demolition. As if doomed to (>ndure. Question answered.
Chalkstones of striking effect in the light of tht' moon. Let it be in
opposition when the skies are clear. Quick then still under the spell of Venus quick to the other window to see the other marvel rise. How whiter and whiter as it climbs it whitens more and more the stones. Rigid with face and hands against the pane she stands and marvels long.
The two zones form a roughl}- circular wholl'. As though outlined bv a trembling hand. Diameter. Care-
L•L
ful. Say one furlong. On an average. Be\'ond the un-
L
known. Mercifullv. The feeling at times of heing below
,LL
sea level. Especiall~-at night when the skies are clear.
Invisible nearby sea. Inaudible. The entire surface
under grass. Once clear of the zone of stones. Sa\T
L
\\'here it has receded from the chalky soil. Innumerable white scabs all shapes and sizes. Of strikimr effect in
t"'
the light of the moon. In the way of animals ovines L.
onh. After long hesitation. Thev are white and make do with little. Whence suddenh' come no knowing nor whither as suddenl~-gone. Unshepherded the~ stra~ as they list. Flowers? Careful. Alone the odd crocus still at lambing time. And lllan? Shut of at last'? Alas no.
SH
S0
L.
For will she not be surprised one da:- to find him gone? Surprised no she is be:-ond surprise. How man:-? A figure come what may. Tll-elve. 'ATherewith to furnish the horizon's narrOlI round. She raises her eyes and sees 0l1e. Turns away and sees another. So on. Ahl-ays afar. Still or recE'ding. She neyer once sml- one come toward her. Or she forgets. She foruets. Are tht'v
C' t" always the same? Do the\- see her? Enough.
A moor would haH' better met the case. "Vere there a case better to meet. ThfTe had to lw lambs. Riuhth
t" .
or wrongl:-. A moor would have allowed of them. Lambs for their \I-hitcness. And for Otlli'! ' reasons as yet obscure. Another reason. And so that there may be none. At lambing timt'. That from one moment to
the nt',,"t she l11a:- raise her ews to [mel them gone. A
moor would have allowed of tlli'm. In am- case too late.
AmI what lambs. X0 trace of frolic. White splotches
in the grass. Aloof from the unheeding ewes. Still.
Then a moment straYing. Then still again. To think
•,L
there is still life in this age. GentlY gently.
L•~•
She is drawn to a certain spot. At times. There stands a stone. It it is draws lwr. Rounded rectangular block three times as high as wide. Four. Her stature now. Her lowly stature. When it draws she must to it. She cannot see it from her door. Blindfold she could fmd her way. With herself she has no more converse. Never had much. Now none. As had she the misfor tune to be still of this world. But when the stone draws then to her feet the prayer, Take her. Especially at
night when the skies are clear. With moon or without.
They take her and halt her before it. There she too as
if of stone. But black. Sometimes in the light of the
L
moon. Most! y of the stars alone. Docs she envy it?
)
To the imaginary stranger the dwelling appears deserted. Under constant watch it betrays no sign of life. The eye glued to one or the other window has nothing but black drapes for its pains. Motionless against the door he listens long. No sound. Knocks. No answer. Watches all night in vain for the least glim mer. Returns at last to his own and avows, Noone.
60
61
She shows herself onh- to her own. But she has no own. Yes yes she has one. And who has her.
There was a time when she did not appear in the
zone of stones. A long time. Was not therefore to be
seen going out or coming in. When she appeared onl:
in the pastures. Was not therefore to be seen leaving
them. Save as though by enchantment. But little by
little she began to appear. In the zone of stones. First
darkly. Then more and more plain. Till in detail she
could be seen crossing the threshold both wa:-s and
closing the door behind her. Then a time when within G
her walls she did not appear. A long time. But little b: little she began to appear. Within her walls. Darkly. Time truth to tell still current. Though she within them no more. This long time.
Yes within her walls so far at the window onlY. At one or the other window. Rapt before the sky. And onl;- half seen so far a pallet and a ghostl:- chair. III half seen. And how in her faint comings and goings she suddenly stops dead. And how hard set to rise up
from off her knees. But there too little by little she begins to appear more plain. Within her walls. As well as other objects. Such as under her pillow-such as deep in some recess this still shadow:- album. Perhaps in time be by her when she takes it on her knees. See the old fingers fumble through the pages. And what scenes the;- can possibl:- be that draw the head down lower still and hold it in thrall. In the meantime who knows no more than withered flowers. No more!
But quick seize her where she is best to be seized. In the pastures far from shelter. She crosses the zone of stones and is there. Clearer and clearer as she goes. Quick seeing she goes out less and less. And so to sa: only in winter. Winter in her winter haunts she wan ders. Far from shelter. Head bowed she makes her slow wavering way across the snow. It is evening. Yet again.
On the snow her long shadow keeps her company. The others are there. All about. The twelve. Afar. Still or receding. She raises her eyes and sees one. Turns away and sees another. Again she stops dead. Now the moment or never. But something forbids. Just time
62
63
The face must \\ait. Jlist time hefort, tIw l>\{; ea,. ;t down. \Vhere nothin~ to IJ(' s('en ill tIl(' ~razin~ ra\,. ; Intt ,. ;nO\\. :\m] hO\\~ all aJ)(jut litt]l' IJY litt}l' l1I'r footprint,. ; all' e('faced.
\\ hat i,. ; it defend,. ; h('f? E\Tn from her O\\n. ;\Yl'l'ts tl1l' intent ~azl" Incriminate,. ; tht, dearly won. ForlJids lh\~inin~ Iwr. \V hat hut lift' endin~. Hers. The Otlll'l"S. But ";0 otIwrwi,. ;t'. She nt'eds nothin~. Nothin~ utter
thc otl1l'r. H(m need in the eml? But
to JJ('£in to £Iilll}l,. ;e a frin£l' of }dack
\~('il.
wait for her to reappear. In order to resume. Resume the-what is the word? What the wrong word?
Riveted to some detail of the desert the eve fills with /
tears.
Which in other words of al1 the innumerable ways of
l)ing is likc1) to pron' in the long run the most emlear
ing. If having cra\ded in the \\~a)~ clescribed he fal1s it
\\~ouldnormalll~be on his face. lndeecl giyen the degree •LL
44
'l,S
of his fatigue and discouragement at this point it is '- '
hard to see how he could elo otherwise. But onu' fallc'n anel h ing on his face then' is no reason wh\ he shuuld
, '- .
not turn oyer on one or otllt'r of his sieles or on his onl\~
hack and so lie should am of tlwst' three posture's otTer
hetter compal1\ than an: of the other three. The SUpilW
though most tempting he must EmaIl: disallcm as ]wing
aln~ael: supplit'd IJ\ the hearer. With regard to the
sidelon£ one glance is enou£h to clispel thc'm hoth.
Ll. . . L
Lc·aving him \\~ith no otlwr choice than the proue. But how prone? Prone h(m? Hcm~ disposed the legs? TIH' arms? The heael? Prone in the elark he strains to sec' hOi\' hest he Illay lie prone. How most companionahh.
Seehearerclearer. Whichofallthei\aYS ofhing
supine the least likely in the long run to pall? After
long straining e\~es closeel prone in the elark the follc)\\
ing. But first nakecl or covereel? If onh \\ith a sll\'t't.
Nakeel. Ghostly in tllt' voice's glimmer that b(lll('\\~hite •L
flesh for compan:. Heael resting mainl: on occipital ]lUlllp aforc'saiel. Legs joineel at attention. Feet spla\ ed nim't\ d('grc'(·s. Hanels invisilJh manacled crossed on
pubis. Other ddails as neeel felt. Leaw him at that for tlw moment.
Numb with the woes of iour kinel \~oU raise none the
less :our head from off :our hands anel open :our t'i e".
You turn on withuut moving from: our place the light
above HJU. Your t'\es light on tIlt' watch hing lwneath . . L. L
it. But instead of rc'adin£ the hour of night thc'\ follOi\
16
1';'
L
rounel anel rounel the second hand
L,
now preceded h: its shael()\\. HOllIS later it seelllS to
yOU as follows. At 60 s('ccmels and 30 seconds shadOi\
hielden In hancl. From 60 to 30 shad(m preced('s hand
at a elistance increasing from z('ro at 60 to maximum
at 1. 5 anel thence decreasing to nt'\\~ zt'ru at 30. From
30to60shado\\~followshanelatadistanceincreasing
from zc'ro at 30 to maximum at 45 and th('nce decreas
ing to new zero at 60. Slant light no\\ to elia] ll\ lllOiing
LLL
either to either side anel hand hides shad()\\ at t\\0
quite elifferent points as for example 50 and 20. indeeel
at an: two quite elifferent points \\hatev('r ckpending
on dearee of slant. But ho\\'('v('r ureat or small tl](' slanl
~. ~
anel mort' or l(,ss remote from initial 60 and ,')0 t11l'
llO\\~
foll()\\ed and
ne\\~ points of zero shadO\\~ the spact' lwtween the two remains OIl(' of 30 seconcls. The shadow emerges from
L
Ilncler hand at an: point \\hatever of its circuit to fol Io's or pn'ced(' it for the spac(' of 30 s(~conds. Tht'n disappears inflnitel:~ briefly lwfore elllerging again to pn'cede or follow it for tIlt' ;,;pace of 30 secolllis again. And so on and OIl. This would se('tIl to bt' tIl(' olle con stant. For tIl(' \ T n distance it:::elf l)('t\\een hand und shadO\\ \aries as til(' d('gn'(' of slant. But 11O\n'\~ngreut
or small Ihis distance it invariabh \\ a'd'S and \\ all('S from nothing to a Illaxillllllll 1. "1 seconds later and to nothinG a(Tain I::; sc'conds latc'! ' auuill n's! )('ctiyeh. And
t"'
shines on :ou through the eastern window and flings all along the floor \ our shadow allli that of the lamp 1<>ft lit above \ou. •\ nl! those of ot! wr ohj<'cts also.
What VISIOns in the dark of light! Who exclaims thus? Who asks who exclaims, What visions in tIlt' shade1<'ss dark of light and shade! Yet another still? Devising it all for compan:. What a further addition to companv that would he! Yet another still devisint! it all for compan:~. Qnick l('av(' him.
Somehow at any pricE' to make an end wl1('n YOU
could go out no more you sat huddled in the dark. e.
Having coven,d in your day some twentv-five thou
r--
so OIl and on. This \\()]jld :::('em to ! )(' a sC'e<md con:::tanl.
Mon' Illight hay(' bc('n obse! 'Yed Oil Ihe :::ubjec! of this ;,;('Cond hand and its :::hadow in their seelllingh endk:::s
L
••
•
paral1<>1 rotation rOllnd and round the dial and othn yariabks awl constants l)[(H! uht to light and errors if
t:" l
am cOlT('c! ed in \\hat had sec'med so far. Bllt unable to eontinue \ ou bO\\ \our head back to wl]('re it was and \\ith c:lo:::ed ('\C'S }'I'turn to the \\O('S of \our kind. Dawn finds \OU still in Ihis posilion. 'I'll(' 10\\ sun
ance overstepped a radius of one frolll hOllle. Home! So sat waiting to be purged the old lutist cause of
LL
Dante's first quarter-smile and now perhaps singing praisE'S with some section of the blest at last. To whom here in any case farewell. The place is windowless. WhE'n as :~ou sometimes do to void thE' fluid :ou open
It)
49
t' - .
sand leagut's or roughlv thrice the girdle. And never e. LL'•L
\ our n('s dark lesst'ns. Thus \ ou now on \ our back in the dark once sat huddled the[(' lOur boch ha\~in~ shown \OU it could go out no more. Out no more to walk the little winding back roads and interjacent pas
tun's now alive with flocks and nOi\~ deserkd. ,Yith at \ our dhow for long \ears ,our father's shade in his old tramping rags and then for long wars alone. Add ing step after stt'p to the ein mounting Slllll of thost' alread: accomplished. Halting nO\\~ and then \rith lJowt'd lwad to h'\: the score. Then on from nought anew. Huddled thus IOU find \ourself imagining yon
. . LL.
art' not alone \\hile know~ingfull wt'll that nothing has
occulTed to make this possible. The process continues
none the less lapped as it were in its meaninglessness.
You clo not murmur in so mam words, I know this
doonwd to fail and :~et persist. No. For the first per
sonal and a fortiori plural pronoun had never a l F
place in your yocabularv. But without a w~ord \ou
view \ourseIf to this effect as vou would a stranger
••L
suffering: sa\ from Hodgkin's disease or if :ou preft'r Percival Pott's surprised at prayer. From time to time
with une. \. pt'cted grace :Oll lie. Simultanl'oush the yarious parts sd out. The arms llnclasp the kne('s. The head lifts. The legs start to straight(·ll. The trunk tilts hack\\anl. "\nd together these and cOlllltless ot! WI'S contillLw on their res! )('ctiye \\~a:s till tIll': can go no fnrth("r and together CO! lle to resl. Supine no\\ \Oll [('sunl<' \our fable whne tIl<' act of h ing cut it short.
50
Sl
. .
.
And persist till the conVI'E,e operation cuts it short
again. So in the clark wm huddled and now supine: Oll
toil in vain. j\ nd just as froll! the fornwr position to the
lattt'r tIl<' shift grows easil'r in time and ! llO[(' alacrious
L
so from the latter to the former the [('v("rse is lnw. Till from til<' occasional rdid it \\"as supineness ! Wl'OIll<'S habitual and finalh tht' rule. You nuw on \Ollr ! >ack in
the dark shall not rise to : our arse again to clasp: U lll'
legs in \our arms and how down lour hl'ad till it can o. .
lJ()W~
down no furtht'r. But with face llpturned for goud
labour in vain at \ our fable. Till finalh \OU ! Lear how
\\~ords arc comina to an end. With (-'ven inane \\unl ~.
a little nearer to the last. And hOi\ the faIlle tou. TIl<' fable of one with IOU in til<' dark. The falde of OlH'
;. . . ,
~
~
::. .
:::
. ~ oj
~
:::
;::
·f.
,/ m ;::
;:i
;. . . ,
~
From where she lies she sees Venus rise. On. From
where she lies when the skies are clear she sees Venus
rise followed by the sun. Then she rails at the sourC("
/
of all life. On. At evening when the skies are clear she
savours its star's revenge. At the other window. Rigid
upright on her old chair she watches for the radiant
one. Her old deal spindlebacked kitchen chair. It
emerges from out the last ra~sand sinking ever bright
er is engulfed in its turn. On. She sits on erect and G
rigid in the deepening gloom. Such helplessness to
move she cannot help. Heading on foot for a particular
point often she freezes on the wa~-. Unable till long
after to move on not kn(H\ing \vhither or for what pur
pose. DO\m on her knees especiall~ she fiuds it hard
not to remain so forever. Hand resting on hand on
L
some convenient support. Such as the foot of her bed. And on them her head. There then she sits as though
turned to stone face to the night. Save for the white of ,_
her hair and faintly bluish white of face and hands all
. ')'1
,
is black. For an e~-e having no need of light to see. All this in the present as had she the misfortune to be still of this world.
The cabin. Its situation. Careful. On. At the inexis tent centre of a formless place. Rather more circular than otherwise finally. Flat to be sure. To cross it in a straight line takes her from five to ten minutes. Depending on her speed and radius taken. Hen' she who loves to-here she who now can only straY never straYs. Stones increasingl~-abound. Ever scankr even
the rankest weed. Meagre pastures hem it round on which it slowly gains. With none to gainsay. To have
•LL•
gainsaid. As if doomed to spread. How come a cabin in such a place? How came? Careful. Bt'fon~ reph'ing that in th(~ far past at the tinw of its building there was clover growing to its ver~- walls. Imp]:'ing furthermore that it the culprit. And from it as from an evil core that the what is the wrong word the evil spread. And none to urge-none to haw urged its demolition. As if doomed to (>ndure. Question answered.
Chalkstones of striking effect in the light of tht' moon. Let it be in
opposition when the skies are clear. Quick then still under the spell of Venus quick to the other window to see the other marvel rise. How whiter and whiter as it climbs it whitens more and more the stones. Rigid with face and hands against the pane she stands and marvels long.
The two zones form a roughl}- circular wholl'. As though outlined bv a trembling hand. Diameter. Care-
L•L
ful. Say one furlong. On an average. Be\'ond the un-
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known. Mercifullv. The feeling at times of heing below
,LL
sea level. Especiall~-at night when the skies are clear.
Invisible nearby sea. Inaudible. The entire surface
under grass. Once clear of the zone of stones. Sa\T
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\\'here it has receded from the chalky soil. Innumerable white scabs all shapes and sizes. Of strikimr effect in
t"'
the light of the moon. In the way of animals ovines L.
onh. After long hesitation. Thev are white and make do with little. Whence suddenh' come no knowing nor whither as suddenl~-gone. Unshepherded the~ stra~ as they list. Flowers? Careful. Alone the odd crocus still at lambing time. And lllan? Shut of at last'? Alas no.
SH
S0
L.
For will she not be surprised one da:- to find him gone? Surprised no she is be:-ond surprise. How man:-? A figure come what may. Tll-elve. 'ATherewith to furnish the horizon's narrOlI round. She raises her eyes and sees 0l1e. Turns away and sees another. So on. Ahl-ays afar. Still or recE'ding. She neyer once sml- one come toward her. Or she forgets. She foruets. Are tht'v
C' t" always the same? Do the\- see her? Enough.
A moor would haH' better met the case. "Vere there a case better to meet. ThfTe had to lw lambs. Riuhth
t" .
or wrongl:-. A moor would have allowed of them. Lambs for their \I-hitcness. And for Otlli'! ' reasons as yet obscure. Another reason. And so that there may be none. At lambing timt'. That from one moment to
the nt',,"t she l11a:- raise her ews to [mel them gone. A
moor would have allowed of tlli'm. In am- case too late.
AmI what lambs. X0 trace of frolic. White splotches
in the grass. Aloof from the unheeding ewes. Still.
Then a moment straYing. Then still again. To think
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there is still life in this age. GentlY gently.
L•~•
She is drawn to a certain spot. At times. There stands a stone. It it is draws lwr. Rounded rectangular block three times as high as wide. Four. Her stature now. Her lowly stature. When it draws she must to it. She cannot see it from her door. Blindfold she could fmd her way. With herself she has no more converse. Never had much. Now none. As had she the misfor tune to be still of this world. But when the stone draws then to her feet the prayer, Take her. Especially at
night when the skies are clear. With moon or without.
They take her and halt her before it. There she too as
if of stone. But black. Sometimes in the light of the
L
moon. Most! y of the stars alone. Docs she envy it?
)
To the imaginary stranger the dwelling appears deserted. Under constant watch it betrays no sign of life. The eye glued to one or the other window has nothing but black drapes for its pains. Motionless against the door he listens long. No sound. Knocks. No answer. Watches all night in vain for the least glim mer. Returns at last to his own and avows, Noone.
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She shows herself onh- to her own. But she has no own. Yes yes she has one. And who has her.
There was a time when she did not appear in the
zone of stones. A long time. Was not therefore to be
seen going out or coming in. When she appeared onl:
in the pastures. Was not therefore to be seen leaving
them. Save as though by enchantment. But little by
little she began to appear. In the zone of stones. First
darkly. Then more and more plain. Till in detail she
could be seen crossing the threshold both wa:-s and
closing the door behind her. Then a time when within G
her walls she did not appear. A long time. But little b: little she began to appear. Within her walls. Darkly. Time truth to tell still current. Though she within them no more. This long time.
Yes within her walls so far at the window onlY. At one or the other window. Rapt before the sky. And onl;- half seen so far a pallet and a ghostl:- chair. III half seen. And how in her faint comings and goings she suddenly stops dead. And how hard set to rise up
from off her knees. But there too little by little she begins to appear more plain. Within her walls. As well as other objects. Such as under her pillow-such as deep in some recess this still shadow:- album. Perhaps in time be by her when she takes it on her knees. See the old fingers fumble through the pages. And what scenes the;- can possibl:- be that draw the head down lower still and hold it in thrall. In the meantime who knows no more than withered flowers. No more!
But quick seize her where she is best to be seized. In the pastures far from shelter. She crosses the zone of stones and is there. Clearer and clearer as she goes. Quick seeing she goes out less and less. And so to sa: only in winter. Winter in her winter haunts she wan ders. Far from shelter. Head bowed she makes her slow wavering way across the snow. It is evening. Yet again.
On the snow her long shadow keeps her company. The others are there. All about. The twelve. Afar. Still or receding. She raises her eyes and sees one. Turns away and sees another. Again she stops dead. Now the moment or never. But something forbids. Just time
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63
The face must \\ait. Jlist time hefort, tIw l>\{; ea,. ;t down. \Vhere nothin~ to IJ(' s('en ill tIl(' ~razin~ ra\,. ; Intt ,. ;nO\\. :\m] hO\\~ all aJ)(jut litt]l' IJY litt}l' l1I'r footprint,. ; all' e('faced.
\\ hat i,. ; it defend,. ; h('f? E\Tn from her O\\n. ;\Yl'l'ts tl1l' intent ~azl" Incriminate,. ; tht, dearly won. ForlJids lh\~inin~ Iwr. \V hat hut lift' endin~. Hers. The Otlll'l"S. But ";0 otIwrwi,. ;t'. She nt'eds nothin~. Nothin~ utter
thc otl1l'r. H(m need in the eml? But
to JJ('£in to £Iilll}l,. ;e a frin£l' of }dack
\~('il.
wait for her to reappear. In order to resume. Resume the-what is the word? What the wrong word?
Riveted to some detail of the desert the eve fills with /
tears.
