No More Learning

The youth excelling so in mien,
The maid in ev'ry grace of feature.
Oh, how happy are such lovers,
When kindred beauties each discovers;
For surely she Was made for thee,
And thou to bless this lovely creature!

So mild your looks, your children thence
Will early learn the task of duty--
The boys with all their father's sense,
The girls with all their mother's beauty!
Oh, how happy to inherit
At once such graces and such spirit!
Thus while you live
May fortune give
Each blessing equal to your merit! [_Exeunt_. ]




SCENE III. --_A Library in_ DON JEROME'S _House_.

DON JEROME _and_ DON FERDINAND _discovered_.


_Don Jer_. Object to Antonio! I have said it. His poverty, can you
acquit him of that?

_Don Ferd_. Sir, I own he is not over rich; but he is of as ancient
and honourable a family as any in the kingdom.

_Don Jer_. Yes, I know the beggars are a very ancient family in most
kingdoms; but never in great repute, boy.

_Don Ferd_. Antonio, sir, has many amiable qualities.

_Don Jer_. But he is poor; can you clear him of that, I say? Is he not
a gay, dissipated rake, who has squandered his patrimony?

_Don Ferd_. Sir, he inherited but little; and that his generosity,
more than his profuseness, has stripped him of; but he has never
sullied his honour, which, with his title, has outlived his means.

_Don Jer_. Psha! you talk like a blockhead! nobility, without an
estate, is as ridiculous as gold lace on a frieze coat.

_Don Ferd_. This language, sir, would better become a Dutch or English
trader than a Spaniard.

_Don Jer_. Yes; and those Dutch and English traders, as you call them,
are the wiser people. Why, booby, in England they were formerly as
nice, as to birth and family, as we are: but they have long discovered
what a wonderful purifier gold is; and now, no one there regards
pedigree in anything but a horse. Oh, here comes Isaac! I hope he has
prospered in his suit.

_Don Ferd_. Doubtless, that agreeable figure of his must have helped
his suit surprisingly.

_Don Jer_. How now? [DON FERDINAND _walks aside_. ]


_Enter_ ISAAC.

Well, my friend, have you softened her?

_Isaac_. Oh, yes; I have softened her.

_Don Jer_. What, does she come to?

_Isaac_. Why, truly, she was kinder than I expected to find her.

_Don Jer_. And the dear little angel was civil, eh?

_Isaac_. Yes, the pretty little angel was very civil.

_Don Jer_. I'm transported to hear it! Well, and you were astonished
at her beauty, hey?

_Isaac_. I was astonished, indeed! Pray, how old is Miss?

_Don Jer_. How old? let me see--eight and twelve--she is twenty.

_Isaac_. Twenty?

_Don Jer_. Ay, to a month.

_Isaac_. Then, upon my soul, she is the oldest-looking girl of her age
in Christendom!

_Don Jer_. Do you think so? But, I believe, you will not see a
prettier girl.

_Isaac_. Here and there one.

_Don Jer_. Louisa has the family face.

_Isaac_. [_Aside_. ] Yes, egad, I should have taken it for a family
face, and one that has been in the family some time, too.

_Don Jer_. She has her father's eyes.

_Isaac_. [_Aside_. ]Truly, I should have guessed them to have been so!
If she had her mother's spectacles, I believe she would not see the
worse.

_Don Jer_. Her aunt Ursula's nose, and her grandmother's forehead, to
a hair.

_Isaac_. [_Aside_. ]Ay, 'faith, and her grandfather's chin, to a hair.

_Don Jer_. Well, if she was but as dutiful as she's handsome--and hark
ye, friend Isaac, she is none of your made-up beauties--her charms are
of the lasting kind.

_Isaac_. I'faith, so they should--for if she be but twenty now, she
may double her age before her years will overtake her face.

_Don Jer_. Why, zounds, Master Isaac! you are not sneering, are you?

_Isaac_. Why now, seriously, Don Jerome, do you think your daughter
handsome?

_Don Jer_. By this light, she's as handsome a girl as any in Seville.

_Isaac_. Then, by these eyes, I think her as plain a woman as ever I
beheld.

_Don Jer_. By St. Iago! you must be blind.

_Isaac_. No, no; 'tis you are partial.

_Don Jer_. How! have I neither sense nor taste? If a fair skin, fine
eyes, teeth of ivory, with a lovely bloom, and a delicate shape,--if
these, with a heavenly voice and a world of grace, are not charms, I
know not what you call beautiful.

_Isaac_. Good lack, with what eyes a father sees! As I have life, she
is the very reverse of all this: as for the dimity skin you told me
of, I swear 'tis a thorough nankeen as ever I saw! for her eyes, their
utmost merit is not squinting--for her teeth, where there is one of
ivory, its neighbour is pure ebony, black and white alternately, just
like the keys of a harpsichord. Then, as to her singing, and heavenly
voice--by this hand, she has a shrill, cracked pipe, that sounds for
all the world like a child's trumpet.

_Don Jer_. Why, you little Hebrew scoundrel, do you mean to insult me?
Out of my house, I say!

_Don Ferd_. [_Coming forward_. ] Dear sir, what's the matter?

_Don Jer_. Why, this Israelite here has the impudence to say your
sister's ugly.

_Don Ferd_. He must be either blind or insolent.

_Isaac_. [_Aside_. ]So, I find they are all in a story. Egad, I believe
I have gone too far!

_Don Ferd_. Sure, sir, there must be some mistake; it can't be my
sister whom he has seen.

_Don Jer_. 'Sdeath! you are as great a fool as he! What mistake can
there be? Did not I lock up Louisa, and haven't I the key in my own
pocket? and didn't her maid show him into the dressing-room? and yet
you talk of a mistake! No, the Portuguese meant to insult me--and, but
that this roof protects him, old as I am, this sword should do me
justice.

_Isaac_. I[_Aside_. ] must get off as well as I can--her fortune is not
the less handsome.

DUET.

_Isaac_.
Believe me, good sir, I ne'er meant to offend;
My mistress I love, and I value my friend
To win her and wed her is still my request,
For better for worse--and I swear I don't jest.

_Don Jer_.
Zounds! you'd best not provoke me, my rage is so high!

_Isaac_.
Hold him fast, I beseech you, his rage is so high!
Good sir, you're too hot, and this place I must fly.

_Don Jer_.
You're a knave and a sot, and this place you'd best fly.

_Isaac_. Don Jerome, come now, let us lay aside all joking, and be
serious.

_Don Jer_. How?

_Isaac_. Ha! ha! ha! I'll be hanged if you haven't taken my abuse of
your daughter seriously.

_Don Jer_. You meant it so, did not you?

_Isaac_. O mercy, no! a joke--just to try how angry it would make you.

_Don Jer_. Was that all, i'faith? I didn't know you had been such a
wag. Ha! ha! ha! By St. Iago! you made me very angry, though. Well,
and you do think Louisa handsome?

_Isaac_. Handsome! Venus de Medicis was a sybil to her.

_Don Jer_. Give me your hand, you little jocose rogue! Egad, I thought
we had been all off.

_Don Ferd_. [_Aside_. ] So! I was in hopes this would have been a
quarrel; but I find the Jew is too cunning.

_Don Jer_. Ay, this gust of passion has made me dry--I am seldom
ruffled. Order some wine in the next room--let us drink the poor
girl's health. Poor Louisa! ugly, eh! ha! ha! ha! 'twas a very good
joke, indeed!

_Isaac_. [_Aside_. ] And a very true one, for all that.
_Don Jer_, And, Ferdinand, I insist upon your drinking success to my
friend.

_Don Ferd_. Sir, I will drink success to my friend with all my heart.

_Don Jer_. Come, little Solomon, if any sparks of anger had remained,
this would be the only way to quench them.

TRIO.
A bumper of good liquor
Will end a contest quicker
Than justice, judge, or vicar;
So fill a cheerful glass,
And let good humour pass.
But if more deep the quarrel,
Why, sooner drain the barrel
Than be the hateful fellow
That's crabbed when he's mellow.
A bumper, &c. [_Exeunt_. ]




SCENE IV. --ISAAC'S _Lodgings_.

_Enter_ DONNA LOUISA.


_Don. Louisa_. Was ever truant daughter so whimsically circumstanced
as I am? I have sent my intended husband to look after my lover--the
man of my father's choice is gone to bring me the man of my own: but
how dispiriting is this interval of expectation!

SONG.

What bard, O Time, discover,
With wings first made thee move?
Ah! sure it was some lover
Who ne'er had left his love!
For who that once did prove
The pangs which absence brings,
Though but one day He were away,
Could picture thee with wings?
What bard, &c.


_Enter_ DON CARLOS.

So, friend, is Antonio found?

_Don Car_. I could not meet with him, lady; but I doubt not my friend
Isaac will be here with him presently.

_Don. Louisa_. Oh, shame! you have used no diligence. Is this your
courtesy to a lady, who has trusted herself to your protection?

_Don Car_. Indeed, madam, I have not been remiss.

_Don. Louisa_. Well, well; but if either of you had known how each
moment of delay weighs upon the heart of her who loves, and waits the
object of her love, oh, ye would not then have trifled thus!

_Don Car_. Alas, I know it well!

_Don. Louisa_. Were you ever in love, then?

_Don Car_. I was, lady; but, while I have life, I will never be again.

_Don. Louisa_. Was your mistress so cruel?

_Don Car_. If she had always been so, I should have been happier.

SONG.

Oh, had my love ne'er smiled on me,
I ne'er had known such anguish;
But think how false, how cruel she,
To bid me cease to languish;
To bid me hope her hand to gain,
Breathe on a flame half perish'd;
And then with cold and fixed disdain,
To kill the hope she cherish'd.

Not worse his fate, who on a wreck,
That drove as winds did blow it,
Silent had left the shatter'd deck,
To find a grave below it.
Then land was cried--no more resign'd,
He glow'd with joy to hear it;
Not worse his fate, his woe, to find
The wreck must sink ere near it!

_Don. Louisa_. As I live, here is your friend coming with Antonio!
I'll retire for a moment to surprise him. [_Exit_. ]


_Enter_ ISAAC _and_ DON ANTONIO.

_Don Ant_. Indeed, my good friend, you must be mistaken. Clara
d'Almanza in love with me, and employ you to bring me to meet her! It
is impossible!

_Isaac_. That you shall see in an instant. Carlos, where is the lady? --
[DON CARLOS _points to the door_. ] In the next room, is she?

_Don Ant_. Nay, if that lady is really here, she certainly wants me to
conduct her to a dear friend of mine, who has long been her lover.

_Isaac_. Psha! I tell you 'tis no such thing--you are the man she
wants, and nobody but you. Here's ado to persuade you to take a pretty
girl that's dying for you!

_Don Ant_. But I have no affection for this lady.

_Isaac_. And you have for Louisa, hey? But take my word for it,
Antonio, you have no chance there--so you may as well secure the good
that offers itself to you.

_Don Ant_. And could you reconcile it to your conscience to supplant
your friend?

_Isaac_. Pish! Conscience has no more to do with gallantry than it has
with politics. Why, you are no honest fellow if love can't make a
rogue of you; so come--do go in and speak to her, at least.

_Don Ant_, Well, I have no objection to that.

_Isaac_. [_Opens the door_. ] There--there she is--yonder by the
window--get in, do. --[_Pushes him in, and half shuts the door_. ] Now,
Carlos, now I shall hamper him, I warrant! Stay, I'll peep how they go
on. Egad, he looks confoundedly posed! Now she's coaxing him. See,
Carlos, he begins to come to--ay, ay, he'll soon forget his
conscience.

_Don Car_. Look--now they are both laughing!

_Isaac_. Ay, so they are--yes, yes, they are laughing at that dear
friend he talked of--ay, poor devil, they have outwitted him.

_Don Car_, Now he's kissing her hand.

_Isaac_, Yes, yes, faith, they're agreed--he's caught, he's entangled.
My dear Carlos, we have brought it about. Oh, this little cunning
head! I'm a Machiavel--a very Machiavel!

_Don Car_, I hear somebody inquiring for you--I'll see who it is.
[_Exit_. ]


_Re-enter_ DON ANTONIO _and_ DONNA LOUISA.

_Don Ant_. Well, my good friend, this lady has so entirely convinced
me of the certainty of your success at Don Jerome's, that I now resign
my pretensions there.

_Isaac_. You never did a wiser thing, believe me; and, as for
deceiving your friend, that's nothing at all--tricking is all fair in
love, isn't it, ma'am?

_Don. Louisa_. Certainly, sir; and I am particularly glad to find you
are of that opinion.

_Isaac_. O Lud! yes, ma'am--let any one outwit me that can, I say! But
here, let me join your hands. There you lucky rogue! I wish you
happily married from the bottom of my soul!

_Don. Louisa_. And I am sure, if you wish it, no one else should
prevent it.

_Isaac_. Now, Antonio, we are rivals no more; so let us be friends,
will you?

_Don Ant_. With all my heart, Isaac.

_Isaac_. It is not every man, let me tell you, that would have taken
such pains, or been so generous to a rival.

_Don Ant_. No, 'faith, I don't believe there's another beside yourself
in all Spain.

_Isaac_. Well, but you resign all pretensions to the other lady?

_Don Ant_. That I do, most sincerely.

_Isaac_. I doubt you have a little hankering there still.

_Don Ant_. None in the least, upon my soul.

_Isaac_. I mean after her fortune.

_Don Ant_. No, believe me. You are heartily welcome to every thing she
has.

_Isaac_. Well, i'faith, you have the best of the bargain, as to
beauty, twenty to one. Now I'll tell you a secret--I am to carry off
Louisa this very evening.

_Don. Louisa_. Indeed!

_Isaac_. Yes, she has sworn not to take a husband from her father's
hand--so I've persuaded him to trust her to walk with me in the
garden, and then we shall give him the slip.

_Don. Louisa_. And is Don Jerome to know nothing of this?

_Isaac_. O Lud, no! there lies the jest. Don't you see that, by this
step, I over-reach him? I shall be entitled to the girl's fortune,
without settling a ducat on her. Ha! ha! ha! I'm a cunning dog, an't
I? a sly little villain, eh?

_Don Ant_. Ha! ha! ha! you are indeed!

_Isaac_. Roguish, you'll say, but keen, eh? devilish keen?

_Don Ant_. So you are indeed--keen--very keen.

_Isaac_. And what a laugh we shall have at Don Jerome's when the truth
comes out I hey?

_Don. Louisa_. Yes, I'll answer for it, we shall have a good laugh,
when the truth comes out, Ha! ha! ha!

_Re-enter_ DON CARLOS.

_Don Car_. Here are the dancers come to practise the fandango you
intended to have honoured Donna Louisa with.

_Isaac_. Oh, I shan't want them; but, as I must pay them, I'll see a
caper for my money. Will you excuse me?

_Don. Louisa_. Willingly.

_Isaac_. Here's my friend, whom you may command for any service.
Madam, our most obedient--Antonio, I wish you all happiness. --
[_Aside_. ] Oh, the easy blockhead! what a tool I have made of him! --
This was a masterpiece! [_Exit_. ]

_Don. Louisa_.