wretched
man that I am,
who shall deliver me?
who shall deliver me?
Childrens - Children's Sayings
"
A lady, when teaching a class of poor chil-
dren, put the question, "If boys and girls do
not love and follow Jesus, and follow Satan
instead, what will he do for them? "
"Burn them ! " shouted a little urchin.
A little boy and girl whose mother was ill
and inaccessible were overheard by their aunt
holding the following pathetic consultation on
the subject of their nurse's unkindness to them:
"What shall we do? " said the girl hope-
lessly.
"I'm going to , ask father to send nurse
away," replied her brother sturdily.
"What shall you do if he won't? "
"Then I'll ask God to help us. "
"But perhaps God won't send her away. "
? "Well, then," said the little chap in desperate
earnest, "I'll see what the Devil can do for
us. "
After proper investigation nurse was dis-
missed.
A little fellow about five years old wished
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
he could be God just for five minutes. On
being asked what he would do, he said, " I
would kill the Devil. "
Jack was lying on the rug one Sunday, medi-
tating; his aunt had been reading to him. He
looked up and said, "Auntie, who mends hell-
fire? "
Edith was a little mite about three years
old who had some strange theological fancies.
"Mother," she asked one day in deep, solemn
tones, "has the Devil got a Saviour? "
The answer is not recorded. Whatever it
may have been, it is pleasant to remember
that touching old legend which tells how
the Neckan sat playing his golden harp
on a boulder in the river at evening, and
the children of the minister coming by
mocked at him, saying, "Why do you
play on your harp, Neckan? Do you not
know that you can never be saved? " and
the poor Neckan ceased playing and sing-
ing, and began to weep bitterly. But the
children went home and told their father,
who reproved them and sent them back
with a message of comfort. "Do not cry,
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
poor Neckan," said the children; "father
says that your Redeemer liveth too. " And
the Neckan sat on the rock and joyfully
played on his harp till long after sunset.
Equally beautiful--it could scarcely be more
beautiful--is the legend referred to by the
Count de Maistre: "A saint, whose very
name I have forgotten, had a vision, in
which he saw Satan standing before the
throne of God, and listening, he heard the
evil spirit say,' Why hast Thou condemned
me who have offended Thee but once,
whilst Thou savest thousands of men who
have offended Thee many times? ' God
answered him, 'Hast thou once asked
pardon of me ? '. . . . What matter
whether the saint had or had not heard
the sublime words I have quoted? The
great point is to know that pardon is re-
fused only to him who does not ask it. "
Infinitely preferable and wiser has been the
training which underlies the following
incident:
Willie, aged four, came to his mamma one
day with the complaint that sister Nellie (who
was busy making cake down in the kitchen)
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
would not give him something to eat which he
had asked for.
Mamma generally considered it wise to up-
hold her daughter's authority with the little
ones, as she had often to leave them in her
care, but to-day she remembered that her little
son had eaten very little at the last meal; so
she told him to ask Sissy very nicely and say
that mamma had said he might ask again.
Then off he ran, but as he trotted down
the kitchen stairs he called out, "Now me's
brought some contradingtion for you. " Need-
less to say, he soon returned with a very down-
cast face, saying Sissy still would not give him
what he wanted.
Then mamma told him she had heard what
he said to Nellie, and was not surprised that
she had refused him, ending by asking why he
had spoken like that when he had been told to
ask very nicely.
He stood looking down for a few moments,
then raising his lovely blue eyes to her face
with a most penitent look, replied, "Me really
didn't mean to, mamma, but the little man in-
side me just made me do it. "
In the following group of Sayings the effect
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
of bible-class lessons and bible reading is
very conspicuous. In most instances it is
evident that the young people have carried
away the lesson and retained it, though
their application of what they have learnt
is more amusing than edifying. That, if we
regard it rightly, is so much to their credit.
Economy was the prescribed subject of a
little girl's essay. She was much puzzled for
an example, and mother suggested the well-
known incident of the Queen and her bonnet-
strings.
Suddenly the small scholar looked up
radiantly and said, "I know a better, mother--
the Creation. It was made out of nothing, and
was very good. "
A mother asked her little dauglrter who was
the first man. She replied, "Adam. " Then,
turning to the little boy of three, "And who
was the first woman? " "Madam ! " came the
prompt reply. *
* A very similar story appears in "Lighter Moments,
from the Notebook of Bishop Walsham How " (Isbister);
but if this reply was given once, it has probably been given
hundreds of times. It is more obvious than little Tom
Hood's guess that the name of Noah's wife was Joan
of Arc.
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
A little boy of four years old was sitting on
his sister's lap while she was reading to two
elder children Drummond's charming little
book about a cricket match, which he takes as
typical of our life on earth.
A week after this event, the fall of Adam and
Eve was read at family prayers. The little
boy looked up into his mother's face and said,
"Adam and Eve were both bowled out first
ball, weren't they, mamma? " Few people
would imagine that a child so young could so
thoroughly grasp the author's true meaning.
Teaching the story of the fall in a mission
school, a lady asked her class where Adam
and Eve hid after they disobeyed God.
One wee lassie smiled and said, "Please,
up an entry! "
Needless to add, that was her idea of a hiding
place.
R. had been listening to the story of the
serpent in the Garden of Eden, and was told
that the reptile was Satan. The little fellow
then said, "I saw wee Satan peeking [meaning
creeping] about among my feet. "
My little maiden of four was to have a tea-
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
party. "Tell me your friends' names," I said,
"and I will write to them. "
"There is first my dear Cain and Abel, and
darling Samuel," she replied; and I heard her
afterwards gravely telling her aunt that I had
asked them, but they "could not come," as
Samuel had influenza (of which she has had a
lion's share in her small life) and Cain was
busy killing Abel!
Two little people had a friend who was going
to the Holy Land and Egypt. One of them
wondered if he "would find any broken bits of
Moses' 'Tables of Stone,'" and the other
thought that perhaps their friend might "get a
sail in Peter's boat," and thought it must be
"very nice to be going to Canaan. "
Two or three Sundays ago I was explaining
what a long training Moses had to fit him for
his work, and how he was eighty years old
when he led that great army out of Egypt.
"But," interrupted little Alfred excitedly,
"my grandmother's eighty-two, and she can go
up hill like anything. "
While teaching the two elder children the ten
commandments, the fourth being the lesson of
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
the day, Norman said, "Mamma, Gyp is our
cattle, isn't he ? "--Gyp being a small Scotch
terrier and the only beastie "aboot the
hoose. "
A little girl aged six was one afternoon at
the washhand basin, washing her hands. Her
father, coming in on the same errand, was about
to ignore her presence, when he was thus
promptly called to order for his seeming breach
of etiquette: "Father, you should be like
Moses. "
"How? "
"Because he let the women to the water
first, and drove the men away. "
Our embryo divine of seven delights in
recounting the ever-fascinating bible stories
with original variations. This is how Jonah is
"handled ":
"No, Jonah wasn't 'zackly a bad man, only
he didn't want to go and teach the children
which was their right hands and lefts. "
He is not very clear on this point himself, so
this is given out with a fine air of scorn.
"So, of course, the whale swallowed him;
but I 'spect he felt pretty tight, for he soon
began to cough, and cough, till up came Jonah,
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
and he wasn't hurted the least bit; but I think
he must have been very dirty. And so--well,
that's all about Jonah. "
A class of little boys had been having lessons
on Elijah. The chariot of fire had been the
subject of the last lesson. When their teacher
asked, "What did Elisha say when Elijah left
him? " one small boy said, "Please, teacher,
I know: he said, 'My father, my father, the
chariot of Israel and the horsemen, they are
off! '"
Paul interrupted a story of Daniel and the
pulse, which was described as porridge to
> simplify it. "Was it Quaker oats or Waver-
ley? " he asked, mindful of recent experi-
ences.
One of our boys was most anxious to be
permitted to work his mother's sewing machine.
Once, after listening attentively to the story of
Daniel's deliverance from the lions' den, he
asked eagerly, "And did his mother let him
work the sewing machine after that? "
A lady, who was conducting a class of boys
in a Sunday-school in the High Street of Edin-
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
burgh, gave for a lesson the call of Samuel in
the night.
The small urchins began a discussion, one
boy's version being that the gas went out, and
Samuel was left in the dark: another ex-
claimed, "It was naething o' the kind; it was
just a paraffin lamp. "
When little Ada, aged three, had been told
the story of Lot's wife being turned into a pillar
of salt, she asked her mother anxiously, "Is all
salt made of ladies? "
Later, when six years old, she was called one
Sunday, "Come, Ada, and learn your cate-
chism," whereupon she answered roguishly, " If
it's for me, it ought to be a kittychism! "
A little nephew and niece of mine were
playing in the garden, when their mother
observed that they had quarrelled and the
younger, a boy of three years, was crying.
On going down to inquire the cause he said,
"She called me a bad name, mother, and I'm
not that. "
The culprit confessed that she had pointed
at her little brother and said, "Go up, thou
bald-head, go up, thou bald-head," to him.
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
She was told then that the children were
being taken to the Zoo, and she should be left
at home, when she smartly replied, " If I went
perhaps the bears would eat me! "
I well remember the following incident of
early days in the old North-country home.
When my eldest brother (an exceptionally
gifted man, who scarcely lived to middle age)
was a very little boy his mother had occasion
to correct him for some fault, telling him that
his parents could not love him so well if he
did such things. He thought a moment, then
gravely replied, "When my father and mother
forsake me, the Lord will take me up! "
Another little child was sitting on a stool at
her mother's knee, learning a short prayer.
On former Sunday afternoons the reward for
a well-learnt text had been a French plum.
Winnie, as she sat clasping her fat little hands
on her fat little knees, chanced to catch sight
of the bottle with its white label, and the dear,
sticky, black things inside.
"I am thy servant," she repeated dreamily;
"I am thy servant: give me, give me--a plum! "
A plum was so much more desirable than mere
dull "understanding. "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"Now, what would you have done, Jim,"
asked a young teacher, giving a lesson on the
Flood, "if you had been there? "
"Taken a twam," said five-year-old Jim
wisely.
L. lived in Kensington. He was naughty, and
as a punishment his mother shut him in a
room and went out. As she returned she saw
her boy leaning as far out of the window as he
could, shouting, "Oh !
wretched man that I am,
who shall deliver me? "
It is very interesting to get at the real
thoughts of a young child; you find sometimes
that they have very practical minds.
Eric had said his text, "But now I am a
man I have put away childish things," and
remarked, "I think it was too bad of Paul to
put away his childish things, auntie; he might
have give them to another little boy. "
We remember a girlie who was often taken
by her grandma to visit the graves of little
ones dear to her.
One day, much to grandma's sorrow, she
found her girlie had told an untruth; so, to
improve the occasion, the story of Ananias and
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
Sapphira was related. Judge of the narrator's
feelings when the little one asked, "Are they
buried in Rosebank? " the cemetery she was
in the habit of walking in.
Doubtless she thought of visiting their
graves!
At a class of boys I had in the Sunday-school,
when they were reading aloud the Gospel one
of them read, "And when he had agreed with
the labourers for a penny a day," in a tone of
astonishment, and in the same breath, in a tone
of disgust, "How mean, teacher! "
A little girl, on hearing the parable of the
Prodigal Son, remarked, "I don't believe a
whole calf could be put on a dish. "
"Who was Father Christmas's father? "
asked a teacher of a child of seven, thinking
to puzzle him.
Like a flash came back the answer, "I should
think, like Joshua, he was the son of Nun"
[none].
Last Christmas morning the teacher ot an
infant class asked a child, "What day is this? "
"To-day is Jesus's birthday, and yesterday
was Sammy's," he answered.
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
The same children were asked, "Who was
Joseph's father? " Their faces were all blank,
until the teacher said "Jacob," when little
May brightened up, saying, "We get cakes
from Jacob " (the biscuit manufacturer).
Tom was present when his aunt, speaking
of Tennyson's death, said, "After all, he was
an old man; it was time for him to be in
Abraham's bosom. " "Abraham's bosom must
be nearly full now," said Tom; "perhaps he
will have to go into Isaac's. "
Lillie, seeing in a familiar hymn the line--
Cherubim and Seraphim falling down before Thee,
said, " Mother, was Cheru the boy? "
"What do you mean, dear? " asked her
mother.
"Because, you see, Sarah was the girl! "
Evidently she thought that the Bim and
Phim families were the worshippers.
A paterfamilias, having been in Leeds, found
it impossible to reach his home in Scotland
except by travelling with the Saturday night
express, which landed him at his destination
about eight o'clock next morning. One Sunday
morning, some weeks later, he found his two
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
boys, aged respectively five and two, driving a
railway express improvised from the drawer of
a wardrobe.
"Boys," he said, "trains don't go on
Sundays. "
"Oh, this is the Leeds train," said number
one, and went on with his mimic journey at
full speed.
"Willie! didn't I tell you not to play with
that cart on Sunday? "
Willie remembered watching his father drive
off that morning to one of his appointments in
the country.
"Yes, mother," he replied; "but this is a
preacher's cart. "
Once, after a lesson on being unselfish, one
child had been given a piece of paper on which
to scribble, when her brother of six made a
practical application: "I suppose, baby, you
won't be self-denying and give me that paper? "
Once a little girl about seven years of age
was at school, and seemed very eager to learn
and try to understand all her teacher said to
her. She was exceedingly fond of dolls, and
her mother had lately bought her a new one,
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
which she kept carefully. One day, while her
teacher was trying to explain to her class
of little ones about the well-known hymn,
"Ye must be born again," this bright-faced
child looked up eagerly and said, "Then I'll
keep my new doll until I am born again. "
One day a wee man remarked to his sister,
who was nearly six years old, "I'm going to
be a minister and pweach to the people. "
"Well," she said, "it is one of the safest of
trades. "
Some of their uncles are soldiers. When
the girl was between four and five years old her
grand-aunt read her Matthew xxv. Her com-
ment was, "When I am on the right hand, and
when I see you on the left, auntie, I'll be so
sorry. "
"I hope, Ernest, that you will come one day
and see my home," said a lady to a small boy
from whom she was soon to part.
"It will have to be soon," said Ernest, "for
you might be dead. "
"Do you think me so very old? "
"Yes. "
"Well, if we should never meet again on
earth, I hope we shall meet in heaven. "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"Oh," said Ernest, "but there are two
places! "
One Sunday forenoon a boy aged three
years old was playing: he looked up and asked,
"Ja-Joe, if a sailor dies at sea, is he buried in
the sea? "
Ja-Joe answered "Yes. "
"And do the fishes eat him, Ja-Joe? "
"I suppose so. "
Then a pause, when he said, "Ja-Joe, I'm
not going to be a sailor, because on the resur-
rection morning they will have such a scramble
out of the fishes' bread-baskets. "
Kate, aged eight, had been promised sixpence
to spend at the toy-shop. When she was ready
to go for her walk, her mother was unable, for
some reason, to give it her. "You shall have
it another time, dear," she said.
Kate was very angry, and sulked all the
rest of the morning. At last her governess
said, "It is very naughty of you to be so cross,
Katie, when mother gives you so many six-
pences. Think of the poor children who never
have any pennies! "
Kate became very dignified, and said in a
most injured voice, "You need not think it's
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
the sixpence I am troubling about, Miss Smith;
I am only grieved to find that my mother does
not keep her promises! "
One day Kate's elder brother, who was a
great tease, said, "You don't know your
Scripture history a bit, Kitty! "
"Indeed I do," the small maiden replied.
"Oh no, you don't," went on Master Gordon:
"you don't even know who were Ruth's father
and mother! "
"Yes, Gordon, I know quite well," she
answered indignantly, "only I never can per-
nounce those hard names. "
The remaining Sayings fall naturally into
the group which is conveniently called
miscellaneous, though several of them are
more or less closely related to one or other
of the preceding sections.
A little six-year-old nephew of mine, who
is very fond of modelling men and women
with pastry, arrived at a knowledge of the
universal fatherhood of God in a very un-
expected way. He and his sister were dining
with their parents, when the girl spoke rather
authoritatively to the servant. Their mother
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
took an opportunity to reprove her, and finished
by saying:
"You know, Nancy dear, you must not look
down on any one because she is a servant.
God made us all, and He might have made you
a servant had He chosen. "
The boy then thoughtfully remarked, "Yes,
Nancy, don't you know we are all God's
pastry? "
The sequel to this was rather pretty, for a
day or two after he was watching with disgust
some. boys playing in the mud, when some one
recommended him to join them, "because you
know, Arthur, we are all God's pastry. "
I expect the colour of some of his own pastry
occurred to his mind, for after a moment's
thought he answered, "Yes, so we are; but
I'm sure they are made of much dirtier
pastry than we are, and I won't play with
them. "
A practical illustration of love was given by
a little boy in a London omnibus. Sitting on
his grandmamma's knee, he saw a nigger
passing along the street. "Me not like black
man, nasty black man," began the child.
"You must not say that," instructed the
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
grandmother: "black man's very nice; you
should like black man. "
There was silence for a moment, then the
child looked up with a winning smile: "Would
you kiss black man, grandma? "
A funny remark was made by a little boy
who passed the cake to a lady caller and said:
"Please have some. " She refused, and he
said, "Oh! please do; it is getting so dry. "
When one of the children was on a visit
she was invited to take some gingerbread.
She would not, and the lady said, "Do take
some, it is really very nice. "
Little Margaret said, "It's not so werry
nice if you don't like it. "
"I wonder which of us will die first! " said
a little boy pensively to his sister.
"You will," said the little girl briskly, "'cos
you are the eldest. "
"No," answered her brother, not anxious for
the privilege; "ladies first. "
A little fellow aged two years and nine
months got into a bad habit of refusing to say
good-night. His aunt wished to make him
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
prove himself wrong, and the argument got to
"Who is older, you or I? "
Promptly he said, " I. "
"Very well, then ; you should teach me what
is right: what should I say before I go to
bed? "
With a slight pause he said, "You' prayers,"
then laughed most merrily.
The lecture collapsed.
A little girl was corrected by her mother
for something which she did not consider
wrong, and after some time she relieved her
mind by saying, "I love you, mamma, but I
don't like you. "
A little boy (cetat. five) once told me he didn't
think it was any use for him to begin writing
a diary, as he could not write the past years
of his life; but when he had a little boy he
should write his diary from the time he was
born, and then give it him when he was old
enough.
It is comical to see the practical side of a
child's mind in its developments. My little
girl was only two and a half when she first
experienced the delight of a garden "all for
her very own. "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"And will you plant potatoes in it ? " asked
one inquiring friend.
"Yes," said the small maiden, with a gleam,
at that early age, of a housewifely sense of
appropriate association; "yes, I will plant
potatoes and gravy in my garden! "
This same small damsel shortly before gave
her mother a most effectual check which could
not well be ignored. The latter, with the
usual rather provoking tendency of a grown-up
person, was apt to seize on minutes of com-
parative quietude and docility, and try to
improve the shining hour (or say, rather,
moment) by serious and edifying admoni-
tion.
I cannot quite remember whether the--
sermonette, shall we call it ? --on this occasion
was prompted by some wrongdoing, or whether
it was simply the effort of a young parent to
point a useful moral. However, encouraged
by rather unusual quiescence on the part of
the auditor, she must have exceeded the very
limited patience of that small person, for at
length, in the most indescribably coaxing and
altogether irresistible way, she was interrupted
by "' Amen' now, mamma! " and who could
continue after that broadest of hints?
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
One of our little girls was looking out of the
window, and noticed a lady passing who was
wearing a respirator. She remarked, "How
silly! she would not bite," evidently thinking
it was a sort of muzzle.
A little fellow was looking carefully at his
baby sister, and said, "Poor baby, she has no
teeth at all; you should take her to Mr. M. 's,"
mentioning the family dentist.
A lady, when teaching a class of poor chil-
dren, put the question, "If boys and girls do
not love and follow Jesus, and follow Satan
instead, what will he do for them? "
"Burn them ! " shouted a little urchin.
A little boy and girl whose mother was ill
and inaccessible were overheard by their aunt
holding the following pathetic consultation on
the subject of their nurse's unkindness to them:
"What shall we do? " said the girl hope-
lessly.
"I'm going to , ask father to send nurse
away," replied her brother sturdily.
"What shall you do if he won't? "
"Then I'll ask God to help us. "
"But perhaps God won't send her away. "
? "Well, then," said the little chap in desperate
earnest, "I'll see what the Devil can do for
us. "
After proper investigation nurse was dis-
missed.
A little fellow about five years old wished
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
he could be God just for five minutes. On
being asked what he would do, he said, " I
would kill the Devil. "
Jack was lying on the rug one Sunday, medi-
tating; his aunt had been reading to him. He
looked up and said, "Auntie, who mends hell-
fire? "
Edith was a little mite about three years
old who had some strange theological fancies.
"Mother," she asked one day in deep, solemn
tones, "has the Devil got a Saviour? "
The answer is not recorded. Whatever it
may have been, it is pleasant to remember
that touching old legend which tells how
the Neckan sat playing his golden harp
on a boulder in the river at evening, and
the children of the minister coming by
mocked at him, saying, "Why do you
play on your harp, Neckan? Do you not
know that you can never be saved? " and
the poor Neckan ceased playing and sing-
ing, and began to weep bitterly. But the
children went home and told their father,
who reproved them and sent them back
with a message of comfort. "Do not cry,
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
poor Neckan," said the children; "father
says that your Redeemer liveth too. " And
the Neckan sat on the rock and joyfully
played on his harp till long after sunset.
Equally beautiful--it could scarcely be more
beautiful--is the legend referred to by the
Count de Maistre: "A saint, whose very
name I have forgotten, had a vision, in
which he saw Satan standing before the
throne of God, and listening, he heard the
evil spirit say,' Why hast Thou condemned
me who have offended Thee but once,
whilst Thou savest thousands of men who
have offended Thee many times? ' God
answered him, 'Hast thou once asked
pardon of me ? '. . . . What matter
whether the saint had or had not heard
the sublime words I have quoted? The
great point is to know that pardon is re-
fused only to him who does not ask it. "
Infinitely preferable and wiser has been the
training which underlies the following
incident:
Willie, aged four, came to his mamma one
day with the complaint that sister Nellie (who
was busy making cake down in the kitchen)
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
would not give him something to eat which he
had asked for.
Mamma generally considered it wise to up-
hold her daughter's authority with the little
ones, as she had often to leave them in her
care, but to-day she remembered that her little
son had eaten very little at the last meal; so
she told him to ask Sissy very nicely and say
that mamma had said he might ask again.
Then off he ran, but as he trotted down
the kitchen stairs he called out, "Now me's
brought some contradingtion for you. " Need-
less to say, he soon returned with a very down-
cast face, saying Sissy still would not give him
what he wanted.
Then mamma told him she had heard what
he said to Nellie, and was not surprised that
she had refused him, ending by asking why he
had spoken like that when he had been told to
ask very nicely.
He stood looking down for a few moments,
then raising his lovely blue eyes to her face
with a most penitent look, replied, "Me really
didn't mean to, mamma, but the little man in-
side me just made me do it. "
In the following group of Sayings the effect
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
of bible-class lessons and bible reading is
very conspicuous. In most instances it is
evident that the young people have carried
away the lesson and retained it, though
their application of what they have learnt
is more amusing than edifying. That, if we
regard it rightly, is so much to their credit.
Economy was the prescribed subject of a
little girl's essay. She was much puzzled for
an example, and mother suggested the well-
known incident of the Queen and her bonnet-
strings.
Suddenly the small scholar looked up
radiantly and said, "I know a better, mother--
the Creation. It was made out of nothing, and
was very good. "
A mother asked her little dauglrter who was
the first man. She replied, "Adam. " Then,
turning to the little boy of three, "And who
was the first woman? " "Madam ! " came the
prompt reply. *
* A very similar story appears in "Lighter Moments,
from the Notebook of Bishop Walsham How " (Isbister);
but if this reply was given once, it has probably been given
hundreds of times. It is more obvious than little Tom
Hood's guess that the name of Noah's wife was Joan
of Arc.
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
A little boy of four years old was sitting on
his sister's lap while she was reading to two
elder children Drummond's charming little
book about a cricket match, which he takes as
typical of our life on earth.
A week after this event, the fall of Adam and
Eve was read at family prayers. The little
boy looked up into his mother's face and said,
"Adam and Eve were both bowled out first
ball, weren't they, mamma? " Few people
would imagine that a child so young could so
thoroughly grasp the author's true meaning.
Teaching the story of the fall in a mission
school, a lady asked her class where Adam
and Eve hid after they disobeyed God.
One wee lassie smiled and said, "Please,
up an entry! "
Needless to add, that was her idea of a hiding
place.
R. had been listening to the story of the
serpent in the Garden of Eden, and was told
that the reptile was Satan. The little fellow
then said, "I saw wee Satan peeking [meaning
creeping] about among my feet. "
My little maiden of four was to have a tea-
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
party. "Tell me your friends' names," I said,
"and I will write to them. "
"There is first my dear Cain and Abel, and
darling Samuel," she replied; and I heard her
afterwards gravely telling her aunt that I had
asked them, but they "could not come," as
Samuel had influenza (of which she has had a
lion's share in her small life) and Cain was
busy killing Abel!
Two little people had a friend who was going
to the Holy Land and Egypt. One of them
wondered if he "would find any broken bits of
Moses' 'Tables of Stone,'" and the other
thought that perhaps their friend might "get a
sail in Peter's boat," and thought it must be
"very nice to be going to Canaan. "
Two or three Sundays ago I was explaining
what a long training Moses had to fit him for
his work, and how he was eighty years old
when he led that great army out of Egypt.
"But," interrupted little Alfred excitedly,
"my grandmother's eighty-two, and she can go
up hill like anything. "
While teaching the two elder children the ten
commandments, the fourth being the lesson of
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
the day, Norman said, "Mamma, Gyp is our
cattle, isn't he ? "--Gyp being a small Scotch
terrier and the only beastie "aboot the
hoose. "
A little girl aged six was one afternoon at
the washhand basin, washing her hands. Her
father, coming in on the same errand, was about
to ignore her presence, when he was thus
promptly called to order for his seeming breach
of etiquette: "Father, you should be like
Moses. "
"How? "
"Because he let the women to the water
first, and drove the men away. "
Our embryo divine of seven delights in
recounting the ever-fascinating bible stories
with original variations. This is how Jonah is
"handled ":
"No, Jonah wasn't 'zackly a bad man, only
he didn't want to go and teach the children
which was their right hands and lefts. "
He is not very clear on this point himself, so
this is given out with a fine air of scorn.
"So, of course, the whale swallowed him;
but I 'spect he felt pretty tight, for he soon
began to cough, and cough, till up came Jonah,
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
and he wasn't hurted the least bit; but I think
he must have been very dirty. And so--well,
that's all about Jonah. "
A class of little boys had been having lessons
on Elijah. The chariot of fire had been the
subject of the last lesson. When their teacher
asked, "What did Elisha say when Elijah left
him? " one small boy said, "Please, teacher,
I know: he said, 'My father, my father, the
chariot of Israel and the horsemen, they are
off! '"
Paul interrupted a story of Daniel and the
pulse, which was described as porridge to
> simplify it. "Was it Quaker oats or Waver-
ley? " he asked, mindful of recent experi-
ences.
One of our boys was most anxious to be
permitted to work his mother's sewing machine.
Once, after listening attentively to the story of
Daniel's deliverance from the lions' den, he
asked eagerly, "And did his mother let him
work the sewing machine after that? "
A lady, who was conducting a class of boys
in a Sunday-school in the High Street of Edin-
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
burgh, gave for a lesson the call of Samuel in
the night.
The small urchins began a discussion, one
boy's version being that the gas went out, and
Samuel was left in the dark: another ex-
claimed, "It was naething o' the kind; it was
just a paraffin lamp. "
When little Ada, aged three, had been told
the story of Lot's wife being turned into a pillar
of salt, she asked her mother anxiously, "Is all
salt made of ladies? "
Later, when six years old, she was called one
Sunday, "Come, Ada, and learn your cate-
chism," whereupon she answered roguishly, " If
it's for me, it ought to be a kittychism! "
A little nephew and niece of mine were
playing in the garden, when their mother
observed that they had quarrelled and the
younger, a boy of three years, was crying.
On going down to inquire the cause he said,
"She called me a bad name, mother, and I'm
not that. "
The culprit confessed that she had pointed
at her little brother and said, "Go up, thou
bald-head, go up, thou bald-head," to him.
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
She was told then that the children were
being taken to the Zoo, and she should be left
at home, when she smartly replied, " If I went
perhaps the bears would eat me! "
I well remember the following incident of
early days in the old North-country home.
When my eldest brother (an exceptionally
gifted man, who scarcely lived to middle age)
was a very little boy his mother had occasion
to correct him for some fault, telling him that
his parents could not love him so well if he
did such things. He thought a moment, then
gravely replied, "When my father and mother
forsake me, the Lord will take me up! "
Another little child was sitting on a stool at
her mother's knee, learning a short prayer.
On former Sunday afternoons the reward for
a well-learnt text had been a French plum.
Winnie, as she sat clasping her fat little hands
on her fat little knees, chanced to catch sight
of the bottle with its white label, and the dear,
sticky, black things inside.
"I am thy servant," she repeated dreamily;
"I am thy servant: give me, give me--a plum! "
A plum was so much more desirable than mere
dull "understanding. "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"Now, what would you have done, Jim,"
asked a young teacher, giving a lesson on the
Flood, "if you had been there? "
"Taken a twam," said five-year-old Jim
wisely.
L. lived in Kensington. He was naughty, and
as a punishment his mother shut him in a
room and went out. As she returned she saw
her boy leaning as far out of the window as he
could, shouting, "Oh !
wretched man that I am,
who shall deliver me? "
It is very interesting to get at the real
thoughts of a young child; you find sometimes
that they have very practical minds.
Eric had said his text, "But now I am a
man I have put away childish things," and
remarked, "I think it was too bad of Paul to
put away his childish things, auntie; he might
have give them to another little boy. "
We remember a girlie who was often taken
by her grandma to visit the graves of little
ones dear to her.
One day, much to grandma's sorrow, she
found her girlie had told an untruth; so, to
improve the occasion, the story of Ananias and
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
Sapphira was related. Judge of the narrator's
feelings when the little one asked, "Are they
buried in Rosebank? " the cemetery she was
in the habit of walking in.
Doubtless she thought of visiting their
graves!
At a class of boys I had in the Sunday-school,
when they were reading aloud the Gospel one
of them read, "And when he had agreed with
the labourers for a penny a day," in a tone of
astonishment, and in the same breath, in a tone
of disgust, "How mean, teacher! "
A little girl, on hearing the parable of the
Prodigal Son, remarked, "I don't believe a
whole calf could be put on a dish. "
"Who was Father Christmas's father? "
asked a teacher of a child of seven, thinking
to puzzle him.
Like a flash came back the answer, "I should
think, like Joshua, he was the son of Nun"
[none].
Last Christmas morning the teacher ot an
infant class asked a child, "What day is this? "
"To-day is Jesus's birthday, and yesterday
was Sammy's," he answered.
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
The same children were asked, "Who was
Joseph's father? " Their faces were all blank,
until the teacher said "Jacob," when little
May brightened up, saying, "We get cakes
from Jacob " (the biscuit manufacturer).
Tom was present when his aunt, speaking
of Tennyson's death, said, "After all, he was
an old man; it was time for him to be in
Abraham's bosom. " "Abraham's bosom must
be nearly full now," said Tom; "perhaps he
will have to go into Isaac's. "
Lillie, seeing in a familiar hymn the line--
Cherubim and Seraphim falling down before Thee,
said, " Mother, was Cheru the boy? "
"What do you mean, dear? " asked her
mother.
"Because, you see, Sarah was the girl! "
Evidently she thought that the Bim and
Phim families were the worshippers.
A paterfamilias, having been in Leeds, found
it impossible to reach his home in Scotland
except by travelling with the Saturday night
express, which landed him at his destination
about eight o'clock next morning. One Sunday
morning, some weeks later, he found his two
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
boys, aged respectively five and two, driving a
railway express improvised from the drawer of
a wardrobe.
"Boys," he said, "trains don't go on
Sundays. "
"Oh, this is the Leeds train," said number
one, and went on with his mimic journey at
full speed.
"Willie! didn't I tell you not to play with
that cart on Sunday? "
Willie remembered watching his father drive
off that morning to one of his appointments in
the country.
"Yes, mother," he replied; "but this is a
preacher's cart. "
Once, after a lesson on being unselfish, one
child had been given a piece of paper on which
to scribble, when her brother of six made a
practical application: "I suppose, baby, you
won't be self-denying and give me that paper? "
Once a little girl about seven years of age
was at school, and seemed very eager to learn
and try to understand all her teacher said to
her. She was exceedingly fond of dolls, and
her mother had lately bought her a new one,
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
which she kept carefully. One day, while her
teacher was trying to explain to her class
of little ones about the well-known hymn,
"Ye must be born again," this bright-faced
child looked up eagerly and said, "Then I'll
keep my new doll until I am born again. "
One day a wee man remarked to his sister,
who was nearly six years old, "I'm going to
be a minister and pweach to the people. "
"Well," she said, "it is one of the safest of
trades. "
Some of their uncles are soldiers. When
the girl was between four and five years old her
grand-aunt read her Matthew xxv. Her com-
ment was, "When I am on the right hand, and
when I see you on the left, auntie, I'll be so
sorry. "
"I hope, Ernest, that you will come one day
and see my home," said a lady to a small boy
from whom she was soon to part.
"It will have to be soon," said Ernest, "for
you might be dead. "
"Do you think me so very old? "
"Yes. "
"Well, if we should never meet again on
earth, I hope we shall meet in heaven. "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"Oh," said Ernest, "but there are two
places! "
One Sunday forenoon a boy aged three
years old was playing: he looked up and asked,
"Ja-Joe, if a sailor dies at sea, is he buried in
the sea? "
Ja-Joe answered "Yes. "
"And do the fishes eat him, Ja-Joe? "
"I suppose so. "
Then a pause, when he said, "Ja-Joe, I'm
not going to be a sailor, because on the resur-
rection morning they will have such a scramble
out of the fishes' bread-baskets. "
Kate, aged eight, had been promised sixpence
to spend at the toy-shop. When she was ready
to go for her walk, her mother was unable, for
some reason, to give it her. "You shall have
it another time, dear," she said.
Kate was very angry, and sulked all the
rest of the morning. At last her governess
said, "It is very naughty of you to be so cross,
Katie, when mother gives you so many six-
pences. Think of the poor children who never
have any pennies! "
Kate became very dignified, and said in a
most injured voice, "You need not think it's
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
the sixpence I am troubling about, Miss Smith;
I am only grieved to find that my mother does
not keep her promises! "
One day Kate's elder brother, who was a
great tease, said, "You don't know your
Scripture history a bit, Kitty! "
"Indeed I do," the small maiden replied.
"Oh no, you don't," went on Master Gordon:
"you don't even know who were Ruth's father
and mother! "
"Yes, Gordon, I know quite well," she
answered indignantly, "only I never can per-
nounce those hard names. "
The remaining Sayings fall naturally into
the group which is conveniently called
miscellaneous, though several of them are
more or less closely related to one or other
of the preceding sections.
A little six-year-old nephew of mine, who
is very fond of modelling men and women
with pastry, arrived at a knowledge of the
universal fatherhood of God in a very un-
expected way. He and his sister were dining
with their parents, when the girl spoke rather
authoritatively to the servant. Their mother
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
took an opportunity to reprove her, and finished
by saying:
"You know, Nancy dear, you must not look
down on any one because she is a servant.
God made us all, and He might have made you
a servant had He chosen. "
The boy then thoughtfully remarked, "Yes,
Nancy, don't you know we are all God's
pastry? "
The sequel to this was rather pretty, for a
day or two after he was watching with disgust
some. boys playing in the mud, when some one
recommended him to join them, "because you
know, Arthur, we are all God's pastry. "
I expect the colour of some of his own pastry
occurred to his mind, for after a moment's
thought he answered, "Yes, so we are; but
I'm sure they are made of much dirtier
pastry than we are, and I won't play with
them. "
A practical illustration of love was given by
a little boy in a London omnibus. Sitting on
his grandmamma's knee, he saw a nigger
passing along the street. "Me not like black
man, nasty black man," began the child.
"You must not say that," instructed the
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
grandmother: "black man's very nice; you
should like black man. "
There was silence for a moment, then the
child looked up with a winning smile: "Would
you kiss black man, grandma? "
A funny remark was made by a little boy
who passed the cake to a lady caller and said:
"Please have some. " She refused, and he
said, "Oh! please do; it is getting so dry. "
When one of the children was on a visit
she was invited to take some gingerbread.
She would not, and the lady said, "Do take
some, it is really very nice. "
Little Margaret said, "It's not so werry
nice if you don't like it. "
"I wonder which of us will die first! " said
a little boy pensively to his sister.
"You will," said the little girl briskly, "'cos
you are the eldest. "
"No," answered her brother, not anxious for
the privilege; "ladies first. "
A little fellow aged two years and nine
months got into a bad habit of refusing to say
good-night. His aunt wished to make him
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
prove himself wrong, and the argument got to
"Who is older, you or I? "
Promptly he said, " I. "
"Very well, then ; you should teach me what
is right: what should I say before I go to
bed? "
With a slight pause he said, "You' prayers,"
then laughed most merrily.
The lecture collapsed.
A little girl was corrected by her mother
for something which she did not consider
wrong, and after some time she relieved her
mind by saying, "I love you, mamma, but I
don't like you. "
A little boy (cetat. five) once told me he didn't
think it was any use for him to begin writing
a diary, as he could not write the past years
of his life; but when he had a little boy he
should write his diary from the time he was
born, and then give it him when he was old
enough.
It is comical to see the practical side of a
child's mind in its developments. My little
girl was only two and a half when she first
experienced the delight of a garden "all for
her very own. "
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
"And will you plant potatoes in it ? " asked
one inquiring friend.
"Yes," said the small maiden, with a gleam,
at that early age, of a housewifely sense of
appropriate association; "yes, I will plant
potatoes and gravy in my garden! "
This same small damsel shortly before gave
her mother a most effectual check which could
not well be ignored. The latter, with the
usual rather provoking tendency of a grown-up
person, was apt to seize on minutes of com-
parative quietude and docility, and try to
improve the shining hour (or say, rather,
moment) by serious and edifying admoni-
tion.
I cannot quite remember whether the--
sermonette, shall we call it ? --on this occasion
was prompted by some wrongdoing, or whether
it was simply the effort of a young parent to
point a useful moral. However, encouraged
by rather unusual quiescence on the part of
the auditor, she must have exceeded the very
limited patience of that small person, for at
length, in the most indescribably coaxing and
altogether irresistible way, she was interrupted
by "' Amen' now, mamma! " and who could
continue after that broadest of hints?
149
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? CHILDREN'S SAYINGS
One of our little girls was looking out of the
window, and noticed a lady passing who was
wearing a respirator. She remarked, "How
silly! she would not bite," evidently thinking
it was a sort of muzzle.
A little fellow was looking carefully at his
baby sister, and said, "Poor baby, she has no
teeth at all; you should take her to Mr. M. 's,"
mentioning the family dentist.
