No More Learning

Ulysses —
And wake him to the answer, think you ?
Nestor — Yes, It is most meet : Whom may you else oppose, That can from Hector bring those honors off,
If not Achilles ? Though't be a sportful combat, Yet in the trial much opinion dwells ;
For here the Trojans taste our dear'st repute
With their fin'st palate : And trust to me, Ulysses, Our imputation shall be oddly poised
In this wild action : for the success,
Although particular, shall give a scantling
Of good or bad unto the general ;
And in such indexes, although small pricks
To their subsequent volumes, there is seen
The baby figure of the giant mass
Of things to come at large. It is supposed,
He, that meets Hector, issues from our choice : And choice, being mutual act of all our souls, Makes merit her election ; and doth boil,
As 'twere from forth us all, a man distilled
Out of her virtues ; Who miscarrying,
What heart receives from hence a conquering part, To steel a strong opinion to themselves ?
Which entertained, limbs are his instruments,
In no less working, than are swords and bows Directive by the limbs.
Ulysses — —
Give pardon to my speech ;
Therefore 'tis meet Achilles meet not Hector. Let us, like merchants, show our foulest wares,
This challenge that the gallant Hector sends, However it is spread in general name, Relates in purpose only to Achilles.
204
GREEKS AND TROJANS.
And think, perchance, they'll sell ; if not, The luster of the better shall exceed,
By showing the worst first. Do not consent, That ever Hector and Achilles meet ;
For both our honor and our shame, in this,
Are dogged with two strange followers. Nestor —
I see them not with my old eyes ; what are they ? Ulysses —
What glory our Achilles shares from Hector,
Were he not proud, we all should share with him : But he already is too insolent ;
And we were better parch in Afric's sun,
Than in the pride and salt scorn of his eyes, Should he 'scape Hector fair : if he were foiled, Why, then we did our main opinion crush
In taint of our best man. No, make a lottery ; And, by device, let blockish Ajax draw
The sort to fight with Hector : Among ourselves, Give him allowance for the better man,
For that will physic the great Myrmidon,
Who broils in loud applause ; and make him fall His crest, that prouder than blue Iris bends.
If the dull brainless Ajax come safe off,
We'll dress him up in voices :
Yet go we under our opinion still
That we have better men. But, hit or miss, — Our project's life this shape of sense assumes, Ajax, employed, plucks down Achilles' plumes.
Nestor — Ulysses,
If he fail,
Now I begin to relish thy advice ;
And I will give a taste of it forthwith
To Agamemnon : go we to him straight.
Two curs shall tame each other ; Pride alone Must tarre the mastiffs on, as 'twere their bone.
[Exeunt.
Scene: The Grecian Camp. Enter Agamemnon, Ulysses, Dio- medes, Nestor, Ajax, Menelaus, and Calchas.
Agamemnon —
What wouldst thou of us, Trojan ? make demand.
Calchas —
You have a Trojan prisoner called Antenor, Yesterday took ; Troy holds him very dear,
GREEKS AND TROJANS.
Oft have you (often have you thanks therefore) Desired my Cressid in right great exchange, Whom Troy hath still denied : But this Anteuor, I know, is such a wrest in their affairs,
That their negotiations all must slack,
Wanting his manage ; and they will almost
Give us a prince of blood, a son of Priam,
In change of him : let him be sent, great princes, And he shall buy my daughter : and her presence Shall quite strike off all service I have done,
In most accepted pain.
205
Agamemnon —
Let Diomedes bear him And bring us Cressid hither; Calchas shall have
What he requests of us. — Good Diomed, Furnish you fairly for this interchange : Withal, bring word — if Hector will to-morrow Be answered in his challenge : Ajax is ready.
Diomedes —
This shall I undertake ; and 'tis a burden
Which I
am proud to bear.
[Exeunt Diomedes and Calchas.
Enter Achilles and Patroclus, before their tent.
Ulysses — — Achilles stands i' the entrance of his tent : Please it our general to pass strangely by him, As if he were forgot ; and princes all,
Lay negligent and loose regard upon him :
I will come last: 'Tis like, he'll question me,
Why such unplausive eyes are bent, why turned on him : If so, I have derision med'cinable,
To use between your strangeness and his pride,
Which his own will shall have desire to drink ;
It may do good : pride hath no other glass
To show itself, but pride ; for supple knees
Feed arrogance, and are the proud man's fees.
Agamemnon —
We'll execute your purpose, and put on —
A form of strangeness as we pass along ;
So do each lord ; and either greet him not,
Or else disdainfully, which shall shake him more Than if not looked on. I will lead the way.
Achilles —
What, comes the general to speak with me ?
You know my mind, I'll fight no more 'gainst Troy.
206 GREEKS AND TROJANS.
Agamemnon —
What says Achilles ? would he aught with us ?
The better.
[Exeunt Agamemnon and Nestor.
Good day, good day.
Nestor —
Would you, my lord, aught with the general ?
Achilles — Nestor —
No.
Nothing, my lord. Agamemnon —
— Menelaus —
Achilles
Achilles — Ajax —
How do you ? how do you ? [Exit Menelaus.
What, does the cuckold scorn me ?
Good morrow, Ajax.
Ha?
Good morrow.
Ajax — — Ay, and good next day, too. [Exit Ajax. Achilles
What mean these fellows ? Know they not Achilles ? Patroclus —
How now, Patroclus ? Achilles —
Ajax —— Achilles
They pass by strangely : they were used to bend, To send their smiles before them to Achilles :
To come as humbly as they used to creep
To holy altars.
Achilles — What, am I poor of late ?
'Tis certain, greatness, once fallen out with fortune, Must fall out with men too : What the declined is, He shall as soon read in the eyes of others,
As feel in his own fall : for men, like butterflies, Show not their mealy wings but to the summer ; And not a man, for being simply man,
Hath any honor ; but honor for those honors
That are without him, as place, riches, favor,
Prizes of accident as oft as merit :
Which when they fall, as being slippery standers, The love that leaned on them as slippery too,
Do one pluck down another, and together
Die in the fall. But 'tis not so with me :
Fortune and I are friends ;
At ample point all that I did possess,
Save these men's looks ; who do, methinks, find out Something not worth in me such rich beholding
Ido enjoy
GREEKS AND TROJANS. 207
As they have often given. —Here is Ulysses ; I'll interrupt his reading.
How now, Ulysses ?
Ulysses — Now, great Thetis' son? Achilles —
What are you reading ?
Ulysses — A strange fellow here
Writes me, that man how dearly ever parted, How much in having, or without, or in, — Cannot make boast to have that which he hath, Nor feels not what he owes, but by reflection ; As when his virtues shining upon others
Heat them, and they retort that heat again
To the first giver.
AcJiiUes — This is not strange, Ulysses.
The beauty that is borne here in the face
The bearer knows not, but commends itself
To others' eyes : nor doth the eye itself
(That most pure spirit of sense) behold itself,
Not going from itself ; but eye to eye opposed Salutes each other with each other's form.
For speculation turns not to itself,
Till it hath traveled, and is married there
Where it may see itself : this is not strange at all.
Ulysses —
I do not strain at the position,
It is familiar; but at the author's drift: —
Who, in his circumstance, expressly proves
That no man is the lord of anything,
(Though in and of him there be much consisting,)
Till he communicate his parts to others :
Nor doth he of himself know them for aught
Till he behold them formed in the applause
Where they are extended, which, like an arch, reverberates The voice again ; or like a gate of steel
Fronting the sun, receives and renders back
His figure and his heat. I was much rapt in this ;
And apprehended here immediately
The unknown Ajax.
Heavens, what a man is there ! a very horse ;
That has he knows not what. Nature, what tilings there are Most abject in regard, and dear in use !
What things again most dear in the esteem,
And poor in worth 1 now shall we see to-morrow, An act that very chance doth throw upon him,
208
GREEKS AND TROJANS.
Ajax renowned. O heavens, what some men do, While some men leave to do !
How some men creep in skittish fortune's hall, Whiles others play the idiots in her eyes !
How one man eats into another's pride,
While pride is fasting in his wantonness !
To see these Grecian lords ! — why, even already They clap the lubber Ajax on the shoulder;
As if his foot were on brave Hector's breast, And great Troy shrinking.
Achillea —
I do believe it: for they passed by me,
As misers do by beggars ; neither gave to me
Good word, nor look : What, are my deeds forgot ?
Ulysses —
Time hath, my lord, a wallet at his back,
Wherein he puts alms for oblivion,
A great-sized monster of ingratitudes :
Those scraps are good deeds past : which are devoured As fast as they are made, forgot as soon
As done : Perseverance, dear my lord,
Keeps honor bright : To have done is to hang
Quite out of fashion, like a rusty mail
In monumental mockery. Take the instant way ;
For honor travels in a strait so narrow,
Where one but goes abreast : keep then the path ;
For emulation hath a thousand sons,
That one by one pursue : if you give way,
Or hedge aside from the direct forthright,
Like to an entered tide they all rush by,
And leave you hindmost ; —
Or, like a gallant horse fallen in first rank,
Lie there for pavement to the abject rear,
O'errun and trampled on : Then what they do in present, Though less than yours in past, must o'ertop yours :
For time is like a fashionable host,
That slightly shakes his parting guest by the hand ;
And with his arms outstretched, as he would fly,
Grasps in the comer : Welcome ever smiles,
And farewell goes out sighing. O, let not virtue seek Remuneration for the thing it was ;
For beauty, wit,
High birth, vigor of bone, desert in service,
Love, friendship, charity, are subjects all
To envious and calumniating time.
GREEKS AND TROJANS.
One touch of nature makes the whole world kin, — That all, with one consent, praise new-born gawds, Though they are made and molded of things past ; And give to dust, that is a little gilt,
More laud than gilt o'erdusted.
The present eye praises the present object:
Then marvel not, thou great and complete man,
That all the Greeks begin to worship Ajax ;
Since things in motion sooner catch the eye,
Than what not stirs. The cry went once on thee, And still it might; and yet it may again,
If thou wouldst not entomb thyself alive,
And case thy reputation in thy tent ;
Whose glorious deeds, but in these fields of late, Made emulous missions 'mongst the gods themselves, And drave great Mars to faction.
Achilles — Of this my privacy I have strong reasons.
Ulysses — But 'gainst your privacy The reasons are more potent and heroical :
'Tis known, Achilles, that you are in love
With one of Priam's daughters.
Achilles — Ha! known! Ulysses —
Is that a wonder ?
The providence that's in a watchful state,
Knows almost every grain of Plutus' gold ;
Finds bottom in the uncomprehensive deeps ;
Keeps place with thought, and almost like the gods, Does thoughts unveil in their dumb cradles.
There is a mystery (with whom relation
Durst never meddle) in the soul of state ;
Which hath an operation more divine,
Than breath, or pen, can give expressure to:
All the commerce that you have had with Troy,
As perfectly is ours, as yours, my lord ;
And better would it fit Achilles much,
To throw down Hector, than Polyxena:
But it must grieve young Pyrrhus now at home, When fame shall in our islands sound her trump ; And all the Greekish girls shall tripping sing, — Great Hector's sister did Achilles win ;
But our great Ajax bravely beat down him.
Farewell, my lord :
The fool slides o'er the ice that you should break.
vol. n. — 14
I as your lover speak ;
\E
210
GREEKS AND TROJANS.
Patroclus —
To this effect, Achilles, have I moved you :
A woman impudent and mannish grown
Is not more loathed than an effeminate man
In time of action. I stand condemned for this ; They think, my little stomach to the war,
And your great love to me, restrains you thus : Sweet, rouse yourself ; and the weak wanton Cupid Shall from your neck unloose his amorous fold, And, like a dewdrop from the lion's mane,
Be shook to air.
Achilles — Shall Ajax fight with Hector ? Patroclus —
Ay ; and, perhaps, receive much honor by him. Achilles —
I see, my reputation is at stake ;
My fame is shrewdly gored.
Patroclus — O, then beware ;
Those wounds heal ill, that men do give themselves : Omission to do what is necessary
Seals a commission to a blank of danger ;
And danger, like an ague, subtly taints
Even then when we sit idly in the sun. Achilles —
Go call Thersites hither, sweet Patroclus : I'll send the food to Ajax, and desire him To invite the Trojan lords after the combat, To see us here unarmed :
I have a woman's longing, An appetite that I am sick withal,
To see great Hector in his weeds of peace ; To talk with him, and to behold his visage, Even to my full view. A labor saved !
Enter Thersites. Thersites — A wonder !
Achilles— What?
TJiersites — Ajax goes up and down the field, asking for himself.
Achilles — How so ?
Thersites — He must fight singly to-morrow with Hector; and
is so prophetically proud of an heroical cudgeling, that he raves in saying nothing.
Achilles — How can that be ?
Thersites — Why, he stalks up and down like a peacock ; a stride,
and a stand : ruminates, like an hostess, that hath no arithmetic but her brain to set down her reckoning: bites his lip with a politic regard, as who should say — there were wit in this head, an 'twould
GREEKS AND TROJANS. 211
out; and so there is; but it lies as coldlyin him as fire ina flint, which will not show without knocking. The man's undone forever ; for if Hector break not his neck i' the combat, he'll break it himself in vain glory. He knows not me: I said, Good morrow, Ajax ; and he replies, Thanks, Agamemnon. What think you of this man, that takes me for the general ? He has grown a very land fish, language- less, a monster. A plague of opinion ! a man may wear it on both sides, like a leather jerkin.
Achilles — Thou must be my ambassador to him, Thersites. Thersites — Who, I? why, he'll answer nobody ; he professes not answering; speaking is for beggars; he wears his tongue in his arms. I will put on his presence ; let Patroclus make demands to
me, you shall see the pageant of Ajax.
Achilles — To him, Patroclus: tell him, — I humbly desire the
valiant Ajax to invite the most valorous Hector to come unarmed to my tent ; and to procure safe conduct for his person, of the mag nanimous, and most illustrious, six-or-seven-times honored captain general of the Grecian army, Agamemnon. Do this.
Patroclus — Jove bless great Ajax ! Thersites — Humph !
Patroclus — I come from the worthy Achilles, Thersites — Ha!
Patroclus —Who most humbly desires you to invite Hector to his tent,
Thersites — Humph !
Patroclus — And to procure safe conduct from Agamemnon. Thersites — Agamemnon ?
Patroclus —Ay, my lord.
Thersites — Ha !
Patroclus — What say you to't ?
Thersites — God be wi' you, with all my heart. Patroclus — Your answer, sir.
Thersites — If to-morrow be a fair day, by eleven o'clock it will go one way or other ; howsoever, he shall pay for me ere he has me.
Patroclus —Your answer, sir.
Thersites — Fare you well, with all my heart.
Achilles — Why, but he is not in this tune, is he ?
Thersites — No, but he's out o' tune thus. What music will be in him when Hector has knocked out his brains, I know not : but, I am sure, none ; unless the fiddler Apollo get his sinews to make
catlings on.
Achilles — Come, thou shalt bear a letter to him straight. Thersites — Let me bear another to his horse; for that's the
more capable creature.
Achilles — My mind is troubled, like a fountain stirred; and I my
self see not the bottom of it. [Exeunt Achilles and Patroclus.
212 GREEKS AND TROJANS.
Thersites — 'Would the fountain of your mind were clear again,
that I might water an ass at it ! than such a valiant ignorance.
I had rather be a tick in a sheep, [Exit.
Scene : Troy. A Street. Enter, at one side, . ^Eneas and Servant, with a Torch; at the other, Paris, Deiphobus, Antenor, Diomedes, and others, with Torches.
Paris —
See, ho ! who's that there ?
Deiphobus — 'Tis the lord . Eneas.
^Eneas —
Is the prince there in person ?
Had I so good occasion to lie long,
As you, Prince Paris, nothing but heavenly business Should rob my bed mate of my company.
Good morrow, lord Mneaa.
uEneas — Health to you, valiant sir, During all question of the gentle truce :
But when I meet you armed, as black defiance,
As heart can think, or courage execute.
Diomedes —
The one and other Diomed embraces.
Our bloods are now in calm ; and, so long, health :
But when contention and occasion meet,
By Jove, I'll play the hunter for thy life,
With all my force, pursuit, and policy. jEneas —
And thou shalt hunt a lion that will fly
With his face backward. — In humane gentleness, Welcome to Troy ! now, by Anchises' life, Welcome, indeed ! by Venus' hand I swear,
No man alive can love, in such a sort,
The thing he means to kill, more excellently.
Diomedes — — That's my mind too.
Paris —
A valiant Greek, Mneas ; take his hand : Witness the process of your speech, wherein You told — how Diomed, a whole week by days, Did haunt you in the field.
—
Diomedes — — We sympathize:
Jove, let iEneas live, If to my sword his fate be not the glory,
A thousand complete courses of the sun !
But, in mine emulous honor, let him die,
With every joint a wound : and that to-morrow !
^Eneas —
We know each other well.
TWO ROYAL MISTRESSES. 213
Diomedes —
We do ; and long to know each other worse.
Paris —
This is the most despiteful gentle greeting,
The noblest hateful love, that e'er I heard of. — What business, lord, so early ?
^Eneaa —
I was sent for to the king ; but why, I know not.
Paris —
His purpose meets you : 'twas to bring this Greek To Calchas' house ; and there to render him,
For the enfreed Antenor, the fair Cressid :
Let's have your company : or, if you please,
Haste there before us :
(Or, rather, call my thought a certain knowledge,) My brother Troilus lodges there to-night ;
Rouse him, and give him note of our approach.
I fear
We shall be much unwelcome.
^Eneas — That I assure you;
Troilus had rather Troy were borne to Greece,
Than Cressid borne from Troy.
Paris — There is no help ;
I constantly do think,
With the whole quality wherefore :
The bitter disposition of the time
Will have it so. On, lord ; we'll follow you. ^Eneas—Good morrow, all.
[Exit.
TWO ROYAL MISTRESSES.
Dialogue between Helen and Madame de Maintenon.
By ANNA LETITIA BARBAULD.
[Anna Letitia Antra: An English miscellaneous writer ; bora in 1743 ; married Rochemont Barbauld, a Huguenot refugee, in 1774. A volume of " Miscellaneous Pieces," written with her brother, — but the best of them hers, — gave her reputation. She wrote " Hymns in Prose for Children," " Devotional Pieces," " Early Lessons," etc. She died in 1825. ]
Helen — Whence comes it, my dear Madame Maintenon, that beauty, which in the age I lived in produced such extraor dinary effects, has now lost almost all its power ?
Maintenon — I should wish first to be convinced of the fact, before I offer to give you a reason for it.
Helen — That will be very easy ; for there is no occasion to
214 TWO ROYAL MISTRESSES.
go any further than our own histories and experience to prove what I advance. You were beautiful, accomplished, and fortu nate ; endowed with every talent and every grace to bend the heart of man and mold it to your wish : and your schemes were successful ; for you raised yourself from obscurity and dependence to be the wife of a great monarch.
— But what is this to the influence my beauty had over sovereigns and
I occasioned a long ten years' war between the most
nations !
celebrated heroes of antiquity ; contending kingdoms disputed the honor of placing me on their respective thrones ; my story is recorded by the father of verse ; and my charms make a figure even in the annals of mankind. You were, it is true, the wife of Louis XIV. , and respected in his court : but you occasioned no wars ; you are not spoken of in the history of France, though you furnished materials for the memoirs of a court. Are the love and admiration that were paid you merely as an amiable woman to be compared with the enthusiasm I inspired, and the boundless empire I obtained over all that was celebrated, great, or powerful in the age I lived in ?
Maintenon — All this, my dear Helen, has a splendid appear ance, and sounds well in a heroic poem ; but you greatly deceive yourself if you impute it all to your personal merit. Do you imagine that half the chiefs concerned in the war of Troy were at all influenced by your beauty, or troubled their heads what became of you, provided they came off with honor? Believe me, love had very little to do in the affair. Menelaus sought to revenge the affront he had received ; Agamemnon was flattered with the supreme command ; some came to share the glory, others the plunder ; some because they had bad wives at home, some in hopes of getting Trojan mistresses abroad : and Homer thought the story extremely proper for the subject of the best poem in the world. Thus you became famous ; your elopement was made a national quarrel ; the animosities of both nations were kindled by frequent battles : and the object was not the restoring of Helen to Menelaus, but the destruction of Troy by the Greeks. — My triumphs, on the other hand, were all owing to myself and to the influence of personal merit and charms over the heart of man. My birth
I had passed the bloom of youth, and was advancing to that period at which the general
was obscure ; my fortunes low ;
ity of our sex lose all importance with the other. I had to do with a man of gallantry and intrigue, a monarch who had been
TWO ROYAL MISTRESSES. 215
long familiarized with beauty, and accustomed to every refine ment of pleasure which the most splendid court in Europe could afford : Love and Beauty seemed to have exhausted all their powers of pleasing for him in vain. Yet this man I cap tivated, I fixed ; and far from being content, as other beauties had been, with the honor of possessing his heart, I brought him to make me his wife, and gained an honorable title to his tenderest affection. — The infatuation of Paris reflected little honor upon you. A thoughtless youth, gay, tender, and impressible, struck with your beauty, in violation of all the most sacred laws of hospitality carries you off, and obstinately refuses to restore you to your husband. You seduced Paris from his duty, I recovered Louis from vice ; you were the mis tress of the Trojan prince, I was the companion of the French monarch. ^
Helen — I grant you were the wife of Louis, but not the queen of France. Your great object was ambition, and in that you met with a partial success ; my ruling star was love, and I gave up everything for it. But tell me, did not I show my influence over Menelaus in his taking me again after the destruction of Troy ?
Maintenon — That circumstance alone is sufficient to show that he did not love you with any delicacy. He took you as a possession that was restored to him, as a booty that he had re covered ; and he had not sentiment enough to care whether he had your heart or not. The heroes of your age were capable of admiring beauty, and often fought for the possession of it ; but they had not refinement enough to be capable of any pure, sentimental attachment or delicate passion. Was that period the triumph of love and gallantry, when a fine woman and a tripod were placed together for prizes at a wrestling bout, and the tripod esteemed the more valuable reward of the two ? No : it is our Clelia, our Cassandra and Princess of Cleves, that have polished mankind and taught them how to love.
Helen — Rather say you have lost sight of nature and passion, between bombast on one hand and conceit on the other. Shall one of the cold temperament of France teach a Greek how to love? Greece, the parent of fair forms and soft desires, the nurse of poetry, whose soft climate and tempered skies disposed to every gentler feeling, and tuned the heart to harmony and love ! — was Greece a land of barbarians ? But recollect, if you can, an incident which showed the power of beauty in stronger
216 TWO ROYAL MISTRESSES.
colors — that when the grave old counselors of Priam on my appearance were struck with fond admiration, and could not bring themselves to blame the cause of a war that had almost ruined their country; you see I charmed the old as well as seduced the young.
Maintenon — But I, after I was grown old, charmed the
I was idolized in a capital where taste, luxury, and
young ;
magnificence were at the height ;
est wits of my time, and my letters have been carefully handed down to posterity.
Helen — Tell me now, sincerely, were you happy in your elevated fortune?
Maintenon — Alas ! Heaven knows I was far otherwise ; a thousand times did I wish for my dear Scarron again. He was a very ugly fellow, it is true, and had but little money ; but the most easy, entertaining companion in the world : we danced,
I was celebrated by the great
I spoke without fear or anxiety, and was sure to please. With Louis all was gloom, constraint, and a painful solicitude to please — which seldom produces its effect : the king's temper had been soured in the latter part of life by
laughed, and sung ;
frequent disappointments ; and I was forced continually to en deavor to procure him that cheerfulness which I had not myself. Louis was accustomed to the most delicate flatteries ; and though I had a good share of wit, my faculties were continually on the stretch to entertain him, — a state of mind little consistent with
I was afraid to advance my friends or punish my enemies. My pupils at St. Cyr were not more secluded
happiness or ease ;
from the world in a cloister than I was in the bosom of the court ; a secret disgust and weariness consumed me. I had no relief but in my work and books of devotion ; with these alone I had a gleam of happiness.
Helen — Alas ! one need not have married a great monarch for that.
Maintenon — But deign to inform me, Helen, if you were really as beautiful as fame reports ; for, to say truth, I cannot in your shade see the beauty which for nine long years had set the world in arms.
Helen — Honestly, no. I was rather low, and something sun burnt : but I had the good fortune to please ; that was all. I was greatly obliged to Homer.
Maintenon — And did you live tolerably with Menelaus after all your adventures?
THE BATTLE OF THE FROGS AND MICE.
217
Helen — As well as possible. Menelaus was a good-natured, domestic man, and was glad to sit down and end his days in quiet. I persuaded him that Venus and the Fates were the cause of all my irregularities, which he complaisantly believed. Besides, I was not sorry to return home : for, to tell you a secret, Paris had been unfaithful to me long before his death, and was fond of a little Trojan brunette whose office it was to hold up my train ; but it was thought dishonorable to give me up. I
I became a great housekeeper, worked the battles of Troy in tapestry, and spun
with my maids by the side of Menelaus, who was so satisfied with my conduct, and behaved, good man, with so much fond ness, that I verily think this was the happiest period of my life.
Maintenon — Nothing more likely ; but the most obscure wife in Greece could rival you there. Adieu ! You have convinced me how little fame and greatness conduce to happiness.
THE BATTLE OF THE FROGS AND MICE. (Translation of Parnell, corrected by Pope. )
[This delightful burlesque on the Iliad was anciently and most absurdly attributed to Homer himself. It cannot be earlier than the sixth century, and there was a tradition that the author was Plgres, brother of Queen Artemisia, who fought at Salamis, b. c. 480. — The translation is a loose paraphrase from a very inaccurate text, but is still the most spirited and entertaining yet made, and gives the mock-heroic tone perfectly. We have corrected the spelling of the names. ]
began to think love a very foolish thing :
Names ofthe Mice.
Psicharpax, Crumb-stealer. Tboxartes, Gnaw-bread. Lichomyle, Lick-meal. Ptbbkotroctes, Bacon-gnawer. Lichofinax, Lick-plate. Embasichytros, Go-in-the-pot. Lichbnor, Lickman. Troglodytes, Hole-dweller. Artophagus, Bread-eater. Tyrophaous, Cheese-eater. Pternoglyphus, Bacon-tearer. Cnisodioctes, Fat-hunter. Sitophagus, Wheat-eater. Meridarpax, Scrap-stealer.
Names ofthe Frogs.
Physignathus, Puff-cheek.
Peleus, Pelion, Pelusius, Clay-born.
Hydromeduse, Water-Queen. Hypsiboas, Loud Bawler. Seutl. sus, Beet-born. Polyphonus, Chatterbox. Limnocharib, Marsh-Grace. Crambophagus, Cabbage-eater. Limnisius, Marsh-born. Calaminthius, Mint-born. Hydrocharis, Water-Grace. Borboroccetes, Mud-nester. Prassophaqus, Leek -eater. Pelobatbs, Clay-goer. Prass^us, Leek-green. Crauqabides, Croiikerson.
THE BATTLE OF THE FROGS AND MICE.
Book L
To fill my rising song with sacred fire,
Ye tuneful Nine, ye sweet celestial quire,
From Helicon's imbow'ring height repair,
Attend my labors, and reward my prayer.
The dreadful toils of raging Mars I write,
The springs of contest, and the fields of fight ;
How threat'ning mice advanced with warlike grace, And waged dire combats with the croaking race. Not louder tumults shook Olympus' towers,
When earth-born giants dared immortal powers. These equal acts an equal glory claim,
And thus the Muse records the tale of fame.
Once on a time, fatigued and out of breath, And just escaped the stretching claws of death, A gentle mouse, whom cats pursued in vain, Flies swift of foot across the neighboring plain, Hangs o'er a brink his eager thirst to cool,
And dips his whiskers in the standing pool ; When near a courteous frog advanced his head, And from the waters, hoarse resounding, said :
" What art thou, stranger ? what the line you boast What chance hath cast thee panting on our coast ? With strictest truth let all thy words agree,
Nor let me fiud a faithless mouse in thee.
If worthy friendship, proffered friendship take, And entering view the pleasurable lake :
Range o'er my palace, in my bounty share,
And glad return from hospitable fare.
This silver realm extends beneath my sway, And me their monarch, all its frogs obey. Great Physignathus I, from Peleus' race, Begot in fair Hydromeduse' embrace,
Where by the nuptial bank that paints his side, The swift Eridanus delights to glide.
Thee too thy form, thy strength, and port proclaim A sceptered king ; a son of martial fame :
Then trace thy line, and aid my guessing eyes. " Thus ceased the frog, and thus the mouse replies : " Known to the gods, the men, the birds that fly
Through wild expanses of the midway sky, My name resounds ; and if unknown to thee, The soul of great Psicharpax lives in me.
Of brave Troxartes' line, whose sleeky down In love compressed Lichomyle the brown.
THE BATTLE OF THE FROGS AND MICE.
My mother she, and princess of the plains Where'er her father Pternotroctes reigns :
Born where a cabin lifts its airy shed,
With figs, with nuts, with varied dainties fed. But since our natures naught in common know, From what foundation can a friendship grow ? These curling waters o'er thy palace roll ;
But man's high food supports my princely soul. In vain the circled loaves attempt to lie Concealed in flaskets from my curious eye ;
In vain the tripe that boasts the whitest hue, In vain the gilded bacon shuns my view ;
In vain the cheeses, offspring of the pail,
Or honeyed cakes which gods themselves regale. And as in arts I shine, in arms I fight,
Mixed with the bravest, and unknown to flight. Though large to mine the human form appear,
Not man himself can smite my soul with fear ;
Sly to the bed with silent steps I go,
Attempt his finger, or attack his toe,
And fix indented wounds with dexterous skill ; Sleeping he feels, and only seems to feel.
Yet have we foes which direful dangers cause,
Grim owls with talons armed, and cats with claws ! And that false trap, the den of silent fate,
Where death his ambush plants around the bait ; All dreaded these, and dreadful o'er the rest
The potent warriors of the tabby vest :
If to the dark we fly, the dark they trace,
And rend our heroes of the nibbling race.
But me, nor stalks nor wat'rish herbs delight,
Nor can the crimson radish charm my sight,
The lake-resounding frogs' selected fare,
Which not a mouse of any taste can bear. "
" Thy words luxuriant on thy dainties rove ;
And, stranger, we can boast of bounteous Jove :
We sport in water, or we dance on land,
And, born amphibious, food from both command. But trust thyself where wonders ask thy view,
And safely tempt those seas I'll bear thee through : Ascend my shoulders, firmly keep thy seat,
And reach my marshy court, and feast in state. "
He said, and lent his back ; with nimble bound Leaps the light mouse, and clasps his arms around,
As thus the downy prince his mind expressed, His answer thus the croaking king addressed:
220
THE BATTLE OF THE FROGS AND MICE.
Then wond'ring floats, and sees with glad survey The winding banks dissemble ports at sea.
But when aloft the curling water rides,
And wets with azure wave his downy sides,
His thoughts grow conscious of approaching woe, His idle tears with vain repentance flow.
His locks he rends, his trembling feet he rears, Thick beats his heart with unaccustomed fears ;
He sighs, and, chilled with danger, longs for shore ; His tail, extended, forms a fruitless oar.
Half drenched in liquid death, his prayers he spake, And thus bemoaned him from the dreadful lake :
" So passed Europa through the rapid sea, Trembling and fainting all the vent'rous way ; With oary feet the bull triumphant rode,
And safe in Crete deposed his lovely load.
Ah, safe at last may thus the frog support " My trembling limbs to reach his ample court !
As thus he sorrows, death ambiguous grows :
Lo ! from the deep a water hydra rose :
He rolls his sanguined eyes, his bosom heaves,
And darts with active rage along the waves. Confused, the monarch sees his hissing foe,
And dives to shun the sable fates below.
Forgetful frog ! the friend thy shoulders bore, Unskilled in swimming, floats remote from shore He grasps with fruitless hands to find relief, Supinely falls, and grinds his teeth with grief ; Plunging he sinks, and struggling mounts again, And sinks, and strives, but strives with fate in vain. The weighty moisture clogs his hairy vest,
And thus the prince his dying rage expressed :
" Nor thou that fling'st me flound'ring from thy back,
As from hard rocks rebounds the shattering wrack, Nor thou shalt 'scape thy due, perfidious king ! Pursued by vengeance on the swiftest wing :
At land thy strength could never equal mine,
At sea to conquer, and by craft, was thine.
But Heaven has gods, and gods have searching eyes : Ye mice, ye mice, my great avengers, rise ! "
This said, he sighing gasped, and gasping died. His death the young Lichopinax espied,
As on the flowery brink he passed the day, Basked in the beam, and loitered life away.
Loud shrieks the mouse, his shrieks the shores repeat ! The nibbling nation learn their hero's fate ;
THE BATTLE OF THE FROGS AND MICE.
Grief, dismal grief, ensues ; deep murmurs sound, And shriller fury fills the deafened ground ;
From lodge to lodge the sacred heralds run,
To fix their council with the rising sun ;
Where great Troxartes, crowned in glory, reigns, And winds his lengthening court beneath the plains : Psicharpax' father, father now no more I
For poor Psicharpax lies remote from shore :
Supine he lies ! the silent waters stand,
And no kind billow wafts the dead to land !
Book II.
When rosy-fingered morn had tinged the clouds, Around their monarch mouse the nation crowds. Slow rose the monarch, heaved his anxious breast, And thus the council, filled with rage, addressed :
" For lost Psicharpax much my soul endures ; 'Tis mine the private grief, the public, yours : Three warlike sons adorned my nuptial bed, Three sons, alas, before their father dead !
Our eldest perished by the rav'ning cat,
As near my court the prince unheedful sat.
Our next, an engine fraught with danger drew, The portal gaped, the bait was hung in view, Dire arts assist the trap, the fates decoy,
And men unpitying killed my gallant boy.
The last, his country's hope, his parent's pride, Plunged in the lake by Physignathus died. Rouse all the war, my friends ! avenge the deed, And bleed that monarch, and his nation bleed. "
His words in every breast inspired alarms, And careful Mars supplied their host with arms. In verdant hulls despoiled of all their beans,
The buskined warriors stalked along the plains ; Quills aptly bound their bracing corselet made, Faced with the plunder of a cat they flayed ;
The lamp's round boss affords their ample shield, Large shells of nuts their covering helmet yield ; And o'er the region, with reflected rays,
Tall groves of needles for their lances blaze. Dreadful in arms the marching mice appear : The wond'ring frogs perceive the tumult near, Forsake the waters, thick'ning form a ring.
And ask, and hearken, whence the noises spring, When near the crowd, disclosed to public view, The valiant chief Embasichytros drew :
THE BATTLE OF THE FROGS AND MICE.
The sacred herald's scepter graced his hand,
And thus his words expressed his king's command :
" Ye frogs ! the mice, with vengeance fired, advance, And decked in armor shake the shining lance;
Their hapless prince, by Physignathus slain,
Extends incumbent on the watery plain.
Then arm your host, the doubtful battle try ; Lead forth those frogs that have the soul to die. "
The chief retires ; the crowd the challenge hear, And proudly swelling, yet perplexed appear: Much they resent, yet much their monarch blame, Who, rising, spoke to clear his tainted fame :
I never forced the mouse to death, Nor saw the gaspings of his latest breath.
" O friends !
He, vain of youth, our art of swimming tried, And venturous in the lake the wanton died; To vengeance now by false appearance led, They point their anger at my guiltless head. But wage the rising war by deep device,
And turn its fury on the crafty mice.
Your king directs the way ; my thoughts, elate With hopes of conquest, form designs of fate. Where high the banks their verdant surface heave, And the steep sides confine the sleeping wave, There, near the margin, and in armor bright, Sustain the first impetuous shocks of fight ;
Then, where the dancing feather joins the crest, Let each brave frog his obvious mouse arrest ; Each strongly grasping headlong plunge a foe,
Till countless circles whirl the lake below;
Down sink the mice in yielding waters drowned ; Loud flash the waters, echoing shores resound : The frogs triumphant tread the conquered plain, And raise their glorious trophies of the slain. "
He spake no more, his prudent scheme imparts Redoubling ardor to the boldest hearts.
Green was the suit his arming heroes chose, Around their legs the greaves of mallows close ; Green were the beets about their shoulders laid, And green the colewort which the target made ; Formed of the varied shells the waters yield, Their glossy helmets glistened o'er the field ; And tapering sea reeds for the polished spear, With upright order pierce the ambient air :
Thus dressed for war, they take th' appointed height, Poise the long arms, and urge the promised fight.
THE BATTLE OF THE FROGS AND MICE.
But, now, where Jove's irradiate spires arise,
With stars surrounded in ethereal skies,
(A solemn council called,) the brazen gates
Unbar; the gods assume their golden seats:
The sire superior leans, and points to show
What wondrous combats mortals wage below:
How strong, how large, the numerous heroes stride ; What length of lance they shake with warlike pride; What eager fire their rapid march reveals !
So the fierce Centaurs ravaged o'er the dales ; And so confirmed the daring Titans rose,
Heaped hills on hills, and bade the gods be foes.
This seen, the power his sacred visage rears ; He casts a pitying smile on worldly cares,
And asks what heavenly guardians take the list, Or who the mice, or who the frogs assist ?
If my daughter's mind
Then thus to Pallas : "
Have joined the mice, why stays she still behind ? Drawn forth by savory steams, they wind their way, And sure attendance round thine altar pay,
Where, while the victims gratify their taste,
They sport to please the goddess of the feast. "
Thus spake the ruler of the spacious skies ; When thus, resolved, the blue-eyed maid replies : "In vain, my father! all their dangers plead;
To such, thy Pallas never grants her aid.
My flowery wreaths they petulantly spoil,
And rob my crystal lamps of feeding oil
(Ills following ills) ; but what afflicts me more,
My veil that idle race profanely tore.
The web was curious, wrought with art divine ; Relentless wretches I all the work was mine : Along the loom the purple warp I spread,
Cast the light shoot, and crossed the silver thread. In this their teeth a thousand breaches tear;
The thousand breaches skillful hands repair;
For which, vile earthly duns thy daughter grieve ; But gods, that use no coin, have none to give;
And learning's goddess never less can owe; Neglected learning gets no wealth below.
Nor let the frogs to gain my succor sue,
Those clam'rous fools have lost my favor too.
For late, when all the conflict ceased at night, When my stretched sinews ached with eager fight ; When spent with glorious toil I left the field,
And sunk for slumber on my swelling shield ;
224
THE BATTLE OF THE FROGS AND MICE.
Lo, from the deep, repelling sweet repose,
With noisy croakings half the nation rose : Devoid of rest, with aching brows I lay
Till cocks proclaimed the crimson dawn of day. Let all, like me, from either host forbear,
Nor tempt the flying furies of the spear.
Let heavenly blood (or what for blood may flow) Adorn the conquest of a nobler foe,
Who, wildly rushing, meet the wondrous odds, Though gods oppose, and brave the wounded gods. O'er gilded clouds reclined, the danger view,
And be the wars of mortals scenes for you. "
So moved the blue-eyed queen, her words persuade ; Great Jove assented, and the rest obeyed.
Book III.
Now front to front the marching armies shine,
Halt ere they meet, and form the length'ning line ; The chiefs, conspicuous seen, and heard afar,
Give the loud sign to loose the rushing war ;
Their dreadful trumpets deep-mouthed hornets sound, The sounded charge remurmurs o'er the ground ;
Ev'n Jove proclaims a field of horror nigh,
And rolls low thunder through the troubled sky.
First to the fight the large Hypsiboas flew, And brave Lichenor with a javelin slew ;
The luckless warrior, filled with gen'rous flame, Stood foremost glitt'ring in the post of fame, When, in his liver struck, the javelin hung ;
The mouse fell thundering, and the target rung : Prone to the ground he sinks his closing eye, And, soiled in dust, his lovely tresses lie.
A spear at Pelion, Troglodytes cast ;
The missive spear within the bosom passed ; Death's sable shades the fainting frog surround, And life's red tide runs ebbing from the wound. Embasichytros felt Seutlaeus' dart
Transfix, and quiver in his panting heart ;
But great Artophagus avenged the slain,
And big Seutlaeus tumbling loads the plain.
And Polyphonus dies, a frog renowned
For boastful speech, and turbulence of sound ; Deep through the belly pierced, supine he lay, And breathed his soul against the face of day.
THE BATTLE OF THE FROGS AND MICE.
The strong Limnocharis, who viewed with ire A victor triumph, and a friend expire ;
With heaving arms a rocky fragment caught, And fiercely flung where Troglodytes fought,
A warrior versed in arts of sure retreat,
Yet arts in vain elude impending fate:
Full on his sinewy neck the fragment fell,
And o'er his eyelids clouds eternal dwell.
Lichenor (second of the glorious name)
Striding advanced, and took no wandering aim, Through all the frog the shining javelin flies,
And near the vanquished mouse the victor dies.
The dreadful stroke Crambophagus affrights,
Long bred to banquets, less inured to fights ;
Heedless he runs, and stumbles o'er the steep,
And wildly floundering, flashes up the deep: Lichenor, following, with a downward blow
Reached, in the lake, his unrecovered foe ;
Gasping he rolls, a purple stream of blood
Distains the surface of the silver flood ;
Through the wide wound the rushing entrails throng, And slow the breathless carcass floats along.
Limnisius good Tyrophagus assails,
Prince of the mice that haunt the flowery vales ; Lost to the milky fares and rural seat,
He came to perish on the bank of fate.
The dread Pternoglyphus demands the fight,
Which tender Calaminthius shuns by flight,
Drops the green target, springing quits the foe, Glides through the lake, and safely dives below.
The dire Pternophagus divides his way
Through breaking ranks, and leads the dreadful day; No nibbling prince excelled in fierceness more ;
His parents fed him on the savage boar :
But where his lance the field with blood imbrued, Swift as he moved Hydrocharis pursued,
Till fallen in death he lies ; a shattering stone Sounds on the neck, and crushes all the bone ;
His blood pollutes the verdure of the plain,
And from his nostrils bursts the gushing brain.
Lichopinax with Borborocoetes fights,
A blameless frog, whom humbler life delights ; The fatal javelin unrelenting flies,
And darkness seals the gentle croaker's eyes. Incensed Prassophagus, with sprightly bound, Bears Cnisodioctes off the rising ground ;
vol.