No More Learning

I did not feel or appreciate things fully, brother. My heart
. . . was hard. . . . Listen how has it happened, that I have never done good
to any one, any one in the world, because I couldn't--I am not even
pleasant to look at. . . . But everybody does me good! You, to begin with:
do you suppose I don't see that? Only I said nothing; only I said
nothing. "

"Hush, Vasya! "

"Oh, Arkasha! . . . it's all right," Vasya interrupted, hardly able to
articulate for tears. "I talked to you yesterday about Yulian
Mastakovitch. And you know yourself how stern and severe he is, even you
have come in for a reprimand from him; yet he deigned to jest with me
yesterday, to show his affection, and kind-heartedness, which he
prudently conceals from every one. . . . "

"Come, Vasya, that only shows you deserve your good fortune. "

"Oh, Arkasha! How I longed to finish all this. . . . No, I shall ruin my
good luck! I feel that! Oh no, not through that," Vasya added, seeing
that Arkady glanced at the heap of urgent work lying on the table,
"that's nothing, that's only paper covered with writing . . . it's
nonsense! That matter's settled. . . . I went to see them to-day, Arkasha;
I did not go in. I felt depressed and sad. I simply stood at the door.
She was playing the piano, I listened. You see, Arkady," he went on,
dropping his voice, "I did not dare to go in. "

"I say, Vasya--what is the matter with you? You look at one so
strangely. "

"Oh, it's nothing, I feel a little sick; my legs are trembling; it's
because I sat up last night. Yes! Everything looks green before my eyes.
It's here, here----"

He pointed to his heart. He fainted. When he came to himself Arkady
tried to take forcible measures. He tried to compel him to go to bed.
Nothing would induce Vasya to consent. He shed tears, wrung his hands,
wanted to write, was absolutely set on finishing his two pages. To avoid
exciting him Arkady let him sit down to the work.

"Do you know," said Vasya, as he settled himself in his place, "an idea
has occurred to me? There is hope. "

He smiled to Arkady, and his pale face lighted up with a gleam of hope.

"I will take him what is done the day after to-morrow. About the rest I
will tell a lie. I will say it has been burnt, that it has been sopped
in water, that I have lost it. . . . That, in fact, I have not finished it;
I cannot lie. I will explain, do you know, what? I'll explain to him all
about it. I will tell him how it was that I could not. I'll tell him
about my love; he has got married himself just lately, he'll understand
me. I will do it all, of course, respectfully, quietly; he will see my
tears and be touched by them. . . . "

"Yes, of course, you must go, you must go and explain to him. . . . But
there's no need of tears! Tears for what? Really, Vasya, you quite scare
me. "

"Yes, I'll go, I'll go. But now let me write, let me write, Arkasha. I
am not interfering with any one, let me write! "

Arkady flung himself on the bed. He had no confidence in Vasya, no
confidence at all. "Vasya was capable of anything, but to ask
forgiveness for what? how? That was not the point. The point was, that
Vasya had not carried out his obligations, that Vasya felt guilty _in
his own eyes_, felt that he was ungrateful to destiny, that Vasya was
crushed, overwhelmed by happiness and thought himself unworthy of it;
that, in fact, he was simply trying to find an excuse to go off his head
on that point, and that he had not recovered from the unexpectedness of
what had happened the day before; that's what it is," thought Arkady
Ivanovitch. "I must save him. I must reconcile him to himself. He will
be his own ruin. " He thought and thought, and resolved to go at once
next day to Yulian Mastakovitch, and to tell him all about it.

Vasya was sitting writing. Arkady Ivanovitch, worn out, lay down to
think things over again, and only woke at daybreak.

"Damnation! Again! " he cried, looking at Vasya; the latter was still
sitting writing.

Arkady rushed up to him, seized him and forcibly put him to bed. Vasya
was smiling: his eyes were closing with sleep. He could hardly speak.

"I wanted to go to bed," he said. "Do you know, Arkady, I have an idea;
I shall finish. I made my pen go faster! I could not have sat at it any
longer; wake me at eight o'clock. "

Without finishing his sentence, he dropped asleep and slept like the
dead.

"Mavra," said Arkady Ivanovitch to Mavra, who came in with the tea, "he
asked to be waked in an hour. Don't wake him on any account! Let him
sleep ten hours, if he can. Do you understand? "

"I understand, sir. "

"Don't get the dinner, don't bring in the wood, don't make a noise or it
will be the worse for you. If he asks for me, tell him I have gone to
the office--do you understand? "

"I understand, bless you, sir; let him sleep and welcome! I am glad my
gentlemen should sleep well, and I take good care of their things. And
about that cup that was broken, and you blamed me, your honour, it
wasn't me, it was poor pussy broke it, I ought to have kept an eye on
her. 'S-sh, you confounded thing,' I said. "

"Hush, be quiet, be quiet! "

Arkady Ivanovitch followed Mavra out into the kitchen, asked for the key
and locked her up there. Then he went to the office. On the way he
considered how he could present himself before Yulian Mastakovitch, and
whether it would be appropriate and not impertinent. He went into the
office timidly, and timidly inquired whether His Excellency were there;
receiving the answer that he was not and would not be, Arkady Ivanovitch
instantly thought of going to his flat, but reflected very prudently
that if Yulian Mastakovitch had not come to the office he would
certainly be busy at home. He remained. The hours seemed to him endless.
Indirectly he inquired about the work entrusted to Shumkov, but no one
knew anything about this. All that was known was that Yulian
Mastakovitch did employ him on special jobs, but what they were--no one
could say. At last it struck three o'clock, and Arkady Ivanovitch rushed
out, eager to get home. In the vestibule he was met by a clerk, who told
him that Vassily Petrovitch Shumkov had come about one o'clock and
asked, the clerk added, "whether you were here, and whether Yulian
Mastakovitch had been here. " Hearing this Arkady Ivanovitch took a
sledge and hastened home beside himself with alarm.

Shumkov was at home. He was walking about the room in violent
excitement. Glancing at Arkady Ivanovitch, he immediately controlled
himself, reflected, and hastened to conceal his emotion. He sat down to
his papers without a word. He seemed to avoid his friend's questions,
seemed to be bothered by them, to be pondering to himself on some plan,
and deciding to conceal his decision, because he could not reckon
further on his friend's affection. This struck Arkady, and his heart
ached with a poignant and oppressive pain. He sat on the bed and began
turning over the leaves of some book, the only one he had in his
possession, keeping his eye on poor Vasya. But Vasya remained
obstinately silent, writing, and not raising his head. So passed several
hours, and Arkady's misery reached an extreme point. At last, at eleven
o'clock, Vasya lifted his head and looked with a fixed, vacant stare at
Arkady. Arkady waited. Two or three minutes passed; Vasya did not speak.

"Vasya! " cried Arkady.

Vasya made no answer.

"Vasya! " he repeated, jumping up from the bed, "Vasya, what is the
matter with you? What is it? " he cried, running up to him.

Vasya raised his eyes and again looked at him with the same vacant,
fixed stare.

"He's in a trance! " thought Arkady, trembling all over with fear. He
seized a bottle of water, raised Vasya, poured some water on his head,
moistened his temples, rubbed his hands in his own--and Vasya came to
himself. "Vasya, Vasya! " cried Arkady, unable to restrain his tears.
"Vasya, save yourself, rouse yourself, rouse yourself! . . . " He could say
no more, but held him tight in his arms. A look as of some oppressive
sensation passed over Vasya's face; he rubbed his forehead and clutched
at his head, as though he were afraid it would burst.

"I don't know what is the matter with me," he added, at last. "I feel
torn to pieces. Come, it's all right, it's all right! Give over, Arkady;
don't grieve," he repeated, looking at him with sad, exhausted eyes.
"Why be so anxious? Come! "

"You, you comforting me! " cried Arkady, whose heart was torn. "Vasya,"
he said at last, "lie down and have a little nap, won't you? Don't wear
yourself out for nothing! You'll set to work better afterwards. "

"Yes, yes," said Vasya, "by all means, I'll lie down, very good. Yes!
you see I meant to finish, but now I've changed my mind, yes. . . . "

And Arkady led him to the bed.

"Listen, Vasya," he said firmly, "we must settle this matter finally.
Tell me what were you thinking about? "

"Oh! " said Vasya, with a flourish of his weak hand turning over on the
other side.

"Come, Vasya, come, make up your mind. I don't want to hurt you. I can't
be silent any longer. You won't sleep till you've made up your mind, I
know. "

"As you like, as you like," Vasya repeated enigmatically.

"He will give in," thought Arkady Ivanovitch.

"Attend to me, Vasya," he said, "remember what I say, and I will save
you to-morrow; to-morrow I will decide your fate! What am I saying, your
fate? You have so frightened me, Vasya, that I am using your own words.
Fate, indeed! It's simply nonsense, rubbish! You don't want to lose
Yulian Mastakovitch's favour--affection, if you like. No! And you won't
lose it, you will see.
I----"

Arkady Ivanovitch would have said more, but Vasya interrupted him. He
sat up in bed, put both arms round Arkady Ivanovitch's neck and kissed
him.

"Enough," he said in a weak voice, "enough! Say no more about that! "

And again he turned his face to the wall.

"My goodness! " thought Arkady, "my goodness! What is the matter with
him? He is utterly lost. What has he in his mind! He will be his own
undoing. "

Arkady looked at him in despair.

"If he were to fall ill," thought Arkady, "perhaps it would be better.
His trouble would pass off with illness, and that might be the best way
of settling the whole business. But what nonsense I am talking. Oh, my
God! "

Meanwhile Vasya seemed to be asleep. Arkady Ivanovitch was relieved. "A
good sign," he thought. He made up his mind to sit beside him all night.
But Vasya was restless; he kept twitching and tossing about on the bed,
and opening his eyes for an instant. At last exhaustion got the upper
hand, he slept like the dead. It was about two o'clock in the morning,
Arkady Ivanovitch began to doze in the chair with his elbow on the
table!

He had a strange and agitated dream. He kept fancying that he was not
asleep, and that Vasya was still lying on the bed. But strange to say,
he fancied that Vasya was pretending, that he was deceiving him, that he
was getting up, stealthily watching him out of the corner of his eye,
and was stealing up to the writing table. Arkady felt a scalding pain at
his heart; he felt vexed and sad and oppressed to see Vasya not trusting
him, hiding and concealing himself from him. He tried to catch hold of
him, to call out, to carry him to the bed. Then Vasya kept shrieking in
his arms, and he laid on the bed a lifeless corpse. He opened his eyes
and woke up; Vasya was sitting before him at the table, writing.

Hardly able to believe his senses, Arkady glanced at the bed; Vasya was
not there. Arkady jumped up in a panic, still under the influence of his
dream. Vasya did not stir; he went on writing. All at once Arkady
noticed with horror that Vasya was moving a dry pen over the paper, was
turning over perfectly blank pages, and hurrying, hurrying to fill up
the paper as though he were doing his work in a most thorough and
efficient way. "No, this is not a trance," thought Arkady Ivanovitch,
and he trembled all over.

"Vasya, Vasya, speak to me," he cried, clutching him by the shoulder.
But Vasya did not speak; he went on as before, scribbling with a dry pen
over the paper.

"At last I have made the pen go faster," he said, without looking up at
Arkady.

Arkady seized his hand and snatched away the pen.

A moan broke from Vasya. He dropped his hand and raised his eyes to
Arkady; then with an air of misery and exhaustion he passed his hand
over his forehead as though he wanted to shake off some leaden weight
that was pressing upon his whole being, and slowly, as though lost in
thought, he let his head sink on his breast.

"Vasya, Vasya! " cried Arkady in despair. "Vasya! "

A minute later Vasya looked at him, tears stood in his large blue eyes,
and his pale, mild face wore a look of infinite suffering. He whispered
something.

"What, what is it? " cried Arkady, bending down to him.

"What for, why are they doing it to me? " whispered Vasya. "What for?
What have I done? "

"Vasya, what is it? What are you afraid of? What is it? " cried Arkady,
wringing his hands in despair.

"Why are they sending me for a soldier? " said Vasya, looking his friend
straight in the face. "Why is it? What have I done? "

Arkady's hair stood on end with horror; he refused to believe his ears.
He stood over him, half dead.

A minute later he pulled himself together. "It's nothing, it's only for
the minute," he said to himself, with pale face and blue, quivering
lips, and he hastened to put on his outdoor things. He meant to run
straight for a doctor. All at once Vasya called to him. Arkady rushed to
him and clasped him in his arms like a mother whose child is being torn
from her.

"Arkady, Arkady, don't tell any one! Don't tell any one, do you hear? It
is my trouble, I must bear it alone. "

"What is it--what is it? Rouse yourself, Vasya, rouse yourself! "

Vasya sighed, and slow tears trickled down his cheeks.

"Why kill her? How is she to blame? " he muttered in an agonized,
heartrending voice. "The sin is mine, the sin is mine! "

He was silent for a moment.

"Farewell, my love! Farewell, my love! " he whispered, shaking his
luckless head. Arkady started, pulled himself together and would have
rushed for the doctor. "Let us go, it is time," cried Vasya, carried
away by Arkady's last movement. "Let us go, brother, let us go; I am
ready. You lead the way. " He paused and looked at Arkady with a downcast
and mistrustful face.

"Vasya, for goodness' sake, don't follow me! Wait for me here. I will
come back to you directly, directly," said Arkady Ivanovitch, losing his
head and snatching up his cap to run for a doctor. Vasya sat down at
once, he was quiet and docile; but there was a gleam of some desperate
resolution in his eye. Arkady turned back, snatched up from the table an
open penknife, looked at the poor fellow for the last time, and ran out
of the flat.

It was eight o'clock. It had been broad daylight for some time in the
room.

He found no one. He was running about for a full hour. All the doctors
whose addresses he had got from the house porter when he inquired of the
latter whether there were no doctor living in the building, had gone
out, either to their work or on their private affairs. There was one who
saw patients. This one questioned at length and in detail the servant
who announced that Nefedevitch had called, asking him who it was, from
whom he came, what was the matter, and concluded by saying that he could
not go, that he had a great deal to do, and that patients of that kind
ought to be taken to a hospital.

Then Arkady, exhausted, agitated, and utterly taken aback by this turn
of affairs, cursed all the doctors on earth, and rushed home in the
utmost alarm about Vasya. He ran into the flat. Mavra, as though there
were nothing the matter, went on scrubbing the floor, breaking up wood
and preparing to light the stove. He went into the room; there was no
trace of Vasya, he had gone out.

"Which way? Where? Where will the poor fellow be off to? " thought
Arkady, frozen with terror. He began questioning Mavra. She knew
nothing, had neither seen nor heard him go out, God bless him!
Nefedevitch rushed off to the Artemyevs'.

It occurred to him for some reason that he must be there.

It was ten o'clock by the time he arrived. They did not expect him, knew
nothing and had heard nothing. He stood before them frightened,
distressed, and asked where was Vasya? The mother's legs gave way under
her; she sank back on the sofa. Lizanka, trembling with alarm, began
asking what had happened. What could he say? Arkady Ivanovitch got out
of it as best he could, invented some tale which of course was not
believed, and fled, leaving them distressed and anxious. He flew to his
department that he might not be too late there, and he let them know
that steps might be taken at once. On the way it occurred to him that
Vasya would be at Yulian Mastakovitch's. That was more likely than
anything: Arkady had thought of that first of all, even before the
Artemyevs'. As he drove by His Excellency's door, he thought of
stopping, but at once told the driver to go straight on. He made up his
mind to try and find out whether anything had happened at the office,
and if he were not there to go to His Excellency, ostensibly to report
on Vasya. Some one must be informed of it.

As soon as he got into the waiting-room he was surrounded by
fellow-clerks, for the most part young men of his own standing in the
service. With one voice they began asking him what had happened to
Vasya? At the same time they all told him that Vasya had gone out of his
mind, and thought that he was to be sent for a soldier as a punishment
for having neglected his work. Arkady Ivanovitch, answering them in all
directions, or rather avoiding giving a direct answer to any one, rushed
into the inner room. On the way he learned that Vasya was in Yulian
Mastakovitch's private room, that every one had been there and that
Esper Ivanovitch had gone in there too. He was stopped on the way. One
of the senior clerks asked him who he was and what he wanted? Without
distinguishing the person he said something about Vasya and went
straight into the room. He heard Yulian Mastakovitch's voice from
within. "Where are you going? " some one asked him at the very door.
Arkady Ivanovitch was almost in despair; he was on the point of turning
back, but through the open door he saw his poor Vasya. He pushed the
door and squeezed his way into the room. Every one seemed to be in
confusion and perplexity, because Yulian Mastakovitch was apparently
much chagrined. All the more important personages were standing about
him talking, and coming to no decision. At a little distance stood
Vasya. Arkady's heart sank when he looked at him. Vasya was standing,
pale, with his head up, stiffly erect, like a recruit before a new
officer, with his feet together and his hands held rigidly at his sides.
He was looking Yulian Mastakovitch straight in the face. Arkady was
noticed at once, and some one who knew that they lodged together
mentioned the fact to His Excellency. Arkady was led up to him. He tried
to make some answer to the questions put to him, glanced at Yulian
Mastakovitch and seeing on his face a look of genuine compassion, began
trembling and sobbing like a child. He even did more, he snatched His
Excellency's hand and held it to his eyes, wetting it with his tears, so
that Yulian Mastakovitch was obliged to draw it hastily away, and waving
it in the air, said, "Come, my dear fellow, come! I see you have a good
heart. " Arkady sobbed and turned an imploring look on every one. It
seemed to him that they were all brothers of his dear Vasya, that they
were all worried and weeping about him. "How, how has it happened? how
has it happened? " asked Yulian Mastakovitch. "What has sent him out of
his mind? "

"Gra--gra--gratitude! " was all Arkady Ivanovitch could articulate.

Every one heard his answer with amazement, and it seemed strange and
incredible to every one that a man could go out of his mind from
gratitude. Arkady explained as best he could.

"Good Heavens! what a pity! " said Yulian Mastakovitch at last. "And the
work entrusted to him was not important, and not urgent in the least. It
was not worth while for a man to kill himself over it! Well, take him
away! ". . . At this point Yulian Mastakovitch turned to Arkady Ivanovitch
again, and began questioning him once more. "He begs," he said, pointing
to Vasya, "that some girl should not be told of this. Who is she--his
betrothed, I suppose? "

Arkady began to explain. Meanwhile Vasya seemed to be thinking of
something, as though he were straining his memory to the utmost to
recall some important, necessary matter, which was particularly wanted
at this moment. From time to time he looked round with a distressed
face, as though hoping some one would remind him of what he had
forgotten. He fastened his eyes on Arkady. All of a sudden there was a
gleam of hope in his eyes; he moved with the left leg forward, took
three steps as smartly as he could, clicking with his right boot as
soldiers do when they move forward at the call from their officer. Every
one was waiting to see what would happen.

"I have a physical defect and am small and weak, and I am not fit for
military service, Your Excellency," he said abruptly.

At that every one in the room felt a pang at his heart, and firm as was
Yulian Mastakovitch's character, tears trickled from his eyes.

"Take him away," he said, with a wave of his hands.

"Present! " said Vasya in an undertone; he wheeled round to the left and
marched out of the room. All who were interested in his fate followed
him out. Arkady pushed his way out behind the others. They made Vasya
sit down in the waiting-room till the carriage came which had been
ordered to take him to the hospital. He sat down in silence and seemed
in great anxiety. He nodded to any one he recognized as though saying
good-bye. He looked round towards the door every minute, and prepared
himself to set off when he should be told it was time. People crowded in
a close circle round him; they were all shaking their heads and
lamenting. Many of them were much impressed by his story, which had
suddenly become known. Some discussed his illness, while others
expressed their pity and high opinion of Vasya, saying that he was such
a quiet, modest young man, that he had been so promising; people
described what efforts he had made to learn, how eager he was for
knowledge, how he had worked to educate himself. "He had risen by his
own efforts from a humble position," some one observed. They spoke with
emotion of His Excellency's affection for him. Some of them fell to
explaining why Vasya was possessed by the idea that he was being sent
for a soldier, because he had not finished his work. They said that the
poor fellow had so lately belonged to the class liable for military
service and had only received his first grade through the good offices
of Yulian Mastakovitch, who had had the cleverness to discover his
talent, his docility, and the rare mildness of his disposition. In fact,
there was a great number of views and theories.

A very short fellow-clerk of Vasya's was conspicuous as being
particularly distressed. He was not very young, probably about thirty.
He was pale as a sheet, trembling all over and smiling queerly, perhaps
because any scandalous affair or terrible scene both frightens, and at
the same time somewhat rejoices the outside spectator. He kept running
round the circle that surrounded Vasya, and as he was so short, stood on
tiptoe and caught at the button of every one--that is, of those with
whom he felt entitled to take such a liberty--and kept saying that he
knew how it had all happened, that it was not so simple, but a very
important matter, that it couldn't be left without further inquiry; then
stood on tiptoe again, whispered in some one's ear, nodded his head
again two or three times, and ran round again. At last everything was
over. The porter made his appearance, and an attendant from the hospital
went up to Vasya and told him it was time to start. Vasya jumped up in a
flutter and went with them, looking about him.