No More Learning

Oh thou with pen perpetual in thy fist!
Dubbed for thy sins a stark Miscellanist,
So pleased the printer's orders to perform
For Messrs. _Longman_, _Hurst_ and _Rees_ and _Orme_.
Go--Get thee hence to Paternoster Row,
Thy patrons wave a duodecimo!
(Best form for _letters_ from a distant land,
It fits the pocket, nor fatigues the hand. )
Then go, once more the joyous work commence[14]
With stores of anecdote, and grains of sense,
Oh may Mammas relent, and Sires forgive!
And scribbling Sons grow dutiful and live!

Constantinople, _June_ 7^th^, 1810.
[First published, _Murray's Magazine_, 1887, vol. i. pp. 290, 291. ]

FOOTNOTES:

[8] [For John Cam Hobhouse (1786-1869), afterwards Lord Broughton de
Gyfford, see _Letters_, 1898, i. 163, _note_ i. ]

[9] [Fletcher was an indifferent traveller, and sighed for "a' the
comforts of the saut-market. " See Byron's letters to his mother,
November 12, 1809, June 28, 1810. --_Letters_, 1898, i. 256, 281. ]

[10] [Hobhouse's Miscellany (otherwise known as the _Miss-sell-any_) was
published in 1809, under the title of _Imitations and Translations from
The Ancient and Modern Classics_. Byron contributed nine original poems.
The volume was not a success. "It foundered . . . in the Gulph of
Lethe. "--Letter to H. Drury, July 17, 1811, _Letters_, 1898, i. 319. ]

[11] [The word "Sale" may have a double meaning. There may be an
allusion to George Sale, the Orientalist, and translator of the Koran. ]

[12] ["In Matthews I have lost my 'guide, philosopher, and
friend. '"--Letter to R. C. Dallas, September 7, 1811, _Letters_, 1898,
ii. 25. (For Charles Skinner Matthews, see _Letters_, 1898, i. 150,
_note_ 3. )]

[13] [Compare--
"In short, the maxim for the amorous tribe is
Horatian, 'Medio tu tutissimus ibis. '"
_Don Juan_, Canto V. stanza xvii. lines 8, 9.

The "doctrine" is Horatian, but the words occur in Ovid, _Metam. _, lib.
ii. line 137. --_Poetical Works_, 1902, vi. 273, _note_ 2. ]

[14] [Hobhouse's _Journey through Albania and other Provinces of
Turkey_, 4^to^, was published by James Cawthorn, in 1813. ]



TRANSLATION OF THE NURSE'S DOLE IN
THE _MEDEA_ OF EURIPIDES.

OH how I wish that an embargo
Had kept in port the good ship Argo!
Who, still unlaunched from Grecian docks,
Had never passed the Azure rocks;
But now I fear her trip will be a
Damn'd business for my Miss Medea, etc. , etc. [15]

_June_, 1810.
[First published, _Letters and Journals_, 1830, i. 227. ]

FOOTNOTES:

[15] ["I am just come from an expedition through the Bosphorus to
the Black Sea and the Cyanean Symplegades, up which last I scrambled
with as great risk as ever the Argonauts escaped in their hoy. You
remember the beginning of the nurse's dole in the _Medea_ [lines 1-7],
of which I beg you to take the following translation, done on the
summit;--[A 'damned business'] it very nearly was to me; for, had not
this sublime passage been in my head, I should never have dreamed of
ascending the said rocks, and bruising my carcass in honour of the
ancients. "--Letter to Henry Drury, June 17, 1810, _Letters_, 1898, i.
276.

Euripides, _Medea_, lines 1-7--
? ? ? ' ? ? ? ? ' ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? . ? . ? .
[Ei)/th' o)/phel' A)rgou~s me\ diapta/sthai ska/phos k. t. l. ]
]



MY EPITAPH. [16]

YOUTH, Nature, and relenting Jove,
To keep my lamp _in_ strongly strove;
But Romanelli was so stout,
He beat all three--and _blew_ it _out_.

_October_, 1810.
[First published, _Letters and Journals_, 1830, i. 240. ]

FOOTNOTES:

[16] ["The English Consul . . . forced a physician upon me, and in three
days vomited and glystered me to the last gasp. In this state I made my
epitaph--take it. "--Letter to Hodgson, October 3, 1810, _Letters_, 1898,
i. 298. ]



SUBSTITUTE FOR AN EPITAPH.

KIND Reader! take your choice to cry or laugh;
Here HAROLD lies--but where's his Epitaph?
If such you seek, try Westminster, and view
Ten thousand just as fit for him as you.

Athens, 1810.
[First published, _Lord Byron's Works_, 1832, ix. 4. ]



EPITAPH FOR JOSEPH BLACKET, LATE
POET AND SHOEMAKER. [17]

STRANGER! behold, interred together,
The _souls_ of learning and of leather.
Poor Joe is gone, but left his _all_:
You'll find his relics in a _stall_.
His works were neat, and often found
Well stitched, and with _morocco_ bound.
Tread lightly--where the bard is laid--
He cannot mend the shoe he made;
Yet is he happy in his hole,
With verse immortal as his _sole_.
But still to business he held fast,
And stuck to Phoebus to the _last_.
Then who shall say so good a fellow
Was only "leather and prunella? "
For character--he did not lack it;
And if he did, 'twere shame to "Black-it. "

Malta, _May_ 16, 1811.
[First published, _Lord Byron's Works_, 1832, ix. 10. ]

FOOTNOTES:

[17] [For Joseph Blacket (1786-1810), see _Letters_, 1898, i. 314,
_note_ 2; see, too, _Poetical Works_, 1898, i. 359, _note_ 1, and
441-443, _note_ 2. The _Epitaph_ is of doubtful authenticity. ]



ON MOORE'S LAST OPERATIC FARCE, OR FARCICAL OPERA. [18]

GOOD plays are scarce,
So Moore writes _farce_:
The poet's fame grows brittle[i]--
We knew before
That _Little_'s Moore,
But now't is Moore that's _little_.

_September_ 14, 1811.
[First published, _Letters and Journals_, 1830, i. 295 (_note_). ]

FOOTNOTES:

[i] _Is fame like his so brittle_? --[_MS_. ]

[18] ["On a leaf of one of his paper books I find an epigram, written at
this time, which, though not perhaps particularly good, I consider
myself bound to insert. "--Moore, _Life_, p. 137, _note_ 1. The reference
is to Moore's _M. P. ; or, The Blue Stocking_, which was played for the
first time at the Lyceum Theatre, September 9, 1811. For Moore's _nom de
plume_, "The late Thomas Little, Esq. ," compare Praed's _The Belle of
the Ball-Room_--

"If those bright lips had quoted Locke,
I might have thought they murmured Little. "]



[R. C. DALLAS. ][19]

YES! wisdom shines in all his mien,
Which would so captivate, I ween,
Wisdom's own goddess Pallas;
That she'd discard her fav'rite owl,
And take for pet a brother fowl,
Sagacious R. C. Dallas.

[First published, _Life, Writings, Opinions, etc. _, 1825, ii. 192. ]

FOOTNOTES:

[19] ["A person observing that Mr. Dallas looked very wise on a certain
occasion, his Lordship is said to have broke out into the following
impromptu. "--_Life, Writings, Times, and Opinions of Lord Byron_, 1825,
ii. 191. ]



AN ODE[20] TO THE FRAMERS OF THE FRAME BILL. [21]

1.

OH well done Lord E---- n! and better done R----r! [22]
Britannia must prosper with councils like yours;
Hawkesbury, Harrowby, help you to guide her,
Whose remedy only must _kill_ ere it cures:
Those villains; the Weavers, are all grown refractory,
Asking some succour for Charity's sake--
So hang them in clusters round each Manufactory,
That will at once put an end to _mistake_. [23]

2.

The rascals, perhaps, may betake them to robbing,
The dogs to be sure have got nothing to eat--
So if we can hang them for breaking a bobbin,
'T will save all the Government's money and meat:
Men are more easily made than machinery--
Stockings fetch better prices than lives--
Gibbets on Sherwood will heighten the scenery,
Shewing how Commerce, how Liberty thrives!

3.

Justice is now in pursuit of the wretches,
Grenadiers, Volunteers, Bow-street Police,
Twenty-two Regiments, a score of Jack Ketches,
Three of the Quorum and two of the Peace;
Some Lords, to be sure, would have summoned the Judges,
To take their opinion, but that they ne'er shall,
For LIVERPOOL such a concession begrudges,
So now they're condemned by _no Judges_ at all.

4.

Some folks for certain have thought it was shocking,
When Famine appeals and when Poverty groans,
That Life should be valued at less than a stocking,
And breaking of frames lead to breaking of bones.
If it should prove so, I trust, by this token,
(And who will refuse to partake in the hope? )
That the frames of the fools may be first to be _broken_,
Who, when asked for a _remedy_, sent down a _rope_.

[First published, _Morning Chronicle, Monday, March_ 2, 1812. ]
[See a _Political Ode by Lord Byron, hitherto unknown
as his production_, London, John Pearson, 46, Pall Mall,
1880, 8? . See, too, Mr. Pearson's prefatory Note, pp. 5, etc. ]

FOOTNOTES:

[20] ["LORD BYRON TO EDITOR OF THE _MORNING CHRONICLE_.

Sir,--I take the liberty of sending an alteration of the two last lines
of stanza 2^d^, which I wish to run as follows:--

'Gibbets on Sherwood will _heighten_ the scenery,
Shewing how commerce, _how_ liberty thrives. '

I wish you could insert it tomorrow for a particular reason; but I feel
much obliged by your inserting it at all. Of course do _not_ put my name
to the thing--believe me,

Your obliged
and very obedient servant,
BYRON.
8, St. James's Street,
_Sunday, March_ 1, 1812. "]

[21] [For Byron's maiden speech in the House of Lords, February 27,
1812, see _Letters_, 1898, ii. 424-430. ]

[22] [Richard Ryder (1766-1832), second son of the first Baron Harrowby,
was Home Secretary, 1809-12. ]

[23] Lord E. , on Thursday night, said the riots at Nottingham arose from
a "_mistake_. "



TO THE HON^BLE^ M^RS^ GEORGE LAMB. [24]

1.

The sacred song that on mine ear
Yet vibrates from that voice of thine,
I heard, before, from one so dear--
'T is strange it still appears divine.

2.

But, oh! so sweet that _look_ and _tone_
To her and thee alike is given;
It seemed as if for me alone
That _both_ had been recalled from Heaven!

3.
And though I never can redeem
The vision thus endeared to me;
I scarcely can regret my dream,
When realised again by thee.

1812.
[First published in _The Two Duchesses_, by Vere Foster,
1898, p. 374. ]

FOOTNOTES:

[24] [Caroline Rosalie Adelaide St. Jules (1786-1862) married, in 1809,
the Hon. George Lamb (see _English Bards, etc_. , line 55, _Poetical
Works_, 1898, i. 300, note 1), fourth son of the first Viscount
Melbourne. ]



[LA REVANCHE. ]

1.

There is no more for me to hope,
There is no more for thee to fear;
And, if I give my Sorrow scope,
That Sorrow thou shalt never hear.
Why did I hold thy love so dear?
Why shed for such a heart one tear?
Let deep and dreary silence be
My only memory of thee!

2.

When all are fled who flatter now,
Save thoughts which will not flatter then;
And thou recall'st the broken vow
To him who must not love again--
Each hour of now forgotten years
Thou, then, shalt number with thy tears;
And every drop of grief shall be
A vain remembrancer of me!

Undated, ? 1812.
[From an autograph MS. in the possession of Mr. Murray,
now for the first time printed. ]



TO THOMAS MOORE.

WRITTEN THE EVENING BEFORE HIS VISIT TO MR. LEIGH HUNT
IN HORSEMONGER LANE GAOL, MAY 19, 1813.

OH you, who in all names can tickle the town,
Anacreon, Tom Little, Tom Moore, or Tom Brown,--[25]
For hang me if I know of which you may most brag,
Your Quarto two-pounds, or your Two-penny Post Bag;

* * * * *

But now to my letter--to _yours_ 'tis an answer--
To-morrow be with me, as soon as you can, sir,
All ready and dressed for proceeding to spunge on
(According to compact) the wit in the dungeon--[26]
Pray Phoebus at length our political malice
May not get us lodgings within the same palace!
I suppose that to-night you're engaged with some codgers,
And for Sotheby's Blues[27] have deserted Sam Rogers;
And I, though with cold I have nearly my death got,
Must put on my breeches, and wait on the Heathcote;[28]
But to-morrow, at four, we will both play the _Scurra_,
And you'll be Catullus, the Regent Mamurra. [29]

[First published, _Letters and Journals_, 1830, i. 401. ]

FOOTNOTES:

[25] [Moore's "_Intercepted Letters; or, The Twopenny Post-Bag_, By
Thomas Brown, the Younger," was published in 1813. ]

[26] [James Henry Leigh Hunt (1784-1859) was imprisoned February, 1813,
to February, 1815, for a libel on the Prince Regent, published in the
_Examiner_, March 12, 1812. --_Letters_, 1898, ii. 205-208, _note_ 1. ]

[27] [For "Sotheby's Blues," see Introduction to _The Blues, Poetical
Works_, 1901, iv. 570, _et ibid_. , 579, 580. ]

[28] [Katherine Sophia Manners was married in 1793 to Sir Gilbert
Heathcote. See _Letters_, 1898, ii. 402, 406. ]

[29] [See _Catullus_, xxix. 1-4--

"Quis hoc potest videre? quis potest pati,
Nisi impudicus et vorax et aleo,
Mamurram habere, quod Comata Gallia
Habebat uncti et ultima Britannia? " etc. ]



ON LORD THURLOW'S POEMS. [30]

1.

WHEN Thurlow this damned nonsense sent,
(I hope I am not violent)
Nor men nor gods knew what he meant.

2.

And since not even our Rogers' praise
To common sense his thoughts could raise--
Why _would_ they let him print his lays?

3.

* * * * *

4.

* * * * *

5.

To me, divine Apollo, grant--O!
Hermilda's[31] first and second canto,
I'm fitting up a new portmanteau;

6.

And thus to furnish decent lining,
My own and others' bays I'm twining,--
So, gentle Thurlow, throw me thine in.

June 2, 1813.
[First published, _Letters and Journals_, 1830, i. 396. ]

FOOTNOTES:

[30] [One evening, in the late spring or early summer of 1813, Byron and
Moore supped on bread and cheese with Rogers. Their host had just
received from Lord Thurlow [Edward Hovell Thurlow, 1781-1829] a copy of
his _Poems on Several Occasions_ (1813), and Byron lighted upon some
lines to Rogers, "On the Poem of Mr. Rogers, entitled 'An Epistle to a
Friend. '" The first stanza ran thus--

"When Rogers o'er this labour bent,
Their purest fire the Muses lent,
T' illustrate this sweet argument. "

"Byron," says Moore, "undertook to read it aloud;--but he found it
impossible to get beyond the first two words. Our laughter had now
increased to such a pitch that nothing could restrain it. Two or three
times he began; but no sooner had the words 'When Rogers' passed his
lips, than our fit burst forth afresh,--till even Mr. Rogers himself . . .
found it impossible not to join us. A day or two after, Lord Byron sent
me the following:--'My dear Moore, "When Rogers" must not see the
enclosed, which I send for your perusal. '"--_Life_, p. 181; _Letters_,
1898, ii. 211-213, _note_ 1. ]

Thurlow's poems are by no means contemptible. A sonnet, "To a Bird, that
haunted the Water of Lacken, in the Winter," which Charles Lamb
transcribed in one of Coleridge's note-books, should be set over against
the absurd lines, "On the Poems of Mr. Rogers. "

"O melancholy bird, a winter's day
Thou standest by the margin of the pool;
And, taught by God, dost thy whole being school
To Patience, which all evil can allay:
God has appointed thee the fish thy prey;
And giv'n thyself a lesson to the fool
Unthrifty, to submit to moral rule,
And his unthinking course by thee to weigh.
There need not schools nor the professor's chair,
Though these be good, true wisdom to impart;
He, who has not enough for these to spare
Of time, or gold, may yet amend his heart,
And teach his soul by brooks and rivers fair,
Nature is always wise in every part. "

_Select Poems_, 1821, p. 90.

[See "Fragments of Criticism," _Works of Charles Lamb_, 1903, iii. 284. ]

[31] [_Hermilda in Palestine_ was published in 1812, in quarto, and
twice reissued in 1813, as part of _Poems on Various Occasions_ (8vo).
The Lines upon Rogers' _Epistle to a Friend_ appeared first in the
_Gentleman's Magazine_ for April, 1813, vol. 83, p. 357, and were
reprinted in the second edition of _Poems, etc. _, 1813, pp. 162, 163.
The lines in italics, which precede each stanza, are taken from the last
stanza of Lord Thurlow's poem. ]



TO LORD THURLOW. [32]

1.

"_I lay my branch of laurel down_. "

"_THOU_ lay thy branch of _laurel_ down! "
Why, what thou'st stole is not enow;
And, were it lawfully thine own,
Does Rogers want it most, or thou?
Keep to thyself thy withered bough,
Or send it back to Doctor Donne:[33]
Were justice done to both, I trow,
He'd have but little, and thou--none.

2.

"_Then, thus, to form Apollo's crown_. "

A crown! why, twist it how you will,
Thy chaplet must be foolscap still.
When next you visit Delphi's town,
Enquire amongst your fellow-lodgers,
They'll tell you Phoebus gave his crown,
Some years before your birth, to Rogers.

3.

"_Let every other bring his own_. "

When coals to Newcastle are carried,
And owls sent to Athens, as wonders,
From his spouse when the Regent's unmarried,
Or Liverpool weeps o'er his blunders;
When Tories and Whigs cease to quarrel,
When Castlereagh's wife has an heir,
Then Rogers shall ask us for laurel,
And thou shalt have plenty to spare.

[First published, _Letters and Journals_, 1830, i. 397. ]

FOOTNOTES:

[32] ["On the same day I received from him the following additional
scraps ['To Lord Thurlow']. The lines in Italics are from the eulogy
that provoked his waggish comments. "--_Life_, p. 181. The last stanza of
Thurlow's poem supplied the text--

"Then, thus, to form Apollo's crown,
(Let ev'ry other bring his own,)
I lay my branch of laurel down. "]

[33] [Lord Thurlow affected an archaic style in his Sonnets and other
verses. In the Preface to the second edition of _Poems, etc. _, he
writes, "I think that our Poetry has been continually declining since
the days of Milton and Cowley . . . and that the golden age of our
language is in the reign of Queen Elizabeth. "]



THE DEVIL'S DRIVE. [ii][34]

1.

THE Devil returned to Hell by two,
And he stayed at home till five;
When he dined on some homicides done in _ragout_,
And a rebel or so in an _Irish_ stew,
And sausages made of a self-slain Jew,
And bethought himself what next to do,
"And," quoth he, "I'll take a drive.
I walked in the morning, I'll ride to-night;
In darkness my children take most delight,
And I'll see how my favourites thrive. 10

2.

"And what shall I ride in? " quoth Lucifer, then--
"If I followed my taste, indeed,
I should mount in a waggon of wounded men,
And smile to see them bleed.
But these will be furnished again and again,
And at present my purpose is speed;
To see my manor as much as I may,
And watch that no souls shall be poached away.

3.

"I have a state-coach at Carlton House,
A chariot in Seymour-place;[35] 20
But they're lent to two friends, who make me amends
By driving my favourite pace:
And they handle their reins with such a grace,
I have something for both at the end of the race.

4.

"So now for the earth to take my chance,"
Then up to the earth sprung he;
And making a jump from Moscow to France,
He stepped across the sea,
And rested his hoof on a turnpike road,
No very great way from a Bishop's abode. [36] 30

5.

But first as he flew, I forgot to say,
That he hovered a moment upon his way,
To look upon Leipsic plain;
And so sweet to his eye was its sulphury glare,
And so soft to his ear was the cry of despair,
That he perched on a mountain of slain;
And he gazed with delight from its growing height,
Nor often on earth had he seen such a sight,
Nor his work done half as well:
For the field ran so red with the blood of the dead, 40
That it blushed like the waves of Hell!
Then loudly, and wildly, and long laughed he:
"Methinks they have little need here of _me_! "

6.

Long he looked down on the hosts of each clime,
While the warriors hand to hand were--
Gaul--Austrian and Muscovite heroes sublime,
And--(Muse of Fitzgerald arise with a rhyme! )
A quantity of _Landwehr_! [37]
Gladness was there,
For the men of all might and the monarchs of earth, 50
There met for the wolf and the worm to make mirth,
And a feast for the fowls of the Air!

7.

But he turned aside and looked from the ridge
Of hills along the river,
And the best thing he saw was a broken bridge,[38]
Which a Corporal chose to shiver;
Though an Emperor's taste was displeased with his haste,
The Devil he thought it clever;
And he laughed again in a lighter strain,
O'er the torrent swoln and rainy, 60
When he saw "on a fiery steed" Prince Pon,
In taking care of Number _One_--
Get drowned with a great _many_!

8.

But the softest note that soothed his ear
Was the sound of a widow sighing;
And the sweetest sight was the icy tear,
Which Horror froze in the blue eye clear
Of a maid by her lover lying--
As round her fell her long fair hair,
And she looked to Heaven with that frenzied air 70
Which seemed to ask if a God were there!
And stretched by the wall of a ruined hut,
With its hollow cheek, and eyes half shut,
A child of Famine dying:
And the carnage _begun_, when _resistance_ is done,
And the fall of the vainly flying!

9.

Then he gazed on a town by besiegers taken,
Nor cared he who were winning;
But he saw an old maid, for years forsaken,
Get up and leave her spinning; 80
And she looked in her glass, and to one that did pass,
She said--"pray are the rapes beginning? "[39]

10.

But the Devil has reached our cliffs so white,
And what did he there, I pray?
If his eyes were good, he but saw by night
What we see every day;
But he made a tour and kept a journal
Of all the wondrous sights nocturnal,
And he sold it in shares to the _Men_ of the _Row_,
Who bid pretty well--but they _cheated_ him, though! 90

11.

The Devil first saw, as he thought, the _Mail_,
Its coachman and his coat;
So instead of a pistol he cocked his tail,
And seized him by the throat;
"Aha! " quoth he, "what have we here?
'T is a new barouche, and an ancient peer! "[40]

12.

So he sat him on his box again,
And bade him have no fear,
But be true to his club, and staunch to his rein,
His brothel and his beer; 100
"Next to seeing a Lord at the Council board,
I would rather see him here. "

13.

Satan hired a horse and gig
With promises to pay;
And he pawned his horns for a spruce new wig,
To redeem as he came away:
And he whistled some tune, a waltz or a jig,
And drove off at the close of day.

14.

The first place he stopped at--he heard the Psalm
That rung from a Methodist Chapel: 110
"'T is the best sound I've heard," quoth he, "since my palm
Presented Eve her apple!
When _Faith_ is all, 't is an excellent sign,
That the _Works_ and Workmen both are mine. "

15.

He passed Tommy Tyrwhitt,[41] that standing jest,
To princely wit a Martyr:
But the last joke of all was by far the best,
When he sailed away with "the Garter"!
"And"--quoth Satan--"this Embassy's worthy my sight,
Should I see nothing else to amuse me to night. 120
With no one to bear it, but Thomas a Tyrwhitt,
This ribband belongs to an 'Order of Merit'! "

16.

He stopped at an Inn and stepped within
The Bar and read the "Times;"
And never such a treat, as--the epistle of one "Vetus,"[42]
Had he found save in downright crimes:
"Though I doubt if this drivelling encomiast of War
Ever saw a field fought, or felt a scar,
Yet his fame shall go farther than he can guess,
For I'll keep him a place in my _hottest Press_; 130
And his works shall be bound in Morocco _d'Enfer_,
And lettered behind with his _Nom de Guerre_. "

17.

The Devil gat next to Westminster,
And he turned to "the room" of the Commons;
But he heard as he purposed to enter in there,
That "the Lords" had received a summons;
And he thought, as "a _quondam_ Aristocrat,"
He might peep at the Peers, though to _hear_ them were flat;
And he walked up the House so like one of his own,
That they say that he stood pretty near the throne. 140

18.

He saw the Lord Liverpool seemingly wise,
The Lord Westmoreland certainly silly,
And Jockey of Norfolk--a man of some size--
And Chatham, so like his friend Billy;[43]
And he saw the tears in Lord Eldon's eyes,
Because the Catholics would _not_ rise,
In spite of his prayers and his prophecies;
And he heard--which set Satan himself a staring--
A certain Chief Justice say something like _swearing_. [44]
And the Devil was shocked--and quoth he, "I must go, 150
For I find we have much better manners below.
If thus he harangues when he passes my border,
I shall hint to friend Moloch to call him to order. "

19.

Then the Devil went down to the humbler House,
Where he readily found his way
As natural to him as its hole to a Mouse,
He had been there many a day;
And many a vote and soul and job he
Had bid for and carried away from the Lobby:
But there now was a "call" and accomplished debaters 160
Appeared in the glory of hats, boots and gaiters--
_Some_ paid rather more--but _all_ worse dressed
than Waiters!

20.

There was Canning for War, and Whitbread for peace,
And others as suited their fancies;
But all were agreed that our debts should increase
Excepting the Demagogue Francis.
That rogue! how could Westminster chuse him again
To leaven the virtue of these honest men!
But the Devil remained till the Break of Day
Blushed upon Sleep and Lord Castlereagh:[45] 170
Then up half the house got, and Satan got up
With the drowsy to snore--or the hungry to sup:--
But so torpid the power of some speakers, 't is said,
That they sent even him to his brimstone bed.

21.

He had seen George Rose--but George was grown dumb,
And only lied in thought! [46]
And the Devil has all the pleasure to come
Of hearing him talk as he ought.
With the falsest of tongues, the sincerest of men--
His veracity were but deceit-- 180
And Nature must first have unmade him again,
Ere his breast or his face, or his tongue, or his pen,
Conceived--uttered--looked--or wrote down letters ten,
Which Truth would acknowledge complete.

22.

Satan next took the army list in hand,
Where he found a new "Field Marshal;"
And when he saw this high command
Conferred on his Highness of Cumberland,[47]
"Oh! were I prone to cavil--or were I not the Devil,
I should say this was somewhat partial; 190
Since the only wounds that this Warrior gat,
Were from God knows whom--and the Devil knows what! "

23.

He then popped his head in a royal Ball,
And saw all the Haram so hoary;
And who there besides but Corinna de Stael! [48]
Turned Methodist and Tory!
"Aye--Aye"--quoth he--"'t is the way with them all,
When Wits grow tired of Glory:
But thanks to the weakness, that thus could pervert her,
Since the dearest of prizes to me's a deserter: 200
_Mem_--whenever a sudden conversion I want,
To send to the school of Philosopher Kant;
And whenever I need a critic who can gloss over
All faults--to send for Mackintosh to write up the Philosopher. "[49]

24.

The Devil waxed faint at the sight of this Saint,
And he thought himself of eating;
And began to cram from a plate of ham
Wherewith a Page was retreating--
Having nothing else to do (for "the friends" each so near
Had sold all their souls long before), 210
As he swallowed down the bacon he wished himself a Jew
For the sake of another crime more:
For Sinning itself is but half a recreation,
Unless it ensures most infallible Damnation.

25.

But he turned him about, for he heard a sound
Which even his ear found faults in;
For whirling above--underneath--and around--
Were his fairest Disciples Waltzing! [50]
And quoth he--"though this be--the _premier pas_ to me,
Against it I would warn all-- 220
Should I introduce these revels among my younger devils,
They would all turn perfectly carnal:
And though fond of the flesh--yet I never could bear it
Should quite in my kingdom get the upper hand of Spirit. "

26.

The Devil (but 't was over) had been vastly glad
To see the new Drury Lane,
And yet he might have been rather mad
To see it rebuilt in vain;
And had he beheld their "Nourjahad,"[51]
Would never have gone again: 230
And Satan had taken it much amiss,
They should fasten such a piece on a friend of his--
Though he knew that his works were somewhat sad,
He never had found them _quite_ so bad:
For this was "the book" which, of yore, Job, sorely smitten,
Said, "Oh that _mine_ enemy, _mine_ enemy had written"!

27.

Then he found sixty scribblers in separate cells,[52]
And marvelled what they were doing,
For they looked like little fiends in their own little hells,
Damnation for others brewing-- 240
Though their paper seemed to shrink, from the heat of their ink,
They were only _coolly_ reviewing!
And as one of them wrote down the pronoun "_We_,"
"That Plural"--says Satan--"means _him_ and _me_,
With the Editor added to make up the three
Of an Athanasian Trinity,
And render the believers in our 'Articles' sensible,
How many must combine to form _one_ Incomprehensible"!

_December_ 9, 1813.
[Stanzas 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 10, 11, 12, 17, 18, first published,
_Letters and Journals_, 1830, i. 471-474: stanzas 6, 7,
9, 13, 14, 15, 16, 19-27, now published for the first time from
an autograph MS. in the possession of the Earl of Ilchester. ]

FOOTNOTES:

[ii] The Devil's Drive. _A Sequel to Porson's_ Devil's Walk.