" And she
remembered
with disgust
what she called that love.
what she called that love.
Warner - World's Best Literature - v21 to v25 - Rab to Tur
Then he suddenly smiled with
joy; and with his eyes still half closed in sleep, he threw himself,
not back upon his pillow, but into his mother's arms.
"Serozha, my dear little boy! " she stammered, choking with
tears, and throwing her arms around his little body.
"Mamma! " he whispered, cuddling into his mother's arms, so
as to feel their encircling pressure. Smiling sleepily, he took his
hand from the head of the bed and put it on his mother's shoul-
der, and climbed into her lap,- having that warm breath of sleep
peculiar to children, and pressed his face to his mother's neck
and shoulders.
―――――――
"I knew," he said, opening his eyes: "to-day is my birthday;
I knew that you would come. I am going to get up now. "
And as he spoke he fell asleep again. Anna devoured him
with her eyes. She saw how he had changed during her absence.
She would scarcely have known his long legs coming below his
nightgown, his hollow cheeks, his short hair curled in the neck
## p. 15005 (#589) ##########################################
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where she had so often kissed it. She pressed him to her heart,
and the tears prevented her from speaking.
"What are you crying for, mamma? " he asked, now entirely
awake. "What makes you cry? " he repeated, ready to weep
himself.
"I? I will not cry any more; it is for joy. It is all over
now," said she, drying her tears and turning around. "Nu! go
and get dressed," she added, after she had grown a little calmer,
but still holding Serozha's hand. She sat down near the bed,
on a chair which held the child's clothing. "How do you dress
without me? How she wanted to speak simply and gayly,
but she could not; and again she turned her head away.
"I don't wash in cold water any more,
papa has forbidden
it; but you have not seen Vasíli Lukitch? Here he comes. But
you are sitting on my things. " And Serozha laughed heartily.
She looked at him and smiled.
"Mamma! dúshenka, golúbtchika! " [dear little soul, darling]
he cried again, throwing himself into her arms, as though he
now better understood what had happened to him, as he saw her
smile.
--
――――
-
"Take it off," said he, pulling off her hat. And seeing her
head bare, he began to kiss her again.
«< What did you think of me? Did you believe that I was
dead? "
"I never believed it. "
"You believed me alive, my precious? "
"I knew it! I knew it! " he replied, repeating his favorite
phrase; and seizing the hand which was smoothing his hair, he
pressed the palm of it to his little mouth, and began to kiss it.
Vasíli Lukitch, meantime, not at first knowing who this lady
was, but learning from their conversation that it was Serozha's
mother, the woman who had deserted her husband, and whom
he did not know, as he had not come into the house till after
her departure,- was in great perplexity.
was in great perplexity. Ought he to tell Al-
ekséi Aleksandrovitch? On mature reflection he came to the
conclusion that his duty consisted in going to dress Serozha at
the usual hour, without paying any attention to a third person-
his mother or any one else. But as he reached the door and
opened it, the sight of the caresses between the mother and child
the sound of their voices and their words- made him change
his mind. He shook his head, sighed, and quietly closed the
-
## p. 15006 (#590) ##########################################
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LYOF TOLSTOY
door. "I will wait ten minutes longer," he said to himself,
coughing slightly, and wiping his eyes.
There was great excitement among the servants: they all
knew that the baruina had come, and that Kapitonuitch had let
her in, and that she was in the child's room; they knew too that
their master was in the habit of going to Serozha every morning
at nine o'clock: each one felt that the husband and wife ought
not to meet, that it must be prevented.
Kornéi, the valet, went down to the Swiss to ask why Anna
had been let in; and finding that Kapitonuitch had taken her
up-stairs, he reprimanded him severely. The Swiss maintained an
obstinate silence till the valet declared that he deserved to lose
his place, when the old man jumped at him, and shaking his fist
in his face, said:-
_______
"Da! Vot, you would not have let her in yourself? You've
served here ten years, and had nothing but kindness from her,
but you would have said, 'Now go away from here! ' You know
what policy is, you sly dog. What you don't forget is to rob
your master, and to carry off his raccoon-skin shubas! »
"Soldier! " replied Kornéi scornfully, and he turned towards
the nurse, who was coming in just at this moment. "What do
you think, Marya Yefimovna? He has let in Anna Arkadyevna,
without saying anything to anybody, and just when Aleksei Al-
eksandrovitch, as soon as he is up, will be going to the nursery. "
"What a scrape! what a scrape! " said the nurse. "But, Kor-
néi Vasilyevitch, find some way to keep your master, while I run
to warn her and get her out of the way. What a scrape! "
When the nurse went into the child's room, Serozha was
telling his mother how Nádenka and he had fallen when sliding
down a hill of ice, and turned three somersaults. Anna was
listening to the sound of her son's voice, looking at his face,
watching the play of his features, feeling his little arms, but not
hearing a word that he said. She must go away, she must leave
him: this alone she understood and felt. She had heard Vasíli
Lukitch's steps, and his little discreet cough, as he came to the
door- and now she heard the nurse coming in; but unable to
move or to speak, she remained as fixed as a statue.
"Baruina! Golúbtchika! " [mistress, darling] said the nurse,
coming up to Anna, and kissing her hands and her shoulders.
"God sent this joy for our birthday celebration! You are not
changed at all. "
T
[
## p. 15007 (#591) ##########################################
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"Ach! nyanya [nurse], my dear: I did not know that you
were in the house," said Anna, coming to herself.
"I don't live here; I live with my daughter. I came to give
my best wishes to Serozha, Anna Arkadyevna, golúbtchika. "
The nurse suddenly began to weep, and to kiss Anna's hand.
Serozha, with bright, joyful eyes, and holding his mother with
one hand and his nurse with the other, was dancing in his little
bare feet on the carpet. His old nurse's tenderness towards his
mother was delightful to him.
"Mamma, she often comes to see me; and when she comes
he began, but he stopped short when he perceived that the nurse
whispered something in his mother's ear, and that his mother's
face assumed an expression of fear, and at the same time of
shame.
-
>>>
Anna went to him.
"My precious! " she said.
She could not say the word "farewell" [proshcháï]; but the
expression of her face said it, and he understood.
"My precious, precious Kutik! " she said, calling him by a
pet name which she used when he was a baby. You will not
forget me; you. » but she could not say another word.
«<
Only then she began to remember the words which she
wanted to say to him; but now it was impossible to say them.
Serozha, however, understood all that she would have said: he
understood that she was unhappy, and that she loved him. He
even understood what the nurse whispered in her ear: he heard
the words "always at nine o'clock"; and he knew that they
referred to his father, and that his mother must not meet him.
He understood this, but one thing he could not understand:
why did her face express fear and shame ?
She was
not to blame, but she was afraid of him, and seemed ashamed
of something. He wanted to ask a question which would have
explained this circumstance, but he did not dare: he saw that she
was in sorrow, and he pitied her. He silently clung close to
her, and then he whispered, "Don't go yet! He will not come yet
awhile. "
·
His mother pushed him away from her a little, in order to
see if he understood the meaning of what he had said; and in
the frightened expression of his face she perceived that he not
only spoke of his father, but seemed to ask her how he ought
to think about him.
## p. 15008 (#592) ##########################################
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him: he is better than
When you have grown
"Serozha, my dear," she said, "love
I am; and I have been wicked to him.
up, you will understand. "
"No one is better than you," cried the child, with sobs of
despair; and clinging to his mother's shoulders, he squeezed her
with all the force of his little trembling arms.
"Dúshenka, my darling! " stammered Anna; and bursting into
tears, she sobbed like a child, even as he sobbed.
At this moment the door opened, and Vasíli Lukitch came
in. Steps were heard at the other door; and in a frightened
whisper he exclaimed, "He is coming," and gave Anna her hat.
Serozha threw himself on the bed, sobbing, and covered his
face with his hands. Anna took them away to kiss yet once
again his tear-stained cheeks; and then with quick steps hurried
from the room. Aleksei Aleksandrovitch met her at the door.
When he saw her he stopped and bowed his head.
Though she had declared a moment before that he was better
than she, the swift glance that she gave him-taking in his
whole person-awoke in her only a feeling of hatred and scorn
for him, and jealousy on account of her son. She hurriedly
lowered her veil, and quickening her step, almost ran from the
room. She had entirely forgotten in her haste the playthings
which, on the evening before, she had bought with so much love
and sadness; and she took them back with her to the hotel.
ANNA KILLS HERSELF
From Anna Karénina: translated by Nathan Haskell Dole. Copyrighted
1886, by T. Y. Crowell & Co.
"Not
ow I am myself again,-now my mind is clear," said Anna
to herself, as soon as the carriage started, and rolling a
little, flew swiftly along the uneven pavement.
"Da! what was that good thing that I was thinking about
last? Tiutkin the coiffeur? Oh no! not that. Oh yes! what
Yashvin said about the struggle for existence- and hatred, the
only thing that unites men. No: we go at hap-hazard. "
She saw in a carriage drawn by four horses a party of merry-
makers, who had evidently come to the city for a pleasure trip.
"What are you seeking under the disguise of pleasure? " she
thought. "You won't escape from yourselves;" and then, as her
## p. 15009 (#593) ##########################################
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·
15009
eye fell on a drunken workman led by a policeman, she added,
"That man's way is quicker. Count Vronsky and I did not
reach this pleasure, though we expected much. "
And for the first time, Anna turned upon her relations with
the count this bright light which was suddenly revealing her life
to her.
"What did he seek in me? A satisfaction for his vanity,
rather than for his love! "
And she remembered Vronsky's words, and the expression of
his face, which reminded her of a submissive dog, when they
first met and loved. Everything seemed a confirmation of this
thought.
"Da! he cared for the triumph of success above everything.
Of course he loved me, but chiefly from vanity. Now that he is
not proud of me any more, it is over. He is ashamed of me.
He has taken from me all that he could take, and now I am
of no use to him. I weigh upon him, and he does not want to
be in dishonorable relationship with me. He said yesterday he
wanted the divorce, so as to burn his ships. Perhaps he loves
me still-but how? The zest is gone," she said, in English, as
she looked at a ruddy-faced man riding by on a hired horse.
"Da! there is nothing about me any longer to his taste. If I
leave him, he will rejoice in the bottom of his heart. "
This was not mere hypothesis: she saw things now clearly, as
by a sort of clairvoyance.
"My love has been growing more and more selfish and pas-
sionate; his has been growing fainter and fainter. That is why
we cannot go on together. He is all in all to me. I struggle
to draw him closer and closer to me, and he wants to fly from
me. Up to the time of our union, we flew to meet each other;
but now we move apart. He accuses me of being absurdly jeal-
- and I am; and yet I am not, either. I am not jealous, but
my love is no longer satisfied. But-" she opened her mouth
to speak, and in the excitement caused by the stress of her
thoughts, she changed her place in the carriage.
ous
―――――
"If I could, I would try to be a simple friend to him, and
not a passionate mistress, whom his coldness frenzies; but I can-
not transform myself. I am not mistaken. Don't I know that
he would not deceive me,- that he is no longer in love with
Kitty, that he has no intention of marrying the Princess Soro-
kina? I know it well, but it is none the easier for me. But
XXV-939
-
## p. 15010 (#594) ##########################################
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LYOF TOLSTOY
what is that to me? If he is tired of my love,- if, when he
does not feel for me just what I feel for him, I would a thou-
sand times rather have him hate me,- this is- hell! And this
is the case. He has long ceased to love me. When love ceases,
disgust begins. -I don't know these streets at all. What hosts
of houses! and in them, people, people,-no end of them! and
they all hate each other!
"Nu! what could happen to me. now that would give me
happiness again? Suppose that Alekséi Aleksandrovitch should
consent to the divorce, and would give me back Serozha, and
that I should marry Vronsky? " And as she thought of Alekséi
Aleksandrovitch, Anna could see him before her, with his dull,
lifeless, faded eyes, his white, blue-veined hands, and his cracking
joints; and the idea of their relation to one another, which had
hitherto been tinged with tenderness, made her shudder.
"Nu! Suppose I were married, would not Kitty still look
at me as she looked at me to-day? Would not Serozha ask and
wonder why I had two husbands? But between me and Vronsky
what new feeling could I imagine? Is it possible that our rela-
tions might be, if not pleasanter, at least no worse than they
are now? No, and no! " she replied, without the least hesitation.
"Impossible! We are growing apart; and I am disagreeable to
him, and he displeases me, and I cannot change him: every
means has been tried.
son.
"Da! there's a beggar with a child. She thinks she inspires
pity. Were we not thrown into the world to hate each other,
and to torment ourselves and everybody else? Here come the
schoolboys out to play! - Serozha ? " It reminded her of her
"I used to think that I loved him, and I was touched
by his gentleness. I also lived without him, gave him up for
my love, and was not sorry for the change, since I was contented
with him whom I loved.
" And she remembered with disgust
what she called that love. And the clearness in which she now
saw her own life, as well as the lives of others, delighted her.
"Thus am I, and Piotr, and the coachman Feodor, and that
merchant, and all people from here to the Volga, wherever
these remarks are applicable- and everywhere and always," she
thought, as the carriage stopped in front of the low-roofed sta-
tion of the Nizhni Novgorod Railroad, and the porter came out
to meet her.
"Shall I book you for Obiralovki? " asked Piotr.
## p. 15011 (#595) ##########################################
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15011
She had entirely forgotten why she had come, and only by a
great effort could she understand what he meant.
"Yes," she said, handing him her purse; and taking her little
red bag, she got out of the carriage.
As she entered with the throng, she reviewed all the details
of her situation and the plans between which she was halting.
And again hope and despair alternately filled her tortured, cruelly
palpitating heart. As she sat on the stelliform divan, she looked
with aversion on the people going and coming,-they were all
her enemies, and thought now of how, when she reached the
station, she would write to him, and what she would write, and
then how at this very moment he- not thinking of her suffer-
ing was complaining to his mother of his position, and how
she would go to his room, and what she would say to him. The
thought that she might yet live happily crossed her brain; and
how hard it was to love and hate him at the same time! And
above all, how her heart was beating, as if to burst its bounds!
A bell sounded, and some impudent young men of a flashy
and vulgar appearance passed before her. Then Piotr, in his
livery and top-boots, with his dull, good-natured face, crossed the
waiting-room, and came up to escort her to the cars.
The noisy
men about the door stopped talking while she passed out upon
the platform; then one of them made some remark to his neigh-
bor, which was apparently an insult. Anna mounted the high
steps, and sat down alone in the compartment on the dirty sofa
which had once been white, and laid her bag beside her on
the springy seat. Piotr raised his gold-laced hat, with an inane
smile, for a farewell, and departed. The saucy conductor shut
the door. A woman, deformed, and ridiculously dressed up, fol-
lowed by a little girl laughing affectedly, passed below the car
window. Anna looked at her with disgust. The little girl was
speaking loud in a mixture of Russian and French.
"That child is grotesque and already self-conscious," thought
Anna; and she seated herself at the opposite window of the
empty apartment, to avoid seeing the people.
A dirty, hunchbacked muzhik passed close to the window, and
examined the car wheels; he wore a cap, from beneath which
could be seen tufts of disheveled hair. "There is something
familiar about that humpbacked muzhik," thought Anna; and
suddenly she remembered her nightmare, and drew back fright-
ened towards the car door, which the conductor was just opening
to admit a lady and gentleman.
―
-
## p. 15012 (#596) ##########################################
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15012
"Do you want to get out? "
Anna did not answer; and under her veil no one could see
the terror which paralyzed her. She sat down again. The
couple took seats opposite her, and cast stealthy but curious.
glances at her dress. The husband and wife were obnoxious
to her. The husband asked her if she objected to smoking,-
evidently not for the sake of smoking, but as an excuse for
entering into conversation with her. Having obtained her per-
mission, he remarked to his wife in French that he felt even
more inclined to talk than to smoke. They exchanged stupid
remarks, with the hope of attracting Anna's attention and draw-
ing her into the conversation. Anna clearly saw how they bored
each other, how they hated each other. It was impossible not to
hate such painful monstrosities. The second gong sounded, and
was followed by the rumble of baggage,-noise, shouts, laughter.
Anna saw so clearly that there was nothing to rejoice at, that
this laughter roused her indignation, and she longed to stop her
At last the third signal was given, the train started, the
locomotive whistled, and the gentleman crossed himself. "It
would be interesting to ask him what he meant by that," thought
Anna, looking at him angrily. Then she looked by the woman's
head out of the car window at the people standing and walking
on the platform. The car in which Anna sat moved past the
stone walls of the station, the switches, the other cars. The mo-
tion became more rapid; the rays of the setting sun slanted into
the car window, and a light breeze played through the slats of
the blinds.
ears.
Forgetting her neighbors, Anna breathed in the fresh air, and
took up again the course of her thoughts.
"Da! What was I thinking about? I cannot imagine any
situation in which my life could be anything but one long misery.
We are all dedicated to unhappiness: we all know it, and only
seek for ways to deceive ourselves. But when you see the truth,
what is to be done? "
"Reason was given to man that he might avoid what he dis-
likes," remarked the woman in French, apparently delighted with
her sentence.
The words fitted in with Anna's thought.
"To avoid what he dislikes," she repeated; and a glance
at the handsome-faced man, and his thin better half, showed her
that the woman looked upon herself as a misunderstood creature,
and that her stout husband did not contradict this opinion, but
## p. 15013 (#597) ##########################################
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15013
took advantage of it to deceive her. Anna, as it were, read their
history, and looked into the most secret depths of their hearts;
but it was not interesting, and she went on with her reflections.
"Yes, it is very unpleasant to me, and reason was given
to avoid it; therefore it must be done. Why not extinguish the
light when it shines on things disgusting to see? But how?
Why does the conductor keep hurrying through the car? Why
does he shout? Why are there people in this car? Why do
they speak? What are they laughing at? It is all false, all a
lie, all deception, all vanity and vexation.
>>>>
When the train reached the station, Anna followed the other
passengers, and tried to avoid too rude a contact with the bus-
tling crowd. She hesitated on the platform, trying to recollect
why she had come, and to ask herself what she meant to do.
All that seemed to her possible before to do, now seemed to
her difficult to execute,- especially amid this disagreeable crowd.
Now the porters came to her, and offered her their services;
now some young men, clattering up and down the platform, and
talking loud, observed her curiously: and she knew not where to
take refuge. Finally it occurred to her to stop an official, and
ask him if a coachman had not been there with a letter for
Count Vronsky.
"The Count Vronsky? Just now some one was here.
inquiring for the Princess Sorokina and her daughter.
kind of a looking man is this coachman? "
Just then Anna espied the coachman Mikhaïl, rosy and gay in
his elegant blue livery and watch-chain, coming towards her, and
carrying a note, immensely proud that he had fulfilled his com-
mission.
He was
What
Anna broke the seal, and her heart stood still as she read the
carelessly written lines:-
"I am very sorry that your note did not find me in Moscow.
I shall return at ten o'clock. "
――――
"Yes, that is what I expected," she said to herself with a
sardonic smile.
"Very good: you can go home," she said to Mikhail. She
spoke the words slowly and gently, because her heart beat so
that she could scarcely breathe or speak.
"No, I will not let you make me suffer so," thought she, ad-
dressing with a threat, not Vronsky so much as the thought that
was torturing her; and she moved along the platform. Two
chambermaids waiting there turned to look at her, and made
## p. 15014 (#598) ##########################################
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15014
audible remarks about her toilet. "Just in style," they said,
referring to her lace. The young men would not leave her in
peace. They stared at her, and passed her again and again,—
making their jokes so that she should hear. The station-master
came to her, and asked if she was going to take the train. A
lad selling kvas did not take his eyes from her.
"Bozhe moï! where shall I fly? " she said to herself.
When she reached the end of the platform she stopped. Some
women and children were there, talking with a man in spec-
tacles, who had probably come to the station to meet them.
They too stopped, and turned to see Anna pass by. She hast-
ened her steps.
A truck full of trunks rumbled by, making the
floor shake so that she felt as if she were on a moving train.
Suddenly she remembered the man who was run over on
the day when she met Vronsky for the first time, and she knew
then what was in store for her. With light and swift steps she
descended the stairway which led from the pump at the end of
the platform down to the rails, and stood very near the train,
which was slowly passing by. She looked under the cars,—at
the chains and the brake, and the high iron wheels, and she
tried to estimate with her eye the distance between the fore and
back wheels, and the moment when the middle would be in front
of her.
-
"There," she said, looking at the shadow of the car thrown
upon the black coal-dust which covered the sleepers, "there, in
the centre, he will be punished; and I shall be delivered from it
all- and from myself. "
Her little red traveling-bag caused her to lose the moment
when she could throw herself under the wheels of the first car:
she could not detach it from her arm. She awaited the second.
A feeling like that she had experienced once, just before taking
a dive in the river, came over her, and she made the sign of the
cross. This familiar gesture called back to her soul, memories
of youth and childhood. Life, with its elusive joys, glowed for
an instant before her, but she did not take her eyes from the
car; and when the middle, between the two wheels, appeared, she
threw away her red bag, drawing her head between her shoul-
ders, and with outstretched hands threw herself on her knees
under the car. She had time to feel afraid. "Where am I?
What am I doing? Why? " thought she, trying to draw back;
but a great, inflexible mass struck her head, and threw her upon
her back. "Lord, forgive me all! " she murmured, feeling the
## p. 15015 (#599) ##########################################
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15015
struggle to be in vain. A little muzhik was working on the
railroad, mumbling in his beard. And the candle by which she
read, as in a book, the fulfillment of her life's work,- of its
deceptions, its grief, and its torment,- flared up with greater
brightness than she had ever known, revealing to her all that
before was in darkness; then flickered, grew faint, and went out
forever.
AT BORODINO
Copyright 1886, by William S. Gottsberger. Reprinted
by permission of George G. Peck, publisher
From 'War and Peace.
W
HEN Pierre returned to Gorky after his visit to Prince An-
dré, he desired his servant to have his horses ready sad-
dled, and to wake him at daybreak; then he went soundly
to sleep in the corner that Boris had so obligingly offered him.
When he woke, the cottage was empty, the little panes in the
windows were trembling, and his man was shaking him to rouse
him.
"Excellency, Excellency! " he shouted.
"Why — what is the matter? Is it begun? "
"Listen to the cannonade," said the man, who was
an old
soldier. "They have all been gone a long time; even his High-
ness. "
Pierre hastily dressed and ran out. It was a brilliant, de-
licious morning: dewdrops sparkled everywhere; the sun sent
level rays through the curtain of cloud, and a shaft of light fell
across the roof and through the hanging mist, on the dusty road
just moist with the night-dews-on the walls of the houses, the
rough wood palings, and the horses standing saddled at the door.
The roar of cannon grew louder and louder.
"Make haste, count, if you want to be in time! " shouted an
aide-de-camp as he galloped past.
Pierre started on foot,- his man leading the horses,— and
made his way by the road as far as the knoll from whence he
had surveyed the field the day before. This mamelon was
crowded with military; the staff officers could be heard talking
French; and conspicuous among them all was Koutouzow's gray
head under a white cap bound with red,- his fat neck sunk in
his broad shoulders. He was studying the distance through a
field-glass.
## p. 15016 (#600) ##########################################
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LYOF TOLSTOY
As he climbed the slope, Pierre was struck by the scene that
spread before him. It was the same landscape that he had seen
yesterday, but swarming now with an imposing mass of troops,
wrapped in wreaths of smoke, and lighted up by the low sun,
which was rising on the left and filling the pure upper air with
quivering rose and gold, while on the earth lay long masses of
black shadow. The clumps of trees that bordered the horizon
might have been hewn out of some sparkling yellow-green gem;
and beyond them again, far away, the Smolensk road could be
made out, covered with troops. Close to the knoll the golden
fields and dewy slopes were bathed in shimmering light; and
everywhere to the right and left were soldiers, and still soldiers.
It was animated, grandiose, and unexpected; but what especially
interested Pierre was the actual field of battle,- Borodino and
the valley of the Kolotcha, through which the river ran.
Above the stream, over Borodino, just where the Voïna makes
its way through vast marshes to join the Kolotcha, rose one of
those mists which, melting and dissolving before the sun's rays,
gives an enchanted aspect and color to the landscape it trans-
forms rather than hides.
The morning light glowed in this mist, and in the smoke
which mixed with it here and there; and sparkled on the water,
the dew, the bayonets,- even on Borodino. Through that trans-
parent veil could be seen the white church, the hovel roofs of
the village; and on every side serried masses of soldiers, green
caissons, and guns. From the valley, from the heights and the
slopes, from the woods, from the fields, came cannon shots, now
singly, now in volleys; followed by puffs of smoke which wreathed,
mingled, and faded away. And strange as it may appear, this
smoke and cannonade were the most attractive features of the
spectacle. Pierre was chafing to be there among the smoke and
the sparkling bayonets, in the midst of the movement, close to
the guns.
He turned to compare his own feelings with those which
Koutouzow and his staff might be expected to feel at such a
moment, and found on every face that suppressed excitement
which he had noticed before; but which he had not understood
until after his conversation with Prince André.
"Go, my friend, go," said Koutouzow to a general standing
near him, "and God go with you. " And the general who had
taken the order went past Pierre down the hill.
## p. 15017 (#601) ##########################################
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"To the bridge! " he answered in reply to a question from
another officer.
"And I too," thought Pierre, following him. The general
mounted his horse, which a Cossack was holding; and Pierre,
going up to his servant, asked which of his two steeds was the
quietest to ride. Then clutching the beast's mane, leaning over
his neck and clinging on by his heels, off he started. He felt
that his spectacles were gone; however, as he would not, and
indeed could not, let go of the bridle or the mane, away he went
after the general, past the rest of the officers, who gazed at his
headlong career.
The general led the way down the hill, and turned off sharp
to the left; Pierre lost sight of him, and found himself riding
through the ranks of an infantry regiment; he tried in vain to
get out of the midst of the men, who surrounded him on all
sides, and looked with angry surprise at this fat man in a white
hat, who was knocking them about so heedlessly and at such a
critical moment.
"Why the devil do you ride through a battalion? " asked
one; and another gave the horse a prod with the butt-end of his
musket. Pierre, clutching the saddle-bow, and holding in his
frightened steed as best he might, was carried on at a furious.
speed, and presently found himself in an open space. In front
of him was a bridge guarded by infantry firing briskly; without
knowing it he had come down to the bridge between Gorky and
Borodino, which the French, after taking the village, had come
down to attack. On both sides of the river, and in the hay-
fields he had seen from afar, soldiers were struggling frantically;
still Pierre could not believe that he was witnessing the first act
of a battle. He did not hear the bullets that were whistling
about his ears, nor the balls that flew over his head; and it did
not occur to him that the men on the other side of the river
were the enemy, or that those who lay on the ground were
wounded or killed.
"What on earth is he doing in front of the line? " shouted a
voice. "Left! left! turn to the left! "
Pierre turned to the right, and ran up against an aide-de-
camp of General Raïevsky's; the officer looked furious, and was
about to abuse him roundly, when he recognized him.
"What brings you here? " said he, and he rode away.
Pierre, with a vague suspicion that he was not wanted there,
and fearing he might be in the way, galloped after him.
## p. 15018 (#602) ##########################################
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LYOF TOLSTOY
"Is it here? May I follow you? " he asked.
"In a minute-wait a minute," said his friend, tearing down
into the meadow to meet a burly colonel to whom he was carry.
ing orders. Then he came back to Pierre.
"Tell me what on earth you have come here for? -to look
on, I suppose ? "
"Just so," said Pierre; while the officer wheeled his horse
round and was starting off again.
"Here it is not such warm work yet, thank God! but there,
where Bagration is to the left, they are getting it hot! "
"Really! " said Pierre. "Where ? »
"Come up the hill with me: you will see very well from
thence, and it is still bearable. Are you coming? "
"After you," said Pierre, looking round for his servant: then
for the first time his eye fell on the wounded men who were
dragging themselves to the rear, or being carried on litters; one
poor little soldier, with his hat lying by his side, was stretched
motionless on the field where the mown hay exhaled its stupefy-
ing scent.
"Why have they left that poor fellow? " Pierre was on the
point of saying; but the aide-de-camp's look of pain as he turned
away stopped the question on his lips. As he could nowhere
see his servant, he rode on across the flat as far as Raïevsky's
battery; but his horse could not keep up with the officer's, and
shook him desperately.
"You are not used to riding, I see," said the aide-de-camp.
"Oh, it is nothing," said Pierre: "his pace is bad. "
"The poor beast has had his off leg wounded just above the
knee; a bullet must have caught him there. Well, I congratulate
you, count, it is your baptism of fire. "
___
After passing the sixth corps they got, through dense smoke,
to the rear of the artillery, which held an advanced position, and
kept up an incessant and deafening fire. At last they found
themselves in a little copse where the mild autumn air was clear
of smoke. They dismounted and climbed the little hill.
joy; and with his eyes still half closed in sleep, he threw himself,
not back upon his pillow, but into his mother's arms.
"Serozha, my dear little boy! " she stammered, choking with
tears, and throwing her arms around his little body.
"Mamma! " he whispered, cuddling into his mother's arms, so
as to feel their encircling pressure. Smiling sleepily, he took his
hand from the head of the bed and put it on his mother's shoul-
der, and climbed into her lap,- having that warm breath of sleep
peculiar to children, and pressed his face to his mother's neck
and shoulders.
―――――――
"I knew," he said, opening his eyes: "to-day is my birthday;
I knew that you would come. I am going to get up now. "
And as he spoke he fell asleep again. Anna devoured him
with her eyes. She saw how he had changed during her absence.
She would scarcely have known his long legs coming below his
nightgown, his hollow cheeks, his short hair curled in the neck
## p. 15005 (#589) ##########################################
LYOF TOLSTOY
15005
where she had so often kissed it. She pressed him to her heart,
and the tears prevented her from speaking.
"What are you crying for, mamma? " he asked, now entirely
awake. "What makes you cry? " he repeated, ready to weep
himself.
"I? I will not cry any more; it is for joy. It is all over
now," said she, drying her tears and turning around. "Nu! go
and get dressed," she added, after she had grown a little calmer,
but still holding Serozha's hand. She sat down near the bed,
on a chair which held the child's clothing. "How do you dress
without me? How she wanted to speak simply and gayly,
but she could not; and again she turned her head away.
"I don't wash in cold water any more,
papa has forbidden
it; but you have not seen Vasíli Lukitch? Here he comes. But
you are sitting on my things. " And Serozha laughed heartily.
She looked at him and smiled.
"Mamma! dúshenka, golúbtchika! " [dear little soul, darling]
he cried again, throwing himself into her arms, as though he
now better understood what had happened to him, as he saw her
smile.
--
――――
-
"Take it off," said he, pulling off her hat. And seeing her
head bare, he began to kiss her again.
«< What did you think of me? Did you believe that I was
dead? "
"I never believed it. "
"You believed me alive, my precious? "
"I knew it! I knew it! " he replied, repeating his favorite
phrase; and seizing the hand which was smoothing his hair, he
pressed the palm of it to his little mouth, and began to kiss it.
Vasíli Lukitch, meantime, not at first knowing who this lady
was, but learning from their conversation that it was Serozha's
mother, the woman who had deserted her husband, and whom
he did not know, as he had not come into the house till after
her departure,- was in great perplexity.
was in great perplexity. Ought he to tell Al-
ekséi Aleksandrovitch? On mature reflection he came to the
conclusion that his duty consisted in going to dress Serozha at
the usual hour, without paying any attention to a third person-
his mother or any one else. But as he reached the door and
opened it, the sight of the caresses between the mother and child
the sound of their voices and their words- made him change
his mind. He shook his head, sighed, and quietly closed the
-
## p. 15006 (#590) ##########################################
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LYOF TOLSTOY
door. "I will wait ten minutes longer," he said to himself,
coughing slightly, and wiping his eyes.
There was great excitement among the servants: they all
knew that the baruina had come, and that Kapitonuitch had let
her in, and that she was in the child's room; they knew too that
their master was in the habit of going to Serozha every morning
at nine o'clock: each one felt that the husband and wife ought
not to meet, that it must be prevented.
Kornéi, the valet, went down to the Swiss to ask why Anna
had been let in; and finding that Kapitonuitch had taken her
up-stairs, he reprimanded him severely. The Swiss maintained an
obstinate silence till the valet declared that he deserved to lose
his place, when the old man jumped at him, and shaking his fist
in his face, said:-
_______
"Da! Vot, you would not have let her in yourself? You've
served here ten years, and had nothing but kindness from her,
but you would have said, 'Now go away from here! ' You know
what policy is, you sly dog. What you don't forget is to rob
your master, and to carry off his raccoon-skin shubas! »
"Soldier! " replied Kornéi scornfully, and he turned towards
the nurse, who was coming in just at this moment. "What do
you think, Marya Yefimovna? He has let in Anna Arkadyevna,
without saying anything to anybody, and just when Aleksei Al-
eksandrovitch, as soon as he is up, will be going to the nursery. "
"What a scrape! what a scrape! " said the nurse. "But, Kor-
néi Vasilyevitch, find some way to keep your master, while I run
to warn her and get her out of the way. What a scrape! "
When the nurse went into the child's room, Serozha was
telling his mother how Nádenka and he had fallen when sliding
down a hill of ice, and turned three somersaults. Anna was
listening to the sound of her son's voice, looking at his face,
watching the play of his features, feeling his little arms, but not
hearing a word that he said. She must go away, she must leave
him: this alone she understood and felt. She had heard Vasíli
Lukitch's steps, and his little discreet cough, as he came to the
door- and now she heard the nurse coming in; but unable to
move or to speak, she remained as fixed as a statue.
"Baruina! Golúbtchika! " [mistress, darling] said the nurse,
coming up to Anna, and kissing her hands and her shoulders.
"God sent this joy for our birthday celebration! You are not
changed at all. "
T
[
## p. 15007 (#591) ##########################################
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15007
"Ach! nyanya [nurse], my dear: I did not know that you
were in the house," said Anna, coming to herself.
"I don't live here; I live with my daughter. I came to give
my best wishes to Serozha, Anna Arkadyevna, golúbtchika. "
The nurse suddenly began to weep, and to kiss Anna's hand.
Serozha, with bright, joyful eyes, and holding his mother with
one hand and his nurse with the other, was dancing in his little
bare feet on the carpet. His old nurse's tenderness towards his
mother was delightful to him.
"Mamma, she often comes to see me; and when she comes
he began, but he stopped short when he perceived that the nurse
whispered something in his mother's ear, and that his mother's
face assumed an expression of fear, and at the same time of
shame.
-
>>>
Anna went to him.
"My precious! " she said.
She could not say the word "farewell" [proshcháï]; but the
expression of her face said it, and he understood.
"My precious, precious Kutik! " she said, calling him by a
pet name which she used when he was a baby. You will not
forget me; you. » but she could not say another word.
«<
Only then she began to remember the words which she
wanted to say to him; but now it was impossible to say them.
Serozha, however, understood all that she would have said: he
understood that she was unhappy, and that she loved him. He
even understood what the nurse whispered in her ear: he heard
the words "always at nine o'clock"; and he knew that they
referred to his father, and that his mother must not meet him.
He understood this, but one thing he could not understand:
why did her face express fear and shame ?
She was
not to blame, but she was afraid of him, and seemed ashamed
of something. He wanted to ask a question which would have
explained this circumstance, but he did not dare: he saw that she
was in sorrow, and he pitied her. He silently clung close to
her, and then he whispered, "Don't go yet! He will not come yet
awhile. "
·
His mother pushed him away from her a little, in order to
see if he understood the meaning of what he had said; and in
the frightened expression of his face she perceived that he not
only spoke of his father, but seemed to ask her how he ought
to think about him.
## p. 15008 (#592) ##########################################
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LYOF TOLSTOY
him: he is better than
When you have grown
"Serozha, my dear," she said, "love
I am; and I have been wicked to him.
up, you will understand. "
"No one is better than you," cried the child, with sobs of
despair; and clinging to his mother's shoulders, he squeezed her
with all the force of his little trembling arms.
"Dúshenka, my darling! " stammered Anna; and bursting into
tears, she sobbed like a child, even as he sobbed.
At this moment the door opened, and Vasíli Lukitch came
in. Steps were heard at the other door; and in a frightened
whisper he exclaimed, "He is coming," and gave Anna her hat.
Serozha threw himself on the bed, sobbing, and covered his
face with his hands. Anna took them away to kiss yet once
again his tear-stained cheeks; and then with quick steps hurried
from the room. Aleksei Aleksandrovitch met her at the door.
When he saw her he stopped and bowed his head.
Though she had declared a moment before that he was better
than she, the swift glance that she gave him-taking in his
whole person-awoke in her only a feeling of hatred and scorn
for him, and jealousy on account of her son. She hurriedly
lowered her veil, and quickening her step, almost ran from the
room. She had entirely forgotten in her haste the playthings
which, on the evening before, she had bought with so much love
and sadness; and she took them back with her to the hotel.
ANNA KILLS HERSELF
From Anna Karénina: translated by Nathan Haskell Dole. Copyrighted
1886, by T. Y. Crowell & Co.
"Not
ow I am myself again,-now my mind is clear," said Anna
to herself, as soon as the carriage started, and rolling a
little, flew swiftly along the uneven pavement.
"Da! what was that good thing that I was thinking about
last? Tiutkin the coiffeur? Oh no! not that. Oh yes! what
Yashvin said about the struggle for existence- and hatred, the
only thing that unites men. No: we go at hap-hazard. "
She saw in a carriage drawn by four horses a party of merry-
makers, who had evidently come to the city for a pleasure trip.
"What are you seeking under the disguise of pleasure? " she
thought. "You won't escape from yourselves;" and then, as her
## p. 15009 (#593) ##########################################
LYOF TOLSTOY
·
15009
eye fell on a drunken workman led by a policeman, she added,
"That man's way is quicker. Count Vronsky and I did not
reach this pleasure, though we expected much. "
And for the first time, Anna turned upon her relations with
the count this bright light which was suddenly revealing her life
to her.
"What did he seek in me? A satisfaction for his vanity,
rather than for his love! "
And she remembered Vronsky's words, and the expression of
his face, which reminded her of a submissive dog, when they
first met and loved. Everything seemed a confirmation of this
thought.
"Da! he cared for the triumph of success above everything.
Of course he loved me, but chiefly from vanity. Now that he is
not proud of me any more, it is over. He is ashamed of me.
He has taken from me all that he could take, and now I am
of no use to him. I weigh upon him, and he does not want to
be in dishonorable relationship with me. He said yesterday he
wanted the divorce, so as to burn his ships. Perhaps he loves
me still-but how? The zest is gone," she said, in English, as
she looked at a ruddy-faced man riding by on a hired horse.
"Da! there is nothing about me any longer to his taste. If I
leave him, he will rejoice in the bottom of his heart. "
This was not mere hypothesis: she saw things now clearly, as
by a sort of clairvoyance.
"My love has been growing more and more selfish and pas-
sionate; his has been growing fainter and fainter. That is why
we cannot go on together. He is all in all to me. I struggle
to draw him closer and closer to me, and he wants to fly from
me. Up to the time of our union, we flew to meet each other;
but now we move apart. He accuses me of being absurdly jeal-
- and I am; and yet I am not, either. I am not jealous, but
my love is no longer satisfied. But-" she opened her mouth
to speak, and in the excitement caused by the stress of her
thoughts, she changed her place in the carriage.
ous
―――――
"If I could, I would try to be a simple friend to him, and
not a passionate mistress, whom his coldness frenzies; but I can-
not transform myself. I am not mistaken. Don't I know that
he would not deceive me,- that he is no longer in love with
Kitty, that he has no intention of marrying the Princess Soro-
kina? I know it well, but it is none the easier for me. But
XXV-939
-
## p. 15010 (#594) ##########################################
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LYOF TOLSTOY
what is that to me? If he is tired of my love,- if, when he
does not feel for me just what I feel for him, I would a thou-
sand times rather have him hate me,- this is- hell! And this
is the case. He has long ceased to love me. When love ceases,
disgust begins. -I don't know these streets at all. What hosts
of houses! and in them, people, people,-no end of them! and
they all hate each other!
"Nu! what could happen to me. now that would give me
happiness again? Suppose that Alekséi Aleksandrovitch should
consent to the divorce, and would give me back Serozha, and
that I should marry Vronsky? " And as she thought of Alekséi
Aleksandrovitch, Anna could see him before her, with his dull,
lifeless, faded eyes, his white, blue-veined hands, and his cracking
joints; and the idea of their relation to one another, which had
hitherto been tinged with tenderness, made her shudder.
"Nu! Suppose I were married, would not Kitty still look
at me as she looked at me to-day? Would not Serozha ask and
wonder why I had two husbands? But between me and Vronsky
what new feeling could I imagine? Is it possible that our rela-
tions might be, if not pleasanter, at least no worse than they
are now? No, and no! " she replied, without the least hesitation.
"Impossible! We are growing apart; and I am disagreeable to
him, and he displeases me, and I cannot change him: every
means has been tried.
son.
"Da! there's a beggar with a child. She thinks she inspires
pity. Were we not thrown into the world to hate each other,
and to torment ourselves and everybody else? Here come the
schoolboys out to play! - Serozha ? " It reminded her of her
"I used to think that I loved him, and I was touched
by his gentleness. I also lived without him, gave him up for
my love, and was not sorry for the change, since I was contented
with him whom I loved.
" And she remembered with disgust
what she called that love. And the clearness in which she now
saw her own life, as well as the lives of others, delighted her.
"Thus am I, and Piotr, and the coachman Feodor, and that
merchant, and all people from here to the Volga, wherever
these remarks are applicable- and everywhere and always," she
thought, as the carriage stopped in front of the low-roofed sta-
tion of the Nizhni Novgorod Railroad, and the porter came out
to meet her.
"Shall I book you for Obiralovki? " asked Piotr.
## p. 15011 (#595) ##########################################
LYOF TOLSTOY
15011
She had entirely forgotten why she had come, and only by a
great effort could she understand what he meant.
"Yes," she said, handing him her purse; and taking her little
red bag, she got out of the carriage.
As she entered with the throng, she reviewed all the details
of her situation and the plans between which she was halting.
And again hope and despair alternately filled her tortured, cruelly
palpitating heart. As she sat on the stelliform divan, she looked
with aversion on the people going and coming,-they were all
her enemies, and thought now of how, when she reached the
station, she would write to him, and what she would write, and
then how at this very moment he- not thinking of her suffer-
ing was complaining to his mother of his position, and how
she would go to his room, and what she would say to him. The
thought that she might yet live happily crossed her brain; and
how hard it was to love and hate him at the same time! And
above all, how her heart was beating, as if to burst its bounds!
A bell sounded, and some impudent young men of a flashy
and vulgar appearance passed before her. Then Piotr, in his
livery and top-boots, with his dull, good-natured face, crossed the
waiting-room, and came up to escort her to the cars.
The noisy
men about the door stopped talking while she passed out upon
the platform; then one of them made some remark to his neigh-
bor, which was apparently an insult. Anna mounted the high
steps, and sat down alone in the compartment on the dirty sofa
which had once been white, and laid her bag beside her on
the springy seat. Piotr raised his gold-laced hat, with an inane
smile, for a farewell, and departed. The saucy conductor shut
the door. A woman, deformed, and ridiculously dressed up, fol-
lowed by a little girl laughing affectedly, passed below the car
window. Anna looked at her with disgust. The little girl was
speaking loud in a mixture of Russian and French.
"That child is grotesque and already self-conscious," thought
Anna; and she seated herself at the opposite window of the
empty apartment, to avoid seeing the people.
A dirty, hunchbacked muzhik passed close to the window, and
examined the car wheels; he wore a cap, from beneath which
could be seen tufts of disheveled hair. "There is something
familiar about that humpbacked muzhik," thought Anna; and
suddenly she remembered her nightmare, and drew back fright-
ened towards the car door, which the conductor was just opening
to admit a lady and gentleman.
―
-
## p. 15012 (#596) ##########################################
LYOF TOLSTOY
15012
"Do you want to get out? "
Anna did not answer; and under her veil no one could see
the terror which paralyzed her. She sat down again. The
couple took seats opposite her, and cast stealthy but curious.
glances at her dress. The husband and wife were obnoxious
to her. The husband asked her if she objected to smoking,-
evidently not for the sake of smoking, but as an excuse for
entering into conversation with her. Having obtained her per-
mission, he remarked to his wife in French that he felt even
more inclined to talk than to smoke. They exchanged stupid
remarks, with the hope of attracting Anna's attention and draw-
ing her into the conversation. Anna clearly saw how they bored
each other, how they hated each other. It was impossible not to
hate such painful monstrosities. The second gong sounded, and
was followed by the rumble of baggage,-noise, shouts, laughter.
Anna saw so clearly that there was nothing to rejoice at, that
this laughter roused her indignation, and she longed to stop her
At last the third signal was given, the train started, the
locomotive whistled, and the gentleman crossed himself. "It
would be interesting to ask him what he meant by that," thought
Anna, looking at him angrily. Then she looked by the woman's
head out of the car window at the people standing and walking
on the platform. The car in which Anna sat moved past the
stone walls of the station, the switches, the other cars. The mo-
tion became more rapid; the rays of the setting sun slanted into
the car window, and a light breeze played through the slats of
the blinds.
ears.
Forgetting her neighbors, Anna breathed in the fresh air, and
took up again the course of her thoughts.
"Da! What was I thinking about? I cannot imagine any
situation in which my life could be anything but one long misery.
We are all dedicated to unhappiness: we all know it, and only
seek for ways to deceive ourselves. But when you see the truth,
what is to be done? "
"Reason was given to man that he might avoid what he dis-
likes," remarked the woman in French, apparently delighted with
her sentence.
The words fitted in with Anna's thought.
"To avoid what he dislikes," she repeated; and a glance
at the handsome-faced man, and his thin better half, showed her
that the woman looked upon herself as a misunderstood creature,
and that her stout husband did not contradict this opinion, but
## p. 15013 (#597) ##########################################
LYOF TOLSTOY
15013
took advantage of it to deceive her. Anna, as it were, read their
history, and looked into the most secret depths of their hearts;
but it was not interesting, and she went on with her reflections.
"Yes, it is very unpleasant to me, and reason was given
to avoid it; therefore it must be done. Why not extinguish the
light when it shines on things disgusting to see? But how?
Why does the conductor keep hurrying through the car? Why
does he shout? Why are there people in this car? Why do
they speak? What are they laughing at? It is all false, all a
lie, all deception, all vanity and vexation.
>>>>
When the train reached the station, Anna followed the other
passengers, and tried to avoid too rude a contact with the bus-
tling crowd. She hesitated on the platform, trying to recollect
why she had come, and to ask herself what she meant to do.
All that seemed to her possible before to do, now seemed to
her difficult to execute,- especially amid this disagreeable crowd.
Now the porters came to her, and offered her their services;
now some young men, clattering up and down the platform, and
talking loud, observed her curiously: and she knew not where to
take refuge. Finally it occurred to her to stop an official, and
ask him if a coachman had not been there with a letter for
Count Vronsky.
"The Count Vronsky? Just now some one was here.
inquiring for the Princess Sorokina and her daughter.
kind of a looking man is this coachman? "
Just then Anna espied the coachman Mikhaïl, rosy and gay in
his elegant blue livery and watch-chain, coming towards her, and
carrying a note, immensely proud that he had fulfilled his com-
mission.
He was
What
Anna broke the seal, and her heart stood still as she read the
carelessly written lines:-
"I am very sorry that your note did not find me in Moscow.
I shall return at ten o'clock. "
――――
"Yes, that is what I expected," she said to herself with a
sardonic smile.
"Very good: you can go home," she said to Mikhail. She
spoke the words slowly and gently, because her heart beat so
that she could scarcely breathe or speak.
"No, I will not let you make me suffer so," thought she, ad-
dressing with a threat, not Vronsky so much as the thought that
was torturing her; and she moved along the platform. Two
chambermaids waiting there turned to look at her, and made
## p. 15014 (#598) ##########################################
LYOF TOLSTOY
15014
audible remarks about her toilet. "Just in style," they said,
referring to her lace. The young men would not leave her in
peace. They stared at her, and passed her again and again,—
making their jokes so that she should hear. The station-master
came to her, and asked if she was going to take the train. A
lad selling kvas did not take his eyes from her.
"Bozhe moï! where shall I fly? " she said to herself.
When she reached the end of the platform she stopped. Some
women and children were there, talking with a man in spec-
tacles, who had probably come to the station to meet them.
They too stopped, and turned to see Anna pass by. She hast-
ened her steps.
A truck full of trunks rumbled by, making the
floor shake so that she felt as if she were on a moving train.
Suddenly she remembered the man who was run over on
the day when she met Vronsky for the first time, and she knew
then what was in store for her. With light and swift steps she
descended the stairway which led from the pump at the end of
the platform down to the rails, and stood very near the train,
which was slowly passing by. She looked under the cars,—at
the chains and the brake, and the high iron wheels, and she
tried to estimate with her eye the distance between the fore and
back wheels, and the moment when the middle would be in front
of her.
-
"There," she said, looking at the shadow of the car thrown
upon the black coal-dust which covered the sleepers, "there, in
the centre, he will be punished; and I shall be delivered from it
all- and from myself. "
Her little red traveling-bag caused her to lose the moment
when she could throw herself under the wheels of the first car:
she could not detach it from her arm. She awaited the second.
A feeling like that she had experienced once, just before taking
a dive in the river, came over her, and she made the sign of the
cross. This familiar gesture called back to her soul, memories
of youth and childhood. Life, with its elusive joys, glowed for
an instant before her, but she did not take her eyes from the
car; and when the middle, between the two wheels, appeared, she
threw away her red bag, drawing her head between her shoul-
ders, and with outstretched hands threw herself on her knees
under the car. She had time to feel afraid. "Where am I?
What am I doing? Why? " thought she, trying to draw back;
but a great, inflexible mass struck her head, and threw her upon
her back. "Lord, forgive me all! " she murmured, feeling the
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struggle to be in vain. A little muzhik was working on the
railroad, mumbling in his beard. And the candle by which she
read, as in a book, the fulfillment of her life's work,- of its
deceptions, its grief, and its torment,- flared up with greater
brightness than she had ever known, revealing to her all that
before was in darkness; then flickered, grew faint, and went out
forever.
AT BORODINO
Copyright 1886, by William S. Gottsberger. Reprinted
by permission of George G. Peck, publisher
From 'War and Peace.
W
HEN Pierre returned to Gorky after his visit to Prince An-
dré, he desired his servant to have his horses ready sad-
dled, and to wake him at daybreak; then he went soundly
to sleep in the corner that Boris had so obligingly offered him.
When he woke, the cottage was empty, the little panes in the
windows were trembling, and his man was shaking him to rouse
him.
"Excellency, Excellency! " he shouted.
"Why — what is the matter? Is it begun? "
"Listen to the cannonade," said the man, who was
an old
soldier. "They have all been gone a long time; even his High-
ness. "
Pierre hastily dressed and ran out. It was a brilliant, de-
licious morning: dewdrops sparkled everywhere; the sun sent
level rays through the curtain of cloud, and a shaft of light fell
across the roof and through the hanging mist, on the dusty road
just moist with the night-dews-on the walls of the houses, the
rough wood palings, and the horses standing saddled at the door.
The roar of cannon grew louder and louder.
"Make haste, count, if you want to be in time! " shouted an
aide-de-camp as he galloped past.
Pierre started on foot,- his man leading the horses,— and
made his way by the road as far as the knoll from whence he
had surveyed the field the day before. This mamelon was
crowded with military; the staff officers could be heard talking
French; and conspicuous among them all was Koutouzow's gray
head under a white cap bound with red,- his fat neck sunk in
his broad shoulders. He was studying the distance through a
field-glass.
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LYOF TOLSTOY
As he climbed the slope, Pierre was struck by the scene that
spread before him. It was the same landscape that he had seen
yesterday, but swarming now with an imposing mass of troops,
wrapped in wreaths of smoke, and lighted up by the low sun,
which was rising on the left and filling the pure upper air with
quivering rose and gold, while on the earth lay long masses of
black shadow. The clumps of trees that bordered the horizon
might have been hewn out of some sparkling yellow-green gem;
and beyond them again, far away, the Smolensk road could be
made out, covered with troops. Close to the knoll the golden
fields and dewy slopes were bathed in shimmering light; and
everywhere to the right and left were soldiers, and still soldiers.
It was animated, grandiose, and unexpected; but what especially
interested Pierre was the actual field of battle,- Borodino and
the valley of the Kolotcha, through which the river ran.
Above the stream, over Borodino, just where the Voïna makes
its way through vast marshes to join the Kolotcha, rose one of
those mists which, melting and dissolving before the sun's rays,
gives an enchanted aspect and color to the landscape it trans-
forms rather than hides.
The morning light glowed in this mist, and in the smoke
which mixed with it here and there; and sparkled on the water,
the dew, the bayonets,- even on Borodino. Through that trans-
parent veil could be seen the white church, the hovel roofs of
the village; and on every side serried masses of soldiers, green
caissons, and guns. From the valley, from the heights and the
slopes, from the woods, from the fields, came cannon shots, now
singly, now in volleys; followed by puffs of smoke which wreathed,
mingled, and faded away. And strange as it may appear, this
smoke and cannonade were the most attractive features of the
spectacle. Pierre was chafing to be there among the smoke and
the sparkling bayonets, in the midst of the movement, close to
the guns.
He turned to compare his own feelings with those which
Koutouzow and his staff might be expected to feel at such a
moment, and found on every face that suppressed excitement
which he had noticed before; but which he had not understood
until after his conversation with Prince André.
"Go, my friend, go," said Koutouzow to a general standing
near him, "and God go with you. " And the general who had
taken the order went past Pierre down the hill.
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"To the bridge! " he answered in reply to a question from
another officer.
"And I too," thought Pierre, following him. The general
mounted his horse, which a Cossack was holding; and Pierre,
going up to his servant, asked which of his two steeds was the
quietest to ride. Then clutching the beast's mane, leaning over
his neck and clinging on by his heels, off he started. He felt
that his spectacles were gone; however, as he would not, and
indeed could not, let go of the bridle or the mane, away he went
after the general, past the rest of the officers, who gazed at his
headlong career.
The general led the way down the hill, and turned off sharp
to the left; Pierre lost sight of him, and found himself riding
through the ranks of an infantry regiment; he tried in vain to
get out of the midst of the men, who surrounded him on all
sides, and looked with angry surprise at this fat man in a white
hat, who was knocking them about so heedlessly and at such a
critical moment.
"Why the devil do you ride through a battalion? " asked
one; and another gave the horse a prod with the butt-end of his
musket. Pierre, clutching the saddle-bow, and holding in his
frightened steed as best he might, was carried on at a furious.
speed, and presently found himself in an open space. In front
of him was a bridge guarded by infantry firing briskly; without
knowing it he had come down to the bridge between Gorky and
Borodino, which the French, after taking the village, had come
down to attack. On both sides of the river, and in the hay-
fields he had seen from afar, soldiers were struggling frantically;
still Pierre could not believe that he was witnessing the first act
of a battle. He did not hear the bullets that were whistling
about his ears, nor the balls that flew over his head; and it did
not occur to him that the men on the other side of the river
were the enemy, or that those who lay on the ground were
wounded or killed.
"What on earth is he doing in front of the line? " shouted a
voice. "Left! left! turn to the left! "
Pierre turned to the right, and ran up against an aide-de-
camp of General Raïevsky's; the officer looked furious, and was
about to abuse him roundly, when he recognized him.
"What brings you here? " said he, and he rode away.
Pierre, with a vague suspicion that he was not wanted there,
and fearing he might be in the way, galloped after him.
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LYOF TOLSTOY
"Is it here? May I follow you? " he asked.
"In a minute-wait a minute," said his friend, tearing down
into the meadow to meet a burly colonel to whom he was carry.
ing orders. Then he came back to Pierre.
"Tell me what on earth you have come here for? -to look
on, I suppose ? "
"Just so," said Pierre; while the officer wheeled his horse
round and was starting off again.
"Here it is not such warm work yet, thank God! but there,
where Bagration is to the left, they are getting it hot! "
"Really! " said Pierre. "Where ? »
"Come up the hill with me: you will see very well from
thence, and it is still bearable. Are you coming? "
"After you," said Pierre, looking round for his servant: then
for the first time his eye fell on the wounded men who were
dragging themselves to the rear, or being carried on litters; one
poor little soldier, with his hat lying by his side, was stretched
motionless on the field where the mown hay exhaled its stupefy-
ing scent.
"Why have they left that poor fellow? " Pierre was on the
point of saying; but the aide-de-camp's look of pain as he turned
away stopped the question on his lips. As he could nowhere
see his servant, he rode on across the flat as far as Raïevsky's
battery; but his horse could not keep up with the officer's, and
shook him desperately.
"You are not used to riding, I see," said the aide-de-camp.
"Oh, it is nothing," said Pierre: "his pace is bad. "
"The poor beast has had his off leg wounded just above the
knee; a bullet must have caught him there. Well, I congratulate
you, count, it is your baptism of fire. "
___
After passing the sixth corps they got, through dense smoke,
to the rear of the artillery, which held an advanced position, and
kept up an incessant and deafening fire. At last they found
themselves in a little copse where the mild autumn air was clear
of smoke. They dismounted and climbed the little hill.
